Mom Favors Her Boyfriend Who Bullied Me In High School r/Relationships Reddit Stories To Sleep To

[00:00:00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and welcome to today's compilation stories. I always like to do these when I go on holiday for a week or so. Do a couple

[00:00:12] just to keep you tied over. I know some of you enjoy them but I also know some of you don't like them. So if you don't like them, this is not for you. Click off immediately.

[00:00:23] Let's crack on with today's first story which comes from DfE7205 who says, My mum wants to have a talk after kicking me out two years ago in favour of her boyfriend who bullied

[00:00:34] me in high school. My dad passed away when I was only one. It's been me and my mum ever since. As you can guess, my mum and I were very close. When I was a sophomore in high

[00:00:46] school, my mum got a part-time job as a gym teacher at my school. I supported her when she asked if I would be comfortable with it. I was extremely uncomfortable when guys would

[00:00:56] make comments on my mum's appearance. It also gave ammo to Brad who bullied me in high school. He would make inappropriate comments about her towards me. Brad was a year ahead

[00:01:06] of me so I thought I was finally rid of him after he graduated. I was wrong. When I became a senior, my mum started going out very often. Initially I was happy for her because I wanted

[00:01:18] her to find someone nice. However, it came to a point where we barely got any time together. To be frank, I thought she was avoiding me. This was because whenever I tried to make

[00:01:28] plans with her, she had already made plans before. I sort of kept it to myself because I didn't want to come off as needy. I didn't complain when she missed my birthday because

[00:01:38] she was out all night. When she tried to apologise the next day, I told her it was okay. After six months of this behaviour, I decided to take action. I asked my mum if we could have

[00:01:48] dinner together, just the two of us. She said she was too busy. I got fed up and told her to stop ignoring me. She said that she wasn't ignoring me but that she had a life to live.

[00:01:59] That really hurt me a lot. Out of anger, I started to ignore her for a few days. After those days passed, she finally apologised to me. However, she said she needed to talk to me about something important. She wanted to introduce me to her boyfriend at dinner.

[00:02:15] She didn't sound excited about it. It sounds like she almost dreaded it. When the door rang, my mum opened it up and introduced the guy to me. I was in extreme shock. It was Brad.

[00:02:27] I almost screamed at my mum, asking her what he was doing here. Brad came forward to acknowledge that the situation was uncomfortable but he's sorry for how he treated me in school and

[00:02:36] that he really cares about my mum. My mum asked us to sit and let her explain how this all happened. I remember screaming, I don't give a fuck about your explanation. You tossed

[00:02:46] me aside for this piece of shit. You're a pathetic excuse for a mother. My mum then defended him when said, don't you dare call him that. She then said she tried to accommodate everyone in this tough situation by keeping the relationship away from me. She then said

[00:03:00] like it or not, Brad is here to stay. If you don't like it, you're more than welcome to leave. I packed my bags right there and then. I called my grandma and told her about the

[00:03:10] whole situation. She drove to my house and confronted my mum. After a shouting match between them, I left with my grandma. My mum tried calling me several weeks but I blocked

[00:03:20] her. She tried to visit me but I called the cops on her. After that she sort of gave up. It's been two years since I've heard from my mum. Then I get a call from her yesterday.

[00:03:30] She said it's urgent and we need to meet up. I don't know if I should go. Bitter Hero says, very creepy your mum is dating someone your age who was presumably her student. Seems like an inappropriate relationship before you even consider he bullied you.

[00:03:45] If you feel comfortable going to see her then maybe you and grandma can both go together. Otherwise just tell her she can talk to you on the phone or message etc.

[00:03:54] Stella says do you want to talk to her? You don't have to. If it's truly urgent then she should tell you what it's about before you commit to seeing her in person. Is it that

[00:04:03] she's been diagnosed with an incurable disease and wants to make amends or does she need money, a place to live or something else? I'll text back what is this about. Keep it all in writing. Do not commit to a phone conversation or meet up unless you want to.

[00:04:17] Typical Agency says there's three options. 1. She's pregnant. 2. She's getting married. 3. They broke up. Is she still working at the school? If so, she needs to be reported and fired. The stoner boner says first, I'm sorry that's

[00:04:30] legitimately awful. Second, I would only agree to see her if you have the emotional capacity to be extremely let down. If I was you, I might do it out of curiosity but it wouldn't be because I expected to foster or maintain a relationship with her again.

[00:04:44] I think your mother's behavior speaks for itself and you really can't expect her to do anything other than what she's already done and that is to hurt you. Her actions speak volumes to her character or lack thereof. I'm no contact with my mom. I'm a 30 female.

[00:04:59] I kept trying over the years but it's just better without her in my life. She also knowingly hired my bully to babysit me when they were 16 and I was 8. Cherish your grandma. Remain strong. Prepare for the worst. Hope for... nothing from her.

[00:05:14] One more from Wario says dude your mom is dating your high school bully. Throw the whole mom away. No parent in their right mind would accommodate someone that treated their child harshly. I don't think she cares about you dude. You may see different but how you explain

[00:05:27] this makes your mom seem heartless and values having a relationship with this guy over her own son. I'd leave. Opie then updates their post which says well curiosity got the best of me. There was also a burning desire to unload on her.

[00:05:41] I finally text back my mom asking where should we meet. She said we could meet for lunch at the restaurant at 12pm. I didn't have any class today so I was good to go. When I arrived

[00:05:51] at the restaurant I heard some woman scream my name. It was my mom who I haven't seen for 2 years. She asked how I was and said she would hug me but said she knew I would

[00:06:00] reject it. Her voice was shaken when she asked me to follow her to the table. Unsurprisingly Brad was sitting there. He didn't even look me in the eye as we sat down. He just nodded his head as if to simply acknowledge my arrival.

[00:06:12] As my mom sat down she started shooting out multiple questions. What have you been up to? Are you in school? How's it going? I got annoyed and told her stop wasting my time with

[00:06:22] these questions. What do you want from me? She responded well before we tell you can we explain how all of this happened. I said sure. For those of you asking me to get her

[00:06:33] ass in trouble with the school board. I hate to break it to you but they never interacted with each other when Brad was in school. Brad only knew about her because his friends would

[00:06:41] take pictures of her before gym class started and share them with everyone. It was Brad who approached her at a bar. She didn't recognize him so he told her he went to the high school

[00:06:51] she works at and graduated recently. My mom was lonely and jokingly told him she wouldn't tell anyone that he wasn't 21 as long as he hung out with her. They exchanged numbers and made a promise to hang out with each other. She said she knew I wouldn't be comfortable

[00:07:06] with her seeing a peer of mine so she kept it a secret and convinced herself it was going to be a short and casual relationship. Eventually the relationship got serious. When she was hanging out at his house she asked him about introducing him to me. He told her

[00:07:20] it wasn't a good idea. She responded by saying I'll get over the age gap relationship. He was forced to come clean about the relationship I had with him in high school. That's when

[00:07:29] my mom started tearing up and her voice was shaking. She said she was in shock about what she had done. She couldn't sleep at night because of the guilt. She couldn't even look

[00:07:37] at me without feeling immense guilt. She had him blocked on her phone. After a week he sent him a message on Facebook to at least meet him once since she obliged. He showed up with roses and begged for forgiveness. He even said he apologized to me in person

[00:07:52] and that he's a changed person. She took him back. The next day she invited him to dinner. My mom burst into tears and begged me to forgive her for hurting me. She then said these two years have been painful for her. Finally Brad spoke and admitted she misses

[00:08:07] you like crazy dude, she still needs you in her life. My mom said I'm sorry for being an awful mother. We want to make it up to you. We're moving to California and we want

[00:08:17] you to come with us. We will foot the bill for your education and everything else. You won't have to work at all, you'll have a permanent place in our home. I don't know

[00:08:25] what the hell came to me but I started laughing like crazy, like a madman. It was the most ridiculous proposition. Now this is what makes me the monster. This is what I really came

[00:08:36] there for. After I calmed down this is what I said to her. Mom you're just the most delusional See you next Tuesday if you think I'll ever forgive you. You are dead to me for good.

[00:08:47] The only acknowledgement you'll get from me is pissing on your grave when you pass away. Then she was hysterically crying. I got up from the table and left the restaurant. Only a minute after walking to the parking lot I hear my mom screaming at Brad to stop

[00:09:01] following me. I really wanted this confrontation. The moment he grabs my shirt I turn around and sucker punch him in the face. He drops on the road with his mouth bleeding. My mom physically restraining from hurting me until he calms down. I told them this is what I

[00:09:16] think about your proposal. It's been 4 hours now after the incident. I know deep down I should be ashamed of myself but I feel amazing inside. I don't know if adrenaline can last

[00:09:27] that long. I feel like I took my power back. Someone asked OP and they said what does a guy do that's only a year older than you to make that kind of money to pay your college?

[00:09:37] If it's your moms wouldn't she already have saved or set that up? It's just weird. OP says I don't know what job Brad has. My mom on the other hand has been saving up money

[00:09:47] ever since my father passed. I remember her telling me if I got good grades she'd take out a loan for me to pay for my school and pay it back herself.

[00:09:55] And now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

[00:10:07] Our next story comes from mom0000678 who says am I the asshole for forcing my daughter to interact with her aunt? My daughter, 16F has been refusing to interact with her aunt, my sister. Aunt, who I call

[00:10:23] Helen comes over every Monday and Thursday to bring dinner and catch up with the family. My husband and I enjoy her company and it's nice to have meals already made for 2 out of 7 days.

[00:10:33] My daughter, who I call Amy, has been avoiding her aunt like she's the plague. On Mondays and Thursdays Amy goes to either of her friends or boyfriend's house. She leaves at around 10am and won't come home until 10.30. We know that Amy isn't doing anything bad because

[00:10:49] she'll always tell us the night where she's going and will come home before a curfew. I also have a tracker which she knows about on her phone so I know where she is. Amy has

[00:10:59] been doing this since the beginning of July. Recently Helen has noticed that Amy is never home when she's over. Helen loves Amy and really wants to spend time with her but Amy refuses. On Thursday after she came home and Helen left I asked Amy why she keeps avoiding

[00:11:15] her aunt but then Amy blew up at me. Amy started yelling and crying about how horrible Aunt Helen is to her and how she always makes Amy feel like crap. Amy also said that Helen is

[00:11:27] very mentally abusive towards her and is a gaslighter. I got very angry and told Amy that she's overreacting, that Helen does slash says things out of love and that she can't help it. Amy continued to yell and cry about how horrible her aunt is. I told Amy that

[00:11:42] she was acting like a spoiled brat and I proceeded to take her phone and all of her electronics away from her. Today I talked to Amy and said that she now has to stay home on Mondays and

[00:11:52] Thursdays and spend an hour with Aunt Helen. If Amy doesn't then she'll be grounded for two weeks and she won't have her electronics for that time either. Amy started to cry,

[00:12:03] probably trying to guilt trip me and she begged to at least only do this on Mondays. I said no and I reminded her of her punishment if she refuses to comply. Amy called me an asshole

[00:12:14] and said things that really hurt my feelings. I told Helen about this and she thanked me for having my daughter stay home, after all she really does love Amy. My husband said that I went overboard with taking her things away but believes that Amy is being a brat.

[00:12:29] So Reddit am I the asshole for forcing my daughter to interact with her aunt? I think I'm in the right but I want to see what you all think. Edit. Amy has told me some bad things Helen has said and done to her in the past. I understand

[00:12:42] those things and have talked to Helen about those things. Helen has apologized and wants to make things up with Amy but Amy has refused. So I don't have to respond to every question.

[00:12:51] When Amy was younger she'd spend a lot of time over at Helen's house. Helen is the type of person who says what's on her mind and she never holds back. Helen would tell

[00:13:00] Amy if she's eating too much or too little that she looked bad, didn't look pretty as well as other things. Amy claims that Helen would force her to eat a lot, even if Amy was

[00:13:09] uncomfortable. There are a lot of things that Amy refuses to tell me so all I know is that Helen has made a few comments here and there. I must also add that these comments were made years ago.

[00:13:21] Next edit. I really love Amy and I love Helen too. Helen admits to her wrongdoings but Amy is the one who doesn't want to sit down and accept the apology. I had to pause at one

[00:13:31] second when it said Amy also said that Helen is very mentally abusive towards her and is a gaslighter and then OP says I got angry and told Amy that she's overreacting and I was like my palm was on my forehead thinking oh for fucks sake man.

[00:13:45] What Amy said in the first edit when she used to stay with Helen that she's eating too much too little which is absolutely awful and could cause all sorts of potential issues and then

[00:13:55] this says that she looks bad, doesn't look pretty as well as other things and you know then you admit that Amy hasn't even told you everything just yet because she doesn't want to and that's not enough for you. Your daughter doesn't feel comfortable about being around

[00:14:09] this person, doesn't even want to stay in the house when she's around and instead of respecting that decision and realizing that Amy has been through some absolute shit with this person you just totally downplay what she's feeling and says that she has to spend

[00:14:23] time with her. That's awful but a deleted user says first you don't get to minimize your daughter's feelings, second you do not get to minimize your daughter's feelings. This is how you ensure your daughter will come to hate you, start to rebel and ultimately cut

[00:14:37] you out of her life when she moves out. If you can't get out of your own way to take your daughter's feelings seriously then you're failing hard at being a proper parent. Edit thank you everyone for all the awards, I'm really happy to see others echo my sentiment.

[00:14:51] For everyone out there who's had their feelings minimized my heart goes out to you. I spent my youth minimizing my own feelings out of fear that by the time I found my voice I

[00:15:00] wasn't really sure who I was anymore. It took many years to learn what my real voice is. Don't let anyone take yours away from you. Dayz says you're the asshole, seriously when teens avoid adults like that, literally do

[00:15:13] not want to be in the house with a person it's likely that what she's saying is absolutely true. You're putting your sister above your daughter here and it's definitely going to cost you in the future.

[00:15:24] Edit as I re-read I'm seeing so many red flags. Do you ever track her on Amy? Her response to your 16 year old daughter saying she doesn't want to be anywhere near your sister is she's

[00:15:33] a brat. Her crying is to guilt trip you. You give zero context on why she's avoiding Helen so much, this reminds me so much of the missing missing reason. Edit 2 as I read comments I'm getting horrified. Your sister has been both physically forcing

[00:15:49] someone to eat and verbally not pretty looks bad and others abusive since you were kids but it's now okay because she's trying to get better. Not only that she comes over twice a week. Vultures Everywhere says damn you really want your daughter to cut contact with you when

[00:16:05] she's an adult huh? You're the asshole most definitely. Sorry that your daughter hurt your little feelings but why should she care about your feelings when you clearly don't give a shit about hers. She would be smart to cut you out of her life when she

[00:16:16] can, you really don't deserve to have a kid. Inside Sympathy says you're the asshole and honestly you and your sister both sound like you have heavily enjoyed being hurtful to your daughter and is disguising it as love.

[00:16:28] You also seem to enjoy gaslighting and diminishing her when she tries to call you out. I saw in a comment you said that she couldn't avoid Helen forever, it's amazingly easy to do that now as she's almost 18. If I were you I'd be more supportive of her

[00:16:41] feelings or you'll find her avoiding you as well. You're her mother, be better but be aware there is such a thing as too late when it comes to being a better parent. One more comment from Queen of Swords who says you're the asshole. Your daughter

[00:16:54] is going to great lengths to avoid someone who she states makes her feel like shit and your response is to dismiss your daughter's feelings and then force her to interact with someone she feels is mentally abusing her. What is wrong with you? Have you ever felt

[00:17:08] you were being mistreated by someone who was in a position of authority or holds power over you? The fact you are forcing her reinforces the aunt holds power over her, try to avoid them only to be told you are acting like a spoiled brat and punished.

[00:17:21] I understand how close sisters are, my sisters are the other half of my heart but your children come before everyone else. Instead of dismissing your daughter's feelings take a step back and really evaluate the situation. Why would your daughter go to such extreme lengths to

[00:17:36] avoid her aunt? You even said that your daughter is being truthful in where she goes. Isn't it a stretch to think your daughter is doing all this just to be dramatic? NOP gives us an edit slash update which says, I've read almost all of your responses and

[00:17:51] have looked through as many messages as I can. Some of the things sent to me were devastating to say the least but not as devastating as me realizing what I did to Amy. I fully accept

[00:18:02] that I am the asshole and there are no excuses to my actions. I apologized to Amy and said that whenever she's ready to talk she can. I also told her that she doesn't have to

[00:18:11] accept my apology. When Amy is ready I'll talk to her about Helen. I called Helen this morning and told her not to come over the next few weeks. She asked why but I didn't

[00:18:21] give her an answer. I don't want to confront Helen with anything until Amy feels it's okay. After all, Amy is the one who suffered the most. And unfortunately that was the final update we had on that post so I would have loved

[00:18:36] to know what happened in the future of that one. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and our next story comes from Throwaway4life who says, Am I the asshole for asking my boyfriend

[00:18:53] to charge his family member for fraud? Throwaway account Facts story, I, 27F and my boyfriend 34M have been together 5 years and have worked really hard to save for a house. 2 weeks ago we fell in love with the house and we put down an

[00:19:10] initial deposit to hold the property. The house won't be built until the end of 2022. We have been in talks with a mortgage broker and the building's finance people. Last week we received some shocking news when my boyfriend's credit score came back as being

[00:19:25] bad. There was activity on the statement that was 100% not his and a credit card that has gone into default over the last 6 months. This credit card was originally my boyfriend's but he swears he closed the account and cancelled the card mid-2019. Long story short, we discovered

[00:19:43] that a family member that was living with him a few years ago has gotten a hold of the card at some point and has been using the card on and off since 2019. They defaulted

[00:19:52] on payments in early 2020 but paid this off, then defaulted again in December of last year and the account is still in default and over $5,000 is owed in charges and late fees. Charges for shopping, news agency, takeaway food and pubs, gambling. My boyfriend has had zero knowledge

[00:20:10] of this as he hasn't had access to the account after he closed it and hasn't been receiving statements or notices from the bank. The family member has diverted these to their address. We're now unable to successfully apply for a bank loan for our house as they won't lend

[00:20:25] to my boyfriend with his credit the way it is. Our options are to 1. Proceed with fraud investigations and charges in the family member allowing us to prove that this is no fault of my boyfriend's and successfully secure the loan. Or 2. Boyfriend pays the debt and

[00:20:41] we wait at least 2 years from the payoff date for his credit to regain some loss. Option 2 sets us back at least 3 years in starting a family and our lives as homeowners. This

[00:20:51] will also not allow my boyfriend to secure a bank loan to start up his own business he's been dreaming of starting for a few years. This was the year he planned on. This has

[00:21:01] devastated us and put a massive delay in our plans. My boyfriend doesn't like conflict and is going with option 2. He isn't even planning on mentioning anything to the family member. He wants all of it to go away and thinks this family member is going through a rough time.

[00:21:17] I want my boyfriend to proceed with fraud charges and investigation. We have worked too hard to not have our dream house and him owning his own business. So am I the asshole owning a house which you're going to have to wait years to get now because of this?

[00:22:18] You know you was always going to discover this information if you wanted a house or somewhere along the line when he needed to purchase something. You were going to realise that his credit score was going to be ruined. But just say that he didn't discover it for

[00:22:31] whatever reason. This person would have continued to do what they are doing right now. You know this person may have an issue, gambling was mentioned in there. That could be a possibility right but it's still not an excuse for the behaviour that's being shown here and it simply

[00:22:45] needs to be confronted in my opinion. Dope says not the asshole but is this really someone you want to build a life with? Having this kind of baggage? He's willing to pay off a debt incurred by someone fraudulently

[00:22:58] and not even address it with that person. What happens if this person does it again? You already taught them there's no consequences if they spend the money they don't have. And

[00:23:06] then it will be tied to you as well. You need to think long and hard about whether this is something you want to deal with long term. I do think it's odd he's willing to pay for

[00:23:15] it and not address it with the person that incurred the debt. Are you sure the person didn't have permission to keep using it as long as they paid the bill? Opie responded saying I've had these exact thoughts and I'm still battling with myself

[00:23:28] on what decision I make going forward. Because I agree I'm not willing to let this person potentially do this again and it become my issue. My boyfriend swears to me he had no

[00:23:37] knowledge of this. He wouldn't have agreed to let his family member use the card as he knows this person isn't good with money. Zadidol says been there done that with a family member destroying my credit. Stealing money out of my bank accounts, writing bad checks,

[00:23:51] stealing my engagement and wedding ring to pawn it. Had to pay to get it out on the last day. Needs to report in order to fight with credit agencies and attempt to get these debts

[00:24:00] resolved. Also place fraud alert and lock his credit report so no one else can use his identity. Not the arsehole. Opie responded saying we have put a lock on his credit so no more charges or inquiries can be added to this account. This person

[00:24:13] has also used my boyfriend's identity to apply for payday loans. The credit card account has been locked also and card has been frozen. I feel right now it's still really fresh. We've known all of two days. I don't think my boyfriend is thinking clearly because it's

[00:24:28] not just the credit card lowering his score, it's all the other inquiries that have been made too. He needs the fraud report evidence to fight the rest too. Uh no says not the arsehole but it might be a losing battle. This will affect both of

[00:24:41] your futures and he's making the decision where the people who did wrong get no consequences and the innocent people get further screwed. All in the name of avoiding conflict. His response of the relative going through a hard time is cowardice and nothing more.

[00:24:55] He's showing empathy to the relatives who screwed him over with fraud and is willing to put your future on hold. 2-3 years is a lot and it could be longer because life happens.

[00:25:04] He's having no empathy for you who is collateral in this mess. He's choosing the path of least resistance and if you agree to postpone your life to protect these jerks, you will confirm

[00:25:14] to him that you are that path. Every time he has to choose who to screw over, he'll choose to spare the rest because you will create the least amount of hassle for him to deal

[00:25:23] with. That's not fair to you. You can't control what he does in the end, you can only control your actions. If he chooses to spare his family then I'd remove myself from the situation and leave.

[00:25:34] OP responds saying thank you, you've collected and arranged the thoughts I've already had so plainly in front of me. I'm seeing my boyfriend tomorrow and may show him this thread and

[00:25:43] the comments. I am hoping this will help convince him of the thing he should do in his best interest. So then OP did respond with the update which says Update, I want to begin by thanking everyone for their advice on my original post. There

[00:25:57] were some really constructive strategies and words of advice. I spoke with my boyfriend about my concerns and was honest with him that things he was telling me didn't all make sense. He was adamant he didn't know anything about the credit card or the apparent inquiries

[00:26:10] on his credit account about payday loans. My boyfriend is still refusing to open any fraud investigations against his family member and has said he will pay off the debt himself. But some other things came out during our conversation that he was hiding from me. Lying

[00:26:26] has been a big issue of his during our whole relationship. In the past I've forgiven him for his lies but I can't keep forgiving the same issue every few months when he promises

[00:26:35] to change. But we're in the same spot every few months. And I'm not talking little lies, I'm talking big lies and even bigger lies to cover up those lies. I know I'm stupid

[00:26:45] for giving him the benefit of the doubt. So in saying this, my boyfriend is now my ex-boyfriend. When I spoke with my boyfriend about my concerns above, he ended up picking up his bag and

[00:26:56] walking out on me and drove away. That was the last time I've seen him in person. This is how this man has dealt with an issue in our 5 year relationship. We haven't spoken

[00:27:06] much since but I definitely resign to the fact that my relationship is over. I think he is expecting me to forgive him like all the previous times. I've packed up his stuff and will return

[00:27:16] to him after my city comes out of our 6th lockdown. There is a good ending to this story I spoke with my mortgage broker and the housing developers. I can't afford the original townhouse

[00:27:27] I fell in love with alone but a smaller townhouse that I also loved came available and I've been approved for this one. I paid my deposit 3 days before my birthday last month. I bought a house myself.

[00:27:40] Edits oh my gosh guys this update has blown up like I never thought it would. I will try to get around to reading all the comments and messages I receive. Thank you so much for the well wishes and congratulations.

[00:27:52] Tamera says hi I work in a fraud department for a credit union and typically when they say they will pay it back instead of filing that means he did it. Good for you I'm glad some good came out of this.

[00:28:06] Opie responds saying thank you yes I've come around to the fact that this debt was his even though he still hasn't admitted it. Him and I are no longer together and I've purchased

[00:28:15] a smaller house all by myself. There have been a lot of things he has lied to me about during our 5 year relationship. I said enough was enough and called it quits and walked away.

[00:28:26] One of my favourite things about reddit stories is that you get people from all different places in life like this particular person Tamera who comes in and works for the fraud department and they've got experience in this and they said you know typically when this

[00:28:39] happens it's actually them who spend the money. It might not be of course but I just like the fact that someone else brings their own expertise to the table. But what do you guys make of this story? What would you have done in it? Was there any possibility

[00:28:54] of turning this around you think? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from Reddit and Weep who says am I the asshole for wanting to move

[00:29:07] after being lied to? My fiance 31 male and I 29 female have been together for 2 years. After getting engaged 6 months ago we decided that I would move from my downtown apartment to his 300 acres and home. He owns the land and house outright after getting it in inheritance.

[00:29:25] His place is an hour from where I'm from in a small town with nothing, stores, food etc around. Closest place to get gas is 35 minutes away and my family is an hour and a half away

[00:29:36] which isn't a huge deal but it's just been an adjustment for me. When talking about the future I explained that I always wanted to raise my children where I grew up, the suburbs.

[00:29:48] He grew up in a rural area, school system is not great but in our decision making he expressed that the best thing would be to just stay in his hometown because he will

[00:29:57] never sell his land. After a few odd things have been said by his family I started to question if he even owned this property. I've seen his land taxes but when going over his credit

[00:30:07] and taxes there is nothing at all about his property in it. I asked him a few times about it and he acted so offended that I would even ask. I woke up this morning and couldn't

[00:30:17] make the feeling that something was off. I called the county assessor and found out that this is his uncle's land and home. Uncle is a widow and works out of state. Basically for the last 6 months we've been house sitting, the furniture and everything is his uncle's.

[00:30:33] I confronted him today and honestly I'm considering just leaving but at the very least I want us to move. We have the credit and savings to buy a home but he won't budge and keeps

[00:30:42] saying his uncle will probably give him the property. I feel like he manipulated me to move here. Now his best man is calling saying this is an asshole move and makes me come

[00:30:52] off as a gold digger because I'm mad he doesn't have the assets he claimed to have. So am I the asshole? But OP did give some additional information in replies to comments so Babs Garcia says

[00:31:04] not the asshole he's gaslighting you. It's not about you being a gold digger it's about his lying. You guys were making future plans and you didn't even really want to live out

[00:31:13] there so it's not like you were with him for the house right? You need to step away and think things through. Go stay with your parents or a good friend for a bit while you think

[00:31:22] it through. Think about the fact that not even owning it is where he wants to stay at 31. Does he even have a couch, a TV or anything to contribute to a home? Or did he

[00:31:33] take advantage of the situation and smartly build up a nice nest egg or blow his income? Is living where you are with someone waiting to get stuff for free what you want for your

[00:31:43] future for your kids? If you decide to walk away what he or his friends think of you is not your problem, you do you. If you decide that this is fixable then you might as well

[00:31:53] stay in the house and save as long as you can to buy what slash where you want. Ask anybody that's had a decent deal going and left it to buy a house how they wish they would have

[00:32:03] stayed a bit longer to save even a bit more, prepare for a new place a bit more. Opie responded saying thank you for the thought out response, he has a good savings and we

[00:32:12] are both debt free. He says his whole family even says he will get this property when it's time. I however am not trying to save money to build a home on someone else's property, I don't even think that's possible with permits and everything.

[00:32:25] Corpus responds to that and says he says that but he said he owned the property. Have you seen the bank statements? Why are you trusting any of what he says? If it is true and unless

[00:32:35] his uncle is on his deathbed, you are not owning that house anytime soon. Uncle could get a new partner who wants to race horses tomorrow and you are out of a home. You really

[00:32:45] need a break from this guy to figure this out, he lied to you multiple times to manipulate you to move where he wanted to live, that is not okay. You need to think about what you

[00:32:55] actually want because he is not entertaining any kind of compromise. Is he willing to lie and manipulate to get exactly what he wants and is willing to call you names when he is caught?

[00:33:05] OP responded says oh I am moving with or without him, but yes I have access to his bank account and we have a savings together. I also have gone through his credit report. When we got

[00:33:15] together about 6 months in, I asked if I could look at it, he had a medical bill in collections that was like $300 and I made him pay it off. But yes he lied and I said the same thing about him getting fired or finding a new love interest etc.

[00:33:29] Another commenter suggested that they keep separate finances because of OP been lying for 6 months and OP responded saying no he has been lying for 2 years. We had a savings together for the wedding, I already transferred most of it into my checking.

[00:33:43] Kev Welch says his uncle might give him the land or he could ask his uncle to let him buy some of it to build his own home. But none of that matters, your fiance is a liar.

[00:33:53] He lies and when asked outright uses anger and fear to try and keep you from pressing further. Then once his lies are discovered he doesn't apologize, he accuses you of being money hungry and only have an interest in him for his assets. This is some classic

[00:34:08] DAVO use, it's a common tactic of abusers, look it up OP, not the arsehole. I haven't heard DAVO used in quite a while and just in case you haven't it stands for deny, attack and reverse victim and offender. But we have one more comment from little500honda

[00:34:24] cbr who says you never pined to be a country girl OP, you're up front about that I'm guessing. But your fiance has been stringing you along, hiding his finances and hoping you'll magically transform into Daisy Duke. You flat out lied about his inheritance and his

[00:34:39] ranch sitting for free in the hope that his uncle might someday die and leave him that property. Yes you were manipulated and then some, you were bamboozled into ranch sitting for free and given up your apartment lease too which sucks. Time to put an end to this

[00:34:56] mess. Find an affordable place in your town, near your job and in a location that you like, use your credit to either rent or buy, in your own sole name. You are not a gold digger

[00:35:07] but you are a realist, prove it to everyone and stake out your own space. Feel free to tell fiance that he can have the country or he can have you, honestly if

[00:35:17] that's a deal breaker and he doesn't want a city girl he should have left you in peace. Not the arsehole for being angry that you were massively lied to OP, lies have consequences.

[00:35:27] So then OP did give us an update in the comments of this post which says, so I know a lot of people said to take a few days and figure out what's next. I decided last night that

[00:35:37] I am done, especially since like many predicted I found out he had been lying about more than just this. I'm calling today to cancel our venue, that's $4500 down the drain. As

[00:35:50] far as the savings I have proof that what I took is mine, it wasn't much but it's over 15k so I'm confident that I can leave and have a good cushion. I have a year left of

[00:35:59] my masters program and I work a remote job with unlimited PTO. I'm taking the day off to pack and my best friend and her boyfriend who is like a brother to me offered their

[00:36:09] guest room to me. I'm going to stay there and continue saving while I look for my own property that's actually mine. I hadn't done hardly any planning for our wedding which

[00:36:19] I blamed on school and work but now I know it's a subconscious choice. I also had a separate savings that I started before we ever met in the event that I had to pay for my masters

[00:36:30] program. Luckily my job is paying for that. I think that is what is most infuriating, together he also had separate savings that doesn't have as much as mine but still. We

[00:36:41] have plenty of money and savings to buy land and build a home and we are both debt free but that is no longer an option for me. Last night he was begging to make it work, started

[00:36:52] saying he would move wherever I wanted and was apologizing profusely. I made him call his friend on speaker to let him know that he's been living a lie and that I'm leaving him.

[00:37:01] Thank you all for your responses, I'm meeting with my therapist this morning and my dad will be coming this evening to help me load up all my things. Then there was one more comment from OP which says, I was able to get some of the money

[00:37:13] back because it's so far from the wedding date, a year from now. Now I gotta say I didn't understand the logic from fiancee, relying on potentially maybe one day getting a house from someone else at 34 years old is your life plan currently

[00:37:31] and you're just, it's basically a gamble it feels to me. And not being honest and upfront to your partner of 5 years, to your fiancee of 5 years about that but basically lying and

[00:37:42] manipulating them to get them to move in with you and then hoping that it'll all work out in the end. It just seems absolutely bizarre like thinking about that, that's your future

[00:37:52] plan and like one of the comments says that uncle could find love, move in and if uncle gets married he's probably gonna pass that down to his partner then and then you're totally stuffed.

[00:38:05] And whenever I come into stories like this I always look at it from a trust point of view, someone's lied to you about something like this which to me is an absolute huge

[00:38:12] thing you've upped your life and moved somewhere else on someone else's word and it ends up just being all bullshit and that's the trust, it's broken, it's gone. How do you repair that? I know some people can repair it over time but I'd really struggle to come back

[00:38:27] from that for me anyway. You lie to me once you can lie to me again and that would be something that would always be in the back of my mind with that person which you know

[00:38:35] isn't a healthy way to build a relationship and so I'd feel that would be pretty much the end for me. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:38:48] Our next story comes from a deleted user who says I've fallen in love with the husband of the woman my husband is cheating on me with. I'm so sorry there are a lot of errors

[00:38:59] in the title and text, while I think my English is pretty awesome it's not perfect so sorry for any confusion. This is going to be a long post, will do my best to make it short. I

[00:39:10] found this sub on a podcast maybe I can find comfort about what's been weighing me down for almost a year now. I'm female 36 and my husband is male 38. We've been together for 10 years. We have one daughter who's female 6. She's everything to me. I found out a year

[00:39:27] ago that my husband is sleeping with his employee, female 30. How? Her husband, let's call him Jay, male 35 contacted me. He was heartbroken and he thought I ought to know. He provided me with text messages and dates when they've been in hotels. I recognize my husband's style

[00:39:45] and I recognize the other woman. I've seen her on multiple occasions when I visited my husband at work. She's been nothing but kind and pleasant towards me and she always doted

[00:39:55] on my daughter. I asked Jay what he wanted to do and he said he wasn't sure yet so I requested that we should meet. He agreed. I told him about my life and that I'm not currently

[00:40:05] working after the pandemic and I lost my job and now the economy I haven't really had an opportunity to find a job. Instead, I've been studying these past 2 years. If I divorce

[00:40:16] now I won't be able to provide for my daughter. That would probably put her in my husband's custody as a primary provider. I asked him if he could wait for a few months, hopefully

[00:40:26] longer, and to my surprise he agreed. I thanked him profusely but he told me that he didn't know what to do either so he's happy to wait. Also, the other woman has 3 children from a previous relationship and was worried that she would refuse him being in their lives

[00:40:41] once he confronted her because he's not the father. We kept in touch however. He called me a few times a week and soon we started to talk about other things other than our failed marriages. Afterwards we started going for walks, coffees, movies etc. I found myself

[00:40:58] thinking about him more often with a smile on my face. He was the first thing I thought of in the morning and the last thing I thought of before going to bed. For the last 3-4 months

[00:41:07] we probably mentioned our spouses once or twice. We talked about everything else and he always makes me laugh, he thinks I'm funny too. Two weeks ago we were having a picnic and

[00:41:18] he just blurted out, I think that I'm in love with you. When he then explained himself it just drove the point home that I am also in love with him. He said that at first he wasn't sure

[00:41:27] why he was feeling like this towards me and explained it away as two jilted people finding comfort in each other but then he realised he wasn't broken anymore, that he even thinks his

[00:41:37] wife's infidelity as a blessing because it led him to me. That's exactly how I felt too. I didn't know what to say. I told him that I'm terrified that these are false feelings that will go away

[00:41:49] once we've freed ourselves from those who hurt us. He just beamed at me and said he was willing to take the risk just to find out. He kissed my hand because I thought we were still married and

[00:41:59] if we did something then how would we be better than our SOs? I don't know what to do now, I find myself daydreaming about him, about introducing him to my daughter, kiss him, wake up next to him every morning. I still have one semester left and then I'm

[00:42:13] probably going to find a job. I've already had some offers for when I'm finished with my studies. I've thanked Jay so many times for being so patient with me about everything. I appreciate that he's waiting for me to put my life in order before we expose our spouses

[00:42:27] who aren't really seeing each other as often as they used to. He told me he's happy to help and he just wants a real kiss as a thank you when everything is over. My goal is now to secure my

[00:42:38] job and leave this marriage. Am I pathetic for wanting to give Jay and I a shot to see where it would go? Can two broken hearts really find happiness together when their love story started

[00:42:48] like ours? We do have a couple of updates on this post. We're going to start off with some advice from the comments starting with LemonLemon67 who says LemonLemon67 says TeslaCoil says you are absolutely not pathetic and I think it's wonderful that something beautiful

[00:43:32] came out of a horrible situation. It's definitely complicated though and won't be easy so I wish you luck. I hope it works out OP. OP responded saying the thing I dread the most is people around

[00:43:43] me start thinking less of me like I'm being petty or trying to get my revenge. But I'm genuinely in love with Jay and have been for months now. I haven't seen him since he confessed that he also

[00:43:54] has feelings for me. It felt like if we continued seeing each other it would be cheating and I don't want that. But we still talk on the phone and text, trying to keep it to the minimum though.

[00:44:04] Both feel that we know where we have each other and we could just wait. HolyFudge says how long is your semester I need an update on this lol Their faces are going to be priceless. But to give you advice put yourself into therapy and

[00:44:17] offer the same advice to your hopefully future and last husband. It will help you both. Individual therapy for both of you. Not saying your feelings aren't real but dealing with other issues will help

[00:44:27] make it more clear and help you realize where you stand and what you both want. If you two give this a try then you don't want to take this unresolved trauma and baggage into this new beautiful

[00:44:37] beginning. The baggage and trust issues will always be there but with therapy you both will learn to navigate them healthily and maturely. Another thing take it slowly. Just not for you

[00:44:47] two but for the kids involved. I don't have to say this but focus on your career and make yourself financially independent. Also your daughter is going to find out about the drama when you divorce

[00:44:57] either way so keep the therapy lined up for her. Good luck and I hope you have a great love story. Wishing you all the happiness. Good luck. Mrs Happy says this is an oddly adorable love story. I'm sorry your spouse has hurt you but

[00:45:10] maybe it's a blessing in disguise like Jay mentioned. The fact that you two haven't done anything physical despite your partners being heartless assholes is the best part to me.

[00:45:19] I say fuck it give him a try once you're single. I just ask that you take things slow as far as introducing the kids and living arrangements. I truly hope this is a happy ending for you OP.

[00:45:30] And one more from Kidney Probs who says definitely use your husband's infidelity to maximize your potential in custody battle for your daughter. You were not crazy for being in love with Jay. He was kind, patient, caring and mostly he understood exactly what you were going through.

[00:45:44] Life is too short to worry about what other people think. Keep talking to Jay like normal and once your divorce is settled give it a real shot with him. You deserve better than what your current husband gave you. You and Jay deserve to love each other. Good luck.

[00:45:58] I guess a lot of comments already said what I said. I just felt a little bit more cautious than some of them I guess. I think OP and Jay absolutely deserve love and deserve to love each other if

[00:46:09] that's what's going to happen but my concern is you know with everything going on already that it might be quite easy to just fall into each other's arms just like that. And to me it

[00:46:19] doesn't feel like although you know it doesn't feel like it's a good time to be doing it whilst you're still with your partners. Divorce them, get rid of them and then like people were saying give it a shot. And the comment about therapy absolutely especially when there's children

[00:46:34] involved at the same time. But let's move on to OP's first update to find out what happened next. And the next update came in and titled Jay and I have decided not to see each other anymore.

[00:46:47] Again this is not an update kind of is since nothing new has happened in my life but I've been feeling so down lately and my emotions are all over the place. Hopefully this post will help

[00:46:57] me sort out my feelings. I'm sorry if you find it confusing but this is how I'm feeling right now, confusion. Also I'm sorry but it's going to be a long and bumpy ride like my last one.

[00:47:08] I'm still busy with my studies especially now so close to the holidays. Thereafter I'm going to have a break until January 16th and the start of my last semester. I got two job offers,

[00:47:19] one with unpaid internships starting in April. I like this job very much since I will be working from my laptop most of the days and the other one is more of an office job but with better pay.

[00:47:30] I don't know how the custody arrangement is going to be but I feel like a job with more flexible hours is a better fit for me. The reason why I'm writing now is that Jay and I met yesterday.

[00:47:40] If you remember my last we decided not to see each other, at least not as often since the I love you talk. We did good at keeping that promise but we still saw each other once since

[00:47:50] I wrote here and we continue texting and calling each other on a daily basis. Yesterday we met on Jay's initiative. When I got to the park to our usual meeting spot Jay was already there,

[00:48:01] he had flowers, coffee and cake. I love cake, who doesn't? And he told me that we're going to have a literal celebration. He said that today was the day we first met a year ago.

[00:48:13] Yes it was, I remember that day very well. It was raining then too but it was much gloomier. I remembered how broken and desperate I was, the feeling that my world had ended.

[00:48:24] We talked a lot about the progress we made and how much stronger we both felt now. He told me he loved me and that it was all I could do not to just fuck everything and jump into his arms.

[00:48:33] He's so lovely. When I got home my husband had already picked up our daughter and they were just joking around and having fun. I felt so much sadness and pure horror building up inside of me.

[00:48:45] What am I doing? What are we doing? All of us? The guilt that washed over me seeing my daughter's happy face playing around with her food, I couldn't take it. My husband and the other woman

[00:48:56] haven't texted at all this month and they haven't met either or at least as far as Jay and I know. Of course they work together so we don't know if the affair has subsided or that they have just

[00:49:06] learned to be more cautious but my husband has been more attentive at home, warmer and more present. He says he loves me all the time and that he misses me. I haven't been intimate with

[00:49:17] him since I found out about the affair and even the smallest touch from him irks me and any beautiful word or compliment from him sets my teeth on edge. I just want to scream liar and I feel like I'm

[00:49:28] cheating on Jay and accepting my husband's affection and the disdain for myself becomes unbearable. Make this make sense, please. I looked at my husband and tried to remember what I loved

[00:49:40] about him but I couldn't. All I could see is his text to her about how great last time was and what he wanted to do to her next. All the things he once said he wanted to do and did to me that

[00:49:51] made me feel so special. I tried to think harder about the love but all I saw was Jay's face. I felt immense rage and hatred towards my husband but also towards myself and Jay.

[00:50:04] My husband because he broke us and brought this mess upon us and myself because I found that I wasn't trying hard enough with my heart occupied with someone else. Have I just given up so easily

[00:50:13] because I love Jay and my daughter? She is the one who's going to pay the hard price of seeing her home break because daddy is selfish, greedy cheater and mummy isn't trying hard enough to save

[00:50:24] her marriage when she is pining for another man. I couldn't control my feelings of anger and resentment and guilt so I wrote Jay a long text telling him this and more. He tried to call me

[00:50:36] but I couldn't answer him. My heart was swollen in my throat. I told my husband that I wanted to sleep in my daughter's room tonight, something I've been doing a lot since this started. I cried

[00:50:46] all night watching her beautiful face so peaceful and happy. This morning Jay called me again and we talked for over an hour. He was very subdued and I heard the fear in his voice. He told me that

[00:50:57] he respected my wishes in taking a break from each other but also to remember that even when I'm at my weakest I still knew exactly what I wanted and that I chose to stay to secure a future for

[00:51:08] myself and my daughter. You're too close now to your goal just to stumble and fall. He said he loved me and that he never felt like this before and that he will wait. I cried for a good hour

[00:51:19] afterwards already missing his voice. I know that my marriage is unsalvageable and I'm doing the right thing leaving it even with the nagging feeling of guilt that's simmering beneath the

[00:51:29] surface, boiling over every now and then waking me up at night but I need to do this alone now. I want to look back with no regrets. The guilt's probably never going to go away entirely but

[00:51:41] at least it won't have Jay's face now that he's not in the picture anymore. So that's what's been up with my life. I told you that it wasn't an update really and I'm sorry that is long and confusing but that's all I have right now.

[00:51:53] Edit. I am not staying in my marriage. I don't know if my English is this bad or if people don't bother reading long boring rants. I apologize for both but I'm floored because

[00:52:03] the amount of comments and attacks on me as a person and a mother for staying with my cheating husband. Please tell me where did I say I was staying? I broke it off with Jay yes but it wasn't

[00:52:14] because I'm going back with my husband. Again where did I write that I was staying with my husband? Update 2 which came around 20 or so days later which is titled Jay has now left his wife.

[00:52:25] A short update. Hi everyone, I know I had a dramatic episode last time I was here and swore not to update again but I'm a woman I can change my mind if I want to.

[00:52:36] Last time I was overwhelmed by the amount of comments and messages about being a bad mother and I just couldn't take it so I freaked out on you but today I have a little update. It's not

[00:52:45] about me, it's about Jay. Jay's mom is sick. She lives in another city about 7 or 8 hours drive away. Jay went to visit her and he texted me before going. He apologized for texting me because

[00:52:57] we weren't supposed to keep in touch anymore but he wanted to let me know he was out of town. I drove over there on Thursday because it sounded like it was serious. I arrived to the hospital

[00:53:06] around noon. He looked miserable. His mother isn't even old, she is 58. My heart is breaking, I could only stay for an hour before heading back home. I feel so guilty leaving him alone. His sisters live across the world and they won't be able to fly home before Christmas.

[00:53:24] On Friday Jay came home and broke off his marriage. I don't know all the details but he didn't mention to her that he knew about her infidelity, just that he wasn't happy anymore

[00:53:34] didn't want to be married to her. He texted me and thanked me for visiting him and his mother and told me about him filing for a divorce from his wife. He is moving back to his hometown to

[00:53:44] be with his mother. He left yesterday but he will be back once more to get the rest of his stuff. Even though I understand him and even if I wasn't seeing him anymore,

[00:53:53] the city feels empty and gloomy without him. OP updates one more time which comes over a month which says I've told my husband that I know about his affair and I've been working towards

[00:54:05] leaving him for the past year. Hi again, I'm sorry I deleted my account. I'm very new to this and I just couldn't handle the criticism I was getting so I deleted my account. I've understood now that

[00:54:17] the internet doesn't owe me politeness and people will say their opinion because I put myself out there and that makes it I guess okay for people to say hurtful things because I chose to share my

[00:54:26] story. I've learned that I could deactivate all private communication so if you have something nasty to say be brave and put it in the comments instead. Although I'm hoping for a less amount of negative comments this time since people were mainly angry that I was taking my time

[00:54:40] to leave my husband. Thankfully while my account is deleted I still with some digging found my original posts. I've included them here to those who haven't followed my story. I'm still going strong with my studies and as I said I've secured a job in April with a decent

[00:54:57] salary that will increase with 30% once I graduate 2 months later. I've also signed a lease on an apartment that is a few blocks away from my daughter's school. You can't imagine the happiness I was in when I found the apartment but most importantly that they accepted my bad credit

[00:55:13] having not had income for over 2 years now. My job contract and reference was enough and I have to pay for 3 months ahead. I get the keys April 1st too. I still need to talk to a lawyer, I just

[00:55:26] don't want to throw my money before it is getting closer and I need help. I have found a non-profit organization for women that I can call and ask for information and advice. I'm not really in an

[00:55:36] abusive marriage but they have experience of all sorts of marital and divorce problems. As I stated, since I found out that my husband was cheating on me our sex life died. In the beginning my husband didn't seem to bother about it probably, though certainly because he had

[00:55:52] someone else. Someone new but with time, it has been over a year now and god it has been the longest and yet shortest year of my life, with time he started to show me affection again,

[00:56:02] trying to get intimate with me. I avoided him like the plague. He never pressured me but he was getting upset and I felt him getting frustrated. I think his affair had died out by then or maybe

[00:56:13] it wasn't as fun and exciting for them. I don't know, I'm not an expert on affairs. For over 2 months now he has been trying to open the subject of our non-existent sex life but

[00:56:23] I just told him that I didn't have a drive or that I was busy, this being my last year of studies. I've been able to keep him at bay and while my explanations and excuses weren't making him happy

[00:56:34] they were good enough to keep him away. That is until about a week ago when he wanted to discuss this seriously. I told him again that I was busy and that my sex drive is very low, it is. He said

[00:56:44] that it wasn't just the sex. We had no intimacy, he barely is allowed to be near me. I never talk to him anymore like I don't make an effort anymore. I asked him if we could just wait until after the

[00:56:55] holidays because I'm too busy and I didn't want to ruin it for our daughter who loves Christmas. He then said something that triggered every nerve on my body, something like it was not healthy for a marriage when one partner neglects the other because then you start looking somewhere

[00:57:09] else. I just said that it wasn't true because he started sleeping with her name, way before I started neglecting him. He was in total shock. First he tried to know more, maybe he misheard me,

[00:57:24] then he started to deny it, then made excuses, then started apologizing, then he started asking for details on what my plans were. When I told him about me getting a job and an apartment,

[00:57:35] he started pleading to try and hold me. Now this past week he's tried to talk to me every day and I've been calm with him. He had so many questions why I didn't tell him before, at least he could

[00:57:46] have explained. She meant nothing to him, the relationship ended, he had no feelings for her, it was just physical. He loved me and nobody else. Think about our daughter, he regretted what he did

[00:57:58] and that's why he ended it. Why was I not more upset? I told him that I had mourned for a year and I'm over it now, he still thought this was unfair because this is all new to him.

[00:58:10] I told him about my job, my new place and I asked him to be patient with me and to think about our daughter and put her first in whatever is coming. He was so angry by that and told me that if I

[00:58:20] thought about our daughter for a second I would have confronted him there and then. Be honest, we could have tried to fix it with therapy and some efforts because he never loved anyone like

[00:58:30] he does me and he would drop everything else to try and make it right with me. But I chose secrecy, plotting and planning my life without him while pretending everything was fine. Did I though?

[00:58:41] I started crying and begged him that however angry he is with me, not to take it out in a way that affects our daughter. I told him that I did all of this for her, I didn't want her to see us

[00:58:51] fight, I didn't want to leave without having the means to offer a good life. Now he is so angry with me all the time, he barely looks my way. He is still sweet with our daughter though and that

[00:59:03] is comforting. I sleep in my daughter's room most nights. I never meant for it to blow up this soon but you can spend your whole time planning and preparing the perfect exit but life has never

[00:59:13] been predictable. I don't regret my outburst, maybe it was time anyway. I will continue communicating with him about the importance of staying civil to each other. He is angry now and he feels cheated

[00:59:25] and deceived and I get all that but I need him to put aside the hurts and think of our daughter just like I did and just like I did he will get over the pain in time. Sorry again for the long

[00:59:36] post and for the grammar. Edit, Jay is in the process of divorce too. He has moved back to his hometown because his mother is very ill I'm afraid. His sisters live in Australia but they

[00:59:46] have both come home so it feels good that he and his mother are not alone. I have visited them three times since I heard the sad news but he lives far away so I haven't been able to stay for

[00:59:55] long periods to support them. We talk over the phone every morning though and he is devastated. Edit 2, No I haven't told my husband about Jay nor am I gonna. If by chance Jay and I end up

[01:00:06] getting together everyone will know including my husband but we are not willing to tell my husband or anybody about how Jay and I met. We've decided that long ago when we were dreaming about our

[01:00:16] future together that we wouldn't tell our exes how we met. It is for the best for everyone involved. I'm keeping this promise it is nobody's business but ours. We don't know what the future holds.

[01:00:26] Jay lives in another town 8 hours drive away. We haven't talked about us in ages. We have a lot going on in our lives separately. All I care about now is his mum doing better or at least not suffer.

[01:00:39] I had to go back and read that last update afterwards because the absolute cheeky bastard got angry at OP because she didn't confront him earlier and said if you thought about our daughter you would have confronted me earlier and be honest about it. Don't get me started.

[01:00:58] Accusing OP of plotting behind his back. This dude's been cheating behind her back all this time. I've got to say I'm sorry that OP was getting shitty comments from people about it about staying

[01:01:10] with this person. I think it's very easy to say you need to leave this person immediately and you're an idiot for hanging around with this person for so long when that's just not the case. It's

[01:01:21] so many different moving parts in a relationship that you have to deal with. It's not simply up and leave immediately. She explained how she's worried about the custody, the finances, her daughter, the feelings for Jay going on in the background. It's not just all black and white.

[01:01:36] And I know some people will always say yes it absolutely is and you should leave immediately but I just don't feel it's that way. Dealing with emotions, dealing with love is incredibly difficult

[01:01:45] especially what's been going on within OP's life here. She's been cheated on, she found out it's all in the background, she's trying to deal with her studies at the same time, her daughter worried

[01:01:53] about custody. There's just so much going on in one story. How do you navigate something like that? I personally feel that OP is dealing with it to the best of her ability at the moment. Yes she had

[01:02:04] the outburst. Who wouldn't have an outburst when he's saying this shit to you to your face? And it might have been the best course of action at that moment in time. But all I can say to OP is I really

[01:02:14] do wish you the best for your future and I hope things do work out. Whatever happens with Jay, if you have a relationship or not or if it just turns into a good friendship, I wish you all the

[01:02:22] best. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. And our next story comes from a throwaway

[01:02:33] account and says, I'm either the arsehole for not wanting to go to my 26 female sister's 29 female wedding because of my insomnia. My sister, let's call her Hannah, isn't speaking to me right now

[01:02:46] because I RSVP'd no to her wedding in January. My mom wants me to change my RSVP but honestly the wedding isn't going to be possible for me to attend and based on how my sister is acting

[01:02:57] I don't want to go anymore. Ever since I hit puberty I've had really really really really bad insomnia. I usually go to bed at around 6am or 7am and wake up around 1pm or 2pm.

[01:03:11] I've tried to change my sleep style and I just can't. It's like dealing with international jet lag. Hannah knows this but always forgets and tries to wake me up for family things whenever

[01:03:21] she visits home and I have to lock my bedroom door and really work to keep her out. When I got the invitation for Hannah's wedding I was super excited for her because she has always

[01:03:32] wanted a big wedding and it looks like she's going to get it. That might not be what I want slash would want but she does and that is exciting and I can acknowledge that. But then I saw the

[01:03:43] timeline and there's a brunch at around 10am, the ceremony is at noon and there's an afternoon party. I asked Hannah if I could just come to the afternoon party since I'll be sleeping at 10am

[01:03:54] and she got furious and started yelling over the phone how since I'm her sister I need to be there for the ceremony. I laughed and told her there was no way I could be there on time because

[01:04:05] it would basically be like trying to get someone on a 9-5 work schedule to attend an event at 2am. I probably shouldn't have laughed but it just felt so ridiculous. If she wanted me to be there

[01:04:16] for the whole thing she needed to plan for a time when I could actually attend. I work a full-time job as a freelancer just not normal hours because of my insomnia so it really bugs me when people

[01:04:26] act like my time is worth less than theirs. But now wedding preparations are happening at the house, the brunch is going to be here and my mom is really upset with me for not coming to the

[01:04:37] wedding. She wants me to apologize to Hannah and be one of her bridesmaids. Hannah isn't speaking to me at all but she is speaking to our mom so maybe that is what she also wants. I just feel

[01:04:48] like she owes me the apology not the other way around. I might be wrong because this is the first big fancy wedding in our family and maybe I just need to suck it up because it's tradition to have a morning breakfast or something. Am I the asshole?

[01:05:03] And then someone in the comments asked how OP made it through high school and they responded I know I shouldn't have laughed. High school was really difficult for me. I was bullied a lot and

[01:05:14] late to morning classes pretty much every day. I ended up taking classes online for my senior year to graduate on time and it worked so much better. The thing is that I just can't think when I'm so

[01:05:25] tired in the mornings and doing things online saved me. I got a college degree online at night and now my freelancing is also online and I can just do that at any time. So it's not like my

[01:05:36] insomnia has been a problem for my career or my friends. Just this one conflict with Hannah. Empress Janus Solo says OP you don't have insomnia, you get plenty of sleep. You likely have delayed sleep phase disorder. It's when your natural sleep cycle is different from most people

[01:05:52] and makes you nocturnal. The writer describes their experiences here and shares a link. All that said, your sister is essentially asking you to pull an all-nighter. It's uncomfortable but often doable for most people as a one-off experience.

[01:06:05] Your sister is likely having a morning and afternoon wedding because it's cheaper. I don't think you're necessarily the asshole, especially since your family doesn't seem to understand the severity of what they are asking from you. At the same time, I don't think you're

[01:06:19] doing enough to try to do something you really want to do. You do want to be there, correct? Either no one's an asshole here or everyone sucks here. It sounds like there is a lack in

[01:06:29] communication and accommodation all around. OP responded to that and says oh my god I don't know what to say. The article made me cry, thank you. And quotes my fatigue is less a product of

[01:06:40] my own body and more of society's expectations for when one ought to be awake. Empress says yes, if I could be different I would be. But you are also right and so is everyone else on this thread.

[01:06:52] I do want to be there so I need to try harder to be there. I like the idea of doing an all-nighter to just stay up late so I can be there on time for breakfast. I don't know if Hannah will forgive me

[01:07:04] and let me attend again but I'm going to apologize and ask if I can come. We may butt heads but she is my only sister and I don't want our relationship to be nuked over this and it's clear that it will

[01:07:15] be if I don't apologize. Danger Lime says you're the asshole for expecting the events to be planned around you, for laughing and for not caring enough about her wedding to consider talking to a doctor for help. If this happened in puberty how did you attend high school?

[01:07:33] T-Bit says you're the asshole for laughing at your sister and expecting her to plan her wedding around your chosen sleep schedule. People who work second and third shifts frequently have to plan ahead and adjust their schedules in order to attend family events or trips. It's not easy

[01:07:48] but it's definitely doable. Go to your doctor and start planning on how you can best change, temporarily, your sleep schedule so that you can be a part of your sister's wedding. If you don't, be prepared to face a lifetime of resentment or low contact,

[01:08:01] no contact as you continually miss family milestone events. Bookie Nerdworm says you're the asshole for sleeping disorders and sleep disorders aren't automatically insomnia. Since you can sleep for 6-8 hours straight that doesn't sound like

[01:08:14] insomnia at all. You have time to try to adjust your schedule between now and the wedding. Also go see an actual specialist about this and not just your primary care physician. And one more comment from Sophie Blitz who says I have very similar issues and you can

[01:08:28] get to one event on time. You are also seemingly very unbothered by it. Your only issue is that she is mad and you are not upset at the prospect of missing it. You must have to get up for some

[01:08:39] stuff, meetings, interviews, appointments, travels, bookings. I see someone has brought up school. Again, I have similar issues and I do understand that it's more difficult than it sounds. But if something is important, I have a series of somewhat mental things to do that will ensure I

[01:08:55] can get up and be present. The fact that you aren't even going to try and make it to her wedding does mean you're the asshole. Sophie then edited their post which says

[01:09:07] okay that was a universal am I the asshole. I will apologize to Hannah and ask if I can still attend the wedding. I think it is probably best if I am not a bridesmaid but I can still put on a

[01:09:18] dress and show up even if I am tired. Thank you to everyone that sent in medical tips. I am realizing that I need to get a second opinion that isn't our family doctor.

[01:09:28] Because she is actually kind of dismissive about my sleep issues and I used to like that because she made my mom calm down and supported me with a doctor's note for online high school. But some of

[01:09:39] you mentioned high blood pressure and delayed sleep phase disorder and I want to talk to someone who is at least willing to investigate that with me. Then OP gave us their first update which says

[01:09:50] I sat down and talked with my mom about the situation with Hannah and it was rough but I think she understands a little better now where I'm coming from and is going to help me find a

[01:09:59] sleep specialist to go to. I asked her if she thought I should call Hannah directly or if she should talk to her first and she said I should do it so I tried calling but she didn't pick up

[01:10:11] so I sent her an apology text. No response yet but I said sorry for laughing and for acting self-centered and that if she would still have me at the wedding I'd be happy to attend but

[01:10:21] that I probably shouldn't be a bridesmaid but I could do other things at the wedding like pass out stuff and that I just want to make sure she has a good time. I don't know if she will forgive

[01:10:30] me but I do feel better now that I am trying. I've been also watching a lot of videos on sleep rhythm disorders and a lot of symptoms in my life make more sense now so seriously a big thank you

[01:10:42] to everyone who gave me tips and ideas for what to search and what to ask my new sleep doctor once I find one with my mom. OP then shares another update which came around a week or so later

[01:10:54] which says first off it was a big eye-opener to see that so many people thought I was the arsehole and after reading your comments I agree with you. I guess I have been living a kind of sheltered life

[01:11:05] and I wasn't thinking about the wedding the way I should have. I was kind of viewing it as a big party more like a birthday party than a once in a lifetime event and that was a mistake.

[01:11:15] Hannah asked me if I could get a coffee with her outside of the house and I was a little surprised that she wanted to meet that way but I obviously said yes. I was getting really worried that she

[01:11:25] wasn't going to respond at all but I think that was the best decision ever because Hannah and I had a great conversation. It was kind of intense but I think really necessary about some stuff that

[01:11:35] happened when we were kids and our relationship with our mom. I won't go into all the details here but TLDR Hannah apologized for trying to wake me up whenever she visited. I apologized

[01:11:45] for laughing about her wedding and we both agreed that I need to a. talk to more doctors and b. move out of our mother's house. We grew up pretty sheltered and I hadn't realized how much it was

[01:11:56] impacting my mood and energy until Hannah started talking about what she experienced when she moved out and went to college. She left home pretty early at 16 so we really didn't know each other as

[01:12:07] adults much at all. Hannah told me that when she first moved out everything got easier with our mother and she started going to therapy and got really into fitness and nutrition and she realized

[01:12:17] that she felt a lot better with less contact with our family but she got really worried about me being left home and wanted to check on me slash encourage me to move out too but didn't know how

[01:12:27] to communicate that. Particularly since I was always sleeping whenever she was over. I have some money saved from freelancing and saving on rent so I'm going to think about different places

[01:12:38] to move to. My job can be done from anywhere so now that I'm thinking about moving out it feels weird that I was so stuck in my high school routine and I didn't even consider any other options.

[01:12:49] My sleeping schedule is still super fucked up but Hannah has a friend who's a nutritionist that is willing to do a consult with me over Zoom so that's something I'm going to do next week.

[01:13:00] I called my family doctor and asked for referrals but the only available appointment slot is like two months out and I'm not sure if I will even be in the state at that point so I didn't book it

[01:13:10] yet but I'm definitely going to try and get a medical team once I know what my plans are. Thanks again to everyone, particularly everyone who messaged me directly with advice. Opie added one more relevant comment which says

[01:13:21] Hi, I'm definitely going to book with other specialists. The nutritionist is just one part of the medical team I hope to put together. I just mentioned her explicitly since I already have that appointment scheduled and I think it's nice that my sister helped me connect with her.

[01:13:35] I wish we had some more information about the sheltered life around mom as well as it seemed like there was a lot more there going on. But what do you guys make of this one? Let me know your thoughts down

[01:13:49] in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from a throwaway account and I do want to give you a warning before we get into the story it does contain sexual assault and is titled I, 25F, agreed to be a surrogate for

[01:14:06] my sister and her husband, late 30s, but am regretting it now. For most of my life my sister Alice has been wanting kids but has been unable to carry a baby to full term, in part due to

[01:14:18] endometriosis. She was in a lot of pain and had to have a hysterectomy. Alice and her husband Ben have fostered 5 children and have adopted 2 children with autism and are great parents. They have a good home environment and are financially well off, but recently Ben and

[01:14:35] after a while Alice was bitten by the urge to have a kid biologically related to them because they wanted a chance to do things right and provide the best start in life, their views not mine.

[01:14:48] So they asked me to be their traditional surrogate and said that they would cover all costs, medical, legal, etc associated with it. They would also be paying off a student dent, renting a 2 bedroom apartment for 3 years plus giving me a substantial amount of cash.

[01:15:05] I said sure it'd be 9 months of my life in exchange for being set up for quite some time and my immediate family thinks it's a great idea. However when I said sure I was expecting

[01:15:17] something along the lines of IUI, where we'd go to the doctor to get Ben's sperm prepped, me getting shots etc, basically the whole artificial insemination package. Alice and Ben have asked me to well get pregnant the traditional way. Their rationale is that 1.

[01:15:35] It is the cheapest way 2. They don't want to go to the hospital given the corona pandemic 3. They think babies conceived naturally are healthier slash the pregnancy would be safer without the

[01:15:46] chemicals. I just can't get over the extreme ick factor and if this was going to take place at home I think a syringe would work fine. Am I going loony for thinking of going back on my word?

[01:15:58] Is their request reasonable? My immediate family doesn't see anything wrong with it and has been congratulating my sister on her impending baby. On the other hand, if I do give it up am I also mad for passing up what is essentially 200k, especially in this economy now.

[01:16:15] Edit Thank you, I see that I'm completely out of my depth here and will be discussing with my sister about alternatives that don't include me carrying the baby. Not looking forward to that discussion though. Before we go to the update we're going to cover some comments starting

[01:16:29] with Limerick who says this is just wrong in so many ways. Who can support this method of getting you pregnant? It could take multiple attempts. How many times does Ben want to have sex with you? Is Alice really okay with her husband having sex with you? Mindtaker says

[01:16:45] none of this is okay. You are too young and not to be mean, dumb to make this kind of life altering experience. 25 is not an age where you can actually know if this is the right thing for

[01:16:56] you. You barely know who you are now. You are just getting comfortable in your own skin and you sure as shit don't have the tools to make this kind of decision on your own without legal and medical advice and meetings. Never fuck your sister's husband under any circumstances.

[01:17:11] That sounds like a straight up fucking plot. No reasonable human would suggest that which makes me think her husband found himself a loophole and used some google research to find enough bullshit evidence to present it as an option. You say they are great parents and that's wonderful

[01:17:25] but to think of this, to present this and to believe it, they're straight up fucking idiots. As fucking idiotic as anti-vaxxers and flat earthers. So while it's great to know you don't have an ounce of smarts to be a good parent, this doesn't make this idea good. Finally,

[01:17:42] two special needs kids is a tough road to go down period. A third is a fucking bad idea. To even say to have our own kid is fucked right up. Think about what even starting that line of

[01:17:54] thinking will end up doing to the kids who aren't their own. Don't do that to a kid man. These people are fucking idiots and they've dragged you into their nonsense. The reason I said that you're

[01:18:05] too young and not wise enough to do it is a proven fact that you even considered it. You are such a great sister and clearly a nice person trying your best to help out your family, but

[01:18:15] this is such a clusterfuck of bullshit and bad ideas by two people who should know better. Man, you have a fucked up family to have any of them go along with this. A super fucked up family.

[01:18:26] Pregnancy fucks your shit up. Being your sister's husband's human fleshlight is fucked right up. If you meet a man in the future, take a long fucking time before introducing him to that bunch of skin bags because that's just an entire family of red flags draped in stupid.

[01:18:40] Anyone who wants to make a human being using the lowest bidder is insane. To do something awful and unsafe because it's cheaper. Your sister and her husband are the hail burden of human beings.

[01:18:51] Dear god don't do this. And most of the comments went pretty much along that line so we're going to go straight to Opie's update now which says,

[01:20:27] I've been ignoring their text so far and frankly I don't know what else to say. Anyway, thank you from the bottom of my heart for opening my eyes. Opie then posts another update which came around 4 months later which says,

[01:20:39] Leaving for the airport in a few hours to move across the country and I can't sleep. I plan to slowly phase out contact with my family and community even though I love the people in

[01:20:49] there a lot. Long story short, I went over to Alice and Ben's house to visit their kids in May. While there, they asked me in person to reconsider my decision. Sometime during this, Ben started kissing and groping me. I let him. I know typing this out

[01:21:05] makes me seem dumb for going over and weak because I was but I just froze and it was very difficult to say no in the moment especially with my sister crying and Ben having quite a presence in person.

[01:21:16] Trust me, I've replayed this scenario so many times in my head wishing I was stronger in that moment. Luckily, that was the extent of it and I was able to leave shortly after because

[01:21:25] I don't know what I would have done otherwise. I also received surprisingly no support from my parents or my bishop regarding my earlier decision. I didn't tell anyone the recent event.

[01:21:36] I don't think they knew what Alice and Ben were asking me exactly and I didn't bring it up either. I was already sort of an outsider for not really conforming to the usual lifestyle of being married with kids but this still shocked me.

[01:21:50] All these things combined made me re-evaluate my life. Working from home and having this much time alone has also given me a lot of time to think about things. I found down the rabbit

[01:22:00] hole of reading stories of people who also left the church and I want that life for me. So I spent the last 3 months making arrangements, transferring to another part of my company

[01:22:10] and today is the big day. I know it's not going to be easy, pretending to be normal at the last pioneer day family gathering was the hardest thing I needed to do but I did it for myself

[01:22:21] and for closure. But I'm going to get through this. Thank you for the advice and stay safe everyone. And OP shared one more post which was titled Feeling Grateful One Year On. My one year anniversary of leaving the mess that was my family behind is coming up.

[01:22:38] Dusting this old account off to keep a log that maybe I can look back on. It's a beautiful sunny day here, just feeling really grateful for life and all the opportunities I've had. Here's to the first year without them.

[01:22:51] Holy moly. Now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Absolutely wild and I'm glad OP got out of there but let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. And our next story comes from Pwojax who says

[01:23:10] I, male 32, ruined Christmas and I have no regrets. Is anyone else's family this dysfunctional? Every year there is an argument in my family and after 32 years I was the one who blew up for the

[01:23:24] first time. Long story short, I'm half Korean, half white. My mom is Korean, my dad is white. So we only have my dad's side here in the US. For years I watched some of my dad's

[01:23:36] side speak down to my mom. They never invite her to things. Me and my brother have always been treated like outsiders by some family members. To be frank, I don't care how I'm treated. Every year we bite our tongues and survive the holidays because it's only 2-3 times

[01:23:52] a year. We repeat the process and don't expect much from these family members. My mom even buys gifts every year for these family members and she gets nothing in return and never complains.

[01:24:03] My white grandma is 80 and she's the only thing anchoring us to some of these family members. Three times today I watched a family member, aunt, raise her voice to my mom. Speak to her as if she

[01:24:16] doesn't speak English and shut her down over simple questions like where should I sit? I watched my mom quietly recoil and I couldn't stand to see it again. This aunt does it the most and

[01:24:26] I finally blew up. I yelled so loud that everyone stopped what they were doing. I told them enough is enough to start treating my mom with respect and as an equal in this house. To stop speaking

[01:24:37] to my mom, who's lived in the US for 35 years, like she doesn't speak English and stop shutting her down over simple questions. I watched it happen year after year and will not allow it to happen

[01:24:47] anymore. My aunt stomped away and was so upset she left. As she was leaving I walked up to my aunt to hand her my mom's yearly gift to her. I said for 30 years I watched my mom give you a gift

[01:24:59] every year. I watched her speak to you as an equal with respect. I've never seen you treated with the same. She didn't say anything but before she left she apologized to my mom. Before I left I apologized to everyone and explained why I was upset. Everyone was shocked

[01:25:14] how mad I got. I felt like everyone understood why I was mad. Prior to this, around Thanksgiving, I spoke to some family members about how I was hurt. They never included my mom on family things

[01:25:26] or even text about family emergencies, which they have been trying to do more. After blowing up it made things awkward. People trickled out early too. Now my grandma is talking about not doing Christmas anymore due to the constant family drama. I feel bad but I've never

[01:25:44] felt so proud to stand up for my mom. Does anyone have any advice on this? Handling rude family? Should I do something else? But I'm back says Everyone's family is a bit dysfunctional. Your aunt needed that,

[01:26:26] your mom needed that, your grandma can get over it or not, her decisions are her own. You didn't ruin Christmas. That was happening for 32 years before you spoke up. Bedtime Shine says you should have done this a long time ago. Actually, your dad should have.

[01:26:43] Ladywhatever replies to that and says exactly. Why does he let family do that to his wife? That's fucked up. OP responded to that and says when I was younger, my mom would always want to

[01:26:53] help with cooking or in the kitchen. They'd blow up on her if she didn't do it right or quick enough. They all have control issues. In the last 10 years she's been resorting to sitting in the

[01:27:03] living room watching TV. Recently it's just simple questions, where should I sit? Honey, do you want leftovers? It also drives me nuts when people's octaves rise when they speak to someone whose second language is English. My mom has lived in the US longer than she lived in Korea.

[01:27:21] It makes me miss my grandfather who died when I was younger. He treated her like a daughter. Ladywhatever says even if you ruined Christmas it was the good thing to do. Nobody should put

[01:27:33] down someone else like that. Rude and disrespectful. I bet your mom is going to reprimand you about it because she seems like a very respectful person but deep down she's very proud

[01:27:43] of you. OP said yeah she told me we are better than that but also said I don't know what the hell is wrong with her. My mom is uber religious so she's been praying about it for years. It's

[01:27:54] been her coping mechanism to be honest. I'm like f that. She also just gave me a long hug in the kitchen a few minutes ago. A deleted user says to OP where is your dad from all of this? If somebody

[01:28:06] dared to mistreat my wife I will fuck them up. OP responds and says he's had arguments with this family member too. I'm not offended about people asking about my dad. People are just trying to

[01:28:16] understand and provide advice. It's genuine concern and support. My dad has to pick his battles just like all of us. My mom demands we go for grandma's sake. My dad would have stopped

[01:28:27] going years ago but my mom does it out of respect. My dad has also stepped up in other ways. 36 years ago a military supervisor told my dad he was making the worst mistake of his life for

[01:28:39] marrying my mom. That he was just lonely and would change his mind once he moved back to the US. Taking a chance is bravery. Being in a multiracial family is bravery. I haven't experienced the

[01:28:51] adversity as others but things happen. I just see things as a way to make me stronger. I've watched my dad step up so many times it was my turn to do it. Defending my mom is everyone's responsibility.

[01:29:03] My mom allowed it to happen. I watched it my whole life. My dad tolerated it. Grandma watched it happen. My other family members watched it happen. There's no one to blame besides the person who's

[01:29:14] rude in the first place. Regardless, I appreciate people's perspectives and we should all step up when we can. Meeseek says you put some pompous assholes in their place. You can rest assured

[01:29:25] things have changed. They will be the ones biting their tongues now. I would have loved to been there to watch their faces. They knew what they were doing and now they feel bad that you made them

[01:29:35] feel ashamed. Good on you. What did your dad say? Opie responded saying my dad was in the family room when he heard me yelling and was near one of my other aunts who said, oh shit someone fucked up.

[01:29:47] My dad to be honest is emotionally drained. He's been wanting to do something else for years but my mom who's the kinder person said she will keep going as long as grandma does it. So Opie went on to edit this post which says

[01:30:00] Mom's reaction. On the car ride home my mom expressed some words about my aunt which she never does about anyone. She's always taken the high road. It's a very Korean Christian mom approach.

[01:30:11] My mom's method of being a pacifist is a very much older immigrant slash Korean slash boomer approach too. It's taught me a valuable skill in life. I don't regret picking my battles and that's why

[01:30:22] I'm so appreciative of being Korean slash white. After we left she gave me a very long mom hug. She didn't say anything and asked me if I wanted my favorite Korean dish.

[01:30:34] Where is my dad? He was in the other room. Yes my dad could have done more over the last 35 years. He's gotten in arguments with everyone my whole life including this aunt. We'd be fighting every year with someone new if we didn't pick our battles.

[01:30:48] We would have stopped going years ago but my mom wants to go out of respect for my grandma. My dad is the only one who isn't petty about dumb shit. Defending my mom is everyone's responsibility not just my dad including my grandma, aunt, other family members and me.

[01:31:04] As soon as I got loud my dad came into the room and stood guard. I can't describe it. There wasn't much for him to say or do because he didn't hear it. I was quick to unload and my aunt immediately

[01:31:14] walked away because she was embarrassed. My white side has a keep grandma happy approach which is dumb. For years my dad would be on the verge of saying things and my mom would demand that he

[01:31:25] didn't. Me? Reflecting on this as a whole I can't believe the response. It shows you everyone has screwed up family in some way. After Thanksgiving I started to speak to family one on one which

[01:31:38] has had a good response. I have no relationship with this aunt. I should have pulled her aside even as the nephew who's 30 years younger. A small part of me regrets it and I will be

[01:31:48] glad to sit down with her still. If she's not willing to try or work it out like other people responded, fuck her. Please don't use my experience as a reason to blow up on anyone.

[01:31:58] I should have tried to speak and did what I felt was right. I don't regret it. Grandma's 80th birthday is in 2 months. I can't wait for that to be awkward. Someone made a comment that people can't be educated until you give them a chance to be

[01:32:12] aware of their actions which is fair. Regardless people will now think twice to be rude to my mom. Cheers and have a happy new year. Now OP gives us their full update which says I wanted to update the kind people who took the

[01:32:25] time to give me advice and affirmation last Christmas when I really needed it. I wanted to provide an update how Christmas and the year went. Long story short I'm half Korean half white. My family has always been rude to my mom and

[01:32:38] treats her as an outsider. Every year my mom brings over gifts for everyone and gets nothing in return. She never causes drama but gets treated like crap and I think because of their own biases.

[01:32:48] My white grandma is 80 and the last grandparent alive. She is the only reason we get together with them. After 32 years I finally blew up on a rude family member, my aunt who disrespected my

[01:32:58] mom with a few expletives. I blew up in front of the whole family demanding that the behavior needs to stop. My actions ended Christmas because everyone left quickly after. I felt liberated

[01:33:10] for standing up for something I've been feeling for years. Last year I was looking for advice on how to manage the fallout of what I did. Update The year has been interesting. Immediately after Christmas I sent an apology letter to my aunt.

[01:33:26] I went against some advice but my letter requested to not let the situation impact the family. I left a lack of any relationship in her hands and shared everything can change if she gives

[01:33:36] my mom a little more respect. I decided to send a letter because she lives 3 hours away and I've never spoken to her on the phone for more than 30 seconds. I didn't think a phone call would help

[01:33:46] or fix the situation especially after I blew up. After Christmas I apologized to my grandma for what I did. I let my grandma know I sent an apology letter to my aunt. My grandma told me

[01:33:56] she is and always wants my mom to feel like she is part of the family. I could tell my grandma was on the verge of crying when she said that. My grandma told me blowing up was not okay but

[01:34:06] understood why I did it. Hearing that felt really good. In regards to the letter I got no response. My aunt denied ever getting it. We know my aunt got the letter because when my grandma confronted her about last Christmas my aunt went into a rant

[01:34:21] about several things I mentioned in my letter. My grandma did tell my aunt what she did was wrong and she needed to change. In February my aunt didn't come to my grandma's 80th birthday party.

[01:34:32] She told other family members that she didn't want to cause an argument so she didn't want to come. My aunt didn't come to my grandma's on Mother's Day dinner because she supposedly had to work. My family didn't get together the rest of the year. Thanksgiving and Christmas came.

[01:34:48] Things are not perfect but Thanksgiving and Christmas went really well this year. I was going to post after Thanksgiving but the gathering was smaller than usual and I wanted to see how Christmas went. During Thanksgiving and Christmas everyone was very

[01:35:01] kind to my mom. It felt like everything shifted. Everyone spoke to her differently and it feels really good. My mom got help in the kitchen for the first time ever. I know that sounds dumb but

[01:35:12] my mom has always wanted to help cook because she loves to cook. It was the first time she didn't spend the whole day in the living room. At one point during Thanksgiving my mom asked me to help

[01:35:23] her dry dishes. While we were washing and drying dishes my mom was smiling the entire time. At one point my mom stopped putting dishes away and randomly hugged me. We laughed and had fun

[01:35:34] the entire time. No one argued and no nasty remarks. My mom was treated as an equal and it felt really good. In regards to the aunt that I yelled at last year, she came late to Thanksgiving,

[01:35:46] so late we were eating when she arrived. At Thanksgiving my mom did initiate the first interaction with my aunt. She was not very conversational but polite to my mom. My aunt didn't look at me the entire time. When she arrived I went to say hello and she turned

[01:36:00] away and kept their distance the entire time. She basically stayed in a different room the entire time. She also left early and was the first to leave. The best part, I don't care.

[01:36:11] I apologized and left the future in her hands. If she treats my mom well she will get nothing but respect in return. Christmas was as if nothing happened. My aunt didn't really talk to me but

[01:36:22] she was incredibly nice to my mom. I'm okay with that. Both my parents said they have never seen my aunt so nice before. My mom got to help in the kitchen just like Thanksgiving. This year for

[01:36:33] the first time it felt like my mom was an equal in the family. Everyone was incredibly nice. No arguments, snide remarks or drama. I regret yelling but it changed everything. I think it put

[01:36:45] everyone on notice they need to change. There were a lot of questions and comments about my dad. The comments were hard to hear but true. They helped me reflect on what my dad has

[01:36:55] slash hasn't done. The truth is my dad has been the glue of the family for years. He spends so much time being the middle man and trying to repair issues. At times it's been at the expense of my

[01:37:05] mom. Regardless, my dad's lack of actions over the years doesn't make it right. Over the summer I told my dad what I felt. I told him that I was disappointed in him and that his family has

[01:37:16] never been kind to my mom. I told him he should have done more. My dad didn't take it well but he told me I did the right thing. My relationship with my dad is complicated. I know though I'm not

[01:37:28] going to make the same mistakes he has. We are different people and I will do whatever is needed. If you're reading this and have a similar situation, if you have people or someone rude

[01:37:39] in your family, try to take a moment to sit someone down. Hear them out and try to do the right thing from the start. When you have the convo, stay calm. If they are not willing to hear

[01:37:48] you then make it known. Blowing up could have gone either way and I'm lucky it fixed things. Try to loop in other family members before or after so they understand your reasons and can

[01:37:58] back you for your choice. My post last year gave me affirmation what I did was right. Follow your heart, it might fix years of issues. Opie Then Opie comes in with one last little update which says

[01:38:12] Because of COVID my grandma is in her 80s and in declining health. We don't do holidays together. In early 2021, my brother and sister-in-law moved back from Korea during COVID in 2020. We made Christmas amazing. My sister-in-law is from Korea and we made Christmas amazing for her.

[01:38:30] We make her a full member of our family. We haven't even seen my father's side. Now we do Christmas with just my parents, no extended family. My parents cook Thanksgiving and Christmas together. I feel bad my grandma celebrates with only one aunt who looks after her.

[01:38:47] In some ways I've come to realize she contributed to the dynamics too. I truly love the holidays now. I'm now seeing someone and our families hang out. In some ways my mom gets to be the head female for the family. She doesn't have to hide anymore.

[01:39:04] Opie is a very thoughtful man and his mother clearly deserves to be defended considering how well she raised him. Opie came into that and said Hey this is me. I'm so honored people repost this. I feel like it gives people hope to know

[01:39:24] everyone has shitty family. This year my family is renting a cabin in the woods, cooking Korean-American food. No extended family, no drama. I'm sad we aren't really close to my extended family anymore. I've come to realize relationships have to be two ways.

[01:39:42] My grandma still gets together with some of the extended family, including my rude aunt, but they don't have anyone else. I'm okay with not seeing them anymore. Reflecting on this now,

[01:39:52] I'm good but my mom still brings up we should do holidays with my dad's family if they ask. The rest of us are like, F that. My mom still makes us facetime with them but that lasts 10 minutes.

[01:40:27] This story comes from noyouth6786 who says am I the asshole for snapping at my friend who keeps ditching me because I now have a child. Just over 2 years ago I, female 29, unexpectedly got pregnant and now have a beautiful 18 month old daughter, Kira. Over that time my

[01:40:53] friends circle got considerably smaller but my best friend remained, Mia, female 31. Mia doesn't have kids nor wants kids but she has been brilliant with Kira. I'm a stay at home mom and obviously don't have as much time to hang out as I did previously.

[01:41:09] Mia and I live on the same street, we're in Manchester, England, and it's walking distance between our houses. I've told Mia numerous times that she can just pop in whenever she wants to.

[01:41:19] She works from home but she rarely does. She did at the beginning but it's been happening less and less. Instead she keeps suggesting we go out for coffee or pizza or even a drink but

[01:41:30] I don't have the time and I always tell her to come over and we'll have a coffee at my place. She asked if I wanted to go out with her and her other friends for a drink last weekend

[01:41:39] but I said no but she's welcome to come over and we'll have a few drinks at mine. She said she already had plans and it felt weird to drink when she knows there's a child around.

[01:41:48] Honestly I feel neglected. I feel like she put me on the back burner and doesn't want to be friends anymore. I'm always available but she rarely comes over and I don't think that's fair.

[01:41:59] Today I saw her photos from Saturday night out and I was fuming. She ditched me just so she could go and drink like she's 20 again. I felt rejected and horrible. I thought we were

[01:42:10] best friends but she clearly doesn't value me when she won't have a few drinks with me at my house. When she finished work she called and asked if I fancied going for a coffee to town

[01:42:20] but I asked her to come over again. She said yes but before she disconnected I heard her mumble like always. This really annoyed me. When she came over I decided to be open about everything

[01:42:32] and while not my proudest or most mature moment I shouted at her that she's an awful friend, that she barely comes over and if she doesn't want to spend time with me to just say it and stop playing around. She said she's always been accommodating but it's

[01:42:46] been two years and she doesn't want to spend time with me when there's always a kid, especially now that she has to watch her language. Mia likes to swear. I said that she knew I had a

[01:42:56] child and responsibilities and she said that Tom, my partner, could take care of Kiera once in a while so I could have time off. This felt really intrusive and I told her to mind her own business

[01:43:07] and not meddle in my marriage. I was really angry with her and kicked her out. She called me a selfish asshole on her way out. Normally I would expect her to call by now with apologies

[01:43:17] but she hasn't done so and I'm starting to wonder was I the asshole or was she? Perhaps I was too harsh and should have been more careful with discussing it. But we're going to start with Haitham Ken who says you're the asshole, she didn't ditch you.

[01:43:42] She asked you to go out with her friends and she'd made plans. She's not drinking like she's 20, she's drinking like someone who doesn't have a child. PS she's right, your partner can look after your daughter once in a while and should do to try and bond with her.

[01:43:56] Funky Orange Penguin says you're the asshole, you're always expecting her to accommodate you because you have a child. She's been coming over to your house for over a year because she understands your life has changed. You're putting in very little effort and assuming that

[01:44:09] it's on her to maintain the friendship and compromise. Why? Because you're a mom? She didn't ditch you, you've been a shitty friend for a while and she's probably done with you. And one more comment from Katana who says you're the asshole,

[01:44:23] you refuse to do anything outside the home. She asks you constantly. You're evidently working on being a helicopter mom. At some point you need to leave the home and do something without your child. It's better for both of you. And you ditched her, not the other way around.

[01:44:39] Now there was pretty much a lot of you're the asshole comments but maybe you have a different opinion on the matter. Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. And our next story comes from Square Indication 29 and says my step daughter ran away from the

[01:44:54] birthday party I threw for her. I, 35F, have been married for 7 years to my husband, 45M. Who is a single father to my step daughter, Lucy, 15F. Also I have a son from a previous

[01:45:08] relationship, Toby, 10M. In these 7 years Lucy never recognized us as family and when she introduces us we are dad's wife and dad's wife's son. Birthdays are very important to me. Ever since Toby was born I've thrown giant birthday parties for him. That didn't change after I

[01:45:28] married. My husband and I thought about doing it for Lucy as well but she refused. She refuses every year and everything related to her birthday is banned from the house. She is turning 15 this

[01:45:40] year. I decided to throw her a surprise party. We organized it with Toby, invitations to her classmates, family and close friends, games, karaoke, catering and decorations. Not even my husband knew. I took the day off from work and Toby skipped school to fix everything. At night

[01:45:59] my husband and Lucy arrived. They had dinner alone for her birthday and we yelled surprise! They didn't look happy but I assumed it was because of the surprise. My husband didn't say anything to me and Lucy disappeared almost immediately. I assumed to go talk to her friends.

[01:46:17] The party was amazing, everyone had fun, the games were a hit and overall I had a great time. When bringing the cake to sing happy birthday I called for Lucy but she wasn't in the party.

[01:46:29] We looked for her around the house but she wasn't there and neither was my husband. After half an hour of trying to call them both on their cell phones the mood got ruined and everyone left. The two returned after midnight and didn't feel guilty about leaving.

[01:46:43] I immediately asked them why they left. Lucy didn't say anything and went to her bedroom and my husband told me to calm down. He explained that Lucy wasn't feeling well so they went to the

[01:46:54] beach. I scolded him for not telling me but he just shrugged and said you were too busy enjoying the party to notice and went to sleep. I don't understand why they both disrespected me like

[01:47:05] that. I invested a lot of time and money in the party and they haven't even apologized for leaving. It's been three days and the two act as if nothing happened. When I try to talk about it

[01:47:17] Lucy looks at me like I'm crazy and my husband doesn't call her out on it. I'm tired of her indifference. I threatened my husband to take Toby and leave if they didn't open about it

[01:47:27] but he, surprise, shrugged and told me to calm down. I love them both but this party disaster has made me believe it's not reciprocated and I'm seriously considering getting a divorce.

[01:47:47] I suck at golf says you are totally in the wrong here. You knew she only wanted to celebrate with her dad. You may want to see her as family but she doesn't see you as family and you can't

[01:48:05] force that on someone. You should really apologize to her and also you did this for you not for her. Toby responds saying I really thought a big gesture would make her get closer to us and

[01:48:16] want to celebrate as a family from now on. Lucy has said she wants to go to college in another state and I'm afraid she'll never come back. Girl in red costume says in quotes I scolded him for

[01:48:28] not telling me but he just shrugged and said you were too busy enjoying the party to notice and went to sleep. He goes on to say well he nailed it. It was never about their enjoyment since you

[01:48:39] want a party. It was about yours since you like throwing parties so much. I bet you knew your husband wouldn't be okay with it that's why you didn't share your plans with him. You're a grown

[01:48:48] woman do better. Aggravating patient says OP you threw the party for yourself not your stepdaughter. She's not obliged to enjoy the party just because you went to all the effort of arranging it.

[01:49:00] Apologize genuinely and admit you made a massive mistake by not telling your husband of your plans. He would have told you it wouldn't be appreciated. Heck I could see from your first paragraph.

[01:49:12] You had a great time and so did the guests. Lucy also had a good time at the beach with her dad. You were so wrapped up in your own pleasure you didn't even notice she was there.

[01:49:21] Now start to pay attention to where else you stomp over Lucy's boundaries and your relationship may start to recover. Or maybe it's the last straw for your husband too. OP responded saying I thought she had that attitude towards birthday parties because

[01:49:35] she never had a special one. And since my husband would never do something like that I decided to do it myself. In my culture turning 15 is very important. There were almost 100 people

[01:49:45] at the party and I figured Lucy wouldn't want her stepmom stuck to her all night so I let her be. Stepmom and dad says I don't understand why they both disrespected me like that.

[01:49:56] He goes on to say they didn't disrespect you. You knew your stepdaughter didn't like birthday parties and you made her one knowing that. Not only that but I believe you did it for yourself

[01:50:05] because if you had done it for her you'd have noticed she wasn't around during the party. Say you were sorry that you love her and you will respect her boundaries and keep the door open if

[01:50:15] she wants a relationship with you. OP responds saying I've been trying to follow this advice for years but Lucy has never opened the door and a part of me dies every time she ignores me or

[01:50:25] rejects my advances. She pushes me away when I hug her. To clarify I don't mean disrespect for leaving but for not wanting to explain why and I admit that I got carried away at the party.

[01:50:36] I'm a party person and I really enjoy them. And one more comment from Aerie Puzzleheaded who says you thought you and Toby were making a nice gesture celebrating a special birthday. Accept that they don't appreciate the thought and that is fine. Don't continue to chase after them not

[01:50:53] participating. I'd be more concerned that your husband has no interest in communicating with you. As a parent and a spouse he should at least have some communication other than shutting you down.

[01:51:03] This would be the time as an adult for him to say I she daughter am is upset surprised etc. In response to the party. He's checked out of this marriage with you. Acknowledge take your son and

[01:51:15] leave. It will be healthier for all. So then Opie comes in to update the post around a week or so later which says it's been a very difficult week and I thought I'd update you on it. I appreciate

[01:51:28] all the comments and they were helpful to me in realizing several things. The first is that the party was never really for Lucy. You see this year I asked my husband to throw me a birthday party.

[01:51:39] I had high expectations and it turned out to be a small gathering with less than 10 people. No decorations and a supermarket cake since my husband started planning 3 days before. This party was a redemption for me and I admit it. The second thing is how intrusive I've been with

[01:51:55] Lucy. But I've been in that girls life for 7 years. I watched her grow up and I love her so it's not easy for me to see how she ignores me. How she rejects my son and the lack of love

[01:52:05] that she has for us. I apologized to her and she didn't say anything. 2 days after my first post a woman called saying that Lucy didn't attend her therapy session that week. I asked my husband about it and he admitted that she has social anxiety which

[01:52:20] made her uncomfortable being at a crowded party so they left. That broke my heart. I asked my husband why he didn't tell me and he said she didn't want me to tell you so I didn't. I couldn't

[01:52:32] believe it. Last Friday I got the bill for the party. It was more expensive than I thought, around 5 figures and I discussed it with my husband. He couldn't believe that I spent so

[01:52:43] much and he immediately stipulated that he won't give me a penny since it was my idea and I did it without anyone's permission. We fought about it since I don't have that much

[01:52:51] and he was adamant. He told me that with that money we could have renovated the house or have a family trip and it's my problem. Upon insisting he said something along the lines of, we weren't

[01:53:01] even at your stupid party so stop bothering me. We fought about it, I yelled at him that Lucy will never see us as family or see me as a parent if he acts like that. He said that he didn't marry

[01:53:12] me looking for a new mum for Lucy and that if I keep trying to meddle in her business and doing stupid things, quoting the party, then we are done because he's sick of my stupidity and that I

[01:53:23] embarrass them. That it was for me so I took my son and we left. I haven't received a single call from him. I saw on social media that they went out to dinner. Lucy quoted a good family time and

[01:53:35] they both looked happy. It's clear that they don't care about us. Toby is inconsolable over all of this and so am I. My mum insists that I find a divorce lawyer but I think I'm pregnant, not

[01:53:48] confirmed yet, and I don't want to raise another child with an absent father. Holy moly when Opie said 5 figures on the birthday party. I know it's not the be all and end all of this story but I was

[01:54:00] like what? Over 10k on a birthday party? I think there's going to be future updates on this one, you know Opie said that they think they're pregnant at the end and her mum is insisting

[01:54:11] that they find a divorce lawyer but what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. I fancy something a bit

[01:54:24] different with the second story today. I was looking at the malicious compliance subreddit and egrant03 says can't remove the charge, well I'll just use it then. In the early 2000s when I first

[01:54:37] moved out on my own, I rented from a complex that charged you for assigned parking. It was an up charge of $25 a month. If you didn't get assigned parking you'd have to fight for a space on the

[01:54:48] street. My apartment was in the back of the complex and I was getting over a recent knee and ankle injury so I opted for the paid parking that was relatively close to my front door. My car was a

[01:54:59] junker, 3 years older than I am but it ran semi okay and the heater worked. As a newly minted adult I was happy to have it. About 3 months into my lease my car went to the great scrap heap in

[01:55:11] the sky. I'd gotten used to the local transit system and discovered a nearby store would drop off groceries for me. This was long before Walmart and other stores started doing it so it was cheaper

[01:55:22] than figuring a month's supply on the bus. So I opted not to replace the car and utilize the bus pass my work reimbursed me for. I went to my leasing office and told them I no longer needed

[01:55:34] the space and would you please remove the extra charge from my bill. The manager at the desk was new and had never been asked that before. She promised to look into it and let me know. I was

[01:55:44] naive and figured it would be gone come next month. Nope, it was still there. I paid all but the parking space and called up the complex, same girl. She said she was awaiting word from the

[01:55:56] higher ups and offered me a credit for the charge as a one time courtesy. I reminded her that I no longer owned a car. I hadn't just changed my mind. I told her that the space had been empty for close

[01:56:07] to a month now and that I won't be utilizing it. She said she understood loud and clear and would get it sorted by next month. 3 days before rent was due she finally got back to me. Apparently

[01:56:20] it was in my lease and couldn't be removed without breaking the lease and signing a new one, even if I didn't move out. The lease breaking and initiation fees would be charged to me

[01:56:30] and my rent would go up to the new current market value. This would be over $1000 so not an option for someone freshly on their own. I kept the parking space on the lease. 3 weeks later I was

[01:56:42] reviewing my lease to get the phone number for maintenance and noticed the clause for the parking space. Essentially I could park a motorcycle, scooter such as a Vespa, car, truck, SUV or trailer in the space. Gears were turning. For me to be in compliance I had to have

[01:57:00] wheels on anything parked in my space. So I went to my local version of Craigslist and found a wheel container similar to a shipping container. It wasn't cheap but it was worth every cent.

[01:57:11] The complex offered storage sheds as an upcharge too. Being fresh out of high school I didn't have much to store. My neighbor though did. I threw a lock on the unit and offered it to my neighbor

[01:57:22] for half the cost of a shed, $35 a month. He was able to move his stuff out of his storage unit where he was paying over $100 a month and the container was available 24x7, 365 days a year. He was happy for the arrangement and paid several months in advance.

[01:57:40] The complex put several tow stickers for out of compliance on the trailer. But I called the tow company and faxed them a copy of the lease where it says trailers are allowed. The container was registered with the county as a utility trailer so there's nothing they could do.

[01:57:55] They tried to fine me for improper parking but again I had proof I was within my rights. They even offered to remove the charge for parking on my lease if I would relocate the

[01:58:05] container. With what my neighbor was paying I could cover my water bill every month so I declined. I stayed 18 months and sold the trailer to my neighbor when I moved out. He had to rent a car

[01:58:16] to relocate it to his assigned space but he said it was worth the couple of hundred he paid. He ended up saving over $1000 a year renting from me. Other neighbors even started bringing their

[01:58:28] containers too, even if it meant getting a second space. Sheds were being vacated at a large volume. The complex tried to give them away as 6 months free. Few took them up on it. The complex amended the new leases to exclude trailers but could do nothing about those that

[01:58:45] already had them in the spot. Instead of moving out and giving notice, renters would reassign their lease to new people so they could be grandfathered into the trailer class. I drove by the facility 2 years or so after I moved out, going to a friend's for Thanksgiving.

[01:59:00] The complex had been sold to a new owner and changed their name. But wouldn't you know, there were still about a dozen wheeled shipping containers parked in the lot. EDIT, there's some confusion and people are fighting.

[01:59:12] The trailer was small, think of 4 dog kennels in a 2x2 configuration. You could fit a table and chairs in there but you'd still scrape the ceiling. It was in rough shape. This was back when

[01:59:23] the dollar store, not Dollar Tree, sold spray paint and I took care of repainting it myself. I negotiated drop off to the complex from the seller and with the spray paint and delivery

[01:59:32] I think I was out like $700. Keep in mind, this is not the massive 40ft trailer picture I posted a few times as a reference. It's that style of trailer. Registering the trailer was super duper

[01:59:45] cheap, like around $30 and possibly even less. When I sold it to my neighbor I got $300 or so for it. I took a loss but without a car, I didn't want it and he approached me first when he found

[01:59:57] out I was moving. There were a number of colleges and universities near where I rented. Most leases banned subleasing but lease change overs were commonplace. You go to the complex and tell

[02:00:08] management I'm done renting here but instead of breaking the lease my friend is going to do the rest of my term. You usually didn't get the deposit back as it stayed with a new renter but you didn't

[02:00:18] get an exorbitant pay a lease break fine. It also kept the apartment seamlessly occupied without tenant gaps which most places needed. If they sold the trailer to the next guy or their neighbor,

[02:00:30] I am uncertain. I wasn't privy to those decisions. All I know is 2 years later they were no longer XYZ complex but under a different name and a dozen or so trailers still remained.

[02:00:41] As for the 18 months I stayed, 1 year in a lease, 6 months at month to month. In my state, ad amendments to leases require you to enter into a new leasing term and that was not going to

[02:00:52] happen. I don't remember if they charged a month to month fee if I didn't renew my lease as it was close to 20 years ago. I've been month to month for 3 years at the place I've been living for 4.

[02:01:03] Some places charge 1, some don't. Rent can still go up but changes to the lease that are substantial cannot take place until I sign a new lease agreement. I've had to look up laws and

[02:01:13] advocate for myself a lot because of BS like this. The tow company was mom and pop, they were not predatory and I knew that multiple illegal tows could get their license pulled. The minute that first tow sign went up I was practically shoving my paperwork down their face.

[02:01:28] No way could they play the ignorance card after that. They still exist to this day and now have multiple locations. In fact, they are a signed tower for my current complex too, ironically. Finally, storage sheds or units are required by my state to be month to month.

[02:01:43] It's a state law that goes back to at least the 1980s and I have to memorize a lot of laws regarding storage for my job. So the apartment couldn't force anyone to keep their sheds,

[02:01:53] so my neighbor cancelled at the end of this month. Great guy, lived in a 3 bed with a set of twins, one boy one girl. I don't get what they were expecting that they're going to charge you for

[02:02:05] needing something. They're going to continue to charge you for it and then they're surprised when you find a use for it and actually making some money on the side at the same time.

[02:02:18] Now they've ended up losing all this money every month because they were too stubborn to just remove it the first time around. Wowzers. There was a lot of comments below that one saying,

[02:02:27] oh this gives me an idea, what has OP started? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments and let's have another little cheeky story before we finish up.

[02:03:33] I repositioned some cameras yesterday and he said I fucked everything up. And then yesterday, I told the actor that maybe if they slowed down a bit it would have more impact. The director said

[02:03:45] either I stop meddling and apologize or don't come back tomorrow. Today. I said he needed to apologize for swearing at me and making me feel unsafe. He told me to get off his set and don't

[02:03:56] come back. This is when I went and told my mom and she said I was way overstepping and I needed to apologize. And if I want to stay working in entertainment, I need to realize I'm not an expert

[02:04:07] yet. I was trying to do my job. So I'm having a hard time understanding what I did wrong. Am I the asshole? As some of you may or may not know my previous job before I was doing this

[02:04:20] whole YouTube thing was content creation as well. Not quite to the high level of directors or anything like that. But I was left to my own devices to work with photographers and videographers

[02:04:32] to make various videos for a company. And this just feels so disrespectful to me. I can't believe you touched the cameras. I was like what the hell? And the only thing I can really compare it to

[02:04:43] myself is I remember one particular video I was working on and I spent ages coming up with this vision for this one particular promotional video. Like the shots that I wanted. I had this idea

[02:04:53] of shooting this machine like as one hole then taking the side off it but leaving the cameras in the same position. So you know you can fade out and you can mask in certain bits like while the

[02:05:02] machine's working. You could like have a hole in the side of it and see the machine working on the inside. And because the camera is in the same position, you can remove bits of the machine as

[02:05:11] the video is playing kind of thing if that makes sense. I spent ages coming up with like um a story board for this particular video. And the videographer that I was working with that day was a different

[02:05:21] one from my usual one. And basically he kept trying to overrule anything that I was saying. And he was saying you know I'm the videographer I sort of know what's best so maybe you should do

[02:05:30] it like this. And whilst you know as I said I'm not I wasn't a director, I'm not high level position or anything like that and I do appreciate advice sometimes. But the way this guy was coming

[02:05:39] across was trying to totally overrule everything and totally throwing out everything that I had written on this storyboard. And whilst I do appreciate someone with experience in videography and obviously they've shot a lot of stuff it wasn't what I needed at that particular time.

[02:05:53] And in the end I said can you just stop please I need to get this done because it's wasting so much time as well. I later found out that my boss has had several issues with that particular person

[02:06:01] anyway. But anyway yeah I'd find that incredibly frustrating what he was doing in this and disrespectful as well. But Dwayne says yeah you're the arsehole if you're a PA your job is answering emails and organizing his calendar. Not weighing in on his creative decisions, moving equipment from

[02:06:17] where he wants it or telling the actors how to perform. Goth Penguin says you're the arsehole. PA doesn't mean tell the director or the actor what they need to do differently. It doesn't mean

[02:06:26] repositioning cameras or acting like you know more than the people around you. If you want to keep your job learn your place. Brad replies that saying gotta love the repositioning cameras bit. I'm not in the business but my understanding is that absolutely nobody should do that on their

[02:06:41] own initiative except the director. Not a grip, not a cinematographer, nobody. Grip maybe if there was a safety issue I guess. The director's PA? Inconceivable. The director I believe would have been the cinematographer and a grip do the actual positioning and related adjustments. Sorry but I

[02:06:59] can't see any role for a PA in this process. By the way my coffee is cold go get me a fresh hot cup right? And one more comment from Fizzbang Whiz who says you're the arsehole. Your job is to assist

[02:07:10] the director to execute his vision. Your job is not to make your own creative decisions or to give him advice. Your job is certainly not to give the actor's direction. You are literally the least

[02:07:20] important person on the set and your opinion carries no weight. That's what a PA job is. You acted like an arse in delayed production so a natural consequence of that is the director

[02:07:30] yelling at you. You're the one who owes him an apology, not the other way around. He's already being kinder than he needs to be by giving you the opportunity to apologize and come back to work.

[02:07:41] A lot of people wouldn't bother. If you think you can keep your ego in check and do as you're told you need to go back and apologize. And now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. Are you guys

[02:07:52] in this industry at all? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And our next story comes from a throwaway account and asks am I the arsehole for refusing to split my inheritance with my siblings? I'll try to summarize as much as possible. I, female 19,

[02:08:08] have an estranged grandpa more or less. He's my dad's father but my dad hardly had a relationship with him. I have two other siblings, one younger 13 and one older 26. My grandma divorced my

[02:08:22] grandpa when my dad was only 10 so he lived with my grandma his whole life in a different state and didn't see him. When he got older he saw him a little more and my grandpa started coming around

[02:08:34] a little bit more as well. He'd stay for a week at a time and then go home. He was an old bitter man to be honest. He never got remarried and lived his whole life in his coastal town with the same

[02:08:46] friends he'd had his whole life. He wasn't pleasant to be around and could hold grudges longer than anyone I've ever met. But regardless of this, he was filthy rich. He owned a successful business

[02:08:59] that he sold for $1 million. He retired after selling but his house sits on an island as well as the biggest piece of land on the island so it sold for well over $3 million. I was never close

[02:09:11] with my grandpa but I took after his sister who is a registered nurse and he adores her. He always told me that he was proud to see me following in her footsteps. He died a few months ago. Since then

[02:09:23] my family has been torn apart. He left everything to me. He essentially liquidated all of his assets and it ended up being close to $8 million. I was shocked. I didn't and still didn't know what to do

[02:09:36] with the money but I'm going to save it. My dad and stepmom as well as my siblings are hounding me to split the money with them. I just can't do it. My dad is an alcoholic who never said anything

[02:09:48] nice about his dad. Despite him being bitter my grandpa actually bought my dad a $300,000 house. My dad would 100% drink away any money given to him. As far as my siblings, my brother has full

[02:10:02] financial support from my grandma as he is the favorite and he's very wasteful and ungrateful. He never talks to me and always is very mean to me when he does. My little sister is the only

[02:10:13] person I've actually considered. She's very young and that's really the only thing stopping me. Her mom is money orientated and would take the money from her so I'm waiting until she turns

[02:10:25] 18 and I offer to pay for her college. But now my family is telling me I'm unfair and the money doesn't belong to me and I'm not deserving of it. And I'm too young and I'll waste it on cars and

[02:10:36] clothes. I don't agree and now they're all threatening to cut me off and never speak to me or even sue me if I don't give them all a chunk of the money. I don't know what to do and I'm

[02:10:47] buckling under pressure here. I've already had two police officers out to my house because my dad is claiming I stole the money from him. Everything was through an attorney. I know I did nothing

[02:10:58] wrong legally but morally I don't know. So am I the asshole? And we're gonna start straight away with some comments from GreenApple who says not the asshole. My god these entitled people.

[02:11:09] If they want to cut you off for money that your grandpa willed to you, show them the door. Buy yourself a lovely home and move away from them. Pay for your sister's college and save the rest.

[02:11:19] ArtsyFartsyFox says not the asshole. Your reasoning sounds very sound and honestly people will turn on each other when money is involved. I highly suggest 1. Getting a good lawyer. 2. Getting an accredited financial advisor so you can plan slash save. 3. If you want to give your

[02:11:36] sister money you can set up a trust for her. That way she can't touch the money until she is 18. Again an advisor will help with this. 4. Tell people what you have on a very

[02:11:47] need to know basis. Friends and family can and will turn on you. I know this sounds scary but I'd advise you to look up the history of lottery winners. In the meantime take care of yourself, be smart and do not overspend.

[02:12:28] Anne Jones says not the asshole. You do not owe them any money. Just because they are blood doesn't mean they are family. If you want to help your little sibling, put in a trust that only she

[02:12:55] can touch at a certain age. And pay for her schooling directly just in case her greedy mom or dad try to touch it or talk her into giving it to them. Invest wisely and be happy. Your

[02:13:05] grandpa might be an old grumpy man but he saw something in you. Liquid Dreamtime says you're the asshole. Again while I'm not surprised, I'm saddened by the outrageously selfish and entitled responses of this sub. Your grandfather was by all accounts a complete asshole. So now you're

[02:13:23] claiming you're not the asshole because you're doing as he wishes. Split it with your siblings and other grandchildren. Let his selfish favoritism die with him. Don't extend that legacy. If you're absolutely convinced your family is worthless and will squander everything,

[02:13:38] put a large sum into a trust that pays out $1,250 a month to each of your siblings and parents. This is the federal tax-free gift maximum and will set them up to never be unable to afford food and rent so long as they do the bare minimum of work.

[02:13:54] Edit, this could be set up in a way that they receive $15k a year for life. They won't be rich but they'll never be homeless or hungry. You've been granted a gift that could

[02:14:04] allow you to take care of the people who matter the most to you and you're being very selfish about it. Chicken shit loser replies that sentence seriously. She's maybe considering paying for her 13-year-old sister's tuition out of $8 million. Are you fucking kidding me? How can

[02:14:21] anyone read this and not think OP is at least a bit slightly an asshole? I know this sub is ridiculous but the amount of agreement on not the asshole is astounding. Grandma says fuck it and

[02:14:31] gives it all to her and her instinct is to say fuck you to the rest of her family and accept maybe her 13-year-old sister. She doesn't have to split the money evenly but surely there is some

[02:14:42] form of reasonable compromise that doesn't involve her keeping 99-100% of the money. She got this money from family, she can give some back to her family, she's an entitled asshole and the kids here have the audacity to tell her you go girl. Fuck off Reddit.

[02:14:58] Llamas in the wild says everyone sucks here. I think keeping all of the inheritance would be selfish. Your grandfather sounds very spiteful and manipulative and he has fully consigned you to a similar lonely life as him. Your family are also being turds but looks like they didn't have

[02:15:14] the privilege of being his favourite so they got treated like shit. You can keep all the money for sure but I would think about ways to help use that to heal the family rift. Like your dad is

[02:15:25] a wasteful alcoholic, set up a trust with rehab as a condition of monthly income. Your sister, cover her educational expenses but you don't owe your stepmother anything. Otherwise you're just going to be rich and lonely like the guy you inherited your money from. I'm not saying split

[02:15:41] it equally but 8 million is more than enough money for a lifetime. You can definitely give something for your family members. So then of course OP did update their post which says. First off thank you to everyone for the advice, links etc. It was greatly appreciated.

[02:15:57] It's been almost a month since my post so I figured I'd try to update and clarify a few things. 1. My family and I have tried reaching out to my father to get him help, he's declined. Giving him

[02:16:09] money or even bribing him with money to get help wouldn't work like some of you suggested. It's already been tested literally not even 3 months ago. 2. My brother is fully supported by my grandparents despite being almost 30 and they have never done anything close to that for me.

[02:16:25] Therefore I didn't feel it was necessary to give my brother anything as he had a very bad relationship with my grandpa and only came around when he died. 3. My mother wasn't included in the

[02:16:36] story because I didn't think it was necessary. She has worked 3 jobs her whole life to support my brother and I because my dad was negligent and threatened her so she never got child support.

[02:16:47] She's always supported us and provided for us even though my dad has always made double the amount she has. 4. I didn't ask for his money, I didn't have any previous knowledge, I was even in the will. I was upset when he passed because

[02:17:00] we had always been a bit closer than him and the rest of my siblings family. 5. My grandfather bought my dad a very nice house, he didn't have to but he did. My dad never said thank you,

[02:17:12] he doesn't keep it clean and doesn't take care of it. Simply he doesn't deserve the money after everything that he's given or done for him. With all of that being said, here's what I've chosen

[02:17:22] to do. I set up an account for my little sister with enough money for a 4-6 year degree, a car and a down payment on a house. I donated a sum of it to the charities, bought myself a new car and

[02:17:34] put the rest away into CDs that I can't touch for another 4 years until I pay fees to withdraw the money. I plan to renew these accounts every few years or until I absolutely need it.

[02:17:46] Again thank you to everyone, I was scared, lost and overwhelmed. I couldn't have done this without all the support and advice I was given. And now I'm going to turn this one to you guys,

[02:17:57] what do you guys make of this situation? Do you think OP made the right choice in the end? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

[02:18:08] And our next story comes from a throwaway account who says I'm the asshole for accidentally calling out a new colleague on lying about her language skills. Last week a new colleague, Kathy, 33F, started at my 25F workplace. She instantly stood out in

[02:18:24] the team because she seems like someone who is very loud and assertive. Two of my colleagues, me and Kathy were having coffee in the break room. We were the only ones in there and we

[02:18:34] were sitting far apart when the subject of travel was brought up. My colleague said she wasn't booking trips anymore because it'd probably get cancelled because of COVID anyway. Kathy immediately cut in about how sad she is because she travels so often and goes on these far exotic

[02:18:52] trips to Europe as a hobby. When I think exotic I think the Bahamas or something instead of Europe, but cool. Kathy then jokes about how all this no travel business is making her fear that she'll

[02:19:03] lose some of her foreign language skills. I asked what languages she spoke, she claimed to be fluent in three European languages, among which were French and Dutch. Kathy said she was at a native

[02:19:15] speaker level and went on about how people in Europe were always surprised when they found out she wasn't from there. I was excited because I never get to speak Dutch over here. I was raised

[02:19:26] in Belgium which has three national languages, French and Dutch, which are my mother tongues and the most commonly spoken there, and German. It's quite common to be pretty fluent in at least two out of the three languages in Belgium because you're required to learn them at school,

[02:19:42] along with English, from a young age. I told Kathy, in Dutch, oh fun, we have something in common then, and she immediately pulled this sour face and asked me if that was supposed to be Dutch.

[02:19:54] I said yes. She laughed awkwardly and said she couldn't understand because I have a terrible accent and must not be that good at speaking it. Now see, I don't have an accent. I speak Dutch

[02:20:05] more fluently than I speak English. I told Kathy that I grew up speaking Dutch and speak it to my family all the time. She got miffed and asked what languages I speak and where I'm from.

[02:20:16] I told her I'm from Belgium, so I also speak French and I added, wait you just said you speak as well? Cool, we can speak French instead. I acknowledged that

[02:20:25] I was a bit of a dick here because by that point I knew she probably lied about speaking French as well. She then shoved her chair back and angrily got up, said whatever and stomped off. It was

[02:20:36] awkward. My other colleagues just kinda shrugged and said she shouldn't have lied. However, she later approached me and told me I embarrassed her by acting superior about my European heritage. I told her there was no way for me to know that she had lied about speaking those languages.

[02:20:51] She rolled her eyes and told me that I was immature. A colleague told me that Kathy had called me a little b-word who enjoys bullying new colleagues behind my back. I don't think

[02:21:01] I was a bully at all, but I don't want this to turn into a huge thing. Do I just apologize to keep the peace? Am I the asshole? Now absolutely not the asshole in any way shape or form to me.

[02:21:14] You didn't know she was lying about that situation and it's on her because she's the one lying. We've seen this a couple of times within these stories about people lying about speaking second languages like this. I never understand what your end game is because eventually someone

[02:21:31] calls you out on it and you're going to look like an absolute fool. However, I think I would feel a little concerned about her language towards the end there where she's telling other colleagues that

[02:21:40] you're a little b-word who enjoys bullying new colleagues. If that information gets around and it gets to HR or whoever you could potentially end up in trouble for something you haven't done.

[02:21:51] So I sort of wonder if it would be a good idea to get to HR first and say this situation came up, I just wanted to raise it, but obviously I wouldn't like it to go any further.

[02:22:00] But quirky anxiety says not the asshole. This is exactly why people shouldn't claim to speak languages they don't know. Eventually you will find someone who actually speaks their languages. It's not bullying to get excited about being able to speak your native language with someone else.

[02:22:15] Rock Cleaver says not the asshole. She deserved that to happen to her. Don't brag about skills you don't actually have. Never to say that you had a terrible accent is beyond the pale.

[02:22:25] She owes you an apology, not the other way around. And several at that. She's the one who is acting like a bully. A well-meaning person would have said after your correction that

[02:22:34] you were born in Belgium. Well I guess I have to work on it then. Still a bit rusty. Can you slow it down for me? TomTomClubThumb says not the asshole. You didn't call her out. She said

[02:22:45] she spoke a language and when you spoke to her in that language she insulted your skills. So she created a situation where you pointed out that you are a native speaker.

[02:22:55] In your position I would have spoken to her in French to push the point. But I am petty like that. You should not apologize. She tried to be snobby. You accidentally pointed out a lie

[02:23:05] and then she decided to double down. Messed that up and then trash talked you behind your back. I would totally speak to her in French and Dutch every time I saw her.

[02:23:13] A reluctant otter says sing it with me one more time. Not the asshole. Of all the European languages to claim to be fluent in, Dutch would be one of the last ones. Years ago I had Dutch

[02:23:26] co-workers who were trying to learn a tiny bit. Dutch is one of the hardest languages to pronounce. I swear my mouth has never moved in such complicated ways. For three months the quickest

[02:23:36] way to reduce them to tears of laughter would be to try and say... hell people still argue over how to pronounce Van Gogh. I hope I pronounced that right. OP you are a wonderful person and have

[02:23:49] absolutely nothing to apologize for. So not the asshole. Van Gogh. Van Gogh. I'm gonna get in trouble for that when I know it. So then first OP edits their post which says edit 1. I'm not sure

[02:24:03] about escalating this to HR, which a lot of people have told me I have to do. I feel like this might make me look immature to the rest of my colleagues of which I am the youngest and it might not need

[02:24:13] to go that far. It depends on if Cathy is willing to put this behind her and be professional. If all else fails I do have witnesses who would be honest about what happened. So I think I might be in the

[02:24:23] clear if she tries to twist the story. Edit 2. Some people have taken offense to me giving the Bahamas as an example of an exotic place and are trying to make this into a race issue. I didn't

[02:24:35] know exotic was an offensive term in the US. Do I think of the Netherlands, Belgium, England, Norway which were countries she was describing as being far away exotic destinations as my idea of an

[02:24:46] exotic trip? No. Not because there's a lot of white people there but because when I think of exotic I think of a place with nice sunny weather, white sandy beaches and a blue ocean. Maybe it's

[02:24:56] because I'm from Belgium but I don't really feel like being in my home country where it's dark and rainy all the time is quite that experience. Edit 3. Some people think she might not have

[02:25:07] understood me because she is fluent in Dutch but learned it in the Netherlands which has different accents. While it is true the Netherlands and Flanders have different accents I didn't speak a very specific dialect like West Flemish or something. I spoke the general Dutch you see

[02:25:22] in the news in Flanders. I didn't speak quickly to try and make it incomprehensible to set her up. I genuinely believed she spoke Dutch because that's what she was saying so I talked to her

[02:25:33] in normal conversational Dutch. The same kind of Dutch I'd use in a work environment back in my home country. The same kind of Dutch I use with friends from the Netherlands but with a soft G lol.

[02:25:45] So then OP comes in to update their post which says so a couple of months ago things went down with a new colleague who was lying about her language skills. Many people gave the advice to go

[02:25:55] to HR, others said not to go to HR because that would be escalating the situation. I decided not to go to HR right then but I did take the advice to write down what happened. With the time and

[02:26:06] names of the other colleagues present just in case. I thought the situation might blow over because Cathy was probably just embarrassed. Well I was wrong. Cathy kept being cold to me, rolling her eyes at me in meetings and talking behind my back. Another colleague came to confront

[02:26:22] me at one point to ask why I'd been so mean. Apparently Cathy was telling a different version of what happened. Cathy said that I'd said mean things to her in Dutch and was making fun of her

[02:26:32] in Dutch so no one else but her could understand. She was smart enough to only tell these stories to colleagues who weren't actually there for it. Word got around and it turned into a bigger issue

[02:26:43] with a couple of people actually questioning my character, mostly just colleagues that don't work very close to me. HR got wind of it after a while and I got called in close to a month after the

[02:26:54] incident. I'd already met with Cathy and she told them she cursed me out in Dutch and was very mean to me story. I told them the full story and everything that happened after. They asked me

[02:27:05] if there was anyone else present who could confirm this. So those colleagues came and told them that Cathy had lied about speaking a language, stormed out and then started calling me a b-word etc.

[02:27:14] to others. They thanked me for my time and I got on with my work. Nothing happened until a week later when I was informed that Cathy was asked to leave. Apparently Cathy had doubled down on

[02:27:25] the lies and told everyone I was the one lying and she did speak those languages. So my boss told her in that case she'd have no problem talking to one of our Canadian colleagues, who wasn't involved

[02:27:35] in the situation, in French in front of him just to confirm. At this point Cathy admitted she had been lying. It turned out she didn't speak a word of French either or Norwegian, which was the third

[02:27:47] language she was lying about. This was enough for them to let her go because part of the reason they hired her was they were so impressed by her speaking multiple languages and work experience

[02:27:57] she had abroad. Her work experience was made up as well. I'm just happy it's over. I'm confident it wasn't really my fault it blew up now. If it wasn't me who caught her in a lie, someone else

[02:28:08] probably would have downed the line. A few people who kinda believed her ended up coming to me and apologizing for questioning me about what happened. So that's all sorted. Edit. Some people are asking why they didn't test their language skills in the hiring process.

[02:28:22] Our jobs don't actually require us to speak Dutch, French or Norwegian. I think they probably just saw it as a plus or something that made us stand out from other candidates. What a bizarre thing for Cathy to carry on right to the very end.

[02:28:36] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Our next story comes from Bridesmaid Dress Throwaway

[02:28:46] who says am I the asshole for kicking a girl out of my bridal party because of how sensitive she was being towards my ideas for dresses? I feel like I'm going to get a lot of hate for this but I had

[02:28:58] to post it anyways. By the way, on a throwaway. So I'm getting married soon, 28 female, and one of the most exciting parts of the wedding for me are the bridesmaids and the dresses. I don't

[02:29:10] consider myself to be a bridezilla but on my special day I want everything to be as perfect and coordinated as it could possibly be. So about a week ago I decided to invite my

[02:29:20] bridesmaids over so we could discuss dresses and stuff. Let's call the bridesmaid I had the issue with Joy. Before they came over I already had a nice dress in mind. The dress was burgundy,

[02:29:32] form fitting, cut a little above the knees and had one shoulder strap. I thought it was gorgeous and very feminine for women our age. But Joy and a couple of the other girls weren't exactly

[02:29:42] comfortable. Mostly because it was form fitting so I let it slide. I really wanted a dress that all of the bridesmaids would love and feel comfortable in but they had to be the same.

[02:29:54] So the next dress was still burgundy but it touched the floor, no slit and had spaghetti straps. Everybody loved the dress except for Joy who claimed that she didn't want to wear the dress

[02:30:05] because she's insecure about her shoulders. Fair enough. At this point I knew Joy was going to be difficult to work with but I kept going because again I wanted to be accommodating. I think we went through 5 or 6 more dresses before the last one.

[02:30:20] The dresses that I showed the bridesmaid were modest in my opinion and little things were what made Joy not want to wear them. The complaints she had were always something like

[02:30:30] I don't like how the dress shows the shoes, my toes would be out or my hair isn't long enough to compliment those sleeves. Yes I'm 100% serious. So the last dress I showed them was a floor length

[02:30:43] burgundy dress, loose, had beautiful long sleeves and the only thing that was keeping it from not being a burgundy maxi dress with long sleeves was the fact that there was a slit that came up to

[02:30:53] below the knee. It honestly was one of my least favorite dresses out of the ones I chose but I wanted to try to be accommodating. Again everyone seemed to agree with the dress except for Joy

[02:31:04] who claimed that the slit was a little too provocative for her taste. After this I was a little frustrated so I just said we'd try looking at the dresses again another time.

[02:31:15] While the girls were leaving I pulled Joy aside and explained that I don't think she'd be a good fit for my bridal party because this aspect of the wedding meant a lot to me and her demands were too

[02:31:24] nitpicky to be a part of the group. But I still wanted her to be a part of the wedding. She got upset and said that I was excluding her because of her insecurities. I said that I already

[02:31:34] tried to accommodate her by showing many different style dresses but she didn't want to hear it and left so am I the asshole? Edit I am the one paying for the dresses.

[02:31:46] Edit 2 Wow this blew up more than I expected. I'm trying to read the new comments there's over 300 which is crazy and respond to the info comments but if I missed it I'm sorry but I just wanted

[02:31:58] to respond here to some frequently asked questions and to make some clarifications. I wanted matching dresses because I've seen pictures and videos of weddings where the bridesmaids wore matching dresses and I fell in love with the look. I wanted a unanimous vote instead of

[02:32:13] majority rules because this is how I looked at it. Say all of the bridesmaids loved this dress but two of them didn't and I picked the dress anyways. I would feel bad if two of my bridesmaids

[02:32:23] felt uncomfortable the whole night because they were overpowered by the others. Joy is one of my friends from college. Yes we are not the closest like best friends closest but I still appreciate

[02:32:34] which is why I asked her to be a part of the bridal party. Just to put this out there my bridesmaids aren't the same but there's no striking differences that would make me say

[02:32:43] wow these girls can't pull off the same dress. What I mean by that is that I don't have overly tall girls, overly skinny girls, girls with boobs that can't support a certain dress because

[02:32:53] they are too big. You get the rest. Also wanted to put this out there I didn't choose my bridesmaids because of their body type to match my same dress aesthetic. Just saying that because I feel like

[02:33:05] someone would accuse me of it. That's just how it was. Oh and edit 3, oh I forgot to add in something addressing the shawls. I did kind of bring this up while we're looking at dresses but there were two

[02:33:17] issues with Joy. The first one was that she would veto the dresses no matter what. The second one is that some of her issues didn't even have to deal with anything a shawl would fix. For example

[02:33:28] she had a problem with slits no matter how small as we saw the last dress. She would also not care about the shawl and veto the dress entirely. And we're going to move straight to the comments

[02:33:38] with Vendetta who says I was a bridesmaid and the dresses my cousin picked for us were strapless. I'm the same as Joy. I hate baring my shoulders because they're kind of wide and lots of acne

[02:33:48] scarring from puberty. And she wanted our hair up so no covering the shoulders with my hair. Also it was a January wedding and she wanted all the bridal picks outside. Know what I did? I wore the damn dress because the day wasn't about me and I really didn't

[02:34:04] need to look a certain way for anyone but the bride. I totally get feeling majorly insecure but I understood it was my job to be a bridesmaid for my cousin. It was one day and pictures can

[02:34:14] be edited. You gave her lots of choices, sacrificing your preferences to help everyone feel comfortable and she still made it about her. You even wanted her to still come to the wedding and she could

[02:34:26] wear whatever she wants then. If she has so many insecurities about her body she should have had the foresight to not agree to be a bridesmaid because ultimately it's up to you what you'd like them to wear. Not the arsehole. Cobbling Hamster says not the arsehole,

[02:34:41] you've tried to accommodate her, you aren't excluding her at the drop of a hat. You've tried about 8 dresses and she hasn't liked a single one. And she's the only one with a problem. Her complaints don't seem to be major issues. It's a bridesmaid's dress, it's not going to

[02:34:55] look absolutely amazing on her. Bridesmaids dresses are for the bride, most people wear them to support their friends and family. If she can't compromise she's not going to fit into your bridal party. Peril says possibly no one's an arsehole here, bear with me. You've tried to

[02:35:10] work with Joy but she won't work with you. Your feelings are understandable and the fact that some of Joy's complaints were over really tiny things suggests that this is a matter of vanity rather than insecurity. But it's possible that Joy has some serious problems with her appearance

[02:35:26] and that she genuinely would feel uncomfortable in all those dresses. Rather than kicking her out of her role completely, I wonder if it might help to have a conversation with her first about why she's so self-conscious. Maybe you could reassure her that you think she looks gorgeous

[02:35:39] in whatever she's wearing or ask her if there's something else going on in her life that's bothering her. You may be able to salvage this situation if both of you are willing to be open and frank

[02:35:48] with each other. I mean she might just be an arsehole, in which case you're better off without her in the wedding altogether. But you won't know unless you ask. Lozif says going against the grain

[02:36:00] but you're the arsehole. You asked for opinions, you got them. One of them didn't like any dresses and you went nuclear and booted her out of your wedding party. Why didn't you put on your adult

[02:36:10] pants and talk to her first? Explain that you're trying to get a dress that everyone's comfortable with but she keeps rejecting everyone. You need a dress for the bridesmaid so find the one that

[02:36:19] she's most comfortable with. Your wedding isn't going to be perfect and based on this reaction to someone giving an arsehole opinion you're on your way to being a bridezilla. KMS says you're the

[02:36:30] arsehole if you asked her to be in your bridal party, I'm assuming she's either family or close friend. You essentially just let a dress get in the middle of your relationship. You invited them

[02:36:39] over to discuss dresses, that would warrant a discussion on what they all want to wear. If you don't really care how they feel then just pick a dress and say this is the dress order it by XX date.

[02:36:50] You kick the friend out of your bridal party over her being honest about the style of dress she likes. Let that sink in, pick a color and give them some parameters and let them hunt for a

[02:37:00] dress they like with you to be able to veto dresses. Weddings with bridesmaids all wearing the same dress are overdone anyway and I say that as someone who had all her bridesmaids wear the same dress. Not every single style looks good on everybody. Ultimately weddings don't matter,

[02:37:16] my wedding didn't matter, marriage matters and my relationship with my friends and family matters. You possibly just ruined a friendship over a bridesmaid's dress. Good job, you're the arsehole. And one more comment from Honky Tonky Highway who says leaning towards an everyone sucks here.

[02:37:32] Haven't been on both sides of this, a bridesmaid wearing a dress I hated and a bride who wanted my girls to be comfortable and happy with what they were wearing. Notes on both occasions,

[02:37:41] dresses have been bought by the respective brides. I feel like Joy could have been more tactful but I would also say the same for you OP. Did you ever ask your bridesmaids what they had in mind or what they would have been uncomfortable in?

[02:37:54] Could you have come to a compromise and let the girls wear different dresses in the same colors? There's lots of different routes you could have taken to come to a compromise before kicking her

[02:38:02] out of your bridal party. So then OP did update the post which says so I had an overwhelming response on my post about asking if I was the arsehole for kicking a girl out of my bridal

[02:38:13] party for being sensitive about dresses and I got a lot of not the arsehole everyone sucks here and I could see both sides, understood that I could have handled it better and I was glad

[02:38:24] to see a lot of people also believe that Joy was being a lot to handle. Anyways I decided to take your advice and here's an update on the situation for anyone that's interested.

[02:38:35] So after reading a ton of your comments I decided to call Joy and invite her over to talk. Luckily she said yes, by the way before this she didn't say she didn't want to be at my wedding

[02:38:45] so she was still planning on becoming a guest. I apologized for kicking her out with no warning but I laid out my frustrations. She apologized for being really picky about the dress and

[02:38:56] realized that the attention wasn't going to be on her and it wasn't her day so it wasn't really appropriate for her to get upset over fine details on a dress. She also revealed to me that this was

[02:39:06] going to be her first time being a bridesmaid, she doesn't usually wear dresses, she's more of a leggings and sweatshirt type of girl. I took some of your guys advice again and asked Joy to show

[02:39:16] me a couple of dresses online she would be comfortable with, didn't matter what color, I just wanted to see her style and she searched for about 10 minutes and couldn't find one that she

[02:39:26] loved. She kind of looked bummed and a little apologetic so I came up with a plan. The official dress shopping day for the bridesmaids was the next day and I invited Joy to go with us to get

[02:39:37] a feel for the dresses to see if she would be comfortable and she agreed. So the next day my girls and I met up at a dress place, tried on a couple of dresses and Joy didn't really like

[02:39:48] them, even though my other bridesmaids did. Finally we tried on the fourth dress which was the one. The girls fell in love with it and I looked at Joy and she was staring at herself in

[02:39:59] the mirror but she had a smile on her face. Bloody onion ninjas. I came up to her and told her again I didn't mind if she wore a shawl or cover up some moments and she nodded and smiled

[02:40:10] again. Actually one of my bridesmaids who didn't really know about the situation came up to Joy and told her how gorgeous she looked in the dress. I'm not going to lie, I shed a couple of tears because

[02:40:20] they all looked so beautiful. So we found a dress that was matching and all the girls were happy with and Joy is back in the bridal party. Hope that this was a happy ending that everyone enjoyed.

[02:40:31] Now for me I have to go plan other parts of the wedding with my fiance. I just wanted to say a little bit of communication can go a long way. I will admit that I was very stressed when helping my bridesmaids with the dresses but

[02:40:52] having a simple conversation saved my friendship and my bridal party. I'm so happy. And I gotta tell you what, it doesn't take much for me these days to get a tear or two coming out.

[02:41:04] Just the thought of Joy stood there seeing herself in the dress and you know being really happy with it is just a powerful thing. And I gotta admit right or wrong in the first part of the post I was

[02:41:17] very much verging on a not the arsehole because of how OP was so accommodating and you know trying on several dresses to try and get her friend Joy to be happy and it just didn't

[02:41:28] work out. So I thought at some point you just gotta cut that off. But as the comments went on they were swaying me towards a no ones an arsehole here especially when they are talking about body

[02:41:36] insecurity and Joy being a friend. I thought I was in sort of OP's situation you know after reading all the comments and stuff like that I think that's my friend I don't want them to

[02:41:45] feel insecure while at my wedding. Right or wrong I know everyone's gonna have their own opinion on that because the comments in this post were very all over the place but I'm very very

[02:41:54] glad they did have their happy ending in the end. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

[02:42:07] Now I've had to come back after reading this story and I just want to give you a warning in case you do want to skip it especially if you're eating. This story contains animal abuse to do

[02:42:15] with hoarding and also child abuse as well. And our next story comes from My Spouse is a Pet Hoarder who says it's 6am and the roosters have been crowing non-stop for the last two hours in our

[02:42:26] sunroom adjacent to our bedroom. I'm now sitting in the basement as flies swarm around me and I've given up swatting them because there's too many to bother. The basement is the area of the house with

[02:42:37] the least amount of flies. On top of the rooster noise is the cackle of male quail that reside in our living room. They live in the base of three cages that are filled with budgies and a cockatiel.

[02:42:48] When I wake up and remember to put on my slippers and I hope to get to them before stepping in dog urine or fresh dog shit. Our carpet in our master bedroom is saturated in dog urine with many spots

[02:42:59] that haven't dried out yet. Yesterday my wife bought our daughter a new tortoise and a frog. The tortoise will be added to the aquarium with our bearded dragon. The bearded dragon which is

[02:43:10] often free to roam the house because my wife feels it will be happier. It is free to poop on our furniture or floor or where it was left out last. As I sit here in my basement, the one place where I

[02:43:21] do not allow any pets. I'm listening to a rabbit thumping its paws on the floor above me. Or the sounds of it biting and ripping apart our wall or furniture. I'm not sure which noise it is but I

[02:43:33] don't care anymore. We have at least six rabbits. Their little claws make a loud scraping and tapping noise as they scurry and hop across our laminate floors. The main level of our home is littered in

[02:43:44] rabbit droppings. The droppings get pushed to the side as our four children and us inadvertently kick them around while walking through the main level of our home. The dogs won't likely get let out

[02:43:55] this morning to go to the bathroom. The smaller dog doesn't even obey the command to go out anymore. He just stares at you confused by your directive. If he does go outside, he just comes back to find

[02:44:06] a place to shit and pee in one of our bedrooms. Our backyard doesn't have much dog shit because it's mostly in our bedrooms. It will stay there for days on end because there is no expectation

[02:44:16] that it shouldn't be there. The new smell from the giant rug I bought for the basement has worn off. It smelled like glue and dye and it drowned out the odors from the dozen chickens that reside

[02:44:26] in our family and living room. They live in a couple of 36-inch fabric pop-up enclosures filled with pine shavings. It is saturated with chicken shit and urine and has soaked into our oak wood hard floors, permanently damaging them. The stench is eye-watering. We have a lot of feathered

[02:44:43] friends here. In our master bedroom are three more cages with a variety of exotic birds that sing loudly all day long and leave a permanent mess of seeds on the floor around the cages.

[02:44:54] They are free to roam and so our room has droppings along our beds, headboard and on our pillows, along the sides of the doors where they perch, in our bathroom mirrors and down our shower

[02:45:04] curtains. Our sunroom has 30 plus chickens and about 8 or 10 of them are roosters and the roosters crow all day. This is where the flies breed. They come in through the 40-year-old sliding door that is often left open. This door separates the sunroom from our living area and our kitchen.

[02:45:22] The flies swarm in at any given time and there are dozens of flies in our living space. The heat and humidity bake the sunroom floor, which is covered in chicken shit and urine,

[02:45:31] and the odor spreads through the house. Our house is a suburban neighborhood. We do not live on a farm. In addition to these animals, we have two pet rats. They are sweet but as you expect,

[02:45:43] their cage is not well maintained and it stinks 90% of the time. Our boys has a snake and an axolotl aquarium. One of our daughters has an algae-covered fish aquarium that we fill with

[02:45:54] water whenever we hear the filter screech because the water evaporated too low. She also has an unkept cage with a hamster that is rarely played with. Right now I'm listening to the mice eat

[02:46:04] through the foam board insulation in my basement. I want to get rid of them but it's challenging with all the access to feed throughout the house. They seem to be breeding and entering through

[02:46:13] the home at a faster pace than they can be exterminated. I'm not a pet person and this life is driving me nuts. My wife is a pet hoarder and has ADHD. Our backyard is a ghost town of quail

[02:46:25] cages from last year when she was really into quail breeding and we had over 150 living in our backyard. Now there are remains broken and half-built cages and mounds of shavings and wood chips that are intended to be used as bedding. Scattered in random places in our backyard are

[02:46:40] household garbage bags of chicken shit. When you try to lift them they fall apart because they weigh 30-40 pounds and the bags have deteriorated from the sun. When challenged, she seems to delight in

[02:46:51] the frustration it causes me because she is not happy in our marriage. It seems like her accumulating animals is bringing her little bits of dopamine with each acquisition. I'm tired of living like this and I don't know what to do. Our children think this behavior

[02:47:05] is acceptable and they often chide at me for not being on board with the animals. They say I'm not a pet person. It's true that I'm not actually a pet person but what we have going on here is irresponsible, unsanitary and illegal. This is pet cruelty and normalizing

[02:47:21] neglect of animals. Edit, people think this is a shitpost but it's real. I'm not uploading pics for privacy but it's genuine. I wrote it in this style to express everything because it's distressing and aggravating and I haven't expressed it to anyone. I'm seriously asking for advice. It's

[02:47:37] slipped out of control. The amount of pushback from my wife when I address the problems creates a lot of tension and distresses the children. She just keeps bringing home animals. The last time I

[02:47:48] threatened to re-home the chickens that she was keeping in the house, she became extremely angry and combative. She re-homed them but not after a slew of insults and claiming that I was being totally unreasonable. Then she just slips back into the same behaviors because she never believed

[02:48:03] it was a problem in the first place. We've had a company come to our house but no one has called CPS or animal control yet. Seeing all these reactions has made me realize just how bad it is

[02:48:13] from an outside perspective and a CPS call is a serious possibility and that is terrifying. An OP did update their post 1.5 years later which says, Some of you may remember my post venting and looking for advice on what to do in regards to

[02:48:29] an extreme animal hoarding situation with my wife. Dozens of chickens residing in the home and a variety of animals roaming outside of cages in the home, feces and a rampant mice infestation. After posting, I sought therapy and started getting my bearing straightened out.

[02:48:45] In the midst of setting firm boundaries and beginning the work to clean up literally 2 tons of chicken shit, sand and pine shavings and resolving the rodent problem, a call to CPS was made by a third party and an investigation ensued. Believe it or not, by that time,

[02:49:00] much of the situation was resolved. Animals re-homed, home cleaned and sanitized. Nothing came of the CPS investigation and it was pretty quickly closed out. However, the relationship was essentially permanently damaged as my wife continued to deny the

[02:49:15] problem was out of hand. Deep resentment developed towards each other. Fast forward nearly 12 months and my wife requested a divorce. We are now separated awaiting official legal divorce. I have moved into a very nice home and have the kids 50-50.

[02:49:30] My physical and mental health has dramatically improved. My kids now have an organized and clean haven. They seem happy. It seems inevitable she may lose custody of the kids at some point altogether. I'm hoping she can keep things in check but due to the constant denial that

[02:49:46] there was a problem it will most likely repeat. I may have no choice but take steps to ensure the children's safety at some point further disrupting the children's lives from their otherwise loving mother. Limitations on pet quantities and cleanliness standards are written

[02:50:01] into the divorce settlement agreement. By the way, wife has been in therapy for a couple years in the midst of hoarding. I guess you could say the therapist was either not savvy to the situation

[02:50:12] or enabling to an irresponsible level. I'm leaning towards the latter. She became more and more emboldened that I was causing her problems as opposed to looking forward. The therapist seemed to fuel the delusions as far as I could tell. Anyway, thanks for all your advice and getting

[02:50:29] me to wake up to the madness I contributed to through inaction. There was a guy when I was younger around the area, you guys know that, and I didn't know him myself but there was a story

[02:50:40] always going around. I was too young when he was about but we called him Albert and he was one that used to like to collect chickens and we used to live in flats so there wasn't much of a back

[02:50:51] garden if anything. No one was sure where he was getting these chickens from but he would keep them in their back garden but they could scale the fence and they were going to other people's garden

[02:51:00] and they were making so much noise and dying and the bodies were just left on the floor and people were reporting this and get sort of animal control of whatever coming around to check

[02:51:10] on it and they wouldn't do nothing. They'd give him a warning and say you need to re-home some of these chickens and we'll give you like a month to do it and then he'd re-home some and then when that

[02:51:19] was done he would just get more and it was just like a constant battle like that. I think eventually he did get moved out of the area but like this post apparently the whole area just stunk of shit and

[02:51:31] maggots and stuff where the birds were dying and things like that which is incredibly sad. But now I turn this one to you guys, what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your

[02:51:42] thoughts down in the comments below. And our next story comes from businesscautious5392 and says Am I the asshole for requiring my sister to sign a legally binding contract before I loan her money? Throwaway account, I 42 female have a successful career and inherited a decent amount of money

[02:52:03] from my late husband. I'm nowhere close to being a millionaire but it's enough so that as long as I'm smart with the money to only work because I want to and I'm assuming retires in there by the

[02:52:13] time I hit 45. That's including any college expenses my two children may have in the future so long as they go to state college. Family knows that I have money and while I don't mind giving a

[02:52:26] couple of hundred dollars here and there because I know I most likely won't get it back, I draw the line at anything $400 plus. They know this but that still doesn't stop them from trying and I've always

[02:52:38] stayed firm on this. About once the pandemic my brother-in-law 35 male lost his job and my sister's 37 female job have reduced her hours until further notice. Two weeks ago I got a call from my mother

[02:52:51] asking if I could come over. I had no problem with this and swung by the next day and found my sister already there and I could tell she'd been crying. Based on the title you all know where this is

[02:53:02] going. So with me, her and both our parents there my sister informed me that even though her job was expected to go back to regular work hours in early 2021 there was a rumor that they would be

[02:53:13] downsizing. She wasn't sure if her job would be secure and brother-in-law still hasn't found any luck in getting a new job yet. I knew what they wanted and tried to play dumb at first and offered

[02:53:24] to help find brother-in-law and my sister jobs. My sister said that was very generous of me and she would take the offer but in the meantime what they really needed was a loan. My sister asked for

[02:53:35] at least $40,000 to help with paying off their credit card, manage the mortgage, make payments towards their student loans again and still have some money left over in case the worst happened.

[02:53:46] I was quick to tell them that they were asking a lot from me, that while I did have some money I didn't just have $40,000 laying around to give them on a whim. I told them I'd have to check my

[02:53:57] finances and think about it. After two days I started getting inquiring texts from my parents and sister and told them that I was busy this week and that I'd let them know over the weekend.

[02:54:08] I checked the numbers and it was cutting it a little close but it was doable. However, I didn't like the idea of just giving the money away without any reassurances that I'd get it back.

[02:54:18] I drew up a rough draft of a contract and emailed it to my sister and I was willing to give her the money after she signed the final draft and that the money would have to be given in three separate

[02:54:27] installments. My family was furious and said that as the older sister it was my duty to look out for my sister in a time of need and to make her sign a contract was offensive. I countered

[02:54:39] with that since my sister has never paid me back whenever I loaned her money since the day I married my husband. I think this was more than fair. Everyone is still angry with me so I just wanted

[02:54:48] a more neutral perspective. Am I the asshole? OP then edits the post with some additional information which says wow, stepped away for a couple and I wanted to say thanks for the support.

[02:55:00] Also, I keep seeing a few of the same questions pop up so I'm going to clarify and mention a couple of things. My sister and her husband can't get a loan from the bank or at least not much

[02:55:10] because their credit isn't the best right now. To my sister and brother in law's credit they did have some savings but are burning through it since my brother in law is currently out of work and my

[02:55:19] sister doesn't work enough hours right now. Also, they have kids. After I got married my sister started making little jokes that compared to what my husband makes what's a few couple of dollars to

[02:55:31] family every now and then. Over the years I gave my sister at least $2,500 that she never paid back and I just stopped counting after a while because it would get me upset. I just made a habit to stop

[02:55:43] giving her money. Although I would still pay whenever we went out to restaurants, the movies or the spa. Edit 2, okay had to step away again for personal stuff and when I checked I saw even

[02:55:55] more responses all talking about how I would collect money if my sister either refused or couldn't pay me back. I left that part out because I wanted to focus on just the idea of the contract

[02:56:05] itself rather than the technicality part. As previously stated I emailed my sister a rough draft of the contract and was planning on having it notarized so that it was official but as collateral I would take ownership of her and my brother-in-laws cars if they couldn't pay.

[02:56:20] Hope that clears a few things up.

[02:56:46] I'm not playing down, I know this could have been down to a bad run in life but I gotta say it does feel to me like they are taking advantage of OP in this particular situation and they're kicking up a fuss now about a contract because they know it's unlikely you're going to be paid back.

[02:57:11] Sure there's a chance they might think they're going to do that but then other things get in the way, they still might not have jobs or the hours once they've burned through all that money and then

[02:57:21] they're in the same position again potentially borrowing from someone else or asking you again and then you're very unlikely to see that money ever again. And don't get me wrong no one likes

[02:57:31] to see families struggle but I think they are taking advantage of you. But as Elitiduser says Holy heck that's a lot of money. I wouldn't loan them that at all, contract or no.

[02:57:42] They seem to have a problem with their finances and while I think they could be shown compassion, $40,000 is a line that should definitely not be crossed especially if they're still in debt to you. Not the arsehole and don't let them guilt you into harming yourself for their gain.

[02:57:57] Stop hitting myself says not the arsehole it looks like they had no intention of paying you back. I think you need to come up with a more realistic number. You don't need to pay off their student

[02:58:07] loans especially as they might not be making enough currently to have to pay them anyway. Ask them about their mortgage and possibly organise payments directly to the provider with that written contract. Express how you are hurt by the emotional blackmail and say you feel

[02:58:21] that you're being punished because you're a young widow, your duty is to yourself and your children Meal Team 60 replies that and says Aha you are British, I can tell by both organise and the fact

[02:58:34] that you think their student loans don't have to be paid if they aren't earning. Here in the greatest country in the world, you have to pay off your student loans no matter what. You could be

[02:58:44] homeless or dead and they'll still come after you or your family. Cheerily terrified says not the arsehole, mortgage and food sure but if they're asking for money to pay off student loans and

[02:58:55] credit card debt and also have a contingency then well I'd say no but I'd definitely ask for a contract especially if they don't pay you back. If your family are that appalled then they can

[02:59:04] take the credit card and student loan payments for you. And one more from Curly Tomato who says not the arsehole, how dare they behave like that. Your husband died, I'm very sorry for you all,

[02:59:16] and the money he left was to make sure that you and his children would be okay because he wasn't going to be there to do that. Once it is gone, it is gone, it's all on you. Unlike your sister and

[02:59:26] brother-in-law who are both able to contribute to the family. If anything it is your parents duty to look after their daughter not her sister not supporting you is what is offensive, they are

[02:59:36] arseholes. And what exactly is the emergency? They want to pay off their credit cards and have leftover money in case. Well so does most of the world and how does everyone do that? Not take

[02:59:48] your sister's money that's for sure. I bet they would use the emergency fund for a big trip or a big tv because they had a hard year and deserved it. Wouldn't pay you back a dime and treat you like

[02:59:58] you did something wrong. Tell her you changed your mind, she doesn't have to sign the contract, you were wrong, you were not lending the money to them at all. So then OP did update the post which says thanks to all the wonderful and helpful comments.

[03:00:13] I won't lie familial pressure was getting to me a little because I realized how fortunate I am. I also wanted to apologize for downplaying my socio-economic status. I just have been living beneath my means for so long I sometimes forget how fortunate I truly am.

[03:00:30] I just wanted to show my children the importance of being financially responsible and rarely ever splurged. In the end I contacted my sister and brother-in-law for a sit down, public so they couldn't cause too much of a scene, but private enough so we could vaguely discuss

[03:00:45] sensitive information. Plus there was the social distancing. I simply did a basic lay down of the situation. I told them that I needed them to hear everything I had to say first and if they

[03:00:56] interrupted me I would walk away and not lend them a cent. First I told them that it is good to help family when you can, but couldn't give them $40,000. I am able to offer them $3,200 a month

[03:01:09] for at least 6 months. I told them that I simply cannot afford anymore without it affecting my kids and that I am a mother before I'm a sister or daughter. I also told them that I can't afford

[03:01:20] to bail them out every time they are in trouble and that since the future is so uncertain I may not always have the means to care for others. My money is going to have strings attached and

[03:01:29] if they didn't like it they could go somewhere else. I made it clear that I wasn't doing this to be mean or controlling but I want to help my sister help herself. The rules were. A. The money

[03:01:41] would be deposited in a new joint bank account with one authorized signer. B. My sister and brother in law were going to meet with a financial advisor which I would pay for. C. Since neither of them

[03:01:52] are working it doesn't make sense to have two cars so I expect them to sell one of them and then our parents can let my sister or brother in law use one of their cars when they need it. D. Before they

[03:02:03] can get the first payment they will be having their meeting with a financial advisor and I will be in the meeting just so I know they went. I made it very clear that this is the best that I

[03:02:12] could give them. They looked upset but I told them that beggars can't be choosers. They said they'd think about it. I knew that my sister was going to cry to our parents so I called them as

[03:02:22] soon as I got in the car and told them everything. I said I'm not changing my mind and that if they feel my sister needs more than what I'm offering they're more than happy to downsize and sell their

[03:02:32] home or take out money from their own retirement and SSI since family helps family. If there's an update I'll put here as an edit. EDIT FOR INFO I keep saying this just so we're clear. The $3,200 a month is going to be a gift and I told

[03:02:49] them that. I don't expect to ever see that money again. But I'm never going to give my sister and brother in law another cent after this and I'm prepared to go low contact slash no contact with

[03:02:59] over this. I know my parents will never go low contact slash no contact with me because I'm their first choice when it comes to taking care of them when they're too old to take care of themselves. EDIT FOR INFO

[03:03:11] Forgot to mention that I don't really want sister and brother in law to sell one of the cars. It's just my way of putting pressure on brother in law to get a job. Any job. He has a masters

[03:03:21] and was making, I think around $75,000 at minimum and now he wants a job in the same field making the same amount or more. If we weren't in a pandemic and he didn't have so much debt I'd

[03:03:32] understand him wanting to hold out for something better but right now you gotta do what you gotta do. EDIT FOR INFO And I gotta say my head dropped a bit when she said the $3,200 a month is going to be a gift

[03:03:44] and I told them that and I don't ever expect to see that money again. And then OP talking about their parents and saying that I'm their first choice when it comes to taking care of them when they get too old to take care of themselves. EDIT FOR INFO

[03:03:56] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Another story And our next story comes from Tri who says am I the arsehole for not allowing my daughter to

[03:04:11] spend Christmas with me and my new family. EDIT FOR INFO I, 46 female, am the mother of a 24 year old woman from my first marriage and 12 and 10 year old boys from my second marriage. When I was married to my first husband, he was unemployed almost all of our marriage.

[03:04:28] We lived in a house his father owned. His father paid our bills, he bought us the car we drove, he sent my husband money to take care of our family etc. I was young, stupid and in love.

[03:04:38] That is my only excuse for living like that. When my daughter turned 5, I started pushing my husband to work. I myself got a job. He didn't want to. Things escalated and ended up in us getting divorced. He got full custody while I got visitations every other Saturday.

[03:04:55] His dad hired a good lawyer, I couldn't do that. I also had to pay child support. I used to work a full time and two part time jobs to afford my one bedroom apartment as well as the child support

[03:05:06] payments. A year after our divorce, my ex married a new woman. There was a lot of child alienation from them and sadly I couldn't afford to take them to court again. By the time my daughter turned 14,

[03:05:19] was calling me by my name and calling her step mum, mum. I tried my best to hold on to my kid. I went to all the events I could go to. I planned fun days with the limited funds I had.

[03:05:30] Even when I couldn't afford to turn on the heat, I still made sure to get her a Christmas gift. Sadly, by the time she turned 16, she no longer wanted to have anything to do with me.

[03:05:41] I took them to court but they did nothing. And the last time I saw her, she said some very awful things to me. I was defeated but I decided that I no longer had a daughter since that is literally

[03:05:52] what she wanted. I moved away, met a good man, married him and had two wonderful kids. Last year my daughter reached out. She was sorry. She said that she wanted to reconnect. I was hesitant and resentful but I still talk with her once a week.

[03:06:09] Suddenly she asked if she could spend Christmas with us. She wanted to get to know her brothers. I told her that we were not in a stage where I could allow that. It got heated but I told her

[03:06:19] that I could not trust her with my kids and that I was still not 100% sure that I wanted our relationship to become more. She says that I am an asshole and I'm punishing her for things she had

[03:06:29] no control over. That I know what she told me and how she reacted to me was a direct result of her father's manipulation. Am I the asshole? Edit since a nice redditor brought it to my attention.

[03:06:41] My kids are adopted. She is my only biological child. I'm just used to saying that I had kids. They are technically my late sister-in-law's children but I raised them these last 7 years. We're going to go straight to the comments starting with administration this who says you're the

[03:06:55] asshole and quotes I was young, stupid and in love. This is my only excuse for living like that. And goes on to say, Your daughter was also young and surrounded by manipulative people

[03:07:05] who turned her against you. You were able to snap out of it and work hard to make a life for yourself. Your daughter, who hurt your feelings when she was literally a child, seems to have snapped out of it as well. But you offer her no grace.

[03:07:19] Maroon Grad says no one's an asshole here. You aren't going to get over it all immediately and I can see the reluctance to go too fast and get your heart broken again. But I can see how she wants to

[03:07:30] make up for all the years she missed and doesn't want to miss anymore. Keep in mind that her other alternatives may be Christmas alone or stuck having Christmas with the man who cost her her mother.

[03:07:41] Exhorta says not the asshole. I feel like people are missing the part where there are children involved. I hope he is right to evaluate what kind of person her daughter is before introducing her to the family. You don't just suddenly bring your estranged daughter to

[03:07:55] Christmas. Remarkable Station says choice of words matter. No one's an asshole here but maybe I would have gone with I need time to heal, let's rebuild, just us before we involve more family. Or anything else rather than I don't trust you. Might be true but it's also hurtful.

[03:08:13] Kicking Wan says feel like there's a lot of missing context here. The courts don't generally grant custody to fathers let alone unemployed ones so I need some info there. Hope he responded and

[03:08:23] said small town connected father in law who happens to be rich and me barely over the poverty line and not from said town. I was lucky to get visitations. Classic Compliant 373 says am I the asshole but tell my future mother in law that if she keeps

[03:08:53] pushing for a child free wedding I'm going to convince her son to elope. My fiance and I met at university. I was there on scholarship and he was a legacy. For those of you who might not understand what that means I will try to explain.

[03:09:07] A legacy is a student that may or may not meet the qualifications to get into a certain university. However, their family has a long history with the school and alumni and as an alumni donate

[03:09:18] to the endowment or contribute in some other way to the school. He's actually a charming and intelligent person and didn't need family connections to get in. He's a kind and generous person. I could spend this entire post talking about him but that's not why I'm here. His family

[03:09:33] is fancy. They want us to have a huge fancy wedding and his mother is harping on about it being child free. My family is not fancy and I love all my little relatives. I'm from Colombia.

[03:09:45] I grew up calling anyone that I was even remotely related to that was close to my age primo slash prima. Cousin, anyone older was tío slash tía, uncle slash aunt. I have so many little cousins

[03:09:57] and niblings that I want at my wedding. One of my dreams has already been a wedding picture where it's just me in my wedding dress just surrounded by kids. But my future mother-in-law

[03:10:07] keeps insisting that we should be child free for the reception. I'm sick of it. We are visiting his family for Christmas and we just had another discussion about the wedding. I finally lost it.

[03:10:18] I very politely informed her that if I heard one more word about how she didn't like that we were planning our wedding to include children that I would convince her son to elope. He is on the

[03:10:28] spectrum and isn't really looking forward to a huge wedding anyways. He says he would be happy with a courthouse wedding. He's equally happy with what we are planning. He is not happy about

[03:10:39] his mom trying to dictate to us plans for a wedding she isn't paying for. We are paying for everything ourselves. She is in the other room being comforted by her daughter and other daughter

[03:10:49] in law. All three of them said I was being cruel to threaten to not have a wedding for our eldest son. My fiance's dad agrees with us that it is our choice. Before anyone asks my family could

[03:11:01] have paid my university tuition and bought without breaking the bank. We just aren't fancy. Am I being the asshole like they said? Relatives there so absolutely have them there. Mother in law don't like it well she can piss off.

[03:11:21] Stoney says not the asshole I'm guessing she was going to use the wedding to flaunt wealth and invite social friends to impress. If you are feeling magnanimous tell her if she wants to

[03:11:31] throw an adult only engagement party or something else you'll be happy to attend on her dime but the wedding is non negotiable. Secret jealous says not the asshole she has no say in your wedding.

[03:11:43] Even if she was paying for the whole thing she would not get to dictate who you invite. Have some experience with a just know mother in law who are making a good decision to set and

[03:11:52] enforce boundaries early on in your relationship with her. East variety says you should incorporate all the kids into your wedding. I'm picturing 19 flower girls twirling down the aisle. It's your wedding not the asshole. Corgi Hunter says not the asshole I don't know why it matters

[03:12:09] that the wedding be child free but her opinion doesn't matter whatsoever. It's your wedding and it's your choice, yours and your fiance's. There's only so long you can put up with her nagging and

[03:12:20] not listening. You did not so much threaten her as promise her. She now knows she's not going to get her own way and she doesn't like it. Imaginary Fall says not the asshole

[03:12:32] it's your wedding and I think it's wonderful that you want to include all the children in your family that you love and care for. I also love the idea of the picture of you in your

[03:12:40] wedding dress with them surrounding you. I think it would be beautiful. You only told your future mother in law what you did because she kept pushing the issue and is seemingly the only person

[03:12:50] who wants it to be child free. You wouldn't have had to been so firm with her if she would only respect your wishes on your special day so in my opinion you are definitely not the asshole this scenario.

[03:13:12] Throwawaymama mia says My 29 female, husband 30 male has been going out with his co-worker, 23 female lately. We've been together for 8 years and married for over a year now. He's been working in this company after he graduated from college. I've never heard him

[03:13:30] talk about any of his co-workers cause he's not really that kind of guy who tried so hard to make a connection with other people. He's very introverted and likes to be in his bubble. Sadly,

[03:13:41] he's just the type of guy that's easy to approach and talk with. He doesn't know that but I've been with him for 8 years. He's very calm, funny and quirky. These past few months my husband has been

[03:13:53] mentioning this poor girl. I remembered a lot of bullshit happened to her this year that's why my husband is trying to uplift her. My husband does not usually do that. He doesn't usually give a

[03:14:04] fuck about anyone. He asked me if I'm cool if he'd bring this girl to a bar and I asked if I could come along and he said that he doesn't really want to stir up awkwardness between me and her,

[03:14:15] especially he's trying to comfort her after she had this recent breakup. He showed me her picture, she's really obviously young and very pretty. I've read their conversations and it hurts sometimes that my husband always initiates the conversation. They have been going out every Saturday. I told

[03:14:32] him I'm starting to feel uncomfortable with this friendship. He said that there's nothing to worry about and that he's just helping her out. It's like a female to female friendship. I don't know

[03:14:43] what he's trying to point out but everything between them two scares the shit out of me. My husband still lets me read their conversation from time to time and the fuck it hurts me that

[03:14:53] he responds to her faster than me. I hate how he kept apologizing whenever this girl left her on read. It's like I'm fucking reading how my husband begged this girl to give him some of her attention

[03:15:04] and time and I can't take it anymore. I don't know how I'd approach him because it's always ended up that I'm feeding this for nothing, that there's nothing to worry about. I told him that I

[03:15:15] want to meet her and he said for what reason. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even think she knew that my husband is married. And that last paragraph really made me think, when you said I

[03:15:26] don't know how I'd approach him because it always ended up I'm feeding this for nothing, there's nothing to worry about and I told him I want to meet her and he said for what reason. And that

[03:15:34] instantly jumped into my head your last sentence that does she even know that he's married? Which you know might be unfair to say and I may have read one too many reddit stories

[03:15:46] but it certainly did just pop into my head. And I know many male or female colleagues who's gone out with the opposite sex after work for a quick drink or gone to lunch with them etc.

[03:15:57] But where it really struck me is that it's like every Saturday they've been going out every Saturday. But to me I gotta say it doesn't feel right to me. But Irish Kathy says no woman I know

[03:16:08] would go out weekly with a married man and not understand exactly what is happening. Put your foot down, Saturday you go with him or he takes you on a date, not his 23 year old friend.

[03:16:20] This is nonsense, he's cheating if not physically, emotionally and he is trying to get away with it in plain sight. Not okay. Mysterious prize replies to that and says hmm I don't know,

[03:16:32] I'm friends with many women I have worked with and I know a few other married guys that are friends with women as well. I have gone out for lunch or dinner one on one many times,

[03:16:42] I always tell my wife about it and if available invite her to join us too. That's the weird part of this to me is that he is actively blocking his wife from interacting

[03:16:50] with her. Also I always respond to my wife faster than anyone else. Point is though I think it is very possible for men to be strictly friends with women or any folks to be strictly friends

[03:17:01] with whatever gender they may happen to be attracted to. Irish Kathy then responds to that and says friends sure, occasional one on one lunch or dinner okay but a standing Saturday night date without your spouse? Nope. Madtown Mitch says not okay, if he still won't introduce

[03:17:18] her to you he's having an affair or wants to. Going out with her instead of you once is one thing, multiple times on Saturday nights you need to tell him to break it off now, full stop.

[03:17:29] Basic Escape replies to that and says this has to end. Calmly state that you need him to distance himself from her as this is making you uncomfortable and you are his wife and therefore

[03:17:39] come first. It is non-negotiable. He has given her plenty of his, your time to get over a breakup, now it is your expectation that you'll be going out together on Saturday nights etc.

[03:17:52] Nick says the way he started to clearly blur a boundary and get you to be on board with what he's up to is straight up wrong. You know this isn't right you just don't know how far it's gone.

[03:18:03] You have a very uncomfortable conversation to have with him and a very difficult decision to make afterwards if I had to guess. He needs to admit that this isn't okay and cut her out, something tells me he won't be willing to do that.

[03:18:16] And one more from every jump who says he wants to cheat or he already is, he's trying to cheer her up over a breakup. Pretty sure she has friends that can do that and

[03:18:25] he refuses to introduce you because of awkwardness lol. Add to the fact that you said normally doesn't give a fuck about people but now he cares about an attractive 23 year old woman.

[03:18:37] So then OP comes in with her first update which says after this post I approached my husband that I want him to stop seeing this girl every Saturday unless he would bring me along. He told me that

[03:18:47] I'm not making any sense that he could just bring me and why I'm making this a big deal. I asked him if this girl knew he's married and based on his reaction I knew that she doesn't

[03:18:57] know he's married, he said that would brush the fact that he's married in her face. I called him names and he got so upset. I took his phone and go through every single app,

[03:19:07] he's been messaging her from time to time. I found out he gave her a very expensive gift that was worth almost $1000. I was hella pissed about it. We had a joint and personal account. A lot of things happened after this post that my brain couldn't process everything.

[03:19:24] I threatened him that I will tell this girl I'm his wife and she's being a home wrecker. He said he will never forgive me if he ruined this one and only friendship he had.

[03:19:33] I told him that he doesn't make any sense that he's being disrespectful to our relationship. He said that he doesn't feel the love ever since we got married, he's never been this happy, excited and content with anyone. I ended up messaging the girl,

[03:19:47] she said that she doesn't know he's married and was very apologetic about it. He was so mad and left the house, I don't know what to do. I've been calling his phone but he's not picking up.

[03:19:59] I messaged the girl if she's with him, she said he's not there. She just got into a breakup and a lot of things happened to her so she doesn't want to be involved with anyone. She was so sorry,

[03:20:11] if she would have known he was married she would never have bothered going out with him. I found out she just started working there 3 months ago. I have so many questions in my mind.

[03:20:21] Opie then updated again and says I haven't told any of my family and friends about this, I felt embarrassed, very ugly and pathetic right now. The last thing I want to see on their face

[03:20:32] is the pity face. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. My husband went back around 3am and we talked about it. He said he could no longer see me in his future ever since we got married.

[03:20:43] The reason why he has been working a lot was he does not want me to be around. I asked him why did he wait cause we have been married for a year. He thought his feelings will

[03:20:54] come eventually, that it's just a phase and there's no way his love for me will be gone overnight but everyday just feels worse for him. He doesn't want me anymore, that he thinks it's

[03:21:04] totally over and we could even be friends. He said that throughout our married life he moved on. I felt the ultimate betrayal. I told him that we could go for couples counselling and work it out.

[03:21:15] He cried and said he doesn't want to be stuck anymore. It's not about his co-worker anymore, it's about what he felt in our relationship. He cried and asked for divorce while I'm crying

[03:21:25] and begging him not to. I was so confused and I don't know what to do. I felt like I was a good partner. I asked him about his co-worker if they ever had sex. He said that he genuinely cares and

[03:21:37] likes her. He's getting to know her more bullshit but he thinks she doesn't see him that way. Nothing happened between them. I asked him about the money he spent on her and he said that he

[03:21:47] bought her a Christmas gift. I'm in so much pain that I felt numb, that I couldn't believe this is happening to me. And I think this will be my last update. I guess I'll be welcoming 2023 as a fucking

[03:22:00] divorced woman. I know OP said they didn't want pity, they don't want sympathy or anything like that but you gotta feel sorry for someone who's gone through this. Been married for a year and throughout that marriage someone didn't love you and they were just hoping that their feelings

[03:22:16] would come back. It's gotta be fucking hard to hear man. And the fact that he's basically been trying to get with someone else this whole time. And I hope for OP over time that they realize that

[03:22:29] this is gonna be the best for them. Obviously it's going to hurt but you don't want to be with someone that doesn't love you and has treated you like they have in this particular post.

[03:22:39] You deserve way better than that. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. And I spotted a bit of a

[03:22:53] different story for our next one today that I wanted to read because I found it quite interesting myself. I'm not sure if you will but it's about someone who turns to Reddit when their brother

[03:23:02] is in danger of dying in the Buffalo Blizzard of 2022. The original post was from JuneDZAMan who says I need urgent help. But before we get to that post there was some general info from the poster

[03:23:17] who says Buffalo New York is known for its snowy winters but the blizzard of 2022 has been called the storm of a lifetime. 48 inches, 122cm of snow fell in about 48 hours. With the wind chill the temperature was minus 30 Fahrenheit slash minus 34 Celsius. The conditions were so bad that

[03:23:39] emergency services were suspended. 40 people died. So then the I need urgent help post says my brother got stuck in his car this afternoon. He is near, the address removed. He is running

[03:23:52] out of gas. We tried our best to reach out to the fire department, police and tow companies but didn't get any help yet. Please someone help me. Any help or suggestion would be really appreciated. Then someone commented on that post who was a local volunteer firefighter who says

[03:24:11] volunteer firefighter here, our trucks cannot move in this snow. We are getting stuck. We cannot get to anyone at the moment. At least 50% of the town's fire apparatus are stuck somewhere. I hate to say

[03:24:24] this but if you can contact him tell him help is probably not coming. He's going to have to get resourceful. Knock on doors, do something. There is nothing we can do at the moment. We are snowed

[03:24:35] in the fire hall. Then another commenter called Spore211215 says I live close by. I can bring gas and some warm clothes possibly. If he's up for it I can walk him back to that fire hall.

[03:24:48] I live near that area. Then Spore211215 who says they can volunteer to help made their own post saw another post on here saying someone was stuck on St removed near crab apples. But I think to

[03:25:02] myself hey I only live about half a mile from there. I bet I could help this person and make the decision to go. He's been stuck there all day and his clothes got wet from the snow trying to leave

[03:25:13] so I knew he was in need of help. So I'm getting myself ready. I grab what little gas I have, I grab some food and water in case he needs any and some new warm clothes and a blanket for him. Then

[03:25:25] I gear myself up. I put on some thick hiking socks, sweatpants, a backpack to carry my gear, puffy snow pants, a Hanes white tee, two sweaters, a jacket, a high vis vest, thick leather winter gloves, insulated winter muck boots, a headband and a motorcycle helmet

[03:25:42] to try and combat the snow and wind. So it's time to head out. It's about 11pm, wind gusts are still ripping outside and snowdrifts can bring the visibility down to zero. The motorcycle helmet is a mixed bag of help and having snow stuck in my face but overall

[03:25:58] a good choice. Now let me tell you that going to get this man was difficult. I'm a taller man so the snow banks weren't as much of a struggle for me but unfortunately when the snowdrifts go

[03:26:09] up to my mid thigh and every step has my foot drop all the way down in the snow with no resistance, it leads to walking becoming a big task in itself. So I'm making my way down the street and it is

[03:26:22] difficult. I get that I'm wearing a motorcycle helmet and it's hard to breathe in that but even when the visor is lifted it was still hard to breathe. Not only from the snow constantly blowing

[03:26:32] in my face but also the fact that it was hard to walk. I'm in decent shape but walking through those drifts is no easy task. Eventually I make it down my street and a few streets over,

[03:26:43] switching between easier and near impossible spots of walking along the way. I get to an automotive business and their building blocked a lot of the snow which let me walk like normal

[03:26:53] for once in a long while. I keep tracking but I'm near a main road without buildings as densely packed so the snowdrifts are blinding at points and I need to focus on buildings and objects to

[03:27:04] know where I'm going. Eventually I make it to the mans car after a good 40 minutes of walking when I only travelled 0.6 miles. So I get to the car and give him some clothes because that's

[03:27:16] mostly what he was interested in. Didn't care for any gas or food or water but I made sure to offer it to him to be sure. He changes and gets ready to make the trek himself with my help.

[03:27:27] After a few minutes he is ready and we are on our way. He says he talked with someone and he has a house he can go to be warm and safe for the night that is about 0.3 miles away. Alright

[03:27:38] sounds good lets head there. We make our way there, the man is not well dressed for the weather but you gotta work with what you've got. He has regular sneakers on, his pants and my snow pants I gave

[03:27:50] him, the hat I gave him, the sweater I gave him and his shirt underneath. He throws a blanket on his head as kind of protection against the wind and snow. It's bad out. My tracks from just a few

[03:28:01] minutes ago are all but gone but I know where I'm going so it's alright. We walk up the road to cross the street and quickly cross the street. It's hard to see or hear anything so we can't

[03:28:12] really tell if a plow is coming so we act fast to try and stay safe. Then we make it to the side street, well needless to say that street hasn't been plowed in ages. Snow drifts near my chest and

[03:28:24] no path is available so it's time to trailblaze and make our own. We need to make it maybe like 9 or 10 houses into the street but with snow like this we are barely progressing at all.

[03:28:35] I'm dressed for the condition so I'm only getting tired. The man I'm helping isn't doing great, snow is accumulating on his face and he occasionally falls in the snow banks and

[03:28:45] needs to recover. When we get near houses that block the wind we take a break and relax because we need the energy to make it to the house and can't give up. While eventually through more

[03:28:55] struggles we eventually make it to the house. About 0.3 miles in, 30 or so minutes. The person living in the house graciously let us both in. I recover by warming up a little bit. The snow

[03:29:07] that accumulated on me just starts dripping and melting which I know is a bad sign for me so I make it stop short so I'm not drenched in water on my trek back. The man I helped is very thankful

[03:29:18] and gets comfortable and warm for the first time in hours but I can't stay long so I tell him I'm glad that he is safe. Thank the homeowner slash renter slash whoever the man that let me in was.

[03:29:29] On my way back home it's a few minutes after midnight, made it about a mile in about an hour. Not great but it is what it is. It's another 0.6 or so miles home. My phone is getting caked

[03:29:42] with ice at this point but surprisingly keeps working throughout the whole trip without any issues. Time to make my way back. I can actually see my trail this time so I utilize my previous

[03:29:53] steps to try and make my walk back a little bit easier. I'm starting to struggle but I know I can't stop. Eventually I make it back to street removed and see a front loader messing around with

[03:30:04] some snow where I'm assuming an emergency vehicle traffic. His windows are all iced and fogged up and I can't tell if he even sees me. I've got my mission so I stay the hell out of his way and keep

[03:30:16] going. I give a wave and thumbs up and keep making my way back home. Cross street removed quick because now I know the plows are around so I gotta be out of their way. Back into my neighborhood,

[03:30:28] now my trail is gone but I know where I'm going or at least I think I do. I keep making my way. I take a pit stop and call the girlfriend at home and let her know I'm ok and all that jazz

[03:30:39] so she can relax. Phone call ends and I keep making my way. Snow is blocking up my visor and I have been constantly raising and lowering it this whole trip. Fog and ice is really blocking

[03:30:50] my vision so I essentially need to keep my visor up to see and only lower it to catch my breath or block the heavy snow gusts. My progress is really slowing now and my right leg is starting to hurt.

[03:31:02] Feels like I'm pulling something near my hip. Oh well. That's unfortunately not something I can dwell on while in the streets in a snowstorm. I keep making my way at a severely reduced pace

[03:31:12] and take a turn onto my street. Unfortunately I was a bit exhausted and confused and made the turn one street too early and realized that about halfway down the street. Weighing my options I

[03:31:23] decided I can't really keep going forward here without risking wasting even more time trying to get home. So I backtrack to where I made the wrong turn and continue on the correct path.

[03:31:33] Eventually I made it one street further and make my correct turn. I am getting exhausted and my leg is really starting to bother me. No matter, gotta keep going. I hook a left and I'm on the final

[03:31:47] stretch home. Foot trail is gone again so I'm on my own for making a path. Snowdrifts are getting bad and extremely difficult to get through. I start counting my paces and can only make between

[03:31:58] 10-25, usually only 10 before I need to stop and catch my breath. Gotta keep going. That trail's on for a while. Eventually I start walking right up against people's houses if the snowdrift made

[03:32:10] a path to walk where there was less snow. I'm close to home but very very tired. Thankfully for the most part the snow is at least at my back on this path. I keep struggling but can't give up.

[03:32:22] I'm making nearly no progress but I gotta get home. Eventually I can see my house light but have little energy to make it there. 10 steps, 10 steps, 10 steps. I'm close. I see the last section

[03:32:36] of snow to near my house. 5 steps. My leg is really hurting. 5 steps. Boom. Home. I'm exhausted and ready to drop. I make it in the door. Girlfriend helps take off all my clothes and

[03:32:50] backpack and what not. I'm caked in snow but stayed warm throughout. I try to take my helmet off but the snow caked on the back of my head so much that my hair had ice in it that made them

[03:33:01] stuck together and she needed to melt the ice with her hand to get it off. I have her check me for frostbite and surprisingly there's none to be found. Which I might debate. At the time of writing

[03:33:12] this my ears are still a bit numb and funny feeling but nothing of much concern here. Almost like the feeling of Novocaine at the dentist but to a much lesser extent. And then I relax. She has

[03:33:24] hot cocoa ready for me as I walked in and I'm just getting to relax now. I earn this hot chocolate. Mission success. Helped a man get home safe and got home myself. Then the homeowner themselves replies to that post with,

[03:33:39] Thank you man. You saved the guy's life. May Allah bless you. I'm the homeowner who you guys came in. For a second I thought you were a first responder with your motorcycle helmet on. LOL.

[03:33:49] There's a happy ending story. The man stayed in my house two nights and he headed out this morning. He helped me clean some snow off my driveway before he left. He arrived at his home safe. His car is still stuck on the road. Thank you once again.

[03:34:03] Spore replies saying you helped save him too. Thank you for letting him stay with you. You're a hero for letting him in. No problem at all. Then an update from the original OP again who says,

[03:34:14] Last night I made a post asking for help for my brother who was stranded in the snow. Posting I got a lot of suggestions and advice. Then from nowhere this man came and offered this

[03:34:25] help. Shout out to this kind human angel Spore for helping my brother out of the snow in Buffalo last night. This man deserves all the love and prayers and gratitude for risking his own life to help

[03:34:36] save the life of a stranger. My family will be forever indebted to him and I just want to help spread his story in hopes of spreading some good news during this holiday season. Please help me in making this local story known. Thank you and happy holidays.

[03:35:17] Snow plows going across this like as I said not even a centimeter of snow just insanely ridiculous but I would hate to think what would have happened if no one came out to that guy.

[03:35:28] You said yourself you went out relatively well equipped with snow gear and helmet and all this kind of stuff and the gentleman in the car wasn't well equipped and he was already wet so if he

[03:35:38] eventually did have to leave his car from getting too cold run out of gas and the heaters packed up or whatever happened what would have happened to him. Would he have made it you literally saved

[03:35:48] someone's life. It's a true reddit legend post you know usually these posts become legends because you know because of something insane like the poo knife story or something like that but this is a

[03:36:00] hero story and it got me tearing up towards the end. I tear up over anything these days but a human seeing another human in dire need and going out to help them to save them is is just

[03:36:11] absolutely incredible. Well done to you Spore and I'm glad that your family is safe Junzazman I'm sorry I can't pronounce your name but now I'm going to turn it to you guys what do you guys

[03:36:23] make of this situation maybe some of you experienced that that blizzard and let me know your thoughts let me know your experiences and what you went through and what you saw would love to hear

[03:36:36] I said in the UK we don't get nothing like that at all minus 30 and I just done a quick google of like the UK's record lowest temperature and it was minus 27.2 and that's in Scotland somewhere

[03:36:50] not sure how accurate that is but you know but compared it to this post where it's like minus 30 Fahrenheit minus 34 Celsius insane 48 inches of snow it's incredible and incredibly scary at the same time anyway let me know your thoughts