I'm Giving My ULTIMATIUM It's Either Me Or His Friend r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you were well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting the like, that subscribe and maybe that cheeky notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:23] Now today's first story comes from HotMessMum04 from the AmITheArseoul subreddit and their own profile at the same time. And says, would I be the arsehole if I told my husband that he has to choose between me and his friend?

[00:00:40] I've 37 female, been with my husband, 44 male for 17 years. We have kids, a dog and we used to own a business together.

[00:00:48] He has this friend who happens to be his little brother's ex-girlfriend, 30 female. She's been in and out of our lives since she broke up with my brother-in-law over 12 years ago. Over the last 4 years or so, she's been constantly messaging my husband.

[00:01:05] She never sends me a message, unless my husband tells her that he's not home and she's on her way. Happened only once in 4 years. She's engaged and has a baby on the way.

[00:01:15] Both my husband and his friends say they have a brother-sister relationship.

[00:01:21] My kids don't like her or her kid. Her kid is 7 years younger than our youngest child. They feel like they have to babysit her when she comes over.

[00:01:31] This is what bothers me about their relationship. I am never included in their conversations online, even when she invites herself over.

[00:01:40] My husband once told his brother that he thought that she was hot and if he was younger and single, he would try to date her.

[00:01:47] My brother-in-law sent me a message to warn me about their relationship. When I spoke to my husband about it, he laughed it off and told me his brother was jealous.

[00:01:56] I've had to read this next part several times because I was like, what the fuck?

[00:02:00] It says,

[00:02:01] During an intimate moment, my husband told me that she was the only person he would ever ask to do a threesome with us.

[00:02:08] That was never discussed between us before, not even the option of a threesome.

[00:02:13] When she comes over, she barely speaks directly to me, always to my husband.

[00:02:18] I have to butt into the conversation for her to even acknowledge me.

[00:02:22] I'm tired of feeling like the third wheel in their relationship.

[00:02:26] Last year, he gave me one of his old cell phones because mine had broken.

[00:02:30] He hadn't logged out of his messenger account, so I used it to my advantage and read their messages at the time.

[00:02:36] He admitted to her that he had told his brother that she was hot and that if he was younger and single, he would date her.

[00:02:42] He then told her I wasn't home when he said that and I didn't know exactly what he said.

[00:02:47] Her response was to send him this emoji, which was a crying laughing one.

[00:02:52] Ever since, I feel like they both occasionally disrespect me in their conversations.

[00:02:57] All he does is talk about her, often.

[00:03:00] He never makes her wait when she texts him.

[00:03:02] Yet sometimes when I text him, he takes half an hour to answer me.

[00:03:06] So tell me, would I be the arsehole if I told him that he had to choose between his relationship with me and his friend?

[00:03:14] Edit.

[00:03:15] I've posted an update on my profile.

[00:03:17] Thanks to everyone for the responses.

[00:03:19] Seriously, without your encouragement.

[00:03:21] I wouldn't have had the courage to talk to him.

[00:03:24] Yep, this is all sorts of wrong in my opinion.

[00:03:28] You know, we have no proof of a physical affair at the moment, but certainly there's going to be an emotional one there.

[00:03:35] I still can't get that paragraph out of my head when he was having that intimate moment.

[00:03:40] And he says to you that his friend would be the only one that he would have a threesome with.

[00:03:46] It felt like he was testing you that you might go, oh, yeah, invite her over kind of thing.

[00:03:51] Maybe the two of them have discussed this in the past.

[00:03:53] But let's backtrack a little before that paragraph.

[00:03:56] I'm going to quote two things one after another because it is just so fucking weird.

[00:04:02] Both my husband and his friends say they have a brother-sister relationship.

[00:04:06] Followed by, my husband told me that she was the only person he would ever ask to do a threesome with us.

[00:04:12] Okay, hold up.

[00:04:14] Wait a minute.

[00:04:16] Something ain't right.

[00:04:17] But Hoot Black says,

[00:04:19] In your shoes, I'd hire a PI to see what they're doing when they're not around you.

[00:04:24] If you catch my drift.

[00:04:26] Not the arsehole for asking him to choose, but you know it isn't going to go well.

[00:04:30] Yeah, and I agree with that.

[00:04:32] You know, when you do confront him and ask him to choose, he's not going to like it.

[00:04:36] He's going to double down.

[00:04:37] Opie Reply said,

[00:04:38] She lives in another city.

[00:04:40] My husband's hometown.

[00:04:41] It's accessible by bus and metro.

[00:04:44] We never go to her place ever.

[00:04:46] She usually comes to our place with her fiancé.

[00:04:48] I'm pretty sure that whatever's going on with them is taking place on Messenger in a private conversation.

[00:04:54] Her fiancé doesn't use Facebook or Messenger.

[00:04:59] Yeah, and on the back of that comment, it'd be interesting to know what her fiancé thinks is going on as well.

[00:05:04] Lan says,

[00:05:05] Not the arsehole, but be prepared to follow through if he doesn't pick you.

[00:05:10] Opie says,

[00:05:11] That's what I'm telling myself.

[00:05:13] And Opie adds,

[00:05:14] On the French child's father's whereabouts and says,

[00:05:17] He gets custody of their child once a month.

[00:05:19] I've never met him.

[00:05:20] According to her, he's controlling.

[00:05:22] That's all I know about him.

[00:05:23] They broke up a year after their daughter was born.

[00:05:26] J.M. Legend says,

[00:05:28] Not the arsehole.

[00:05:29] Hand him the book,

[00:05:30] Not Just Friends,

[00:05:32] And tell him his emotional and maybe physical affair is over.

[00:05:35] If he refuses,

[00:05:37] He'll just take half of everything in a divorce,

[00:05:39] And he can choose her over his family and kids.

[00:05:42] Tell him there is no option where their friendship continues and the marriage continues.

[00:05:46] Remind him that his kids don't like her or her kid.

[00:05:52] Lacey Baskerville says,

[00:05:53] Not the arsehole.

[00:05:54] Your husband is having an emotional affair,

[00:05:56] If it hasn't gone any further.

[00:05:58] And he will say that you are crazy or that you see things where there aren't any,

[00:06:02] When there definitely are.

[00:06:03] Evaluate your options.

[00:06:05] If he decides that he values that friendship more than your relationship,

[00:06:09] What will you do?

[00:06:10] Are you willing to continue in a relationship where he doesn't want to do his part,

[00:06:13] Or will you leave him?

[00:06:15] In any case,

[00:06:17] I had a PI before proceeding.

[00:06:19] And one more comment from

[00:06:20] Your average plebeian,

[00:06:22] And that's the actual username,

[00:06:24] Not just insulting someone randomly.

[00:06:27] And says,

[00:06:28] He'll tell you he chooses you,

[00:06:30] But he won't mean it.

[00:06:32] He's not being considerate of you in your own home.

[00:06:35] You've tried to talk about it and he brushed it off.

[00:06:38] You've got to become selfish at this point.

[00:06:40] You need to choose yourself.

[00:06:42] If that means grey rocking or roommate behavior,

[00:06:45] Or trial separation or straight to divorce,

[00:06:47] It's up to you.

[00:06:48] But he isn't going to choose you over his friend or her over you either.

[00:06:52] He's going to choose his own comfort because his back isn't yet against the war.

[00:06:57] Hope you have something of a support network to help you through this mess.

[00:07:01] So Opie's first update says,

[00:07:03] So,

[00:07:03] I guess this has been coming for a while.

[00:07:05] I've got my ducks all lined up.

[00:07:07] I spoke to him.

[00:07:09] He admitted that he did have a crush on her.

[00:07:11] That's when I told him we were done.

[00:07:13] Obviously, he doesn't want to split amicably.

[00:07:18] Finally found a lawyer who can help me out with the paperwork at a lower cost.

[00:07:21] $600.

[00:07:22] I'm also currently looking for an apartment.

[00:07:25] I've applied at a few places, just waiting to hear back from them.

[00:07:28] I've thought about setting up a GoFundMe to help resolve the cost of everything.

[00:07:32] Lawyer, the move, furniture and everything else.

[00:07:34] But I'm afraid of him finding the campaign.

[00:07:37] I've already opened up a secret bank account and PayPal account.

[00:07:40] I'm hoping to have enough money saved up and collected by the beginning of next week.

[00:07:45] I want to be out of there as soon as possible with my kids.

[00:07:48] I'll be updating again.

[00:07:51] Opie adds information on how our husband reacted and if he's going to get a lawyer.

[00:07:55] Opie said he's pissed and gives me the silent treatment.

[00:07:59] I don't know if he plans on getting himself a lawyer.

[00:08:01] Puzzle Headed12494 says,

[00:08:04] If he acts violent at any time, call police and make a report of it.

[00:08:08] Get everything documented.

[00:08:09] Take pictures of your belongings so if he does property damage that it's recorded.

[00:08:13] You have the message from your soon-to-be ex-brother-in-law.

[00:08:17] The one warning you or evidence of his saying about being with her if he was younger and single.

[00:08:22] Keep everything that is evidence of an emotional affair.

[00:08:25] Hope you have another support system and that things work out.

[00:08:28] Good luck.

[00:08:29] Opie says,

[00:08:30] I've kept all the evidence of his emotional affair.

[00:08:32] I don't really have a support system around here.

[00:08:35] I've been pretty much keeping to myself since my youngest daughter was born.

[00:08:39] Opie's second update says,

[00:08:40] We've had several talks over the last few weeks.

[00:08:43] At first, he wanted to work things out.

[00:08:45] As a matter of fact, he says,

[00:08:47] He never meant any of it and he kept apologizing for breaking my trust.

[00:08:50] Now, he's being a plain dick.

[00:08:53] Then, he flipped and decided that,

[00:08:55] Since I don't want to work on things,

[00:08:57] He's left for his brother's house.

[00:08:59] He hasn't seen our kids in the past month.

[00:09:01] He talks to them on the phone, but that's about it.

[00:09:04] So far, to piss me off,

[00:09:06] He's cut mine and the kids' cell phone service.

[00:09:08] So I had to get us new SIM cards for that,

[00:09:10] Because otherwise, we wouldn't have phones.

[00:09:12] He's refused to pay anything in regards to school supplies and uniforms.

[00:09:16] He doesn't want to give me a dime.

[00:09:18] He hasn't done his taxes this year,

[00:09:20] Which means I won't be getting any family allowance,

[00:09:22] Which cuts me $1,800 a month on my budget.

[00:09:28] I was able to sign the kids up for a local school supply distribution.

[00:09:31] The only thing they don't help with is uniforms.

[00:09:34] Thankfully, only my older two need uniforms.

[00:09:36] My oldest has some old uniform shirts that will be passed down to my other child,

[00:09:40] Which means my daughter will be wearing her older brother's shirts.

[00:09:43] She's really annoyed by the situation,

[00:09:45] And has been giving me lots of attitude about it.

[00:09:47] But at the moment,

[00:09:49] I can't afford t-shirts at $35 a piece,

[00:09:51] With the school's logo on it.

[00:09:53] So she has no choice.

[00:09:55] Unfortunately, uniforms are mandatory.

[00:09:58] I spoke to his friend as well.

[00:10:00] I told her everything that was going on.

[00:10:03] He told her he left me because I cheated on him,

[00:10:06] Which isn't true.

[00:10:07] And she blames herself for what happened.

[00:10:09] Personally, I just think she was putting on a show.

[00:10:11] I haven't spoken to her since.

[00:10:13] If you ask me,

[00:10:14] I think she is a hypocrite.

[00:10:17] Finances are tough.

[00:10:18] I barely make ends meet.

[00:10:20] Thankfully, food bank exists,

[00:10:22] Because once rent is paid,

[00:10:23] I barely have anything left over for bills and groceries.

[00:10:26] I still haven't been able to get the money for a lawyer yet.

[00:10:29] I've tried taking loans,

[00:10:31] But that didn't go over well.

[00:10:32] I've tried the borrow sub,

[00:10:34] And that hasn't worked either.

[00:10:35] Now it's like we're in a state of cold war.

[00:10:38] He refuses to talk to me.

[00:10:40] For the time being,

[00:10:41] I guess he'll come around eventually.

[00:10:42] For kids' sake, I hope.

[00:10:44] I feel like sometimes I'm drowning in all this mess.

[00:10:48] Edit.

[00:10:49] Lots of comments have come up on this post,

[00:10:51] And I didn't expect as many comments.

[00:10:53] I've read as many as I can,

[00:10:54] And I'll address a few points.

[00:10:57] He's gone to stay with his older brother.

[00:10:59] The second one in the family.

[00:11:01] My soon-to-be ex is the oldest of three.

[00:11:04] It's the youngest of brothers who told me what's up.

[00:11:07] I filed my taxes back in March.

[00:11:10] He was supposed to file his a few weeks later.

[00:11:12] At the time, everything was good between us,

[00:11:14] And I listed him as my spouse,

[00:11:16] Because that's what we've been doing for the past 17 years when we got married.

[00:11:20] I have to file my next taxes as a single.

[00:11:23] The school uniforms.

[00:11:24] My oldest kids are in high school.

[00:11:26] A public high school.

[00:11:28] Uniforms are mandatory across the school board.

[00:11:30] I contacted the school,

[00:11:32] And unfortunately,

[00:11:32] They didn't have any low-cost uniforms.

[00:11:35] They suggested I take a look at local thrift shops.

[00:11:38] They do have an emergency budget for uniforms,

[00:11:41] But only if you have recently arrived in the country.

[00:11:43] I've contacted several lawyers.

[00:11:46] I know what my rights are.

[00:11:47] I know how much it's going to cost me to take him to court.

[00:11:50] He's quit his job,

[00:11:52] So suing him for alimony or whatever is going to be tough.

[00:11:55] I don't qualify for legal aid based on previous taxes.

[00:11:58] It takes at least 90 days of him being out of the family home

[00:12:01] For me to do anything against him.

[00:12:03] He's been gone for less than two weeks.

[00:12:06] As for family,

[00:12:07] I've been no contact with my parents since 2010.

[00:12:10] They do not know my younger children,

[00:12:12] Nor do they care.

[00:12:13] I won't be getting into the reasons why here.

[00:12:16] This family has always been low contact with us.

[00:12:18] His parents have never liked me,

[00:12:20] And his brother who he is staying with,

[00:12:22] Doesn't like me either.

[00:12:24] Edits

[00:12:24] For those who are saying that the timeline doesn't add up.

[00:12:27] I left with my four kids at the beginning of July

[00:12:29] To visit my elderly grandmother

[00:12:31] Who doesn't live in the same province as us.

[00:12:34] Who was supposed to give us breathing time

[00:12:36] To try and work things out.

[00:12:37] When I came back with the kids,

[00:12:39] He was already gone.

[00:12:40] When I was at my grandmother's,

[00:12:41] He would barely talk to me,

[00:12:43] But talk to our kids via messenger.

[00:12:45] My trip with the kids to my grandmother's

[00:12:47] Is a yearly trip.

[00:12:48] I didn't know that he would go from

[00:12:50] Wanting to stay and work things out,

[00:12:52] To leaving.

[00:12:53] Was blindsided by that.

[00:12:56] But now,

[00:12:57] I'm gonna turn this one to you guys.

[00:12:59] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:13:02] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:13:05] And let's move on to another story.

[00:13:09] This story comes with an update as well.

[00:13:12] It's from BackgroundFudge,

[00:13:13] From the Bridezilla's subreddit.

[00:13:16] Am I being a bridezilla,

[00:13:18] Or is my maid of honor a jerk?

[00:13:21] Hi friends.

[00:13:22] I'm having a lot of stress and difficulties

[00:13:24] With my maid of honor.

[00:13:26] And I'm seriously regretting my choice,

[00:13:28] But also questioning if I'm the problem.

[00:13:31] I was up front in what the typical maid of honor

[00:13:34] Expectations are,

[00:13:35] And I'm not expecting anything crazy

[00:13:37] Or beyond the norm.

[00:13:38] My maid of honor has shown zero excitement for my wedding.

[00:13:41] I understand she has a life.

[00:13:44] Someone else's wedding is not a priority.

[00:13:46] But didn't lift a finger to plan my bachelorette.

[00:13:49] I planned everything.

[00:13:51] Did the coordination,

[00:13:52] Was going to drive and pay for stuff.

[00:13:54] But the other girls attending stepped in

[00:13:56] And really went above and beyond.

[00:13:58] I never asked them to or complained.

[00:14:00] But they went out of their way to make it special.

[00:14:03] And it was truly a great day.

[00:14:04] And I'm very grateful for their support and kindness.

[00:14:06] It was a day trip to a local amusement park.

[00:14:09] So it wasn't some long expensive weekend extravaganza.

[00:14:13] The other girls approached me asking how things were going with her.

[00:14:16] Because she was a ghost during the planning of it.

[00:14:19] And she even had her boyfriend Venmo them $20 as the pitch in.

[00:14:23] Because she wouldn't do it herself.

[00:14:25] And every time I see her,

[00:14:26] She mentions she has no money and no job.

[00:14:29] Time went by and she planned,

[00:14:31] Researched and coordinated a night out to a bar.

[00:14:34] Which was fun.

[00:14:34] At the end of it,

[00:14:36] She paid over $180 for the reservation.

[00:14:38] With no mention or complaints.

[00:14:41] Don't get me wrong.

[00:14:42] You can spend money on whatever you want.

[00:14:44] It's your choice.

[00:14:45] But I was a little miffed that she dropped money like that

[00:14:47] When she has me drive her everywhere when we go out.

[00:14:50] And that she was telling the other bridesmaids

[00:14:52] That she doesn't have money

[00:14:53] And can't afford the bachelorette.

[00:14:55] I mentioned that we should start looking at some dress options for her.

[00:14:59] And she told me to just kill her now.

[00:15:01] And rolled her eyes.

[00:15:03] This really weighed on me.

[00:15:05] So I asked her to talk.

[00:15:07] And basically was just like,

[00:15:08] Is something going on?

[00:15:09] Or is this not what you want to do?

[00:15:12] She said that she's excited.

[00:15:13] But that her reason for not seeming excited and not helping with anything

[00:15:17] Is that I didn't clearly lay out my expectations for what she should do.

[00:15:21] This seriously raised my eyebrows.

[00:15:23] Because she never once asked questions if she was confused.

[00:15:26] She didn't ask anyone else for guidance.

[00:15:28] And there's something called the internet that you can consult if you're looking to learn something.

[00:15:33] I gave her the opportunity to step down if this is something she's genuinely not interested in.

[00:15:38] But she adamantly refused.

[00:15:40] So it seemed I was to blame for a lack of support.

[00:15:44] I listed my expectations for her.

[00:15:46] Help plan the bachelorette.

[00:15:48] But that ship has sailed.

[00:15:50] Buy her a dress.

[00:15:51] Help my mum set up the bridal shower.

[00:15:53] She's not expected to pay for any of that.

[00:15:55] Be there on the day of the wedding and stand next to me.

[00:15:58] Just generally be supportive.

[00:16:00] She still said she wanted to be maid of honour.

[00:16:03] And asked what dress I had in mind.

[00:16:05] If any.

[00:16:06] I showed her the dress I was thinking.

[00:16:08] Sage green gown with cap sleeve.

[00:16:10] Because it's a spring wedding.

[00:16:12] And spring is kind of chilly here.

[00:16:14] That's $120.

[00:16:16] She said that she doesn't like it.

[00:16:18] Because she's going to sweat in it.

[00:16:20] And that she's not sure she can save enough money between now and November to afford it.

[00:16:24] She says she has a pair of shoes that would match.

[00:16:26] And I asked to see them.

[00:16:28] But she didn't show me.

[00:16:29] I told her that she shouldn't be secretive with not knowing something.

[00:16:33] And if she's confused or is having a problem.

[00:16:35] Just tell me so I can help find a solution.

[00:16:38] I told her she's one of my closest friends.

[00:16:40] And I love her.

[00:16:41] And she just looked at me and didn't say anything.

[00:16:45] Literally the next day.

[00:16:46] She told me she bought some tank tops for $50.

[00:16:49] And has been planning to go to Universal in October.

[00:16:52] Again.

[00:16:53] It's not my place to tell someone how to spend their money.

[00:16:56] But it's hard to ignore when anytime I talk to her.

[00:16:59] She mentions she doesn't have any money for anything.

[00:17:01] But then says how she just bought whatever or went wherever.

[00:17:05] She's been unemployed since last summer.

[00:17:07] And when I asked her if she's looking locally at maybe getting some part time just to pay the bills.

[00:17:12] Well she looks for something related to her degree.

[00:17:14] She said she's over qualified for those jobs.

[00:17:17] And refuses to work in food service or retail.

[00:17:20] Her extremely kind boyfriend has been paying for rent for a three bedroom apartment.

[00:17:24] Groceries, dates and everything else by himself.

[00:17:27] I'm just completely at a loss at this point.

[00:17:29] Because it seems like she's saying she wants to do it.

[00:17:32] But that she may not be able to.

[00:17:34] And then is kind of mean to me.

[00:17:36] I'm starting to get the feeling that she wants me to pay for a dress, shoes and alterations.

[00:17:40] But I really can't do that either.

[00:17:42] With all of my remaining deposits coming due.

[00:17:45] The absolute latest I can wait is November to order the dress.

[00:17:48] But if she's telling me she doesn't know if she can save enough to afford the dress she doesn't want to wear.

[00:17:53] How will she have enough potential alterations or getting shoes?

[00:17:56] This has been so stressful for me worrying about her financial situation.

[00:18:00] And her I don't care about anything to do with you attitude.

[00:18:04] I want to give it a few months and then check in with her to see if she's made progress on saving.

[00:18:08] And see if she adjusts her vibe.

[00:18:10] But part of me wants to just rip the bandaid off now.

[00:18:13] Not even put this stress on her financially anymore.

[00:18:15] And tell her to attend as a guest.

[00:18:17] There is someone that I would ask instead.

[00:18:19] But I'm afraid this would burn the bridge with Maid of Honor.

[00:18:22] And I don't need an enemy in my life.

[00:18:25] Am I being a Bridezilla or completely off base here?

[00:18:28] I think I'm trying to be reasonable.

[00:18:29] But maybe I'm just being a doormat for a bad friend.

[00:18:32] And could use outside opinions.

[00:18:36] For me in this one you're not being a Bridezilla at all in this situation.

[00:18:39] You give her plenty of opportunities to drop out.

[00:18:43] You've talked to her about her worries.

[00:18:45] You said if you know if there's anything going on.

[00:18:47] Talk to you about it.

[00:18:49] If she genuinely couldn't afford it.

[00:18:51] You know she could have spoken to you about it.

[00:18:54] Or she could drop out.

[00:18:55] The whole attitude she has towards your wedding.

[00:18:58] Rolling her eyes at certain things.

[00:19:00] That would piss me off too you know.

[00:19:03] I know myself that I wouldn't treat a friend like that.

[00:19:06] So in terms of your question of leaving it for now.

[00:19:09] For a couple of months or whatever.

[00:19:10] Or ripping the band-aid off now.

[00:19:12] I would just do that.

[00:19:14] I would literally.

[00:19:14] If you can.

[00:19:15] I would sit her down.

[00:19:17] And tell her.

[00:19:18] This is what's going to happen.

[00:19:19] What is going on.

[00:19:21] This is what you've seen.

[00:19:22] Maybe if you can see this killing the friendship anyway.

[00:19:25] Let her read the post.

[00:19:26] But regardless.

[00:19:27] This is your wedding.

[00:19:28] This is your day.

[00:19:29] I wouldn't sit on this.

[00:19:31] And wait for a couple of months.

[00:19:32] And then have to deal with the stress.

[00:19:33] Because she still hasn't done anything about it.

[00:19:37] But Charming Beauty says.

[00:19:39] Sit her down with a witness.

[00:19:40] And tell her how much you love her.

[00:19:42] That she is your friend.

[00:19:43] And you want her there at your wedding.

[00:19:45] But you don't want to put any added pressure on her.

[00:19:47] With events.

[00:19:48] Planning and costs associated with it.

[00:19:50] Offer her a different role.

[00:19:51] In which she can wear whatever she wants.

[00:19:53] And pray she doesn't show up in white.

[00:19:55] She may breathe a sigh of relief.

[00:19:57] Thankful for the pressure to be off.

[00:19:59] And be a fabulous guest.

[00:20:01] Or.

[00:20:01] And more likely.

[00:20:02] You realize she wasn't the friend you thought she was.

[00:20:04] And says she's not coming.

[00:20:06] If that happens.

[00:20:07] She'll try to get people on her side.

[00:20:08] And lie.

[00:20:09] Which is why I said.

[00:20:10] Have a witness there too.

[00:20:12] You should not be having this much stress right now.

[00:20:15] Hope you have a beautiful wedding.

[00:20:18] Kando Boo says.

[00:20:19] It's hard to come to the realization.

[00:20:21] That a friendship that you have nurtured and treasured.

[00:20:23] Has come to an end.

[00:20:24] Regardless of your ask.

[00:20:26] Slash expectations.

[00:20:28] Or her financial situation.

[00:20:29] Your maid of honor no longer thinks of you the way you do her.

[00:20:32] If you sit down and think about it.

[00:20:34] A lackluster behavior likely started before your wedding planning.

[00:20:38] Actions really do speak louder than words.

[00:20:41] She has found money and time for everything and anything else but you.

[00:20:45] If you're wedding day.

[00:20:46] Surround yourself with people who are genuinely happy and supportive of you.

[00:20:51] Don't capture memories now that will make you sad and regretful later.

[00:20:54] Good luck with everything.

[00:20:56] And I wish you an amazing wedding day.

[00:20:59] Just Keep It Anonymous says.

[00:21:01] Okay.

[00:21:01] So two things here I can say.

[00:21:03] First.

[00:21:03] I don't think you are being a bridezilla.

[00:21:06] But I do think in this western eye style weddings.

[00:21:09] There are so many expectations for a wedding.

[00:21:11] It's literally burdensome on everyone involved.

[00:21:14] Second.

[00:21:15] You're excited for your own wedding and doing a lot of planning which is normal.

[00:21:18] But your maid of honor is not excited and you should accept that.

[00:21:21] She doesn't want to bother at all with your wedding.

[00:21:24] And to be honest I wouldn't too.

[00:21:26] But she should not be the maid of honor if she doesn't want to participate in the expected way.

[00:21:31] Let her be a guest and find someone with your vibe.

[00:21:35] And I kind of get that comment.

[00:21:36] I get that you know.

[00:21:37] Not everyone's going to be fully invested in your wedding.

[00:21:40] You know I hear weddings and I just want to turn up most of the time.

[00:21:44] So I do get it you know.

[00:21:45] But this is a maid of honor position.

[00:21:47] OP said at the start that they explained the expectations of them.

[00:21:52] Which you know I get it.

[00:21:54] Having to do things for someone else's wedding.

[00:21:56] I get it.

[00:21:57] It can be a pain in the ass right.

[00:21:58] But you just don't accept that responsibility when it's been explained to you up front to begin with.

[00:22:04] I don't know that's the way it just feels to me anyway.

[00:22:07] OP updated the post and said I really appreciate all the input from my previous post.

[00:22:12] And all the advice on how to navigate the situation.

[00:22:15] I decided to convey it as gently and positively as possible.

[00:22:18] Focusing on the benefits of not being in the wedding party.

[00:22:22] I was up front that we needed to talk about something important regarding the wedding.

[00:22:26] And she said the only time she had available was when her boyfriend was out.

[00:22:30] Not surprising since she seems to only hang out with me when he and no one else is available.

[00:22:35] Regardless I made it work.

[00:22:37] We talked about some other stuff first.

[00:22:39] And then I asked her how saving for the dress was going.

[00:22:43] To which she replied what dress.

[00:22:46] Anne genuinely had no idea what I was talking about.

[00:22:49] When I said the maid of honor dress.

[00:22:51] She said she saved zero dollars because she has no job and no income.

[00:22:56] If you've read my previous posts you'll know that this is partly true.

[00:23:00] She definitely spends money elsewhere but whatever.

[00:23:03] That's kind of besides the point and not my business anyway.

[00:23:06] She's just always talking about it so it's hard to escape it.

[00:23:10] I said that given how open and vocal she has been with her financial struggles and her emotional stress.

[00:23:16] My fiance and I feel it's best that she attends as a guest instead of maid of honor.

[00:23:19] I love her.

[00:23:21] She's one of my closest friends and I just want her to be comfortable to enjoy herself at the wedding.

[00:23:26] With no obligations or financial burden.

[00:23:28] She was understanding at first but said she's totally surprised and had no idea where this was coming from.

[00:23:34] I told her that we discussed this before so it's not entirely out of nowhere.

[00:23:38] And that what she has said has been weighing on me.

[00:23:41] She got a little defensive.

[00:23:43] Which I understand.

[00:23:44] And said that she's sorry she comes off as so destitute and poor.

[00:23:47] Which that's all she says though.

[00:23:50] She'll be meeting someone new for the first time and tell them that she doesn't have a job.

[00:23:54] Is broke.

[00:23:55] Has no money.

[00:23:55] Etc.

[00:23:56] She said she put the dress on her credit card that she can charge $100 max to.

[00:24:01] And I immediately shut that down and said it wasn't a healthy choice.

[00:24:05] No one should be going into debt over a wedding.

[00:24:07] And certainly not if they clearly aren't enjoying the process.

[00:24:10] She then said that for her own piece she wanted me to know that she knew exactly what she signed up for.

[00:24:16] And has been all in since the beginning.

[00:24:18] At this point I knew for a fact that she's lying right to my face.

[00:24:22] In the last discussion we had she said she didn't know she had to be excited and should be doing anything because I wasn't clear on the expectations with her.

[00:24:30] Now all of a sudden she knew what she was signing up for and she's been all in.

[00:24:35] Tell that to the other girls that planned the bachelorette in her stead because she ghosted everyone.

[00:24:41] She never sent any dress options she was interested in after I repeatedly asked.

[00:24:45] She never once asked how planning was going.

[00:24:47] She never knew I was having a bridal shower.

[00:24:50] She didn't know if I had already bought my own bride to be sash for the bachelorette.

[00:24:54] I didn't.

[00:24:55] I could never discuss anything Maid of Honor related with her without it feeling like I'm creating a major inconvenience in her life by just asking if she can show a tiny bit of enthusiasm.

[00:25:06] I couldn't believe she would claim to be all in when she also told me after that first discussion that she doesn't believe in marriage.

[00:25:13] And then made some uncalled for comments about my fiance.

[00:25:16] She's absolutely entitled to whatever she wants to believe and I completely respect that.

[00:25:21] However, I don't think someone who was recently so open about not believing in marriage and said that to my face about my wedding should be my maid of honor then.

[00:25:30] The crux of the issue was her attitude.

[00:25:32] Plain and simple.

[00:25:33] She wanted all the clout of being in the wedding party without actually putting a drop of effort to be a good friend and get along with the wedding party.

[00:25:41] That's why I really don't understand why she was so adamant about staying in the wedding party despite her actions screaming.

[00:25:47] I'd rather be six feet under.

[00:25:49] It is a mystery why she even agreed to be my maid of honor then threw it back in my face as if I forced her into an uncomfortable position.

[00:25:57] Meanwhile, I previously checked in with her and given her three opportunities to step down if this wasn't meshing with her.

[00:26:03] I really considered for a long time if this was something I wanted to do and the more I thought about all the future possibilities, I realized it really didn't matter wedding related or not.

[00:26:13] She's always going to be difficult with everything.

[00:26:16] Ultimately, she said she understood and would attend as a guest but realistically, I doubt she had come to anything.

[00:26:22] I haven't spoken with her since and I honestly don't care that much if the friendship fizzles out at this point.

[00:26:27] This is clearly someone who isn't supportive of me and my relationship, has made that very apparent and has made the entire wedding process about herself.

[00:26:37] It's not hard to show up for your friends when they're the people you love and love you.

[00:26:42] I have plenty of friends that show up for me, my fiance and a whole friend group every day.

[00:26:47] She is definitely an outlier and has a lot of a scratch in our heads.

[00:26:51] I'm sure some will say I'm wrong for this and maybe that's true.

[00:26:54] Two things are ever black and white and maybe I could have done a lot more to accommodate this person who wasn't showing up for me despite me asking barely anything of her.

[00:27:03] But for my own sanity, it's a relief to not rely on her anymore or continue an uphill battle when I should be enjoying this time.

[00:27:11] No one is going to advocate and look out for me other than myself in this situation.

[00:27:16] I needed to put myself first and say, I deserve better.

[00:27:20] Also, side note, I'll give you an example of the type of person she is.

[00:27:24] She invited herself to her boyfriend's friend's bachelor trip.

[00:27:27] She decided to go to the same city for that weekend and wanted to ride there with them and spend the weekend with them.

[00:27:33] Her boyfriend told her she had to stay more than 100 feet away from them at all times.

[00:27:38] Lol.

[00:27:39] Lol indeed.

[00:27:41] And for me, I kind of think this is the best possible situation.

[00:27:45] You know, if this friend is going to take a step back now, that's kind of what needs to happen.

[00:27:50] They just don't sound like much of a friend.

[00:27:53] It sounded like a very one-sided relationship.

[00:27:56] Like Opie will put the love and respect into one.

[00:27:59] But a friend doesn't want to give much back.

[00:28:02] And it kind of said that to me when Opie said about, you know, she can only hang out with her when a boyfriend or someone isn't about.

[00:28:08] Like Opie is kind of like a last resort kind of thing.

[00:28:11] And we've seen that many times within these stories where these friendships kind of fizzle out over time.

[00:28:17] And in some ways, I'm kind of like, it's sad, but it happens.

[00:28:21] It's happened to me in the past as well.

[00:28:24] You know, my best friend from school, we was determined after school.

[00:28:27] We was, you know, always could be meeting up and going to do our own thing.

[00:28:31] But we drifted apart.

[00:28:33] Still loves a dude.

[00:28:33] Would still hang out with him if he walked back into my life.

[00:28:36] But we've got very different lives now and do our own things.

[00:28:39] And I think that's okay.

[00:28:40] I think it's a bit different in this situation.

[00:28:43] Because I think regardless of wedding expectations and whether you agree with them, whether you don't agree with them,

[00:28:49] I still feel like that friend was taking the piss a bit.

[00:28:52] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:28:55] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:28:58] You bloody cheeky so-and-so.

[00:29:00] And I don't know where that got from.

[00:29:02] And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in these stories.

[00:29:07] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:29:11] And I will see you in the next one.

[00:29:14] Take care and much love.

[00:29:18] I always find myself in like, like in, in the real world.

[00:29:22] Like whenever something's going down, I always find myself in my head looking at people going,

[00:29:26] you bloody cheeky so-and-so.

[00:29:28] One day it's going to come out and I'm going to look a right tit.

[00:29:31] Anyway, much love.