I Weaponized My Husbands Childhood Drama In An Argument r/Relationships

[00:00:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, what's all going on? I do have your well and my name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider

[00:00:12] [SPEAKER_01]: And I like subscribe maybe that notification bell too unless crack on with today's first story

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Much love guys now today's first story comes from I am future disciple from the M.I.D.R.S or here subreddit and says I hurt my husband in an argument and he won't talk to me now

[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_01]: How do I fix this?

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_01]: It starts my husband 32 male and I 31 female have been together for seven years and married for five

[00:00:41] [SPEAKER_01]: We have a three and a half son at one year daughter

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_01]: His parents passed away when he was 20 but described it shortly

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_01]: He despises his father to this day

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_01]: His father ruined his promising athletic future

[00:00:54] [SPEAKER_01]: He was once ranked in the top 10 nationally at his sport and forced him to focus on school

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_01]: My husband was accepted to multiple Ivy League schools and his father refused to pay tuition as well

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_01]: His father was a control freak

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Is it leabusive towards him and refuse to entertain any opposing opinions?

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_01]: My husband vowed to himself to never be like his father and to always encourages future kids interests and opportunities

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_01]: It's always been an amazing husband for me and our kids

[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_01]: He makes spending time with us a priority keeps our relationship fun and exciting and just always makes me feel beautiful and appreciated

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_01]: We've been going through a bit of a rough patch for a few weeks, and we were arguing about something that wasn't even worth arguing about in hindsight

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_01]: He said that he was done arguing and walked away mid-conversation

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_01]: I blurted out you would just like your father

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_01]: As soon as I said that I immediately tried apologizing and ran to him and tried to hug him

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_01]: He refused my hug looked at me shook his head and walked out the door

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_01]: A whole day passed and I hadn't seen or heard from him

[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_01]: I called text and left many voicemails apologizing and asking him to please come home

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I reached out to his friends and they had not heard from him either

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_01]: He walked in drunk at 4 a.m. the next night collapsed on our couch

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_01]: I hadn't come in and ran downstairs to see him

[00:02:21] [SPEAKER_01]: He was slurring his words and was saying things like I'm not like him, and why would you say that?

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_01]: I just held him in my arms all night long and apologize many times

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_01]: It's been another two days and my husband refuses to talk or look at me

[00:02:36] [SPEAKER_01]: He's not even eating anything I make

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_01]: I've tried talking to him in apologizing. He just looks at me and says it's just another thing I have to live with

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_01]: And walks away from wherever I am

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I have no idea how to fix this. I didn't mean to hurt him, but the fact he feels betrayed by the one person

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_01]: He should feel supported and uplifted by me

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Is absolutely the love of my life and it hurts me knowing that I caused him to feel this pain

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_01]: These advice what I can do or say to fix this

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Now, I'm trying to find a reason why you would actually use those words against him

[00:03:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Your first paragraph, but nothing but praise him and told us about how he's nothing like his bio dad and how he was abusive towards him to compare him

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_01]: To say you're just like your father

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Must have been devastating for him. He done everything not to be like that man

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Be a good husband, fantastic dad and you hurt him in the lowest way possible

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not sure what you can do apart from just letting him have his space in

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Gather his thoughts about all's counseling possibly a

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Say space where he can talk about the pain you've just caused him although really you already know

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_01]: But it really did feel like you did try to cause him pain. Why would you say that otherwise?

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Tiffuente says great in order to win a stupid argument

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_01]: You had to give him a low blow using what was a thing you only confided to a person he truly trusted and loved by what it

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Works a win a fucking argument you must be proud yourself

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_01]: It will really be worth it in the long run. You'll see your the asshole

[00:04:20] [SPEAKER_01]: No, for prime says all the way through reading this I was praying you wouldn't say those words

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I honestly thought you weren't that stupid

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_01]: You were and are

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm beyond disgusted so I can only imagine how he feels

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_01]: It took his deepest trauma and wielded against him in a petty argument achieving maximum damage

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Congratulations for re-traumatizing an abuse victim. You're the asshole. This isn't even a question

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Judging A whole's reply Sans says yes 100% this feels so sorry for him

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_01]: You're the asshole, and I'm calling on OPs absolute bullshit and quotes

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't mean to hurt him but the fact he feels betrayed by the one person he should feel supported and uplifted by

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_01]: me

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Then says so what exactly was you're just like your father supposed to achieve other than hurting him?

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_01]: How he said I would you have said that and how else was he supposed to feel other than betrayal to the person that

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to use another users wording here. We all did his deepest trauma against him

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Space Jesus is here says damn I wasn't ready to read that my bow dad was a piece of trash

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Out of what ended a six year relationship for me was my girlfriend saying to me

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_01]: What you said to your husband I didn't end things because I was angry I ended it because for the next six months

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_01]: I tried to make it work. I couldn't think about anything other than that she really think I'm like him

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I just couldn't trust what she thought of me anymore

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Any small disagreement we had made me worry should say it again

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if it's fixable, but I guess here's what I learned from the situation

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't want an apology and needed to believe that she didn't mean it not even a little

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Couldn't be with someone who saw me like that or could say that to me

[00:06:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Just broke my trust and we couldn't fix it

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_01]: He needs to believe deep down that you didn't mean it

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_01]: He also needs to understand why you said it and why he can trust you won't say it next time

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how you do that, but I wish you luck if you have any questions

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm happy to answer them also yes, you're the arson

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_01]: One more comment from unicorn queen fair who says you're the arson

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_01]: You did mean to hurt him. That's what you said what you said

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_01]: They first thing you need to do is come to terms with that to try and heal from that place

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_01]: If you can't be honest with why you said it and any apology will be coming from a place of dishonesty

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Second is while his reaction is valid is level of feeling defeated is telling me one thing

[00:06:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Isn't the first time he has felt this way with you not to this level of hurt sure but clearly is been working very hard to break

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Cycle and rise above and you're not what appreciating his attempts asking for more being dismissive

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_01]: What are you not telling us? I has been an eye on both breaking cycles of our own and they are both

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Vicious when it comes to how we argue and we both have said things to hurt to the bone

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_01]: But we always come back because we both know everything else is and the work we do is appreciate it

[00:07:21] [SPEAKER_01]: What have you done to break him down to this being the reason he's defeated?

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_01]: So I hope you came in with our updates as I got some comments and some messages

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Trashing my husband for walking away from the argument that started all of this and saying he is like his father

[00:07:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to say what the argument was about here, but it was pointless and walking away from it was the mature thing to do

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Is the best husband and father anyone could ask for

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Even when he wasn't talking to me, he was still spending time with and taking care of the kids

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Think whatever you want of me. I deserve it but leave him out of it

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Onto the actual update

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_01]: My husband came home after work the next day and brought take out for dinner

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_01]: We had dinner as a family for the first time in a few days and put the kids to bed together

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I asked if we could talk

[00:08:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I apologize and admitted that I was tired of all the arguments we were having lately and in the heat of the moment

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I wanted to hurt him and said what would hurt the most

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_01]: He said that he knows he is nothing like his father and why I thought he was

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_01]: I promised I don't believe that at all and told him all the great things he does for me and that children

[00:08:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I told him that I would see a therapist to figure out what made me say what I did and to make sure it never happened again

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_01]: The conversation lasted about an hour and a half and ended with him telling me that would take some time

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_01]: But who would be okay as long as I never compared into his father again

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_01]: We kissed and slept together for the first time since the incident

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_01]: In the next few days, there was still a certain coldness about him

[00:08:54] [SPEAKER_01]: He was still happy to spend time with the kids but was still somewhat cold with me

[00:08:58] [SPEAKER_01]: I wrote him a letter telling him how much I loved and appreciated him and promised to never hurt him again

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I slipped into his lunch bag

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_01]: He came home with flowers for me that day

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I normal vibe is somewhat returned and it looks like we'll be good going forward

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_01]: And the general vibe of the comments in the update

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_01]: A comment from Fragrance Bray said just so you understand you can sweep this under the rug

[00:09:22] [SPEAKER_01]: But it never actually goes away

[00:09:24] [SPEAKER_01]: The thing that hurts in the most was the idea you might actually believe

[00:09:27] [SPEAKER_01]: He's like his father

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_01]: He's willing to ignore it for now but he's never going to forget it

[00:09:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Your current apology is at least trying to address those concerns

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_01]: The second issue is that even if he eventually comes to accept that you don't believe he's anything like his father

[00:09:41] [SPEAKER_01]: Or see left with the noise that you will say anything in an argument just to win

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Even worse than that, who will take the insecurities he shared with you and weaponize them against him

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Which sounds like exactly what happened here

[00:09:54] [SPEAKER_01]: When women complain that men don't want to be vulnerable

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_01]: This is exactly why

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_01]: When guys learn that sharing their issues is largely just providing ammunition for your partner to attack you with later

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_01]: There was a few comments similar to that as well other people just telling OP you know

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_01]: You deserve the yor they are souls in the first post and hopefully you continue to improve your behavior

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe go to therapy but never go down that path again

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_01]: And that she puts in the work to improve that and you know make her husband feel safe again

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_01]: But now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Dictuation

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_01]: What would you do if you was a partner and you know your partner hurt you in this way?

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_01]: Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Can't do that. Do best morgens in Eilert sees schnell dine leapling shirt and snaps the

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Einkaffee and suck

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Eink flick

[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Keine panic per seel disc threatened the attack

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Medira craft for informal besides digging themselves the hardneckysten flen

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_00]: For tiefen reine a vishre

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00]: einfach the disc in the trommel verfen underrest that's mach dine vashmaschine

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_00]: while do immer dine bestas keepsed

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Probier yet the best and discs from pezier also Reichweite von Kindern off bevan

[00:11:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Now our next story comes from the M.I.The Arsol subreddit and says M.I. The Arsol

[00:11:26] [SPEAKER_01]: for not given my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for a high school graduation and both my biological children got one

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I 49 female have three children

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_01]: 22 female, 19 male and 18 female

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_01]: My oldest and my biological children from a previous marriage in my youngest I became a mother to at the age of two

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_01]: when I married her widow to father

[00:11:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Keis only ever called me mum and officially adopted her at the age of 12

[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Now on today is she with a stuffed animals

[00:11:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Years and years ago when I was only 20 and in college I worked at a children's museum

[00:12:01] [SPEAKER_01]: I had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future kids first

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_01]: stuffed animals whenever they were born

[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I'd gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special with me growing up

[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Now my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_01]: that they bought way back when and kept for me all these years

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_01]: I found this so special and wanted to do something similar

[00:12:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I bought six stuffed animals from the museum gift shop

[00:12:30] [SPEAKER_01]: free to be given up birth and three duplicers

[00:12:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I had no idea at the time how many kids I would have but I knew I wasn't planning on having more than three

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_01]: so I didn't get any more

[00:12:41] [SPEAKER_01]: My first order received the stuffed animal I selected for her well pregnant

[00:12:45] [SPEAKER_01]: And between her birth and the birth of my son in miscarried

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Experience was deeply traumatic for me

[00:12:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Especially I miscarried in my second trimester

[00:12:55] [SPEAKER_01]: And I buried my baby with a stuffed animal they would have gotten

[00:12:58] [SPEAKER_01]: I kept the duplicate to for comfort the cuddle and hold

[00:13:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Finally my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals

[00:13:06] [SPEAKER_01]: I had set aside so many years ago

[00:13:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Now here's where I may be the arseau

[00:13:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Both my daughter and son's high school graduations

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I surprised them with the duplicers for them to take to college with them

[00:13:18] [SPEAKER_01]: and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Those were very moved by this and the both original and duplicate to school with them

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_01]: My youngest however never received the stuffed animal

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_01]: So when a graduation celebration rolled along

[00:13:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I had no duplicate to give her

[00:13:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I watched her unpack all her gifts and the face fell

[00:13:39] [SPEAKER_01]: And she got to a last one and realized

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_01]: She didn't really say anything

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Just got the super sad look on her face and excused herself to her room

[00:13:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I followed to ask what was wrong but she said she didn't want to talk to me

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_01]: But her father went instead

[00:13:53] [SPEAKER_01]: According to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as a sibling

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_01]: And as much as a part of the family in wrapping of a sibling stuff animals were very emotional events

[00:14:04] [SPEAKER_01]: And she had the expectation that she'd be getting the same

[00:14:07] [SPEAKER_01]: In hindsight I could have easily done something similar for her whenever I first came into a life

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Even if it wouldn't have been from the museum

[00:14:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I just didn't think of it

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_01]: It'd been called to me this entire last week and I feel so terrible

[00:14:22] [SPEAKER_01]: I've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us make a men but she turned me down

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_01]: I

[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_01]: be our saw

[00:14:30] [SPEAKER_01]: So in the comments

[00:14:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Mrs. Adams says yor they are so nothing quite says you're not like my other kids like leaving a rat of a family tradition when her turned came

[00:14:40] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuff down and more for your own

[00:14:45] [SPEAKER_01]: However the tradition just started with her when she joined your family at age two

[00:14:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Or when you formally adopted her

[00:14:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Smarter's mouth says yor they are so your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go out and buy two stuff animals for your doctor

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Queen Kesha says right and 16 years and after giving two of the bears away she didn't once think hey

[00:15:08] [SPEAKER_01]: What about the youngest? Smarter's replies again saying right

[00:15:12] [SPEAKER_01]: She liked the daughters dad enough to marry him but didn't think that would be a good idea to give the two-year-old a

[00:15:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Stuffy at the wedding

[00:15:19] [SPEAKER_01]: OP came in and said the votes are in and I am definitely the arse or many of you were suggesting that I get a

[00:15:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Rostafi that reminds me of her and maybe together too so she can continue to tradition with a future kid

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_01]: I think what I will do is gift her the duplicate my parents gifted me

[00:15:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Of my special plush bear I received a birth which is one of my most treasured possessions and deeply meaningful to me

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you all for the advice it is genuinely appreciated

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_01]: OP updated the post six days later and says long story short my daughter found my reddit post and

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Came to me into here as a polarizing for a reaction

[00:15:55] [SPEAKER_01]: This was not my expectation now assured I shed nothing to a polargeist for as I had been in the wrong

[00:16:02] [SPEAKER_01]: We're a long discussion about the situation after feelings and how to move forward from this

[00:16:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Although I know she has still hurt we're on our way to making a men's

[00:16:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Long story long, what even happened?

[00:16:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I've now discovered my daughter loves browsing amy the arse or

[00:16:18] [SPEAKER_01]: She stumbled on my post after reading it this entirety as well as a good chunk of the comments all mine and many left by other

[00:16:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Redditus she came to me in tears of polarjays and for a reaction

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_01]: She sobbed in my arms that he didn't want this be the end of our relationship and that she was sorry

[00:16:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I wanted to enjoy this last summer together

[00:16:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I held her an asshoda that she had nothing to apologise for

[00:16:41] [SPEAKER_01]: The apologise myself I did shed a little tear I tried to keep my emotions in check because I did not want the burden of

[00:16:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Confiting me to be on her

[00:16:49] [SPEAKER_01]: What followed was a productive but incredibly emotional vulnerable conversation?

[00:16:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Did he tell the witch I will not disclose entirely

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_01]: He'd been going through a rough time and my impression I could be wrong is that the lack of a

[00:17:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Stuffy at graduation was a catalyst for bigger emotions

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_01]: She had taken me up on my offer to take her to dinner

[00:17:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Now but the reservation at a nice restaurant she'd been wanting to go to for a while and last night

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_01]: We cooked their favorite dinner together which gave us an opportunity to smooth things over somewhat

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_01]: We've not yet broached the subject of me intended to get in my own plush

[00:17:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Except for very briefly

[00:17:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Chances did I didn't have to and seemed to feel a lot of guilt by still planning to

[00:17:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I just feel it we best to wait until things have cooled down

[00:17:34] [SPEAKER_01]: If she truly doesn't feel comfortable taking it the plan on getting a bear of a similar look to be

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_01]: It's little brother-furter take care of

[00:17:41] [SPEAKER_01]: That's the update. Obviously things have not magically mended overnight

[00:17:45] [SPEAKER_01]: But we are finally on track to a resolution

[00:17:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Many thanks to all that left advice and please check the comments below for clarification on many questions

[00:17:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Asked before passing any judgments

[00:17:55] [SPEAKER_01]: A far exceeded the allowed word limit and instead paced much of what I intended to say here below

[00:18:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Around in circle comments and that one said red your first post in this one and I feel it from both sides

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I wife and I recently adopted a bionic 13 year old this week and she welcomes us as dad and mom

[00:18:14] [SPEAKER_01]: But we've run into a number of times where the kids will pull out something

[00:18:18] [SPEAKER_01]: From a trip we went on or an activity we did et cetera

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_01]: He is before she was ever in our lives and she'd go why didn't you have one of those for me?

[00:18:26] [SPEAKER_01]: It's really hard

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Some of these things are simply impossible for us to get and slash all would cost a thousand of dollars

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_01]: When we already spent 30 plus k on custody and adoption lawyers in court fees

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_01]: She also didn't even bring anything with her when we picked it up

[00:18:42] [SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't even allowed to bring a change of underwear

[00:18:44] [SPEAKER_01]: It's been something that we've had to deal with in counseling that a life with us didn't start until she was almost 12

[00:18:50] [SPEAKER_01]: And we have to begin fresh from there

[00:18:53] [SPEAKER_01]: We cannot turn back the clock and give her back her entire childhood she missed

[00:18:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Like when we went camping for the first time with her and we're getting things out to visually see what we needed to get from the store

[00:19:03] [SPEAKER_01]: And we pulled out the kids sleeping bag she and she was like where is mine?

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_01]: And the fact that we didn't already have one

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Erta

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Glamma Hamster says and that doesn't make you an asshole

[00:19:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know and we'll call you one

[00:19:16] [SPEAKER_01]: situations change and you're not always able to make up for it

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Hope he didn't do this to her to daughter

[00:19:22] [SPEAKER_01]: That's weird people are painting it that way

[00:19:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Hope things are going well with you all in therapy and your family is making great strides together

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_01]: The OP left a comment as well and says when I initially posted to a my VR store

[00:19:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I was prepared to face judgment and open to constructive criticism

[00:19:40] [SPEAKER_01]: However, while I did receive many constructive comments which I truly appreciate

[00:19:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I received many more that were hateful and unconstructive

[00:19:49] [SPEAKER_01]: And I will admit I did get defensive

[00:19:51] [SPEAKER_01]: The attitude I took on in the comments is not when I brought into my interactions with my daughter

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Please understand that I did not throw in her face all the kind things I feel I've done for over the years

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_01]: But was rather attempted to contextualize our relationship with strangers who's never met us

[00:20:07] [SPEAKER_01]: And before passing any further judgment in the comments

[00:20:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Please check below for answers to a lot of your questions

[00:20:12] [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of the questions asked in the original thread

[00:20:15] [SPEAKER_01]: While there were a few questions I did not adopt her until 10 years after I came into her life

[00:20:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Because I have a sort of force myself on her as a mother and waited until she could give me explicit consent to adopt her

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_01]: I did I never buy her any stuffed animals

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I did I bought her many when I first met her as well as one for her official adoption day

[00:20:36] [SPEAKER_01]: And every adoption day celebration since

[00:20:39] [SPEAKER_01]: I did technically give to a stuffed animal for a graduation too

[00:20:43] [SPEAKER_01]: It was just a plush of a college's mascot rather than a duplicate of a treasured plush from a childhood

[00:20:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Though I did I not buy her a duplicate at any point ever last 16 years

[00:20:53] [SPEAKER_01]: I did not think too until my oldest graduated and received hers by which point I mistakenly

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Out the significance would be lost

[00:21:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Both my biochids received stuffy safe for them for decades

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Where is she would have received one safe for only four years?

[00:21:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Is that I try to honour her in other ways such as as I described in the comments

[00:21:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Or after an era cookbook of generational family recipes I illustrated by hand

[00:21:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Because she is her own individual

[00:21:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Truthfully why understand the sentiments expressed in the comments

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't believe recognizing differences it's inherently a bad thing

[00:21:28] [SPEAKER_01]: A duplicate stuffy's my biochids received would duplicates the very first stuffies

[00:21:32] [SPEAKER_01]: It would be an epic rip with them

[00:21:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Receivable of them was a birth event

[00:21:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I did not give birth to my youngest

[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_01]: But that does not mean I love her any less or that she is any less my daughter

[00:21:43] [SPEAKER_01]: We've established our own traditions honouring her entry into my life

[00:21:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Such as our celebration of her adoption day

[00:21:50] [SPEAKER_01]: And while I realized I could have handled the stuffy situation better

[00:21:53] [SPEAKER_01]: I do believe it was an honest mistake

[00:21:56] [SPEAKER_01]: But how could I not include her in a treasured family tradition knowing how important it is?

[00:22:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Especially as an adopted child feel part of the family

[00:22:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Because I truly did not realize this one specific tradition meant as much to her as it did

[00:22:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I've strived to include her in as many family traditions as possible throughout the years

[00:22:15] [SPEAKER_01]: As I mentioned in the comments

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_01]: She speaks German because I toured and spoke it to her growing up

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Even though her father does not

[00:22:22] [SPEAKER_01]: We celebrate German traditions such as baking countless batches of

[00:22:26] [SPEAKER_01]: German Christmas cookies together every year

[00:22:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Just the two of us neither of us siblings have any interest in baking

[00:22:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Which is something I grew up doing with my mom and every year it's quality time

[00:22:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I deeply treasure

[00:22:38] [SPEAKER_01]: For a 16th birthday I gifted a locket my mother gifted me on my 16th

[00:22:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Which she've been gifted by my grandmother before me

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_01]: This actually upset my eldest daughter but not received such a handy down

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_01]: And this is just a name a few

[00:22:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I given the fact that she has on occasion received and taken path in traditions

[00:22:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Where the kids have been excluded from

[00:22:59] [SPEAKER_01]: I did not think the stuff he will carry as much weight as it ultimately did

[00:23:02] [SPEAKER_01]: But isn't her reaction an indication that there are larger issues at play and that she has likely felt this way for a while

[00:23:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Perhaps

[00:23:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not a perfect adopted mother. I've never claimed to be

[00:23:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I cannot see inside her brain, so I cannot know her true feelings

[00:23:19] [SPEAKER_01]: But my sense and I may be wrong is that the larger issues at play relate back to her by a mom

[00:23:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Which is something she expressed to me in our conversation

[00:23:27] [SPEAKER_01]: I did not disclose this in my original post because I did not believe it to be relevant

[00:23:32] [SPEAKER_01]: That is also a painful topic within our family

[00:23:35] [SPEAKER_01]: They're biomemum committed suicide while she was in a thick of postpartent depression

[00:23:39] [SPEAKER_01]: This is obviously impacted my daughter

[00:23:41] [SPEAKER_01]: It's been in the nautotherapy for years grappling with feelings of loss and guilt

[00:23:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Just highly sensitive to feeling isolated within our family unit

[00:23:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Which is something I should have taken into account in this situation and I own that

[00:23:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Realizes a huge hunk of text a given the visceral reaction many had

[00:23:59] [SPEAKER_01]: I felt it was important to cover my basis

[00:24:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Come to whatever conclusions you are like or likely not be checking the comments my own mental health and the well being and my family

[00:24:09] [SPEAKER_01]: To all you left genuine advice even if that meant calling me an arse or I truly do appreciate you

[00:24:15] [SPEAKER_01]: And to all who said hateful things especially in regards to a loss of my baby

[00:24:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Please consider the impact for your words may have to move in forward

[00:24:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Have a little comments from the top on that one rise correct says you're a good mom

[00:24:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Might have been a mistake not to give to the plush and it might have as you said just have been

[00:24:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Indicder for some larger emotions going on as graduating is a huge milestone

[00:24:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Going to college is an enormous life change. So there's very rewarding and exciting

[00:24:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Also stressful

[00:24:42] [SPEAKER_01]: But it sounds like you've been amazing about creating beautiful memories and experiences together

[00:24:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I think at some point the plush will be a distant memory from your post

[00:24:51] [SPEAKER_01]: It seems pretty clear you do have a good relationship

[00:24:53] [SPEAKER_01]: You're caring empathetic parent enjoy your summer together mama jarlases

[00:24:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Don't take the hateful comments personally. It's easy to be cruel online to a faceless stranger

[00:25:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Also, your original post didn't include all this info

[00:25:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Would have been impossible to anyway and therefore lack a lot of the backstory in nuance and

[00:25:12] [SPEAKER_01]: That frankly real person's life experiences encompasses

[00:25:15] [SPEAKER_01]: You'll do all to probably saw your post and realize how a reaction hurt your feelings and read the hateful comments and

[00:25:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Fair for you

[00:25:22] [SPEAKER_01]: This sounds like you have a great relationship and you're lucky to have each other in your lives

[00:25:27] [SPEAKER_01]: And this was a post from some time ago, and there was never any further update on that

[00:25:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Like OBS said they wouldn't be coming back into the post so they didn't and there was a bit of a mix of comments below that

[00:25:39] [SPEAKER_01]: There was like although we read too which was you know saying that they're a good mom and don't take the comments

[00:25:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Personally

[00:25:45] [SPEAKER_01]: There's other people saying that communication wins a day other people questioning

[00:25:49] [SPEAKER_01]: How she actually but got that tradition in any way and a lot of people still massively unhappy with the OPP

[00:25:56] [SPEAKER_01]: But what do you guys make of this

[00:25:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:26:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting them involved in today's stories

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_01]: You'll love your support your time always means absolutely world to me

[00:26:12] [SPEAKER_01]: So thank you so so much for being involved and hopefully I will see you in the next one take care

[00:26:18] [SPEAKER_01]: And much love