Mom Said My Sister Should Have Married MY HUSBAND Instead Of Me r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story, you bloody cheeky so and so, why not consider hitting the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:22] Now, our first story comes from throwawaymomsister343242 and says am I the arsehole here? My mom feels my sister should have married my husband instead of me. Interesting. I'm upset at my mom and my sister because of something my mother said. Everyone around me feels like I'm overreacting. Please be brutally honest in telling me if I'm being insecure or if my mom and my husband are wrong in this.

[00:00:52] Let me give you a bit of backstory. My husband James, 34 male and I, 29 female, were neighbors growing up. My sister Fran, 34 female, was in the same grade as my husband growing up. Everyone knew my sister in school because she is very smart and beautiful. James had a huge crush on her and all of us knew about it. He asked her out for senior prom and Fran shot him down, in front of the whole school.

[00:01:19] They still remained friends but he moved to a different state for college and we did not hear much from him except see him when he came back for holidays. James and I were never friends growing up since I was in middle school when this happened. In fact, I was much younger than both of them and they would actively avoid me or involve me in their hangouts and activities. I went to a good college and got my first job in the same city as James. Mom suggested I should contact James since I did not know anyone there.

[00:01:48] We became friends and three years later, we got married. We both have high paying jobs and love our life. We moved back to our hometown during COVID as James' mom had health issues and our jobs allowed us to work remotely. Fran also had a pretty good life. She married when she was 23 and her husband was pretty well off. Two years ago, Fran discovered that he was cheating on her for almost the entire duration of their marriage with multiple partners and she decided to break things off.

[00:02:17] Fran moved back with my mom. Fran had not worked for the entire duration of their marriage and was expecting to gain significant alimony from the divorce. However, due to complications regarding prenup, she barely got anything and is struggling financially. She got a job but is barely able to afford her own place and continues living with my mom. James and I were very supportive of her during the whole process. Since James and Fran were friends growing up, they both have a special bond.

[00:02:45] They have their inside jokes and stories and I sometimes feel like a third wheel when we all meet. However, James keeps his distance and has never given me any reason to believe he has lingering feelings for her. Fran, on the other hand, constantly visits us, like two to three times a week, and ends up staying for dinner and sleeping in our guest room. I don't mind her coming over but I do not like the fact that she talks more to James than with me.

[00:03:09] Also, she always comes over when I'm not at home and I often find them sitting next to each other on the sofa and watching TV when I get home. This sort of reminds me of my childhood where I was locked out of our basement when Fran had friends over and I would feel left out. Fran is too comfortable around James and walks around the house in just a towel after her shower when James is around or sleeps in her underwear in the guest room without locking the door. I have voiced my concerns to her but she says that we are family and she does not care.

[00:03:39] I have also voiced my concerns to James. He does make efforts now to explain stories and inside jokes if Fran makes them. The main issue happened this weekend. I was hanging out with my mom and Fran last weekend and Fran was recollecting stories about how James would do her homework and do chores for her growing up. She said he was so much in love with me and I felt guilty taking advantage of him. My mom jokingly said to her that I wish you had the wits to marry James then you'll lose a husband and you would have not been in this situation.

[00:04:09] Fran smiled after hearing that and nodded but I was hurt by the comment. I protested to my mom that James is my husband and I do not want her to make such comments about him. My mom doubled down and said that she feels like it because both James and I are high earners while Fran is struggling. So it makes sense if Fran was married to James and I would be fine since I do not need James to support me financially. She kept on saying that it was hypothetical and she just wants both her daughters to be happy.

[00:04:38] I did not like those comments and told them not to speak like that about James and my marriage in general. Fran chimed in and told me that I should not take the comment so personally and I'm being too sensitive. However, I had a fight with both of them and I left. When I came home and told James, he also sided with my mom and Fran and told me that her mom just made a harmless joke. I also raised the issue of Fran's behavior around our house and he told me that this is between me and my sister

[00:05:05] and he's not going to tell Fran about what she can or cannot wear in our house. However, I'm just feeling really bad since the situation. And despite everyone apologizing to me, things just don't feel right. Am I wrong here to react the way I did or does everyone else have a point? And should I be more secure about my relationship with James? I mean, you said everyone apologized to you. It didn't really sound like they apologized to you at all. They called you too sensitive.

[00:05:32] And I'm going to dive straight in and this might be Reddit brain talking so you're going to have to forgive me here. But it does sound like Fran is trying to slowly move her way in. Or not even slowly at this rate. She's coming around two to three times a week when you're not home with James. She's walking around the house in her skitties. And it sounds almost like the mom is on board with this to bring it up like that. I mean, that's such a fucking weird thing to say. And it just seems like James is playing down your feelings on the matter as well. It's giving me very sketchy vibes, this whole thing.

[00:06:02] It has to be said. But no imagination says not the arsehole. Your sister is really hanging on to the fact that he liked her in high school. This is probably because she's at such a low in her life. She needs to wake up and learn boundaries. Your mother encouraging her is ridiculous. She should be saying that sister should be more like you. Financially independent and in a stable marriage. Yoga lover gal says not the arsehole. Your mother's comment was inappropriate and disrespectful towards your marriage.

[00:06:30] And it's concerning that your husband is dismissing your feelings about Fran's behavior. It's not about insecurity. It's about wanting respect in your relationship and home. Opie says this has been a pattern through my life. Due to age difference, Fran has always treated me like a kid. I just felt insulted that my mom completely ignored my feelings while making such comments. However, a part of me has been also jealous of Fran because of all the attention she got. That was the nerdy little weird girl in our family.

[00:06:58] Safe word says I'm waiting for Fran to try and attempt something with your husband within three to six months. Also, you need to tell her no more sleepovers or just showing up and put some clothes on for God's sake. And this is a firm boundary. And no, you don't dare care if they think you're overreacting. This is how it's gotta be. I absolutely love it when people get like proper sassy and they come and say, put some goddamn clothes on. I mean, too true, but. Next commenter says, not the arsehole.

[00:07:28] If I was you, I'd be seriously looking to move away from your hometown and your mom and sister. Would James be on board with that? Not saying James would cheat, but being in close contact with your family seems to have put added stress on your marriage. And you were happier before the COVID move. Opie says this would be a bit tricky at this time because James' mom needs us right now due to her health issues. Moreover, we also bought a house last year. So we're stuck in this place for better or for worse.

[00:07:54] And another commenter just said, mum and sister just sound like see you next Tuesdays. But Opie came in with her update and said, thanks everyone for all your support on my previous post. To summarize what happened, my mom made a really off-putting comment that she wished my sister Fran was married to my husband. James. James. My husband, James. I got really mad and my husband also tried to undermine my feelings and told me I was overreacting to a harmless joke. Sorry for the long post, but a lot of you were messaging me for an update. And wanted to tell you what happened.

[00:08:24] The comments really made me paranoid. And I did see everyone's point that James may have just married me because of his crush on Fran. This really shot up my anxiety and I started snooping around. My husband literally makes me check his phone for new messages when he's not around. So, I knew there was nothing to hide there. However, I was spooked by how my sister always knows when I'm not at home. And why James and Fran are always sitting on the same couch when I come home. I tried talking to my husband and he told me that my feelings were valid.

[00:08:52] However, he also said that Fran is going through a tough time and refused to say anything bad about my mom and Fran. Last Friday, I went to the gym as usual in the evening. And when I came home, Fran was sitting in the living room while James was cooking dinner. I got a bit angry and asked her what she is doing here. She said she had no plans for the night so she came to hang out with us. It really annoyed me and I told her that I wanted to spend a quiet weekend with my husband and if she can come some other time. She could see I was upset.

[00:09:21] She started saying how our mom was just being silly and I need to let it go since it was just a joke. I told her I did not find it funny and we got into a fight. She said that I'm always an insecure annoying kid and no wonder no one liked me. It really hurt me but James stepped in and told Fran that she needs to leave. I've never seen James be so forceful with Fran. Fran muttered some unpleasant things to James and then left. I was in tears by the end of the whole thing and James was consoling me.

[00:09:49] I was really upset and spent the night in our room alone. In the morning, I prepared some notes on all things I wanted to ask James. Your comments really helped me get my thoughts straight. I know I was being very insecure but after reading the comments, I really started questioning if James really married me for me or if because I was Fran's sister and looked like her. People called me Dollar Store Fran in high school. James and I had a long conversation and I told him my anxieties and insecurities.

[00:10:17] I told him how it makes me feel that he spends so much time with Fran when she visits us and they have their own inside jokes. I asked him if he still has feelings for her. He was calm and smiling the whole time. He told me that he would tell me the truth but he does not want me to hate him for it later. He said that he knows Fran used him all through their school days because she knew he liked her. When he went to college, Fran still tried to keep in touch with him. But putting distance between them made him realize how badly she treated him.

[00:10:45] And he decided just to cut contact with her so that he can work on himself. That was the reason he rarely visited us when he used to come for holidays and stop being friends with Fran. I told him it bothered me that he chose Fran before me and ignored me during our childhood. That was the reason I always had the doubts if I was his second choice. He said that I was 13 when he went to college and if he would have liked me instead of Fran at that age, we would be having a different problem.

[00:11:12] He told me that when I contacted him, he thought that I must be like Fran and was not very enthusiastic to meet me. However, after we hung out a few times, he realized I'm nothing like Fran. We soon became close, started dating and got married after a few years. He told me that Fran was married by then and he saw that I always put Fran on the pedestal and would get jealous when Fran posted vacation pictures or the shiny new things her husband bought for her.

[00:11:38] That was the reason he never told me that he does not like hanging around Fran as he feels that for me, Fran was always the North Star. He told me that he always kept his distance from Fran and she was a non-issue since we would meet her only a few times every year. However, after a divorce, he did not know how to act. He said that he was grateful to me for uprooting our lives and moving back to our hometown for his mum's health. He wanted to do the same and take care of my family.

[00:12:05] When Fran got divorced, he supported her in every way he could for me, even though he realized it meant spending a lot of time with her and listening to her bring up all the memories from high school that he wants to forget. I told him it bothered me that Fran came to our house as often as she does and generally in evenings when I go to the gym. He told me that he also finds it odd that she knows my gym routine and always comes on evenings when I'm not at home. However, he told me that he has always kept his distance from her and if she did anything, that would raise an alarm. He would have told me immediately.

[00:12:35] She just makes him watch all old movies or TV shows they watched growing up and gossips endlessly about their high school friends. He told me I need to trust him and if I want him to be that bad guy and ask Fran not to visit as often, he can do that for me. However, he knows that I will eventually make up with my mum and Fran and does not want to blame him for being mean to Fran. However, he told me he will not tell Fran what to wear around the house as it would be creepy if it came from him. I felt like I got all the insurance I needed from James

[00:13:03] and I will not doubt how amazing of a husband he has been. My mum and Fran visited on Sunday and my mum profusely apologised to me. She told me she does not want me to feel bad for her comment and she would never wish anything bad on my marriage. She meant to say that James was a great guy and she hopes Fran can find someone like him one day. Fran was a bit sour but apologised to us all for all the name calling on Friday and told us that it's just her hormones. She said that she likes hanging out with her sister

[00:13:31] and her best friend and hence comes to our house. I told her she is welcome to come anytime she wants but to call ahead of time in case James and I have plans for the evening and she agreed. I really want to move past this issue but I do want to put some firm boundaries on when Fran can come to our house and hang out with James alone as I know it bothers him too. Overall, I feel things are good now. I'm glad my worst fears did not come true but I do feel I need some therapy in order to deal with my insecurities.

[00:13:59] And the comments were back and forth. A lot of people saying this isn't the end of this. Some people saying that they believe James but they wouldn't trust the sister or the mother in this situation at all. But what do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from QuirkyBackground838 and it says Am I the asshole for calling my parents selfish for having me?

[00:14:29] Knowing they'd pass down a hereditary illness and go in low contact after they hid it putting my child at risk too. I28 female recently found out I have a serious hereditary illness that's going to screw up my life. I am so mad I can barely type this out. It's a degenerative illness. No cure. Nothing. My body's just going to slowly get worse. And the kicker? My parents have known this could happen my whole life and never said a damn word.

[00:14:59] This illness runs in my family. My dad's mom had it. His sister, my aunt, died from it a few years ago. I was living overseas when she passed and my parents told me it was cancer. Cancer. They lied right to my face. It wasn't until I got diagnosed that they finally came clean and admitted she had the same illness I do. When I confronted them, my dad wouldn't even give me a straight answer. I asked if he had it too and he dodged every single question

[00:15:28] acting like I was overreacting. My mom, on the other hand, tried to justify it by saying they didn't want me living in fear. Are you kidding me? I could have been prepared. Instead, they chose to let me walk into this blind and here's where it gets worse. I have a two-year-old son. My child might have this and they never told me I was at risk. I could have had him tested, made informed decisions, anything. But no, they took that from me

[00:15:56] and now I live in constant fear for him too. Then my mom had the nerve to ask me if I would rather not been born than deal with this. Can you believe that? She turned it all around on me like I'm the monster for even thinking it. And you know what? Yes, I said it. Yes, I would rather not have been born than deal with this disease. They made a selfish choice and now I'm paying for it. They knew the risks and did it anyway for themselves. They wanted kids and now I'm stuck with this.

[00:16:27] I called them selfish and I meant every word. Now they're begging me not to tell my younger siblings. They didn't know about this yet, haven't been tested and my parents want to keep it that way. They're hoping that they get lucky but I'm not going to lie to them. I refuse to let them be blindsided like I was. They deserve to know the truth. I've gone low contact with my parents. I can't stand to even think about them right now. My mom keeps trying to guilt trip me saying they were just trying to protect me.

[00:16:56] Protect me from what? The truth? No, they weren't protecting me. They were protecting themselves from the guilt of knowing they passed this on and now they want me to protect them too. But I won't. I love my son and my siblings too much to lie to them. Am I the asshole for going low contact and refusing to keep their secret even though they claimed they were just trying to protect me? Edits, most of you figured it out anyway. It's Huntington's. Updates, I ended up telling my siblings. We met at my sister's house

[00:17:26] and I just came out with it. I have Huntington's. It's hereditary. You both should get checked. My brother started panicking. He and his fiance just started trying to get pregnant and now he's terrified. He's furious with our parents and fully on my side. He confronted them right after and now we're both going low contact. My sister was more shocked and distant but she said she'll get tested. My parents are pissed that I told them without waiting for the right time but I don't regret it. My siblings deserve the truth

[00:17:55] and I wasn't going to let them live in ignorance like I did. And I was just doing some googling about Huntington's and my word that is terrifying. It's absolutely devastating. It says on the NHS website that it's like a 1 in 2, a 50% chance of each of their children developing the condition. And absolutely you're going to I don't blame you for feeling in any way about this at all and being mad about it. That they lied to you and your siblings

[00:18:24] about the chance of having it so you could be prepared for it as well is just oh my word. And of course you're doing the right thing by telling your siblings about it as well especially when one of them is trying to conceive. Psycho says my ex-wife's family mum's side has Huntington's dominant gene genetic disorder so 50-50 if a parent has it that the child gets it. It was the big family secret. None of the four kids knew about it but grandfather died of it. But this was passed off as he was drunk

[00:18:54] and had an accident. My ex has always had questions and when her mum started with early signs age 40 she began to do research. Finally she was able to get the story in bits and bits. The siblings all sort of denied it and the grandma never admitted it. My ex was tested and did not have it. That was a lot of work on our part to keep it off insurance records. She told all of her siblings two of which already had kids. None of them ever were tested. They just decided to let nature take its course.

[00:19:24] Two of the five have Huntington's and one has died of it. She tried to tell her mum's other siblings but they were resistant to hearing it. The old family secrets not your business. Ex's mum died of the disease after we're divorced. Two of her siblings died of it. Unknown how many other kids may have it. Damn family secrets. Formal raccoon says not the arse or cancer runs in my dad's side of the family. My paternal grandmother died of it. I'm 33 female

[00:19:53] at high risk for that and I've already battled two other types of cancers. My parents got a DNA analysis done six years to see my risk levels and stuff. Back when I was born we had no idea such cancers are hereditary. My parents had no idea I'd end up getting cancer. They were quite upset and took great care of me. Knowing what I know now I've chosen to be child free. You have every right to feel angry at your parents for withholding this important medical information from you and not letting you prepare yourself

[00:20:22] physically and mentally. Not the arsehole. And the whole thing is just absolutely shocking. But them begging you not to tell your younger siblings about this. I just just lost for words on that kind of thinking. But OP comes in with her update and says I told my siblings. We met at my sister's house and I just came out with it. I told them what I had and said it was hereditary. My sister thanked me for telling her.

[00:20:51] Told me she would get tested but seemed distant. I get it. It is very heavy so I've been giving her space but made it clear that I am there for her. My brother looked horrified. He and his fiance just started trying for a baby and the fear in his eyes was immediate. His fiance who works as a senior nurse in palliative care didn't take it lightly either. She deals with degenerative diseases every day and had a family member die from one so this news hit her hard. She immediately took control of the situation.

[00:21:21] She's had a lot of connections in the medical field because of her work and she's been pulling strings to get my brother's test done as fast as possible. She's also been making sure I get the care I need. Reaching out to specialists she knows personally. She's actually moving things around and calling in favors to ensure I'm seen quickly. On top of that she's been adamant that I need to see a counselor pushing me to get emotional support. Given her experience she knows how hard this is going to be and I'm grateful she's making it happen because I wouldn't know where to begin.

[00:21:50] My husband and I have also been having difficult conversations about the future. We've decided to make my will and I've been clear with him about when I won't want to continue living if things get too bad. I've also started recording videos for my son. I watched PS I Love You years ago and the idea of leaving something behind for my husband and son feels like a way to hold on to part of me. We're planning to speak to a child psychologist soon to figure out the best way to prepare our son for what's coming though we haven't started yet and also to weigh

[00:22:20] our option about him and the possibility of him getting this illness from me. We're not going to make an uninformed decision. On Saturday our parents invited us all over to their house saying they wanted to talk. My sister came too but she didn't stay long. As soon as my parents started explaining how they kept the illness hidden to protect us she couldn't take it. She stood up she said she couldn't handle it and left. She's been distant since and it feels like I've lost her a little. I know she's terrified

[00:22:49] but it's still hers to see her pulling away. After my sister left everything exploded. My parents turned on me blaming me for ruining the family and accusing me of causing all this chaos by telling the truth. They kept saying that they did it to protect us but I just couldn't respond anymore. That's when my brother's fiance stepped in. She completely laid into them telling them that they have no right to keep something this serious from us. She told them they hadn't protected us they'd betrayed us and I was so relieved

[00:23:19] she stepped in because I didn't have the energy to argue anymore. Then my dad snapped he started shouting at her telling her to stay out of it and he shoved me. I couldn't even react I was so shocked. My husband immediately stepped between us grabbed my dad's arm and told me better never touch me again. My dad just kept shouting saying I was the one who was tearing the family apart and blowing everything out of proportion. That was it. We left. My brother and his fiance walked out with us and since then none of us

[00:23:49] has spoken to my parents. They've been calling but I don't want to hear their excuses. They're still insisting they did everything to protect us but it feels like they were just protecting themselves from guilt. I don't have the energy for their manipulations anymore. Right now my brother and I are focusing on getting tested. His fiance is doing everything she can to keep things moving forward. She's been an incredible support and we're going to rely on her to help us navigate what's next. I'm focusing on my son my husband and preparing for the future.

[00:24:19] There's too much at stake to keep fighting about a secret that never should have been kept in the first place. Jeez. My heart absolutely goes out to you and your family OP. I can't any amount of responses below that post with a similar story to do with Huntington's it's just absolutely heartbreaking and the fact that these parents are still doubling down saying that they didn't protect you shoving OP it just sounds like OP said that they're just trying to protect

[00:24:48] themselves from their own guilt like just you know out of sight out of mind kind of thing which I know sounds absolutely awful to say but it just felt that way it's just so incredibly selfish but my heart absolutely goes out to OP and their family but I think we will end this one here what do you guys make of today's stories as always let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love

[00:25:17] your support your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one take care and much love yeah man I remember being so naive when life was good weather and palm trees back in the day you were everything I need but then along came a time when you crushed my dreams oh yeah you played me like a fool when you made me believe that the line between love was ridiculous yeah you see we end up spare you see you