I'm Refusing To Walk DIL Down The Aisle Or Give A Speech At Their Wedding r/Relationships

[00:00:35] [SPEAKER_03]: Hey Waffle Gang! I do have your word!

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, my name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

[00:00:42] [SPEAKER_03]: And if you do love a Reddit story why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe

[00:00:45] [SPEAKER_03]: that notification bell too, and let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:50] [SPEAKER_03]: Much love guys.

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_03]: Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account from the Am I The Arsehole subreddit

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_03]: and says, am I the arsehole for not wanting to walk her down the aisle or lie in a

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_03]: speech?

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_03]: I, 41 male, have two kids with my ex-wife, 42 female.

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_03]: A son John, 22 and a daughter Sally, 20.

[00:01:11] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm remarried to my wife, 28.

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm very close with my kids.

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_03]: My son is engaged to Abby.

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_03]: She seems nice but has been a bit pushy trying to create relationships with me and

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_03]: my wife.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_03]: Though she's also awkward with her.

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_03]: Abby isn't close to her family.

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_03]: She told us many stories while some of her complaints don't seem awful.

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_03]: It's not my place to judge and I didn't live it so I can't know anyway.

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_03]: We've tried to be welcoming but Abby has forced her way into some family traditions

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_03]: where she wouldn't have been invited, and somewhere no one outside of a specific

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_03]: family would have.

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_03]: She's been calling Sally sis since they were only dating a few months.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_03]: As an odd sister slash mother-in-law thing she does with my wife, and the one I'm

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_03]: not a fan of wants me to be like a father to her.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_03]: Not because we've clicked or anything, we are very different people.

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_03]: Not saying that in a bad way, just saying it's not based on how we get along or

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_03]: anything.

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_03]: My kids and I have a tradition when they come over that we have a private catch

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_03]: up in my office slash study before they leave.

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_03]: Which is now even more important to them because while they both get along well

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_03]: with my wife, they don't want to have personal conversations around her yet.

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_03]: Abby asked if we could talk and after I explained the tradition John later asked

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_03]: that I do it.

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_03]: Saying he'd never had a caring conversation with her dad.

[00:02:32] [SPEAKER_03]: We compromised that I didn't include her in the tradition but do join the two

[00:02:36] [SPEAKER_03]: of them for coffee and let her talk.

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_03]: Then she started calling me dad.

[00:02:41] [SPEAKER_03]: They weren't even engaged yet.

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_03]: John pulled me aside and begged me to give her that.

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_03]: Laid this whole thing on me about me always being the dad she wanted right in

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_03]: front of her and she just wanted that.

[00:02:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Told me she cried watching me and Sally together.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_03]: She still gives me random hugs.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm a lucky dad.

[00:03:00] [SPEAKER_03]: I didn't like it but I do feel bad so fine I gave her that.

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_03]: She wants me to walk her down the aisle and the father slash daughter dance.

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't want to walk her down and I walk with a cane so dancing is hard.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_03]: At my own wedding I only dance twice.

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_03]: John is begging for me to do one.

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_03]: Preferably the aisle.

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_03]: They came over Sunday.

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_03]: John and I were talking.

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_03]: I thought to address it when I walked in without knocking.

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_03]: Ask him if he'd told me yet.

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_03]: I asked what John said she wanted me to say something about having a second

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_03]: daughter now in my speech and how I loved her.

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_03]: I just looked at him.

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_03]: She asked if I'd do the walk and dance for Sally.

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_03]: I said of course.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_03]: She yelled she's my daughter too and I said it will never be the same.

[00:03:47] [SPEAKER_03]: Sally is my actual daughter.

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_03]: I tried to explain her talk about her being a happy addition to the family.

[00:03:55] [SPEAKER_03]: I love how happy she makes Jack which I thought was a good compromise.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_03]: But she started crying.

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_03]: John apologized and they left.

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_03]: But he called me when they were home nearly begging me to.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_03]: Am I the asshole?

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_03]: Because I won't lie and say I love her or she's my daughter.

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_03]: Look, you can't force relationships like Abby's trying to do in this situation.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_03]: There's clearly something to do with her past now.

[00:04:20] [SPEAKER_03]: It's got to be something like she didn't have that family dynamic growing up so

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_03]: she's craving it now in a really unhealthy way.

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_03]: You can't force relationships like this.

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_03]: And the fact that she's yelling at you that I am your daughter too is

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_03]: giving me those real sort of unhinged vibes.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_03]: So I wonder what's going on in the background conversations with John and

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_03]: her at the same time as well.

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_03]: Like they're going home, John's apologizing but later calling up begging to do these things.

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely not the asshole for saying no to these things.

[00:04:52] [SPEAKER_03]: These demands pretty much.

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm trying to imagine a hypothetical situation in my head that, you know,

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_03]: my son has got a girlfriend like this and I think I'll be phoning him and

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_03]: a serious conversation about it, about what he's going through at home because,

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_03]: you know, it all sounds pretty worrying the fact that he's getting home and

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_03]: he's phoning you begging this sort of stuff.

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_03]: What is he dealing with at home at the same time?

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_03]: John seems to be doing a lot of begging to OP and

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_03]: it sounds like out of pure desperation.

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_03]: I couldn't imagine how worrying that would be to have a family member phone

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_03]: you up begging for something like this.

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_03]: I'll be like, hold on, is everything okay there?

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_03]: Because it just sounds so unhinged.

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_03]: And at the same time, of course, as always, never excusing the behavior because,

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_03]: you know, I got my eyebrows raised with this behavior at the same time,

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_03]: red flag kind of stuff.

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_03]: I hope Abby does seek some help for what's going on.

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_03]: There's clearly something in the background that she's dealing with and,

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_03]: you know, it's sad at the same time.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_03]: And if she doesn't get the help, it just feels like it potentially escalates

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_03]: and damages further relationships around her, which isn't good.

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_03]: But Fuzzy Mum says, not the asshole.

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_03]: You have your boundaries.

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_03]: Abby sounds like she developed this fantasy involving you and your family.

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_03]: That can't be healthy.

[00:06:15] [SPEAKER_03]: And yelling at you.

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_03]: You will tell people you love me.

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_03]: You will tell people I'm your second daughter.

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_03]: You will have a good time at my wedding.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_03]: OP replies in, John told me she really wants to be a part of the family.

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_03]: But she started so quickly, I wonder how much is us versus the idea of us.

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_03]: I've been told she immediately was obsessed with the relationship my kids and I have.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_03]: Yelling.

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_03]: Was more concerned for John than upset, honestly.

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_03]: She seemed not OK right then.

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_03]: Commenter says, yeah, this doesn't sound like it's about you or Sally as actual people.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_03]: It's about Abby's fantasy of having a family.

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Makes me wonder how much she really even knows you or Sally.

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_03]: There's nothing wrong with her wanting a family, but she's going about it wrong.

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_03]: Relationships grow and develop over time.

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_03]: You don't just claim someone as family and have an instant relationship with them.

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_03]: She could definitely benefit from therapy.

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_03]: OP responds saying, she knows Sally a bit now.

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_03]: With me, she learns surface level things and approaches me.

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_03]: But when I try to engage, she immediately acts like we're so close and switches subjects

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_03]: to something related to how much closer we should be.

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_03]: John says it's nerves, but it doesn't seem like it.

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_03]: Charmed Phoenix says not the asshole.

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_03]: You have to keep correcting her.

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_03]: She pushed this far with the aisle slash speech because you gave them an inch with

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_03]: the dad, etc.

[00:07:37] [SPEAKER_03]: You need to put your foot down with your son and her.

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_03]: If this continues, someone in the family will get fed up and might explode on them

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_03]: and it won't be pretty.

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_03]: What if that confrontation comes at the wedding?

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_03]: This needs to be sorted now before the relationship and interactions continue.

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Otherwise, you might need to consider lowering the amount of contact you have with your son

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_03]: and his wife.

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_03]: OP says that's partly why I'm upset.

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_03]: I've tried compromising because I want to help my son, but at some point

[00:08:05] [SPEAKER_03]: understanding has to go both ways.

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_03]: I understand she wants family and I know she's partly jealous because I like my

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_03]: daughter's girlfriend more.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_03]: But we're in the same field and she let it happen naturally.

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_03]: I feel like it's all give and no take.

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_03]: Old Run says you lost me at my wife 28.

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_03]: It's a little odd that you are so hung up on these traditions and a rigid family

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_03]: dynamic, but you married someone who is only six years older than your son.

[00:08:35] [SPEAKER_03]: I am replying saying yeah the age gap is weird, but I don't understand what's

[00:08:38] [SPEAKER_03]: wrong with the traditions.

[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_03]: He said the wife isn't included because the kids aren't that open to her yet.

[00:08:43] [SPEAKER_03]: And it's normal to not want to claim someone else's kid as their own,

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_03]: especially if they want to force you into the dynamic.

[00:08:50] [SPEAKER_03]: Wendy Orbitz replies saying I don't understand the tradition at all.

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Every time his kids come over to visit with him and his wife, they just have a

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_03]: surface level conversation for the majority of the visit and then before

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_03]: leaving they always go to another room to actually talk about their lives.

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_03]: So when his son brings her over for a visit do they just leave her by herself

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_03]: while son and father are in the other room?

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_03]: Whereas OP's wife expected to entertain her during this portion of the visit.

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_03]: But how is sitting in his office to have a deep meaningful conversation different

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_03]: from sitting in the adjacent room to have deep meaningful conversations?

[00:09:22] [SPEAKER_03]: Which OP did respond to and said not surface level but they don't

[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_03]: necessarily want to be open in front of my wife.

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_03]: And she respects that.

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_03]: As to why it's meaningful, it's because going back to their

[00:09:32] [SPEAKER_03]: childhoods it was our special time to talk.

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_03]: In a room they thought was cool and that I let them decorate throughout the years.

[00:09:39] [SPEAKER_03]: Which as kids they love because they helped with dad's special room.

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_03]: I get that a lot of people think it's silly, that as a parent but a special time

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_03]: my kids want to talk to me is not something I will ever tire of.

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_03]: There was also a few mentions in the comments about OP and his wife's age gap

[00:09:56] [SPEAKER_03]: in their relationship etc.

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_03]: But OP came in with her update and said I planned on writing this sooner

[00:10:02] [SPEAKER_03]: but life got in the way in a couple of really good ways.

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_03]: But people were helpful and asked for updates and I have a surprise free day so here it goes.

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_03]: Mother's day my kids and their partners go to visit my ex wife.

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_02]: So it turns out my ex wife and Abby are a lot closer than I realised.

[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_03]: She calls her mum which is part of where this comes from.

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Also apparently my ex has been egging it on.

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_03]: On mother's day they were talking about the wedding and I guess whenever

[00:10:58] [SPEAKER_03]: Abby referred to me it was as dad.

[00:11:01] [SPEAKER_03]: My son apparently told her to let it go which led to yelling.

[00:11:05] [SPEAKER_03]: Abby about deserving to be my daughter, ex telling her that she's right,

[00:11:09] [SPEAKER_03]: son telling her that I'm trying and she should be realistic about things.

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_03]: Sally telling her I only had one daughter.

[00:11:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Which was apparently a response to Abby saying to her that as my daughters they should be united.

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_03]: According to my son, Abby was crying.

[00:11:25] [SPEAKER_03]: According to Sally she was crying and yelling and kicked something before going to her room

[00:11:29] [SPEAKER_03]: and Sally told me she went off on her mum.

[00:11:32] [SPEAKER_03]: But we'll not elaborate so I don't know what was actually said but knowing Sally, oh boy.

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_03]: Around 2am I got a text from Sally's partners phone saying

[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_03]: Abby really is great, she hasn't been perfect but you should really give her a chance and you

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_03]: will learn to love her.

[00:11:49] [SPEAKER_03]: I saw it when I woke up and tried to text her back but was blocked.

[00:11:52] [SPEAKER_03]: So I called Sally but they were driving.

[00:11:55] [SPEAKER_03]: They stopped by my place later that day because I am on the way and my daughter

[00:11:58] [SPEAKER_03]: prefers liquor and cooking and they told me about the night before.

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_03]: At the end I asked to speak to a partner alone.

[00:12:05] [SPEAKER_03]: I asked if I had done something to upset her.

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_03]: She was confused and I told her I was blocked.

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_03]: She said I wasn't but checked her phone and I was.

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_03]: And said it was after her message and she asked what message.

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_03]: I showed her and it was not on her phone anymore.

[00:12:20] [SPEAKER_03]: At that point we brought in Sally and caught her up.

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_03]: Neither of them were happy.

[00:12:25] [SPEAKER_03]: A couple of days later John and Abby dropped by unannounced.

[00:12:28] [SPEAKER_03]: Not something we really do in this family but ok fine.

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_03]: I had made salmon, does not take long to cook.

[00:12:34] [SPEAKER_03]: I cook do more, wife serves while I make drinks.

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_03]: Entire night Abby was trying to bring up the wedding.

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_03]: John was trying to change the subject.

[00:12:42] [SPEAKER_03]: Abby not allowing that.

[00:12:44] [SPEAKER_03]: We talk logistics because I'm helping them get some good deals through some

[00:12:47] [SPEAKER_03]: professional contacts I have when she finally says.

[00:12:51] [SPEAKER_03]: So I was talking to Mum.

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_03]: She said that you can walk me down the aisle and she'll do the dance or

[00:12:57] [SPEAKER_03]: you can dance and she'll walk.

[00:12:59] [SPEAKER_03]: It's your call but you need to choose soon.

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_03]: I reiterated that I could not dance.

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_03]: She tried arguing that I had danced a little at my wedding but I made it clear

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_03]: this is different and did not feel comfortable walking her.

[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_03]: She got upset and said Mum loves me why can't you?

[00:13:14] [SPEAKER_03]: I felt bad but couldn't lie.

[00:13:16] [SPEAKER_03]: I pointed out that she had John who loved her, my ex wife, friends.

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_03]: She had people who love her.

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_03]: She said but other than ex wife those aren't my parents.

[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_03]: I said neither am I.

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_03]: She was very emotional so my wife and I gave them a few minutes.

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_03]: My son and I were alone together.

[00:13:36] [SPEAKER_03]: He looked exhausted.

[00:13:37] [SPEAKER_03]: He said the problem was that after Mother's Day Abby had called Sally and kept saying

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_03]: they are both my daughters but I did not get to be close with one but not both

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_03]: and that it was them against me.

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_03]: But at that one Sally cried havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

[00:13:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Things were said, grievances were aired.

[00:13:55] [SPEAKER_03]: John had to hang up before it got worse but I guess Abby was shaken but

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_03]: there was a new problem.

[00:14:01] [SPEAKER_03]: Abby had decided in her head that I did not mean what I've been saying

[00:14:04] [SPEAKER_03]: and was just doing it for Sally.

[00:14:06] [SPEAKER_03]: He told me he would handle it.

[00:14:09] [SPEAKER_03]: Ron Howard, he did not.

[00:14:11] [SPEAKER_03]: So now I get text messages from Abby every couple of days acting like we have a secret

[00:14:15] [SPEAKER_03]: relationship Sally doesn't know about.

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_03]: She even called herself my secret daughter and lolled.

[00:14:21] [SPEAKER_03]: She invited my wife to lunch saying two out of three of his girls going out.

[00:14:26] [SPEAKER_03]: She has even started using the pressure of showing up at events like a recent barbecue

[00:14:30] [SPEAKER_03]: to play a certain image.

[00:14:32] [SPEAKER_03]: She hugs me more and holds it, wants to do pictures with just me or my wife but always

[00:14:37] [SPEAKER_03]: a few with just me to post with captions I do not like.

[00:14:41] [SPEAKER_03]: My wife is getting especially annoyed because of how she is with her.

[00:14:45] [SPEAKER_03]: I guess Abby surprised her with Father's Day plans for me that had to be shut down.

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_03]: As it is she still inserted herself into the day.

[00:14:52] [SPEAKER_03]: But she has a soft spot for her when Abby gets emotional she caves.

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_03]: My wife is a sweetheart.

[00:14:58] [SPEAKER_03]: I asked him if he's upset with me and he said no.

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_03]: He just wished it was different.

[00:15:03] [SPEAKER_03]: He said we're good but he's worried he and Sally aren't.

[00:15:06] [SPEAKER_03]: Which is when I took the advice of some people and suggested pre-marital counselling.

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_03]: He said he would talk about it.

[00:15:12] [SPEAKER_03]: Abby is insisting Sally go to her fitting.

[00:15:15] [SPEAKER_03]: That shop should pay per view that potential royal rumble because

[00:15:18] [SPEAKER_03]: Sally is not holding her feelings back anymore.

[00:15:21] [SPEAKER_03]: I told him Sally loves him and I'll talk to her but for now this stressful all around.

[00:15:27] [SPEAKER_03]: Abby driving my wife crazy with her ideas for what my girls should be doing.

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_03]: Driving me crazy with dad daughter content.

[00:15:34] [SPEAKER_03]: Drove Sally to the edge and oh yeah last night sent me an email with

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_03]: three styles of father daughter dances and song options.

[00:15:41] [SPEAKER_03]: So I'm not feeling any more respected or heard than before.

[00:15:45] [SPEAKER_03]: The six of us have barely been in the same room

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_03]: in order to let things calm down since Father's Day.

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_03]: Which was great until it was a shit show.

[00:15:54] [SPEAKER_03]: Sorry this is so long.

[00:15:55] [SPEAKER_03]: With all the craziness this is still the abridged version.

[00:15:59] [SPEAKER_03]: We're supposed to meet Friday.

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_03]: Sally's partner and I have a bet going about how bad it will go.

[00:16:05] [SPEAKER_03]: So onwards and upwards.

[00:16:07] [SPEAKER_03]: Hope you fathered at a less dramatic day than I did.

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_03]: By any chance does anyone know how bad of a crime I need to commit

[00:16:13] [SPEAKER_03]: to enter witness protection?

[00:16:15] [SPEAKER_03]: Just curious.

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_03]: There were some more comments with replies from OP.

[00:16:19] [SPEAKER_03]: Instruction top says not the asshole but Abby needs serious mental health help.

[00:16:24] [SPEAKER_03]: This is beyond a little needy to downright pathological.

[00:16:28] [SPEAKER_03]: What's gonna happen when she finally realises she's not gonna get her way?

[00:16:31] [SPEAKER_03]: Someone's gonna get hurt.

[00:16:33] [SPEAKER_03]: Your daughter and her partner need to step back and not engage at all.

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_03]: And you and your wife should attempt to do the same.

[00:16:39] [SPEAKER_03]: How your son you love him and will do your best to support him

[00:16:42] [SPEAKER_03]: but until Abby gets help you cannot allow her to be around you and your wife.

[00:16:46] [SPEAKER_03]: I wouldn't be surprised if Abby has a history of this type of behaviour with others in her past.

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_03]: OP says I do not know her enough to know about her history.

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_03]: But this does worry me.

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_03]: Especially since my wife and I recently got some good news

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_03]: that has me feeling especially protective of her.

[00:17:02] [SPEAKER_03]: My wife has a hard time with the idea of cutting contact since they get together occasionally.

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_03]: I pointed out she needs to take care of herself plus

[00:17:10] [SPEAKER_03]: Abby has my ex-wife as a mother figure now so she should be off the hook.

[00:17:15] [SPEAKER_03]: Prof plum did it says I can't believe your son is dumb enough to still want

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_03]: to marry this walking red flag.

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_03]: At this point you need to have a talk with your son.

[00:17:23] [SPEAKER_03]: Telling that his fiance is making you, your wife and his sister extremely uncomfortable

[00:17:28] [SPEAKER_03]: and that you have serious concerns about her emotional stability

[00:17:31] [SPEAKER_03]: because of her inability to accept boundaries and being told no.

[00:17:35] [SPEAKER_03]: I would also tell him that if she doesn't back off ASAP

[00:17:38] [SPEAKER_03]: you will make your boundaries physical and not attend events she's at or invite her to your events.

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_03]: Personally I tell my son I won't attend the wedding because I can't support him

[00:17:47] [SPEAKER_03]: marrying someone so toxic but that my door is open to escape her once he's ready.

[00:17:51] [SPEAKER_03]: I know not everyone could or would do that but I would if it was one of my kids.

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_03]: And witness protection is for witnesses of big crimes not really those who commit them.

[00:18:01] [SPEAKER_03]: It would be better off just faking your death and running.

[00:18:04] [SPEAKER_03]: Opie says The shame is we used to sort of like her, my daughter, my wife and myself.

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_03]: Early on she was interesting, diverse interests, she's travelled a lot for her age.

[00:18:16] [SPEAKER_03]: She and I even have an overlapping musical taste.

[00:18:19] [SPEAKER_03]: Her problem was when she decided she wanted this, her personality changed and

[00:18:23] [SPEAKER_03]: started getting pushy, changing subjects to what she wanted as they were subjects she liked.

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_03]: It was like everything was put on hold until we acquiesced.

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_03]: Which we haven't but it has not gone on.

[00:18:35] [SPEAKER_03]: You make a good point about witness protection.

[00:18:37] [SPEAKER_03]: Plus I have been meaning to take up location tracker free boating and scuba diving in

[00:18:42] [SPEAKER_03]: sharky waters.

[00:18:43] [SPEAKER_03]: Professional fact says Did you tell your son about the fake message from Sally's partner

[00:18:47] [SPEAKER_03]: in the blocking? I don't know that you ever confirmed that Abby did it but that is another

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_03]: level of crazy from just inserting herself into your life.

[00:18:55] [SPEAKER_03]: Opie says I do not think confirmation is possible but her phone was where

[00:18:59] [SPEAKER_03]: Abby would have been able to get it according to Sally.

[00:19:02] [SPEAKER_03]: Sally asked to be the one to tell him.

[00:19:04] [SPEAKER_03]: This is crazy but with everything going on, job stuff, great news, family stuff,

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_03]: best news, wedding stuff, I tried to watch my drinking and the family exploding a bit

[00:19:13] [SPEAKER_03]: at father's day, I honestly forgot to ask her what happened.

[00:19:17] [SPEAKER_03]: Have to call her later.

[00:19:18] [SPEAKER_03]: It's still funny until you sit down and write everything out.

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_03]: You don't realise how much there is.

[00:19:23] [SPEAKER_03]: It just feels like one thing after another.

[00:19:26] [SPEAKER_03]: Agoraphob says not the asshole.

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_03]: You mention in another comment your wife is pregnant.

[00:19:31] [SPEAKER_03]: Be prepared for Abby to go into overdrive especially if it's another girl.

[00:19:35] [SPEAKER_03]: A level of obsession is very concerning.

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_03]: If you can't convince your wife to step back now, give it about 5-6 months when

[00:19:42] [SPEAKER_03]: Abby has taken over the baby shower, picked out the nursery, hosted the ultrasounds

[00:19:46] [SPEAKER_03]: and consists on being in the delivery room and gives your wife a full belly

[00:19:50] [SPEAKER_03]: grope every 3.8 minutes during visits.

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Revisit the conversation then.

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_03]: Opie says my daughter said the same thing about the baby coming.

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_03]: The second paragraph sounds like hell.

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_03]: Thankfully my wife has a close circle of friends for those things but I'm

[00:20:05] [SPEAKER_03]: sure you're right that Abby will try to insert herself in our pregnancy journey

[00:20:08] [SPEAKER_03]: like she did my father's day.

[00:20:11] [SPEAKER_03]: But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:20:14] [SPEAKER_03]: What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:20:18] [SPEAKER_03]: Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_03]: And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_03]: in today's stories.

[00:20:25] [SPEAKER_03]: Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_03]: So thank you so so much for being involved and hopefully I'll see you in

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_03]: the next one.

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_03]: Take care and much love.

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Be a good day.