I'm A Photographer In A Wedding And The Couple Won't Tell Me ANYTHING r/Relationships

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_03]: So in a podcast, it's primarily about the content.

[00:00:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Dad, but also about the food.

[00:00:07] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, sure!

[00:00:08] [SPEAKER_03]: And that's why Rügenwalder Mühle is now giving the small kids the fun of vegan adventure.

[00:00:14] [SPEAKER_03]: Wow!

[00:00:14] [SPEAKER_03]: From nuggets to mortadella,

[00:00:16] [SPEAKER_03]: products were developed here according to the recommendations of the WHO for children's products.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_03]: And? They taste super delicious.

[00:00:22] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, it tastes best when everyone likes it.

[00:00:25] [SPEAKER_03]: Rügenwalder Mühle!

[00:00:39] [SPEAKER_01]: So, if you're new to the channel, make sure you subscribe and hit that notification bell.

[00:00:46] [SPEAKER_01]: And let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Much love, guys!

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Now, before we do get into today's first story, I just want to mention

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_01]: that yeah, my voice is a bit rough at the moment.

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I had several comments in yesterday's video going,

[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_01]: oh, your voice is a bit deep today.

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I got a bit carried away at the football the other day and I lost my voice completely,

[00:01:05] [SPEAKER_01]: but it's slowly coming back.

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, our first story is from Cianna the Witch from the Bridezilla's subreddit and says,

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_01]: bride won't give me wedding location.

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_01]: I am a wedding photographer

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_01]: and I have currently come across my first wedding that I'm considering canceling.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_01]: I booked the wedding several months ago in February and we talked on the phone once then.

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_01]: They said that they had a general idea that they wanted to film it,

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_01]: but not an exact location.

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I said that would be fine if they kept me up to date.

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_01]: They also never gave me an exact time.

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_01]: I messaged them throughout the coming months and never got replies or updates.

[00:01:44] [SPEAKER_01]: I contacted them again on the 10th of June.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_01]: The wedding is on the 30th and still no reply.

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_01]: So, I contacted another vendor they are working with.

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_01]: According to that vendor, they have completely changed plans,

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_01]: moving the wedding to a location three hours away at 5am and with a two-mile hike to the location.

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_01]: I've had no confirmation from the wedding party.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_01]: The other vendor also said that the plans were not firm and subject to change.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I was never able to get them to sign a contract stating the deliverables or the price,

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_01]: but they did pay me in advance.

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Would I be overreacting to cancel the wedding plans last minute?

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_01]: The wedding is five days from now.

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't want to cancel but now I feel I have no choice.

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_01]: What if I drive three hours to find that they changed locations yet again?

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_01]: I would at least partially refund them, if not fully refund them.

[00:02:36] [SPEAKER_01]: But any advice?

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_01]: The fact that you've contacted them multiple times in this and they've ignored you again and again,

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_01]: you know, you run a business.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_01]: A reply text message from them takes a couple of minutes.

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Sure, wedding planning is stressful and people forget things,

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_01]: but the fact that you've done it multiple times,

[00:02:53] [SPEAKER_01]: it seems like it's a bit more than that at this moment in time.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Part of me says give them the ultimatum saying,

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_01]: look, we're going to cancel your part in it if they don't reply to your text message.

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_01]: A part of me is saying just be done with it because of this whole drama to begin with.

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_01]: You shouldn't have been left in this position.

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_01]: The fact that they're changing such huge details without telling you,

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_01]: moving the wedding to a location three hours away,

[00:03:15] [SPEAKER_01]: a six hour round trip for you,

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_01]: a potential two mile hike,

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_01]: depending on what photography equipment is needed.

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_01]: I've seen photographers with just a couple of cameras.

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I've also seen photographers with a full studio set up.

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_01]: But in the comments, Dina Felice says,

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_01]: given my multiple attempts to contact you and the fact that I still have not received a location

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_01]: or any of the other information I would need to lock down my travel arrangements

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_01]: and we are less than a week out,

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm forced to treat this as a de facto cancellation.

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_01]: You'll be given a refund of XYZ dollars,

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_01]: the original payment minus the deposit.

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_01]: You have my sincere best wishes on your future plans.

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_01]: And if you're still getting married,

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_01]: congratulations.

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Under no circumstances should you consider going to a venue

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_01]: that you were told about by a third party,

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_01]: nor should you give them a full refund since they prevented you from making alternative plans.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Even if they were to reach out now,

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_01]: I would strongly discourage you from photographing this wedding

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_01]: without a clear contract in place

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_01]: to set expectations and ensure you're on the same page.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_01]: There's a high likelihood that they will blame any and all problems on you,

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_01]: even those resulting from their lack of communication or poor planning.

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And even if they don't do that,

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_01]: can you imagine continuing to deal with their flakiness

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_01]: when trying to deliver the finalized pictures?

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Opie says,

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I think this is what I will do.

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for the detailed response.

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_01]: I like that you mentioned travel arrangements as well

[00:04:41] [SPEAKER_01]: because on our initial phone call,

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_01]: they mentioned something about a ferry ride through the park.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_01]: They haven't provided any more detail on that either.

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Like, should I have bought myself a ticket?

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Would they provide one for me?

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Is it still even happening etc.

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_01]: The other vendor gave me a very sketchy timeline of events,

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_01]: stating that the two-mile hike was timestamped for 10 minutes.

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm sure you're right

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_01]: that if we didn't get up the hike on time,

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_01]: they would blame it all on me.

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Mebetta says,

[00:05:09] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm extremely invested now

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_01]: and I'd love to hear any updates about this situation.

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_01]: It's super weird to be honest

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_01]: and I'm so curious about this dumpster fire.

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I'd definitely cancel though

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_01]: and always get a contract signed to cover yourself in the future.

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Opie says,

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_01]: I was way too forgiving about the contract thing.

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_01]: I sent it to them several times

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_01]: and just figured they were busy with other wedding plans

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_01]: so that's why I put off cancelling for so long.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I was just way too accommodating.

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I posted two updates by the way.

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_01]: So, Opie comes in a few hours later and says update.

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I just sent the bride a text.

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_01]: She never gave me her email

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_01]: and refunded through Venmo.

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sad to see the money go

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_01]: but relieved to not be a part of this fiasco anymore.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Here's the message I sent the bride.

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Hi bride,

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Given my multiple attempts to contact you

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_01]: and the fact that I have not received crucial information about your wedding

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_01]: including the exact location, time and schedule

[00:06:03] [SPEAKER_01]: and we're less than a week out from your wedding date

[00:06:06] [SPEAKER_01]: I unfortunately have to treat this as a de facto cancellation.

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I've been in contact with your photographer

[00:06:12] [SPEAKER_01]: and the information that they have provided me on the wedding

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_01]: does not match what we discussed over the phone.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I've contacted you several times asking for more detail

[00:06:20] [SPEAKER_01]: and have been met with no response.

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_01]: With the lack of information and communication

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_01]: I cannot safely perform my job.

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_01]: I cannot be sure that the information that I have is accurate

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_01]: and so I can no longer attend.

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_01]: I'll be sending you a full refund

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_01]: since this cancellation is so last minute

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_01]: and I wish you the best.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks, Opie.

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks to everyone for the advice.

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_01]: If she ever replies to me

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I'll post another update.

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_01]: So, one hour later

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Opie says update 2.

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_01]: She immediately called me.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Funny, since she's never replied this quickly before

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_01]: and left me a voicemail apologizing

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_01]: and begging for me to reconsider.

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_01]: She said she still hasn't finalized the location

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_01]: but is asking her other vendor tonight.

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_01]: I guess the other vendor is also the wedding planner

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_01]: and has planned everything, sort of.

[00:07:07] [SPEAKER_01]: They offered me more money

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_01]: and sent a call to explain everything over the phone.

[00:07:10] [SPEAKER_01]: They also said they didn't respond to my messages

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_01]: because they've been out of the country.

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_01]: So I gave them a detailed list of everything I would need

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_01]: if I were to reconsider them as a client

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_01]: and said that if we verbally agreed

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_01]: they would have to sign a contract

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_01]: or I would not show up.

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_01]: I also want them to accommodate me for travel fees

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_01]: so if they can call me back by 5pm today

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_01]: with all the details I asked for

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_01]: and an increased payment plan

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to reconsider taking the job.

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I still want the money and the experience

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_01]: so if they can accommodate me I'll do what I can.

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_01]: Steveboe is the top comment on this one who says

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Over in the home improvement sub

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_01]: they always talk about something called the FU price

[00:07:48] [SPEAKER_01]: it's basically when a contractor charges an insane price

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_01]: because they don't want the job.

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_01]: I suggest you charge an FU price on this one.

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Opie says we'll definitely be doing this.

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_01]: A day later, another update.

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Update 3

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_01]: They doubled the amount and paid for a hotel near the venue.

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm morbidly curious to see how this whole thing turns out

[00:08:10] [SPEAKER_01]: so I'm going.

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I sent them a contract that says

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_01]: if I can't find them out there

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm leaving and keeping the payment.

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Also told them that if they don't sign the contract

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_01]: by the day before the wedding

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going and I'm not giving back any of the money

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_01]: which they've already given me.

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_01]: The wedding is taking place by a lake near the hiking trail.

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_01]: They insist we won't be hiking the full 45 minute trail

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_01]: also worked that into the contract.

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_01]: If they make me hike more than 20 minutes with all my stuff

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm stopping right there.

[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_01]: There's going to be a ferry ride across the lake after the ceremony.

[00:08:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Also looked into their other photographer slash wedding planner

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_01]: and they've been plagiarizing all of the work on their website.

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_01]: The photos they show are all square space default photos

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_01]: and photos from other copyright free websites

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_01]: so I won't be surprised if they're completely scammed

[00:08:58] [SPEAKER_01]: and I get to leave anyway.

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_01]: But anyway, I think my butt is covered now.

[00:09:03] [SPEAKER_01]: I'll give updates after the wedding.

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_01]: To the comments were all just like

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_01]: what the hell is going on here

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_01]: they can't wait to see an update etc etc

[00:09:11] [SPEAKER_01]: 5 days later Opie comes in with what they title

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_01]: their final hopefully update

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_01]: and says final hopefully update.

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_01]: As a gesture of goodwill they booked me a hotel.

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_01]: When I looked up directions to the hotel

[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_01]: it was in a town 4 hours away from the venue.

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_01]: They clearly had no idea where anything was in relation to their venue

[00:09:32] [SPEAKER_01]: so obviously I didn't stay there.

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_01]: All the hotels that were near their venue were booked

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_01]: so I ended up driving out to the venue at 2am

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_01]: to get to the wedding at 5am.

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I was the first person there.

[00:09:44] [SPEAKER_01]: The sun was already rising by the way

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_01]: naturally the sun rises at around 3.45pm.

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_01]: They wanted a sunrise wedding

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_01]: but I guess they didn't actually look up what time the sun rises here

[00:09:56] [SPEAKER_01]: and just assumed 5am.

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_01]: The wedding party arrived at 5.30pm

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_01]: We couldn't do anything until the wedding planner slash photographer arrived

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_01]: because no one knew where the actual ceremony was supposed to take place.

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_01]: The planner arrived at 5.45pm.

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_01]: The ceremony was actually really beautiful.

[00:10:15] [SPEAKER_01]: It's too bad the planner stood in front of my tripod the entire time.

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_01]: I got footage on my handheld

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_01]: but it would have been nice to have usable tripod footage.

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_01]: The planner also turned off the mic I had placed to capture the vows.

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know why she thought she could touch my stuff without permission

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_01]: but that was super cool.

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Also weird thing, she kept taking pictures of her feet.

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Like constantly.

[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_01]: I'd be working and she'd be taking another foot pic.

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know man.

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_01]: The bride and groom asked me to follow them to another location for a ferry ride.

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_01]: They told me it would be a 10 minute drive.

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_01]: It was an hour drive.

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I was well within my rights to turn around and quit now.

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Now that I had my contract.

[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_01]: But I was feeling nice and figured

[00:10:58] [SPEAKER_01]: the more time driving, the less time actually spending with these people.

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_01]: We arrive at the ferry

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_01]: which was actually just a little tour boat

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_01]: and the wedding party was astonished to find that they were supposed to make a reservation.

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Their wedding planner had told them not to worry about it

[00:11:14] [SPEAKER_01]: but the boat needed to be reserved weeks in advance.

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_01]: So we ended up going on a hike in the area.

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_01]: It started pouring rain and flooding the trail

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_01]: but the bride and groom kept their wedding clothes on

[00:11:24] [SPEAKER_01]: even through all the mud and water.

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_01]: There was a waterfall at the end of the trail that they tried to climb up.

[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't want to die so I declined to climb the slippery rocks next to the cliff

[00:11:35] [SPEAKER_01]: with tumbling rapids.

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I turned around and drove the 3-4 hours home

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_01]: and crashed for about 24 hours.

[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Hopefully they got home safely too.

[00:11:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Sorry for not updating sooner.

[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_01]: I was horribly exhausted.

[00:11:48] [SPEAKER_01]: The wedding was not as bad as I thought

[00:11:50] [SPEAKER_01]: but if they hadn't paid me more

[00:11:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't have gone.

[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_01]: The couple was really nice

[00:11:55] [SPEAKER_01]: just horrible communicators

[00:11:56] [SPEAKER_01]: and with bad judgement on trusting this photographer

[00:11:59] [SPEAKER_01]: slash wedding planner.

[00:12:00] [SPEAKER_01]: The planner was the true villain in my opinion.

[00:12:04] [SPEAKER_01]: What an absolute shit show.

[00:12:07] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm glad OP did attend the wedding in the end

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_01]: otherwise we wouldn't get this story.

[00:12:12] [SPEAKER_01]: But I can't help but feel a bit sorry for the couple.

[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I know they should have done better themselves etc.

[00:12:18] [SPEAKER_01]: OP got paid in the end.

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_01]: OP did what they did and got themselves out of there.

[00:12:22] [SPEAKER_01]: They got a story to tell from it at the same time.

[00:12:25] [SPEAKER_01]: But this couple just had a nightmare of a wedding by the sounds of it.

[00:12:29] [SPEAKER_01]: And I agree that the planner was the villain of the story.

[00:12:34] [SPEAKER_01]: In my mind I had this

[00:12:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if you've heard of it

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_01]: but like the Willy Wonka Glasgow experience

[00:12:40] [SPEAKER_01]: that was a bit of a meme a few months back.

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Basically everyone was promised

[00:12:44] [SPEAKER_01]: this big Willy Wonka experience in Glasgow.

[00:12:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Everyone was paying tickets, pre-booking etc.

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_01]: There was a website.

[00:12:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Everything looked legit.

[00:12:52] [SPEAKER_01]: They turned up and it was like

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_01]: a massive empty hall with a bouncy castle in the corner.

[00:12:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Someone giving out a sweet each to the kids.

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_01]: It was just an awful experience.

[00:13:03] [SPEAKER_01]: And the staff that were there

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_01]: were horribly embarrassed at the same time as well.

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_01]: There was a lot of memes looking up on Google or YouTube.

[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_01]: But that's all I could picture in my head

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_01]: whilst he was going through this story.

[00:13:14] [SPEAKER_01]: That sort of level of planning you know.

[00:13:16] [SPEAKER_01]: And yes I know that the couple should have been planning better etc.

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_01]: But there's a part of me that feels sorry for them at the same time.

[00:13:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Can I also say a 5am wedding?

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Holy moly my body doesn't stop moving to at least 8am.

[00:13:32] [SPEAKER_01]: And let's not forget about the planner

[00:13:34] [SPEAKER_01]: taking pictures of her own feet for the whole wedding.

[00:13:38] [SPEAKER_01]: What was that about?

[00:13:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Unplugging the sound from the vows.

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_01]: What was going on there?

[00:13:44] [SPEAKER_01]: But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:13:47] [SPEAKER_01]: What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:13:53] [SPEAKER_01]: And let's move on to another story.

[00:14:17] [SPEAKER_00]: More information at sachsenenergie.de

[00:14:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Sachsen Energie, the force that connects us.

[00:14:50] [SPEAKER_01]: As you would expect from the title, my dad, male 56, was adopted at birth.

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_01]: He was raised in eastern Canada and never really searched for his birth parents.

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_01]: The people who raised him are her parents to him and he loves them very much.

[00:15:06] [SPEAKER_01]: They've always been amazing grandparents to my sister, female 19 and I, male 22.

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_01]: All he had from his birth parents was a letter which told him he was born out of love

[00:15:16] [SPEAKER_01]: but they could not support him when he was born.

[00:15:18] [SPEAKER_01]: So when my sister decided to get him a genetic test for Christmas,

[00:15:23] [SPEAKER_01]: it was purely with the intention to find out what ethnicity we all are

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_01]: and the thought of finding his birth parents didn't even cross our minds.

[00:15:30] [SPEAKER_01]: Eventually when we got his results,

[00:15:32] [SPEAKER_01]: we were surprised to find names of two people with perfect genetic matches to my dad.

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_01]: He had the option to reach out to them

[00:15:39] [SPEAKER_01]: so he wrote them each an email and just waited for their responses.

[00:15:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Almost immediately his biological dad, who I'll call Jim, not his real name, responded.

[00:15:50] [SPEAKER_01]: He said how excited and happy he was to have found my dad

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_01]: and how he was looking for him for so long.

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_01]: My dad, who is usually an emotionally reserved man,

[00:15:59] [SPEAKER_01]: was curled up on the couch grinning as he was texting Jim for the first time.

[00:16:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I was still in shock from the news

[00:16:06] [SPEAKER_01]: but was so happy to see my dad even happier than when I graduated uni.

[00:16:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Soon thereafter he also received a message from his biological mum,

[00:16:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Debbie, not her real name.

[00:16:18] [SPEAKER_01]: By talking to them both my dad learned the story of his birth

[00:16:21] [SPEAKER_01]: and I think that is absolutely wild.

[00:16:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Debbie is the daughter of an Australian mining engineer

[00:16:28] [SPEAKER_01]: and they all moved to Canada for his work when she was in high school.

[00:16:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Later on they moved to the Midwest where she met Jim at the age of 17.

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_01]: They were high school sweethearts and were thinking of marriage after they graduated

[00:16:40] [SPEAKER_01]: but then Debbie got pregnant.

[00:16:43] [SPEAKER_01]: This being the 60s this was a huge deal.

[00:16:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Her dad was furious and sent her back to Canada to give birth

[00:16:50] [SPEAKER_01]: and arranged a private adoption as he knew a couple who were trying to have a kid,

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_01]: my grandparents.

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_01]: When she gave birth she was able to let Jim know that she was being sent back to Australia.

[00:17:01] [SPEAKER_01]: They never saw each other again for the next 40 years.

[00:17:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Jim apparently was only able to move on once he received a letter over 5 years later from Debbie

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_01]: saying that she got married.

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Eventually he got married too and they moved to the West Coast

[00:17:17] [SPEAKER_01]: but his wife got in a terrible car crash and lost the use of both legs and one arm

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_01]: so they were never able to have kids.

[00:17:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Debbie had three daughters in Australia,

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_01]: the oldest of which is 7 years younger than my dad.

[00:17:30] [SPEAKER_01]: They saw each other for the first time around 12 years ago

[00:17:33] [SPEAKER_01]: as they reconnected on Facebook and Debbie happened to be taking a trip to the West Coast of America.

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Both Jim and Debbie had always wanted to keep my dad

[00:17:43] [SPEAKER_01]: and so they tried for decades to find him

[00:17:45] [SPEAKER_01]: but my province apparently is one of the hardest places in the world to find adoption information

[00:17:50] [SPEAKER_01]: especially since my dad only received his birth certificate at his baptism

[00:17:55] [SPEAKER_01]: so their names were not on it.

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Jim had essentially given up trying to find my dad until genetic tests became popular.

[00:18:02] [SPEAKER_01]: He asked Debbie to take every single one and he did the same about 5 years ago

[00:18:07] [SPEAKER_01]: in the hopes that one day my dad would take one.

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_01]: When he received my dad's message, he immediately wrote to Debbie,

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I found him.

[00:18:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Since then we have received several calls with Jim and his wife and they are absolutely lovely.

[00:18:22] [SPEAKER_01]: We are the only family since they don't have kids and I couldn't be happier.

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_01]: At the end of the month we will be flying to the West Coast to meet them.

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_01]: It's been harder to talk to Debbie as Australia is so many hours ahead of us

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_01]: but she is also kind and an absolute joy to talk to.

[00:18:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I haven't met my 3 new aunts yet but apparently one lives in London.

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_01]: It's crazy to think that I might have been within a few kilometers of her the few times I visited.

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_01]: I also have 5 new younger cousins.

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_01]: A couple of them are huge fans of Japanese culture

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_01]: so they are ecstatic to hear that they have a half Japanese cousin.

[00:18:54] [SPEAKER_01]: My mom is Japanese Canadian so my sister and I are both half.

[00:18:59] [SPEAKER_01]: We hope to visit them one day in Australia but we might all meet up in Japan next year.

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how to end this, I'm still processing everything.

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_01]: It's absolutely incredible to have my family grow so much but also a little overwhelming.

[00:19:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so happy for my dad, for Jim and for Debbie and I'm so excited to get to know them better.

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I hope to get to meet my new cousins soon too.

[00:19:22] [SPEAKER_01]: I feel so incredibly lucky that this happened, seemingly against all odds.

[00:19:27] [SPEAKER_01]: My dad was initially raised francophone so it's a miracle that they even speak the same language.

[00:19:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Anyways, thank you so much for taking the time to read through this

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_01]: and my apologies for how long this post ended up being.

[00:19:39] [SPEAKER_01]: I might post an update after I meet Jim and his wife.

[00:19:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Hope you all have a wonderful day.

[00:19:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Sponge Jake says to this one

[00:19:47] [SPEAKER_01]: That visual of your dad curled up on the couch grinning as Ellie texts Jim brought tears.

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Congratulations to you, your dad, your family and your new extended family.

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Such joyful news.

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Opie says thank you so much.

[00:20:00] [SPEAKER_01]: I might have been crying a little bit while typing this out.

[00:20:03] [SPEAKER_01]: So Opie came in with her update and said

[00:20:05] [SPEAKER_01]: First of all, thank you so much to everyone who left such kind and heartfelt comments on my first post.

[00:20:11] [SPEAKER_01]: It's incredible hearing all of your stories.

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_01]: For those who were concerned that we would abandon my grandparents that I grew up with,

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_01]: that is most definitely not the case.

[00:20:20] [SPEAKER_01]: They were the people I grew up with and I absolutely love them to bits,

[00:20:24] [SPEAKER_01]: although only my grandmother is still with us.

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_01]: All the incredible times I've had with her growing up are so much more important than blood

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_01]: and I can't comprehend the stories I read where people forget about their adoptive parents

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_01]: or grandparents when they find their biological ones.

[00:20:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I won't recap my previous post here because I'm lazy.

[00:20:40] [SPEAKER_01]: So we just got back from visiting Jim and his wife, who I'll call Mary, not her real name,

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_01]: on the West Coast and it was one of the best experiences of my life.

[00:20:50] [SPEAKER_01]: We spent a week in their city and got to experience so much with them.

[00:20:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Our first time meeting them in person was very emotional and felt very surreal.

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_01]: We spent the whole day looking through my dad and our old photos,

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_01]: basically catching Jim up on everything that he's missed over the past 56 years.

[00:21:07] [SPEAKER_01]: We also got to see so many of his and Mary's old photos too, which was very cool.

[00:21:13] [SPEAKER_01]: We went to a park near their house and on the walk I heard Jim whisper,

[00:21:17] [SPEAKER_01]: my son, with a massive smile across his face.

[00:21:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Throughout the week we explored their city and saw so many cool sights

[00:21:25] [SPEAKER_01]: and tried so much delicious food.

[00:21:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Mary knows her city so well and it was great to see her favorite spots all around the city

[00:21:32] [SPEAKER_01]: from food carts to gardens to museums.

[00:21:36] [SPEAKER_01]: We all went to an incredible Japanese American museum and Jim and Mary absolutely loved it.

[00:21:41] [SPEAKER_01]: They were very keen to learn about the internment during World War II

[00:21:45] [SPEAKER_01]: and said they knew a bit about it before but now it feels so personal.

[00:21:50] [SPEAKER_01]: We went on two hikes with Jim, Mary wasn't able to come because she's in a wheelchair.

[00:21:54] [SPEAKER_01]: It's so cool to have such an active and outdoorsy grandfather who was able to go on such long hikes.

[00:21:59] [SPEAKER_01]: He taught us some foraging tips and told us stories from when he used to camp for years on end.

[00:22:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Both he and Mary are very spiritual so he told us great stories from meditation retreats they've done.

[00:22:11] [SPEAKER_01]: He's even tried psychedelics so he's definitely the cool grandpa.

[00:22:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I won't go into precise details of places we went but it was great exploring such a cool part of the world with amazing people.

[00:22:22] [SPEAKER_01]: We were all very sad when the trip was over and we had to leave.

[00:22:25] [SPEAKER_01]: I gained two new grandparents on this west coast and I couldn't be happier.

[00:22:29] [SPEAKER_01]: They said they gained two grandchildren.

[00:22:32] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so glad they see us as such.

[00:22:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Mary told me her greatest regret in life was not being able to have children and grandchildren but now she does.

[00:22:41] [SPEAKER_01]: This has been such a transformative time in our lives and I think it's incredible

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_01]: just how many people are so much happier now because my sister just happened to get my dad a DNA test.

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_01]: This is just the beginning of our relationship with our new grandparents and I'm so excited.

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Now we have to figure out a way to go Australia to meet Debbie.

[00:22:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Whenever that happens maybe I'll make another update.

[00:23:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Until then, I hope you have a lovely day and thank you so much for taking the time to read our story.

[00:23:09] [SPEAKER_01]: I wonder how many relationships sort of get rekindled or rebuilt because of DNA these days.

[00:23:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I know we've covered a lot of stories in the past where things have gone horribly.

[00:23:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Like Opie said, there's been stories we've covered where they forgot about the people that brought them up

[00:23:24] [SPEAKER_01]: in place of the biological parents and you know it was incredibly sad to see

[00:23:28] [SPEAKER_01]: and I'm glad it's not the case in this story and it's just a beautiful story of a bunch of people coming together

[00:23:34] [SPEAKER_01]: and it just sounded wonderful all around to me and it's just so nice to see.

[00:23:38] [SPEAKER_01]: But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:23:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Have you ever done your own DNA test?

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Was there anything surprising for you?

[00:23:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:23:49] [SPEAKER_01]: And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:23:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:23:56] [SPEAKER_01]: So thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:24:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Take care and much love.

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