Mom Started Dating My Biological Father Who's Been Out Of My Life For 26 Years r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting the like, that subscribe, and maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from DawnofAbby from the OffMyChest subreddit and says,

[00:00:24] My 26 female, mom 43 female, started dating my biological father, 45 male, after he's been absent from my life for 26 years. This might be long so please bear with me. My mom had me 9 days after her 17th birthday. My dad was 19. They were not and have never been in a relationship. My mom eventually started dating another guy, who she got engaged to when she was 19.

[00:00:52] She sadly committed suicide a week before they were supposed to get married. This obviously had an emotional toll on my mother. And kicked off a 16 year addiction to pills and IV drugs. My grandparents, her mom and dad legally adopted me when I was 2 and raised me as their own. They are both insanely good people. Words aren't enough to express everything they did for me and how much I love and adore them.

[00:01:17] Mom was very in and out of the picture. Would disappear for months at a time. Randomly show up to my grandparents to visit me. When in reality she was asking them for money or something else she needed. Then would disappear again. In and out of jail. Married 4 times, all 2 very abusive men. All the works. I'm happy to say she did eventually overcome her addiction and has gotten a masters degree and is working on a doctorate.

[00:01:46] She's an addictions counselor now. We have mended our relationship and speak everyday. Though I travel for work so seeing each other in person is more difficult. My dad has never had much to do with me. I met him for the first time when I was in 3rd grade. When my mom went behind my grandparents back and took me to his house. I've never seen him again. When I was about 16 or 17, I found him and was able to obtain his phone number. We did text occasionally back and forth until I was 21.

[00:02:16] It was mostly me reaching out and we never talked about anything personal. I tried to get to know him. Asked him to go to lunch. Invited him to my high school. Graduation etc. And he always had an excuse. We never met in person. I invited him to my college graduation which he said he would come to. The day before I asked him if he was still coming and he blew up on me. Told me he wasn't coming. He didn't consider me his daughter etc.

[00:02:42] I blocked him and haven't spoken to him since. Obviously we had a very surface level relationship. If I saw him in a crowded room, I would have no idea who he was. He's a stranger to me. He has two other sons by another woman he was with who he actually raised. Fast forward to a month ago. My mom leaves her current husband who was also incredibly physically and mentally abusive.

[00:03:06] She's been with him for 14 years. She's left him multiple times before but always goes back. This time she seemed to be sticking to it. She moved back to our hometown. Her and my stepdad moved to Florida when I was 18 and got a job. She eventually ends up telling me she's living with and having a full on relationship with my biological dad. She asked me not to tell my grandparents yet. A couple of days ago, she ends up telling them.

[00:03:34] Neither are very happy about it, obviously. My grandpa really despises this man. He had the emotional fallout over the years. He's had to see the emotional fallout over the years he's caused me and wants nothing to do with him. My grandma didn't seem happy either, but my mom told me she's went over there and visited with him and his sons. My dad's son just had a baby and she wanted to visit with him.

[00:04:00] My mom is adamant that she loves him and always has and always will, which is something out of left field for me. She's always shit-talked him into the ground in the past and, like I said before, they never dated as far as I'm aware. She's been shoving him down my throat lately, always talking about how great he is, telling me I need to message him and talk to him. How he's sorry for not being in my life. How they've both talked about how bad they were to me and how they're full of regret.

[00:04:28] I feel like a terrible person for being upset about it. I'm so glad my mom is getting away from my stepdad. I'm so thankful she made it out alive and seems to be happy. I feel extremely betrayed though. Out of the billions of people on this planet, she goes to that motherfucker. I feel kind of betrayed by my grandma too. She lied to me about seeing him, which isn't normal for her. I don't understand why everyone is being so accepting, minus my granddad.

[00:04:55] I feel bad for it, but I can't help to feel pissed off and hurt. Sorry for the lengthy post. Thanks for listening. Churkin says, out of the billions of people on this planet, she goes to that motherfucker. And then says, I swear, I had the same literal thought verbatim as I was reading your story. So I feel we are kindred spirits. You have a solid perspective and seem to understand what's going on around you and you didn't ask for any advice.

[00:05:22] So I'll just say that I understand why you'd feel the way you do without telling you, you need to feel any particular way because you don't. I will only say, allow yourself room to process this and even engage how you feel over time. You very well may not. And I'm not even suggesting you need to only that you give yourself the room and permission to do it. In the meantime, you should set boundaries. Initially, you can use the time to process as an excuse to buy time.

[00:05:50] But since it seems like you're about to have to start playing defense, you might want to prepare. An example would be, mom, I really don't know what you're doing, but I do know this. If you try to force, persuade or even suggest that I should just drop it all and be family, I will block you. Nobody gets to decide how I feel or when I should feel it. I am not okay and I do not know when I will be. Fuck with me at your own risk from here. Oddfellow says your mom got a PhD in something she's terrible at.

[00:06:19] Who the fuck is she going to counsel when her life is royally fucked up? Your dad told you where you stand. Don't let your mom's rose colored glasses fool you. She's never lived without a man and your sperm donor is just another notch in her belt. Another user says, I don't know man, the father of my baby walked out on both of us, but before he did, he floated the idea of him and I getting back together at a later date, like several years in the future.

[00:06:44] I can't say for sure how I feel in the future, but I said no because I couldn't imagine being able to get over the fact that he voluntarily was not present in his son's life. I just wouldn't love him the same. I also wouldn't be able to tell my son that the person who wasn't around for him was back in my life as my partner. And quite frankly, my son is more important to me. I'm not saying there's no circumstances under which your mom and bio dad could get together and it would be fine.

[00:07:10] But the fact that you're not okay with it would pretty much preclude it for me if I were your mom. I'm sorry. And one more comment from mysterious ad who says, I cut off everyone but grandpa. They spent your whole childhood victimizing you and abandoning you. And now after your mom finally gets her shit together, she signed you up for more abuse as an adult. She's continually proven that she doesn't care about you and doesn't want what's best for you.

[00:07:35] I'm so sorry that the people who should have loved you the most abandoned you as a child and continue to make you feel insignificant. It infuriates me that parents actually treat their kids this way. They wrecked your life but because of your grandparents and because of your persistence, you have beaten all the odds and seem reasonable, kind and compassionate. They tried to tear you down but you refused to let them sink you. You overcame their horrible parenting. It's time you cut out their toxicity and selfishness from your life.

[00:08:04] You'll be much happier when you realize you were cursed with bad parents and they will never change. Other comments were pretty much spot on for me is that your mom's coming in and out of your life creating chaos wherever she goes. And I can only really see one solution to this because as always, I always ask the question in my head, what does she bring into your life? What is she actually doing for you? And it doesn't sound like much apart from creating chaos.

[00:08:30] It seems like your grandpa is the only one in this situation that understands what you've actually gone through. And this is the point where you need to advocate for yourself and make the decisions that benefit you and don't worry about what they think. Because like in the post, you've just said I'm saying it myself. The comments are saying it. This person is just creating chaos in your life, adding to the trauma that you already have from your childhood and you simply deserve better.

[00:08:57] But Opie comes in a year later and says, I posted on this sub over a year ago about how my mother started dating my biological father after he had been absent from my life for 26 years. He's had two children he was around for. I suck and I'm unsure how to link it here, but it's in my post history if anyone cares to read it. They ended up getting married this past June. My mom did try to force a relationship with him and his two kids on me prior to their marriage.

[00:09:25] I moved to the West Coast for work and decided to go no contact for a couple of months to think things through and determine how I really felt. In the midst of no contact, I found out they got married. I did talk to my mom and laid out all my feelings about her and the situation shortly after that. She basically gaslighted me and told me that I need to forgive and forget. Needless to say, I no longer speak to her or have anything to do with any of them. I'm content with this decision.

[00:09:52] I realized I am much happier without her in my life. I have much less stress and anxiety this way. Reflections says Theo P. You do what's best for you. Question. How did they reunite? Did they ever say anything to you? OP said, I'm honestly not sure how they reunited. I'm assuming probably social media in some way. My mom kind of did force interactions upon us, but they were very awkward. Lots of small talk. Sometimes just totally ignoring the other one.

[00:10:20] My mom kept telling me he was too stubborn to apologize so he was waiting on me to. What? Apologize for what? I told her I didn't feel I have anything to apologize for. Papsa fucker lately. Gee whiz. Reflection replies saying, why would you be expected to apologize to him? OP says I'm still trying to figure that one out. Panic says, I'm sorry you were such a shitty father that you pretended I didn't exist.

[00:10:44] I'm sorry that you're too stupid to realize that you had the potential to have an awesome relationship with a great person and blew it, etc. And so on is the only way I'd apologize. Ponder who I am says, I'm sorry you're getting back together with mom again. You all can do better, but hey, you get what you deserve. OP says, I thought about it, but neither of them are worth the breath it would take to utter those words. G-Drom says, what is there for you to apologize for? He abandoned you.

[00:11:12] You are definitely better off without them in your life. G-Drom says, what on earth are you supposed to apologize for? For being born and abandoned by him. Huh? OP said, I wish I knew. Carrot Girl says, as a mom, I could never be with a man who abandoned his children and definitely a hell no to a man who abandoned my own child. I'm sorry you had to experience this. Glad you chose you. OP says, some of my friends who are parents said the same thing.

[00:11:38] Which is when I realized I wasn't being overdramatic and had a real reason to be upset. Thank you. It's a good feeling. Hope everyone in this thread chooses themselves every day. I would love to know what was going through his head at that moment. That he's expecting OP to apologize for something. What is going through that man's mind? I would love to know. Not that it changes the outcome. I absolutely 100% think this is the best for OP. Removing that stress.

[00:12:07] Removing that anxiety from their lives. Even responding to them, you know. Because it just invites more drama into OP's life. Which it doesn't sound like they need, want or deserve. So I just hope OP continues with their life as best as they can and enjoy it stress-free. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story.

[00:12:37] Now our next story comes from Heartbroken. That says, My 25 female, boyfriend 23 male, of one year, has been having a threesome with his co-workers. 23 male and 24 female. I read it. I'm extremely heartbroken and in need of advice and even comfort. I don't want to use real names, I'll be putting in different names. Thank you for understanding and letting me share with you all on what happened. I, 25 female, have been dating my boyfriend 23 male.

[00:13:07] We'll call him Jim for a year now. It was long distance at first, but I moved to his home state in August so that we could be together physically. Everything was perfect. Jim and I were extremely happy with each other, always communicated and we were just a happy couple. He works at a cafe and there he befriended one of his co-workers. 23 male, we will call him Derek. Derek has been inviting Jim to a few drinks after work and the two became good buds. I've met him before and he was really nice.

[00:13:37] Jim thought he was a cool guy too. Then in mid-October, Derek would invite my boyfriend over to his place. They'd just hang, order pizza and drink some beers. Apparently, Jim would text me that he would hang out with Derek after work, then come home. I never required him to text me where he was, but Jim was always sweet to text me messages throughout the day. I did the same for him too. Throughout the entire night, Jim would tell me how he met Derek's girlfriend, 24 female, we will call her Karen.

[00:14:06] And they were very nice people. I text him back and it was awesome and how sweet the two invited him and shared a good time with him. I thought that was just that. So Karen and I have never seen each other. All I knew about her was that she was Derek's girlfriend. She was nice and also learned that she and Derek moved in together like early October. I thought that was pretty cute. That's all I knew about her. My boyfriend started to hang out at their place more often.

[00:14:32] And I would only think of it as something like his co-workers and friends just hanging out after work. I do admit that I felt left out and even asked Jim if I could hang out with them. He would say it would be a hassle since then he would have to come get me from work or at home and then go to Derek's place. And also that they only hang out for a short while. I would just say alright and be done with it. I had a day off work and text my boyfriend that I would come over to his workplace to have lunch together.

[00:15:00] He told me that would be awesome so I went. It was pretty busy in there but not super busy. Where the workers wouldn't be able to casually talk. I noticed my boyfriend working with one other girl. Between orders the other girl would be touching Jim's arm and would smile at him. She would act really flirty with him. And my boyfriend seemed totally fine with it. It hurt because one, he was letting another girl flirt with him and two, he always felt bothered if I would flirt with him in public.

[00:15:27] Mind you, I'm not all handsy but I do playfully hug his arm. Well, Jim didn't notice me in there so I just kept to myself. Until several other customers walked out. Jim finally noticed me. We went out for lunch but on our way out I asked him. Who is your co-worker? And he told me it was Karen. I asked him if he found her attractive and he said word for word, honestly, not really. She's not ugly but she's not pretty or anything. I told him how I felt about Karen acting that way in the cafe.

[00:15:57] And he only told me it was meaningless since that's how Karen is. I tried extremely hard to just kill my jealousy. But it really hurt me. I cried in the kitchen after Jim had gone to sleep that night. A few days after that event, Jim would be going to Derek's place after work and would come home really late. Earlier today he told me he'd be hanging out with Derek again and with my own insecurities boiling inside me. I asked Jim to stay home with me a few times of the week because we rarely saw each other due to our work schedules.

[00:16:27] We ended up arguing and in my anger I snapped at him saying something like, Fine, then you can go to your little threesome. His face went pale and just a sick feeling made me believe that what I had said out of anger was actually true. I asked him and he admitted it. I ultimately found out that my boyfriend has been having a threesome with Derek and his girlfriend after work almost every day since October. I asked Jim if he was bi but Jim said that they were just sharing Karen and it meant nothing. It was only sex. It hurt.

[00:16:56] A lot. Jim and I shared the same views that an open relationship could never work for us. That sex with another person while in this relationship would be viewed as cheating and so on. He was the one who set down the ground rules and I agreed to them. We both were very monogamous. At least I thought. I am completely heartbroken. Jim is in the other room just sitting at his desk and I'm in the bedroom bawling my eyes out or seeking some sort of help from Reddit. Honestly, I have no friends here.

[00:17:26] The friends I have back home didn't want me to go and we left on bitter terms. I'm ashamed to reach out to them for help. I just can't shake off this feeling of utter disgust and betrayal. I love my boyfriend so very much. The pathetic part of me wants to just work on our relationship but that is just a horrible choice. I know I should leave him and go back home or whatever but right now I'm just in shock. Absolutely OP, you know what to do in this situation. The trust is gone.

[00:17:54] You're never going to get that trust back with him again. Every day of October he's been sleeping with not one but two people. And has the excuse it was only sex ever worked? Why do people say that? It's like someone's going to go, oh yeah, okay, fair enough then. It was only sex. Let's move on. Fuck that shit. I will bite you says step one, accept that Jim is a cheating douchebag and your relationship is over. You don't seem like the type that could accept or forgive this kind of major infidelity.

[00:18:23] But maybe I'm wrong about that. Only you know that answer. OP says there was only a temporary part of me that wants me to just bury and pretend everything is okay. However, I know that's not true. It's not okay for me but thank you for the comment. Annette says some things can't be forgiven. We can never make this okay. The deleted user says in quotes Jim and I shared the same views that an open relationship could never work for us. That sex with another person while in this relationship would be viewed as cheating.

[00:18:52] And then says you both previously agreed on being monogamous and choose to commit to this monogamous relationship. You betrayed your trust and relationship. That's all there is to it. It is your choice as for what to do. But getting over such a betrayal is a difficult thing to do. And just know that he didn't confess to you out of respect of guilt. You just happened to get it out of him. If that didn't happen, how long would he continue deceiving and cheating on you? OP replies saying honestly as of right now I don't know what to do.

[00:19:19] I know there is a few options for me but just right now I don't even think I can even pack my bags. There are so many things to do such as cancelling my leasing contract for this apartment and having to transfer work. I feel like I'm in shock. I know eventually I will be able to heal from this but just right now in this very moment I feel devastated. But you're right. He may have continued to deceive me. I just need to force myself to start making changes. But anyway OP comes in with an update and says thank you for all your kind and caring support.

[00:19:47] So this all happened today. I began making my next steps. I did end my relationship with Jim. The conversation was difficult to have but it needed to be had. There were questions I needed to ask for my health such as STIs and such. Though he did say he used protection. I still scheduled an appointment with my doctor for this coming weekend. Edit to add in this part. I overheard Jim's phone call with Derek. He told Derek what had happened and ended his relationship with them. He also said he's quitting his work tomorrow.

[00:20:15] I do feel bad but know that this is purely his decision. Jim will be moving back into his parents place tomorrow. I'll be cancelling my lease tomorrow morning. I did contact my best friend from back home and simply explained that I'll be returning home. He offered to fly up here to help me but I said no because I know I will break down. Right now I need to keep strong. Seeing a friend here will only allow myself to break down into a huge mess. I'm doing my best to stay positive. I keep telling myself better now than later.

[00:20:45] Good thing it's only been a year and not five or more. Think of this as a life lesson. Do not hold grudges and do my best to move forward. It's hard I admit but continuing to tell myself those things help me. I would love to believe that this experience has not swayed my views on relationships. Rather I would love to believe that this experience and relationship has revealed a little more of myself. I still need to do a lot of reflecting that can come after I have done all the physical work moving back to my home state.

[00:21:15] Again, everything seems to be happening so fast but it is progress. Thank you all for your kind and loving support. I hope my experience and progress can be some sort of hope for others. I love my boyfriend extremely and though I did not mention it in the post, I did make a lot of sacrifices for him than he ever has for me. Though all of that I don't see it as losing an investment in someone but rather I am moving on for a healthier opportunity and hopefully he will be able to learn from this as well.

[00:21:44] I have no plans on getting back together with him. His words were sweet and tempting but they were poison. Thank you again. Miss Samich says to OP, I read the first post and now this one. I am really glad you are leaving him and going home. It's good to stay strong for now but allow yourself time to break down and have a crying and ice cream session with a friend when you are home. OP says most definitely. I know once I let everything really sink in. There is no more me and him. Everything we believe didn't follow through and just everything else.

[00:22:13] It will hurt even more. I have cried all day and I know more tears are to come. I haven't spoken with him unless it was to talk about what will happen to the furniture and such. Thank goodness I didn't buy many things when I moved. I am just keeping it peaceful here and though it is hard, I think it will be something I won't regret after all this has passed. Spoonbill says you are doing everything right OP. Feeling your feelings but also doing what you need to do.

[00:22:41] I am sorry you crossed paths with this ugly idiot, but I am impressed with how you are handling it. OP says thank you. I have been in physically abusive relationships so through my former experience in handling breakups, I believe I am able to get somewhat of a good handle on things. At least for now, I am not overly confident that I will be able to continue things without breaking down and seeing him is extremely hard. However, I must stay strong. But now, I am going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:23:09] What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much and hopefully I will see you in the next one. Take care and much love.