I'm Going To SKIP My Brother's Wedding After He Excluded Certain Family Members r/Relationships

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[00:00:21] HelloFresh.

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[00:00:24] Discover all the delicious possibilities at HelloFresh.com.

[00:00:36] Hey hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well.

[00:00:38] My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories.

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[00:00:48] Let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:51] Much love guys.

[00:00:52] Now this story comes from BlankCosmic from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit and says,

[00:00:58] Would I be the arsehole for skipping out of my brother's wedding because he excluded

[00:01:01] my family from the planning and my siblings from the wedding.

[00:01:06] I'm a 30 female with 7 younger siblings, 25 male, a 21 male and girls 22, 20, 18 and

[00:01:15] twin 17.

[00:01:16] Our large family is close.

[00:01:19] We've been through a lot together, strife, arguments but we've overcome them all.

[00:01:23] Others around us look to us as an example of how close siblings and parents should be.

[00:01:28] We're also big on tradition and our culture.

[00:01:32] My brother Mark, 25 male, was the cheapest sib among us.

[00:01:38] He would always ask for money from our parents and us.

[00:01:41] God knows what he would spend it on since he kept coming back to ask for more.

[00:01:46] He never contributed anything to the household, even to buy groceries.

[00:01:50] Really selfish.

[00:01:52] Last year Mark got engaged.

[00:01:54] The date for the wedding was set for May.

[00:01:57] We were all so excited to be a part of the wedding.

[00:02:00] We joked about attire, the playlist for the reception etc.

[00:02:04] He asked our parents for help paying for the wedding.

[00:02:06] They agreed to pay more than half of the price since it would be the first wedding of the

[00:02:10] household.

[00:02:11] We later learned that he dropped at least $8000 of his own money into the wedding.

[00:02:16] Turns out he wasn't as broke as we thought.

[00:02:19] One day we all sat down to talk about wedding plans.

[00:02:22] As we were joking around, Mark gave us a list of things that would be done for the

[00:02:26] wedding.

[00:02:27] He started mentioning catering, venue, colors.

[00:02:30] Pretty tame overall.

[00:02:32] We nodded in agreement since everything seemed normal.

[00:02:36] Then he told us that Olive, his fiancé, already picked out and purchased a dress.

[00:02:41] We as a family didn't see the dress and still don't know what it looks like to this day

[00:02:46] and weren't there with her to try dresses on.

[00:02:49] We missed that moment with her.

[00:02:51] The women of the family, including my mother, were bummed that we weren't there for the

[00:02:54] dress fitting.

[00:02:56] But we assured ourselves that whatever dress was picked was perfect.

[00:02:59] It was their wedding after all so it shouldn't be too bad right?

[00:03:04] Mark continued to list off things about the wedding that he finalized.

[00:03:08] The venue he chose was a 4 hour drive.

[00:03:11] Several states from our hometown.

[00:03:12] Somewhere we've never been.

[00:03:14] The officiator was someone we didn't know.

[00:03:17] He didn't know him either.

[00:03:18] The list of things that were set grew and grew.

[00:03:21] We were more and more troubled.

[00:03:24] Then Mark dropped the bombshell.

[00:03:26] OP, you and your partner will be in the bridal party.

[00:03:29] Sam, my other brother was also in the party.

[00:03:33] We asked what about your other sisters?

[00:03:35] Oh they're just going to be in the reception part.

[00:03:38] Why aren't they going to be in the main wedding?

[00:03:40] He replied that's a decision I'm making.

[00:03:43] They replied what is the actual reason?

[00:03:45] Why exclude your siblings in the white wedding?

[00:03:48] Mark said I saw someone else do that at their wedding.

[00:03:51] Figured I could do that too.

[00:03:52] We were shocked.

[00:03:54] Unsatisfied with his answer.

[00:03:56] I was in the wedding with my other brother but not any of the girls.

[00:03:59] The rest of the family was visibly upset.

[00:04:02] Where'd this come from?

[00:04:04] I'm standing up for my siblings.

[00:04:05] Yes, it's his wedding but if my siblings won't be a part of it, I won't be either.

[00:04:10] I would include my own family at my wedding.

[00:04:13] Am I wrong for that?

[00:04:15] Opie gave some additional information down in the comments and says I would like to offer

[00:04:19] some clarity about what some of the comments have been saying.

[00:04:22] Not to justify myself but to explain the culture behind everything and why we're upset.

[00:04:28] 3000 character limits are fun.

[00:04:31] In my culture, it is custom for the family of the man planned for and run the wedding.

[00:04:35] All members of the immediate family are involved in major roles, including the siblings.

[00:04:40] This is true for all male children.

[00:04:43] If any members of the family are excluded, it is a sign of animosity or hatred.

[00:04:48] Excluding family members from the wedding party is like a middle finger to them.

[00:04:52] There has never been a wedding in our extended family where none of the siblings or parents

[00:04:56] were involved unless there was some sort of malice behind it.

[00:05:00] My parents' wedding anniversary included all of my siblings and myself in the bridal

[00:05:04] party.

[00:05:05] All the cousins we have gotten married with their families, even traveling and paying

[00:05:09] for everyone to fly to another country to attend and participate in the ceremony.

[00:05:14] Excluding the younger girls would send a message to the rest of the extended family

[00:05:18] that there is something wrong between all of us.

[00:05:21] From my observation, I haven't seen anything happening between Mark and the other girls.

[00:05:25] We all get along just fine.

[00:05:27] We even live in the same house together.

[00:05:30] This is why we're insistent on the reason behind why he wasn't including the rest

[00:05:34] of the girls.

[00:05:35] It goes against our tradition and we see it as a sign of resentment.

[00:06:05] about it.

[00:06:06] I know you've talked to him before, but talk to him again if that's the way you're

[00:06:08] seeing it.

[00:06:09] And if he says no, he doesn't resent you in any way, he's just trying to save money

[00:06:12] or whatever the reason may be, then what's the issue with it?

[00:06:16] Again, this may be very much to do with culture so I'm struggling to comment on it too

[00:06:20] much, but if my brothers came up to me and they said they don't want to include me

[00:06:24] or some of the other family members in one of their weddings, it wouldn't bother me

[00:06:29] in the slightest.

[00:06:30] In fact, I'd be quite relieved because I'd be able to enjoy the day more.

[00:06:35] But OP does come in with an update and says this serves as an update on my previous post

[00:06:39] that I made weeks ago.

[00:06:40] It seems that because of recent updates, there are more details that I need to include.

[00:06:45] To summarize, I'm a 30 female with a large family including two younger brothers and

[00:06:49] four younger sisters.

[00:06:50] I made a post previously stating that my brother Mark, 25, was going to have a wedding in May.

[00:06:56] I only wanted my other brother to be in the wedding party and my other sisters to be excluded.

[00:07:00] There are two reasons as to why I deleted the original post.

[00:07:04] 1.

[00:07:05] Shame.

[00:07:06] It wasn't being fun being called an asshole by a lot of people.

[00:07:09] I felt bad, I didn't like the criticism and the emotions I felt at the time drove me

[00:07:13] to do it.

[00:07:14] 2.

[00:07:15] I knew there was something more to it than what I was writing.

[00:07:18] I posted too early and from the new information that has been brought up, I decided to make

[00:07:22] another post.

[00:07:24] There was a paragraph that I included about Mark being stingy with money.

[00:07:28] I explained that everyone in the family got along but Mark was always asking for money,

[00:07:32] never paying it back and participating in frivolous spending.

[00:07:37] I didn't realize until now that this paragraph would have been more relevant.

[00:07:41] In the original post, I explained that he paid for half of the wedding venue so it was

[00:07:45] understandable that he would exclude people from the wedding and go against traditions

[00:07:49] of including the whole family in the party.

[00:07:51] He told us, I just want a small wedding.

[00:07:54] I didn't have to follow traditions.

[00:07:56] We were angry and threatened to leave the wedding entirely.

[00:07:59] Reddit called me an asshole for this.

[00:08:01] Initially, I would have agreed if it was just this information but turns out he lied.

[00:08:08] He did not contribute a single cent to the wedding, not for the venue, not for the catering,

[00:08:15] not for the DJ, nothing.

[00:08:17] In fact, my mother Carol paid for most of it.

[00:08:20] While the future in-laws paid for half of the venue, he said he paid.

[00:08:25] Carol funded the clothes, the food, the MC, 75% of the venue and is still pouring thousands

[00:08:31] of dollars into the wedding for more things.

[00:08:33] Mark is insisting on demanding more things for the wedding which includes excluding some

[00:08:37] of our family from the wedding party.

[00:08:40] Meanwhile, he's not paying for the party's dresses or suits.

[00:08:44] Once again, he is expecting the rest of us to foot the bill while he sits back and doesn't

[00:08:48] plan his own wedding.

[00:08:50] He won't let Carol invite people she wants to, even though she's paying and her guests

[00:08:54] wouldn't break capacity.

[00:08:56] Carol can't take it anymore.

[00:08:58] She's stressed having to do this herself.

[00:09:00] I've seen her and my father cry out to him.

[00:09:02] It doesn't even seem worth it anymore.

[00:09:04] Am I the asshole?

[00:09:06] A couple of comments where Opie replies so, Auntie Xana says, you're the asshole slash

[00:09:11] everyone sucks here except Mark.

[00:09:13] The fact that your mum's paying doesn't mean that she gets to make all the choices.

[00:09:18] If her love and support are conditioned on getting her way, she shouldn't have offered.

[00:09:22] She's just loan sharking.

[00:09:24] If your brother isn't so close to your siblings, he shouldn't have to include them in his party.

[00:09:28] He may have other people he wants to include, and you are certainly a lot of siblings and

[00:09:32] acting awfully entitled.

[00:09:35] Same goes for your mum inviting her friends.

[00:09:37] The party is not about her.

[00:09:39] Why is that hard to understand?

[00:09:41] It's Mark's wedding.

[00:09:43] His future spouse should invite whom they want, should have the parties they want, and

[00:09:47] if your mum and siblings can't handle this not being about them, they need a reality

[00:09:52] check.

[00:09:53] It's sad how transactional you all are.

[00:09:55] Opie responds saying my mother is paying for more than half of the venue and everything

[00:09:59] else in the wedding.

[00:10:00] She and Mark made a list of people who were included in the wedding, including people

[00:10:05] she wanted to invite that were approved by the two of them, and he is now deciding to

[00:10:09] take back his word.

[00:10:11] In-laws are being treated with priority and everyone on that side is being catered to

[00:10:15] and invited.

[00:10:17] Meanwhile we're being left behind.

[00:10:19] Mark lied about paying for things, he lied about the invite list, he lied about the venue.

[00:10:25] Maddy Cat says I need clarification.

[00:10:26] Are the other siblings invited to the wedding and just not in the wedding party or not invited

[00:10:31] at all?

[00:10:32] Opie says all the siblings were invited but at first my brother purposely left them out

[00:10:37] of the wedding party.

[00:10:38] It took his fiance and other members of the wedding party to let the rest of the sibs

[00:10:42] be in the wedding in that regard.

[00:10:45] There was room for all of us and the clothes for the party are being funded by my mother

[00:10:50] but he decided not to include us initially.

[00:10:53] Al Jordan says why is that a problem?

[00:10:56] What is wrong with just being a guest?

[00:11:00] Bloody hell, messy, messy, messy right?

[00:11:03] I just kept casting my mind back to the very start after all of this and it said others

[00:11:07] around us look to us as an example of how close siblings and parents should be.

[00:11:12] I mean if you think that's close, dearie me.

[00:11:16] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:11:19] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:11:22] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

[00:11:39] Let's wake up those taste buds with hot juicy pecan crusted chicken or garlic butter shrimp scampi.

[00:11:46] HelloFresh.

[00:11:48] Stop dreaming of all the delicious possibilities and dig in at HelloFresh.com.

[00:11:54] Let's get this dinner party started.

[00:12:11] Now our next story comes from a throwaway account and says I just got an email on my

[00:12:38] husband's iPad that the hot water in his apartment building was going to be shut down

[00:12:43] temporarily for repairs.

[00:12:45] We own our own house and have not rented for over a decade.

[00:12:50] My husband is on a trip with one of our sons and his brother to go visit their mother,

[00:12:54] my son's grandmother.

[00:12:55] I was cleaning up the den when an email notification popped up on his iPad.

[00:13:00] It was an email from an apartment complex that they were going to be temporarily closing

[00:13:04] down hot water for repairs.

[00:13:07] Sent from one of those automatic senders that you can't reply to.

[00:13:10] It was addressed to my husband with his first and last name.

[00:13:14] The thing is we own our own house, we haven't rented in over 10 years and even then it wasn't

[00:13:20] this place.

[00:13:21] Where my husband is, upstate New York, there isn't any service.

[00:13:25] I tried to send him a picture of the email but it won't go through.

[00:13:29] I called him and spoke to him for a bit.

[00:13:32] Service was choppy but I managed to explain to him about the email and basically all he

[00:13:36] said is that it must be a mistake and they had the wrong email.

[00:13:40] We weren't able to say much before the call just dropped but if it was a wrong email how

[00:13:45] would they have his first and last name all spelled correctly?

[00:13:49] For context, his first name is somewhat common but our last name isn't common especially

[00:13:55] in this area.

[00:13:56] There weren't any other emails from this sender or about this apartment complex in my

[00:14:00] husband's emails but he is also the kind who clears out his inbox as he gets messages.

[00:14:06] I sent a message to the apartment complex telling them that I think my husband was on

[00:14:10] their email list by mistake but I just got an automatic email sent back that they were

[00:14:15] out of office until 10-20 and in general rent information pricing, 1 bedroom, 1600, 2 bedroom,

[00:14:23] 1900 and that there were no open units available.

[00:14:26] There was no unit number on the email but the complex is about 15 minutes away from our

[00:14:30] house so I went and drove by, which I guess might be a little crazy I know.

[00:14:36] I didn't see anything, not like I knew what to expect.

[00:14:40] It's a group of buildings less than 100 apartments in all.

[00:14:51] I don't have any reason to mistrust my husband other than this weird email that gives me

[00:14:56] a strange feeling in the pits of my stomach as well as a general feeling of paranoia that

[00:15:00] he's just been bored with me.

[00:15:04] I've been feeling this way for a little while but he insists I'm imagining it and that

[00:15:08] he's happy.

[00:15:09] I only brought it up to him once when I was feeling particularly insecure last year.

[00:15:13] We still do things together, he still tells me he loves me etc.

[00:15:18] I just feel like he doesn't have as much fun with me as he used to and that he looks

[00:15:22] for reasons to be out of the house or doing things specifically with the boys instead

[00:15:26] of doing things with the whole family.

[00:15:28] It's not like it's something that bothers me every day, just something that I think

[00:15:32] about when I'm feeling insecure or paranoid.

[00:15:34] Like in a situation like this where he gets an email from random apartment complexes lol.

[00:15:39] Anyway, I don't know exactly what advice I'm looking for.

[00:15:44] I know the advice I would have for one of my friends would be to just talk to him but

[00:15:48] I really can't do that until he comes home on Saturday, which is a really long time for

[00:15:52] me to sit with my intrusive thoughts.

[00:15:54] Edit.

[00:15:56] He never lived here in the past, he lived with his parents until college and then lived

[00:16:00] in a dorm, and then every place he rented was with me.

[00:16:03] We've been dating since we were 19.

[00:16:07] Edit 2.

[00:16:08] The email wasn't a phishing scam, it was a legitimate email from the email address

[00:16:12] on the apartment complex's website.

[00:16:15] All of the information included in the email letterhead matched the information on the

[00:16:19] apartment complex's website.

[00:16:21] If it was a phishing scam, I assume they would have been looking for information.

[00:16:25] This email wasn't looking for anything, it was just an informational email about the

[00:16:29] water.

[00:16:30] Update.

[00:16:31] My best friend called the emergency maintenance number and said that she was a delivery driver

[00:16:36] who had over $100 worth of food for and said my husband's name, but she said he had forgotten

[00:16:41] to fill in his apartment number.

[00:16:44] The guy didn't speak English very well, but after she repeated herself a few times,

[00:16:48] he did eventually say his name and then told us the apartment number.

[00:16:51] I think we can all kind of get a little hint of where this one might be going, but D-Dog

[00:16:56] says call the apartment complex to see if they are shutting down the water to see if

[00:16:59] it's real and then do some more digging.

[00:17:02] Opie says I called them and got an answering service.

[00:17:06] D-Dog replies saying I know you trust your husband, but don't let that blind trust

[00:17:10] stop you from seeing if he's in fact hiding something from you.

[00:17:13] Opie says the email was real, it all matches the actual information on the apartment complex

[00:17:18] website.

[00:17:19] Deckage says realize apartment manager is out until 10.20 but doesn't the voicemailing

[00:17:23] include another number for overnight emergencies?

[00:17:26] Opie says yes, he gave the private cell phone number for the maintenance person.

[00:17:31] Deckage replies saying call them, explain that you have a delivery for Mr. Opie but

[00:17:36] the unit number is missing and you are under a deadline to deliver and it's perishable.

[00:17:41] Opie says thank you, this is a good idea and it worked.

[00:17:44] The maintenance guy didn't speak English very well so I think he was somewhat confused

[00:17:48] but he eventually gave us an apartment number.

[00:17:51] Which we saw in that mini update from before.

[00:17:54] Opie adds one more comment which adds some additional information and says he's never

[00:17:58] lived there before.

[00:17:59] Again the email had good specific first and last name.

[00:18:02] He has company finances, he owns his company, I don't have access to.

[00:18:06] There were no other emails but his email had been emptied out a few days ago so nothing

[00:18:11] is older than a week.

[00:18:12] Opie comes in with their first update that says sorry about the late update, my post

[00:18:17] was locked by the time I got to it.

[00:18:19] I'm currently writing this on the ride upstate.

[00:18:22] Yesterday I posted about an email I had gotten on my husband's email from an apartment

[00:18:25] complex talking about fixing the water.

[00:18:28] My husband who is upstate visiting his mother until Saturday has next to no cell service

[00:18:33] so I haven't been able to talk to him about any of this other than saying that the email

[00:18:37] must have been a mix up.

[00:18:39] My friend called and got his apartment number from the maintenance man.

[00:18:42] Both of us went over to the apartment and my friend knocked the door.

[00:18:46] The girl answered but didn't answer the door, just the bell camera.

[00:18:50] My friend said she was there looking for Adam.

[00:18:52] The girl said that Adam wasn't there but wouldn't give her more information than

[00:18:56] that.

[00:18:57] Which I get, my friend was just a total stranger at her door.

[00:19:00] When we left I could see her looking out the apartment window at us.

[00:19:03] I tried to call my husband a thousand times yesterday and nothing went through.

[00:19:08] A few times the call did pick up, the service was so bad you could barely hear anything.

[00:19:13] So I'm heading upstate to confront him in person.

[00:19:16] I have a copy of the email as well as a photo of the apartment as well as a recording of

[00:19:21] the girl saying that Adam wasn't there which is confirmation to me that she knows him.

[00:19:26] If this is somehow all a big misunderstanding I'm going to have my husband explain it

[00:19:30] to me in person instead of waiting until he comes home.

[00:19:34] I haven't gotten a chance to read all the comments but will go through them now and try

[00:19:38] to respond to what I can.

[00:19:39] I haven't slept so I hope this all makes sense.

[00:19:43] Edit

[00:19:44] To everyone telling me that I should just wait, not confront him, talk to her first.

[00:19:48] He's my husband, he's the father of my children.

[00:19:50] If I'm going to find out that he's cheating on me it's going to be from him.

[00:19:54] I'm going to say this for the last time, please stop advising me not to talk to my husband

[00:19:59] about this very serious situation that we're in.

[00:20:01] I will talk to a lawyer if need be.

[00:20:04] However, we have been married for over a decade, we have a family and a life together.

[00:20:08] I'm going to talk to him.

[00:20:11] Understand what the situation probably is.

[00:20:14] Understand that he's probably going to try and lie to me.

[00:20:16] I'm not a moron.

[00:20:18] Corfiz says to OP, wouldn't it have been better to get a story first and confront him with

[00:20:22] all the facts?

[00:20:24] Now he's just going to lie and deflect his ass off and make you look like the crazy bad

[00:20:28] guy.

[00:20:29] Would've come up with a doozy of a story by now.

[00:20:32] Did you at least use his photo with the maintenance guy so that you have visual confirmation it's

[00:20:36] him?

[00:20:37] OP says, how can I get her story when she's barely willing to say anything to my friend?

[00:20:42] The reason why we didn't push her is because she wasn't giving us any information and we're

[00:20:46] worried that she was going to call the police.

[00:20:49] My friend tried to ask her more questions but she wasn't giving her any information.

[00:20:53] So OP came in with what they titled their final update and said I'm writing this from

[00:20:58] a hotel room.

[00:21:00] I went to confront my husband.

[00:21:01] He knew the minute my car pulled up what was going on.

[00:21:04] He came outside to meet me and the first thing he said was, did you go to the apartment?

[00:21:09] And I told him yeah.

[00:21:10] So he said, so I guess we have to have a talk.

[00:21:13] And again I said yeah.

[00:21:16] I'm not going to get into the exact details of it.

[00:21:18] It was a long talk and it involved a lot of emotions.

[00:21:22] She is his girlfriend.

[00:21:23] They've been together for 4 months.

[00:21:25] He is under the impression that we are separated and going through the divorce process.

[00:21:30] His family wasn't aware of this.

[00:21:32] His brother and mother who were there were horrified.

[00:21:36] I'm sorry I don't have more to say.

[00:21:37] I've already contacted a divorce lawyer, a therapist and a financial advisor.

[00:21:43] Thanks to everyone for your support.

[00:21:46] Married Life says I'm so sorry.

[00:21:48] I'm guessing the girlfriend messaged him which is why he knew why you were there.

[00:21:52] Be sure to log into your bank accounts and if you feel it is necessary take a screenshot

[00:21:56] and withdraw half of it into a new account just under your name.

[00:22:00] Opie says she did not message him.

[00:22:02] He gets no service up there.

[00:22:04] He just saw the car pulling up and put 2 and 2 together.

[00:22:08] Don't give up says how did he pay for this?

[00:22:10] Probably well over 4 months without you noticing.

[00:22:13] Opie says his company funds.

[00:22:16] Mooney Sandcat says my dear that sounds like embezzlement and this is a whole other can

[00:22:21] of worms.

[00:22:22] Yeah the first time Opie mentioned about his company funds and he's got access to that

[00:22:27] money and I thought what how is he spending that money because you can get in big trouble

[00:22:31] for doing that if it's not for the company etc.

[00:22:34] What do you guys reckon?

[00:22:35] Do you reckon Opie should be informing the girlfriend because clearly she thought that

[00:22:39] they were already going through a divorce.

[00:22:41] I'd imagine she's equally confused about what the hell is going on at the moment.

[00:22:46] And I know it's not the point of these stories but I always feel like this every time when

[00:22:50] people are leading these double lives I think who the bloody hell has got time for this

[00:22:55] you know.

[00:22:56] It just sounds like an exhausting way to live your life.

[00:22:59] Like I said I know it's not the point of the story I know it's absolutely all fucking awful

[00:23:03] but that always pops into my head.

[00:23:06] Like living in one place living in another with all the other stuff going on you know

[00:23:10] your job having meals with your partner you know spending time together it just sounds

[00:23:14] exhausting.

[00:23:15] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:23:18] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.