I'm Going For A Divorce After My Wife Got A Massage Against My Wishes r/Relationships

[00:00:00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. If you do love a Reddit Story why not consider hitting that like subscribe, maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first

[00:00:16] story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from AdventurousClock6275 from the Am I The Asshole Here subreddit and says Am I the Asshole For Divorcing My Wife Over Getting A Massage?

[00:00:30] My soon to be ex-wife and I are both in our late 30s. We've been together for 12 years, married for 10. We're in a dead bedroom. It was totally dead for 6 months before I filed for divorce. It was on life support slash ICU for 5-6 years before that. We both

[00:00:47] wanted to be younger parents. We both wanted two kids. We conceived our daughter almost immediately after getting married. When she was 6 months old we started trying to have the second child. It never happened. After 3 years we started seeing fertility specialists

[00:01:02] and found out we both have pretty serious reproductive issues. The doctor told us our daughter was nothing short of a miracle and said it was against all odds that we not only conceived but carried the term. It was after this that the sex life began to seriously

[00:01:16] decline. Initially I thought it was just the pain of finding out and knowing we wouldn't be able to afford the fertility options and figured it would get better over time. It never did. It only got worse. 5 years ago I would say we had sex 15-20 times that year.

[00:01:33] In 2023 we had sex 3 times. I've tried everything to improve this. Spicing things up, talking, suggested counseling. I more than pull my weight around the house. We both work and work basically the same hours. I'm telling this because the usual stuff I read on Reddit

[00:01:50] about how the wife does it all is not even close to true. Over time I've grown more and more resentful. The things that make me the most resentful is she knows I have a

[00:02:01] high libido and just doesn't care. I on the other hand know she loves to be rubbed on and massaged and never took that from her. I probably rub on her 325 times a year. Almost

[00:02:12] every night I'll rub her calves, shins, ankles and feet. 4-5 nights a month I will go big and do neck, shoulder, back, butt, hamstring, quad, shins, calves, ankles and feet. I noticed

[00:02:23] that doing the big massages was the best way to get sex as she was more likely to allow me to do foreplay things. I know work on her if I had already done this prep. I did them

[00:02:33] more often a few years ago but not now as much. The success rate was never that great. Maybe 20% of the time. But in the last 2 years we are definitely in the single digits.

[00:02:45] When we hit 4 months of absolutely no sex I decided I wasn't rubbing on her ever again. It only took 3 days for her to notice and she asked me to. I told her no and I got angry.

[00:02:56] I said why should I? Why don't you give a fuck about what I want? Obviously not my finest moment and a huge argument followed. Things got ice cold at home but I wasn't

[00:03:07] giving in. I was tired of all of it. A few weeks ago she told me fine, I'll just start seeing a professional masseuse. I said then I will start seeing sex workers. She said

[00:03:18] that was cheating. I said fine I won't but you will not get a massage from anyone else. That is also cheating. She said I was being ridiculous and I said no, it's being touched

[00:03:28] in an intimate way by another. If I can't have that neither can you. I swear to fucking god if you do I will file for divorce that day. The following weekend she went to get

[00:03:38] her nails done. I know how long it takes for her to get her nails done. She came back almost an hour and a half late than expected. She didn't say anything just acted normal. I got

[00:03:48] on her credit card app on my phone and sure enough there was a $95 charge to the god damn massage person in the same strip mall as the nail place. I lost it and when I did so did

[00:03:59] she. I think we both let out years of frustration on each other. True to my word though I called a divorce lawyer on Monday. The only part that upset me was my lawyer said based on

[00:04:10] these circumstances I couldn't list infidelity as the reason for divorce and had to go with irreconcilable differences. Anyway, she had been telling people we are divorcing because she got a massage. Since then I have had a number of family members and friends call

[00:04:24] me and say I am an asshole. Some of them even when I tell them my real reasons still think I am an asshole and that my reasons aren't good enough. Personally I think getting a massage

[00:04:34] when told not to is plenty of reasoning. So am I the asshole here? Personal note I re-read this and I know it comes off angry but I am angry, angry at myself for wasting so many years but I'm also angry because this was just the ultimate fuck you.

[00:04:51] She just went and did it anyway and didn't even try to hide it. Literally went to the same place next to the nail salon and used her credit card which I pay like I wasn't going to see the charge.

[00:05:02] As I was reading through this it was something OP said themselves where it said I think how we let out years of frustration on each other so this was just something that made it all

[00:05:11] explode and that is exactly how I felt as I was going through it. You said that you talk and suggested therapy and all this kind of thing but it didn't feel like there was much communication there. But at the same time, and this might be an unpopular take

[00:05:26] I'm not sure yet but this ultimately felt like the straw that broke the camel's back. The whole sex slash massage thing was also rubbing me the wrong way at the same time as well. It all felt very transactional, no communication again between them about it.

[00:05:47] Everything feels doomed. That's all I can say at this point. A user shares how their marriage ended. They said my marriage ended on the following argument. It's Christmas, I spent 3 days cleaning the house because painting of the house occurred

[00:05:59] and dust got everywhere. Had to put everything in the kitchen shelves and wash everything. In the clean up, Max's mom's Dixie disposable coffee cups were moved. Enter Christmas Eve and her parents and 2 of her friends are over in the living room. I'm being completely ignored

[00:06:13] as usual by them. I take our 5 year old daughter and go play with her in the family room. My mother in law goes into the kitchen and looks for the disposable cups to make coffee and

[00:06:23] starts screaming that I threw them out. To this day, I still don't know why shouldn't I use a mug. In any event, I yelled out that I moved them and would grab one for her. My

[00:06:33] ex didn't bother to state a thing about all the cleaning I had done or defend me. Her mom just kept yelling. Under my breath, I muttered go fuck yourself. 10 seconds later, my daughter yelled grandma, dad says go fuck yourself. Marriage ended the next day. Holy

[00:06:54] moly, I'm sorry to laugh at that but your daughter man. Cheap challenge says the massage was just the final blow to this already dead marriage. Just divorce and let it die already. Etsy says I think you are the asshole for giving her a really stupid ultimatum in the

[00:07:12] first place instead of just calling it quits when you realized it wasn't working. You're not the asshole for the eventual divorce but you should have done it because y'all weren't working out, not because she got a massage when you tried to make her not get

[00:07:23] one. I'm curious what her real reasons are for not wanting to do anything sexual with you. Opie says it was a stupid ultimatum. I didn't really get a profound reason, usually just

[00:07:34] surface level stuff like I don't feel like it or I don't need it like you do. I went to our only two marriage counseling sessions by myself a few years ago so that should paint a picture to some degree.

[00:07:45] Imposter syndrome says I think it's easy to harp on the massage part because it just sounds dumb but the main problem is that your needs aren't being met but hers were. The second you stopped meeting those needs she went out and got it from someone else. This

[00:07:59] isn't something that happened overnight, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. You both deserve to be in a relationship where you feel loved and fulfilled. Just cut ties and live better lives apart for the sake of your child, not the arsehole.

[00:08:12] So Opie comes in with her update and says while this is not official by any means at this point I'll take it as a positive. Soon to be ex asked me to meet yesterday to hash out some details of the divorce and

[00:08:23] it was actually pretty productive. We agreed on a 50-50 custody arrangement, basically week there week here. We're coming two weeks during the summer break. We each keep our own retirement, splitting the savings 60-40 her favor. Each keep our primary vehicle.

[00:08:39] I made a huge concession on the house, it was my idea. I want our child to grow up in that house. Ours was a 3 bedroom with a finished basement and nice yard. I don't want her

[00:08:50] to live in a pair of 2 bedroom apartments. This is important to me. I'll be paying a housing alimony each month to offset some costs since my rent and rejected utilities etc are much lower than the mortgage, utilities and upkeep. We did agree on some stipulations

[00:09:07] that would end that. If another adult moves in, i.e. boyfriend, new husband, my obligation ends immediately. My obligation ends when our daughter moves out or turns 22, whichever comes first. There's a bunch of different scenarios we talked about in terms of splitting

[00:09:22] the house if she wishes to sell it. I won't bore with all of that but basically as long as I continue to make the alimony payment, I'll get 40% at the time of sale or buyout.

[00:09:33] I'm turning all this over to my lawyer this week and he will write it up and send it to her lawyer. While she definitely had a you are beneath me vibe during our meeting, I'm

[00:09:42] happy this doesn't look like it will be an ugly divorce as I was very worried it would be. I assume our daughter is the motivating factor for her sudden amicable attitude.

[00:09:52] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story.

[00:10:24] And this story is titled I'm the arsehole for kicking out my sister out of my house for not complying to my house rules. I, 26 female, live in a two bedroom apartment and I was living alone for the most part until last month when my younger sister, 23 female,

[00:10:53] started living with me after my parents kicked her out due to her not contributing to the house. She had nowhere else to go and she pretty much begged me to let her stay with

[00:11:02] me. I said that if she wants to live with me, she needs to follow my house rules. She is in her last year of uni so I said that she didn't need to contribute financially but had to contribute to household chores, something that she didn't do when living

[00:11:14] with my parents. I'm a clean person and I like my house to be neat and tidy. At first she complied, she kept the kitchen clean, did her assigned chores and would always clean up after herself. Then recently about two weeks ago, she started slacking. She wouldn't

[00:11:31] do dishes on her day, trashed the guest bathroom, messed up the living room by leaving her clothes everywhere and would not put things away. For example, she made me a sandwich and she didn't put away the bread, the vegetables or the condiments. It was infuriating. I work

[00:11:46] five days a week and I'm exhausted so I spoke to my sister and told her she needs to help me out by keeping my home clean. She just went okay, okay. My sister did start

[00:11:56] cleaning but it was only after I started nagging and being annoying. I then sat her down and warned that I will be kicking her out if she starts slacking and turning my apartment

[00:12:06] into a pigsty. I said this is my house and she needs to follow my rules if she wants to continue living with me. Fast forward to two days ago, I invited my friends over and

[00:12:17] I told my sister to clean the guest bathroom and the kitchen and just tidy up the living room because my friends were coming over and I was at work. So I wanted the house to be

[00:12:25] clean. When I got home I would just prepare snacks. Well, my sister didn't do any of that. When I came home the house looked extremely messy and it was not like that before I left.

[00:12:36] Dishes in the sink, food on the countertop, blankets in the living room and even the guest bathroom was messy. I lost it. I screamed at my sister and told her to pack her shit

[00:12:46] and get the fuck out of my home. She cried and begged me to give her another chance and I said no. She had one fucking task and she didn't do one thing. We argued some more until she tearfully agreed to leave. She packed her bags and left.

[00:13:00] I quickly cleaned my house and had my friends over like normal. My parents were on my side but my relatives had given me grief for kicking my sister out and they called me evil and a

[00:13:09] troll freak asshole. My sister is staying with my aunt as my parents refuse to let her stay with them. Am I the asshole? Absolutely not the asshole. I mean she was kind enough

[00:13:21] to take your sister in when she was struggling herself and begged you to stay. You let her stay with you for some rules. She broke those rules multiple times. So really what was she

[00:13:32] expecting? What would be the outcome otherwise? That your house just continues to be a complete absolute shit hole because you can't keep up her side of things. Absolutely not the asshole in this situation. At one moment there I thought your parents were going to turn

[00:13:45] around and say but what about family? But it's the rest of the family doing that and you know aunt can take her in and aunt can get a piece of what you went through. Sure

[00:13:54] your sister will keep it up for a little bit of time but then she will slip back into old ways and then your aunt will be complaining as well. In the same post Opie adds an edit and says another issue is my sister would hog the washer

[00:14:06] and dryer. I do laundry once a week or sometimes twice a week. She would be so lazy to do her laundry that she would wait until her laundry basket is extremely full and she would take

[00:14:15] forever to finish. This would cause me to sometimes miss my day to do laundry as she would take an entire fucking week to do her laundry and I did speak to her about this

[00:14:24] and told her to stop. Of course she didn't listen so I locked the laundry closet by purchasing a lock with some sort of rope to prevent her from opening it and it worked. She had no

[00:14:34] choice but to go elsewhere to do laundry. I've also been super pushy with her regarding the kitchen mainly because my kitchen is open space and it's the first thing I see when

[00:14:43] I come home so seeing the kitchen messy is quite an eyesore for me and makes me anxious. Edit 2 as for the dishes I told my sister I didn't care how she did them either hand

[00:14:53] washing or using a dishwasher I don't care I want them clean and out of sight so I did give her some options on how she did the dishes. Edit 1 in the same post says my mum called me about 20 minutes ago telling me that she

[00:15:07] wants us all to meet sometime this week to have a talk with my sister about her not following house rules and perhaps see why she acts so defiant when it comes to following them. My

[00:15:16] aunt also called me explaining that she can't have my sister stay with her for long because there's just no room. Of course auntie was going to do that my aunt has 3 kids and there

[00:15:27] isn't room for my sister so she will also be coming over this week so we can all have a chat and figure out a solution together as a family. I have no intentions on letting my sister stay with me again and neither does my parents.

[00:15:38] That's maybe a bit harsh on me from the auntie there I don't know if the auntie was insisting that she stay with Opie or not it just said my relatives so I take that back.

[00:15:48] So the top comments on this one the first one says absolutely not the arsehole and I'd give it a couple of weeks till sis gets kicked out by your aunt. She can then tour around all

[00:15:56] the other relatives giving you grief until she pisses them off with her manky habits. Another commenter says please update when your aunt calls you or your parents completely Pikachu faced about how her niece has trashed her home and what she would say to make niece

[00:16:10] clean her own messes. Not the arsehole. Opie just replied I will do. So Opie comes in with an update on this post and says hello everyone I thought I might make an update regarding the post I made about kicking my sister out of my house.

[00:16:26] First I'd like to thank everyone who commented and assured me that I was not doing anything wrong by kicking my sister out. Here's the update. The first thing I did despite everyone's warnings I went over to my parents house to talk with

[00:16:38] my aunt and my sister to come up with a solution as my aunt did say my sister couldn't stay long term as there isn't any room. We talked and surprisingly my sister followed my aunts

[00:16:47] house rules. She cleaned up after herself and she even bought groceries when my aunt said she didn't need to do that. My sister apologized to me for giving me a hard time and not keeping my apartment clean when I'm gone at work. She admitted she was just too

[00:17:02] lazy and didn't think I'd be angry to the point where I kick her out. I accepted her apology and that's when my aunt asked my parents if they'd be comfortable letting her move

[00:17:11] back in with them as my sister is no longer welcome to stay with me. My parents said they did some thinking and they're willing to let her stay under one condition. She needs to contribute and not just with household chores. She needs to start paying rent after

[00:17:26] she gets a job. She needs to start looking for places of her own. My sister has a part time job at university so she agreed to my parents conditions. That was a couple weeks

[00:17:36] ago. Now I was over at my parents house an hour ago for lunch and my sister had improved. She doesn't leave her clothes in the living room and cleans up after herself. I asked my

[00:17:46] parents about that and they said another part of the condition is if she made a mess or didn't clean up after herself she'll have to pay a fine which is $5. Since my sister wasn't willing to spend so much money knowing she'd be charged with fines if she didn't

[00:17:59] keep the house clean, that was when she started being a bit more responsible. I guess the only way to get her to clean is if you charge her with a fine lol. That's the update. I'm just relieved there was no drama or problems. Now one thing I do

[00:18:13] need to mention is that my sister wasn't really happy at first about having to pay rent or financially contribute but she agreed nonetheless and that's what matters. I was thinking back on this and all the relatives getting on are OP about her kicking them out

[00:18:29] but did anyone have a go at the parents for kicking her out initially or are they just targeting OP? But all in all I felt that was a relatively good update. My sister didn't

[00:18:40] sound as bad as some of the people we've read about in this story. She took advantage, she took the piss, absolutely bad behaviour all around, deserved to be kicked out but then got the swift kick in the cheek she needed and hopefully will continue down that path

[00:18:54] to improve and be a better person in general. Who knows there might be another update further down the line where it's all gone tits up again. I'm just trying to imagine a situation

[00:19:05] like where I was homeless for any reason and one of my brothers took me in. There's no way I would take advantage of that situation like leaving clothes out, leaving a mess. I'd be helping keep that house sparkling you know just for the help that they're giving

[00:19:20] you. It also did have me thinking about the parenting of her as well but you know OP seems to be decent, clean person so who knows. I really don't know what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:20:02] I'm going off on what is usual but thank you so much for being here today and I will see you in the next one. Take care and much love.