I'm Refusing To Change The Name Of My Baby After I Named Her After My Dad's Affair Partner

[00:00:02] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] Now today's first story comes from GoodStill6474 from the Am I The Arsehole Here subreddit and says, Am I The Arsehole for refusing to change my baby's name after I named her after my dad's affair partner?

[00:00:33] I26female just gave birth to my daughter Annabelle. I didn't announce it beforehand because in the past one of my family members stole a baby name and it created a lot of drama. My mum wanted to know but I was adamant on keeping it a secret.

[00:00:48] My mum and dad was in the room when I gave birth and when it was time for me to sign the birth certificate, my mum asked me for the name and I told her Annabelle. Her face went pale and my dad didn't look too happy but he said he loved the name.

[00:01:02] My mum left a few minutes later claiming she didn't feel well. She said she'll come over in a few days to help with the baby. Now I'm at home with the baby and my mum hasn't talked to me that much. We used to talk every day so I was confused by this sudden behaviour.

[00:01:17] My sister Emily lives with mum still so I called her over to talk. When she got to my house she explained how she overheard dad and mum arguing because about 10 years ago dad had an affair with a co-worker named Annabelle. Mum hasn't been talking to him and he'd been trying to get her to talk. I guess dad realising that Emily had come over decided to come over himself. He asked if there is any way that I can change Annabelle's name. I asked him why to see if he'll tell me the truth and he did.

[00:01:46] He admitted to the affair. He begged mum not to leave him and she stayed but just hearing that name had always put her in a bad headspace. I told him I can't and that Annabelle was the name of my husband's grandmother who helped raise him.

[00:01:59] My dad begged and pleaded for me to change it saying mum was in the middle of packing her bags and heading to her sister's house. I told him I won't change her name and that it means so much to me and my husband.

[00:02:11] He began to raise his voice and immediately my sister yelled back and told him to get the hell out.

[00:02:16] She told him not to stress me out about a mess he created. He left immediately.

[00:02:22] I'm not changing my baby's name but I feel like this is tearing the family apart. What should I do?

[00:02:28] Small edit. Annabelle isn't her real name. Her real name only has three letters so a nickname based off of her name wouldn't be possible.

[00:02:36] And a lot of you suggested to change her first name to a middle name but her middle name is my mum's name and I don't want to change that.

[00:02:43] Wiggle Pie says on the back of this info have you reached out or spoken to your mum yet about this?

[00:02:50] Zeph's reply saying nah it's better to ask reddit strangers.

[00:02:54] Sleepy Peepepoo says not the arsehole but your daughter is going to deal with most of this backlash so brace yourselves for it.

[00:03:01] Kando quotes that last comment and says underrated comment unless OP's mum truly gets over this she'll put a lot of hate into OP's daughter.

[00:03:10] Eden Evelyn says I think it's a lot more likely she just didn't want to be involved.

[00:03:13] Very much with OP or her daughter. At least not like she would have been had the name been something else.

[00:03:19] She's already pulling away and obviously don't want to hurt her daughter as she's not directing any anger or animosity at her.

[00:03:26] She's just withdrawn herself to try and process something she never thought she would have to.

[00:03:31] Illustrious Toe says I don't know. If it was me and I couldn't get over it.

[00:03:35] Then bye bye husband. Hello grandchild.

[00:03:38] I first came into this thinking that with a title thinking that you actually knew the affair partner to begin with and then actually named it after the affair partner.

[00:03:46] I thought oh boy this is going to be messy.

[00:03:48] And this just reminded me of a friend of mine who's a teacher.

[00:03:52] Not along the same lines mind you but they're a teacher and so obviously they work with loads and loads of kids year on year.

[00:03:59] And makes associations with so many different names.

[00:04:03] And I remember talking to them once about naming their child and the names and they just said it was a bloody nightmare.

[00:04:10] Because you know you get the old child that's an absolute pain in the butt.

[00:04:13] And the majority of the time because she was in like first school.

[00:04:16] You get a lot of children who's like the most popular names of that generation kind of thing.

[00:04:21] So they'd be going through a list of like popular boys names and they come up with a I don't know let's say Derek for shits and goos.

[00:04:28] And they're like oh no can't have Derek because this happened.

[00:04:31] No offense to you Derek's out there of course. Much love to you.

[00:04:34] But OP comes in with her update and says so my sister went over to my aunt's house to talk to my mom about what happened.

[00:04:41] My mom then came to my house to talk.

[00:04:43] She broke down saying how sorry she is for being distant.

[00:04:46] And that it was wrong not to communicate with us about what was happening.

[00:04:49] She said while the name did shock her at first.

[00:04:52] She knew how much Annabelle meant to my husband.

[00:04:54] And that she'd never do anything to discredit the work she put into raising him.

[00:04:58] I asked why she didn't tell us about the affair.

[00:05:01] She said because she knew that she was mentally too weak to leave.

[00:05:05] And the last thing she wanted was to show us it's okay to stay with a man who cheated on you.

[00:05:10] I asked if she planned on leaving dad.

[00:05:12] And she said she doesn't know.

[00:05:14] She admitted that she never got over the affair and is mad at herself for ruining the moment.

[00:05:19] When her granddaughter was born.

[00:05:20] I told her is there a nickname that she wants to call her by.

[00:05:23] And she said no.

[00:05:25] And that she wants to honor the memory of Annabelle's great grandmother.

[00:05:28] We hugged it out and talked.

[00:05:30] So I think everything is okay.

[00:05:33] You must be joking says.

[00:05:34] I think your mom was hurt by your dad.

[00:05:36] And it's just a reminder.

[00:05:38] But your mom totally is awesome to acknowledge that she handled the name revealed poorly.

[00:05:42] And how important your husband's grandmother was.

[00:05:45] Your mom just sounds super sweet.

[00:05:46] So I hope you guys are good now.

[00:05:48] I'd hate for this affair to hurt her relationship with you or your daughter.

[00:05:52] Kia replies saying right.

[00:05:54] I really want to give OP's mom a hug.

[00:05:56] You must be joking replies to that saying so much.

[00:05:59] How hard this must be for her.

[00:06:00] And she's being super considerate.

[00:06:02] And it must be so hard to have kept this for 10 years.

[00:06:06] She needs a big hug.

[00:06:08] OP came in with another update and says.

[00:06:10] So I'm actually going to separate myself from my mom and dad.

[00:06:13] My mom said she was going to get couples counseling as well as therapy for herself.

[00:06:18] I thought that was good.

[00:06:19] I guess my dad read somewhere that it's best to completely be honest about the situation if he wants to move on.

[00:06:25] My dad is a science teacher at high school.

[00:06:27] So Annabelle wasn't actually a co-worker but a student.

[00:06:31] He taught her as a freshman and had her in his AP class as a senior.

[00:06:35] She graduated at 17 and they added each other on Facebook.

[00:06:40] And things went from there I guess.

[00:06:42] I asked my mom if she knew Annabelle was a student and not a co-worker.

[00:06:46] She broke down and admitted that she did.

[00:06:48] I asked her how she can be with someone like that.

[00:06:51] She didn't answer me.

[00:06:52] My sister was disgusted by him and cursed him out.

[00:06:55] Calling him a child lover.

[00:06:57] She said she would never talk to him again.

[00:07:00] I agreed with her and told my mom that I can't allow my kids around her if she thought that my dad's behavior was okay.

[00:07:06] My dad said that Annabelle was an adult and that it was a mistake what happened between them.

[00:07:11] She then said it was a mistake to be open about the situation if it was going to make things worse.

[00:07:16] My sister moved in with me which I don't mind because the house has plenty of room.

[00:07:21] My dad and mom have been blowing up our phones.

[00:07:23] But I can't talk to either of them right now.

[00:07:27] Holy moly.

[00:07:28] That ended up diving off the deep end didn't it?

[00:07:31] Gee whiz.

[00:07:32] Now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:07:34] What do you guys make?

[00:07:35] Of this situation.

[00:07:37] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:07:40] Let's move on to another story.

[00:07:43] Which comes from flatad471 from the am I the asshole here subreddit.

[00:07:46] And says would I be the asshole here if I drop out of a friend's wedding after not being invited to the bachelorette?

[00:07:53] Hi.

[00:07:53] So I 25 female am currently being pushed back and forth with my choice.

[00:07:58] And I thought the lovely people of reddit might be able to rein me in.

[00:08:01] I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant and my friends around me have all been very happy and excited for me.

[00:08:07] However my childhood friend 25 female let's call her Lisa stonewalled me since I announced her 8 weeks.

[00:08:14] I had assumed it was wedding stress but now I'm second guessing this.

[00:08:18] In the weekend I was scrolling Instagram and I came across the post where she thanked everyone for coming to her bachelorette.

[00:08:24] Photos of the girls and her smiling in the middle and I sort of sat there shocked.

[00:08:29] At first I tried to be mature and just let it go.

[00:08:31] But this was a girl I grew up with.

[00:08:33] She was a bridesmaid in my wedding party and I'm an honorary bridesmaid for hers.

[00:08:38] She's not having a wedding party.

[00:08:40] In the end I guess Hormos took over and I ended up reaching out to her.

[00:08:44] At first I went oh looks like fun.

[00:08:46] And she replied that it was and after a tub of ice cream and a good sob I reached out and went hey.

[00:08:52] Sorry to be this person but why wasn't I invited?

[00:08:56] She immediately messaged me back with a response.

[00:08:59] To be honest the whole day was centered around drinking, wineries and heading to town after.

[00:09:04] And I'm not sure you would have enjoyed being around all of us drunk as fuck.

[00:09:08] Especially cause you're pregnant right now.

[00:09:09] I guess that an invite would have been nice regardless but in all honesty I just wanted to keep it very small.

[00:09:15] I'm really sorry you feel that way.

[00:09:17] But I don't want to make this a big thing because I've already had a shit week.

[00:09:21] I tried to respond with hey thanks for getting back to me but I'm still upset because the day is about you.

[00:09:27] And I wanted to be there to celebrate you.

[00:09:29] And then she rung me and just asked me not to make this a big thing once again and she sounded incredibly annoyed.

[00:09:35] And like the doormat I am, I dropped it.

[00:09:37] After thinking this over for the past few days I'm feeling very hurt and heartbroken.

[00:09:42] This was a girl I grew up with and loved and supported through a lot of shit.

[00:09:46] I've helped her plan and prepare a lot of her wedding so to suddenly get iced out like this I'm feeling a certain way.

[00:09:52] My husband suggests we don't go and I'm on the edge.

[00:09:56] So Reddit would I be the arsehole here if I decline going to a wedding and distancing myself?

[00:10:01] Obviously there's something deeper going on which just leaves us all with a question.

[00:10:05] Why?

[00:10:06] Why is she doing this?

[00:10:08] You know an invite could have been thrown OP's way and they can choose if they come or not.

[00:10:12] It could have been warned you know it's going to be a lot of drinking.

[00:10:15] That's what we're going to be doing while we're out.

[00:10:17] So we totally understand if you don't want to come.

[00:10:19] But the invite's there if you do.

[00:10:21] Which again brings us around to that question of why?

[00:10:24] Why wasn't she invited?

[00:10:25] But Complex Storm says not the arsehole.

[00:10:28] Her saying don't make this a big thing would piss me off.

[00:10:31] If you guys are close then she 100% should have at least invited you.

[00:10:35] The whole it's my wedding and I can invite and do what I want is true.

[00:10:39] However that doesn't mean you have no consequences for your decisions.

[00:10:42] To me she doesn't consider you as good of a friend as you may think.

[00:10:47] Beneficial Year One says I'm an honorary bridesmaid for hers.

[00:10:50] She's not having a wedding party.

[00:10:52] What the heck is this?

[00:10:54] A new fed I haven't heard of or a way of getting more partying and gifts from your friends without having them in the wedding.

[00:11:00] In any case would not be the arsehole for ghosting her wedding.

[00:11:03] She deliberately did something that she knew would hurt your feelings and told you not to make a big thing out of it.

[00:11:09] Temporary Tie says I'd say there's a good chance she's lying about not having a bridal party.

[00:11:13] And that will be another cruel surprise for OP if she attends.

[00:11:17] Not the arsehole OP.

[00:11:19] This friendship might have run its course.

[00:11:21] That might make you sad because change is hard but dropping her so you can focus on real friendships will be a win in the long run.

[00:11:28] So then OP comes in with her update and says hi.

[00:11:31] Hope this is allowed but you were all so wonderful and helpful and turns out I got an update sooner than I expected.

[00:11:37] So I haven't heard from Lisa.

[00:11:39] That I expected.

[00:11:41] What I didn't expect is a friend of Lisa's to get in touch with me.

[00:11:44] Let's call her Sarah.

[00:11:46] I knew of Sarah and spoke with her a few times at events we attended together.

[00:11:50] And she was one of the girls with myself went wedding dress shopping for Lisa.

[00:11:53] She was also a friend I noticed wasn't at the Bachelorette.

[00:11:57] Which was a surprise anyway.

[00:11:58] And at first she was doing a hey how are you.

[00:12:01] And we did polite small talk blah blah.

[00:12:04] Until she finally went so are you pissed off and mad as I am at Lisa OP.

[00:12:09] Immediately I was slightly shocked as the few times I had met Sarah.

[00:12:13] She was very I guess demure.

[00:12:16] Can I just interject here just to see if anyone else is feeling like me.

[00:12:20] Is that like a new thing just recently everyone using the word demure.

[00:12:24] I'm seeing it bloody everywhere and I'm like I didn't even know what it meant till the other day.

[00:12:28] Makes me feel old as shit.

[00:12:30] Anyway OP continues that opened the floodgates of information and she told me everything she knows.

[00:12:36] So what I didn't put in the post is I actually waited two days before messaging Lisa about the lack of invite.

[00:12:42] Turns out three of Lisa's friends who weren't invited hit her up immediately after she posted on Instagram.

[00:12:48] Asking why they weren't invited.

[00:12:50] Turns out these girls absolutely chewed Lisa alive.

[00:12:54] My confrontation was soft and finally it was revealed what actually happened.

[00:12:58] And now I'm even more confused.

[00:13:00] So Lisa admitted to Sarah that her sister-in-law planned the bachelorette and just decided she was only going to invite the friends she knew.

[00:13:08] So Lisa's usual group of eight to ten friends including me got narrowed down into four.

[00:13:13] And Lisa decided not to correct her sister-in-law and just went with it.

[00:13:16] Not realizing how many people should be upsetting with not inviting people.

[00:13:21] Apparently once people started attacking her she basically buried her head in the sand and started making up lies to everyone on why they weren't invited.

[00:13:30] And using the same excuse of don't make this a big deal.

[00:13:33] Until everyone realized the reasons were bullshit and called her out on it and the real truth came out.

[00:13:39] Sarah has informed me the girls who weren't invited have all pulled out of the wedding.

[00:13:43] Their partners included because they got the same annoyed response from Lisa before she told the truth.

[00:13:48] And they all thought they didn't deserve that.

[00:13:51] Then she finally asked me what Lisa told me.

[00:13:53] And I went deathly quiet on the phone before finally admitting she used my pregnancy as an excuse.

[00:13:59] Which then started poor Sarah on another rant of anger on how Lisa could say that to me when I'm pregnant.

[00:14:06] Anyway.

[00:14:07] We ended the call and she hoped we could get a coffee sometime so I think I've made a friend.

[00:14:12] So that's the update.

[00:14:13] This pregnant lady is very confused and I'm currently the number one buyer of ice cream at my local dairy.

[00:14:19] Lol.

[00:14:21] The last yellow skittle says don't go.

[00:14:24] Whatever is going on behind the scenes will ensure this isn't a celebratory event with friends and laughter.

[00:14:30] Finish whatever tasks you're working on or promise for the wedding and bow out.

[00:14:33] It's already extremely toxic and my guess would be that you haven't seen all the drama yet.

[00:14:38] Focus on your new bundle to be and use the day of the wedding as some time for you and your husband to babymoon or pre-babymoon.

[00:14:47] Uncle Rumpy says when she drops out of the wedding OP should use her pregnancy as the reason.

[00:14:53] Tired of username says so my biggest issue with all of this is Lisa lying to you and her other friends.

[00:14:59] I suspect if she had been honest with you this wouldn't have been a big thing.

[00:15:03] Hey my future sister-in-law planned this and excluded people she didn't know.

[00:15:08] I felt uncomfortable pushing back.

[00:15:10] I regret it because I know it hurt the feelings of people I care about.

[00:15:13] How hard is that to say?

[00:15:15] Logical Difference says I can't figure out why the hell she posted it online.

[00:15:20] OP says I think that's the part I'm struggling with as well.

[00:15:23] It's the fact she posted it online.

[00:15:24] It's the fact the caption was couldn't have asked for a better day.

[00:15:28] Blessed with the best of friends.

[00:15:30] And maybe I'll admit that's an odd thing to get upset about but it just felt like someone cut me open and then rubbed salt and lemon juice in the wound.

[00:15:38] It's one thing not being invited.

[00:15:40] It's another seeing a caption like that and having the internal thought of I'll just go fuck myself then.

[00:15:47] Significant Planter says.

[00:15:48] Okay so I was actually feeling bad for her thinking that maybe she has a sister-in-law that is domineering and one of those people that everyone just goes along with.

[00:15:56] Because they will throw a literal fit if you don't.

[00:15:59] And then I read the caption.

[00:16:00] Nah.

[00:16:01] She did that shit on purpose.

[00:16:03] Just cut her out of your life.

[00:16:04] You just read how she feels about you.

[00:16:08] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:16:11] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:16:14] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:16:18] And let's move on to another story.

[00:16:21] We've got another random based name story from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit.

[00:16:26] It was an interesting title.

[00:16:27] So it's from Fast Emphasis 145 and says Am I the Arsehole for telling my parents I'm not changing my name because of their name regret.

[00:16:36] I'm 16 male.

[00:16:38] My parents youngest kid and the only kid to name based on what they liked versus what the family wanted them to name us.

[00:16:44] My siblings were all named after family members like both my dad's and mom's families prefer.

[00:16:51] By the time they got around to having me, they were like, fuck this shit and told their family they were choosing a name based on what they liked and not based on family.

[00:17:00] So they named me Sunny.

[00:17:02] Yeah.

[00:17:03] The girl version of Sunny.

[00:17:05] Sunny.

[00:17:05] I don't care.

[00:17:07] I think Sunny is girly because it has a U versus an O.

[00:17:11] But anyway.

[00:17:12] My parents started to regret my name when I was maybe 10.

[00:17:15] I don't remember exactly when, but I can remember being about 10 and my parents started sometimes calling me by my middle name.

[00:17:22] And only stopping when I told them it was weird and I liked my first name.

[00:17:26] When I was 13, they asked me if I ever went by a nickname and I said no.

[00:17:31] Last year, they said some kids changed their names before graduating high school because they want something more grown up.

[00:17:37] And I want to save the added expense of changing the name on their degree.

[00:17:42] I was like, oh, I guess if people want that, it makes sense.

[00:17:45] But I guess it must suck to hate your name.

[00:17:48] Six months ago, my parents said I looked like a James nicknamed Jamie.

[00:17:53] I asked them why they thought that.

[00:17:55] And they said, I just had that look.

[00:17:57] They asked what I thought of the name and I said, I like Jamie but prefer Sunny.

[00:18:03] Then they asked if I liked the name Luke.

[00:18:06] And I said no.

[00:18:07] In June, they asked me if I would consider letting them change my name to something different.

[00:18:12] They said they feel like they named me as a big fuck you to their families but felt bad.

[00:18:17] They had such an unserious name for a man.

[00:18:19] I told them I didn't want to change my name and I always loved the way they talked about finding my name.

[00:18:24] They said their feelings had changed and they felt like the name being cute and light and full of hope wasn't great for going into my adult years.

[00:18:32] They said they deeply regretted it.

[00:18:34] I told them I was glad they made the choice they did and they shouldn't stress it.

[00:18:39] But last week, they got the paperwork for a legal name change and presented me with like three name choices and asked me to pick.

[00:18:45] They said they really didn't want to live with the guilt.

[00:18:48] I told them I'm not changing my name because of their name regret.

[00:18:52] I told them how I feel about my name is more important now.

[00:18:56] They told me I should at least think of their feelings.

[00:18:59] And I should consider the future and whether I'll be taken seriously.

[00:19:03] Am I the arsehole?

[00:19:05] You're happy with your name.

[00:19:07] This is all about them and nothing about you at all.

[00:19:10] You're happy with your name and that's the end of it, not the arsehole.

[00:19:13] You're 16 years old and they're trying to change your name.

[00:19:16] It's just absolutely wild.

[00:19:18] And it's like I always think it's the thought process in the background, you know, away from you, away from this conversation they've had with you.

[00:19:24] They're discussing this in the background.

[00:19:26] They're talking about your name and changing it.

[00:19:29] Hell, they went away together to get the paperwork to legally change your name.

[00:19:33] That's wild in my opinion.

[00:19:35] I personally think Sonny is a great name.

[00:19:37] That is some weird arse behavior.

[00:19:39] But the first comment says what the hell, not the arsehole.

[00:19:41] And quote, six months ago, my parents said I looked like a James nicknamed Jamie.

[00:19:45] And then says, so are they planning to push you to change your name every time you change your hairstyle or wardrobe?

[00:19:51] Sonny or Sonny, which is changed with an O in the U, regardless how you spell it, is a perfectly normal name for a male.

[00:19:59] An identity is intertwined with a name and it's hard to separate the two.

[00:20:03] You and you alone are the person that should decide if you want to change your name.

[00:20:07] Anxious says not the arsehole.

[00:20:09] It sounds like your parents are more concerned about their feelings regarding your name than your feelings.

[00:20:14] That name is yours.

[00:20:15] You're your own person.

[00:20:16] And if you don't want to change your name because you like it, then don't.

[00:20:20] Those are their feelings to live with and putting them on you as a child is unfair and weird.

[00:20:25] I also have a weather name and still love it.

[00:20:27] And I'm almost 30.

[00:20:29] More power to you.

[00:20:31] He and me says there is absolutely nothing embarrassing or un-adult about Sonny.

[00:20:36] I literally had to tell someone today to assign a task to a guy whose last name is Muckweenie.

[00:20:41] I had to say that out loud.

[00:20:44] That's embarrassing.

[00:20:45] And Neenit says a man named Sonny, full of confidence, who loves his name, will succeed in life.

[00:20:51] Sonny, your parents are trying to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory for no apparent reason.

[00:20:56] Not the arsehole.

[00:20:57] Your parents, while not exactly arseholes, but not enough for a no one's an arsehole here, are mostly just behaving foolishly.

[00:21:05] They should accept you love the name, love the story, and relax and eagerly look forward to seeing what you do with your life.

[00:21:12] Absolutely.

[00:21:13] Now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:21:16] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:21:19] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:22] Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories.

[00:21:27] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:21:31] And I truly, truly mean that.

[00:21:34] Thank you so, so much.

[00:21:36] It means the world.

[00:21:37] Thank you.

[00:21:38] And I will see you in the next one.

[00:21:39] Take care and much love.

[00:21:41] Take care.

[00:21:59] Take care.

[00:22:03] Take care.