Me And Boyfriend Witnessed A Perfect Wedding And It Destroyed Us r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from InternBoy123 from the RelationshipAdvice subreddit. And it says,

[00:00:25] 26 female, I went to a perfect wedding with my SO, 27 male. And now we're both freaking out and gave each other a month to decide to stay or split up. I feel so confused and scared. Advice? My partner and I have been together for more than three years. He is not perfect, but he is purely and genuinely good. Curious about the world. Honest. Very intelligent. Very caring.

[00:00:53] I do not doubt that we feel love for each other. We went to a friend's wedding together and honestly, the vows the couple said were so intense and true and honest. I'm not speculating. We've both known this couple and we know that their words are not wedding performance. They were way too cynical to place something up for a wedding. That it left me wondering whether I could say those things about my SO or anyone. It made me think, wow, love like that exists.

[00:01:22] Where two people can really say they want 100 forevers with the person standing in front of them. Between the wedding and now, I bottled up these feelings because I was already feeling stressed out about my work probation. But last night we met up for dinner and we both agreed that we are wondering if this relationship is still something we both want and that we were both freaked out by the wedding vows. Think the episode of Master and Nun with the Italian wedding.

[00:01:50] Between the wedding and pre-dinner convo, when I was thinking about ending things, it felt like the right call because he stopped being super communicative and it helped me peel away. But since, of course, it turned out it was him thinking things over too. And we're both on the same page about the things that are lacking. Intentionally more sex among other factors.

[00:02:13] I feel like it could be worth it to give it another shot given that we've been through so much together and we hold each other so dearly and care deeply for each other. Can this deep care though turn into sprightly attraction again and the giddiness of the first months? I love him. He loves me, but we're unsure if we can confidently say we can see our forevers together right now.

[00:02:35] But we love each other and we struggle to envision how I can function without his presence given that we have grown so attached and enmeshed in each other's lives. We don't live together, but he is my person at the moment if that makes sense. And we live in a huge fast-paced city, think New York or London, where it's hard to make connections, friends, or date. I feel like we have a good thing going, but I don't know if I'd ever feel like saying forever. Does this mean continuing it is a waste of time? What do we do?

[00:03:05] I feel so scared of making the wrong choice. Especially because of my intense job and feeling like if I'm not with him, who is my comfort and person? I will just be an anxious mess alone. I feel like we can fight for this, but it's like, are we fighting for mediocrity? Or are we fighting for something that can be made into it forever? Or a secret third thing? I don't know. Edits, I do have friends. I just haven't developed very deep friendships in this city.

[00:03:34] Living here for the past two years. I feel like I have the adequate support community to help me through a potential breakup this intense. I'm kind of like in the middle of whether this relationship is worth carrying on or not. The way they're talking, it sounds like they're both on the same page. That it's not quite working for them and maybe they should just move on. But at the same time, if it's just because they've compared themselves to someone's wedding where they're saying their vows to each other.

[00:03:59] Where they've gone away, wrote down all these thoughts and feelings and then in some way performed them in front of everyone. Comparing your relationship like that is always going to bring you down, I think. But something's telling me it's not going to be about these vows. That there's something been going on for a long time. As usual that we see in these kind of stories, right? But Dutchman says, new relationship goal unlocked. Make other people break up over how amazing our love and wedding was.

[00:04:30] Salt Replacement says, I just went to a wedding like this and I'm wondering if it was the same one OP went to. Perfect wedding and best couple ever. Imagine that. Some guy in the UK says, comparison is the thief of joy. Old Host says, came here to say this. I was comparing my relationship and was unhappy. Once I started thinking about what I wanted and what we wanted, suddenly I'm much happier.

[00:04:58] My relationship doesn't need to look like yours for it to be exactly what I want and need. Connect Industry says, I think the bigger problem here is that you're terrified of being alone. In addition to that, it seems like you don't have friends. This is concerning. You should still have autonomy in a life outside of your boyfriend. All other aspects of your life should still get your attention regardless of what relationship you're in. So about the wedding thing. I wonder if this was the first wedding you've ever attended.

[00:05:26] Most weddings are like what you've described. Beautiful vows that make you tear up. An overwhelming sense of love in the room. The couple seems extremely in love. Remember that this is their day to point out all the good things. Some people really are with their soulmate and they profess that in front of others. Other people may not feel that way a few years down the line. Don't compare yourself to that. I think you should continue to have conversations with your partner about the state of your relationship.

[00:05:55] If you two identify that you are not in love, ask yourselves if you ever were and if you can get back to that. If you weren't, can love grow? What would that take? You can come to the conclusion that your boyfriend really is just your best friend that you sleep with and that's okay. If that's the case, you should move on amicably. I hope he says it was the second wedding. The first was a family member who has been with her SO for like 15 plus years.

[00:06:21] So it was more of a formality wedding and not as big and bashful as this one. I really appreciate this answer. I do have friends and hobbies and interests I keep up. I just feel like I would still feel a big hole without him with my nourishing of the other parts of my life. We, me and SO, don't even live together. I live with two friends that I know will be there for me. It's just tough to envision the break basically. Thank you again for taking the time to write all this.

[00:06:49] Wing says, hon, it's my 24th anniversary in November. My husband and I have never re-found a new relationship energy because that shit is fleeting. But what we found is richer, deeper and more than can ever be found in new relationship energy. We're each other's person. When we're in each other's presence, we don't have to hide anything about ourselves. No masking like we have to do in the wider world. I can say the weirdest shit my brain baths out to him and he'll receive it with love and acceptance.

[00:07:19] I do the same for him. He knows all of me and still loves, accepts, supports, cheers for me. Especially the parts of me that I hate. He loves so much. No, we don't try to see how many times we can fuck in a single day anymore. But God, in comparison to knowing we're each other's rock in this world because we've proved it over and over again. I can skip the NRE lust. I can see some of how I've described my relationship and my husband in your words. And I wonder how much you brought too much into the hallmark version of love.

[00:07:49] All passion and floating hearts in the air. Also, I want to say that weddings are an expensive production all about love. With a huge audience that you want to make yourself and your relationship look good to. Don't compare your day-to-day relationship to the polished. To within an inch of its life relationship on the wedding day. Not even apples to oranges. It's apples to jewelry from Tiffany's. So Opie comes in with her update and says, We're now going to take a step back from the relationship.

[00:08:16] I want to work on it and bring the spark back in. But he wants space to think about whether he wants to try with me at all. So it wasn't just about the wedding vows for him. I feel so heartbroken because he was bottling up a lot of issues he felt were present. But did not tell me about. Or if he did, didn't stress they were make or break. I feel like these issues were slash are so so workable. But instead of communicating with me about them and how important they were.

[00:08:44] He's now pointing towards them as a sign that we are incompatible as long-term partners. I think this is an avoidment attachment style thing. He says the relationship can be saved and he loves me very much. And that he is still attracted to me. But he's unsure whether he wants to work on the relationship at all. Given that we are so young. And he's got new things going on. He just started a PhD and is meeting new people. Which I suspect is making him think there's no more room for me. Or our relationship in his life in the same way anymore.

[00:09:12] He voiced that we have jumped into a serious partnership too quickly. And that he wants to have a normal 20s relationship. What? What does that mean? Anyway. The fact that he is thinking about our relationship of more than 3 years. Is something so disposable. And that I need to just be okay with him taking a step back from it all. Kills me. In fact it seems so irrational to me. Although love and relationships never are. Since I know he wouldn't lie to me about loving me. Thinking it's salvageable.

[00:09:42] Nor being attracted. If there's love and hope and attraction. Why not try? I feel like an idiot. Because I could react to all of this in a okay. If you are not 100% sure you want me. Then fuck you. I'm leaving and I don't want you 10 times more way. But instead I'm approaching it in a okay. I will take this period with an open heart. And be the best version of your partner. And hold out hope you choose me again. The second option is torturous. Given that it is me holding out. Choosing to maybe get seriously hurt.

[00:10:11] If he ends things. And also makes me feel anxious throughout the day. As I'm in constant fear. That he's got the power to say. I don't want this actually. I wish he'd say. Let's try again instead. All night says to OP. Girl. I was in a relationship with a man like this. And had the same approach you described in the last paragraph. He's not going to want to try again. Please don't be like me. And have enough will and self respect. To walk away first. Instead of being treated like this.

[00:10:41] OP says damn. Yeah it's hurting myself for ambiguity. And insecurity. Don't want to do this for much longer. What made you decide to not walk away? All night replies saying. As cliche as it is. Love. Made me cling to the hope that he would be better. He didn't. Unfortunately I'd allowed him to come back repeatedly into my life. And each time he managed to convince me he'd changed. All lies. Each time it ended the same way. With him dipping because of various stresses in his life.

[00:11:12] Then coming back a few months later. With a bunch of apologies and excuses. After the last time I said some very cathartic. And very hurtful things to him. So this time I'm pretty sure he won't be back. Hopefully. And you know. As harsh as it sounds. It sounds kind of permanent to me. The way he was backing out of the relationship. And the way that OP described it. That he's got a lot of things going on. Meeting new people etc. But what do you guys make of this one?

[00:11:40] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from expert anybody 2366. And says am I the asshole for excusing to take care of my wife. Since she caught the flu from having sex with her affair partner. Oh dearie me. This is partially a rant. And partially an actual question. I 54 male. Have been married to my wife. Victoria 54 female. For over 32 years.

[00:12:10] We have three adult daughters. And one adult son. Earlier this year. She started menopause. I loved her and supported her throughout this difficult time. She said she didn't want to have sex. Because she felt like she's fat and ugly. I told her she's beautiful. And I was patient with her. As she said she didn't want sex. It was only since this month. That she wanted us to have sex again. I thought things were getting better. Until I saw a condom wrapper in our bedroom.

[00:12:38] My job involves going out of town for business trips. This last trip. I tried to get into my wife's social media. And lucky enough. She used someone's birthday as the password. I found out her affair partner is Zachary. 35 male. A family friend who has a wife. 29 female. So on my trip. I read so many messages. One message involved Zachary. Asking if it's okay to come over. For their fun time. Since he thinks he's coming down with something. Even after getting back in town. I read some messages.

[00:13:08] Zachary messaged that. He and his wife have the flu. So he can't see my wife for a while. My wife said that. Herself getting the flu was worth it. I came home to my wife. Who's suffering from the flu. I immediately told her that I didn't know about her and Zachary. She was upset about two weeks from the flu. To stop me from packing and leaving. She begged me not to leave her alone while she's sick. After I left. My wife has been messaging me. She said she's very sick. I told her to go to the doctor.

[00:13:37] Call an ambulance. Or call someone else. She said she's not dying. But she needs me. She said she can't call our kids. Nor any other family member. Since they're asked why I'm not there. She said that menopause had made her crazy. And that she wouldn't see Zachary anymore. I still haven't gone back. Am I. The arsehole. Nope. Edit. As soon as I found the messages. I was planning on telling Zach's wife. I wanted to tell her face to face.

[00:14:05] I wanted to spare our adult kids the horrible news. But many in the comments made a good point. That my wife could lie to our kids. So I called Zach's wife first. I don't know what's going on in their marriage. Because she believed me right away. I called my kids and talked to them. Like a conference call. I had to unfortunately send some proof to them. I didn't go overboard. Just enough for them to believe me. Obviously they're all upset. I tried to keep it together. As I don't want to vent about their mother to them. Second edits.

[00:14:35] Zach's wife has been messaging me last night. And this morning. She's planning on leaving Zachary anyway. Because Zachary was sleeping with two other women. But the fact that Victoria is a married woman. Who is like a family member speeds things up. Zach's wife made Zachary leave the house. Also. All my kids have called their mother. They're not buying any of their mum's excuses. They all want me to divorce her. Now there isn't really much to say here. You've got everything handled by the sounds of it. And I don't blame you one tiny bit.

[00:15:05] For everything you've done. Especially getting ahead of the game. Before she says. Before she makes up her own little stories. If you know what I mean. I was just blown away. By the absolute cheek of it. That she tried calling you. Because she's feeling ill. And wanted you to care for her. After what she's done. Gee whiz. Absolute cheeky so and so. Mustang says. Call the wife and tell her. Call all your kids and tell them. Before she lies. Do the kids right away.

[00:15:34] See a lawyer right away. Opie says. I would hate to tell my kids. But I have to if their mum will lie to them. The Sani the inspector says. Menopause did not make her cheat. May I order a carton of NyQuil to her. If you're feeling a little compassionate. Opie says. I'll never know what menopause feels like. I've known other women who've gone through it. To my knowledge. Those women have managed to avoid having sex with a married man. Who's a family friend. Go high sweet cherry says. Please see a lawyer. You'd live in a no fault state.

[00:16:04] If not. You might have to take screenshots of the messages etc. Before she deletes them all. I'm sorry. You have to go through this. Opie says. I did take screenshots. I have saved evidence in other ways as well. Whether or not they can be used in court. Is something I'll find out from a lawyer. Go high sweet cherry says. Then please go see one on Monday morning. You need to know if it's a good idea. You leaving the property. Or if she should leave. I know you're hurting.

[00:16:33] But practicalities will mean a lot in the long run. Don't feel sorry for her just because she's got the flu. Feel sorry for yourself. You are so loving and trusting. You didn't see what a disloyal and unfaithful snake you were married to. Not the asshole. Opie says. I have to fight their natural instincts. Which are to feel sorry for her and to take care of her. I will see a lawyer. Restore Furniture says. Single woman here. I take care of myself when I'm sick. She can too. She chose the outcome now.

[00:17:02] She has to lie sick in it. All kinds of ick sleeping with a married man child close to the family. Opie says. She literally chose to have sex with a man. Who warned her that he was coming down with something. Afterwards. She messaged him that their fun was worth getting the flu. I have to remember that in case I feel sorry for her. Promoter says. Yes I know. Anyway remove the questions and post on. But it's rather simple. If you still love her. You should both go to marriage counseling. Then if you think you can forgive her.

[00:17:32] Then do so otherwise get a divorce. Opie says. We will be getting a divorce. Mustang says. She will or say it's because you were verbally abusive. You need to go on the offensive. If you play the good guy. It will come back and kick you in the teeth. Call them now. Show the text about the flu etc. Opie says. I told my kids. I told Zach's wife. So Opie comes in with her update. And says the answer was obvious. But I needed other people to tell me. So I didn't stupidly go back to my wife.

[00:18:00] Thank you for those who commented on the first post. I had made two edits on the first post. Explaining some of the stuff that happened after I posted. To just briefly touch on those edits. Zach's wife and my adult kids know that Victoria had an affair with Zachary. Zach's wife kicked him out of their house. All kids are on my side. And they want us to divorce. I talked to a friend who's a major divorce attorney. And for the third time. I've given her a lot of evidence. So she can decide what we can use. She did say that I should be careful with what I say online.

[00:18:30] Especially as I used Victoria and Zachary's real names. Our kids. Especially our eldest daughter. Are pressuring their mum to make this quick and easy divorce. A lot of people who commented said I was being too nice to my cheating wife. I'll show some pettiness by letting everyone here mock all the excuses. And minimization she made for her cheating. And says.

[00:19:02] What? What the fuck does that mean? Zach's wife isn't like a daughter to us. She didn't betray a woman that's like a daughter to us. Other husbands have forgiven their wives when their wives cheat.

[00:19:30] If I had sex with a younger woman during a midlife crisis. She would have forgiven me. We have four kids. We've been together for so long. I promise to love her in sickness and in health. Desperate not to dream says to Opie. It's interesting how she's refusing to acknowledge any harm she did to the other wife. Opie says Zach's wife is someone Victoria and I watch grow up. She was like her niece. Our eldest daughter was the maid of honor for their wedding.

[00:19:56] Fragrant Opportunity says menopause makes just about every woman gain weight especially in the stomach. I went through about 13 years ago. Never cheated on my husband. Opie says my eldest daughter didn't appreciate it when my wife said that when she goes through menopause she'll understand. Snarky Bean Broth says. Just gonna note that as someone who has gone through the I feel old and fat and ugly stuff without using it as an excuse to cheat. Having feelings about aging can be a real struggle.

[00:20:25] But it's a struggle that is on you. The person struggling to address and fix. I've made peace with my older, slightly chubbier, more grey self. Some of it putting in the emotional labor and some of it by proactively doing stuff, like exercising, to mitigate the changes. I feel unattractive isn't a free pass to check with the public about one's attractiveness in that please vote with your dick kind of way.

[00:20:50] If she needed outside validation beyond you telling her and showing her that you still loved her and found her attractive, there were plenty of ways that didn't involve someone else's dick. Still not the arsehole. I'm saddened for all of you involved in the blast radius of this shit show. Opie says thank you. I was there constantly telling her how beautiful I found her. Why would she need another man to feel better? Purple Loving Brunette says. I'm in the early stages of menopause. It hasn't caused me to cheat.

[00:21:18] It didn't cause my stepmom to cheat. Such a lame excuse on why she cheated. I find it funny. Zach was seeing another woman while he was seeing the married woman. The wife lost everything. I hope her affair partner was worth it. Zach's wife and the husband can be each other's support system. It's so ironic if he and Zach's wife got together. Opie says I'd watch Zach's wife grow up. She was like her niece. It would be icky for a lack of a better term.

[00:21:45] I'm still taken aback by one of the excuses that she used. That Opie's overreacting because Zachary is a family friend and not a family member. Like Opie was going to turn around after that and go oh fucking fair enough then. But what absolutely selfish people. It's like the comments were saying as well. There's not one bit of remorse for what she's done. Not one bit of thinking how she's destroyed another family as well as her own. It just sounds like a lot of me, me, me.

[00:22:13] And Zachary, he's destroyed multiple families. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.