I'm Shutting My Sister Out Of My Families Lives & Declining Her Wedding Invitation r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Als Kind ist einfach alles um einen herum riesengroß. Kinder haben Bedürfnisse, die man als Erwachsener zum Teil falsch einschätzt. Verschenkt man zum Beispiel eine Babypuppe, ist diese oft zu groß für kleine Kinderhände. Als Einstieg für Kinder ab einem Jahr eignet sich daher viel besser die Babyborn Lena in 36 cm. Sie lässt sich leicht herumtragen und ist mit ihren altersgerechten Spielfunktionen perfekt auf die kleinsten zugeschnitten. Füttern, spielen, Fläschchen geben und aufs Töpfchen gehen – alles kinderleicht!

[00:00:36] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from OkFem and it says, am I the arsehole here for shutting my sister out of my family's lives and declining her wedding invitation?

[00:01:05] I told them to me and harassed my son Mark. They speculated about his sexuality, called him slurs and even used the N word with a hard R. All for their entertainment. When Mark came home, he was crying, shaking and yelling as he tried to tell me what happened. It was heartbreaking. I immediately approached my sister to address the issue. I explained Mark's side of the story and the state he was in, but she dismissed it.

[00:01:31] She claimed her daughter and her friends would never act that way. She didn't even offer to talk to Nikki. This wasn't an isolated incident. A few months before, Nikki kicked Mark in the genitals in front of her friends as a joke. When I demanded an explanation and an apology, Nikki refused, started crying and claimed it was unfair to hold her accountable, even as Mark was still in pain.

[00:01:55] Nikki also has a history of mean-spirited behavior, such as calling my younger son Corey, then 6 years old, the annoying child, instead of his name. Corey has asked me why she does this and shared how much it upsets him. In the case of Mark, my sister has doubled down, claiming that one of Nikki's friends, the one who used the N word, couldn't possibly be racist because she's Mexican. Her exact words were, I don't know what you want me to do about this.

[00:02:23] That was the final straw for me. I told her that if she wasn't willing to address the issue, it was in my family's best interest to distance ourselves. Three days later, she called me. She said she spoke to Nikki and told me, we're good on my end. No details, no resolution, just that. When I followed up via email asking what was discussed and what actions would be taken, she never responded. To this day, no apology has been offered, not from my sister, Nikki, or the other kids involved.

[00:02:52] I informed my extended family about the situation and my decision to keep my kids away from my sister's family, while some were supportive. Others, including my mother, have tried to undermine this boundary. One time, my mom secretly took my kids to spend time with my sister's family without my permission. I only found out because my younger son mentioned it. I was furious and drove an hour to pick them up immediately. Fast forward to today. I received criticism for maintaining this boundary.

[00:03:20] My sister is now getting married and invited us to the wedding, but I declined. My mother even asked if she could take my kids to the wedding, and I flatly said no. There has been no effort from my sister to apologize or reconcile. The only time she reached out to me after the incident was to add me to a group chat if we could take her to a birthday party in Chicago. No mention of the harm she caused. I'm standing firm in my decision to protect my kids, but I've been labeled as overly harsh and unforgiving.

[00:03:49] Am I the arsehole? Absolutely not the arsehole in this situation. You're not being unforgiving. You're being a good parent by showing your kids they deserve to be protected from abuse, even when it comes from family. You know, they're showing exactly who they are. People who think racist slurs and physical assault are jokes, and who refuse to apologize for hurting children and expect you to just get over it. You know, sod that stuff.

[00:04:16] But the first commenter said to OP, blocking them will allow you to protect yourself from further manipulation or guilt trips. OP says, I blocked her and removed myself from chat groups five years ago. I only found out last week that she had asked my brother for my info so she could send me an invitation to her wedding. The commenter says, you should apologize to your mom and say this. I'm sorry you raised an arsehole daughter who is well on her way to raise an arsehole granddaughter. Was your sister the golden child growing up? OP says, let's see.

[00:04:46] I was 15 sleeping in my room when my mom woke me up after midnight, screaming and yelling about my sister not being home. She snuck out of the house to be with her boyfriend. My mom threw me out of her house that night and tossed all my clothes onto the lawn. I was punished for my sister's actions. Yes, my sister is the golden child. Commenter says, since you've never got an apology, how can you be unforgiving? OP says, I ask myself this question more often than necessary. Since I'm a big part of a Catholic family.

[00:05:16] That word gets hurled in my direction all the time. The commenter says, everyone sucks here. Your sister and niece acted atrociously. And you were right to cut them both out of your family's lives. But why did it take so long? Your son was physically assaulted. And yet for months after you thought he should still spend time with his cousin. Why? Better late than never. But you shouldn't have been late when it came to protecting your child from a bully. OP says, I did ask if he wanted to stay there. I never forced him to go.

[00:05:45] You're not wrong though. And five years later, I still haven't forgiven myself for this. So sometime later, OP comes in with her update and says, I'd like to start by reminding everyone that I am a mom. My time on Reddit is limited. I can pop in for a quick one line response in the morning. But once my kids are awake, I'm fully in mom mode until they're asleep again. This is why my posts and updates tend to happen late at night. For those claiming this post is fake, think what you want. I'm not wasting my energy convincing you otherwise.

[00:06:14] My daily life is already exhausting, especially with the added family pressure I'm dealing with. To provide some context, this situation started five years ago. My relationship with my mother wasn't great to begin with. After she secretly took my kids to spend time with my sister, I distanced my family from her too. About a week later, my mom reached out to apologize and took steps towards reconciliation. A few months after that, I started allowing her back into our lives. But I set firm boundaries.

[00:06:42] For instance, she's not allowed to take my kids anywhere without me. For the next year, I avoided large family gatherings to steer clear of my sister. However, three years after the incident, we attended a funeral where my sister and her family were present. My youngest, who was only two at the time of the original events, didn't even remember them. Today, he's curious and might want to get to know them. But Mark has no interest. He'll smile politely in shared spaces, but that's it.

[00:07:10] Corey remembers hearing the annoying child, but doesn't realize it was directed at him. Over the years, we've had minimal interaction with my sister's family during shared events. Mostly just nods of acknowledgement. Still, no apologies or meaningful attempts to reconcile have ever come from my sister. This year, the pressure from extended family has been relentless, with my brother being the most vocal. He insists I need to squash my feud because family events aren't the same.

[00:07:38] After last night, I realized getting everyone in a room to address this was impossible. So I sent a message in our family group chat. I explained that while some might not fully grasp the impact of what happened, it was deeply hurtful and damaging to my family. I also asked them to focus on this special time for my sister while respecting my boundaries and leaving my family out of it. I made it clear that if anyone couldn't respect my boundaries, I would have no choice but to distance myself from them as well. This prompted some quick responses like,

[00:08:08] I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that way, and I wasn't trying to pressure you. It's been five years of uncomfortable moments, family jabs, and constant pressure for the sake of keeping the peace. It's been draining, but I want to sincerely thank this community for the advice and support you've given me over the last 24 hours. The renewed energy to stand firm in my decision has meant more than I can express. That comment in the middle of this story where OP said that the sister was the golden child,

[00:08:36] and OP was thrown out of the house and all their clothes tossed onto the lawn. That 15 years old and having to deal with that kind of stuff is just heartbreaking for OP. It just brings the question in my head, what else has OP gone through in their life for that to be one event? What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below, and let's move on to another story.

[00:09:05] Now, our next story comes from a throwaway account, and it says, Would I be the asshole if I don't tell my wife that her best friend tried to kiss me? I've been married to my wife for two years. She and her best friend have been friends for more than 15 years, way before I met my wife or her, and to be honest, I never saw or noticed ever that my wife's friend has something for me. Her friend and I have been alone quite often, and not once did she try to make a move. It has always been platonic.

[00:09:34] Her friend I will call her Lynn. For obvious reasons, Lynn and I have been close. Not that close, but close enough to consider each other as friends. And I didn't have a problem with it. Neither did my wife. Lynn visits us almost every week or twice a month, give or take. My wife doesn't drink, but I do, and Lynn does. So whenever she visits us, we both drink and spend time together. Sometimes she brings her boyfriend, sometimes she comes alone. But two days ago, Lynn showed up at our home drunk.

[00:10:02] She was so drunk she couldn't even walk properly. I still am surprised how she drove herself to our place. I asked her to come inside and she was crying, crying so damn much I thought something bad had happened to her. I tried to comfort her, but she just hugged me and kept saying that she wished she could find a man like me and all of her boyfriends dumped her and kept talking gibberish. I just stood still and let her vent. But suddenly, she started kissing me. And I was shocked for a moment, but I shook her off of me

[00:10:32] and asked her what that was about. She said she was sorry and I asked her to stay away. She kept crying and apologizing, but I asked her to stay away. After a lot of talking and her venting, I knew I can't let her drive, so I dropped her off. And when my wife got back, she asked me why Lynn's car's here. I told her everything except the kissing part. Since then, Lynn has been texting me a lot and giving me a lot of explanation and begging me not to tell my wife. And she will not repeat the same mistake.

[00:11:01] And she genuinely thinks it was a mistake or so I think. She keeps saying that if I do tell my wife, she will lose her best friend. I haven't replied to her yet and I didn't tell my wife either. But I am kind of scared right now. On one hand, I don't want my wife to lose her best friend if she really has made a genuine drunken mistake. Because she was really fucking drunk. But on the other hand, I shouldn't be hiding stuff from my wife. And if it ever comes out, my wife will probably stop trusting me. I'm kind of stuck here. I know she'll be hurt, but should I hurt her?

[00:11:32] It's no affair or sleeping if she was under the influence. And if we can bury it all up and move, and me and Al stay away from each other going forward.

[00:12:06] And in the future starten. Mehr auf allianz.de slash deinweg. Would. Unfortunately, you're going to be the asshole in this situation unless you tell your wife immediately. Because once this all does come out, and it will at some point, like you said, your wife won't trust you. And it'd be two betrayals. Her best friend's actions and her husband's silence. And she's trying to manipulate you into silence by making it about losing her best friend.

[00:12:34] And then bombarding you with text messages to try and control the narrative that's going on. And not only that, what she did is sexual assault. And it's inexcusable, drunk or not. And the longer you keep this away from your wife, the worse it's going to be. It's that simple. A commenter says, you're the asshole. You should have told your wife everything. Opie says, yes, I agree. And I still want to. I feel bad. It's like I'm cheating or something. That's the way I've been feeling. And I was thinking if Lynn has genuinely made a mistake,

[00:13:04] then I shouldn't break her and my wife's friendship as long as we stay away from each other going forward. I know my wife wouldn't take it well. She'd be devastated if she found out. She trusts both of us. And I want to spare her the suffering if I can, which is why I withheld. This is so confusing to be honest. I shouldn't have let Lynn inside. Just dropped her off to her place and called it a day. Commenter says, not the asshole, but you've got to tell your wife. Otherwise, you won't ever be safe again alone in a room with Lynn. If you let this slide,

[00:13:34] she will only get bolder. Whether your wife doubts your story or accepts it, everything is better than living the rest of your life in fear of being assaulted again. Then be seen as the wrongdoer. Opie says, I will never ever share a room alone with Lynn. I will keep my distance from her in minimal contact. The only thing I'm concerned about right now is how my wife will react. Another commenter says, it's hilarious. You think your wife wouldn't already be pissed that you kept it from her for a week. Keeping secrets about who kisses you from your partner isn't a good idea.

[00:14:04] And one more commenter says, you're the asshole. You're not making your wife lose her best friend. You're simply giving your wife the necessary information she needs to make a choice she's entitled to make. Your wife is perfectly capable to weigh in all the excuses you're making up for a friend. She was drunk. She apologized. She was lonely herself and can choose to forgive her friend if she wants. She doesn't need you to take that choice away from her. Also save a copy of all her friend's messages right now so she can't spin it as you instigating the kiss. So sometime later,

[00:14:34] OP came in with an update and said, I decided to tell my wife everything. I thought about it a lot and decided I should tell her everything instead of hiding it. TLDR, my wife's best friend, showed up at my place. She was very drunk. I helped her but she was so drunk she kissed me. But she couldn't even walk properly so I dropped her off. I told my wife everything except that her friend kissed me. So after a lot of thinking and finding a way to get past all this, I decided to tell my wife. When I told my wife everything, she was pissed, angry like never before.

[00:15:04] She asked me why did I hide it from her? Why didn't I tell her? I said I was scared. I hoped that I couldn't hide it all and I didn't want to lose you to your lifelong friend over a mistake. Then I realized that if I continue to hide the truth from you, I might end up losing you and I don't want to lose you. My wife asked me if I ever cheated on her. I said I never cheated and never will. She started crying and said, how can I betray her when she trusted me so much? I hugged her and said, I never betrayed her and I will never betray her.

[00:15:34] I'm coming clean because I don't want to lose you. I was shocked as you are right now when she kissed me. My wife, after she stopped crying, said that I'm not allowed to talk to any of her friends and to stay away from other women except our family members. My wife also asked me to block Lynn. When I asked her what she will do, she said it's between her and Lynn and I don't have to worry about it. She demanded an open phone policy and complete transparency from me. I agreed. She said if I ever tried to hide anything from her, no matter what it is,

[00:16:04] she will leave me. I agreed because I don't ever want to hide anything from her. I don't know what happened and what both of them talked about and my wife wouldn't tell me either. All she says is, none of my business. She's still super pissed at me and I tried my best to make her happy and ended up doing embarrassing private stuff for her, which I never was and still uncomfortable to do so, but at least my wife is happy. I do not know what else I could have done, but I tried my best and gave it all. I came clean, told her everything,

[00:16:34] did everything she asked from me and tried my best to please her. She's still angry, but at least she's with me and isn't leaving me unless I make another stupid ass mistake. Uh, something's not quite right here in my opinion. You know, your wife is punishing you for being sexually assaulted. Let's be clear here that she drove to your house drunk and then forced herself on you. You actually rejected her advances and did come clean to your wife in the end. The wife's response in this is isolating you from all women, demanding access to your phone

[00:17:04] and force you to do embarrassing private stuff that you're uncomfortable with. In some ways, it doesn't seem like she's mad at Lynn at all. She's mad at you and you're the one that was assaulted and now she's using it to control your behavior. The fact that you're being forced to do things that you're uncomfortable with to sort of prove your loyalty is quite scary to be honest. And the first commenters asking the same question, they said, why is she pissed at you? You literally didn't do anything from what you've written here. I think it's time for couples counseling to address

[00:17:33] why she's blaming you for a friend's betrayal. Opie said, probably because I didn't tell her the truth and tried to hide it from her. I didn't blame her. Another commenter says, what does kiss mean in this context? A quick peck on your cheeks or a long kiss on the lips with more involved? Crucial info regarding why she is mad at you. Opie says, she was drunk and kissed me on the lips until I pushed her away from me. I dropped her off too because I couldn't let her drive when she couldn't even walk properly. The commenter replies that saying that doesn't really explain the expectation

[00:18:03] that you have no contact with women outside the family. She's taking this a bit too far in trying to address the bad behavior of others by controlling you. Opie responded saying, yeah, I know, she's taking it too far, but can I blame her? She's obviously hurt because she trusted me and a friend to the point she was comfortable with us both spending time together even when we were alone. A best I can do right now is agree to a demand until my wife calms down. I tried to hide it from my wife but I was scared that it might blow up in my face

[00:18:31] and now that I came clean, it's blew up in my face so the best I can do is let her calm down and until then, I do what she asks. Way better than losing my wife for something I didn't even do. Absolutely not. I think Opie needs to really reconsider things at the moment that they're being abused themselves now by their wife after they were sexually assaulted in the first place. That's hugely concerning and I really hope Opie does recognize the situation that they're in sometime soon. But what do you guys make

[00:19:01] of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from the Am I the Asshole subreddit from NoWillingness3090 and says, Am I the Asshole for telling my mother-in-law if she keeps rearranging my kitchen, she can get a hotel room. I 29 female am married to a wonderful man, 30 male, who is also the brother of my best friend. Our heights are very different with me being 6'6 and him being 5'7.

[00:19:31] All of his family are on the short side and it led to some adjustments in our living arrangements at first but we found what worked for us. We realized early on that it was easier for him to use a step stool to reach what he needed in the kitchen than for me to constantly be crouching to get what I need as that gets painful quickly for me. This was fine until my mother-in-law came to stay with us two weeks ago. Her roof needs repairs. My husband and I have a spare room while my best friend doesn't so it was only logical she come stay with us. She has constantly

[00:20:00] been moving things about in the kitchen, lowering items as she doesn't want to use a step stool which isn't anything to do with her age or fearing that she are 4 just doesn't want to. She keeps harping on about how it's ridiculous everything is so high up and it's rude for guests. My husband has repeatedly shut her down stating my comfort matters more than theoretical guests and asks her not to move things. She lets it go for a day then things are moved again. I express frustration to my husband about this

[00:20:29] and the final straw came today when I went to make myself a coffee and could not find my coffee mugs anywhere. It took me 5 minutes to find them in my kitchen and I found them in the lower cabinet that I had to kneel to get them out of. I was angry and snappish at this as my back had hurt from getting my mug and I told her if she couldn't stop herself from rearranging my kitchen she could get a hotel room as I've had enough of her entitlement. This led to a lot of blustering and some tears that she was just trying to make it make more sense and how this is her son's home

[00:20:59] and how it's just a little reorganization and that we shouldn't all suffer just because I'm tall. She then also began to say how I'm heartless to expect her to stay in a hotel over the holidays. My husband was clearly uncomfortable at this and didn't want his mother upset but he told her that it wasn't just his home but mine too and if she wouldn't respect my comfort and happiness then she would have to leave. She's went into the guest room and I can hear her still crying. My husband is clearly getting anxious and upset over this but he's not backing down

[00:21:28] and I feel awful that my snapping led to him feeling like this. Maybe I should have just put up with it or been more gentle about how I dealt with it. I honestly don't care that she's upset which may make me sound heartless but I hate that my husband is feeling this way. Absolutely not the asshole in this situation. For a start you're doing a favor. If I was in her position and you invited me into your place and I was staying there I'd just be thrilled about that. I wouldn't be requesting that you move anything in your house. In fact I'd be trying to make things as easy

[00:21:58] for you while I was there remembering that you're doing me a favor. This is exactly what you said it is. It's entitlement and I'm glad that your husband has your back. Her solution is very simple. She just needs to shut the fuck up basically but Alton Cardinal says not the asshole. You stood up for yourself and gave a fair warning. I believe you've been quite patient. I appreciate that your husband is uncomfortable but so be it. Sometimes life is uncomfortable. She had plenty of opportunities to stop complaining and to stop moving things around

[00:22:27] before you drew this line. Express appreciation for your husband and just let her sit with it. To be honest I'd be wondering about past interactions with her. She seems to almost take offense to your height somehow and I wonder if anything has ever come up about your fit with your husband. The optics of such a statuesque person or whatnot. People are weird. Opie says oh she has always hated my height especially the fact that I'm most comfortable in six inch heels. The thing my husband adores.

[00:22:56] I've been best friends with her daughter since high school so even before I was with her son I knew her. She made quite a few comments about how I should wear flats to prom to fit in better and also about how I wouldn't wear heels to her daughter's wedding. Another commenter says not the arse of the house belongs to you and your husband so stuff should be arranged however the two of you agree it should be arranged. Her mother-in-law needs to be grateful she has family with the capacity to take her in during her roof repairs. Since your main concern is how this is affecting your husband maybe the two of you

[00:23:26] should have a date night or something and get away from his mum for a few hours. A commenter asked for info they said wait are your coffee mugs normally up so high that your five foot seven husband has to use a step stool to reach them? Obi says absolutely not. I see a few people getting confused over this and I think how I wrote this post has led to confusion. He needs the step stool to access part of the kitchen storage that is more convenient for me. But commonly used items are not that high. And there was a couple of comments on this one saying oh maybe there's some sort of

[00:23:56] compromise for this with the mother-in-law other people were just shutting that down and saying no you know you need to shut down that entitlement now but what would you do in this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being involved truly it's absolutely amazing and I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.