I'm Using My Ex's Grandma's Heirloom Rings As Leverage To Get The Family Dog r/Relationships

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[00:01:05] now today's first story comes from Ringlish Dragon who says,

[00:01:10] I want to trade my soon-to-be ex 38 male by engagement ring for the family dog.

[00:01:17] Soon-to-be ex and I are divorcing after six years. We have two kids, seven months and five years.

[00:01:23] Doesn't want to divorce but is keeping it friendly so far because of the kids.

[00:01:27] We ran into a snag when he moved out and took the family dog, Loki.

[00:01:33] Loki as four and his trained as a therapy dog. I did all of the training and care for Loki.

[00:01:38] I used to take him to visit the patients at two hospice facilities twice a week.

[00:01:43] Soon-to-be ex loves the dog but not as much as I do.

[00:01:48] Also, I will have primary custody and think it'd be best if the kids didn't lose the dog too.

[00:01:53] My five-year-old keeps asking for him and he breaks my heart.

[00:01:57] The issue is that I bought the dog for soon-to-be ex as a Christmas gift.

[00:02:01] Legally, the dog is his. The only leverage I have is my wedding set worth about $8,000.

[00:02:09] They were his grandmas. He and his mother want the set back.

[00:02:13] There was never an agreement to give them back in the event of divorce, spoken or written.

[00:02:18] Legally, the rings were a gift and they are mine. I have no intention of keeping the rings.

[00:02:24] They should stay in the family no matter what, even if I give the rings back.

[00:02:29] They probably will end up going to my son when they are old enough.

[00:02:33] I probably wouldn't think to keep them or use them for bartruth. The divorce wasn't his fault

[00:02:37] but it is entirely his fault. He cheated while I was pregnant so maybe

[00:02:42] angriest clouded my judgement a bit too. Is it really crappy that I hold his dead grandmas

[00:02:48] rings from him unless he gives me back the family dog that I gifted him?

[00:02:52] Any pointers for how this conversation should go down?

[00:02:55] So, the top relevant comments with reply says, someone says Loki is for any strangers a therapy

[00:03:01] dog and there says, whomever Loki is working more or with should get Loki.

[00:03:05] I read the rest no opinion.

[00:03:08] Loki says I trained him, Loki and I go to the hospice twice a week to visit the patient.

[00:03:13] He hasn't been since soon to be ex-took him.

[00:03:16] And then on the end of a marriage and the ex, he says he blames me.

[00:03:20] He thinks I forced him to cheat. I am not a carefree 20 year old he fell in love with.

[00:03:26] I don't give him my full attention now that I have two kids work full time,

[00:03:29] care for the home and have hobbies. He thinks I didn't try hard enough to forgive him when he got caught.

[00:03:35] Now with the cheating and obviously blaming you for the cheating makes him an asshole instantly.

[00:03:42] I mean he really thinks that you forced him to cheat.

[00:03:47] Huh, be very me.

[00:03:49] And you know regardless of him being an asshole or whatever, I can imagine it being very difficult.

[00:03:56] Given up a dog or whatever pet it would be, regardless of the situation of course that's going

[00:04:01] to be difficult. But I kind of think regardless if it was

[00:04:05] gifted to him, it's still the family dog. It was part of the family and to especially see

[00:04:11] your children you know asking for the dog and not considering their feelings and being with

[00:04:16] the majority of the family. And you're going to chuck this thought out there. I'm not sure if it's right or not.

[00:04:21] It could be it might hopefully be wrong and make me look like an asshole but it kind of feels like

[00:04:26] a spiked thing to do that he's keeping the dog you know. Fuck you if you're going to divorce

[00:04:32] I'm going to keep the dog kind of thing regardless of who wants the dog or not.

[00:04:37] But tree top tree says make sure you get something in writing so he can't take Loki again after

[00:04:42] he gets the jewellery. The babes too says first up I commend you on being noble enough to return

[00:04:48] the family heirloom. I think a lot of people will be bitter and hang on to them out of spite.

[00:04:52] Despite your husband's assholery who are doing a good thing. What do you feel guilty about offering

[00:04:58] up the trade? He wronged the marriage and probably took the dog to be hurtful. Since it sounds like

[00:05:03] you're probably most bonded with Loki, tell him you want the dog, the kids want the dog and if he

[00:05:08] can play fair you'll offer up their rings. Another user says my ex gave me a cheap ring as an

[00:05:15] engagement and we used the same ring for my wedding band as well. It had belonged to an aunt who

[00:05:20] had no major attachment to and was a diamond chip and sapphire chip in a thin gold band. Honestly

[00:05:27] I doubt pawnshop would have given me 50 bucks for it. He was a real tool, long story and when we

[00:05:34] finally went to mediation we were in separate rooms with a mediator going between us.

[00:05:39] He wanted the ring back and I more joking than anything. Holder odd given the ring back if he

[00:05:44] took death from third credit card. We had two at 5k and one at 3k and he agreed.

[00:05:50] Mediator legit to really ask me, is your ex like slow? I mean it's like you normal.

[00:05:58] I almost died. Point of fact a few years later his own lawyer asked me the same thing.

[00:06:04] I think it's fair you get the dog with kids. Maybe offered to keep same custody of dog as kids.

[00:06:10] I'm not sure I'd even offered to trade the ring for it unless I had to.

[00:06:14] Now my mind's got me on both sides on the whole returning the ring thing maybe it's basically

[00:06:20] gifted to the OP. At the same time it'd be an an heirloom ring. I wonder how OP gets on with

[00:06:26] the rest of the family, maybe she could return the ring to someone else so if she gets a dog back

[00:06:31] of course and all that sort of stuff. But puppies and sunshine says I've always heard that

[00:06:35] etiquette dictates the rings go away from fault. EG if a woman breaks off an engagement she must

[00:06:40] give her a ring back but it's not expected if the man breaks it off. Of course etiquette is

[00:06:45] bullshit overall but there is social precedence that if he cheated on you you could keep the rings

[00:06:51] if you wanted. Therefore you giving them back is doing him a favour. That plus the fact that you

[00:06:56] have really good reasons for keeping the dog, especially the kid's sake means this should be a fair

[00:07:02] trade, especially if you brought it up with a lawyer. I'm one final comment from Comic Sis who says

[00:07:08] I'm back and forth on this. I get that he cheated what he did was terrible and unforgivable.

[00:07:14] I get that technically the rings are yours now. However I struggle with the fact that the rings

[00:07:19] are heirlooms if anything why don't give them back to him at all even for leverage but rather to

[00:07:24] a mother or sister that may exist so that they can be kept in appropriate fashion. Although you

[00:07:30] may be angry given them back to him would be dishonoring the memory of the deceased by giving

[00:07:34] them back to a family member has done terrible things while utilizing them. Now onto the dog situation

[00:07:41] you gave him a dog as a gift just like any gift it's his choice what to do with said gift.

[00:07:46] If you wanted the dog for yourself you should have bought it solely for yourself instead of for him.

[00:07:51] If you want the dog you should come to some sort of legal verbal or possible monetary agreement.

[00:07:58] I know that you're just a firebly angry however remember that you're the example for the children

[00:08:03] through this tough time you've got to deal with the entirety of the situation in a clear and decisive

[00:08:09] manner as a child of divorce I implore you to put your anger aside and get this done quickly

[00:08:15] and leave your anger out of it or find a way to deal with it constructively because regardless

[00:08:20] of what occurred and how you may feel you don't want your children caught in the middle of it.

[00:08:25] Find a middle ground and deal with a dog in a way that won't escalate or keep the door to the

[00:08:30] situation open best of luck. So OP came back into the post with her update and says

[00:08:37] I talked to Soon to be ex that night about our oldest son 5.

[00:08:41] Our son has been asking for his daddy and our dog Loki since Soon to be ex moved out three months ago

[00:08:47] Soon to be ex has only come to visit twice. I told him that we missed the dog and I thought

[00:08:53] the son would have just better if Loki came back to us. I told him I also missed taking Loki to the

[00:08:58] hospice center twice a week he's a therapy dog. He got mad, accused me of trying to guilt him

[00:09:04] into giving back a 5 year old dog. He reminded me that I got in the dog for him for Christmas

[00:09:10] so I offered him the trade his grandma's diamond engagement ring and wedding ring for the dog

[00:09:15] he refused and accused me of holding his dead grandmother's rings for ransom and said

[00:09:20] I wanted to take everything from him. Blah blah yesterday his mother came to visit my kids

[00:09:26] we have a very good relationship she's a lovely woman in a tough position

[00:09:31] she's mad at ex for cheating on me while pregnant and destroying our marriage but she has to take

[00:09:36] his side but still she wants to protect her own interests too access to her grandchildren

[00:09:43] but I'm divorcing her son not her we had a lovely visit and I asked her to talk to her son

[00:09:48] about giving Loki back turns out that ex has been complaining about the dog nonstop

[00:09:54] he's four and has very high energy he's used to working two days a week and getting two walks

[00:09:59] ex moved in with his new girlfriend and she hates the dog there is no yard and she doesn't help

[00:10:04] with any of Loki's care she agreed that Loki belonged with me in her grandson but was hesitant to

[00:10:10] get involved because ex loves Loki too and technically the dog was a gift to him I told her that

[00:10:16] because something was a gift didn't always mean the receiver should keep it with that I pulled off

[00:10:21] my wedding set her mothers and gave them back to her she was Terry and grateful and said she couldn't

[00:10:28] promise anything I told her I just appreciate her speaking the ex about it it was a gamble on my

[00:10:34] part but she's always done right by me and divorcing her mum as boy does have some advantages

[00:10:41] extra Loki often hour ago and we're also overjoyed

[00:10:45] edit I cannot believe how this blew up thanks everyone for the nice comments I'm blessed with a very

[00:10:52] wonderful mother-in-law that has been nothing but supportive of me she was a god send when I had my

[00:10:56] youngest we're gonna work hard to preserve our relationship we need each other more than ever now

[00:11:03] I already called her crying thank you enough for shaming her son I'm glad to offer a good mother-in-law

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[00:12:00] and as always a couple of comments with opi replying to them someone says hey good on you for

[00:12:04] taking the high road even if it sometimes feels like you're giving in I think there's great benefits

[00:12:10] to keeping this relationship as cordial as possible that's great that grandma's got your back

[00:12:15] opi quotes at last but in says she's a fantastic woman any woman will be lucky to have her as a

[00:12:20] mother-in-law one of the hardest things about this was to figure out how our relationship would

[00:12:24] change but I don't think it has to she's always been very supportive of me especially this i can't

[00:12:32] take her only grandchildren away when she's so good to us another one says what a piece of garbage

[00:12:38] your exes he's only seen his kid twice in seven months opi says yeah ex likely idea of having kids

[00:12:45] the reality not so much it's disappointing that he doesn't take advantage of the visitation

[00:12:50] this morning he just texted me from the street to come get the dog I invited him in but he was

[00:12:55] palting and didn't want to see the kids all deal with my son subsequent meltdown when he tried to

[00:13:00] leave his new girlfriend wenty was in the car or so happy at the time to have the dog back but now

[00:13:08] i'm really annoyed that he was such a jerk about giving the dog back and he brought his girlfriend

[00:13:12] to our house it's a roller coaster to be sure anyone else get the feeling that he intentionally

[00:13:18] brought the girlfriend round at the same time to also maybe try and rub it in a bit you know i've

[00:13:24] moved on kind of thing obviously I don't know that for sure but it doesn't seem like

[00:13:31] normal behavior for me to do that kind of thing and i'm not gonna lie I was a little bit worried

[00:13:35] about mother-in-law at one point when opi and i quote opi where i said she's mad at the ex for cheating

[00:13:41] on me while pregnant and destroying our marriage but she has to take his side and i was like oh really

[00:13:46] my my first thoughts were that you know she can still be there for him but also be disappointed at him

[00:13:52] as well and not take his side because he is the one that destroyed the marriage etc and all this

[00:13:56] sort of stuff but of course i'm glad mother-in-law did swing it back around and like opi said it's

[00:14:02] refreshing to see a nice mother-in-law outcome to the story here but what do you guys make of this

[00:14:09] situation what do you think about the initial part of the story what would you do in that

[00:14:14] situation but let's know your thoughts down in the comments below let's move on to another story

[00:14:20] and our next story comes from a deleted user who says am i the asshole here for not moving out

[00:14:27] so my roommate can get his sister's kids out of foster care and this was from the am i the

[00:14:31] asshole here subreddit and says my roommate and i rent a pretty nice two bedroom apartment together

[00:14:38] we pay practically nothing in rent as we have a deal to keep an eye on things and take care of

[00:14:42] facilities it's a great deal because it doesn't take more than a few hours a week and we take turns

[00:14:48] my roommate sister lost custody of her kids do girls one boy and maybe facing prison time

[00:14:55] my roommate wants to get him out of the foster system since they got put in separate homes

[00:15:00] my roommate is their own the other family their dad's aunt in the picture so there's no one

[00:15:05] else that can take them in social worker gave him some requirements and has issues with me because

[00:15:10] i'm an unrelated adult man and because i have a record of substance abuse also because the ages

[00:15:17] of the kids my roommate needs to have at least two bedrooms he cannot afford a two bedroom place

[00:15:22] except this one because of the great deal we get which is why he wants me to move out

[00:15:28] he says the fact is he needs the apartment more than me i get that he isn't a bad position

[00:15:34] but rent is insanely expensive around here if i moved out renting even a single bedroom

[00:15:39] elsewhere would be way more expensive than renting this apartment by myself i'd like to keep

[00:15:45] living here so i can save money so i can hopefully one day be able to buy a place in my own

[00:15:50] that's just never going to happen if i have to pay market rate rent i was also living here first

[00:15:56] so i don't feel like it's fair that i should be the one to move there's some of the relevant

[00:16:00] comments we reply is isn't your great deal for rent has a taking care of things condition

[00:16:06] assume having three kids at home maybe a deal breaker for the landlord anyway

[00:16:10] regardless if he can't afford to take the kids in he shouldn't

[00:16:14] happy honest this is a heartbreaking situation and not leaving the house will make you feel like an

[00:16:19] asshole but you're entitled to be an asshole given the circumstances hope he says i don't know

[00:16:25] about the landlord but taking care of things doesn't really take that much time at all

[00:16:30] commercial curve says depending on the ages of the kids since they are different sexes

[00:16:35] they may be required to have separate rooms so your roommate would actually need a three bedroom

[00:16:40] place that was the concern when we were contemplating getting some nibbling's place with us

[00:16:45] who he says their social worker just said at least two bedrooms no name says your roommate may

[00:16:51] also be eligible for a stipend if he provides foster care for the kids that stipend can go towards

[00:16:57] paying for a suitable place hope he says no he's family so he doesn't wow he says the social

[00:17:04] service is going to be paying him like a regular foster family if so Kenny afford a new place

[00:17:10] hope he says no i guess relatives don't get money but he's going to apply for snap snap is

[00:17:16] supplemental nutrition assistance program curiously searching says i was mum living with these kids

[00:17:23] he could move there with them instead not sure what our living situation was before a loss of

[00:17:27] custody but the kids were somewhere not the asshole hoping for the best for your friend and his

[00:17:32] kiddos though hope he says no an option dog bite not dimple says your roommate needs to talk

[00:17:39] to a social worker to get set up for housing food stamps medicaid daycare whatever he needs to

[00:17:44] do to care for these children other grandparents around can they assist in some way it seems like

[00:17:50] there should be other family members who could help with the situation hope he says as i said

[00:17:55] my roommate is their only family so op comes in with a first update and shares the original link

[00:18:02] to the first person says this is a pretty short update i got a suggestion a few times that

[00:18:06] i should talk to my landlord about the situation since that he may not be okay with the idea

[00:18:11] while he was okay with the idea of kids he already has a lot of tenants with kit who is not

[00:18:16] okay with continuing the same arrangement with my roommate without me there so there's really no

[00:18:21] point in me moving out since my roommate would have to pay market rate rent for the place which

[00:18:25] you can't afford as of right now my roommate plans on to continue living here while he figures

[00:18:30] out some other arrangement once he does he's going to move out and i'm going to get a new roommate

[00:18:36] here some days later op comes in with another update and says i didn't think i was going to make

[00:18:42] another update but some stuff happened and i kind of need a place to vent you can go to my profile

[00:18:47] and read my previous post if you don't know the story i said in my last update that my roommate

[00:18:52] was going to continue to live here until he figured out some other arrangement that would work

[00:18:57] out for the four of them had passed on some of the helpful suggestions and sources people message me

[00:19:03] upon further research though you realize it was going to take time and it will be fast of him to

[00:19:08] save up money for a deposit in first and last month rent on a new place and then get assistance

[00:19:14] once the kids were moved in honestly i don't really get how it works for those wondering why he doesn't

[00:19:20] have money saved up from living here because he's been using the money to pay off his student loans

[00:19:25] so plan was for him to hopefully have enough in four to five months my roommate started to become

[00:19:31] more and more hostile though first just pass have aggressive but it led to a big blowout nothing

[00:19:37] physical just yelling he was really mad because he thought since i have such a good relationship

[00:19:42] with our landlord i should have tried to convince him that he could handle the maintenance on his own

[00:19:47] honestly it probably could now i can handle it on my own i almost considered it too because

[00:19:53] i didn't think i wanted to continue to live with him after talking to my landlord about the situation

[00:19:58] again we came to a new agreement my landlord is going to be ending our lease he gave us both

[00:20:05] official notice i'm going to continue living here but moving into another unit there's a one

[00:20:10] bedroom in a bit smaller but on the bright side it was recently renovated so it's nicer

[00:20:15] i'm going to have to do the maintenance on my own from now on but it's still a really great deal

[00:20:21] and worth it to not have to deal with roommate issues anymore thankfully i will be able to move

[00:20:26] into the new unit in just a few days because my old roommate was super pissed after he got the notice

[00:20:32] use more than a few expletives when talking to me and says we're in everything because now he

[00:20:36] won't be able to save money since he's going to have to start paying rent somewhere to be honest

[00:20:41] with how he's been i saw her lost sympathy for him i do still feel bad for the sisters kids though

[00:20:47] oh that's just an incredibly sad situation whenever we get stories with kids involved it always

[00:20:52] absolutely breaks my heart and look no excuses for the roommate being an asshole here because you

[00:20:58] know shouting yelling gets someone trying to force your way instantly makes you the asshole

[00:21:04] right or wrong i can't help but feel empathy for him in his situation though i can

[00:21:08] i can only imagine the panic and the feelings around this you know trying to get those children

[00:21:13] in your care out of a foster system you know it sounds like these children have already had a rough time

[00:21:20] and i think it left me with more questions than anything like if he did taking these children

[00:21:25] and the other guy moved out which i which to me i you know i don't think was the right decision anyway

[00:21:31] what would happen after he's going to be able to look after these children if you're struggling

[00:21:35] to pay like the full market rent taking in three children with the food to care the clothes

[00:21:41] medication various insurances everything that comes along with caring for children

[00:21:47] oh man it's just that's just incredibly fucking rough again no excuses for being an asshole

[00:21:53] to open the situation at all i get where they're coming from and i get why they lost sympathy for

[00:21:59] the roommate at the same time as well like i said no excuses i think it's just a real sad situation

[00:22:06] all around but what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments

[00:22:14] below that's just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's

[00:22:18] stories your love your support your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so

[00:22:24] much and hopefully i'll see you in the next one take care and much love

[00:22:44] you

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