Mom Is Angry AT ME For Not Going To My Brothers Wedding, Although I Wasn't Invited r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories and if you do love a Reddit Story why not consider hitting that like subscribe maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first

[00:00:18] story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Weisspotato1898 from the amithearsallhere subreddit and says Am I the arsehole here for refusing to go to my brother's wedding because he didn't want to invite me in the first place? So for context I, 21 female, have an older brother

[00:00:38] 25 male who's getting married later this year. We used to be somewhat close when we were growing up but drifted apart after he met his now fiancée 24 female. From the start his girlfriend and I didn't really get along but have always kept it civil for the sake

[00:00:53] of him and my family so there are no bad feelings between us or so I thought. My grandmother called me up about 4 weeks ago to ask if I wanted to go dress shopping with her for

[00:01:04] the wedding and I was so confused because I didn't even know my brother was engaged. I thought nothing of it and assumed they didn't mention it because I don't live with my parents anymore but did find it somewhat strange that no one posted anything about the proposal

[00:01:19] until I found his girlfriend's private Instagram account on my boyfriend's phone because she blocked me. About a week ago my mom called me and told me that the invitations were sent out that day and asked if I got mine because my brother's girlfriend was supposed to give

[00:01:34] them to my boyfriend since they work at the same company. I said no and she was very irritated. She called me back after talking to my brother and told me that she's inviting us to the

[00:01:45] wedding and I don't need an invitation so I said I'm not going to the wedding without an invite and that if they didn't want me at the wedding I don't want to be there. Now

[00:01:54] my family is saying I'm the asshole for not accepting the invitation, my mother inviting me over the phone and saying that I would want to ruin her wedding day. So am I the asshole here?

[00:02:08] Absolutely not the asshole in this situation at all to me. I wouldn't feel comfortable just turning up to someone's wedding without an official invite as well regardless of who it was. And I think you just turning up to this wedding is just inviting drama in your

[00:02:22] life and who wants that. You told me that you've already said that she's blocked you on Instagram so there's obviously something going on here. And your mom is just targeting the wrong person here, it's as simple as that to me. But loss says nope I sure as hell

[00:02:36] wouldn't go either in that case. Your mother has every reason to be upset but with your brother and his wife not with you. Your mother can't claim you didn't accept the invitation because there was none and it's not on her to invite you. You weren't invited and attending

[00:02:51] the wedding would just put you in a really uncomfortable and awkward position. It would be another matter if at the very least your brother had called you to apologize and personally asked you to attend but he didn't. Maybe he still will but it's a little too late for

[00:03:05] that in my opinion. False replies are saying this, brother doesn't want her there. Whatever the reason don't go. They'll be unhappy, you'll be unhappy. No good can come from your going. Sounds like

[00:03:18] mom is just trying to play happy family. If you want to solve the problem then address the problem. Asking everyone to play happy is insulting and cruel. OP will be sitting there, skin crawling in discomfort. At least that's how I'd feel.

[00:03:34] I wonder if the mom is just worried in this situation about how other family members and friends are going to perceive OP not turning up to the wedding. People asking questions about it and potentially causing more drama at the same time. But ChaoticGood says not

[00:03:51] the asshole, please ask your parents why you didn't even know your brother was engaged and what the justification is for that. Ask your mom how she would feel if she found out about the engagement from another family member. Frankly, even if I got an invite by this point

[00:04:05] I would decline. Laughter Corgi says mom, I didn't receive an invite in the mail nor did I know he was engaged until grandma told me on this day. I'm blocked from her social media. I only

[00:04:16] confirm the engagement by looking on a friend's phone and that's how I know I'm blocked. Don't force me to go where I'm not wanted. Repeat to whichever relative aka flying monkey calls next. Not the asshole.

[00:04:30] And one more comment from Toots who replies to that in quotes saying don't force me to go where I'm not wanted and then says this is so very important. It's hurtful to go where

[00:04:39] I'm not wanted. I see all these people insisting that someone should go to weddings, baptisms, baby showers of the step sibling who has always made it very clear they despite the affair baby or half sibling or step sibling. It's hurtful enough to be rejected. Why would you

[00:04:54] want to do it over and over again? But Opie posts an update and says thanks for everyone's comments. I only posted the story today but I already have the update because it just happened a few hours ago. My parents

[00:05:07] and my brother showed up at my house. Luckily my boyfriend was home too. Oh and I'm so not going to the wedding. This is what happened. My brother's fiance does indeed not want me

[00:05:18] at the wedding. My parents and brother are trying to convince her to invite me. No thanks. Not after everything. They came to our house to tell me I should apologize to my brother's

[00:05:27] girlfriend. I was totally fine with it. I only wanted to know what it was I was apologizing for. Which is where I might be the asshole. They told me they couldn't tell me what it

[00:05:38] was but that it happened two years ago when future sister in law and I used to work together at the same company. I tried to find out what it was but they wouldn't tell me. My boyfriend

[00:05:49] got a bit upset about everything and told them that if they can't even tell me what I did wrong he sees no reason for me to apologize. My brother then let us know that he doesn't

[00:05:58] care if we don't attend but my grandparents told him if he doesn't invite me they're also not going and that's the only reason they want me there. So I decided that I'm

[00:06:08] not going to the wedding. Me and my boyfriend are going on a trip for the weekend. Not to be petty or anything we're just going to enjoy ourselves. I really appreciate everyone's positive comments. Maybe your parents will tell them what this horrible crime is you are allegedly guilty

[00:06:36] of committing. Personally my curiosity would be having me plotting to find out what on earth it could be. It's likely absolutely nothing and completely stupid but I would want to know. Did you happen to get promoted or get a position that she felt she deserved?

[00:06:51] OP says not at all but I'm absolutely figuring out what it is just for my own peace of mind. I'm not going to do anything further apart from telling my grandparents what happened

[00:07:00] I think. Then OP responds about the promoted or getting a position that she may have deserved and says I honestly don't. We worked together for maybe 8 months before I got an internship at another company which was more in the field I'm going for. Someone asked about the internship

[00:07:15] maybe the girlfriend wanted it and OP says not at all I'm in graphic design now and she's an accountant assistant or something like that. Another commenter says when did you start dating your boyfriend? Could you be mad you got together with him? Didn't you

[00:07:29] mention having been a co-worker with her and he is currently it makes me wonder if she had a crush on him or feels you stole her friend or something. OP says I don't know

[00:07:38] but it could be a little weird if that's the case because she started dating my brother 5 years before she met my boyfriend. Another commenter says if you started dating your boyfriend around 2 years ago I'd be almost certain it has something related to him that

[00:07:50] she is mad about. It would be more likely in my opinion if she had met your boyfriend after she started dating your brother. She may have had a crush but loves your brother

[00:07:58] so never acted on it. She may have also not wanted to break up with your brother unless she was certain she could get with your boyfriend. It could also be more innocuous and she was

[00:08:08] just friends with him and feels like he stopped being close to her because of you so is mad at you. It would make sense if everyone couldn't tell what you did wrong because she wouldn't

[00:08:18] tell him she had a crush or they wouldn't tell you that she was mad you stole her friend from her because they think it would lead to more drama. OP says that actually makes

[00:08:27] so much sense. I didn't really think about it but me and my boyfriend started dating about 2 years ago. 3 days later OP adds another little update and says so my grandparents actually called me the following morning asking if I got invited to the wedding. I said no and

[00:08:41] they were so mad. Turns out my grandparents were paying for the wedding. My brother told everyone he was paying for everything himself but nope. My grandparents are now not paying for the wedding after future sister in law also refused to tell them what she is upset

[00:08:56] about. My parents have stepped up to cover the rest of the wedding expenses and my grandparents, my boyfriend and I will be enjoying a great weekend. Thank you to everyone's comments and advice I really appreciate it. That's all the updates I have but I will keep you posted.

[00:09:10] And it's one of those stories that's left us with like the ultimate question. What was it? What happened those years ago? Why is no one talking about it? Is it really something

[00:09:23] just petty or is it something a lot more? What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Would you ever attend that wedding? If you was invited of course. Let us know your thoughts and let's move on to another

[00:09:38] story. Now our next story comes from Bev Rossi who says I messed up really bad and said something awful to my boyfriend when I was drunk and I don't know how to fix it. Before I get

[00:09:49] started I just want to say I know I fucked up and I'm the asshole here. My boyfriend is a wonderful human being who loves me and only deserves the best. Ok so like I said

[00:10:00] I29 female have a wonderful, wonderful boyfriend 28 male and we live together. He had a bit of a rough time with finding work and he started a job at the post office where he works very

[00:10:12] hard and works 40-60 hours a week. I'm only saying this next part because it's necessary to the situation but I make more than he does and work less hours than him and we're struggling with some unexpected finances right now and it's been causing some tension between us.

[00:10:28] Last night I went to a bar with some co-workers and I stayed out later than I should have and came home at 2.30am pretty drunk. My boyfriend was up waiting for me and told me he was worried

[00:10:38] about me and I asked why he stayed up and he told me he was waiting for me and I shouldn't have been out that late on a night when I have work the next day. I don't know why but this

[00:10:48] set me off and I got very angry and told him he had no right to give me job advice since he doesn't have a real job and can't afford to pull his weight like a loser. He told me

[00:10:59] he thought I should go to bed and walked me over to my room and helped me get my shoes and dress off and I just got into bed and lied down to go to sleep. But the worst part was

[00:11:08] as I was drifting off I heard him crying in the bathroom. When I woke up this morning he had gone to work and now I'm at work hungover which sucks. However, I have no idea what

[00:11:19] to say to him now. He should be home tonight but I don't know what I can do at this point to let him know how sorry I am and how much I do admire him and we're just acting out

[00:11:28] of drunken stress last night. He loves steak and potatoes and he's also a big movie guy so I was thinking of making him steak and potatoes and renting a movie. I just don't

[00:12:32] want to cut it. You struck at his heart and now you will need to bare your own. Spend the day in self reflection, be honest with yourself about whatever deep ugly part of

[00:12:41] you wanted to say that to him. Stop pretending it isn't there. In that moment you wanted to hurt him and you had a weapon ready to go. The alcohol let it out, it didn't create it out of whole cloth. Whatever resentments or insecurities or mean nasty thoughts are

[00:12:56] hiding in your head and heart need to be aired out right now. I sound judgmental of you but I am not. We all have those nasty little thoughts, it is appropriate and necessary most of the

[00:13:08] time not to share them but to resolve them for ourselves and be better. You haven't so they just burst out of you when you couldn't stop them. That is why you no longer get the

[00:13:17] privilege of resolving your ugliness which again lives in all of us not just you. Privately. You hurt him by showing it to him, now you gotta resolve that in a way he can see. Confess

[00:13:30] it without defensiveness, admit it. Only then will your apology have any real meaning. If you can't open yourself up to him like this, vulnerable and likely to be hurt in the conversation then I guess make him dinner or whatever but you'll know that it was an unworthy apology.

[00:13:45] Bag of beans says this didn't come from nowhere, a real job is something that earns money to contribute towards living and it seems like he has that. You need to look at yourself and

[00:13:56] your views and why you would ever think to say that classist BS to someone you apparently love. Steak and potatoes in a movie isn't going to fix anything, you need to fix yourself. Canada's neighbor says girl what? The post office has great benefits and pays pretty decent.

[00:14:13] What do you do? Is there a huge difference between your salaries? The biggest issue you're going to have to deal with is that you've now planted a seed in his mind that you cannot kill.

[00:14:23] You've established that you feel you're better than him. He tried to give you solid advice and you threw it back in his face as if he wasn't qualified to give it to you, which makes no

[00:14:32] sense because he was right. You're acting all high and mighty for a job that you're not guaranteed to keep. You've mentioned in the comments that you gave him 5k and now you don't have a safety net.

[00:14:43] Not to be mean but 5k isn't exactly doing well for yourself or rolling in the dough. If you're in the US and you're one serious junk injury away from losing everything

[00:14:52] then you'll be a loser too. You better hope that the job market remains kind to you because if you ever find yourself down and out on your ear, your boyfriend wouldn't owe it to you to be gracious

[00:15:02] about it. And one more comment that says so according to you he spent too much time pursuing the job he wanted, eventually gave up on the dream and got a job at the post office which is physically

[00:15:13] difficult and then you belittled him for not having a good enough job. Do you see how every part of this interaction would make him feel not good enough in a very devastating way?

[00:15:24] Ouch, that is so hurtful. I would say you owe him a giant heartfelt apology especially with how much men conflate their self worth with employment and financial success. This is probably a subject you both have strong feelings about and have been wary of sharing.

[00:15:39] If you don't have the hard discussions when things are calm and decent, they come out at times like this in the worst way possible. The OP comes in roughly a week later and says update,

[00:15:50] I messed up really bad and said something awful to my boyfriend when I was drunk and don't know how to fix it. So I've been meaning to write this for 4 days but I've just been completely

[00:15:59] wiped out of all emotional bandwidth. My boyfriend is working hard at his job right now and is racking up some overtime so I figured I'd take a moment to post it. First off some information I left

[00:16:10] out of my prior post in case anyone didn't notice. I don't respond well to alcohol, have no dependency on it but my self control and decision making is really not good when I'm drunk

[00:16:20] and I just get extremely vicious and it brings out the absolute worst in me. On that same note I had a group of co-workers who had been wanting to celebrate a promotion one of us got for the

[00:16:29] past 2 months and Sunday was the first time any of us were free. We were just going to have a Sunday afternoon chill that was going to end before 10. However one bad decision led to another

[00:16:40] and we all just collectively stayed until 2am with drinks. Second I said what I did out of annoyance and upset I had with him regarding some financial decisions over the past 2 years that we're now reaping the benefits of. Long story that frankly doesn't matter because it's

[00:16:55] not about that. I'm still a little unhappy about it and I express that in a very unhealthy manner. I'm so proud of him for finding a job and trying to provide for us.

[00:17:05] Now for the update. I read through the comments all afternoon and then I wrote down a map of the things I wanted to say and waited for him to get home. Additionally I got in contact with my

[00:17:15] old therapist and he was able to squeeze me in for the following morning. So I called out at work the next day to meet him. My boyfriend finally came through the door and I asked if we could talk

[00:17:25] and he said I could but he also had some things to say. I started by saying I had no idea what to say to express how sorry I am except that I shouldn't have said what I said and I love him

[00:17:36] and admire him for how hard he works. I also told him that I was going to stop drinking and had an appointment with my therapist the next day. I also emphasized how much I appreciated how he waited

[00:17:47] for me and helped me get to bed after I came home and how he absolutely didn't deserve what I said. He told me that I actually covered the basis of what he was going to say.

[00:17:58] He said he was very hurt by what I said but throughout the day he was thinking and said it was so out of character for me he actually started to get worried. Both of his parents were alcoholics

[00:18:08] at one point in his life but got sober. He told me he was going to tell me I needed to quit drinking and see a therapist or anger management counselor or else he couldn't stay in this relationship.

[00:18:19] I told him I thought that was a very fair and sensible boundary and I would do my best to do whatever I could. Then he asked if I could be honest and asked me if I meant what I said.

[00:18:29] I told him I was being purposely vicious because it came from a place of frustration and I was intentionally trying to upset him so I said some terrible things. He said he'd love to

[00:18:38] talk to me about that place of frustration but then wasn't the time for it. But he told me that he forgave me and was really happy and admired that I'm taking the right steps to make things

[00:18:47] better and we had a lovely long hug. Then I had a really emotional appointment with my therapist and told him everything that happened. He helped me map out my feelings and how to express them to

[00:18:58] my boyfriend. The appointment went great and I have another next week but he thinks I should look into seeing a psychiatrist because I may very well have an undiagnosed mental health condition. That's the next step definitely. On Wednesday I had a sit down with my boyfriend where I

[00:19:12] expressed the frustrations and he told me my feelings were valid and frankly he still kicks himself he didn't start a new job earlier too because then his credit card debt probably

[00:19:22] wouldn't be so high. He talked about how he's always felt like he let me down with his financial decisions being unemployed for such long periods of time. I won't get into it any further but we

[00:19:32] had a really productive conversation. So yeah, we're taking steps and are openly communicating with each other and it looks like we're gonna be okay. We've been snuggling together at night this morning, we even showered together before he went to work. I have some trust issues so

[00:19:46] I'm still very anxious he's going to come back and be like wait actually no I don't forgive you but he's promised me he's going to be open with how he feels which he has been. I think

[00:19:56] we're gonna be okay. Opie added the information after someone asked for it about the boyfriend's financial decisions basically and Opie said he tried to pursue his dream in working in the

[00:20:06] film industry for two years but it got to a point where he only did part-time work here and there for eight months and then he finally got a full-time job. That sucked his slash our savings

[00:20:17] dry and all of his credit line. He got into a car accident recently and I gave him 5k for my savings to fix it. Nothing too extreme, I was just annoyed that he went that long without full-time

[00:20:27] work and annoyed with myself that I didn't push him harder. And I have to be honest when I read that first part of the post I was like I was really struggling to see how there's any coming back from

[00:20:38] that kind of thing but it looks like she did and she communicated and took accountability and sought the help that she needed for various issues going on which I know is you know overall it's an absolute

[00:20:51] shitty situation. Now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation? What do you think about the resolution of this story? Let us know your thoughts down in the

[00:21:03] comments below. Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so

[00:21:13] much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.