I Went Out Of Town Whilst Daughter Was Sick And Her Dad Called Me Selfish For Doing so | Reddit

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark B and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories and if you do love a Reddit Story why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from the Am I The Arsehole subreddit and it says Am I the arsehole for going out of town for a concert while my daughter is sick?

[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_00] Over six months ago I bought tickets to a concert five plus hours away from my city. The concert is tomorrow and I plan to drive down tonight after work and after dropping my daughter off at her dad's. The ticket to my accommodations are already paid for and non-refundable. I've been really excited for this trip since I found out about it. All week my daughter, 10, has been home sick. She has a dry cough,

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_00] slight fever but nothing extreme. And a decreased appetite. I work from home and it's slow season at work so I was able to be by her side all week to take care of her. She's slowly getting better but still not feeling great. I've dated her dad on her condition so he could keep an eye on it. But now he's saying I'm being selfish and I should skip my trip so he doesn't catch whatever she has. We share custody. During the school year I have her during the week so I can stay on top of her schooling,

[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_00] homework, extracurricular activities etc. If I'm not on top of it, he can't be bothered. Her dad picks her up from school on Fridays and has her for the weekend. I pick her up Sunday morning just before noon to take her to horseback riding lessons and the cycle continues. The only exception is the summer which is a lot more hectic but she spends 90% of her summer with me or camping and traveling with my

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_00] side of the family. She first started getting sick last weekend while she was at her dad's so if he was going to catch it, he would have already. He insists I should be keeping her at my house until she's feeling better. I told him I'd be dropping her off tonight after work and he called me a selfish bitch. Am I the yassau? Edit to add since people are asking, the concert is Papa Roach. Edit 2,

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_00] I asked my daughter what she wants to do. Her response? I want to go play Minecraft with Dad. No, she does not witness our arguments. They're always in text. I made it a condition in our custody agreement that everything regarding our daughter is to be discussed in writing. She knows she's loved and that I would never abandon her if she truly needed me. With a mild cold where she is actively getting better, she does not need me specifically.

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_00] This one comes across as pretty simple to me unless I'm missing something here but it's a straightforward not the arsehole. He just seems like he's trying to dodge his parenting responsibilities and because it sounds like the kid was already ill at the dad's house last weekend so he's not really worried about catching something. And the fact that you have to stay on top of her schooling and her activities because he can't be bothered, it was just telling me everything that I needed to know. And then you've got this grown man who's calling his co-parent a selfish bitch

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_00] because he doesn't want to deal with his kid? Come on now. The first commenter said to OP, not the arsehole, I can see why you're a divorced. OP says never married thankfully. I saw his true colors before we got to that point. A commenter who was downvoted says, how many nights will you be gone? If more than one, can you cut the trip a bit short and return early? Do you have a kind sister, mum or other relative who could care for your child while you're away? You certainly deserve a break but also thinking of

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_00] your daughter who will be feeling she is a burden to both parents when she is ill. Will your ex prepare her meals and give her meds? Has she been seen by her pediatrician to see if she has COVID or flu or perhaps pneumonia? Knowing what ails her might make your ex look at this differently. Let your mama heart guide you in this difficult decision. OP says, I'm leaving tonight after dinner and returning home Sunday morning. I don't have other

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_00] family near me that can watch her unfortunately. The family she sees in the summer snowbird down south as soon as the snow hits. No charge says info. Is there a reason why him getting sick would be horrible? Is he the caregiver for an elderly immunocompromised person or is he just arguing that your health is less important than his? Barring a yes to that, clearly not the arsehole. He just wants to be an absent father. You share custody. That doesn't mean if it involves work

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_00] or is hard, she goes to mums. OP says he is not, nor does he care for anyone immunocompromised. The worst impact this could have is that he works at McDonald's and handles other people's food, but he doesn't work during his custody days. Alex says, he just wants a free weekend. I tell him that explicitly since she got sick while with him. Also, why are you telling him your weekend plans? He doesn't need to know what you're doing and if he needs to reach you, he can use the app or phone.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_00] I wouldn't have told your daughter either. Tell her when you return and tell her all about it. When I divorced, I told my ex exactly nothing about my life, why the kids were with him. He always asked. OP replies saying I didn't actually tell him I was going to a concert. I warned him I'd be out of town only because the 401 traffic can be unpredictable if there's bad weather or a bad accident and I just wanted him to have a heads up in case traffic made me late for pickup. I did tell my daughter I was going because I initially asked her if she wanted to come too.

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_00] Yes, she's a fan of Papa Roach as well. She declined but asked me to pick her up a tote bag from the merch shop. She is the one who told her dad I was going to a concert because she was excited about a promised tote bag. Lol. Commodore says not the arsehole. I don't think he likes his daughter much. Does she play Minecraft with daddy or she plays while daddy watches TV? OP says, from what she told me they do play together. He just likes being the fun parent while I do most of the heavy lifting. Physically, emotionally

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_00] and financially. So OP does come in with her update and says Friday after work I dropped my daughter off at her dad's as planned. He answered the door with a smile and hugged our daughter. As soon as she wasn't looking he gave me a death glare. If looks could kill I'd be six foot under. Before I left I asked him to update me on her condition in the morning so if I needed to I could reschedule her writing lesson. I was very specific that it needed to be before noon, 24 hours notice or that I would be out the

[00:06:30] [SPEAKER_00] cash for the missed lesson. I tried calling on Saturday morning to check in but he wouldn't pick up. Around 5pm I got a text saying reschedule the lesson. I went to the concert and enjoyed the show. Yes, I wore a mask. Near the end, Jacoby, pronunciation of course, started walking through the crowd, climbing up and down the seats giving fans hugs. Thrashing in the mosh pit. He came right up to me and my dumb ass was just frozen in shock. What the hell is wrong with me? I picked

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_00] her up Sunday morning and when I gave her the tote bag her face lit up like a Christmas tree. Context for those that didn't see my comment. When I bought my ticket I asked my daughter if she wanted to go to. She likes songs like Come Around, Born for Greatness, Renegade Music, Leave a Light On. Her response? I like him but not that much. So I asked if she wanted a t-shirt or something. She said, not a t-shirt but I'll take a tote bag. After getting home I find out she didn't

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_00] spend time at her dad's at all. Shortly after I dropped her off he had his mom come pick her up. She only got back to her dad's about an hour before I picked her back up. She said she still had fun watching tv and playing board games but she would prefer to play Minecraft. She's still coughing a bit but she's got her energy and appetite back and her fever broke before I left. After dinner we spent the evening playing crib. Thank you to everyone who showed support and gave genuine constructive

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_00] advice. I did not expect my post to blow up like it did. To everyone who had fun roasting my taste in music, thank you for the much needed laughs. If you would like to continue doing so I will post a comment of some of the other artists I listened to on my long drive. I think a few people made some wild assumptions by projecting their own trauma to my situation. To those people, I hope you find peace. OP replied to her comments saying right now she still enjoys going to her dad's. They play

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_00] video games together and they go to Beyblade tournaments. She's always so proud when she wins versus the adults. But I wouldn't be surprised if she changes her mind down the road. The choice will always be hers to make. The tax girl says your ex is an asshole. You should for sure document what happened this weekend. Also I hope you have your daughter one whole weekend a month so you can have fun time with her. That doesn't have to wait until summer. Too often I see responsible parents end up

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_00] the not fun house because you do school work and that's about it. OP says it's not in the agreement. But I do plan things on the weekend for us to do together. Comic con, amusement parks, Broadway shows, etc. Her dad has never refused to give up his weekend when I do. Comed says if we assume ex and the daughter were both teenage pregnancies then the grandmother should be in her 40s. More likely she's 50 to 60. OP says I got pregnant my senior year of high school,

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_00] his freshman year of college and gave birth very shortly after graduation. Both our mums are in their early 50s. Holly says end quotes we spent the evening playing crib. Comed says are you talking about cribbage? If so that's awesome. I've never met anyone under 40 who plays cribbage. OP says yes I'm talking about cribbage. My grandparents taught me as soon as I could count and I did the same with my daughter. She skunks me more often than I like to admit and no I don't let her win. We play a lot

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_00] of different card games but crib and wizard are her faves. OP then did add a whole list of songs that she likes. I'm not going to cover them all because we'll be here forever. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from the am I the arsehole

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_00] here subreddit and says am I the arsehole here for refusing to cover up in front of my roommates. Throw away because my roommates have my other account. I 21 female live with two male roommates. I get it is kind of a weird dynamic for most people but it works for us. We've been living together before both of them got girlfriends. Also I've had a boyfriend for four years who is good

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_00] friends with my roommates. I never had issues with their girlfriends even though they are at my place at least five days a week. But they mostly keep to their boyfriend's rooms and they are truly nice people so it doesn't really bother me that much. The problem started about five months after we had been living together. I guess at some point both of their girlfriends got together to discuss what I'd been wearing around the apartment. They confronted me without my roommates one afternoon saying they

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_00] would prefer I cover up when I leave my room because it makes everyone in the house really uncomfortable. I asked them to explain what I am wearing that makes them uncomfortable to which they responded that they have yet to see me in an appropriate outfit. Now valid concerns for the most part but let me give you some more context. I never wear anything inappropriate out of my room. I get changed in the bathroom after showers and I'm always fully covered when I leave my room.

[00:11:29] [SPEAKER_00] I wear baggy t-shirts and hoodies with sweatpants 90% of the time. The most scandalous thing I have worn is a tank top and shorts. Not see-through at all and with a bra if that matters. My shorts cover my ass completely and go to about mid-thigh by the way. All of this to say my outfits would pass a high school dress code. Not to hype myself up but I am blessed with a fat ass. Which I genuinely think

[00:11:55] [SPEAKER_00] is the biggest problem. The first time they brought it up I made a point of only wearing sweatpants out of my room. Not shorts. However they brought it up again. They said I thought we've talked about your outfits. It makes us really uncomfortable. How would your boyfriend feel about you dressing like this in front of other men? This is where I was confused. I explained that I thought I was being respectful and more considerate of their wishes despite this being my apartment. They said I was

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_00] not a true girl's girl and that I was just waiting to snatch their boyfriends. I replied with it is not my fault you guys are insecure about your relationships. Have done more than enough to make sure you guys are comfortable in my home. Your boyfriends have said nothing to me so I think you're being over dramatic. This is my apartment. You guys aren't on the lease. You are already here significantly more than what is allowed according to our lease. So I would tread lightly about making demands about how I can dress

[00:12:52] [SPEAKER_00] in my apartment. They both said that I was full of myself and that their boyfriends would not sign a lease with me again. Funny though. After I talked to their boyfriends alone they had no idea what had happened and they still planned to re-sign the lease with me. I think this is crazy that they felt the need to gang up on me and try to dictate what I can wear in my own home. I would understand if I was dressing a little scandalous but I truly am not. How do I navigate this situation and am I the arsehole?

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_00] Edit since way more people saw it than I thought would and this is easier than answering comments. First my roommates are angels and since I introduced them they have become really close to my boyfriend who does not live with us by the way. I know that seems weird but this is just how things work out. So no I'm not looking for new roommates. As for my roommates apparently not re-signing the lease with me according to their girlfriends. My roommates had no idea why their girlfriends would say that

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_00] and we are literally in the process of re-signing the lease now. My girlfriends have not been over since the last conversation I had with them. So about five days. Which is very abnormal for them. According to one of my roommates I scared his girlfriend a little after they confronted me. So I guess me standing up for myself and not caving into their delusions scared them a little bit. So I have yet to have another interaction with them but apparently they are both coming over tonight.

[00:14:16] [SPEAKER_00] People wondering about what the girlfriends wear. Significantly less clothing than I do that's for sure. But they are basically supermodel thin. So societally it is more acceptable for them to dress less modestly. Not that I agree but society is messed up. Okay so here is the how the conversation with my roommates went yesterday. I asked them if they were re-signing the lease and they said yes. They also did not know that their girlfriends talked to me instead of talking to them.

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_00] I asked if they had problems with how I dress around the house to which they replied. You look homeless. Thanks. That is our humor. I mentioned how much their girlfriends were at our apartment. For context our rent includes everything except for wi-fi. So them being here doesn't make it more expensive for me. I said that I don't mind them being here that much since they usually keep to themselves but I draw the line at making me feel uncomfortable in my own home. I also told them

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_00] that if their girlfriends confront me about a problem with our roommates present I would not hesitate to ask them to leave. My roommates were great about it and had no issues with anything I said. They're planning on talking to their girlfriends. Let me know if you want an update about how the girlfriends interact with next time I see them. Not sure when I will see them next though. Now I think this is just a simple matter of this is your home. You dress how you like in your house

[00:15:36] [SPEAKER_00] and it just sounds like you're dressed in normal outfits that anyone would wear. It just sounds like a whole lot of insecurity to me but JRM says not the arsehole. Your roommate to them summed it up perfectly. Just ignore them from now on and if they continue this bs tell your roommates. Opie says I did talk to my roommates and they were really confused and had no idea girlfriends talked to me about it. Kronk says quoting I wear baggy t-shirts etc and says not the arsehole. Even if you were wearing

[00:16:04] [SPEAKER_00] booty shorts and sports bras all day every day you'd still not be the arsehole as it's your home too. They can get over themselves. Opie says I personally think I've been more than respectful and you're right. I should be able to wear whatever I want in my own home regardless of what it is. Kott says I live near one of the big state schools. The only rule I'd go with is would it be unusual for someone walking around this campus? By that standard everything you described is actually

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_00] fairly modest. The situation may not work as well as it used to but not the arsehole. Opie says I dress very comfortable at home. I can't imagine what they would think about my outfits to the gym or class. God forbid. Joe Thrilling says I'm just wondering what they're expecting you to wear. Opie says great question. I think a nun costume might fix their concerns. So it was two days after this that Opie did update the post and says so the girlfriends came back

[00:17:00] [SPEAKER_00] yesterday and we had a house meeting. Some clarifying information. I got comments about the timeline in the post being fake. The last incident where the girlfriends confronted me was a week ago at this point. The conversation I had with my roommates was three days ago. I made the post because I knew girlfriends would be coming back soon so I wanted some advice. Also it is very normal for the girlfriends to be at the apartment when the roommates are not which is why my roommates did

[00:17:25] [SPEAKER_00] not know they talked to me until I told them. And I in no way was trying to say the girlfriends were not attractive or too thin. I was simply trying to point out that me being more curvy, I'm a size 8 and pretty short, rather than zero and taller like them, could make outfits seem more inappropriate even though they aren't. I will not be posting or sending photos of myself. Stop asking. You're all weird and I suggest you go to a special website to deal with that. Okay, on to the main part.

[00:17:54] [SPEAKER_00] One of the girlfriends came over first for simplicity. Let's call her Maya. She approached me when I was in the kitchen cooking and said she wanted to talk about the whole situation. I politely said that this is a conversation that needs to happen when her boyfriend is here so we can wait until he's home. She was a little confused but just ended up going to his room. I then messaged my roommate group chat and asked for the five of us to have a chat later once everyone is here, which my roommate said

[00:18:19] [SPEAKER_00] sounds good. I heard them all come home and at some point the other girlfriend, we will call her Sarah, came over but I'm not sure when. So, I went to the living room wearing my XL Grinch onesie. Don't worry, it covered my ankle so there was no way I could be dressing provocatively. The girlfriends not so much. We all sat down for a conversation. It was very awkward. I started off by saying that it's

[00:18:44] [SPEAKER_00] not fair for anyone to dictate what goes on in our apartment if they are not paying rent. I explained that if Maya or Sarah had an issue with me. I would appreciate that my roommates bring it up to me and that there should not be a confrontation between me and the girlfriends. My roommates backed me up and said they thought this was fair and they apologized for their girlfriends. Not necessary but nice gesture. Both girlfriends stayed silent the entire time but Sarah rolled her eyes every time I talked.

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_00] I addressed Sarah and asked if there was anything she would like to talk about, to which she just went off on me, saying I'm too controlling about cleaning and buying things for the apartment, which has nothing to do with her, and that I prance around on my high horse in skimpy clothes. I asked her what I could possibly be wearing that is skimpy and she said you walk around with everything on display. Her boyfriend stepped in and said he disagreed and that they have never seen me in anything inappropriate so she shouldn't have a

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_00] problem. She got really offended and said that he was an ass for defending me and not her. I told her she was free to leave if she has issues with her home or the people in it. She stormed off into his room and started packing her things up. As for Maya, she just broke down crying saying she didn't mean to upset me and that Sarah brought up the issue to her to confront me. She said she didn't really care about what I was wearing and didn't really see any problems with it but Sarah got it into her head.

[00:20:05] [SPEAKER_00] Maya was overall not an issue from the start. Sarah did most of the confronting and Maya just backed her up with some nods but didn't really add to the conversations. I told her that she should have had more of a backbone with Sarah and stood up for me rather than helping Sarah confront me if she didn't see a problem. She said she wanted to work on our relationship and was hoping we could become friends despite all of this. Not sure where I stand on that but I guess it's the thought that counts.

[00:20:32] [SPEAKER_00] Sarah and my roommate had a huge argument that lasted an hour and she left the apartment completely with all her stuff. I asked my roommate what was going on and he said he thinks things are over with Sarah but nothing official yet. Anyways, not sure if that's how you thought it would go down. Overall, I feel much better about the situation and I'm hoping I don't have to deal with Sarah again. Thanks for the support and the advice. Commander says not the arsehole. Sarah would have been jealous of any woman.

[00:21:00] [SPEAKER_00] Her roommate really eventually knows he dodged a bullet. Kelsway says ditto. If you weren't there, she'd have done all this to Maya. Janus says tell Maya the ship has sailed on you two being friends. Tell her aiming for civil is the best she can expect after everything. Honestly, how fucking ridiculous. Confronting someone about what they do in their own home one day and say you want to be friends the next. Fuck off. She's a two-faced bitch and for fuck's sake you really need a new house rule which is perfectly normal in most

[00:21:29] [SPEAKER_00] houses. No girlfriends or boyfriends in the house if their partner is not in the house. Obi says agreed. Ben Reeson says not the arsehole. Why are the girlfriends there if the boyfriends aren't? Obi says never really discussed any house rules about it until recently. My boyfriend is only over when I am home. That just seems like common sense to me. But my roommates have invited my boyfriend over when I wasn't there but I think that is completely different because at that point

[00:21:56] [SPEAKER_00] he is my roommate's guest. And one more comment who says probably time to have that conversation now while they're all on your side. So something like this won't happen again with future roommate girlfriends. Obi says already did. We'll see how things go in the new year. I find that wild that they were just turning up to the apartment assuming letting themselves in and just wandering around someone else's house when they're paying no rent in the place. The absolute cheeky so-and-sos.

[00:22:23] [SPEAKER_00] But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today. Get involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.