I'm Going To BREAK UP With My Girlfriend After Her Ex's Funeral r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well and happy Boxing Day to you. This is our last little compilation over the Christmas period. Again, if you're like me, it's absolutely chaos over this few days. Visiting family members, cooking, preparing, all that kind of stuff. So I hope this keeps you going today whilst you're doing whatever you're up to and I wish you and your families all the best. Much love to you. Let's crack on.

[00:00:26] Today's first story comes from VisualLifeguard8937 from the Am I the Arse All Here subreddit and says, Am I the Arse All Here wanting to break up with my girlfriend after her ex's funeral? So, my girlfriend and I have been together for about 4 years. She used to be close friends with her ex. However, he tried to make a move on her while she and I were together. So she cut off their friendship.

[00:00:51] They knew each other for about 10 years. They were high school sweethearts and stayed together throughout college. They broke up because he did not want kids. He died recently and my girlfriend was invited to the funeral. While I wasn't happy, so to speak, to see my girlfriend cry about this guy, I swallowed my emotions and offered my full support. She asked me to come with her. Here's where things get messy. She kept talking about she wishes they never broke up in the first place. And I'm going to ask her if she wanted to come with her.

[00:01:44] You know, whenever I talk about stories about losing someone, I talk about grief. I always say, you know, grieve in your own way. As long as it's healthy, we all deal with loss in different ways. But this didn't feel like that. She's absolutely fine to be, you know, be sad about losing him and, you know, talking about what a great guy he was. Yes, you may feel uncomfortable from that, but that is acceptable.

[00:02:09] However, she talked about her potential future life, what could have been with her ex and not OP, which is just like so disrespectful that she basically loved him more than you. How embarrassing would that been? You was invited to this funeral. So you had to sit there. Whilst I assume everyone knows that you're her boyfriend and she sort of gushed about him in front of everyone. Being told that you're basically second best, that you're living in this guy's shadow.

[00:02:37] But next status says not the arsehole. People can say be understanding she's dealing with a heavy loss, but that doesn't magically fix the sting of words she said that hurt you. If this was within six months of the breakup, maybe I'd be more understanding. However, you've been together for four years. They ended due to his desire to not have children. So not only is she hurting you, she's lying about a dead guy by telling everyone the fantasy life she had imagined for them as if it was Holy Rit. What the fuck?

[00:03:07] She's more than allowed to feel grief due to their decade-long history. However, she's not allowed to treat you as less than, second, or just good enough. You 100% deserve someone who puts you first always, with very rare exceptions, and this ain't one of them, honey. As I'm sure you've done for her. Hell, you went with her to the funeral of her ex because she asked. You were there for her, and she showed you where you rank in the grand scheme of things. Leave for you. Choose to put yourself first because guess what?

[00:03:36] She showed you in a room full of people where you rank. You deserve more than this betrayal. Boomer Quest says not the asshole. It's completely unacceptable for her to say those things to you. She's full-on telling you that you're the backup, and she cares so little about you that she'll just tell you to your face with no remorse or consideration for your feelings. Insane. Opie responded, to be clear, she didn't say these things to me. She was talking to others. Exciting Tabletop replies to that, saying,

[00:04:05] That is worse. I guess she's hurting, but she told everyone that you don't matter to her. And we're just a backup. It's no longer your problem. Move on to someone that does love you for you. If she was drugged up from a surgery, sure, you might let it slide, but she knew what she was saying. Talk it over with her, but honestly, expect to walk. Another user says it's one thing to think something because you were grieving.

[00:04:30] It's another to invite your boyfriend to a funeral, then say that thing in front of him and everyone else. At minimum, this is extraordinarily cruel of her, and she should have known better even if she was grieving. How'd you even come back from that? And a final comment from Bemis70 says,

[00:06:18] Something also to note is that some of you actually pointed my attention to another post. One that's about a girl going to her ex's funeral. I read the post, and I didn't know if it was actually my girlfriend or not. Some details are different, like our age. We're both 30. Also, I never said anything about breaking up with her before going to the funeral. I wasn't exactly happy to see her mourn the guy who wanted to sleep with her while she was with me, but I didn't actually say anything.

[00:06:46] Now, that post admitted that she actually cheated. I thought about this for a second, but it doesn't matter. Because if she cheated or not, I already broke up with her. I did have a talk with her. She refused to at first, but not responding to me. But when I told her I was leaving, she finally said something to me. I basically told her that I feel like crap ever since she said those things at the funeral. How I feel she would rather be with her ex than me. I felt like her second choice.

[00:07:13] She started to yell at me, calling me selfish. And that she's lost one of the most important people in her life, and I shouldn't make this about me. I was too tired to try and yell back. My thing's already packed up. I'm staying with my parents for a while. Our lease doesn't expire for a few months. I don't know what she's planning to do. I don't know what to do now. I thought I was going to marry this girl someday and have kids, but she wanted someone else all this time.

[00:07:39] I appreciate all the comments, and I don't know if I'm going to post another update, but thank you. Before we move on to the next update, a couple of comments. Ricky Descardo says, and quotes about the section calling me selfish, and says, Here's the thing. She didn't lose one of the most important people in her life. She made it clear that she lost the most important person in her life. In quotes about how she kept talking about how they never broke up in the first place, and says, I don't know what other conclusion to read from this.

[00:08:05] I could certainly see feeling sad or down when an ex that you've known for a significant part of your life passes away. But that's not only what occurred. She wishes they never broke up. She never met someone who loved her as much as he did. And if things had been different, they would still be together. In each of those thoughts, you are at best second place. Never include you. She is with you because they broke up. She doesn't think you can ever love her as much as he did.

[00:08:33] And if things were different with him, she would not be with you. Is she mourning him and the significance he had in her life? Or is she mourning someone she still loved and mourning the loss of the opportunity to still be with him? You're not selfish, and you do not want to be with someone where you will always be a placeholder. So, a couple of months later, Opie comes in again and says, I got a lot of support from this subreddit last time and I appreciate it, so I figure I should update you all.

[00:08:59] It's the day before Valentine's, and I'd actually planned something for my girlfriend before this whole mess started. I can't help but to think of her. Our shared friend group didn't side against me, but they've been supportive. Both of us, it seems. I've explained to them why we broke up, and they're all pretty understanding. My friend and his girlfriend are friends to both of us, and I've asked them about my ex. Apparently, she hasn't been doing good. She's back to work.

[00:09:26] She took like two weeks off work, but besides that, she hasn't been out of the apartment. She hasn't tried to reach me, and I haven't tried to reach her. Our lease expires next month, so I don't know what she's planning to do. She could afford the rent on her own, but she'd be scraping by. I've been tempted to reach out. I hated breaking up, but I hate even more how we broke up. It feels like I left her behind, when she needs me the most.

[00:09:51] If she reacted like this to anyone else, I'd be there for her, no questions asked. But I know better. I know I'd be resentful because she still wants her ex over me. I wanted to thank everyone for the support last time, and I guess this is just me venting. A lot of people telling OP that they did the right thing and should just continue doing what they're doing, but six weeks later, OP update saying she finally reached out. I came back from work to my folks place, and she was there.

[00:10:20] My mum let her wait for me. While I'm upset with my mum for letting her in and not giving me a heads up, that's another issue. When I came back, my mum went to the store to give her some privacy. I was a mess inside, but I held it in. She asked how I was and what I've been up to, and we talked as if we were just catching up. I finally asked what exactly she wanted. She said she's sorry for what she did and regrets how things ended between us. She went on to say that she did genuinely love me.

[00:10:48] And she did want to start a family, but the sudden death of her ex simply hit her too hard. She says she's sorry for what she said and that she didn't mean them. I didn't say anything and was just trying to process what was going on. She didn't actually ask me to get back together. I told her that no matter what she said now, I can't forget what she said at the funeral and how she acted afterwards. She said she understood and just wanted to talk to me. I told her that I don't think we can be friends and that I don't hate her, but I just don't want to be near her.

[00:11:18] She left and I was left a wreck. She seems to be okay. She looked healthier than the last time I saw her. I'm actually moving out from my folks place and I'm not going to tell her. I'm going to make sure my parents don't say anything. I hope that was the last time I see her, at least for a long while. Oh, and one quick thing I wanted to mention. My name is off the lease at our old place. The landlady was very understanding. I figured I should mention that because a lot of you told me about that. And big bias is on the back of that one.

[00:11:47] Your ex-girlfriend is still lying to herself. In her mind, she didn't do anything that wrong. She's already moving on. She came back to tell you she decided it was one of those wacky things. That's all you ever get for closure with people like her. It's best to delete all pictures of her. Give away everything she ever gave you. Don't ever use her name. Just refer to her as my ex. She lied to you because she was lying to herself. She always held out a little hope that he'd grow up and get his shit together. When he did, they could finally be together.

[00:12:17] When he died, that hope ended. That's why she's just walking away now. You are always her. Mr. Right Now. And I'm not sure I felt exactly the same way as that comment afterwards. I just kind of felt like this is the best possible thing in this situation. That they both just move on their separate ways. I don't think OP was ever going to come back and be able to have a relationship with her. Knowing where his position would be. She came back, apologized.

[00:12:44] Explained how she was feeling in that particular moment. And look, OP doesn't have to forgive it. They haven't. They didn't even have to listen if they didn't want to. OP said that I don't think we can be friends. And that he doesn't hate her. And that's that. They're just going their separate ways now. Which like I said, I think is the best. Potentially one of the best outcomes in this particular situation. But what do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:13:12] Let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from EfficientWedding80 from the Am I The Asshole subreddit. That says, Am I the asshole for not telling my dad I got rejected by college on the day the result came out? I, 16 male, am a senior in high school and applying to colleges. I applied to 8 colleges and got 3 rejections. 2 of which I thought I'd get in. The other 5 are much harder.

[00:13:39] And I already know it's pretty much certain I'll be rejected from 2 of them. My dad, my mum passed away so he raised me, is really disappointed with my results. He's so disappointed that he went to school to talk to my counselor and called me lazy in front of him. And my friends are getting into good colleges, which makes my dad even more mad at me. I thought my stats were enough to get into college, ranked 3rd in class.

[00:14:06] 1,580 SAT, took 4 AP exams and got 5s in all. Captain of the sports team I play for, founded a volunteer project that raised 30k and other stuff. Since I know my dad is really mad at me. This week, the result of another college I thought I'd get into came out and I got rejected. I didn't tell my dad right away because I didn't have the courage. I didn't want to see him, even sadder, with me.

[00:14:34] I waited for the best time to tell him, but when I did, he didn't find out from someone else. He wasn't too happy that I took so long to tell him. Also, this week my best friend since I was 8 got a likely letter from Harvard. Meaning he'll probably get in. We're both only children. He's like a brother to me and I can't imagine my life without our friendship. I was so happy and we're supposed to spend today together to celebrate. But my dad banned me from leaving the house and using the car.

[00:15:02] He said it's because of my behavior of not trusting him by not immediately telling him about the application result. And for me to reflect on what I did throughout all the years in school and getting these results. So on the happiest day of my best friend's life, who grew up with me, who's like a brother, whose parents always took care of me as if I were their son. My dad is prohibiting me from being with him. Was I such an asshole for not telling him immediately? I think my dad overreacted. Edit.

[00:15:32] Dad is a high achiever. Has a PhD from a top school and is very smart. My mom died when I was 3 years old. So my dad raised me alone. I always find stories like this just incredibly sad. 16 years old. Man, when I was 16 I didn't know what I was doing. So you sound like an absolutely amazing person that's achieving amazing things at your age. I can't even comprehend what you were achieving. I didn't understand a lot of those results.

[00:16:00] But you sound like an amazing son that anyone should be proud of. I'm telling you now, he should be turning around to you no matter what happens with your college and saying I am incredibly proud of you. Regardless of where you go. And he should be reflecting on, in my opinion, on his behavior. He's the one that's caused this distrust. To the point where you were too nervous to tell him about that. That is just heartbreaking.

[00:16:27] I couldn't imagine, you know, your hypothetical child not wanting to come up to you and share these details with you. Because they're too nervous to tell you. Because you're going to put them down, shout at them because of these results. And I just find that heartbreaking for you. But Tofu Bourne says not the arsehole. You're not an application machine. You're a human with impressive stats who hit a bump on the college road. Not blasting bad news the second it arrives doesn't make you the bad guy. Especially when dealing with rejection isn't as easy as pie.

[00:16:57] Dad's reaction? Overkill. Grounding you for not being a speedpost messenger and missing out on BFF's big day. That's not a lesson. That's a punishment looking for a crime. Time for dad to switch from Disappointment Express to Support Central. Remember, even superheroes need a moment to regroup after a setback. Opie says what pisses me off the most is not being able to hang out with my best friend. He said he was going to bring his folks over to talk to my dad.

[00:17:26] But I think that's just going to make things worse. My dad's doing it on purpose because he knows nothing would piss me off more than missing out on this day with my friend. So I felt dizzy says I feel like your dad should go to his room and reflect on how he arrived at this point where his exceptional son who achieved 99th percentile scores cannot trust him not to overreact to less than perfect news. Full disclosure though. The way he's talking to you reminds me of how I was treated by some teachers for having ADHD.

[00:17:55] I feel really cross about what he has done. And Little Panda says yeah. I mean short of something like bad media attention Opie's stats were all good. Opie is kind of proving he's right about his dad's reaction. Does the dad not realize that Harvard denies plenty of valedictorians and people with perfect SAT scores every year? College isn't just to just be valedictorian slash get perfect SAT scores and get instant college acceptance. Especially now.

[00:18:22] I went to a decent state school and I'm pretty sure I'd have been rejected if I applied a few years ago instead of decades ago. But Opie comes in with our update and says first of all I wanted to thank you all for the support I received from you. You guys were really cool and made me feel calmer at the time when I was very sad. Yesterday my dad came into my room for the first time in my life and he apologized to me. He said he loves me very much regardless of any outcome and that his behavior in recent times has not been right.

[00:18:51] He hugged me and said I was the most important thing in the world to him. I think my dad did this also because today the MIT results were coming out. Which is one of the colleges I applied to as a reach. And I got in. Damn it. I got into MIT. I got into MIT. I opened the results and it was just me and my dad here in front of the laptop. It was the most exciting feeling of my life. We hugged and cried. I'm going to study at MIT.

[00:19:21] A couple of comments after that. Inappropriate access. Woo. Congrats. And good for your dad. It can be hard for a parent to apologize to their kid and it's wonderful that he was able to. Enjoy MIT. The Sky Elf says I don't think a lot of parents realize how important those honest apologies are. I'm glad Opie's father could. Savan says I remember clearly my dad sitting. Down when I was maybe 10 and apologizing for smacking me when I was younger. That he had got it completely wrong. That was 35 years ago.

[00:19:51] And he's been gone for six years. And that conversation is still intensely important to me. And I agree that you know apologies is definitely a step in the right direction. Part of me was thinking though what if opening that letter was a negative result. I'm not trying to put a downer on things at all. But what if it was a negative result. How would the dad have acted then? You know he's happy now because Opie's going to MIT. But I hope that it was really a turning point.

[00:20:19] Dad does truly reflect on the way that he's treated his son. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now our next story comes from Horse Horse Cow who says me 26 female with my boyfriend 27 males. Sister 28 female held my yard with gnomes. I got rid of them after two months and boyfriend is furious.

[00:20:50] I'm not sure what to do. My boyfriend's sister Chrissy pulled a prank on me two months ago. She left about 50 gnomes in my front yard. No warning they were just there. I called people and asked them but no one would tell me. I guess this is part of the prank. I fucking had no clue what was going on. Eventually the kids in the neighborhood started picking them off so I brought them inside my garage. Two of them were pretty cute so I cleaned them up and put them in the house.

[00:21:19] I waited for someone to come clean but no one did. After three weeks I decided I was just going to donate them. A few friends asked if they could have some and I let them. I started giving them to people who commented on one being interesting or cute. I told my boyfriend about my army and he laughed. I thought he might have done it but he said he honestly didn't. So I believed him. Well, he went on a four week trip with his family to Europe.

[00:21:46] I got a few emails from him but we were both busy. I went on a trip myself for work and for pleasure. So when he got back he asked how the gnomes were treating me and I let him know most of them had found new homes. He got really silent and asked how many I had left. I told him ten. He asked who took them and said we needed to get them back. I was confused. It had been two months and the gnomes were kind of a funny story but I don't remember everyone who took one

[00:22:16] let alone the kids who picked about ten off the lawn. He then told me they belonged to Chrissy who I thought had just stored them in my garage. Which is why she didn't pick them up before the trip. Chrissy is his sister. Apparently Chrissy has been pulling the gnome army prank for years and I am the bitch who gave away her army. My boyfriend is furious with me and asked why I would do that. I told him he should have come clean and I would have just kept them in my garage for her to pick up later.

[00:22:44] He said it wasn't how the prank worked. He said he needs to rethink the relationship. He wants me to get them back as they are dear to Chrissy. Chrissy doesn't know yet. I'm not sure what to do about this. I had a few people offer to return their gnomes but the rest of the people said they gave them away to so and so and didn't know where they were now. This is such a surreal situation and I have no fucking clue what to do about it. I don't see how I was wrong but I feel bad

[00:23:12] so what can I do? I don't understand their logic in this situation. You knew nothing about what the hell was going on. Just a bunch of gnomes that had turned up on your front lawn. You know to even leave them on your front lawn anyway if they're that precious to Chrissy it's just insane because anything could happen to them. If someone randomly left a whole bunch of gnomes in my front garden I'd be like first what the fuck is going on and secondly you know after a matter of time I'd be like yeah they gotta go

[00:23:41] you got to store 50 gnomes somewhere. I mean that's a lot of space by the sounds of it but regardless you're not responsible for this and the fact that he's saying that he needs to rethink the relationship because of this. But the first commenter says they have no reason to try and hold you accountable for not following the unreasonable rules of a game you didn't know about. Give back the gnomes you have but don't feel like you have to acquiesce and go out of your way to try and recover the gnomes that are lost. That's not your business. They left a bunch of stuff on somebody else's property

[00:24:11] unannounced and unidentified and you shouldn't be blamed for cleaning up your property. Opie says I'm willing to give back the ones I have and have gotten three back from people. Drunker Clunker says and quotes Opie saying I told him he should come clean and I would have just kept them in my garage for her to pick up later. He said it wasn't how the prank worked and then said Oh I get it so how the prank works is you secretly leave someone these 50 yard gnomes and then you wait two months until they start getting rid of them

[00:24:40] because what else are they going to do with them? And then you come clean like Oh my god no those were mine and they're super special and you act super offended and it gets all dramatic and everyone has a good laugh. Right? Great prank. Sigourney laughs and says What the actual fuck? God damn girl if this dude and his sister are too dense to realize that no one is going to hang on to 50 gnomes for two plus months while they figure out who they belong to I don't think there's any help for them. Show him this post responses

[00:25:10] He's being ridiculous. You cannot reasonably expect someone to keep 50 fucking garden gnomes. If they were that precious to her she should have come clean about it after a week to ensure that she got them back. Two months is absolutely preposterous. I would have donated the lot of them. Actually I probably would have recycled them all. Don't feel bad. Your boyfriend isn't being fair at all. Edit I bet he borrowed them from her and he set the whole thing up. Then he neglected to come clean

[00:25:39] even if he swears he didn't do it. I don't believe him at this point based on his reaction. You gave away the gnomes that he borrowed from his sister and now he realized she might be upset and is blaming you. What a dum-dum. Sorry. Another commenter said here's my bet on what happened. Boyfriend decided to pull the gnome prank on you without telling Chrissy. Because he knew they were his he probably felt almost like he was storing them himself. Your SO's place does start to feel like your own after a while.

[00:26:08] Too bad he never let you in on this part of the plan and you did what most people would do with abandoned stuff. Toss or donate. Now he's facing the prospect of telling Chrissy he took the gnomes and lost them. And one more comment saying similar saying I highly doubt it was his sister's prank. If she cared about the gnomes that much no way she would have left them on your lawn for two months. Also he probably would have immediately told her that she was losing gnomes fast instead of continuing to keep quiet. His reaction makes me think

[00:26:38] he borrowed the gnomes from someone who didn't realize they weren't going to get them back. He done fucked up and instead of owning up to it he's trying to make you feel like shit. Seriously that's not how the prank works. Rethink the relationship. Is he always this sensitive? You can ask him what's really going on. Is this really about the gnomes? You seem disproportionately upset over a prank gone wrong. And slash or if you want to keep the peace you could try apologizing to the sister. Even though it's not really your fault.

[00:27:09] So OP comes back in with an update and says I decided to bite the bullet and talk to Chrissy. I brought the gnomes I had to her house and knocked on the door. Chrissy's mum answered and asked me in. I was tired of the immaturity and mind games. My boyfriend has been sending me threatening get me more gnomes bitch type texts. I could see a lot of red flags or red hats if you are so inclined. I wanted Chrissy to have her gnomes back and just get it over with.

[00:27:37] When I handed Mrs. Mum the open box she asked where I got these. She seemed really upset. I even had them. I told her the story. Pretty much what I said in the last post but with some more detail. Her reply was Joe has been telling a totally different story. She seemed really hurt about the whole thing and while I wanted to make a quick getaway I was fucking curious. Blah blah blah. Mrs. Mum told me a little bit of background. I'm not going to repeat everything she said

[00:28:07] because some of it's sad and pathetic and a little too dark for a post about a gnome invasion. The gnome army belonged to Chrissy's late boyfriend Steve. Steve and Chrissy used to put them in people's yards and then demand another member for their army. So the gnomes came from people Steve and Chrissy knew over a period of about five years. Steve passed away. Chrissy stopped the gnome pranks and put them into storage. She has not pulled the prank in almost two years now

[00:28:34] but freaks out if someone mentions getting rid of the gnomes or even moving the box. I felt like an arsehole but Mrs. Mum thanked me for bringing some of them back. She did say the annoying line you should have kept them even if you didn't know who they belonged to. She did say she was going to replace the gnomes in the boxes with other ones and hope Chrissy didn't notice. Not sure this is a smart idea. She said she wanted to believe me but that this is likely the last time she'd want me in her house.

[00:29:05] Gee, thanks. I said that was fine. I had no intentions of staying in a family who pulled weird pranks then blamed the victims. One bridge burned. I mean, I understand she is likely upset because Chrissy apparently doesn't handle any mention of Steve well. She is likely going to be upset and never speak to the person at fault again which is likely me. How I got them out of storage unit three hours away. The mystery will likely haunt their family for years. As for my now ex-boyfriend

[00:29:34] I went to his house and asked him why he pulled a prank. His answer was stupid and telling. I don't know. He wouldn't answer me and he wouldn't tell me what was going on. He said he just wanted to do something cute and it got out of hand and he thought I would keep them. Something about having his own little secret made him happy. I got my things from his room and left. I told him that our mutual friend Jake would bring his stuff by at a later time. Jake agreed to this and said Joe's story was BS.

[00:30:04] I guess Joe told people I got the gnomes out of the storage unit and put them in the yard to get attention. That totally makes sense. I guess it was a spiteful to do but I did send Chrissy a message on Facebook. The message said, Chrissy, I don't think we'll be friends after this. I know you want to believe your brother but I did not take your gnomes. I did not know why they were in my yard or even that you had them. Please understand I would never aim to hurt, steal or take from you.

[00:30:34] Your brother admitted to putting them in my yard though I have no idea why he did it. I hope he continues. I got an okay back and she blocked me. I blocked Joe and his family and I'm not sure what to do now. But it has been a really interesting few weeks for sure. And a couple of final comments from OP. Someone said, you know, she's got a great story to tell people which, you know, it is. OP says, yeah, it's pretty weird. Has to be the strangest end to a relationship I ever had.

[00:31:03] And I have some doozy ex-boyfriends. I have a doozy. Someone suggests to OP, it's gotta be a troll post imagining sort of like a bunch of adults having a feud over gnomes. OP says, dude, why the fuck would I want an argument about gnomes? I returned what I had. I got rid of the ones that were in the yard. And the issue was the fact my boyfriend lied and made it into a huge deal. And OP says one more thing saying, even I can't take this seriously.

[00:31:31] This is a shitty thing to do to anyone. But the fact that Chrissy had some sort of secret gnome army belonging to a dead boyfriend seems so creepy. And my ex is just, yeah, was an asshole thing to do. Gnome or no gnome. I personally didn't find that the gnome thing creepy, you know, she's obviously going through a lot of stuff, losing her partner. And I'm not excusing any of the behavior from that side of the family, by the way. It's just going down that path, you know.

[00:32:01] And although most of the time on this channel, you know, the pranks always go wrong. Another example right here. I kind of like the idea of what they used to do as a couple, like putting the gnomes in people's yard and then like, you must add to the army. I thought it was quite a funny idea. But back on the weird object, something that has a memory for most of my family was an old plate, like a dinner plate. And it was like an old British World War I helmet. It was white and it was chipped with little black bits. And it was just like,

[00:32:30] it's like the worst looking plate you've ever seen in your life. But it's something that brings back memories for all of us when we see it. You know, it's absolutely worthless in monetary value. But to us, that memory is just wonderful. But how about you guys? Is there any sort of like items that you keep from past family members that bring you some joy to keep around? OP's totally right from getting themselves away from that family at this moment in time.

[00:32:58] Boyfriends are more on mums not helping the situation by trying to lie to Chrissy about this whole situation. And again, not excusing Chrissy's behavior and blocking you or anything like that. Because again, it's not OP's fault. But she's clearly dealing with a lot of shit as well. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. And our next story does have an update as well.

[00:33:27] It's from Revengeance666 from the Am I the Asshole? And the Am I the Asshole here subreddit and says, Am I the asshole for not kicking my friends out of my house when my nephews came over? I, 26 female, had this happen yesterday. And so far, my family keeps saying I'm in the wrong. So, I was spending my first Saturday off in weeks planning an outing with my friends. But at the last minute, my sister asked if I could babysit my twin nine-year-old nephews.

[00:33:55] Since her mother-in-law was having a medical emergency, they had to go to the hospital. I agreed because I know her mother-in-law has heart issues. She's already had a pacemaker put in. So, I cancelled my plans and my brother-in-law brought the kids over. Since some of my friends were already over, they helped me watch my nephews and we did some family-friendly activities. Like watch Scooby-Doo, order pizza and play around with my child-safe face paints along with some Mario games. Sounds like a good time.

[00:34:24] It wasn't the weekend I planned, but it was fun and my nephews and friends enjoyed themselves too. Thankfully, my friends haven't met the twins before at events I've invited them to so I didn't think it was an issue that I didn't chase them out of my home the moment the boys were dropped off. When my brother-in-law and sister came late that night to pick up the kids, they were surprised to see my friends there and my brother-in-law asked if they just came back. I explained they didn't and that we just made a day of taking care of the kids. It both gave me looks and took the kids home.

[00:34:54] Me and my friends pulled out the wine and some ice cream and decided to watch horror movies. Midway through, I got a text from my sister demanding to know why I let strangers around her children without letting her know. I told her she dropped the kids on me last minute and she knows the four would come over today and the two of them live at least an hour away from her so sending them back would have been rude. My brother-in-law also messaged me saying he felt uncomfortable that I allowed strange women to touch his children.

[00:35:22] I literally know my friends, husbands and wives. I don't get why they're making a big deal about it but today I woke up to more messages of how I endangered the kids by having them around strangers and worse, alcohol in the house. We got drunk and posted pictures around midnight I guess. Don't remember much beyond the Insta post. Most of our relatives are saying I prioritized my friends over my nephew's safety and I'm confused as fuck. The only one on my side and weirdly is my sister's mother-in-law

[00:35:52] who turns out never was at the hospital so I don't even know where my sister and brother-in-law were all day yesterday. I don't know. The twins have dropped off on me at the last second. My friends are known by the family. We never drank or did anything adult until after the kids went home. Did I seriously fuck up here? I'm so confused. And By the Brook quotes the section about the mother-in-law not being in the hospital at all and the commenter says your sister's mother-in-law is on your side

[00:36:22] because she knows your sister lied to you about a medical emergency. I wouldn't be surprised if your brother-in-law is running an offense to distract from their lies. Now your family are focused on what you did when babysitting, not your sister's lies in leaving her kids with you in the first place. Simple solution, they shouldn't ask you to babysit your nephews again. Since you did such a poor job in their opinion. Not the arsehole. Pink Spotted Butterfly says not the arsehole. You did them a favor

[00:36:50] and you didn't have the kids in a dangerous situation. You sacrificed your night and your friends were kind enough to help it make it fun for the boys. Next time tell them one of them will have to stay and watch their own kids or let them pay a professional to do it. Neo says not the arsehole and I'd forward screenshots of those messages to said friends and tell them that apparently they're dangerous to children so they could all have a laugh over it. I'd fully understand if it was friends your family didn't know. But as you said, they do know them.

[00:37:20] And frankly, if I'm trusting kids to my sibling, I'm also trusting that said sibling can be trusted to vouch for other people that might be around the house. If I didn't trust a sibling's judgment like that, I wouldn't have had them watch the kids in the first place. And the alcohol thing is just the cherry on top of the icing on the cake. Do they really think you were exposing the kids to alcohol? You specifically kept it packed away until after they left. It's like uppity drama mums being butthurt because they saw a teacher having a drink at a restaurant on a Friday night.

[00:37:50] Buddy, your fam needs a reality check. Badly. So OP came in with an update and says, So people wanted an update on what happened after I spoke to my sister's mother-in-law and basically had to force the truth out of my sister and brother-in-law by threatening to call our parents and well, the reason they wanted me to babysit was extremely stupid. So let me give you guys a little info on my sister and brother-in-law. Before they had twins, they were into the swingers scene.

[00:38:19] After they were born, they stopped. Or that's what they told everyone. Turns out, the twins rolled enough to be left alone. They would have mother-in-law babysit while they went off to clubs. She figured it out and refused to babysit anymore so they moved on to our parents who also apparently said the same thing. They also threatened to stop helping them pay the mortgage on their house if they didn't start being better parents. So that left me. Apparently, they've used me to watch the twins to go out with couples before but this time was a last minute date they had

[00:38:48] so they lied about mother-in-law's health. The thing that started all this was due to one of our aunts seeing them that day. Were the other couple and they were afraid of this getting back to me or to our parents who already told them they'd stop helping them with their mortgage if they kept up their swingers lifestyle while the twins were still little. So, when they saw me posting pictures later that night, they decided to lie and say that I invited people over after I agreed to watch the twins for the week so they could have a Valentine's child-free week

[00:39:17] and spread this through the grapevine. They hoped that people would be too busy being furious at me for being an irresponsible aunt. Enough that our aunt would be too busy with the family drama to remember what she saw that day. So, yep, this was the BS they pulled on me. Mother-in-law was with me when I told my parents who were livid that my sister lied to them. Parents are telling the rest of our relatives through family chat what happened. They're going to talk to my sister and brother-in-law later so I have no idea how that's going to go. But, yep,

[00:39:47] apparently they made up this whole lie just to cover up the fact that they went out with another couple and dumped the twins on me for it. So, yeah, not the craziest update I've seen here. Sorry about that. But, thought I'd let you guys know. Edit, I don't care that they're swingers. I'm just annoyed that they lied to me to get me to watch my nephews. And someone asked a question saying, are the twins your brother-in-law's? So, he says, the kids are his. Even without the DNA test, they looked like him when he was their age. I hope he said at the end there

[00:40:17] that not the craziest updates. It took me by surprise, I gotta say. When it said, the swing of lifestyle that everyone seemed to know about. He's like, what the fuck? Anyway, what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, our next story comes from Disastrous Day 3751 from the Am I the Asshole subreddit and is titled Am I the Asshole for being mad at the best man's girlfriend from making him choose between a dog

[00:40:46] and our wedding. And it says, my fiance, male 29, and I, female 26, got engaged last October after six years together and planned to marry this October. We both have a very complicated family so we thought a lot about our wedding and decided that we just want peace and don't want to worry about all the family drama. So, we plan to get married in Italy with only our best man and maid of honor. It's only a four-hour drive

[00:41:16] to a small city we once discovered on a road trip. We invited my maid of honor slash his best man to the wedding, call him Mike, male 29, and told him that they could bring their significant other also. The trip would be fully paid and Mike is my fiance's best friend since kindergarten. Mike's girlfriend, let's call her Courtney, female 28, and him are together for three years. We were very welcoming towards her and I befriended her also. We did a lot of things together,

[00:41:46] helped them move and build their home. Mike and Courtney are getting a dog, hopefully in September. So, Mike told us he needed a different hotel because the one we chose is not dog friendly and at the time of our wedding, October, they would probably have the dog. We apologized and looked for another hotel. Any text that Courtney thinks the dog wouldn't make the long drive, which we understood. We said that there are probably a lot of friends and family who could take the dog, but Courtney

[00:42:15] doesn't want that. Mike told us that Courtney would probably stay home with the dog and he would travel alone. Here comes the drama. The following day, Mike wrote us that he will not come to our wedding because Courtney doesn't want to be alone with the dog for the weekend and she also would like to attend the wedding. Courtney wrote to me that we could change our wedding month or the place, maybe just a wedding in our hometown, so that they would come. I said no. If we married in our hometown,

[00:42:44] the families would want to attend and all the drama between parents and siblings stress us out. My fiancé asked Mike again if he couldn't come alone and he finally told us that Courtney threatened to end the relationship if he doesn't stay with her and the dog. My fiancé was absolutely sad and disappointed and told Mike his feelings. He's normally not over-emotional but that was hard for him. Courtney wrote me the following day as if nothing has happened and I told her that I'm absolutely

[00:43:14] disappointed in her and can't understand her behavior and how she puts this dog who is in absolutely no danger or need to have two people dog-sitting him over our wedding and kind of expected her to apologize for all the stress she put us through. She called me insensitive and an offensive person, a bridezilla who wants her wedding above everything and said she couldn't accept my behavior even if I apologized. I just can't comprehend why I should apologize. I feel like I can

[00:43:44] express to friends if I'm disappointed and I absolutely didn't write anything offensive. Opie then mentions that English is not their first language so apologies for any of their mistakes and then says edit two to clarify there is no dog yet. He talked to a breeder. He said that if his dog mama gets pregnant and has more than three babies they would get one in September. Now this is one of those stories that made me instantly think I wonder what's going on in the background in that relationship

[00:44:12] that she's threatening to end the relationship if he doesn't stay with her and the dog yet the dog isn't even there yet the dog isn't even in this world yet it's all a hypothetical situation and it's one of those situations I wouldn't be bowing down to any of those demands from her etc you know you can't attend that's up to you but at the same time I feel like I think I'd be saying to Mike in some kind of subtle way is everything okay and of course I don't think

[00:44:42] OP has to do that but it's I think it's something that I would do that's a couple of relevant comments someone says Courtney is out of line and not worth knowing OP says okay thanks I really couldn't understand her either and started doubting myself my birthday is in two weeks and I write Mike that I don't want her to attend because I'm too mad about all that and he wrote me back that she said she doesn't want to see me or my fiance for the next months even if I apologize so I guess not seeing her will be an easy

[00:45:12] thing someone says why can't they just postpone getting the dog for a month OP says they want to get the dog from a breeder who says it's mandatory to get the dog after 12 weeks or someone else would get the dog someone else says wait so the dog isn't even pregnant yet and they don't know how many puppies she'll have OP says yes you are absolutely right maybe I should have made that more clearer a the dog is not even pregnant and b they don't know if there are enough babies for them to get one

[00:45:41] they have priority for that's why I wrote they will hopefully get one in September because it's not even clear if it's happening yes they talk to the breeder and he put them on the list the dog is not even pregnant but if she gets pregnant and if she has more than three babies they would get a dog in September a lot of ifs I don't think it's about money everything would be fully paid by us and I really don't think we gave her any reason to hate us but I don't know someone says this just makes her

[00:46:11] argument even worse OP says yes if I wouldn't feel so sorry for my fiance and a little bit for Mike I would find it absolutely justified and funny if they don't get a dog maybe Mike would wake up about this shitty choice if he missed our wedding and didn't get a dog so he just have to sit at home alone with Courtney while we are having a blast in Italy some info on Mike and Courtney OP says yes we did tell Mike that we are not changing anything now he told us that he won't come to our wedding

[00:46:41] he's sad about it but doesn't want to break up with Courtney they recently built a house together and she talks all the time about children so it's pretty serious between them my fiance and I don't even know what to feel about all that and a little side comment there but that when he was talking about children is why

[00:47:19] there is zero valid reason Mike can't attend he's pretty spineless to himself to allow her to dictate his plans like this Courtney is the kind of person not worth knowing I begin to exclude her from everything but continue to

[00:47:50] you don't have to care if Courtney comes Mike seems to like her but she sounds unreasonable and angry I wouldn't be upset at all if she didn't come we were trying to have an easy wedding this is almost an elopement if Mike and Courtney can't get on board with your plans you can move

[00:48:19] forward without them your wedding isn't about them or the dog they might have adopted by your wedding date and how the dog can't be left with a caretaker for a couple of days because the girlfriend of your fiance's best friend can't bear to do that I roll my eyes not the arsehole death and taxes as not the arsehole and I feel a bit sorry for Mike to be honest they didn't even have a dog yet I think even looking for another hotel so that their currently non-existent dog could travel with them was incredibly accommodating of you there

[00:48:49] are several solutions available to them wait and get a dog after the wedding have a family member dog sit put the dog into kennels have Courtney stay home with the dog but the only solutions non-existent dog have nothing to apologize for there is something else going on with Courtney I really hope that Mike does go to the wedding because I think he will regret it later if he doesn't and

[00:49:19] a commenter says I don't feel sorry for Mike he can choose like everyone right now Courtney forces him to an ultimatum he has to figure out where he stands so OP comes in to Mike himself before revealing that I posted this whole thing on the internet they met in secret Courtney was at work and Mike broke down crying it's been super stressful

[00:50:09] Mike lost it at that and told his family that she had never allowed him and that my message wasn't mean at all he really told her that he wants to go and she should just live with that she cried a lot and he felt bad my fiance told him that he asked another friend of them who has a little child to come and he said yes his wife even asked us if we wanted her and the baby to come she would understand if that's too much but we're happy to also invite them Mike cried after hearing this and realized

[00:50:39] that he will not attend our wedding now because of Courtney today Mike wrote my husband that Courtney told him that she was overreacting because she had the feeling he wouldn't value the dog and that it's a good practice thing for and she wants to be viewed as a good person my fiance said that he won't change that back and that Mike sadly will miss the wedding because

[00:51:09] we can't be sure that there is sorry for AP that they didn't want any wedding drama with their family so they were only having two attendees to go and then there's a bunch of

[00:51:39] drama over a hypothetical dog and I think they made absolutely the right choice to go ahead with the wedding without them because you know you just don't know what's going to happen in the future and you might get involved in more drama and you just don't need that for your wedding I still stand by the fact that you know the door if they themselves are open to it of course leaving the door open for Mike and hoping that one day he realizes what he is losing by being with Courtney because for me in this

[00:52:08] there's some serious manipulation at play here and we've seen it in a lot of relationship stories where abusive people isolate people from their families and their loved ones obviously I don't know the full ins and outs of the relationships but you know it certainly felt that way to me so whenever I see comments like Mike should grow a spine etc etc I always think it's very easy to say when we're reading a story like that everything is not that simple is it

[00:52:43] but I really do hope at the same time that you know they have a great wedding but I also hope that Mike gets some kind of support that he truly needs but what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story and our next story comes from pizza throwaway from the subreddit does have an update and says am I the asshole for making my niece eat leftovers while others

[00:53:13] had pizza my 39 male sister in law 31 female had a bachelorette party on Saturday I volunteered to babysit her daughter Tammy fake name 9 female my wife's cousin's kids 9 male and 7 female at my place while my wife 37 female her sister and their cousin went to the party also present were my own kids female for dinner we decided to have

[00:53:43] pizza I made the order through an app now I still don't really get what happened but the order was taking forever and was unable to contact the delivery guy the pizza place wasn't helping either after waiting for 90 minutes I decided to cancel the order and pick a different restaurant the reason I waited so long to cancel was because this was both my daughter's and Tammy's favorite pizza place I managed to get my daughter to support the new restaurant by telling her they put ketchup on the pizza don't kill

[00:54:13] me but Tammy was insistent in the first one she had a crying fit while we were placing the new order even after she calmed down she was still grumpy and short with the rest of us at first me and the kids made efforts to cheer her up but then she started telling us to shut up or leave her alone whenever we tried throughout the wait I reminded Tammy and the other kids that if they didn't behave they wouldn't eat the pizza she still complained about the new restaurant multiple times

[00:54:42] when the pizza finally arrived Tammy opened the box and said I'm not eating that shit she said that in front of the younger three at that I put leftover chicken pasta in the microwave and told her that was her dinner she started crying saying she is calling me unfair and cruel for forcing Tammy to have leftovers while the other kids ate

[00:55:11] pizza she is also accusing me of favoring my wife's cousins kids and my own and insisting that there were better punishments that didn't involve excluding Tammy my wife's completely on my side her cousin is on the fence am I the asshole edit to clarify the pizza arrived at 830 the kids had snacks at 6 and a large group of lunch before that so none of them were hungry edit 2 some people seem to think that this

[00:55:41] party slash social gathering for the kids it wasn't I was babysitting I so there was a comment about Tammy's language and OP says from what I gather Tammy knows what words like that mean and that she is not supposed to say them I think that was the nail in the coffin for me someone says what did others say was a more reasonable punishment OP says my sister in law

[00:56:11] suggested that I could have told her about it after she picked up Tammy and she would have figured something out yes sister in law wanted me to give the pizza and let her deal with Tammy later knowing my sister in law I'm not sure that would have actually happened someone says is Tammy close to her mom's soon to be spouse could she be upset about something else OP says I have no way of knowing for sure but I really don't think that's the case he's very excited about the wedding her behavior on saturday wasn't completely out of character but it was a

[00:56:41] severe escalation my sister in law's fiance has been in Tammy's life since she was three he's the only paternal figure she has and there was a lot of people confused about the ketchup and think that Tammy didn't want ketchup OP says you and even if I thought my daughter might tell the other kids I was with them

[00:57:10] at all times I know she didn't and then there were some grumpy downvoted people trying to blame OP for things here's some of his answers to those OP says okay your comment was the latest one so let me take this opportunity to make some things clear the kids did have access to food and while waiting if they were hungry they could eat but no one was hungry I did have planned activities we watched movies we played board games the younger girls even did my hair the kids had fun the only thing that went

[00:57:40] wrong was the pizza delivery I didn't expect praise for babysitting they barely even consider it that half of them are my own kids I said it I don't have it

[00:58:11] it's not like you starved her you made her something else she's just not getting the treat that you bought for everyone and I just don't think it's the harshest punishment in the world you know you're going to say it shit fine don't have it and there was a bunch of other youngsters there at the same time which you know just isn't great behavior in front of them so OP kindly comes in with an update around two weeks later and says hey reddit it's been almost two weeks since I posted I can now say that the situation has

[00:58:56] she shares she she can't control herself in inappropriate settings she doesn't swear around young children and has taught Tammy that swearing is bad but doesn't punish or berate her for doing so sister in law is part of the kids plus swearing equals comedy squad so she usually just laughs while I'm also an honorary member of that squad there's a

[00:59:26] it's not that part I already knew was rude my question was whether I was right to deny a pizza over it and after reading your comments I've concluded I did the right thing some of you advised me to refuse to babysit Tammy from now on I decided I wanted to give sister in law and Tammy an opportunity to apologize first my wife called her sister and told her that neither me or her would agree to babysit Tammy again without an apology sister in law didn't think they had anything to apologize for they had a long

[00:59:56] discussion over the phone it stopped when sister in law called their mother who took my and my wife side mother in law agreed that we had every right to refuse to host someone who didn't respect us have been accepted sister in law wedding is later this month and we are all attending I don't want people to think that my niece and sister in law are bad

[01:00:26] people they can be difficult at times but we love them both so both me and my wife have agreed to continue babysitting Tammy on occasion but if history repeats itself I wouldn't hesitate to nip this in as my own kids it's what I did with the pizza fiasco and I continue to do it in the future on a lighter note we live in Latin America

[01:00:56] and the overwhelming surprise at some details I shared in my post including military time and ketchup on pizza yes I know it's awful but it's popular with some kids around here was definitely interesting someone called opie out they said

[01:01:39] that and I gotta make a confession to you guys as well I done that once as well I put ketchup on a pizza it was only because I went to the local shop and I

[01:02:11] hide from the comments let us know your thoughts down in the comments below now our next story comes from a deleted user from the am I the asshole here subreddit and

[01:02:41] so timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below thank you and it starts off so this is a throwaway account I will check some of these comments but not all so to get started I am 36 male my wife is 33 female we're expecting our first child soon my mother who is 70 was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and has been hospitalized since it so bad doctors say she will not survive since treatments aren't

[01:03:10] working well on her my dad died when I was young and my mom took care of me while working two jobs so that I could have a good life I die who would you pick I told her

[01:03:40] I would pick my mom she asked why and I told her that I wanted to be there to say goodbye to my mom since I would never see her again and so she would have somebody there in her final moments she got mad and said what about her and our baby I told her I would try to be there

[01:04:14] edit to everyone saying that I would be leaving her alone no I wouldn't she wanted her mom there with her yes I was right for leaving my house it 2 I keep getting the same question about why did I leave my house even though I may own the house it

[01:04:44] was late and I didn't want my pregnant wife out late at night but she I put my wife first especially in emergencies and I tried my best to comfort her I gone home

[01:05:14] and now I don't need to apologize I really don't know thanks to everyone who's commented and there was a couple of relevant comments which OP responds to so you got kicked out of your house for getting a hypothetical question wrong on face value you're not the asshole but what is happening happening is your wife isn't feeling the support and love she really wants and needs right now is she a super needy controlling woman or simply feeling a tad neglected hormonal I think

[01:05:44] you need to consider why she asked the question and address that that that's the problem hypothetical question and hurt reaction is simply how it plays out get out of your mom's house and go fix this leaving her home alone isn't going to help sleep out in front if you need to bring lots of apologies too you were not kicked out for a bad answer here there is a feeling of loss and something that is missing that your wife isn't feeling and needs to as soon as possible figure that out and give her another version of it every day for the rest of your

[01:06:14] life don't find out what part of love

[01:06:54] I have taken off a lot of days to help and comfort her through this so maybe I could do more I don't know what else to do but I

[01:07:29] like this comment said to me it felt like there was always something in the background for that question to pop up in the first place you know do I agree that asking that question was a good idea absolutely not it's hypothetical and one that you're not likely to like the answer to but it does feel like it some

[01:07:59] of you asked for an update so here it is I went back home yesterday afternoon she wasn't there and I assumed she was at her mom's house she came back in the evening and we had to talk about what happened she did apologize for asking the question and that when she thought about it she understood my answer because she would do the same I asked why she asked and she said she didn't know and thought I was going to pick her since I normally do I kind of just said okay and moved on I did tell her

[01:08:31] I fine with I understand to an extent where it's coming from I would go into therapy which was suggested and I think

[01:09:17] I make her let me in there he says you could have told her it's a priority for you that you're sorry too that you guys were talking hypothetical and the chances of your mom dying on your child's birthday are very slim you could try to make her see it's important to you just accepting it would make me feel like you just don't care also you could have been more understanding taking accountability and apologize to her before you brought in marriage counseling opie says I did tell her that she has a priority

[01:09:46] and she did see it's important to me because she would do the same and we all did that why do want me to argue with a pregnant woman sad bunny says please tell me you in therapy please I have made an appointment with one but opie comes in with another update and says hello people this will probably be my last and final update I read a lot of your comments and I did apologize not for bringing up marriage counseling but for the timing I brought it up and that I did show her proof she did forgive me

[01:10:16] and told me I was still going I both need some space before the baby comes which she agreed I told her I would leave and that she could have the house and that she needed anything to call or text me no I'm not at my mother's house I'm at a friend's house he doesn't live there anymore but she usually rent it out to all of you asking why don't you kick her

[01:10:46] out it's because I'm the only person who makes money in the house and I know especially now if I kick her out it would be called financial emotionally manipulation or even abuse so it's better a lot of times if I leave yes I do plan to go back home when the baby is born and to someone who asked I do plan to take paternity leave no she does not know where I'm at she didn't ask so I didn't tell mainly because her family would be banging on my door the people who I know are going to ask

[01:11:15] why aren't you fighting harder to be in the delivery room I've learned that some things I cannot control and one thing is people if she doesn't want me there I won't be I made an example as if I had gotten someone pregnant in my I am not used to just randomly talking about myself it's been that way since I was a child I have gotten better since I

[01:11:45] was a kid but it's a struggle so if you have a question give me a specific question because I answer what you ask not the above and about the divorce thing I do not care how she feels so personally I won't beg her not to I will suggest that we get help but if she doesn't want to then that's fine I'm secure what I mean by that is she will get nothing in the divorce does she know that I don't know I will try my best to answer the questions in

[01:12:58] sweet anything that was purchased before the marriage would be mine since even before we got married she was stay at home so I purchased the house and everything before we got married so it would be mine Toffee Swirl says do you

[01:13:30] how is she going to live she is going to be a single mother just like your mom is that what you want for her and your kids I do not understand you at all why are you throwing everything away because the first time pregnant woman feels insecure Hope says I don't plan on getting a divorce is one no I don't hate her she will still have to get a job and I will probably end up paying child support I don't plan on getting a divorce if she wants one that's on her I'm not throwing anything away I'm just giving her space and

[01:14:20] also why would you want her to get nothing in the divorce she is the mother of your child Hope says that was decided before we got married when we got engaged she decided to be

[01:14:52] people I have good and bad news so I start with the good news my wife had the baby on january 26th it's a girl and I love her so much I wanted to name her after my mother but we found out a compromise and her middle name is my mother's name the questions I'm going to get about was I in delivery room I was not I did ask but I gotta know and she said she already told her sister and she couldn't hurt my feelings which is okay by then I had stopped caring a lot the bad news is my mother died

[01:15:21] she died a week before my baby was born a decent bit of her friends came to the funeral if you go back up a sentence I said I now

[01:15:53] I'm not sure if marriage counselling can ever turn around something like this because it certainly doesn't feel that way to me it feels like OP's checked out of this relationship by the end of it and I gotta be honest I think at this point divorce is probably the best way forward for all this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story

[01:16:24] and our next story comes from the top of the am I the asshole subreddit from original good doesn't have

[01:17:13] live

[01:17:43] he contributed to my party fund when I was away for school just so you know the answer is zero dollars they also tried to talk me out of attending university in Canada I'm not sure how common the idea of filial piety is in other cultures but it's a big deal in mine she went off about it I told her that they didn't need the money and had better ways to spend $200 than gifted to my brother so he could get drunk with his friends more she said that I'm treating them like children by restricting how they spend their money

[01:18:13] I replied that I was not going to subsidize my brother through them and that from now on the money they got from me would be $1,100 and that if they sent in money again I would know and reduce their money by that amount going forward my brother called me to bitch about me about cutting off his money from our parents I said that I hadn't he was welcome to tell our parents to go back to back breaking jobs at their age to

[01:18:55] obviously I didn't come from a culture where there's this sort of expectance to care for your parents in their older age but I certainly would if they were struggling don't get me wrong but the absolute entitlement of that sort of attitude makes me it's just shit I

[01:19:27] and a line that really did make me chuckle to myself is when she said I'm treating them like children by restricting how they spend their money I would have said you want to say that back to yourself stupid butts come straight and it's 1300 a month girl I'll adopt you whilst while says not the asshole and since your parents probably don't tell you often enough I'll say it for them you are an amazingly thoughtful

[01:19:57] loving and caring child to your parents you send them upwards of $1000 every month just so they can retire and not have to work that's amazing you're also reducing the amount you give them as a preventative measure to make sure they don't get taken advantage of by a spoiled son if they give $200 now without consequences it would eventually increase to $300 then $400 then $500 and so on and so forth you set a boundary that will help your parents to keep their money for themselves so they can

[01:20:26] continue to remain retired and that you stop giving brother $200 a month glomer hamster says not the asshole they don't want to be treated like children

[01:20:56] but will gladly take a monthly allowance from you an allowance they wouldn't have if you had listened to them and accepted their lack of support I doubt your brother will send them money when he gets a job so they have a choice to make keep giving money they claim family back in their home country the friend is far behind the poverty line by the standards of the country he immigrated to

[01:21:26] their brother who's doing okay financially isn't contributing and when the friend said they can't support the family anymore they berated and insulted them for hours and blamed a parent being sick on them and one more comment from Alpine lad 1965 who says you are way more generous than I could or would ever be you went to university and better yourself got a good paying job because you went against their wishes and studied in Canada now

[01:22:03] you culture and the expectance and stuff like that but I just find it incredibly sad that you think and you talk to your daughter this way when they're supporting your way of life they're doing incredible things with their own life living an independent doing things all by themselves looking after themselves and just still having the consideration the care and

[01:22:33] love to care for you at the same time and you treat them that way I find that just baffling honestly much love to you OP because you are an amazing person if you do hear it please never forget that but now I'm going to turn this

[01:23:06] because I 30 male bought the wrong chocolate I know this sounds crazy but hear me out my girlfriend and I have been together for almost three years now everything is going great and she's the love of my life but today something weird happened I told her I'm going to go to the grocery store to buy some stuff for the next few days I asked her to send me a list on messenger we always do this so I don't forget anything important I asked her multiple times if she needed anything to make sure

[01:23:36] we had everything at home and didn't have to go grocery shopping again tomorrow she said she wanted chocolates fine what flavour should I bring any flavour is fine you know what I don't like so just don't bring that she sounded annoyed which confused me when I got home she asked where the chocolate was and when I gave it to her she exploded at me I didn't like caramel

[01:24:06] how could you get such a simple thing wrong why did you ask if you didn't care about the answer you're driving me crazy and I don't want to be with you anymore I was flabbergasted I tried to calm her down and have a conversation but she stormed out and slammed the door I want to give her space but wow what just happened I sometimes got her chocolates with caramel and I don't remember saying she doesn't like them can someone please explain what I did wrong how should I

[01:24:34] let her be upset or go and talk to her? edit let me answer a few things here so it's easier to find I asked her to write a list because she spends more time at home than I do so I assume she knows better what we need for the house some days I work 12 hour shifts and can't remember everything we need I don't remember her explicitly saying that she hates caramel but I will keep it in mind for next time I didn't buy her a chocolate that she hates on purpose I'm not a passive aggressive person

[01:25:03] I do chores around the house but because she's working from home most days she does more of the chores as well I have to travel to work every day so we made an agreement about the chores and she was okay with it yes sometimes I forget things but it's nothing malicious I don't think that makes me a horrible boyfriend I also always ask her if she wants me to get her anything what would she like to eat if she needs anything at all I care about her a lot yes she's on her period right now

[01:25:32] edit 2 because I see a lot of assumptions in the comments she doesn't do all the housework alone I do 40% of the chores and she does 60% I work 10 hour shifts six days a week while she works five hour shifts four days a week we agreed to split the chores this way and it works for us I mentioned her period because people asked about it in the comments nobody blamed anything on her period it was just an answer to some questions she experiences strong PMS symptoms during most of her periods and is waiting to see a specialist

[01:26:00] about it unfortunately it takes a few months to get an appointment with them I don't remember her saying she hates caramel she eats snicker bars with caramel in it so I thought she'd be okay with it lol I know her favorite flowers perfume McDonald's order and how to make her favorite smoothies etc but running a business can be stressful and I can't remember everything so I do forget small things sometimes she also prefers to do things her own way so I ask her multiple times about certain things

[01:26:28] to make sure she is happy I feel like a lot of people replying to this post are projecting past bad experiences or annoyances onto our relationship I mean of course you can't fit a whole relationship history into one reddit post and strangers won't know our dynamics but I'm not sure where all this frustration and hostility is coming from I might have come to the wrong place for advice thank you for the level-headed responses I'll wait for her to calm down and come to me hopefully we can talk

[01:26:53] everything through now of course absolutely you need to discuss this because my brain said instantly to me when I read that title that this isn't about the chocolates this is about something else and you know without discussion without communication you're just not going to find out what that is but ad acrobatic 5971s and says okay very clearly this isn't about the chocolates I would bet good money that this is about several things she feels like you don't care aren't attentive and don't particularly

[01:27:22] make much effort she doesn't feel listened to and after three years together dude you really should know that she doesn't like caramel she feels like she has to explain everything to you like you're five and you don't listen or do anything independently the fact that she couldn't even rely on you to just buy the correct chocolate without having to micromanage you over it was the straw that broke the camel's back bunny bunny 690 says this is a tipping point it's not about the chocolate itself it's what the fact

[01:27:50] you couldn't even get the right chocolate represents you always ask for a proper list my husband does this and drives me bloody crazy meant to know exactly what we need but he doesn't why doesn't he have eyes too does his brain remember what we need or a simple list mentioned only five minutes prior also three years and you don't remember she doesn't like caramel she's clearly been putting up and up with you getting her things she doesn't like it's not the chocolate it's the fact that you can't apply

[01:28:18] your own brain to task and need every tiny thing explaining and she feels you pay her likes and wants no attention that's the caramel time and time again and a final comment from what the fuck a mortal who says as some other people said the chocolate was just the tipping point mine was socks i broke up with my ex because of the socks he bought me he never put any effort into what i like into what i find interesting into what i'm into he bought me whatever he saw without effort or thought he never

[01:28:48] listened to me i only wear black or white socks never colored he bought me red socks with a pringles logo for my 18th birthday i don't eat pringles i don't wear colored socks we had been together for a year at that point also i'd got the exact same pair from secret santa at my school and i complained about them on the phone to my boyfriend but he didn't even pay attention to what i was saying i guess it was my tipping point it showed me he was never going to change he was never going to care

[01:29:17] about me enough to even listen to me talk let alone pay attention and remember what exactly i say there were also other issues in that relationship i'm glad i got out of it now i've been with my current boyfriend for four years and it's enough for me to mention something i like once and he remembers and surprises me for special occasions best feeling ever not the pringles socks i don't know why that made me chuckle i'd love a pair of pringles socks to be fair but opie did come in with her

[01:29:47] update and says i wasn't going to do an update post but some people messaged me about it so here it is i waited for my girlfriend to calm down and come to me after a few hours she did she was crying and really apologetic we talked about what happened she said her pms made her really upset and her hormones were acting up more than usual this month making her more irritable i told her i understood but needed some space to think so i slept in the guest room i understand that she can't control her

[01:30:14] pms symptoms but i didn't grow up in a house where slamming doors and screaming at each other was normal thing to do when someone is frustrated also her saying that she wants to break up shouldn't be a heat of the moment thing even though most of the comments were attacking me and making all kind of assumptions they also made me think about the dynamics of my relationship and the burden i take on myself i feel like i'm doing way more in the relationship than my girlfriend i'm carrying most of

[01:30:40] the weight on my own shoulders i thought it was normal because i really love her and want her to be happy but now that people have pointed out the whole mental load thing and how responsibilities should be shared i'm starting to think i might have taken on too much in a way this might be the reason why she thinks she can treat me the way she did yesterday someone told me in the dms that the fine line between being kind and being a pushover i sure as hell don't want to be taken advantage of because of my kindness i'll talk to her today and see if we can figure out a way to

[01:31:10] share the responsibilities more evenly at home and in our relationship i'll also have to lay down more boundaries which will be hard but i have to do it thanks again for the level-headed comments and dms but now i'm going to turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story from the am i

[01:31:34] wrong subreddit from kitty blues 101 and says and quickly jumping in before we do get into the story just in case you do want to skip it time stamps always down the description and along the timeline below but this story does talk about an eating disorder as well and it's titled am i female 17 wrong for breaking up with my boyfriend male 19 because he doesn't want me to gain weight background

[01:31:59] we started dating a few years ago when i was severely underweight even for my shortness i'm 4 foot 11 and at the time i was 71 pounds and in and out of the hospital at the time wanted me to gain weight and recover from my eating disorder when i got to 90 pounds he told me it was the perfect weight for me but my doctor said i should gain more i listened to my boyfriend more and then relapsed now i'm in

[01:32:25] recovery again and i'm 95 pounds wanting to be 100 pounds the day i told him i'm going to try and gain five more pounds and he said well whatever you want i guess which is what he says when he gets angry and i said sorry do you not want me to he shrugged and started to explain that he didn't want me to get fat and that my figure is perfect right now then i told him i wouldn't be fat and i just want to be healthy and not sick anymore he then said the whole thing is being thin right that's what you want

[01:32:55] triple digits isn't thin and we just started arguing i told him if he was going to be a jerk i don't want to be with him then he laughed and said try finding someone who will love you like i did i'm not a jerk you're just a bitch and he pushed me and left we've been together for three years he was my first boyfriend now i feel really bad for ending it just because of that i understand why he wouldn't want me to gain weight but he was being kind of mean

[01:33:21] i want to apologize but i don't know if i was in the wrong what do you guys think absolutely do not apologize to that guy ditch him he is absolutely toxic and harmful and fucking just an awful person oh he's got me riled right up but sam about says a no man should ever put his hands on you right now it's a push but that can very quickly escalate that alone is enough reason to

[01:33:48] never speak to him again b your partner should want you to be healthy full stop trying to shame you for wanting to get to a healthy weight is insane and scary you deserve someone who will support your healing not try to keep you sick c anytime a partner tells you no one will love you like i do that is a good thing that's not healthy love you don't want that kind of love and hope you never have the misfortune of dealing with it again i wish you so much luck on your healing journey girl

[01:34:16] you're doing so great already bitch the jerk and take some time to really focus on yourself and the wonderful life you are building i'm proud of you i'm rooting for you absolutely rooting for op so op did come back in to update the post as first i want to say thank you for all your kind words and give me advice and such i really really appreciate it a lot has happened in the past 16 hours and i

[01:34:41] thought i'd give you guys some updates he came to my house this morning at like 4am which isn't uncommon he always does that i asked him too since when it's my parents are usually both asleep he said that texting or calling wouldn't be right in the situation and he started to apologize and cry about how he didn't mean it he shouldn't have shoved me and that i can gain however much i want usually i would cry too and forgive him but i was honestly so over it and tired yesterday sucked for

[01:35:08] so many reasons and i spent all night reading those comments you guys left and i just i don't know it was like i was pulled into reality for a minute i told him to go home i didn't say anything else i didn't know what else to say he tried to grab me but i didn't let him i just closed the door and let him sit in it i still feel bad about it though even though i realize now those three years were bad and he's not a good person i still love him a lot and i just want to turn all these bad feelings off and go

[01:35:36] back to all our good moments he was so good to me so often and i wasn't used to it what i was used to was being mistreated it's like i didn't see what it was for what it was but seeing he's abusive and people breaking it down for me a hundred times and reading up on what abuse is really was a slap in the face i needed i feel like i knew in the back of my mind it was wrong and how he treated me but it was like i couldn't break out of all of the excuses and cover-ups he's made and i've made for him

[01:36:05] his love wasn't really love it was just control he's not a good person he's just like my shitty dad it wasn't anything to him but something to control i've never had power over my own life i've tried to people please since i was born i've been taught and told what i want isn't up to me and who i am isn't up to me but all that's not true it is up to me i want to say i'll never talk to him again and that i don't care about him at all but i was in love with him for three years and

[01:36:35] i still love him i still want to be held by him and told he loves me even if it's all lies because that's what i'm used to i want to remain strong and i'm trying to i don't want to go back going to talk to my therapist about this and go from there again thank you for all your encouragement and kindness i'll be continuing my journey to a long and successful recovery i have all of you to thank for helping me out sorry for rambling i tried to say everything i thought in the moment thank you again

[01:37:03] and that is one of the things i do love reading about reddit is when people come to advice which you know for all of us that here it might be obvious to us that op should be breaking up with that person but for them and what they've been through and everything that's been normalized for them it's a tough decision and i'm glad that they're making a huge step from stepping away from that person because they are not healthy for them in the slightest that nonchalant calypso says to op yes

[01:37:33] i remember reading your original post and being shocked anorexia is not something to fuck about with and you've put so much work into getting better i'm genuinely so happy for you if you feel yourself slipping back towards him go and read those comments again well done and good luck which op says yeah i was dying at one point when i was in and out of the hospital and i realized it's not worth dying to be thin which in reality was skeletal and when i relapsed and he stopped supporting me i was

[01:38:02] convinced if i gained i'd lose him but after all this i realized his desire and attraction isn't worth dying for nothing really is worth dying for but i want you to know and anyone who reads this i will read the comments if i doubt and i will actively work with my therapist to never go back i can't go back to it when i'm finally free but now i'm going to turn this one to you guys what do

[01:38:25] you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's have another story from the am i the arsehole subreddit from kind concert 4788 and says am i the arsehole for spending money my grandparents gave me instead of saving it towards my stepbrother's treatment fund my mom got married to alan two years ago i 15 female was 13 at the time and alan's two kids were

[01:38:53] emma nine female and noah three male noah was diagnosed with cancer last year and my mom and her husband were told there's some kind of different treatment he could get in another country if they could raise the money it would be better for noah than the treatments available in the us my mom and alan could not afford it so they have been sending him to treatment here and saving for noah's treatment they made a lot of cutbacks and asked that emma and i give over any money we get so they

[01:39:21] can afford this they have about 70 or something now and that has come from cutting out a lot we eat very basic meals they canceled our internet and we didn't do anything for our birthdays or christmas since the savings started any money that comes into the house goes on essentials or the treatment fund my dad died nine years ago and my paternal family stayed part of my life they know what has been going

[01:39:47] on and they've been buying me little treats and taking me out to eat when they can they also give me money every couple of weeks so i can have something if i ever need anything i've been hiding that money because i know i'll be told to give it up i carry it everywhere because emma is the type to snoop and tell her dad she's asked me before why don't babysit to help make more money for her brother she would work if she could but she's only 11 i spent some of the money from my grandparents over

[01:40:14] the weekend i got my hair cut and i bought my best friend a gift for her birthday i also got some food and spent some time at my dad's grave my mom noticed my hair cut and asked where the money came from and she realized i was lying when i said i'd been with my grandparents and they took me because i forgot they were out of town so i told her they gave me some money to get some stuff done she told me a haircut was not a need and how selfish could i be alan heard her scolding me he jumped in and asked what

[01:40:43] the hell was wrong with me he told me this family has to pull together for noah and i'm acting like i don't care whether noah gets his treatment or not of course by the end of the day emma heard and freaked out but then my mom ran into my best friend's mom a couple of days ago and she told mom my best friend was so sweet and thoughtful i was sat down and yelled at for spending the money on not just me but on others alan asked me how i could give the money for a gift that means nothing

[01:41:12] when it could have gone to save my brother's life i yelled back that it's not my job to pay for noah's treatment and i'm already sacrificing i refuse to go all out the way they want me to i told them the money came from my family family who was nothing to them and they need to let it go alan called me a selfish little bitch and he told me that i should be ashamed of my repulsive behavior now emma

[01:41:36] keeps telling me i'm a bad person am i the asshole now i sort of wonder do your grandparents know the full story of everything that's going on in this situation it sounds like they know about the struggle within the household and money but do they know that you're being sat down and being told that you're selfish and you should be ashamed and repulsive and a bitch and all this kind of stuff and i'm pretty sure they would have something to say if you raised that with them and i think that's

[01:42:02] what you need to do in this situation but cole says not the asshole go live with your grandparents if you can pitch it as a way to help them save money for noah and don't ever go back get being worried about your kid but to starve the other kid having a youth just to send him somewhere else but they not realize that this is just to send him there not to mention the cost of the stay opi says they think because emma is happy to do it i should be too especially being older but noah is

[01:42:29] emma's brother that is always going to make it different i don't know if they will go for me living with my grandparents but i might try thanks next commenter says not the asshole this is not your responsibility you haven't even been in noah's life very long i would definitely check with your grandparents and see if you could live with them if your stepfather is calling you a selfish bitch for getting a haircut then you should leave if you can that's not okay you're 15 opi says i haven't

[01:42:57] and that's something i wouldn't say out loud because it would make life even more hell on earth i've known alan noah and emma for a little over two and a half years i know they think i'm some horrible monster for not being determined like emma is but noah is her brother he's my stepbrother and not a stepbrother i consider just a brother i don't consider emma just a sister either or alan my dad or even my parent really not protesting all the changes made to our lifestyle but i will take my

[01:43:23] grandparents up on making sure i still get nice food sometimes and get my hair cut and other things of that nature emma would give it all for her brother and i get that i'm going to try and leave if i can do so easily going to talk to my grandparents tomorrow and see what happens from there and the comments pretty much just continue down that path of trying to get themselves in that situation if they can telling a responsible adult but what do you guys make of this situation what

[01:43:53] would you advise to the op let us know your thoughts down in the comments below now our next story comes from a throw away account and it's titled i23 male broke up with my girlfriend 21 female of three years because she wanted to remain a virgin now she wants to get back together but told me she had sex with

[01:44:14] someone else when we were broken up how should i proceed i23 male met my ex 21 female three years ago we lived on campus at uni in different halls of residence after a few months we got together and for the most part had a very happy relationship there was always one issue though my ex grew up in a very religious home her father is a pastor she has been open with her family that she does not share their

[01:44:42] faith they weren't happy about it but accepted that she has to make her own choices on that nevertheless i think some of that religious upbringing was still in her mind i grew up in a different religion but was never very serious about it and am no longer religious our relationship was pretty normal except that she told me very early that she was a virgin and wanted to stay that way until she was married it wasn't for religious reasons as i mentioned she isn't religious but she was very focused on not

[01:45:12] disappointing her dad we did other sexual things just not intercourse i never had much luck with girls growing up and going into the relationship i was a virgin and i still am at least if you classify being a virgin has never had intercourse anyway i was becoming more resentful of the fact that everyone i know was having normal sexual relationships and we weren't i couldn't understand why she didn't want

[01:45:38] to have a full sexual relationship though of course they never pressured her about it i felt that while i was at uni and pretty broke getting married was something for the future last year i was in my last year of uni and she was working in her first professional job her degree was shorter than mine so she finished uni first despite being younger than me she was still talking a lot about all these successful guys

[01:46:02] she met at work which did make me feel lesser as i was still a broke uni student coupled with her not wanting a full sexual relationship it did make me feel more resentful we had some arguments about it and after a while i felt i should end the relationship as we wanted different things and our lives were on different paths it was awful it was crying a lot and i felt terrible afterwards anyway it's been nearly

[01:46:29] six months since we broke up we haven't been in touch at all for almost all that time i have not been involved with anyone else in that time i was 100 focused on finishing my degree i finally finished uni i'm about to start my first professional job she recently got in touch again and asked to meet up i was hesitant but decided we had so much good history that i should hear her out she told me

[01:46:53] she's been missing me terribly these past six months as she thinks she wants to get back together and is open to having a sexual relationship now i asked her why now what changed and she looked uncomfortable after a little prying she said she had a short-term fling with one of the older guys at work while we were broken up which of course was fine as she wasn't my girlfriend anymore anyway she said

[01:47:18] he persisted with her until she started having sex with him she ended it with him recently she was clear that it was consensual but the guy was very persistent with pursuing sex with her i was gutted i couldn't understand why she'd make me wait all those years but was fine doing it with some new guy she'd only been seeing a short time i asked if the reason she was open to having a sexual relationship now because she wasn't a virgin anymore she said yes i asked her to give me some space to process all

[01:47:48] this i'm conflicted and would love some advice on this i've missed her a lot and still have strong feelings for her but at the same time it feels like i was strung along for years it's hard to put my finger on why i don't want to take her back everything logically makes sense for us to get back together i'd even get to finally have a sexual relationship with her i feel awful about this whole thing and

[01:48:12] don't want to ignore these as a child is just everything around a lot of huge children have needs that you sometimes consider as a teenager wrong you give for example a baby pup is this often too big for small children as a step for children in one year so it's better than baby born lena in 36 cm she lets it be easy to carry around and is perfectly on the smallest

[01:48:40] the first time to carry around and take care of the baby born baby born baby born ob true crime comedy or news hör was du willst so viel du willst mit all die talk streams du jetzt endlich unendlich denn du kannst so oft du willst daten kostenlos nachbuchen und das ohne vertragsbindung hol dir die neuen all die talk tarife schon ab 9 99 mit bis zu 50 100 oder 150

[01:49:07] mbit und 5g aber nur bis zum 30 6 jetzt in deiner aldi filiale oder in der aldi talk app aldi gutes für alle feelings and there was many comments on the back of this one just saying you know move on you're not compatible other people saying you got strung along for long enough move on etc but abstract teapot says it makes sense she had a weird thing about sex due to religious

[01:49:34] upbringing you broke up in the back of her head it's because she wasn't ready to have sex the next relationship the guy was pushy and she realized if she didn't want to repeat of what happened she'd have to give in and have sex they broke up she wants to see if the fact that she can have sex changes things now you don't have to accept it and you shouldn't if you feel resentful or like you're a backup option because it wouldn't be fair to either of you i think you need to figure out if

[01:50:02] you're happy closing this chapter to move on when you close it do it properly opi added their own comment below the post and said some of the comments are being very harsh on my ex and i guess that's not surprising you don't know her she's not some evil manipulative villain at all i would never have been with anyone like that she's still the funny smart charming beautiful girl i always knew any guy would be lucky to have her i would be too if i could handle the baggage here but i'm thinking

[01:50:31] i probably can't and a clean break is the way to go though she may regret the relationship with the other man it's not my business as she was a single woman and we were broken up i wasn't ever expecting to hear from her again really this whole situation is very surprising to me i'm feeling hurt because i guess this is a solid blow to my ego i feel like the lesser man here i can own that and that's something for me to work on ultimately i have some hang-ups about sex from this relationship that i need to deal with

[01:51:01] a few people have suggested i could benefit from therapy i'm going to look into that i think i need help to process all these emotions on the situation in gin boy 32 asked opi a question they said i would ask her why she was willing to sleep with a guy after such a short relationship but after three years she was not willing to sleep with you opi says i think this is the right question because i don't know

[01:51:25] why she didn't say all she said was that the guy was persistent i'm torn about whether to simply text her that i don't want to rekindle things and leave it all in the past or whether i should ask more questions about what happened because this hurts i don't know if i'm ready to get details of a relationship with the other guy sometimes i just feel like i'm stunted in some way a few comments have said i'm immature and they're probably right i know i'm the one who ended the relationship and that

[01:51:53] she's entitled to do what she wants with anyone else still doesn't make it hurt any less and maybe it's just best to say goodbye leave all this in the past so opi comes in with an update and says this is an update to my last post hello again i appreciate the people taking time to comment on my last post the response was a lot more than i expected with over 2000 comments i'm amazed so many people wanted to comment about my situation thank you warning this is a long post

[01:52:22] i've kept the daily journal since i was 16 a lot of what follows is dumps from my journal yes i know i'm not concise i'm going to refer to my ex as ellie not a real name i'd like to write a bit about the comments because so many people took the time to provide their thoughts and i appreciate that the majority of the comments were some variation of move on a clean break a strong recommendation with a lot to recommend it a minority said give her a chance and see how it goes plenty calling me

[01:52:52] an arsehole for ending it because i wanted sex in our relationship or for being obsessed with her virginity that's i dumped her because she wouldn't put out and quite a few saying my breakup with her made her feel like sex is necessary to keep a guy and that it drove her heartbroken into the next guy's bed there were a few she's pregnant comments not that i know of it's not impossible but if that happens

[01:53:16] it won't be anything to do with me the dude saying i should fuck her and leave her or worse seriously some of you guys need a hug or a psychologist no i would never use her like that no matter our past ellie and i were a loving couple for years that counts for something even after we broke up feeling hurt doesn't justify using her or anyone else for that matter as for the comments have some

[01:53:42] hang-ups about taking her virginity my issue went together was that we weren't having sex in our relationship not whether she was a virgin or not her being a virgin was a reason for being abstinent but wasn't directly an issue either way to me if she hadn't been a virgin and wanted to be abstinent i would have been in the same situation the title of my last post was not great really i broke up because

[01:54:07] we were not having sex not because she was a virgin bear in mind for three years ellie had everything she wanted from our relationship boyfriend love affection loyalty support and a guy who respected her wishes to be abstinent while she got 100 of what she wanted for me there was a big element missing and there was no way to reconcile that either we were having sex or not having it sex requires both

[01:54:32] to say yes and that wasn't going to happen with hindsight i should have ended the relationship early on when ellie first told me she wanted to not have sex until marriage when we got together i was a naive 19 year old who had never had a girlfriend before so i kind of went along with things because i really liked her and got along with her so well i fell in love with her and then kind of felt stuck in a relationship that wasn't what i wanted i've learned from this and won't make that

[01:55:02] mistake in the future i want to make active not passive choices in future relationships and not just go along with things because that's what the other person wants our views about sex and our relationship were not compatible so i ended the relationship rather than waiting any longer hoping she'd change her mind it was scary to take that step and i put it off for way too long because i didn't want to hurt her but i couldn't stay in the relationship just for her

[01:55:29] i had to also consider myself too my mistake was waiting so long to get to that point i regret that as it caused her more hurt than if i'd ended it early on many of you say that sex just isn't that important but for me it is at least as part of a relationship you can disagree that's fine some people are fine being in no sex relationships no judgment from me but that's not what i want

[01:55:56] some people took issue with me saying i felt she strung me along on reflection that's fair ellie was clear to me about not wanting to have sex until marriage i foolishly stayed way too long hoping she'd change her mind one day she didn't that was my mistake i strung myself along really she never led me on in any way it hurt to learn that she had sex with the next guy relatively quickly after i waited so long

[01:56:23] but she is my ex so that is not my business anymore she's allowed to change her mind she can have sex or not with whoever she chooses i don't get a say in that my hurt is an emotional response not a logical one logically i see she did nothing wrong by me i'll get over it it's just my bruised ego if i'm honest with myself feeling i'm somehow a lesser man because she took that step with the next guy

[01:56:48] i know objectively that isn't true but i sure feel it i was not a perfect boyfriend and i have made mistakes i've learned from them i don't regret breaking up with ellie and still think it was the right decision for me enough background a few things have happened last weekend was the australia day long weekend i was on a camping trip in the grampians for any aussies reading and it was so nice

[01:57:14] to be in nature do some bushwalks with friends and decompress it felt good to talk about the ellie situation with my mates around the campfire most of them knew ellie pretty well from our years together and they had a range of views just like commenters on my post and i got the usual good-natured about still being a virgin i learned there's an expensive bottle of scotch they bought a while ago that's going to have its seal cracked when mine is bastards lol one great question a friend asked was

[01:57:43] whether i would have ever decided to reach out and take ellie back if she never reached out to me first the answer is no it was so obvious to me that cut through a lot of the confusion for me i was being too passive in the situation and needed to do what i wanted not just react to what ellie wanted by the time i was on my way home i decided to not get back together with her but that was moot

[01:58:09] when i was driving home and got a mobile signal again no mobile network where we had camped the network delivered a bunch of messages from ellie all at once she said she was wrong to ask me to get back together and that she's back with tim fake name now she also texts that the thing with tim is more serious than she told me when she last met with me she apologized for misleading me about her and tim's

[01:58:35] relationship if you remember she called it a fling before she asked if we could meet to talk about it i was not happy so i just text back no not very mature of me but i wasn't in the mood to hear more about all this i was surprised and pissed off that she lied to me i seemed very out of character for her she tried calling me but i didn't want to answer she sent another text saying tim and i had a fight

[01:59:00] i shouldn't have come to you and finally i'm sorry when i got home i was an idiot and let my curiosity get the better of me i looked up tim online his real given name is uncommon so it wasn't hard to find found him on linkedin which gave me his full name ellie is one of his connections and he works at the same firm so i was confident it is him he's a director at their firm one level below partner

[01:59:26] he also has pics on insta lots of posts about his adventures around the world at various events and exotic places as well as shots with an expensive looking car a few photos of him with ellie with her arms around each other in singapore in november i guess that confirms it was serious he wouldn't have public pics with her for a casual fling all that just made me feel bad no good comes from comparing

[01:59:50] myself to my ex's successful boyfriend ellie is not my girlfriend and i'm not in competition with tim so i won't do that again my ego's bruised enough already i've been living a very frugal life my whole time at uni aka poor as fuck so i know i can feel inferior when i see people with wealth that's another me problem to sort out anyway all that was on sunday afternoon slash evening on tuesday evening ellie

[02:00:19] knocked at my door she said that she knows i didn't want to talk to her but she felt bad about everything and hoped that i would let her explain herself clear the air then i'd never see her again if that's what i wanted i let her in i was not happy with recent events but figured i might at least get a clearer idea of what's going on it was a long heavy conversation over four hours but here's the gist as i remember it when we broke up she was devastated she said it took a couple of months

[02:00:48] before she started to feel a bit better she missed me constantly and wanted to see me the whole time but when i ended it we agreed to keep a part in here in september she met tim at work he manages a different team she doesn't work for him she said he was very charming and attractive and showed almost immediate interest in her they got to know each other and he asked her out she was worried it was a rebound but felt so much better getting his attention as she went along with it after dating

[02:01:16] for a while she developed feelings for him and that later led to a sexual relationship it wasn't a fling and she dated him for a while beforehand i asked about whether he pressured her into sex last time she said he was very persistent she said she was trying not to upset me she thought if she gave the impression she was reluctant to have sex with tim that i wouldn't think badly of her so it was a story to try and spare my feelings i told her it just made me worried that she'd been

[02:01:44] assaulted she looked shocked at that and said no way it was actually the one who initiated their sexual relationship i said although i don't like that she lied to me i can understand why i don't think she did anything wrong change in her mind about abstinence yes i was hurt when she told me she was having sex but i have no right to judge her for anything she's a single adult and it's her life i don't think badly of her she burst into tears and said something like i thought you must hate me

[02:02:13] now i assured her that i didn't she said she was sad it didn't work for us but that she never would have dropped her virginity commitment if we had not broken up after we broke up she decided that it was a commitment she made to her dad when she was still a kid that was messing with the life she wants now so by the time she and tim got into their relationship she'd already decided that she was ready for sex with the right person i asked about her dad and she just said he doesn't need to

[02:02:39] know i asked about why she asked to get back together tim is older she told me he's 32 and has been at the firm for 10 years one day at work one of the women made a snarky comment to ellie about being another one of tim's girls she did some digging and it turns out tim has a history he has dated a long list of women from work several of them were young graduate employees just like ellie the rumor around the

[02:03:04] office is that ellie is just the next girl to be used by him she was horrified she accused him of using her they argued and she told him it was over soon after that she came to me she felt as if we might be able to rekindle things now that she was open to a sexual relationship but my hesitation and time to calm down made her realize that was a mistake over the weekend tim asked her to work things out

[02:03:30] she decided to give it a chance she tried to call me but they went to voicemail i was camping so she sent those messages instead so i guess that's settled i don't want her back and she's in a relationship so she doesn't want me back either we chatted a bit about how our families are going she congratulated me on finally finishing uni she asked if i've been seeing anyone and when i told her i've been studying

[02:03:54] hard and working a lot since exams retail job with no time for girls she laughed and said i'm still a big nerd she hoped we could be friendly if we ever see each other but she wants to keep out of contact out of respect for a relationship with tim she wants to give it a real chance of working which is fair enough she gave me a hug said thank you for understanding and left so there you have it ellie involved me in a relationship drama would have preferred she hadn't but at least it's sorted now

[02:04:22] i'm glad i paid attention to my feelings and took time out to consider things as it could have been very messy if i had taken her back trust in my gut has been the biggest lesson for me in all of this i still care for her despite recent events it seems like she is dealing with a lot of complicated things between a new relationship and work gossip i wish her well and hope she'll be happy whether it's with tim or not she was my first love and i expect i'll always have warm memories of her

[02:04:52] i'm clear now that i don't want her back she is in my past and i want to look forward well this has become an essay tutors at uni always told me i was too waffly in my writing nice well fuck those guys i'm not a student anymore i can now focus on launching my new career with no distractions i've worked so hard for so long to get here my new job starts on monday it's going to be great

[02:05:17] it's going to be so great building actual real experience in my new profession not just endless theory i'll be earning much better money no more student poverty and i've got graduation in may to look forward to as well i'm open to finding someone new but that is way down my priority list i'm not going to actively pursue that anytime soon cheers everyone your comments and advice

[02:05:41] edit the next day okay you've convinced me today i blocked ellie on everything since we agreed not to be in touch again that shouldn't matter but if she doesn't stick to that agreement e.g if she and tim split and fight again then it won't be easy for her to contact me again i thought it was a petty thing to block someone but in this case you've convinced me that it's a way to take control of the situation with luck i won't hear from her again and if i do like if she knocks on the door i'll remind her of

[02:06:09] the agreement and shut her off time to stop being passive and take charge of my life a life ellie will not be a part of so a commenter says to op on that one saying glad you came to the conclusion best for you however i feel you gave ellie too much of what she wanted to feel better about herself at the expense of your own emotional well-being opie says i was already pretty churned up about things from when she first asked to get back together i wish she hadn't done that but after she came to see me on

[02:06:37] tuesday it was easier for me we got to mutually say no to a future together and also put a lot of baggage in the bin is ellie going to be happy i don't know i hope so but i have my doubts about this tim dude but you probably can't trust my judgment on that more relevant to me is whether i'm going to be happy and the answer is yes because i'm going to make that happen opie adds a comment on ellie

[02:07:03] changing opie says i came to terms with our relationship months ago when she came back to me it stirred up some old feelings because we'd been a couple so long but thinking about it now that was more of an echo of those memories and real feelings all of this drama was ellie's doing i would have preferred she never involved me so i could have been blissfully ignorant of her romantic life i prefer not to know about her worldly rich boyfriend or their sex life she's

[02:07:30] definitely changed the early i remember was scrupulous and honest to a fault the early i have dealt with recently wasn't like that so much i think that's why her lying to me pissed me off so much it wasn't just the lying it was how out of character it seemed but people change she's in the business world now and people there live by different standards to the religious family she grew up in anyway i've cut myself out of her life so anything that happens with her is hers to deal with if she

[02:07:58] comes back to me i'll remind her we agreed to stay apart and leave it there i'm not looking for another relationship right now so no tinder for me and no i'm not looking for casual sex either i'm a virgin but i want a meaningful connection not just sex as i said in the post i'm open to something if the right woman came along but i'm not actively seeking it that might change after a while but right now i want

[02:08:23] to keep focused on my new career and a comment from op on them having closure and they said a lot of the comments here act like the final meeting was all for her benefit sure she got some kind of relief or closure out of it but it was also good for me seeing who she is becoming just made it 100 percent no doubt in my mind that we wouldn't ever make sense she's changed a lot in the last year

[02:08:47] starting when we were still together and she had started her job random phrases like work hard play hard being generally less kind and more dismissive of others clearly she was being influenced by those around her but it was her choice to take on those behaviors i loved the old ellie but i'm not sure i even like the current one much anyway i don't feel like she intruded i felt like i got a nice

[02:09:12] neat ending to the whole thing and can get on with my life with a clear conscience but we're clear now that it's over forever and i have a promise that she will stay out of contact if she ever does try to come back i can remind her of her own promise and close the door this post also made it to the best of redditor updates subreddits and op responded in there and said hi this was me thanks for the

[02:09:36] comments and i'll agree with the doormat ones but i'm learning we all have our flaws to fix my job started this week it's kind of overwhelming and my brain feels full every day feels like i've met 50 plus people already and there are plenty more in the company i can officially say i'm an engineer now and not just an engineering student which feels great to say to myself radio silence from ellie

[02:10:00] since she's blocked that shouldn't change i also took advice from a few commenters and asked my friends to not pass any messages if she tries to use them to do that and you know i personally love when people express all their feelings in a mature way like op did in this situation i think what they did is totally the right thing to do totally separate themselves from the situation you know even after the first

[02:10:27] post i was like yeah i think you know restarting that relationship on the back of what has happened and going into it with these feelings would never be a healthy thing to do but then everything else that happened afterwards and it just got totally messy it just cemented that for me some of the other comments had me thinking from sort of ellie's point of view without op and you know thinking about her background and potential religious trauma about around sex and stuff like that and

[02:10:52] then meeting this guy who and the whole power imbalance of his job and age and things like that you know him being in a higher position than her and him already having this bit of a reputation already and again that's not op's problem either but it did have me thinking down that path as well and i think op was right to be blocking because you know i have to say it doesn't feel like the way that it was talked about in the story that that relationship with tim is going to last

[02:11:18] too long it may do i don't know but if it does break up is ellie again gonna turn around to op and start messaging him and saying oh can we meet up you know rebounding or something of course that's all speculation but there's a potential for it to happen right but anyway what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below now our next story comes from

[02:11:43] gfq and says boyfriend male 27 orders female friend a tiffany necklace for her birthday i female 27 feel weird about it help me decide if i'm blowing this out of proportion before i overreact my boyfriend of 11 months has a best friend a girl best friend i've been totally fine with this from the beginning because she was here before me and they've been friends since college although i feel it's important

[02:12:12] to add they've never had the chance to date because they were both in relationships when they met she's also been single for the past three months her birthday is this friday and my boyfriend wanted to get us something really special i thought that was sweet of him until i realized what he had bought her now i feel this extremely inappropriate and at the risk of sounding like a bitch i want him to take it back he claims she's been wanting this specific necklace from tiffany's forever so he bought it for her

[02:12:43] he refused to tell me how much he spent on it but i found an identical one on their website that costs 250 dollars here's the link and the link instantly points to like a necklace with like a sort of a heart shape hanging off of it but there's also other products on there as well so i'm not totally sure to put it mildly my boyfriend's really excited to give it to her he says it's also a thank you gift for helping him get through a couple of shitty semesters at graduate school she's extremely

[02:13:11] smart and was in the same program okay fine but a necklace why not a gift card or something less romantic she wants to have a friend date with him on thursday as an early birthday celebration so he's taking her out for lunch or dinner on thursday which means they're going to get drunk i've never had a problem with this girl but i don't like how close they are she's always been nice to me but i

[02:13:36] can't help but feel they might have some underlying feelings for each other how can i solve this perhaps i could suggest to him that we both get her something and then have him take back the necklace while we still have time any ideas i'm gonna start off with meant for amazing who says i have a male bff we go out drinking together i've met his girlfriends and vice versa we go out to eat together etc but if he

[02:14:01] were ever to spend that much money on a birthday gift i'd one think he was crazy and insist he take it back two think he was romantically interested in me i think you need to tell him how completely inappropriate this gift is if he wants to give her a gift card to tiffany for similar value i think that would be much more appropriate for picking out a necklace a heart necklace very suspect is your boyfriend good at social interpersonal understanding chocolate heartbreak replies that and says i want

[02:14:30] to add to this if you look through my history you can see i'm huge on giving benefit of the doubt however in this case even i can't do that i understand giving an expensive gift because your friend gave you one i even understand being like oh she said she wanted this then she'll probably love the gift and make her happy we always want people to like the presence we give them but the heart is where my benefit of the doubt stops it's possible your boyfriend is dense and didn't connect

[02:14:58] it i've seen plenty of posts here with people who have brain fart moments but i know it's drilled into everybody's head from commercials at least in the us that a heart means love commitment etc i used to give hearts as gifts to friends as a kid but even then never to a guy i mean even in middle school a heart was something you draw on cards for your female friends but wouldn't give a guy because they'd think

[02:15:22] you like them and i was 11. unless your boyfriend lives under a rock or really didn't even think about the implication i'm not sure this is good news i don't want to paranoia bandwagon though i'd suggest just talking to him about it that you understand she's important but she might take it the wrong way and maybe he can get an equally expensive gift or another type if he's trying to equal prices on the

[02:15:47] flip side i'm the type of person who if i had that kind of money to be spent on a best friend i would now if i could buy an ipad for my best friend i would nothing to do with gender or feelings i just love them as a person and an expensive gift can be seen as a gesture saying i care about you and think you deserve something nice penis butt says have names i'm a married female and have a male

[02:16:13] best friend for mine and my friend's birthdays we usually get each other dvds or joke gifts i'd be very uncomfortable if my friend got me something like this and i know my husband would is your boyfriend listening to your concerns or is he blowing them off d james says yeah i'm sorry but a tiffany necklace is not a thank you gift if it is what you give your lover or wife hence why girls freak out when their boyfriends get them something from that store this is completely inappropriate i talked to

[02:16:41] him about it there is a chance he might just be dense and not understand what this gift symbolizes and one more comment from broken phoenix who says it's shaped like a heart okay i could probably forgive giving her a super expensive necklace if she was that important to him i know how important friends can be but a heart shaped necklace no no no no no not cool not cool at all you know why she

[02:17:05] wants it why he knows about that specific necklace because it's shaped like a heart and she wants his heart i'd be willing to bet anything that the only reason she wants that necklace because she wants it from him so much wrong here so much wrong but op does come in with her update and says first of all thank you all so much for all the support of my prior post i can't believe how many comments i received had a sit-down talk with my boyfriend this afternoon was very supportive and understanding

[02:17:34] for the most part i explained my feelings to him regarding the tiffany heart necklace and he immediately agreed to return it he seemed really disappointed over it but he said he understood where i was coming from so what we were going to do was buy her something together as a couple we'd already came up with a list of ideas and plan to go shopping tomorrow until a friend date this is where things got ugly i explained that i was uncomfortable with the situation because i said i felt like she had

[02:18:03] feelings for him which he disagreed with i asked her if it was okay if i came along and he said probably but i should tell her first so i told him to text her and ask if it was okay which she did right in front of me immediately she replied i guess sad face as we were sitting there talking she sent a second text that said why can't it just be you and me he replied and said he wanted me to come with them

[02:18:29] which seemed to piss her off because the next thing she sent is weird so if i invite you to this concert next month it better be just you and me i already bought you a ticket he responds and says he can't promise anything next thing you know she texts great so in other words your girlfriend's being a bitch and not letting you see me alone i have to go to work we'll talk tonight the fuck this just proves that she's a snake i told my boyfriend i wasn't going to put up with it and that he needs

[02:18:58] to start making some hard decisions immediately he agreed and said he had fixed things he said he'd end the friendship if he had to in order to keep me so i guess they're going to meet up and talk tomorrow oh the fuck her birthday and we do have a final update to this story as well but i'm just going to give you some comments to show you the general gist of the post starting with whiskey monk who says

[02:19:24] yeah for the record when my male friends start dating someone i always try to befriend their so if i want to hang out with them i always invite the person they're dating and i usually do it verbally so yes so is present so they know i want them around also as for my married friends i always always include the both of them for everything buying one gift too bad you're buying two or something they can both use i never want any lingering thoughts of insecurity from my friend's wives

[02:19:51] a friend is deliberately trying to put a wedge between you guys that or she's lacking some serious consideration and manners someone says did he respond to her calling you a bitch because that is not something you should put up with opi says yep he said i don't talk badly about your boyfriend so don't talk badly about my girlfriend otherwise you can fuck off she sent back sorry with a sad face

[02:20:16] doctor not escalator says honestly i don't see the friend as a snake i see her as being blindsided by you suddenly not being okay with them doing things close friends do like go to dinner or go to concerts together and she's hurt and confused and lashing out maybe not the nicest thing to do but i can see where she's coming from they've been friends for a long time there was no problem and now suddenly there is usually that's the first step to the friendship dying if it's a close friendship

[02:20:42] that sucks i think you're overreacting a bit by calling her a snake and so is your boyfriend by saying he'll end the friendship calm down and think things through instead of making snap decisions and one final comment before the update which says yeah your boyfriend really threw you under the bus here in all honesty it sounds like your boyfriend is the snake he buys her flowers and a heart necklace and he agrees to go to lunch with her alone for her birthday you find a problem with it and

[02:21:11] all of a sudden with no arguments he sways it in the complete opposite direction he then tells her that he can't ever spend any time alone with her without giving her a reason except that you want to chaperone he's making you out to be controlling manipulative girlfriend i'm willing to bet anything when he talks to her he'll be doing some major damage control and calling you a bitch to your back he acts inappropriately by mistake and then is a super boyfriend no news exactly what he's doing

[02:21:39] this entire story sounds fishy to me so then op comes in with their final update and says i apologize in advance if this comes out to be a huge fucking mess it turns out he's not as innocent as i'd previously thought and now i look like a fucking fool here last night i stayed at his place and we talked some more he said he was going to return the necklace first thing in the morning well he lied i went over to his place on my lunch hour and the damn thing was still laying on his nightstand he

[02:22:08] claimed he forgot to take it back and we'll have to do it later in my guts i felt like he was stalling me and i was right as i mentioned in my prior post my boyfriend and his best friend were going to have a talk today i honestly believed he was going to distance himself from her and explain to her that her actions were inappropriate well that didn't happen after two hours without hearing anything from him i text him to find out what was going on because i wanted to see him tonight after their talk

[02:22:38] he responded and said he just wanted to have a night to himself right away alarm bells were going off in my head because he's sending me short texts and is barely answering any of my questions i told him his evasive behavior was really beginning to worry me and he replied i'm sorry i'm just confused i text back what do you mean you're confused confused about what he took forever to respond but

[02:23:02] eventually admitted he's confused about our relationship instead of fighting over text i went over to his place to figure out what the problem was after lots of arguing he finally gave me the truth apparently during their talk this afternoon she told him she's had feelings for him since college and gotten to the point now where it's hard for her to be around him i asked him if the feelings were mutual and he replied i don't know in other words yes past what else was said during this talk and he said she basically feels bad

[02:23:32] because she feels like she's ruining our relationship and getting in between us well no shit that's when he brought up the idea of us possibly going on a break so he can sort their friendship out i told him i would never agree to something like that because it just gives him a license to sleep with her which brought up my next point i asked if he ever cheated on me with her and suddenly he became very defensive he said they only fooled around back when he was single funny how he never mentioned that before

[02:24:01] i told him i didn't believe him because of how defensive he was he then admitted that she kissed him during their talk but he pulled away after a couple of seconds because he felt bad but that's all that happened yeah i'm not stupid even if it was just a kiss he should have made it clear to her that he wasn't interested not this i don't know if i have feelings for her bs at that point i told him that we're done our relationship is over i don't want to be in a relationship with someone i can't trust

[02:24:29] he didn't even fight for me all he did was apologize and said he didn't mean to hurt me whatever it's all bullshit all the signs were there but i chose to ignore them the flowers the watch the heart necklace the way she acted around him etc all the signs were there i'm really trying to look on the bright side i know i deserve better i already feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders my relationship wasn't going anywhere especially with her in the picture and i should

[02:24:57] have ended it earlier i'm extremely grateful that this happened now and not a couple of years down the road when we were engaged or something i have plenty of great friends and family to lean on for support so everything will be fine i'm moving on for good thank you everyone for your help over the past couple of days it's been really therapeutic writing all this stuff down and i thought i missed a part about the flower and the watch which but there was an additional

[02:25:24] comment so i'm just gonna add those comments on the very end just so you get the full story opie said oh fuck don't get me started on the flowers we had an incident on valentine's day where he sent her some he knows better now edit i'll explain she got dumped the day before valentine's day and claimed to be sad because she wasn't going to get any flowers my boyfriend being a hero sent flowers in another comment op quoted someone saying has this relationship between your so and his bf

[02:25:52] caused issues before or seemed a bit off hope he said hmm not at first i didn't feel things were off until she gave him a 225 dollar watch for his birthday i specifically asked her if she had any ideas for me because i wanted to get him something special and she flat out told me she had no clue what he wanted then she pulls that stunt and buys him that watch made me feel like i really don't know it's just weird i've never been in a relationship with a guy before that had a best

[02:26:20] girlfriend it's like she knows she's special to him and she tries to rub it in my face she's super sweet to my face almost to the point of being fake so it's not like i can call her out or anything i never understand like when they can see their relationships in a hard place and they got this stuff going on and he said making the suggestion of oh can we just take a break so i can sort the friendship out basically so he can try both sides and see what she prefers i mean that is just i always

[02:26:47] find that my mind-blowing that that thinking but what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below let's move on to another story and our next story is going to come from the am i the asshole subreddit doesn't have an update as yet from cool temperature 316 and says am i the asshole for telling my in-laws that if they want a grandchild they should give my wife

[02:27:11] her inheritance now basically my in-laws want their only child my wife diana to start pumping out grandchildren diana is 28 and just finishing her phd then she wants to get established in a career before we start a family my in-laws know how much money i make and they know we could live comfortably off my earnings this isn't what diana wants she has worked her ass off to get where she is and she wants

[02:27:37] to reap the reward of her hard work she also says that once she is working then i can cut back on my hours and i'm a welder and relax a little i've been working since i was 15 so literally half my life i make a very good living in return for a lot of fairly hard work i've supported diana and her education she will graduate without student loans we have a house she has a good car we have a good life

[02:28:02] we want a few more years alone before we start our family over christmas the in-laws just wouldn't drop it i finally snapped i said if they wanted grandchildren they could reimburse us for her education they could further pay her the salary she would be given up when she returned to work they could pay her the difference between what she could be earning and her entry-level position they could pay for a nanny so my wife could work or they could back off and wait for us to be

[02:28:28] ready they said they couldn't afford all of that i asked them how they expected us to afford it i said that if it was really what they wanted they could just give her the inheritance that would be coming her way now instead of later they got all offended and said it's not hers until they don't need it anymore diana asked me to drop it she's tried dozens of times to explain to her parents why we are waiting they just ignore her they ignore what we want for our lives they have been very cold

[02:28:57] since christmas they seem to think i was a rude arsehole for pointing out the costs of what they are asking for a lot of her family agree with them that i went too far in asking them to pay if they want a grandchild now instead of later i'm gonna start off with the bad agent who says not the arsehole they have to be reminded in very strong terms that is literally none of their business they have absolutely no say whatsoever in when you both choose to procreate not being nice about it they

[02:29:24] need to be put in their proper place if they want a new baby around their option is to adopt that's where they have a say otherwise they need to shut the fuck up and back all the way off hp headache says not the arsehole been there husband was studying for his phd and we kept getting that question eventually i snapped and pointed out the only person with a permanent job was me and would be waiting until we had one too pretty sure it didn't help my relationship with my in-laws but that

[02:29:52] was their problem corgi huntress replies that same here only i was getting the phd father-in-law kept asking us if we were in the pink yet eventually he gave up we had our kid 10 years after we got married after i got my ma and my phd and been working luckily i went far away so i didn't have to listen to that question often thank goodness i'd have to say something entirely

[02:30:16] inappropriate now that i think about it i wish i had that would have been fun bro what's with the father-in-law saying in the pink yet i'm hoping that's something to do with like an actual like the lines on a pregnancy test holy shit alpha wolferin says was your snapback harsh and arsehole-ish yes was it deserved absolutely sometimes we need to be arseholes they were constantly persistent and

[02:30:43] pressuring you both despite your wife repeatedly explaining why you both wanted to wait they needed to be shut down once and for all moving forward if they try to start up again keep it short and firm we aren't ready we aren't discussing this and move on eta justified arsehole slash not the arsehole maywell flower says not the arsehole they wanted grandkids that badly they should help pay for yet they have the audacity to want them when they themselves can't afford while trying to trample

[02:31:12] your wife's work and career plans honestly your in-laws and their flying monkeys need to shut the fuck up now and forever more because when you and her do have children you and your wife can prevent and block them from being around said children and a final comment from kick it who says everyone sucks here then for pushing and giving you unsolicited opinions about your married life and both of you for not just having clear boundaries and not just shutting it down straight up instead you got into

[02:31:39] a stupid back and forth about money their finances are none of your business in your reproductive track is none of their business so why engage like that you both need to practice firm boundaries now if you're even considering having kids mom and dad will start a family when and if we are ready at some point and at that point we will inform you we'll not engage in any further discussion on this change subject here each and every time it comes up shut it down leave or end a phone call if you have to

[02:32:08] leave a cooling off period for a while while it gets heated do not try to engage in back and forth or personal discussion if you don't engage and you're consistent in response they can't ignore it if they've really started handing over money would that actually change your wife's mind anyway i highly doubt it she's establishing a career first which is perfectly normal in this day and age responded to the situation in a way that wasn't even meaningful for the situation

[02:32:34] nor is it something your wife would have agreed with but now i'm gonna turn this one to you guys put yourself in op's position how would you have dealt with it maybe you agree with that everyone sucks here comment maybe you have a different opinion on the matter let us know your thoughts down in the comments below now our next story comes from throwaway vampy and there is a couple of warnings on the story so if you do want to skip it please feel free to do so it says it contains emotional

[02:33:01] abuse and manipulation and also sexual abuse as well and it says i've been living with my girlfriend 26 female for almost a month dating for one and a half years she's revealing an increasing interest in vampire role playing which was fun at first but now i'm 24 male worrying it's going too far okay so basically we've been seeing each other for a while and have talked a lot about moving in together we

[02:33:30] spent a lot of time at each other's places anyway and so once this covid thing was getting more serious we figured now was a good time to just bite the bullet and do it i was nervous obviously due to the fact we'd been spending most of the day together i was nervous obviously due to the fact that we've been spending most of the day together every day since we don't leave except to go for food shopping but i think it's a good test to see if we're okay with this then getting married is definitely a realistic option

[02:33:59] obviously spending a lot of time alone there's only so much netflix i can watch although the massive amount of weed we bought has helped a lot i haven't smoked much since uni but figured with this downtime and we've been having a lot of sex we used to be pretty active before this and have role played in the past and have done a vampire one before however now since moving in it's been popping back up very frequently and while it was a bit of a laugh the first few times she's now focusing a lot more on

[02:34:28] the authenticity i did not realize there was so much knowledge available about vampires and not to go into too much detail but while she's in character she is apparently a sam gwayne about s-a-m-e-w-e-i-n which is not elvish or welsh apparently i am almost always a powerless regular human which i'm cool with but i don't really want to do homework to prep for roleplay accuracy

[02:34:54] at the start it was just some light bondage and biting which was cool but now more recently it's turning into heavier duty restraints and there is more biting which i was okay with but after the third time of her drawing blood i've asked her to reduce the bites they were dangerous it was mainly around the upper shoulder which she was annoyed and called me boring i now see her practicing these fancy ass knots all day and while i can't see what she's doing on her computer my gut is that

[02:35:23] she is researching more vampire stuff and i should add that she started doing more vampire stuff in her everyday life which i thought was her doing a bit at first but now i'm less sure i am non-religious but her family is christian i think she was never really actively practicing but she did have a few jesusy things about like a cross necklace she wore which i found all bundled together in a bag stuffed in the

[02:35:48] back of the wardrobe she's still fine with garlic what the hell i have spoken to her several times about all this before i decided to post but it always involves a lot of deflection and her telling me not to worry that i'm overthinking and to just have another joint or drink i'm just worrying that this is an escalating situation to maybe cope with the quarantine or moving in is there anything i should

[02:36:13] be worried about has anyone had a similar situation with their partner we are entering unknown territory here folks holy moly but yeah there's definitely a problem if you know you're expressing your concerns and your your boundaries if you like and she's saying no just go and smoke a joint or whatever and that you're overthinking the situation no you got a boundary and that should be respected but salt

[02:36:39] working comes in with some information they said okay i'm going to unwrap some freaky stuff for you to digest sanguine out s-a-n-g-u-i-n-e refers to people who actually believe they are vampires and get life-sustaining nutrients from ingesting blood most of these people believe they only need a few drops to last them a while though this depends on the person other people feed off chronic energy most vital

[02:37:04] is sexual in nature like biting someone or taking their energy during sex after reading your story i have a reason to believe your girlfriend thinks she's an actual vampire and is just telling you it's a character to not be criticized there are groups out there who believe this as well they get donors regular non-vampires to donate energy or drops of blood for them however these groups have ethical guidelines i do not believe you can take this from people without their full consent of what's

[02:37:30] going on you can look for resources online about this type of thing but your girlfriend is not being open and honest she's manipulating the situation i would say while she may not be physically dangerous she is mentally my advice break up with her if you like vampire chicks make sure they are open and honest and they get your consent first she ain't the one edit also she's fine with garlic make believe

[02:37:55] characters have a problem with it people who believe they are vampires don't at best she believes she's a vampire and is manipulating you while draining you without your consent at worst she is mentally unstable sadistic and doesn't care about your consent how well do you know her don't sleep with your eyes closed holy you learn new stuff and scare yourself at the same time on reddit sometimes holy moly

[02:38:20] felindell 19 says plenty of good advice in here but i just want to add one important note human mouths are filthy and a human bite can become a serious infection make sure your tetanus vaccine is up to date seriously people who play and believe they are vampires don't bite each other for that reason they cut they're very careful about sanitation panty panda says listen i think it's important to point

[02:38:45] out that her being into vampire stuff isn't really the problem people can be into vampire stuff and that's fine the most important thing here is that your partner is going against your wishes during sex without your consent and then shaming you for it she's also doing things that are upsetting or concerning you and instead of actually talking about it she's telling you to smoke weed or drink to forget about it that's incredibly fucked up if at all possible i would have a serious conversation about it and if it can't happen or

[02:39:15] she doesn't want to cooperate i would leave her so opie did come in with her update and says so i'm aware this is kind of a delayed update but in all honesty after making the post i was fully prepared to leave it move on and deal with it myself as well as some personal issues i just didn't really see this as a priority for me i just want to say i read lots of the comments even a few of the twitter ones and the

[02:39:40] first thing i want to get off my chest is that holy fuck it's sanguine not sam gwayne hope he originally thought it was like a name i feel like such a fucking idiot it made research so much easier i watched all of the lord of the rings but didn't learn anything about them my friend is part welsh but he didn't know what i meant and how to drop it quickly to avoid embarrassment there were so many results on it online and it seemed pretty daunting so i didn't read much into it yet i'm waiting for when i'm in a

[02:40:10] good reading mood i would just get straight to the point and say i don't know exactly what i would call the current status on my relationship with her but it's definitely ending i'm thankful people recognize my situation as potentially abusive it sounds weird but until it was pointed out it hadn't really clicked with me she has always been somewhat assertive before she works in a demanding field and knows what she wants and i've been all too willing to go along with anything because she always knew better for

[02:40:38] the first week after my post i skirted around the idea of saying anything to her because she gets very upset easily and i didn't want to have a confrontation most arguments we had seemed one-sided and i would always compromise in the end even doing stuff i wasn't comfortable with the vampire stuff isn't the first weird horror roleplay we've had was happy to go along with the vamp stuff because it required literally hours less preparation than some of the other stuff we did the silver lining was that i

[02:41:06] never had to do much she would do 95 of the prep she spent hours one time doing makeup and all i had to do was get a red balloon i think that level of dedication is something i really admire about her things had calmed down for the first and second week probably because my girlfriend's work had picked up and she mentioned some developments into memorizing me i think to draw she's a really nifty artist and truth be told a nice distraction from the world events i have even begun cooking recently

[02:41:36] as a hobby and so lent more into that although i struggle with cooking with meat it makes me feel sick i've only really started eating it in the last few months as it made making dishes for the both of us a lot easier i also reduced my smoking quite a bit as i feel like it was harming my judgment i only really have a couple of beers a day at most now and i feel a lot more healthy after this i was feeling myself in a much healthier mindset and so a couple of weeks ago at dinner i brought up the vampire

[02:42:05] stuff although she took that to mean i wanted to progress it further i wish i could say i was able to summarize my feelings succinctly but for some reason as soon as i started saying i wasn't comfortable with the direction this was all taking i started hyperventilating and had what i think was a panic attack my girlfriend started crying she thought i was having a heart attack or something and her inhaler did fuck all as well after i'd calmed down i was able to get across to her what i was trying to say

[02:42:34] but it turned heated quite quickly she said i was trying to shame her but all i was trying to say was that i didn't want to bleed it's not normal to go through this many plasters i'd aim that as a joke which is the go-to method to diffuse a situation but she did not consider it funny at all which is stupid because i'm the one who was being bled we didn't really talk for a couple of days and tensions were high but we had a rational discussion a few days ago where we came to the conclusion the

[02:43:02] relationship wasn't working obviously we can't just up and leave right now so we're still together for the time being but once we can freely move about we can split up and move away from each other i think this is quite a healthy resolution i'm sorry if some of you expected something more horrifying in this update and i won't lie some of the comments i read had me seriously worried for my life but i know her better than you were based on a single internet post and she is a good person

[02:43:29] and that was op's last post on the matter and i hope that they did split up because regardless of what op says at the very end they're saying that they know her better and she's a good person it certainly didn't feel like that at the very end of this post for me she saw that you were struggling with that conversation was worried for you etc and when you did calm down and you was trying to express what you were saying it turned heated quite quickly and she said that you're trying to shame her so she

[02:43:56] was trying to switch the situation back around you rather than accept that you had boundaries like you did in the first post and she played down your concerns in that one as well the simple fact of the matter is consent needs to go both ways with these things you're not shaming her not wanting to take part in it you're not shaming her for saying that you don't want to bleed and i'm not trying to make light of this situation because obviously what op is going through it's pretty serious for them right i had to pause on the red balloon thing and i was thinking oh my word what's

[02:44:26] she up to now and i i have to admit it instantly made me think of pennywise it made me think of the film it single red balloon i think that would pop up in most people's heads maybe that's just me let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and what you think of this story holy moly wasn't expecting that one first thing in the morning but let's move on to another story and our next story

[02:44:50] does come with an update as well from minuteship4330 from the am i wrong subreddit who says i didn't invite one of my best friends to my girlfriend's birthday and he's upset i'm 26 male my girlfriend 22 female is turning 23 in march and i'm organizing a surprise birthday dinner for her at a large restaurant with some of mine and her friends we've been dating since december 2020 and i plan on proposing to her this

[02:45:17] year she likes most of my friends except for one of them one of my best friends 26 male who i've known since 2009 when we were 12 years old despises him she says he's rude and insufferable to be around her friends also don't like him i don't know why but whenever we're all together those two don't get along he's also more critical of her to me than any of my other friends to be fair he's like that towards

[02:45:44] everyone's girlfriend he prides himself on being a shit talker but the rest of us have learned to ignore him it's to the point where my girl explicitly tells me she won't go out with my friends and i if he's there i hate hate hate to use an alfra's reference but it's almost comparable to how much pam and ryan didn't like each other in the later seasons except slightly worse so of course i'd be stupid to invite him to her birthday party right i thought that was a pretty reasonable decision

[02:46:14] i told her earlier this month i'd take her to a fancy and expensive mediterranean restaurant she's always been wanting to go to for a birthday as a date what she doesn't know is i made a reservation for 20 people six of my friends who she likes 13 of hers and her sister they all know we have a group chat and we're keeping it a secret today at work he messages me asking where his invite was i'm not even sure how he found out but obviously one of my friends must have let it slip

[02:46:43] which doesn't make sense since we agreed he shouldn't be there i explained that she doesn't really like him and inviting him to her birthday would be disrespectful adding in that if it were mine he'd be one of the first i'd invite he tells me how betrayed he felt that i left him out like that on such a big occasion and a few more blocks of text venting to me never seen him that serious he's usually a goofball in our text convos i mean i feel bad leaving him out but why would i invite

[02:47:13] someone my girlfriend actively dislikes to her birthday am i wrong now the first line that popped into my head after i read this is you know that's just how i am you know you've got to excuse his shit because that's just how he is excuse we've seen it time and time again and you know the girlfriend knows this all her friends don't want to be around him either and even yourself know this because he prides himself on being a shit talker but it's all excused because that's just how he is you

[02:47:42] know shove that noise the fact is he needs to be told that he's making a whole bunch of people uncomfortable and that's why he's not being invited to places and the fact that when he was told about this instead instead of taking a step back of course yeah you're going to be shocked to be told that someone doesn't like you of course but but to label yourself as a shit talker and then find out when someone doesn't like you that you should that should seriously make you take a step back and think

[02:48:10] shit yeah i'm really messed up here can i have the chance to apologize a bit of self-reflection of some sort but it wasn't he continued to to complain at how he feels betrayed and send you blocks of text venting to you kind of says it all to me but relevant comments crocodile zebra milk says so your girlfriend sees your friend's behavior as an issue and refuses to be around him her friends see your friend's behavior as an issue and refuse to be around him you and your friends admit you all see an

[02:48:39] issue and choose to ignore it it sounds like your best friend is the arse or wherever he goes and you and your friend group just enable his behavior to the point where he thinks it's okay to continue to act this way hope he says when i say we ignore it i just mean we just stop taking a lot of what he says with more than a grain of salt you turn to shut the fuck up a lot of the time but if he doesn't listen then hey what can you do he wasn't always like this just happened in the past two years not a bad person

[02:49:07] but can be annoying as fuck sometimes which we also tell him to his face local gazelle 538 says tell him if he stops being an asshole and shit talking then he might get invited to things tell him all your friend group is over it and he needs to cut it out if something happened two years ago to change his personality then suggest therapy op says i think it was literally just

[02:49:31] spending time online 24 7 during 2020 and 2021 and someone suggests to op that his girlfriend is controlling him and not letting him have friends and op says she's not controlling at all never told me i can't be friends with him but she hates his guts and personally doesn't want to see his face so op does come back in to update the post and says i work remote once a week and decided that today because i didn't get much sleep last night and i'm was dealing with this stressful situation

[02:50:01] i gave my friend the time and space that he needed before giving him a call at 9am i spent about a full minute apologizing for going behind his back and making him feel left out of the whole situation before i could continue he apologized to me for overreacting and feeling entitled after that i spent about five minutes telling him that the way he behaves in front of her her friends and other people's girlfriends is unacceptable he needs to work on the way that he treats them and other people outside

[02:50:28] our friend group i told him that this is my future wife the future mother of my children she will be a part of my life and just as importantly his life as well if we are friends i'm not going to ignore any more disrespect towards my woman and if he keeps this up he will not be able to make it to our wedding i told him that he's important to me and i want him to be a part of our life but in order for that to happen he needs to find a way to fix his behavior around our partners

[02:50:56] i told him he needs to apologize to her and since she is very forgiving and caring person she'd be more than willing to give him another chance if and only if he swears to never cross this boundary of shit stirring again there's a reason her friends don't like him and we his friend group can respect that decision i also told them that if he ever wants to sit down with me and talk about what's been causing him to act so childish since 2021 and i'm here for him he gave me an equally long talk

[02:51:24] apologizing and telling me he didn't perceive his words to be more than mere banter although they were very clearly more than that lol told me he swore to keep my girl's name out of his mouth in any disrespectful way as well as of now we've agreed that he should meet my girlfriend and her sister 20 or 21 i forgot in person and apologized to both since she also really doesn't like him and they had a bit of an argument the one and only time they met he told me he sort of likes her sister

[02:51:55] which sort of made sense but i told him to forget that idea since she already hates him and the farthest he ever get with her is forgiveness and tolerance at this point anyway that's it sort of boring but i'm glad we sorted it out he also accepted that he won't be at her birthday now i'm not sure how that's going to go in the future it sort of made me feel a bit uneasy the fact that you know the only time that that sisters met him they basically had a falling out and he's

[02:52:25] gonna meet her again and the first thing that pops into his head is like i sort of like her maybe we can go out on a date like dude she hates your guts man don't even go down that road but what do you guys make of this situation a couple of wild ones there today let us know your thoughts down in the comments below now our next story comes from a throw away account from the relationship advice subreddit and

[02:52:50] says my 40 male wife 36 female was seen holding hands with another man my wife 36 female and i 40 male have been together for five years and got married last year we definitely have our ups and downs but we're generally happy on friday she went out with people from her work for christmas drinks and arrived home around midnight absolutely hammered she just said she had a good time and went straight to bed

[02:53:19] yesterday i got a message on instagram from an anonymous account claiming to be one of her colleagues saying she'd been flirting all night with one of the guys from the office 44 male and they'd left together about nine to walk to the train station the colleague had a couple more drinks then went to the station herself and says she saw my wife walking hand in hand with a guy through the station at about 10 45 they didn't see her last night i showed her the message then asked her for an

[02:53:48] explanation she claimed she was so drunk she doesn't remember anything that happened after about 8 pm i asked if she went somewhere with the guy after they left the group and she checked the location history on her phone which confirmed they'd gone to a bar near the station for about an hour they arrived at the station at 10 40. she gave me a phone and insisted i check it and there were no suspicious messages or anything as far as i could tell she doesn't have the guy's number in her phone

[02:54:15] and they're not following each other on instagram or friends on facebook i asked if she was flirting with him and she admitted that she was talking mostly to him all night but that's just because he's the only person in her office that she has anything in common with and that they're just friends and it wasn't flirting she mentioned this guy to me before and said how much they have in common i asked if they were holding hands and she said she doesn't remember but she doesn't think so

[02:54:42] she claims to know who sent me the message and says it's a woman in the office who hates her although she doesn't know why today she's been in a terrible mood and we've not really spoken so that's where we are i'm not sure what to do is this as big as a red flag as it seems to be and we start in the comments with okay but not okay who says there's a collection of issues here but the terrible mood today seems a big one the information you received is largely correct

[02:55:10] it looks a bit fishy and instead of reassurance she is in retaliation mode no doubt focusing on her office rival she should be apologizing and doing what she can to defuse the situation getting so drunk you can't recall and focusing on a particular man and going off privately with him i wonder what she would feel if this was something you had done tell her to lose the attitude and figure out how she plans to sort this out that sloth duke replies that's an op should really focus on this

[02:55:39] advice she voluntarily gave up her phone for examination unless she has a second cell phone chances are that she isn't having an affair op should check her car for it if there is no affair she should at least be attracted to him to get to a point where she's holding hands with him that combined with the fact that she isn't going into crisis mode but is generally just pissed that her colleague points to the fact that she is just a shitty partner not necessarily a cheater

[02:56:04] but a very shitty partner nevertheless i don't know for me in this one you know just the the holding hands and flirty would be enough to be raising my suspicions absolutely and of course i've got no proof of the situation at all and it might be as always just one too many reddit stories read this is give me bad vibes admirable ad says your wife should be more worried about her relationship

[02:56:29] with you but she's all about the office fight bro the other person did you a solid now you know cheaters who are good use burner phones so her phone being clean means nothing instead of reassuring you she's in a foul mood really time to start planning an exit as you can reach out to the man she's left with spouse show her your evidence she needs the truth as well start using condoms

[02:56:53] while having sex with her get std checked if she asks why the condoms tell her you're irresponsible drunken nights you cannot remember so you went for std tests she should do the same bro for me this is an end all a reaction of not even considering this can harm you is telling and a final comment from new arrival who says so she probably wasn't blackout drunk she most likely just saw an opportunity and left

[02:57:17] the party to spend time with the co-worker she's been talking about and had her eye on for some time adults don't leave a party for four hours to just walk around a train station holding hands you are getting trickle truth unless she goes totally no contact with this co-worker and that included getting a new job the end result is you will find out she had an emotional affair and probably a physical affair that will continue as long as she works with him so op does update the post and says

[02:57:46] a few people requested an update to my last post and a lot has happened in the last week so here it is i'll post any further updates on my profile sam came home from work on monday and casually said that she'd spoken with the guy tom and he'd confirmed that they hadn't held hands they'd just been walking arm in arm because she was drunk and wearing heels i asked why her colleague helen would make an instagram account track me down and message me saying they held hands if it wasn't true she said

[02:58:15] helen is basically in love with tom and made a pass at him just after his divorce but he rejected her i asked why helen would feel threatened by her she said because her and tom are friends and helen's a crazy jealous bitch as evidenced by the instagram message i asked why she went for a drink just her and tom she said that according to tom they walked past this bar with an amazing live band playing so they stopped in for a drink her only regret was doing too many shots too early and getting

[02:58:44] shit-faced the next day she went shopping after work and came home with a new dress i asked what the occasion was and she said her work christmas party last week was just drinks with people from her office the company christmas party is on friday apparently she had mentioned this i hardly slept that night the next day i decided to reply to the instagram message to get some more info i asked do you think

[02:59:10] anything's going on with them helen i assume quickly replied with a long message saying that they flirt at work and everyone's noticed apparently sam was going to be let go but tom put in a good word so she kept her job tom protects her in the office and will constantly defend her she's also said that sam bitches about me to the whole office and it's clear we don't have a happy marriage i asked if she was going to the christmas party and she said she was she said she'd update me if anything happened sam

[02:59:39] finished work early on friday so she had time to get ready he looked amazing and i really didn't want her to go but i felt like i couldn't say anything i got an instagram message about midnight saying sam and tom hadn't interacted at the party that people from the office had decided to leave and go to a different bar they all left just before 11 and were at the new bar by 10 past sam arrived home about 2 am not quite as drunk as last time and went straight to sleep i pretended to be fast asleep

[03:00:10] i looked at location history on her phone after leaving the venue she'd taken a three mile detour to a residential street stayed for half an hour then gone to the bar i sent the address to helen didn't reply until the next morning when she said it was tom's house when sam woke up i just asked her straight out if she cheated on me with tom last night she angrily denied it i told her that i knew

[03:00:34] she'd been to tom's house she accused me of spying on her called me controlling said she was going to stay with her sister i demanded an explanation and she said she went to his house so they could smoke a joint before heading to the bar then she stormed out she wouldn't reply to my messages or answer my calls all sunday i called her sister who said she hadn't seen her but she texted me later that she'd spoken to sam and she was okay sam came home yesterday morning i asked where she had been and

[03:01:04] she just said she couldn't do this anymore and wants a divorce she went to start packing some clothes while i tried to get her to talk to me i asked if she was leaving me for tom she once again denied anything inappropriate had happened between them but said my jealousy was the final straw it's clear i don't trust her i'm controlling i take her for granted she's deeply unhappy has been for a

[03:01:27] while so she's gone it looks like i'll be spending my first christmas alone i have no idea if she was telling the truth or if it was an affair weirdly i'm not feeling too bad today so maybe this is for the best and we have op's final update it starts off when she was gone sam blocked me on all her social media and refused to return my messages or answer my calls i ended up traveling to the other side of

[03:01:56] the country to spend christmas with my parents on christmas eve sam came home and took more of her stuff i watched her on our security cameras i tried phoning her but she ignored my course christmas wasn't great and my parents were both shocked and in denial about what has happened they had no idea we were having issues and insisted sam would come to her senses and come home eventually i just said she had met someone else i returned home on the 27th i've been getting sporadic updates from sam's

[03:02:23] sister just letting me know she's all right but without any details before all this happened we made plans to spend new year's eve at sam's favorite bar in the city i went on my own but she didn't show up on tuesday night i received an instagram message from helen saying that sam and tom had arrived at work together in tom's car i didn't bother replying on wednesday night she sent another message saying sam was poisoning the office against her and that tom was pushing up a management to transfer her to

[03:02:52] another office or get rid of her she begged me to do something i text sam and said we needed to talk but she didn't reply so the next day i called a work switchboard gave a fake name and got put through i could tell she wasn't happy to hear my voice but she agreed to meet up after work at a local pub and talk i got there early and she arrived 25 minutes late she apologized for ignoring my calls

[03:03:17] and said she still cares about me and wants to end things on good terms i said just tell me the truth she promised that she wasn't having an affair with tom and they were just friends she admitted that they talk a lot in the office but insisted it wasn't an emotional affair she understands why i was suspicious after the instagram message but said i should have accepted her denial and trusted her she has a lot of male friends but she felt like she couldn't hang out with them because i'd get

[03:03:45] jealous i pointed out that i've never told her not to hang out with anyone but she said i'd be in a mood whenever she'd hang out with a guy friend she feels like we only got married to try and fix a relationship that was already broken our conversations have devolved into small talk and we've drifted apart i said i'd heard that she and tom arrived at work together sam said she went to tom's after i accused her of cheating and knew it was over between us they spent the weekend together

[03:04:13] and agreed they'd make a better couple than we did she needed me to know that nothing happened between them until after she told me she wanted a divorce and now they were together and she wanted me to hear it from her before i saw it on social media tom was waiting outside for her in the car all i could do was stand up and walk out sam text me saying she knew i was upset but not to do anything

[03:04:37] stupid i blocked her number i'm not gonna lie it was a rough night the next day i was just numb didn't really do much over the weekend i dug out our marriage certificate so i can start divorce proceedings i've no idea what to say to helen so i haven't replied i think the plan now is to try and find a new job closer to my hometown i moved across the country to live with sam and i've never really felt

[03:05:02] settled here i also don't want to run into her and tom around town luckily we rent this will probably be my last update unless something miraculous happens so thanks for reading i'm not buying the whole didn't cheat thing and she only got with tom after they had broken up etc etc it just doesn't feel like that to me the whole you know being at his place for half an hour just to go and smoke a joint apparently

[03:05:28] you know there's an absolute possibility there's an absolute possibility that it might be a rebound relationship etc etc but all of this just feels out there to me apparently these were just good friends at work just colleagues you know that would talk to each other etc etc but then soon as they broke up she went to spend like the weekend with him and then just decided instantly just instantly

[03:05:50] like this we'd make a better couple than i did with my husband yeah it just feels off you know but what's your thoughts on this one maybe you got a different take on the matter let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story and our next story comes from the am i the arsehole subreddit does have an update as well from throwaway car man and before we do get

[03:06:16] into it just a quick warning there's discussions of death of a pet within the story so if you want to skip it please feel free to do so you know where those time stamps are and it's titled am i the arsehole for buying a brand new car even though my fiance said not to even though we needed it so me 28 male and my fiance ashley 30 female have been together for eight years i'm the only one who drives as she doesn't have a license so she relies on me when transportation is an issue going to work getting

[03:06:46] groceries etc as for my car it's a piece of shit i love it when people just like that i've had it for five years and i do not know how i managed to make it last this long that's nearly 250 000 miles on it in these four new tires new brakes the engine is worn and according to the mechanic the transmission will go any day so getting a new car was a pretty big priority at least for me anyway ashley didn't

[03:07:15] see it that way she did not want me to get a new car at all she started an argument with me that it would be too expensive and we won't have any money for our wedding later this year if we buy one but i have money i've budgeted a lot and i could afford to buy a brand new car without digging into my savings and so i have plenty left in my checking granted yes i could have just bought a used car but i swore to myself to get a brand new one because i don't want high maintenance costs

[03:07:43] again despite showing her the numbers and everything and even agreeing that we'd still have plenty of money she still refused i decided that i would get a new car anyway and bought one paid in full earlier this week she was extremely pissed since then ashley has been avoiding me and figuring out other costly means of transportation on her own the way i see it getting a new car was an absolute necessity but

[03:08:10] she did not think so did i really do something wrong should i have bought a used car is there something else i was missing there was a couple of comments op added in replies to people so someone's talking about the finances op said it was purely my money and my money alone we have separate finances someone says did she have trouble with you buying a new car or just a car in general op says she had an issue with me buying another car in general she wanted me to keep my current car

[03:08:39] until it died for whatever reason someone says this is a clear sign you shouldn't be married yet as your relationship is not healthy op says if you're talking about her driving license she has tried multiple times but failed each time but tater sprout says not the arsehole a reliable vehicle is more important than spending that money on a wedding this old car was already a money pit given her reaction i would postpone the wedding she doesn't get to make all the decisions herself she isn't mature enough to be

[03:09:07] married to isaac the madman says not the arsehole you are not married it's your car your money and your life whether she sees it as a necessity or not she has no right to be mad at you for spending your own money to buy yourself something that needed replacing stevie says as you have separate finances not the arsehole though take this opportunity to take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship if you two are struggling to come to an agreement about buying a car you think your communication

[03:09:35] and compromise ability will get better in the future simply because you got married and a final comment from jewel cat lady who says not the arsehole she doesn't drive don't say if she pays for gas at all it was your savings from your income you just completely dismiss potentially dangerous and expensive issues hydroplane on overworn tires good luck keeping the car good luck keeping the car on the road and away from other cars or obstacles transmission goes out at speed on the freeway

[03:10:05] but i hope you can get to the shoulder without anyone hitting you even this woman is completely delusional about motor vehicles and finances or she doesn't give a fuck hope that you'll put the wedding on hold at least if not cancel altogether so a couple of days later op comes back in to update the post and says hello everyone thank you all for commenting on my post there is something i would like to address before getting to the update there's a few lengthy threads about how ashley must

[03:10:32] be using weaponizing competence since she's failed a driver's test several times the written part she has passed it's the driving section that she fails all the time you see she has adhd and is on the spectrum so she tensers up a lot when she gets behind the wheel while her anxiety has gone down in recent years driving is still a sore spot now many of you including me believe that this was all just financial abuse and she wanted control of my money well we were all wrong yesterday i went to

[03:11:02] take care of a few errands and when i came back ashley came to me with tears it looked like she'd been crying for a long time she apologized for getting angry at me and for avoiding me she said she knew my old car was on its last legs and knew a new one was necessary she also understood that there would be plenty of money left ashley admitted she wasn't mad about the money it was actually the memories of my old car she only mentioned the wedding because she didn't want to sound pathetic and seemed to be the

[03:11:31] most obvious choice you see last year we had a 14 year old german shepherd that we sadly had put down after she got cancer ashley had her ever since she was a pup and loved her very much and so did i ashley was an absolute mess after that we never took down her crate and had placed her old blankets pillows as well as her leash and collar in it what does this have to do with my car i still had her old

[03:11:57] blanket in my old car whenever we took her out some of her fur was still in the back seat as i almost never vacuumed the back ashley was afraid of forgetting her and that's why she wanted me to keep the car i assured ashley that i love her and i loved her dog if it meant anything i took the blanket out of the car which she asked me to place in the crate i donated my old car but the tow truck won't be there to pick it up until tomorrow so she asked to see the old car one last time so we drove

[03:12:26] to the lot and she had a tearful goodbye over it i took her out to eat after that to get her mind away from it so there you have it everyone this was never about money and there was one more relevant comment from op which was in response to this comment which said this relationship won't survive if she doesn't get therapy to which op said unfortunately she takes a psychiatrist seriously but a therapist nada and there was a lot of people sharing their stories of their attachments to their

[03:12:56] old vehicles you know some people it was like their step to adulthood if you like their step to freedom so they have strong memory strong bonds with their first car and all their stories of how tough it was to get rid of theirs so what about you when you got rid of your first car did it affect you in any way for myself to be honest i couldn't wait to get rid of my first car it was a it was a renault cleo and the clutch was a right knobhead on it some other people saying that they find ashley

[03:13:23] exhausting but what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below now our next story comes from in my feelings but i don't know and says am i the arsehole for refusing to pay a friend who paid for my wedding dress hey reddit i was looking to buy this dress from a brand in new york city because i'm not based there the only option was to go through

[03:13:48] a retailer where i'm based at and that would cost 2.4k excluding alterations i found a listing from still white and it was the exact dress i wanted in my size and brand new the previous owner had canceled her wedding for 900 just to clarify still white is like a a wedding dress marketplace if you like anyway we continue my longtime friend from school serena who happened to be in new york at the

[03:14:15] time agreed to pick it up for me and bring it back with her to where i'm based where she's also from i was really grateful and happy and i was even intending to gift her a hundred dollars on top of the uber rides to and from the place i said i would reimburse it as a token of my appreciation however my joy turned to shock horror dismay and disbelief when i saw serena's instagram story

[03:14:39] showcasing her trying on my wedding dress i called her out for it telling her i wasn't happy she not only tried it on without my permission but posted it for the public to see she didn't take it down even after a conversation we had about this to make matters worse she admitted she collected the dress posing as me for an email bill later i noticed that the dress had also been altered what the fuck on the

[03:15:07] spot all without my knowledge or consent when confronted serena nonchalantly stated that it was her one chance to try on a wedding gown and insisted i should get over it and reimburse her the 900 she paid for the dress my wedding dress experience was entirely hijacked i'm now hesitant to pay her back this all happened yesterday and she reached out today to ask for the money back and told me to

[03:15:33] get over it because she needs to make a big purchase tomorrow and it would help her cash flow since she wants it so bad she can now have it am i the arseo someone did ask op they said what kind of alterations can be done on the spot op says it was a waste alteration the context this bridal shop has a seamstress in-house and for dresses to board off the rack they offer an on-the-spot alterations unless it is

[03:15:59] significant in this case it was the waist now i'm not quite sure where the updates are going to go on this one but it's just one of those stories where i'm trying to put myself in that position she's picking up this dress and she just feels the need to pose as you and try it on i think and what is going through your mind and then to put the pictures on social media as well oh daring me the dress is

[03:16:25] technically second hand now as she's tried it on she altered it as well i don't know if i'm making this sound more dramatic than it needs to be but i certainly wouldn't want to be taking that dress now how do you feel about that one but um bop says not the arsehole she had it altered wow it's officially her dress now lucky her her one chance to try on a wedding gown is now her lifetime of owning a wedding

[03:16:49] gown she can try it on whenever she wants next commenter says not the arsehole you need a new dress and that woman is not your friend she wants to be in the spot and use your wedding dress to get views and invite her now or she will be the one in a blush pink lace dress at your wedding now if she has it in writing that you said you'd pay for the dress she can try and sue you now you can try and

[03:17:14] counter sue due to her getting the dress altered to her without your permission possibly causing more financial problems with any future alterations i wouldn't pay my friend for ruining the surprise of my wedding dress that i was excited i found i would have to take some time before i hunt for one again just to make sure there is no sour taste left in my mouth after this experience tarara says as a bride who is keeping a keen eagle eye on still white had to pick myself up from the

[03:17:42] floor after reading this she had it altered what the actual fuck nah that's hers she always wanted to try on a wedding dress well lucky her now she owns one and can try it on any time she wants let's have one final comment from sparkly sherbert 151 who says not the arsehole i can't believe she had some alterations made so your dress fitted her properly that's seriously messed up the entitlement

[03:18:07] of the situation and she doesn't even understand what she has done well her one chance to try on a wedding gown has turned into one chance to own a wedding gown because she's ruined it don't give her any money she needs to learn that she can't treat friends like that so opie did come in with her update and said first of all thank you everyone for being so empathetic and indignant on my behalf

[03:18:31] i don't feel crazy anymore when i saw her post i completely lost it i cried so pathetically i know everyone must be wondering why i'm even friends with serena and how that reflects on me as a person too serena and i go a long way back i've always known serena is a shitty friend but i still kept her around because of her mental health struggles i was the only friend connected to her family so if anything

[03:18:56] i'd have been the one to sound the alarm i don't think i could have lived with a guilt if anything really happened to serena but well i guess my job is done because serena's audacity tells me she's in a much better place good for her moving forward i don't have the dress on hand yet because it's still in new york with her she's coming back to where we're based february 24th i agree that she was

[03:19:21] doing me a favor and for that i think i will still pay her for the dress after all it is 900 dollars but with the following terms one i will only pay her upon receipt of the dress the trust is completely broken i don't know what else she might do to the dress sleep in it i unfortunately need this leverage over her until i have it in my hands else she has no incentive to keep her hands off of it for all i

[03:19:46] know she chucked it in a dusty storage to spite me two i will pay her for the 900 minus the cost of dry cleaning and alterations it's like borrowing a friend's clothing and not washing it before returning it did i mention she also tried it after a pilates class without showering lol i think this arrangement is fair and i would not owe her anything three i will end this friendship to be honest i think

[03:20:11] if serena and i met as adults we wouldn't be friends the friendship has ran its course i think i did the best i could in this she for real said i'm i'm pulling an anna sorokin on her serena called me a con artist and isn't even sorry that she reigned all over my parade friend human or she's uninvited need i say more then opiates a second update which says serena had actually told me there was lipstick

[03:20:38] stains on the dress and offered to buy a stain pen later i found out from the shop owner that the stains were actually caused by serena so serena not only lied blatantly but tried to cover up her vile behavior by coming across as helpful i have since reverted to serena and gave her two options one sell it to me at half the cost to cover alterations and dry cleaning two sell it to someone

[03:21:02] else she chose option two and showed no true remorse end of story and friendship shout out to my friends and reddit community happy holidays everyone many people after this one were saying there should have been like no options on the table you shouldn't have paid her anything op should never have offered to pay her anything for that dress and basically the best outcome come from this you're no longer

[03:21:27] friends with that person you know and you haven't got a dress which someone else has tried on got lipstick over there's a little part of me thinking that she's still going to return with this dress and expect op to buy it when she can't sell it for whatever reason but what do you guys make of this situation what would you do in opi's position i really hope op does go on to find their dream dress of course but

[03:21:53] let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story and our next story does have an update as well from the amirong subreddit from tastybandicoot7567 and says am i wrong for kissing another man under mistletoe despite my boyfriend telling me it was okay it's really late where i live everyone i could contact for advice is asleep so i'm here instead i'm

[03:22:22] completely freaking out over this so apologies if there are grammar mistakes also this is a burner account my friends know my other one my boyfriend nick male 29 and i female 26 went to a christmas party his cousin was hosting his cousin is really into community get-togethers so a lot of their neighbors were there as well as some family members of theirs someone brought a piece of mistletoe and was going around the party getting people to kiss towards the end of the night i was sitting on one of the sofas

[03:22:52] talking to their family friend john male 37 i've met him quite a few times before so we were chatting for a while and just joking around nick was by the kitchen part of the room talking to his cousins and some childhood friends the house is open plan so their living room dining room and kitchen is all one big room at this point the neighbor i'm not too familiar with came over with the mistletoe for john and i to kiss under i understood that this neighbor didn't know me or that i'm with nick so i laughed it off and

[03:23:22] said i'll skip my turn this neighbor seemed drunk and was being loud insisting that it's a tradition that we had to do it and all that kind of stuff john went to move away when nick and one of his friends noticed the commotion and joined in i think nick saw it as a joke and hence found it funny to join in encouraging john and i to kiss i told him as in nick why doesn't he get over here and i kiss him instead

[03:23:46] but nick kept insisting that i give john a kiss it was extremely awkward for the both of us john kept trying to change the topic and even got up to leave but nick seemed serious about it as his tone changed from being jokey to serious i said to john that i don't mind kissing the side of his mouth slash cheek and he said as long as it's okay with everyone and if they make them shut up then fine and so i kissed him by the corner of his mouth and that was it everyone dispersed and nick didn't seem bothered

[03:24:15] about it and even cheered before going back to his cousins while driving home nick was quiet so i asked him what was wrong he said that he didn't think i would actually kiss john and that it left a bad feeling in his gut i said that i only did it because he was encouraging it seemed like he didn't mind the kiss considering the circumstances because i thought it was in good fun this led to a big fight that i won't go into but it ended in nick saying that he was thinking about proposing to me on christmas

[03:24:43] but that this put things into perspective for him i'm sleeping on the couch for the night and feel absolutely terrible please let me know if i'm being a complete jackass so a comment which op replied to see attitude says alcohol changes all perspectives he put you in the spot you didn't want any part of it wasn't like he laid a big french kiss remind him it was under his insistence that you did him being

[03:25:11] an asshat has made you put things in perspective too not the arse off op says just to quickly clarify who was drinking had a few cocktails but wasn't completely drunk if anything i was just a bit tipsy so i sobered up immediately when we started arguing i know john had at least one drink while we were talking i don't know how many he had before that point and nick was driving so he didn't drink any alcohol and we'll

[03:25:36] start in the comments with shant sue says it does put things into perspective nick's a wanker bloody hell he can't tell you to do something practically force you by the sounds of it and then blame you and why the heck are you on the couch i hate every part of this story i really really don't like nick fangirl queen 69 says in quotes i told him as in nick why didn't he get over here and i kiss

[03:26:02] him instead but nick kept insisting that i give john a kiss and then says this is where i say you are not wrong you literally offered to kiss your boyfriend instead and he turned you down and told you to kiss john instead what did he expect to happen you said no you volunteered your boyfriend in john's place and he still kept insisting you kiss john i've heard of testing people in a relationship which is wrong but this is a whole different level next commenter says in quotes i told him as in nick why doesn't

[03:26:32] he get over here and i'll give him a kiss instead but nick kept insisting that i give john a kiss and says i mean you didn't want to he pushed you into doing something you didn't want to do and now he's mad at you if someone's willing to cancel a proposal over you doing something he told you to do it sounds like you dodged a bullet hell why even tell you he was thinking about it other than to make you feel worse i bet he was as serious about the proposal as he was about

[03:26:57] encouraging the kiss from sheila monarch who says oh i see it this was a setup and this is the thing he's going to hold over your head to get you to turn over control privacy and freedom that you otherwise might not now you'll be desperate to prove yourself at every turn don't fall for this gambit stand your ground and shrug off his pissiness about it adults have to use the words they mean

[03:27:20] not your fault he didn't win accomplished says he wasn't thinking about proposing to you he's being a complete asshat he basically pressured you into it what the fuck was he expecting you to do after continuously pressuring you in fact if i were in your shoes i'll tell him that his behavior put things in perspective and pack my shit and leave i don't stand for manipulation of any kind i don't even care

[03:27:46] bear says he wasn't going to propose he's emotionally abusing you hard look it up because i know people throw these terms around often i said around these often because it is that common but him forcing you to go along with and laughing and being fine in public been silent and picking the fight over it then thrown out there how he's about to propose but now doesn't trust you to do it and gave you attitude into feeling guilty and sleeping on the couch he doesn't love you he's fucking with you if he was

[03:28:14] going to genuinely propose because he loves you this wouldn't have happened like this at all and last comment from joranott smith who says i'm sorry but nick is a manipulative piece of shit he definitely knows what he is doing by testing the love you both have yes i know for sure that there was no engagement that was going to happen anytime nick is a manipulative person for all we know he might be the cheat in this relationship and just want to have a ground when it becomes an issue so op comes back

[03:28:43] in in the new year and says hi everyone and happy new year i just wanted to give a quick update and thank everyone who commented on my first post i really appreciate those who gave their perspective and while it was completely overwhelming it definitely opened my eyes i tried talking things out with nick in the hopes of getting some answers every time we talked it ended in an argument i tried asking if i could see the engagement ring why he encouraged me to kiss john and why he wouldn't kiss me instead when i suggested

[03:29:11] that at the party but every time i asked it would blow up into this big fight about me not trusting him this was his excuse for not showing me the ring or accuse me of trying to drag out the situation more than it needed to be to cut a long story short we broke up christmas eve i went to spend the holidays with my mom and i'm currently staying at hers while i try to sort through this i wasn't going to make an update about this but yesterday john text me for context usually a lot of nick's family and friends go

[03:29:41] to a specific new year's party in our town which i didn't attend this year for obvious reasons john said he was hoping to talk to me about this there but that when he went he found out about nick and i breaking up so he decided to text me instead anyways john apologized letting the mistletoe thing escalate to the point that we kissed i also apologized in case i made him feel uncomfortable and said it was a shitty situation for both of us to be in john said that the reason he was hesitant

[03:30:09] to walk away while the others were pressuring us was because according to him it was very obvious that i was drunk john didn't want to leave me alone with them in case one of them stepped in to try and kiss me instead he also feared that they would take it further considering they clearly didn't see any issue in the fact that i was drunk i thanked them for looking out for me and to be honest i had no idea that i was that drunk which is embarrassing to say the least also what i didn't know until yesterday

[03:30:36] was that after the kiss john pulled nick aside and confronted him nick never mentioned this to me john said he basically berated nick for encouraging that kind of behavior and for not protecting me i'm honestly shocked nick never mentioned this to me it kind of makes sense if he felt embarrassed by john confronting him i should also add that john apologized in case that was why nick was annoyed at me after the party that's it but thank you all once again i'm still not over any of this and i'm

[03:31:05] very tearful by how everything went down but i'm so extremely grateful for the support i found on here seriously i cannot thank you all enough for your insight livid parfait says to op in this one if john knew you were that drunk why did he kiss you knowing you had a boyfriend why not just stop the whole thing down and not kiss you why did he confront nick if he had not kissed you no need for a beatdown this must have not been a peck on the lips but a full-blown kiss i do not give alcohol

[03:31:34] on a pass on a reason for anything couples should keep their shit together at parties this is the classic case of two wrongs do not make it right opie says i mentioned in my original post that it was a kiss on the cheek and for full transparency and fair judgment i said i got the corner of his mouth too it was not a full-blown kiss on the lips also just to clarify now it was a peck and did not linger or anything like that i didn't realize i should have reiterated that in my update that's on me sorry about

[03:32:03] that and a lot of people saying that the breakup was the right solution in this situation questioning if there was ever going to be a proposal at all what do you guys make of this one let us know your thoughts down in the comments below now our next story comes from throwaway after who says my 42 female best friend 42 female told my husband 44 male i cheated and he's leaving i'll go right ahead

[03:32:32] and say the obvious i deserve this i'm the villain it's all my fault i know but my goodness i can't handle this i'm posting here in the hopes that someone has advice on how to win back a betrayed spouse back in 2001 yes 20 years ago i was young and dumb and did something horrible i'd been with my husband boyfriend at the time for five years at that point we grew up in the same hometown part of the

[03:32:58] same friend group as kids and fell in love in high school we've been together ever since after college however i got it into my head that my relationship was holding me down and stifling my self-expression my best friend julia agreed with the sentiment together we'd go out clubbing leaving our boyfriends at home we wouldn't do anything bad but there was still a thrill to knowing that other guys were looking at us well as they say never play with fire the more we partied the more julia

[03:33:25] wanted to cheat eventually she started making out with other guys at clubs and i'm ashamed to say that for a few nights i did the same dancing with guys and kissing them i put a stop to this after a few such incidents i felt disgusted with myself with her with these strangers i was kissing and most of all i felt horrible about cheating on the love of my life i told her that i couldn't hang out with her anymore if she was going to continue her cheating ways she understood and she put a stop to

[03:33:53] it as well of course all my moral indignation didn't give me the courage to actually fess up to what i did so we kept it our secret skip 20 years later i've hence married that boyfriend and he's my husband now we have four children 18 17 14 and 14 over these 20 years my best friend has practically faded out of the dating pool entirely she has a successful business of her own inherited from family and she dedicates her

[03:34:20] life to running it her social life is essentially hanging out with me or my husband and sometimes babysitting the kids well it turns out that she's gotten so chummy with my husband that one night in february of this year she had too much to drink and she ended up letting spill our little cheating incidents back in the day she didn't mention that i only did it four times kissing four different guys in total understandably she doesn't remember those specifics she just remembers that she cheated for

[03:34:45] almost an entire year and remembers i was doing generally the same to make matters worse she said this while my oldest son was upstairs and my son heard everything i was away for the weekend with our three other kids visiting my parents and my poor husband had to calm my son down while also trying to make sense of what julia was telling him i never knew that the night i left would be the last time the love of my life would ever kiss me i came home the next day and my husband sat me down and asked me

[03:35:12] point blank if i ever cheated on him i could tell from the look in his eyes that he knew everything i admitted that i had he was so calm that it scared me i was afraid for his well-being he's usually so proud and charismatic and that day he just looked serene detached from our relationship detached from me he told me that he wants a dna test on all of our children which i of course agreed to because they

[03:35:37] are his he's the only man i've ever slept with we waited for the test results for one week and my son wanted nothing to do with me during this time when the results came back i thought that we could finally start on rebuilding our foundation of trust i had all the energy in the world to put in our marriage and to show my man that i was worth his time and his love the day the results came back he told me he wanted a divorce we have been separated since march of this year he has pursued a condo in the

[03:36:05] downtown area of our city my oldest two kids spend 100 of their time there while my youngest twins split their time with me and him he refuses to go to marital counseling our jurisdiction has a six-month wait before a divorce can be finalized and that expired in october so as if october 23rd i'm a 42 year old divorcee with four kids two of whom hate me the others see me as the reason their lives were

[03:36:30] turned i cut julia out of my life i know this wasn't her fault i know i was the one who chose to lie and i deserve the consequences but still i associate my life's total ruin to her i blame her even though it doesn't make sense and just last weekend one of my younger kids mentioned that julia has been sleeping over at my husband's condo i'm incensed with jealousy and hatred for her and anguish at this whole situation i need to win him back this isn't how our lives are supposed to

[03:36:58] end we have worked so damn hard to build our home and he can't share it all with her while i rot out here in the cold even the thought of calling him my ex makes me want to shrivel up and disappear yes and from the post it looks like op knows that they totally royally messed up here and you gotta stand in husband's shoes in this one and say how does he feel in this situation you know 20 years ago he finds out that there was lies from that long ago surely it would just make you question everything

[03:37:27] and it has wanting the dna tests it just makes you think you can't trust this person for all these years that this life from 20 years has come up now and me personally i can't give any advice that would help in this situation because i don't think i could trust someone who done that to me either it would leave me questioning absolutely everything he just has to take your word that it was kissing and

[03:37:51] and it wasn't just kissing it's a betrayal of trust that's the big thing here but what is julia up to that she's staying around his condo now that does raise some questions did she intentionally bring out this news to split you up maybe she liked your husband just some things that were going through my head as i was reading maybe totally false though but we do have an update to this one which we're covering in a moment but first we're going to cover some comments and i went into op's comment history to see if they replied to anyone see if we could get any additional information not that we

[03:38:21] particularly need it in this one but dan roman 79 says gotta say after reading both of these posts there is nothing about this relationship that seems healthy in any way i think i'd worry more about rebuilding your relationship with your kids more than anything op says yep my kids are always my priority i know these posts here in the relationship subreddit probably don't capture that but that's because i'm not asking for advice about my children so i don't focus on that aspect the

[03:38:46] reality is right now my older two boys don't want to talk to me i've had my younger girls talk to their older brothers about this and what they tell me is that they don't want a relationship with me right now i don't want to force the subject because i fear they will only withdraw further i still keep close tabs on their studies and in the last few months i've been able to help with their scheduling still no direct conversations though next in line is mine replies that's then why do you think your oldest sons are out of contact with you op replies then i don't want to go into too much

[03:39:14] detail because it hurts to talk about it and that's really not the point of this thread to summarize my oldest son witnessed his father cry for the first and only i pray time in his life this happened the night that julia said what she did in her drunken stupor julia was too far gone to actually answer any follow-up questions or to temper her words and now she can't even remember what she said so i'm assuming she phrased it in the most vulgar way possible she's a mean drunk and sometimes

[03:39:40] she will say things in distasteful ways for no reason my oldest son idolizes my husband and so does my second son my husband is their hero in a very real way he used to coach basketball in their school all the kids in elementary and middle school adored him and i know our sons were always very proud of that and in general my husband's got an aura to him that makes people want to stay close so to see him cry must have shattered my poor son's heart he then told his younger brother and the two of them

[03:40:08] have cut me out of their lives ever since okay replacement says your biggest mistake not counting cheating was hiding it for 20 years it's their entire relationship for him it is if everything were false and a lie not only that but you could also be calm with all that as he sees it their relationship was built on the basis of a lie and he never knew it there are many cases where it can be recovered but in this i do not think it would be possible at least in a few years the amount of time

[03:40:35] is too much and it's literally their entire relationship what have you been doing all this time that you've been separated have you been with someone else he refuses to talk to you i hope you update op replied saying i haven't been with anyone else there have been plenty of opportunities but i'm just not interested this is almost entirely because the thought of a relationship with anyone but him repulses me i can't explain it as anything beyond just a carnal revolt in my stomach i don't want

[03:41:02] to hold some other guy's hand i don't want some other guy's arm around me i don't want any of it i've been focusing on my two younger kids we all moved back to my mother's house she's old and need someone to help her and it hurt me too much to stay at our old house because it feels so empty without him i recognize that i am probably lingering at the outskirts of depression as i've lost about 30 pounds since we separated a few times a week i will message him or message my two older sons and dutifully they ignore me so now we're going to head on to the update to see what that says

[03:41:31] well i did something i never thought i'd do i unblocked julia and reached out to her we set up a time to meet for coffee at my mom's house when the place would be empty we spoke for hours though i can't say that it was like old times i found myself stuck with a tenseness in my stomach i realized i still hate her for what she did i'll never be able to let loose with her like i once did and that's a reality i have to accept anyway reiterate the facts as she told them what were her intentions in

[03:42:00] telling my husband about my cheating it was purely a drunken mistake with no real rhyme or reason behind it she doesn't even remember it's happening she just remembers my oldest son being very short with her the next morning and my husband later explaining what she had said how did she behave with my husband after the revelation my husband cut her off a day or so after i did he did this because a few days after the incident via text she tried to convince him that she was drunk and confused but this happened

[03:42:28] after he had confronted me so he knew that it was the truth she had spilled he wanted space from her because he associated her to all of my lies how did she get back in touch with him after he blocked her he didn't block her he just told her to not contact him again she promised to keep her distance from him and the kids three months later she reached out to him again because she has been getting help without alcohol abuse and she wanted to apologize for all the harm she did after that conversation they kept in touch

[03:42:57] why is she spending nights at his place she'd been finding it hard to stay at home alone during winter because of our old drinking habits and wanted some company she sleeps in the guest bedroom and obviously they don't drink together or anything she apologized for the confusion it caused my twin daughters i allowed myself to feel hopeful here they are not together this wasn't some grand conspiracy for her to steal him away i still have a chance but i had to make sure did she ever sleep with him yes

[03:43:27] after the divorce finalized they hooked up a few times to let off steam she insisted that i shouldn't worry because they never tried to pursue a relationship there's way too much resentment and baggage for it to work and she doesn't think she's his type there it is i cried when she admitted this she cried and apologized i must have told her that i hated her a thousand times i really do hate her i hate her more than i thought it was possible she knows how much i love him she knows how much i need him

[03:43:55] and yet she still manages to knock things over and out of place no matter how it hurts me i told her to get out after that i haven't blocked her again she wants to be back in my life but there's no chance in hell i ever want to lay my eyes on her if she's sleeping with a man i love i know some women can swallow their pride and do it but i can't so that's where i'm at at least they're not in love or running off to get married i tell myself that he's

[03:44:21] just using her to try and fill a hole in his heart i tell myself that letting off steam is not how anyone would describe meaningful sex it's a physical reaction to stress and circumstance but then i remember what she said about her not being his type i wish i asked her if she's dating now or if he has eyes on someone i wish i wrote down notes on what i wanted to learn and express instead of just going in unprepared my emotions got the best of me and now here i am weeping again until my body hurts from exhaustion

[03:44:49] this hasn't helped my obsession with the prospect of him moving on all this meeting has done is humble me at the thought of him and her making love i can't let this go on i need to get him back before he falls in love with someone else given the new information i've learned does anyone have any advice on what to do there's just a couple of posts on the update that i'd like to read out one from unknown nine to eight one two one who quotes i can't let this go on i need to get him back before he falls in

[03:45:16] love with someone else then goes on to say use these feelings as motivation to better yourself get therapy get a hobby write a book do something but let this man go catharsis says this my biggest concern here is that op began dating her ex-husband at 15 married around 21 had kids etc and now she's in her 40s divorced and still trying to win him back she's never been a person without him so she's heavily dependent on him and that she has no idea how to be whole without him or exist without him

[03:45:45] op you need therapy not family counseling or marital counseling you need to learn to be your own person i understand that you're in a world of hurt especially with your children cutting you off but right now you need to accept that this is your life now and you need to get a hold of yourself if for no other reason than the fact that suffering for this long will not help anyone not you not your kids and it won't bring your ex back you need to get up and start working on yourself even if you feel

[03:46:12] you deserve to suffer and feel guilty this was 20 years ago you cannot change what happened 20 years ago you didn't murder a family you didn't abuse your children you made a series of bad decisions that cost you your marriage whether or not i or anyone else think that his reaction is justified is not relevant your marriage is over but your life isn't over you cannot live your entire life revolving around another human being you've suffered enough life is complicated people are complicated

[03:46:40] people make bad decisions and tough choices and have a right to feel the way they feel but the world is still spinning the sun is still shining you need to get up and get therapy and start picking up the pieces for your own sake just because you don't get to have your ex back doesn't mean you don't get to live and function as a human being you don't need to feel miserable forever even if it feels inevitable and you don't deserve to feel miserable forever not for something like this even if you don't deserve

[03:47:05] to have your husband which is entirely his decision no one else's you do deserve to be able to exist and function as an independent person and god forbid feel moderately okay to even happy even if you don't think you deserve it and one more from luna mooner who replies that one saying i have to say though that this julia is truly an evil person goaded her into fooling around all those years ago presented her few weeks as a year which she herself did blew up the marriage after almost two decades and then goes

[03:47:34] and sleeps with her separate husband it's almost cartoonishly evil i feel like she felt jealous she didn't have the relationship op had and well now op doesn't doesn't take away from op's misdeeds but what a terrible thing what ex-husband is doing isn't healthy either sleeping with evil ex-best friend now what do you guys make of this one let me know your thoughts in the comments below

[03:47:57] and we'll move on to one more story and it's from sal slithering who says my husband beat cancer and now he's given up on our marriage it's been six months since my 21 female husband 21 male has a stem cell transplant this was in conjunction with chemotherapy to help improve his quality of life if the chemo worked his treatment he had metastatic brain cancer in his bones and his chances weren't good he still has to

[03:48:24] worry about the cancer coming back in the future but the treatment did work and now he's back to normal life except nothing has been normal he's been depressed ever since he got home from the transplant i've tried talking to him about it and showing my support i talked to his family basically just telling them he's feeling burned out and asked if they could reach out more i've tried to handle a lot of my own struggles on my own i have clinical depression and now i'm recovering from pushing

[03:48:50] that aside to be his caregiver for two years i'm in counseling and i still work full time this past week he told me he's been thinking about it for a few weeks and he doesn't think he can do this anymore this being our marriage he says i always take my anger out on him and the past year has been all about me i took a few deep breaths and told him that's hard to believe since in this past year all i've done is work and use all my vacation days on being there for his treatments this summer we used all our

[03:49:19] extra money on him getting his dream motorcycle and all the accessories to go with it we had planned on getting me one too but it ended up being too expensive so we agreed on him doing the motorcycle course and getting a bike himself i've been focused on my therapy and healing i've been going to work every day i also got basically ghosted by my best friends after she got married this summer i've had repressed memories and childhood traumas come up in the last month that i've been working through

[03:49:45] basically on my own my husband knows but we've had a total of two conversations about it and when i try bringing it up he makes the conversation about something unrelated i said i wanted us to go to marriage counseling since he's been refusing to see his own therapist or counselor for the last three years he finally got himself a counselor instead and i feel like it's too late for that after he told me this week he thought our relationship was over i snapped i told him if he was giving up then i wasn't

[03:50:12] going to shut up about the pain i'm dealing with anymore i am always forced to be quiet and listen to him talk about what he's been going through and i've done it happily our entire marriage and to hear him say these things felt like the ultimate betrayal now he wants to take it back he says he never should have said that and he wants me to give him time to work with his counselor and heal but i still think the problem isn't addressed he thinks the last year ahead has been about me when our entire marriage

[03:50:37] has been about him and he never acknowledged that he refuses to talk about his treatment and things we were together for but he makes jokes about his own funeral even though it makes me cry does anyone have advice or questions are welcome i think he's given up and now that he's verbalized it part of me just wants to be done and there isn't too many comments on this one and the comments that are there just saying you know be done with it you don't have to put up with this cancer doesn't make you do

[03:51:05] these things or be horrible to someone else etc and i found it very interesting that it got to the point of you you know totally having enough of it after he said you know he wants to split up with you and he's had enough of this being your marriage doesn't want to listen to you with you know some issues that you may be facing and then when you finally exploded and said you know this feels like the ultimate betrayal then then he wants to take it back and wants you to give him time to work with his counselor

[03:51:33] and heal but you also went on to say he still thinks the last year ahead has been all about op which whether we're talking about you know husband's depression or whatever's going on at the moment it's still an incredibly horrible situation for op to be dealing with after everything that they went through you know taking days off work to help them through their treatment to help with everything and i know op is doing it out of love we all do these things out of love but it is no small task

[03:51:58] to help people through cancer and i know that might sound like a horrible thing to say but it is a big it is a big uptaking i mean i often bring up my dad in these situations and dealing with you know him and going through his chemo and the many appointments he has i mean i can't count how many times i was in hospital with my father for appointment checkups chemo lung drains just so

[03:52:23] much stuff going on it was an absolute whirlwind of a time to then feel like that was potentially thrown in your face after all of this must hurt and i as i said i we do this out of love we don't do this for recognition from the other person but then to be treated negatively after the fact must incredibly hurt so i'm going to be very interested to know how the update goes so let's dive straight

[03:52:47] into it update here's the skinny my 21 female husband 21 male had two years of intense treatment for cancer he went into remission after a stem cell transplant this past spring ever since he's been negligent of my feelings in our relationship he rarely wants to do anything i want to do and there's always a reason why we can't at the time but he'll never consider it again after he said no and this is about stupid things like going to the zoo or out late on a weeknight he won't spend any extra money

[03:53:16] on me even to get a lamp to go over my vanity or new clothes when i've hardly shopped since we got married i make my own money but he does all the budgets when he was in treatment we developed a system where i'd send him what he needed to pay the bills he'd send my money back to me if there was extra when we moved in the spring our rent went up and he said we had to cut our spending money he told me to just keep 100 every month and send him the rest i don't i always say there's a few

[03:53:42] extra things i need to keep money for and hang on to a bit but i still end up with a very little in my account and i always told him that i wasn't okay with doing that for more than a month or two while we figured out our finances i'm not comfortable just sending all my money to him to handle but ever since it's been reason after reason why we haven't been able to merge our accounts he said a few times that he understands why i want a joint account but he doesn't see the difference since he's my husband and i can trust him with it he knows my parents are really bad with money and

[03:54:11] they never taught me to manage money sometimes he hints at that when i talk about wanting to share in our finances but i had more savings than my husband ever did i owned my own car before he even had one and then his dad paid for half of it i paid for our wedding it was small but it was still nice and cost about 8k while we were engaged he bought a pickup that died before our wedding he spent his savings paying the rest of the loan on it about 10k i paid first and last on our apartment

[03:54:37] and covered rent while he couldn't find a job this is after i got him a job at a pizzeria i've been at for six months he got us both fired he always says they were shady anyways which is true but not the point after my original post i told him i want to set up a mutual fund so we can at least have our cash and bills coming from the same place he just asked me to move the appointment with the bank then a few minutes later came out with a plan he and his brother made for us to get a joint

[03:55:05] checking account i said that's not a mutual fund and i want to do what we already planned at this point the red flags are off the map i've talked we've talked he explained and explains but things never get better for me i can't focus on myself at all because i'm basically babysitting a grown man i have so much healing to do and i want to do it together but he's not letting it happen i think i should be over but part of me wants to keep fighting for this after everything i just want

[03:55:33] us to work so bad could this possibly be salvageable if not how do i pick myself up enough to face that fact edits i got stoned 22 hours into replying to my comments so that's why i'm chatty thanks so very much to everyone who's helping me think this through tonight i cancelled our 2022 trip to mexico i think it's time i leave this relationship and again thank you so so much to everyone who helped me realize that i plan to update in a few days i'll probably still need advice and i'll let you know

[03:56:01] how it's going now at the point in that update where you said red flags i was feeling the red flags too this does seem like some sort of financial abuse to me and the fact that you can't get this joint account that you keep asking for multiple times and why is his brother involved and when he said to you you know when you mentioned it you know you should be able to basically trust me should be able to trust me to look after the account you're bad with money kind of thing and the way husband is going about this i think you're potentially doing the right thing he doesn't

[03:56:30] sound like he's changing very much and even doubling down in some aspects of your relationship but i really hope it does work out for you and maybe go 2022 trip to mexico by yourself i hope everything works out for you op and what do you guys make of this one what advice would you give to op about their relationship what would you do if you was in their shoes let me know your thoughts in the comments below