I'm Adopted But My Birth Mother REFUSES To Give Me Information Unless I Meet Her r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Hallo, wir sind Julia Becker und Chris Sommer vom Podcast Drinnis. Hunde sind ja eher keine Drinnis, die wollen mehrfach täglich raus und mit anderen spielen, muss jeder selber wissen. Wer so viel unterwegs ist, sollte allerdings auch gut versichert sein. Die Tierkrankenversicherung von Petolo bietet euren Hunden und Katzen Vollschutz, das heißt OP und Krankenschutz.

[00:00:19] Mit dem Gutscheincode Drinnis sichert ihr euch einen kostenfreien Probemonat, mit dem ihr einen Monat lang alle Petolo-Services nutzen sowie eine Videosprechstunde bei Dr. Fressnapf unverbindlich und kostenfrei testen könnt.

[00:00:30] Alle Infos dazu findet ihr auf petolo.de.

[00:00:37] Deine Katze und du, ihr seid ein starkes Team. Und auch deine Allergie ändert daran nichts. Denn wir von Purina bringen euch wieder näher zusammen.

[00:00:45] Mit Purina ProPlan LiveClear, der ersten und einzigen Katzennahrung, die nachweislich Allergene reduziert.

[00:00:52] Hat alles, was deine Katze braucht. Und neutralisiert die Allergene auf ihren Haaren und Hautschuppen. Schon ab der dritten Fütterungswoche.

[00:01:00] Purina ProPlan LiveClear. Jetzt entdecken. Im Tierbedarf und auf shop.purina.de.

[00:01:07] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

[00:01:19] And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too.

[00:01:25] And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:01:30] Now, today's first story comes from Purple Sunshine from the AmIWrong subreddit and says,

[00:01:35] Am I wrong for refusing to meet my biological mum after in person I signed up for a DNA testing site?

[00:01:44] I'm a 24 male. He was adopted when I was 6 years old.

[00:01:48] I've always felt incredibly lucky because my adoptive parents, who were in their late 20s when they took me in,

[00:01:54] have been nothing short of amazing.

[00:01:56] They've loved and supported me as if I were their own flesh and blood.

[00:02:00] And I've never felt like anything was missing in my life because of being adopted.

[00:02:04] Growing up, I had very minimal details about my adoption.

[00:02:08] I know that I was removed from my biological family by social services due to neglect and abuse.

[00:02:14] But I don't remember anything about my life before I was adopted.

[00:02:18] It's not something I've dwelled on much because I've never felt like I needed those missing pieces to feel complete or valued.

[00:02:25] Recently, out of simple curiosity, I decided to sign up for one of those at-home DNA testing kits.

[00:02:32] I wasn't looking for a reunion or any deep connection.

[00:02:36] I just wanted to know more about my genetic history, like why I was removed from my biological family and if there were any medical issues I should be aware of.

[00:02:45] Honestly, I didn't expect to find anyone closely related to me, so it felt like a low-stakes way to get some answers.

[00:02:52] About eight weeks after sending off the kit, I finally remembered to check the results.

[00:02:57] And to my surprise, I matched with my biological mother.

[00:03:01] She had sent me a message saying that she was overjoyed that I had done the test and that she desperately wanted to reconnect with me and the rest of my biological family.

[00:03:09] She mentioned that she saw of me every day, that I was always loved and even that I have a biological little brother who is very excited to meet me.

[00:03:18] Something I didn't even know.

[00:03:20] Her message was really emotional and to be honest, overwhelming.

[00:03:25] To me, she's a complete stranger and reading those words didn't stir anything in me other than discomfort.

[00:03:31] I spent a lot of time crafting a thoughtful response to birth mother, explaining that while I appreciated her message, I wasn't interested in forming a relationship with her or any of my biological family.

[00:03:43] I made it clear that my reason for doing the DNA test was purely informational.

[00:03:47] I wanted to understand my past, maybe get some medical history and learn why I was removed.

[00:03:53] But that was it.

[00:03:54] I apologized if my actions gave her the wrong impression.

[00:03:57] Birth mother read my message and replied saying that she'd be willing to give me all the information I wanted, but only if I agreed to meet her at a cafe to discuss our relationship further.

[00:04:07] I refused telling her that I wasn't comfortable with a face-to-face meeting.

[00:04:11] I offered a phone call as a compromise but emphasized that I just wanted the information and then for both of us to move on with our lives.

[00:04:19] She outright refused to provide any information unless I agreed to meet with her in person and discuss our relationship.

[00:04:26] I talked to my best friend about this and she sided with birth mother saying that I was being unfair.

[00:04:32] She argued that by signing up for their DNA site, I'd essentially opened the door to this kind of situation and that refusing to meet with my birth mother now is like playing mind games and leading them on.

[00:04:44] So am I the arsehole for not wanting a relationship with my biological mum after I signed up for their DNA testing site?

[00:04:51] Now for me, I was automatically worried that she turned her blackmail to get the information, to give you the information that you wanted, but to do so you would have to meet up with her.

[00:05:03] But I simply can't blame you in this situation.

[00:05:05] You don't know this person, so you're gonna be not the arsehole.

[00:05:09] You don't owe them nothing.

[00:05:10] It's as simple as that to me.

[00:05:11] But Queen of Mare says not the arsehole.

[00:05:14] She's holding your info hostage to get you to meet with her, which is her being the arsehole.

[00:05:19] You were removed for a reason and she probably wants to fill you in with her version.

[00:05:24] Since you know her name, can you contact the agency that removed you to request the information?

[00:05:29] Opie says,

[00:05:30] I could have always gone through the route of getting in touch with social services and seeing what they can tell me.

[00:05:35] Though I am not sure how much they can share because of data protection.

[00:05:39] So I just thought it would be easier this way.

[00:05:41] Also, it would have been nice to hear it from my family's perspective, if you get what I mean.

[00:05:47] Another commenter says,

[00:05:48] As a fellow adoptee, I vote not the arsehole, without question.

[00:05:52] You don't owe her anything.

[00:05:54] I'd argue she owes you information though.

[00:05:57] Something she did cause the adoption to happen and she's awful for holding that information hostage.

[00:06:02] Your friend is completely in the wrong and if they aren't adopted, I'm not surprised about their opinion.

[00:06:07] A lot of non-adopted people have really weird opinions on how adoptees should feel and act.

[00:06:14] Classical one being that we should all feel grateful for adoptive parents because they saved us.

[00:06:20] Opie says,

[00:06:21] No, they are not adopted.

[00:06:23] Which yeah, may explain their perspective.

[00:06:25] They did annoy me though, calling me unfair for not having a relationship with them,

[00:06:30] despite the fact it's not something I've ever wanted.

[00:06:32] It was unfortunate that birth mother saw I was on there and messaged me first.

[00:06:37] And I feel bad that it may have given her false hope.

[00:06:39] I wish I could have been the first to message to get it out there right away.

[00:06:43] What I was expecting.

[00:06:44] Another commenter says to Opie,

[00:06:46] Not the arsehole.

[00:06:47] Fellow adoptee here.

[00:06:48] I did meet my birth mother when I was 16 and I've spent the following 16 years regretting it.

[00:06:54] Mine is selfish and manipulative and pulled the same trick.

[00:06:58] I'll tell you everything when I see you.

[00:07:00] Nope.

[00:07:01] Do not engage.

[00:07:03] Half of what she told me was outright lies and she desperately tried to wedge herself into my life at every opportunity.

[00:07:09] But I've made it clear that I do not want her.

[00:07:12] How does it feel to be unwanted, egg donor?

[00:07:14] Welcome to my world.

[00:07:16] I'm an adult.

[00:07:17] I have my own children now.

[00:07:19] My parents were wonderful people.

[00:07:20] I didn't have the best life ever or anything,

[00:07:23] but I was raised by people who loved me and wanted the best for me.

[00:07:27] It's hard.

[00:07:27] Your birth mother has expectations and you have different ones.

[00:07:31] The thing is, she's being unrealistic and unreasonable by holding the info you want hostage.

[00:07:37] I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

[00:07:38] It's not right of her and it's not fair to you.

[00:07:42] Opie responded saying,

[00:07:44] I understood that what she would have told me wouldn't likely have been the objective truth.

[00:07:49] But I was interested in hearing it from her anyway.

[00:07:52] In some ways, I suppose I was a little curious about her and her life,

[00:07:55] but I didn't want a relationship with her at this point in my life.

[00:07:59] But that wouldn't have been me saying never.

[00:08:01] And she didn't tell me how old her other son is,

[00:08:04] but depending, would have possibly been willing to meet him at least.

[00:08:07] The fact that she tried to force my hand has left a really sour taste in my mouth

[00:08:11] and has made the whole thing icky.

[00:08:14] I think I've decided that I'm going to write her a final message about how I didn't appreciate

[00:08:18] being told I would only be allowed that information if I met up with her

[00:08:22] and discussed her relationship with her.

[00:08:24] I think I will say it comes across as manipulative.

[00:08:27] And that is what put the final nail in the coffin

[00:08:29] and I certainly don't want anything to do with her.

[00:08:31] But does that seem too much?

[00:08:34] I'm not going overboard by saying that to her, am I?

[00:08:37] And a final comment to the OP saying,

[00:08:39] Not the arsehole.

[00:08:40] Honestly find it a bit concerning she is using blackmail to get her way,

[00:08:43] completely ignoring how you feel.

[00:08:46] You're not comfortable meeting her.

[00:08:48] And that is your right and it's okay.

[00:08:50] You decided, despite not wanting to, to give her a phone call instead.

[00:08:54] She still refused.

[00:08:56] As I said, I'm concerned.

[00:08:57] She doesn't have your best interest at heart, only what she wants.

[00:09:00] I guess she wants to meet you.

[00:09:02] But the only thing she's doing is driving you away with her demands and blackmail.

[00:09:06] I'm so sorry.

[00:09:09] OP responded saying,

[00:09:10] It does seem that way to me.

[00:09:12] I feel better knowing that I wasn't being blind.

[00:09:15] Though certainly was being naive to think that she would just give me all the information I was looking for.

[00:09:20] The fact that she has given me demands makes me more certain that I don't want to meet her.

[00:09:25] And the extra thing is,

[00:09:26] I may have been open to a potential in real life meeting at some point in the future if she didn't try to force me.

[00:09:32] But now she has.

[00:09:34] I don't know.

[00:09:35] I'm feeling pretty confused at the minute.

[00:09:37] Depending on the age of the son, I may be willing to have some contact with him.

[00:09:41] But again, it definitely wouldn't be an in real life thing right away.

[00:09:46] So OP comes in with an update and says,

[00:09:48] Hey everyone.

[00:09:49] It's been about nine days since I last posted.

[00:09:52] I thought it was time for an update.

[00:09:54] I really want to thank everyone who took the time to comment and offer advice.

[00:09:58] I've read through everything and it's been both helpful and eye-opening.

[00:10:01] So after all the advice and some serious thinking,

[00:10:05] I decided to talk to my biological mom again.

[00:10:07] Hoping that maybe if I explained myself better,

[00:10:10] she'd understand where I was coming from.

[00:10:12] Unfortunately, things went downhill fast.

[00:10:15] Instead of trying to meet me halfway,

[00:10:17] she just got more manipulative,

[00:10:19] insisting that I was being selfish for not wanting to meet her in person.

[00:10:23] She refused to give me any information unless I agreed to her terms,

[00:10:27] which was a hard no from me.

[00:10:29] I've come to realize that I was pretty naive to think that my biological family

[00:10:33] might be decent people after everything.

[00:10:35] I mean, I was removed from their care for a reason.

[00:10:38] But I guess part of me wanted to believe that people can change.

[00:10:42] Looking back, I feel kind of dumb for even starting this whole journey.

[00:10:45] It's brought up a lot of emotions that I wasn't really prepared to deal with.

[00:10:49] And to be honest, I'm feeling pretty down about the whole situation.

[00:10:53] And as for my best friend, well, that's another disappointment.

[00:10:57] She didn't just side with my biological mom initially.

[00:11:00] She's been unsupportive throughout this whole mess.

[00:11:03] Even after I told her about the latest conversation,

[00:11:06] she couldn't really understand why I was so upset.

[00:11:08] She kept saying that I should just give them a chance and not be so harsh.

[00:11:13] It's like she doesn't get how hard this is for me.

[00:11:16] And I'm starting to feel like she never really did.

[00:11:19] It's tough though, because I've always considered her one of my closest friends.

[00:11:23] But right now, I'm not sure she's someone I can rely on.

[00:11:27] After all this, I decided to sit down with my adoptive parents and talk everything over with them.

[00:11:33] I hadn't really opened up to them about how deep this was affecting me.

[00:11:37] But they were amazing as always.

[00:11:39] They were upset when they heard how my biological mom was acting.

[00:11:42] And they reassured me that none of this is my fault.

[00:11:45] They reminded me there's a reason why I was removed from that situation.

[00:11:49] And it's not for me to fix it or make things right with people who've clearly not changed.

[00:11:54] Talking with them made me realize just how lucky I am to have them.

[00:11:58] They've been there for me every step of the way.

[00:12:00] And they made it clear that whatever happens, they're my real family.

[00:12:04] The ones who's loved and supported me no matter what.

[00:12:07] It's not hard to feel down after everything that's happened.

[00:12:10] But having them in my corner makes it a bit easier to cope.

[00:12:14] Honestly, I regret even starting this whole DNA journey.

[00:12:17] It's brought up more pain than I expected.

[00:12:19] And I can't help but wish I'd left the past where it belongs.

[00:12:23] But at the same time, I'm grateful that it's reminded me of how blessed I am to have my adoptive parents.

[00:12:29] They're the ones who's always been there for me.

[00:12:31] And I couldn't ask for a better family.

[00:12:33] So that's where I'm at.

[00:12:35] I'm going to focus on people who truly care about me and let go of the rest.

[00:12:39] It's not easy, but I know I'm on the right path.

[00:12:42] Thanks again to everyone who reached out.

[00:12:44] It's really helped me feel less alone in all of this.

[00:12:46] Take care everyone.

[00:13:18] All the info to find out on petolo.de

[00:13:21] slash trenis.

[00:13:25] Deine Katze und du, ihr seid ein starkes Team.

[00:13:28] Und auch deine Allergie ändert daran nichts.

[00:13:31] Denn wir von Purina bringen euch wieder näher zusammen.

[00:13:34] Mit Purina ProPlan Live Clear.

[00:13:36] Der ersten und einzigen Katzennahrung, die nachweislich Allergene reduziert.

[00:13:40] Hat alles, was deine Katze braucht.

[00:13:43] Und neutralisiert die Allergene auf ihren Haaren und Hautschuppen.

[00:13:46] Schon ab der dritten Fütterungswoche.

[00:13:48] Purina ProPlan Live Clear.

[00:13:50] Jetzt entdecken.

[00:13:51] Im Tierbedarf und auf shop.purina.de

[00:13:58] Hope he also added another post which was just titled,

[00:14:02] My Favorite Memory.

[00:14:03] Hey everyone.

[00:14:04] I've been thinking a lot about my family today.

[00:14:07] Especially after everything that's been going on lately.

[00:14:09] It got me reminiscing about some of the best moments I've had with them.

[00:14:13] And there's one memory that stands out.

[00:14:15] Something from when I was still a kid that I'll never forget.

[00:14:19] Must have been about 8 years old.

[00:14:21] Just a couple of years after I was adopted.

[00:14:23] It was around Christmas time and I remember feeling nervous because it was only my second

[00:14:28] Christmas with my adoptive parents.

[00:14:30] Holidays always make me feel weird.

[00:14:32] Even now.

[00:14:33] Anyway, my dad's friend owned a Christmas tree farm and that year my mom and dad decided

[00:14:38] to take me to pick our Christmas tree.

[00:14:40] We spent what felt like hours walking through rows and rows of trees.

[00:14:45] My parents kept asking me which one I liked best and I remember feeling so much pressure.

[00:14:50] Like I had to pick the absolute best one or else I'd ruin Christmas.

[00:14:55] But they were so patient, letting me take my time.

[00:14:58] Finally, I pointed at a tree.

[00:15:00] Honestly, it looked like every other one to me.

[00:15:03] But my parents made a huge deal out of it.

[00:15:05] My dad knelt down to start sawing and I remember him pretending to struggle saying

[00:15:10] Oh no, I think this tree might be too strong for me.

[00:15:13] My dad made me come over and help me, saying he couldn't do it alone.

[00:15:17] So there I was, this little 8 year old pretending to help my dad saw down this tree.

[00:15:22] Of course, I wasn't actually doing anything.

[00:15:25] But they made me feel like I was the strongest kid in the world.

[00:15:28] When the tree finally fell, my dad swept me in his arms and spun me around saying

[00:15:32] We did it!

[00:15:34] After we got home and set up the tree, my mom brought out these old boxes full of ornaments.

[00:15:39] She told me that we're going to start a new tradition.

[00:15:42] Every year, we'd pick out one new ornament to add to the tree.

[00:15:46] Something that represented something special from that year.

[00:15:49] That night, they handed me my very first ornament.

[00:15:52] A little wooden bear holding a heart with the word family carved into it.

[00:15:57] My mom said, this one's for you because you made our family complete.

[00:16:01] I remember holding that ornament, feeling this huge wave of love and belonging that I'd never really felt before.

[00:16:08] At the time, I don't think it even hit me how impactful that was.

[00:16:12] How that moment defines the way I look at myself today.

[00:16:14] I was part of a loving family.

[00:16:17] I was their family.

[00:16:19] Every Christmas after that, we'd put out the little wooden bear and hang it up first.

[00:16:23] It became our tradition.

[00:16:24] The reason I've been thinking about this memory today is because it's a reminder of how lucky I am to have the parents I do.

[00:16:31] They didn't just give me a home.

[00:16:32] They gave me a sense of belonging and they gave me love.

[00:16:36] Even with everything that's been going on, I know that I've got something really special and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

[00:16:43] Anyway, thanks for letting me share this.

[00:16:45] I just needed to remind myself how amazing my family is.

[00:16:48] I hope it brings a smile to your face like it does to mine.

[00:16:51] But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:16:54] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:16:57] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:17:00] And let's move on to another story.

[00:17:03] Now, our next story comes from the True Off My Chest subreddit from KEH2018 and says,

[00:17:08] I was once again left out of my daughter's birthday pictures and I'm done talking to my husband about it.

[00:17:15] Pretty much as the title says, my daughter turned five in the middle of last week, but yesterday we had a birthday party.

[00:17:22] We had a little local trampoline park since that's her favorite place right now.

[00:17:27] Because of my husband's work schedule, I did the majority of the planning.

[00:17:30] I did contribute financially, but I planned the theme, made the party reservations, ordered the cake, made the party favors, etc.

[00:17:37] My daughter is a huge daddy's girl and thus, he is the favorite parent.

[00:17:42] She's only five, so I don't hold it against her by any means, but it still definitely hurts.

[00:17:47] For health reasons, I can't jump with my daughter, but my husband was.

[00:17:51] They both had a great time and so did the other kids that were there.

[00:17:55] But just like previous years, I'm the one behind the camera.

[00:17:59] I take all the pictures every year and I'm not in any of them.

[00:18:03] I've spoken to my husband about my feelings before,

[00:18:05] but all I get are empty promises of how he will do better.

[00:18:09] Last year, we rented a room at the local conference center for her party

[00:18:13] and I asked my grandmother to take pictures of me and my husband holding our child

[00:18:17] while we sang happy birthday and cut the cake.

[00:18:20] Instead of pictures, she took a video.

[00:18:22] Once again, no pictures of me.

[00:18:25] Call me old-fashioned, but I like printing pictures for photo albums

[00:18:29] and I can't exactly print off a video.

[00:18:31] So another year of no pictures.

[00:18:34] After yesterday's party, we decided to take our gifts home rather than open them at the party.

[00:18:39] The kids had a very limited time at the park, so rather than spend 20 minutes opening presents,

[00:18:44] we figured it'd be better to take them home and open them there

[00:18:47] so the kids had more time to play.

[00:18:49] Even while opening presents, I was behind the camera.

[00:18:53] My husband didn't think once that I should be in any of them.

[00:18:56] By the end of the day, I was very upset and I'll give my husband credit for knowing when I am.

[00:19:01] But then again, I wasn't really hiding it.

[00:19:04] I wanted to say goodnight to my daughter because I had to be up early the next day.

[00:19:08] He followed me to talk to me.

[00:19:10] He said, what's wrong? What did I do?

[00:19:13] I just looked at him and said, it's what you didn't do for the third year in a row.

[00:19:18] I went to the bedroom and he didn't follow me.

[00:19:21] I'm just done.

[00:19:22] I'm so sick of his empty promises of doing better.

[00:19:25] Besides little things like this, he's a good husband and an amazing father.

[00:19:29] But it genuinely feels like there are times when he doesn't think about me at all.

[00:19:34] And if anyone thinks, well, why don't you just ask him to take pictures?

[00:19:37] I shouldn't have to.

[00:19:39] I'd like to think that my husband would want pictures of me and our child together.

[00:19:43] The last picture I remember of him taking of me and our daughter was in a restaurant on my 29th birthday.

[00:19:48] And I asked him to take it.

[00:19:50] I'm so tired of this.

[00:19:52] At any time, I could get sick or be in an accident and die.

[00:19:55] And the only pictures my daughter will have of me will be selfies I've taken.

[00:19:59] None of me on her birthdays or even holidays.

[00:20:02] Because of our crazy schedules, I won't see my husband again until next Sunday.

[00:20:07] Unless he stays up all night to see me in the AM, which he sometimes does.

[00:20:11] Part of me wants to text him and lay it all out again.

[00:20:14] But the majority of my thoughts is just to give up on it.

[00:20:17] I told my husband for the third year in a row.

[00:20:20] But it's probably been more than that.

[00:20:22] I don't recall seeing any pictures of me and her on her birthday.

[00:20:26] Or even being in the background.

[00:20:28] I'm just so hurt and tired of it.

[00:20:31] Thanks for reading.

[00:20:32] And there was a varied mix of comments on this one.

[00:20:36] Some people saying for him to be the designated family photographer.

[00:20:40] Other people saying that he just lives in the moment and you need to remind him.

[00:20:45] Etc, etc.

[00:20:46] But four days later, OP came in with an update and said,

[00:20:50] Thank you to everyone who read and commented on my post.

[00:20:53] There are a lot of supportive comments and some harsh ones.

[00:20:57] But I appreciate them all.

[00:20:58] As there were many who made some great points.

[00:21:01] Before I dive into the update, there are some comments that were made that I want to address.

[00:21:06] Many pointed out that my husband is probably just someone who wants to live in the moment.

[00:21:10] And I 100% agree.

[00:21:12] The biggest reason I was hurt was because of how many times I've spoken to him about my feelings.

[00:21:16] And his constant promises to do better.

[00:21:19] However, like many said, he probably just doesn't think about it at the time.

[00:21:23] I don't think he does it on purpose or doesn't do it out of spite.

[00:21:26] He's probably having too much fun with our daughter and forgets.

[00:21:29] And I shouldn't have let it get to me too much.

[00:21:31] I still think I shouldn't have to ask.

[00:21:33] But we clearly have different views when it comes to special occasions.

[00:21:37] He wants to live in the moment.

[00:21:38] And I want to preserve the moment.

[00:21:40] With that said, please know that I don't constantly have a camera in my hand.

[00:21:44] I just use my phone to snap pictures every so often.

[00:21:47] I put the phone down so I can enjoy my daughter's parties and family gatherings too.

[00:21:51] I just wanted him to do the same for me on occasion.

[00:21:55] Many have said to just take selfies of me and her.

[00:21:58] And I do.

[00:21:59] I take a lot of them.

[00:22:00] I would just like pictures others have taken as well.

[00:22:03] Or even just pictures of me there where I'm not necessarily posing.

[00:22:07] Just pictures of me playing with or hanging out at a party with family and friends.

[00:22:11] Many suggested hiring a photographer.

[00:22:13] But that's not something we can really afford.

[00:22:15] But hopefully with our talk we won't even need to consider it.

[00:22:20] On to the update.

[00:22:21] My husband and I spoke last night.

[00:22:23] When I don't have work the next day I stay up late so I can spend some time with him.

[00:22:27] And I wanted us to finally talk.

[00:22:30] When he came home we sat down.

[00:22:32] He says he still didn't fully understand what he did wrong.

[00:22:34] And I told him again how I wasn't in any pictures.

[00:22:37] And I have talked to him about this many times.

[00:22:40] I did say that I understand he was someone who more lives in the moment.

[00:22:43] But I just wanted to have proof that I was there too.

[00:22:46] That I was present at her parties and for her to have memories of me there.

[00:22:50] Our daughter is only five and she won't remember her parties or holidays from when she was younger.

[00:22:55] As she gets older I know she will know I was there.

[00:22:58] But I also want her to see me in her younger years as she grows up.

[00:23:02] There were some tears and we apologized to each other.

[00:23:05] He promised again to do better.

[00:23:07] But I'm not going to lie.

[00:23:08] I believe it when I see it.

[00:23:10] As he said that before.

[00:23:14] Going forward I'll also ask family and friends to help take pictures.

[00:23:18] So there are also more photos to save and not just mine.

[00:23:22] And yes as many said.

[00:23:23] There will be times where I just flat out ask him to take pictures.

[00:23:27] Thank you again to everyone who commented on my last post.

[00:23:30] I appreciate the support and also the comments that made some great points about how each of us have different perspectives.

[00:23:35] And I need to be more understanding of his values and not just mine.

[00:23:41] One of the commenters said to OP I want you to know that I very purposely took pictures of my friend with her son at his birthday party this week.

[00:23:48] Because of your post.

[00:23:50] Another commenter says I think it's a common problem that women are the photographers.

[00:23:54] I know that there are so few pics of my mum with me when I was a baby slash toddler.

[00:23:58] None of her when she was pregnant with me.

[00:24:01] She's gone now.

[00:24:02] And it makes me feel so sad that I don't have more photos.

[00:24:05] I hope he'll listen for your daughter's sake.

[00:24:08] Another commenter says hi.

[00:24:09] Can I suggest something that might be helpful?

[00:24:11] There's this company that prompts husbands to take better photos of their spouses.

[00:24:15] I tried it last year and it helped my husband a lot.

[00:24:19] They also had only selfies of me and my kids.

[00:24:22] But this made him more cognizant of taking photos of me.

[00:24:25] It sends a weekly text to them with an assignment and also tips on how to get a good shot.

[00:24:30] He didn't have to turn photos in nor is anyone keeping track.

[00:24:33] So he'd have to be accountable for completing the assignments on his own.

[00:24:36] They can also text the spouse too so you can be aware of what his assignments are.

[00:24:40] It was around $50 for one year.

[00:24:43] But I purchased a membership on Black Friday and it was half off.

[00:24:46] Not sure if the price has changed since.

[00:24:48] Ben sent the link which was famtography.com.

[00:24:52] Another commenter said I felt this way for years but something changed my perspective.

[00:24:56] I took photos of my kids being kids over the years.

[00:24:59] I got a smartphone in the 2010s and started snapping pics and videos like any parent does

[00:25:04] and download them to the family hard drive.

[00:25:07] My 17 year old loves looking at the pics and photos.

[00:25:09] And you know what?

[00:25:10] All those videos for my kids have me yammering in the background.

[00:25:14] He may not have as many pictures of me as he has of his dad.

[00:25:17] But he will never forget how I spoke to him as a toddler and young child.

[00:25:21] And another commenter says the people saying just tell him in the moment.

[00:25:25] Don't understand that while mum is planning, prepping and hosting the party.

[00:25:29] Everyone else gets to be in the moment except her.

[00:25:31] No one gave mum an instruction manual to tell her it would be proactive of her to take good

[00:25:37] looking, candid or post pictures of her kids with their dad.

[00:25:40] She just does it because she knows in 20 years it'd be something they will want to look back on.

[00:25:45] Will it take every good mum with an absent minded father to her children to die so the men

[00:25:51] can see they never took nice pictures of their children with their wife?

[00:25:55] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:25:59] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:26:02] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:26:05] Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:26:09] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:26:12] So thank you so, so much.

[00:26:13] And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:26:16] Take care and much love.

[00:26:18] Hello, we are Julia Becker and Chris Sommer from the podcast Trinnis.

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