I Want My Husband To Cancel His "Bros Only" Trip To Help With Our New Born r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider it? Hit that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Now today's first story comes from PoranOstrich8937 from the Am I The Arsehole Here subreddit. It says,

[00:00:28] Am I the arsehole for asking my husband to cancel his bros only trip to help me with our newborn after he promised he would?

[00:00:38] The situation has caused a lot of tension between my husband and me. And now I'm questioning whether I'm being unreasonable.

[00:00:45] I, 30 female, gave birth to our first child, Olivia, two months ago. Being a first time mom has been both beautiful and overwhelming. My husband Jake, 32 male, was incredibly supportive during the pregnancy and promised that after Olivia was born, he would be there for me every step of the way. Especially during those challenging first few months.

[00:01:09] Before Olivia was born, Jake and his friends had been planning a bros only trip for this summer. A week long vacation to a cabin in the mountains for hiking, fishing and bonding. When the trip was being discussed, I reminded Jake that Olivia would only be a few months old and we would be deep in the newborn phase. He reassured me that if things got too tough, he would cancel the trip to help me out. And I trusted him.

[00:01:35] Now that Olivia is here, things have been harder than I anticipated. Between the sleepless nights, breastfeeding struggles and just trying to adjust to motherhood, I've been feeling overwhelmed. Jake has been helpful but I can tell he's excited about this trip, which is coming up next month.

[00:01:53] Last week I asked Jake if he could consider canceling the trip, reminding him of his promise.

[00:01:59] I told him that I'm struggling and that having him gone for a whole week would be really tough on me.

[00:02:04] He seemed surprised and a bit hurt that I was asking him to cancel.

[00:02:08] He said he's been looking forward to this trip for months and that he needs a break too.

[00:02:13] He's also pointed out that his parents live nearby and could help if I needed support while he was away.

[00:02:19] I understand that Jake needs a break and wants to spend time with his friends but I can't help feeling like this is a time when I really need him by my side.

[00:02:28] I try to explain that while I appreciate his parents' help, it's not the same as having him there.

[00:02:33] Jake said that I'm being unfair by asking him to cancel the trip after all the planning that went into it and that I need to trust him to make sure I'm supported even if he's not physically there.

[00:02:44] Now we're at a bit of a standoff. Some of my friends think I should let him go, saying that it's important for him to have some time away, especially after all the stress of becoming a new dad.

[00:02:56] But others agree that it's too soon for him to take off for a week and that he should prioritize being home with me and Olivia.

[00:03:03] So am I the arsehole for asking my husband to cancel his bro's only trip to help me with our newborn after he promised he would?

[00:03:13] I always find it weird, like, we've had stories like this before where friends are saying, you know, it's stressful for him to become a dad, which I totally get, you know, there is stress involved in that.

[00:03:24] But if you take it from the other side as well, OP in this, the one who's also gone through the stress, but has also grew the human, had to go through all the changes to a body, growing a human insider.

[00:03:37] The potential morning sickness for nine months of this.

[00:03:42] And then after the nine months, you got the healing afterwards.

[00:03:46] So you're tired, you're healing, potentially breastfeeding at the same time.

[00:03:51] So I don't get these people saying, you know, you need some time.

[00:03:55] It's important for him to have some time away, especially after all the stress.

[00:03:58] I get it. He's stressed as well.

[00:04:00] I do understand that.

[00:04:01] And I'm not sure if I missed it or just didn't read it properly.

[00:04:05] Did they plan this knowing she was pregnant?

[00:04:07] That'd be around that time.

[00:04:09] But this one's a pretty simple one to me that he should be supporting you.

[00:04:13] It's as simple as that.

[00:04:14] If you need that help, you're not doing it out of spite or anything like that because you just need his support.

[00:04:20] He's a dad now.

[00:04:21] It's as simple as that.

[00:04:23] But OP comes in with an edit and says, hey, everyone, I just wanted to give a quick update after reading through most of the replies.

[00:04:29] I was honestly overwhelmed by the amount of support and understanding I received.

[00:04:34] Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to respond.

[00:04:37] Your kind words and thoughtful advice really helped me feel less alone in this situation.

[00:04:43] A lot of you suggested that I should also take a week off, letting Jake stay with Olivia, to take a break for myself.

[00:04:50] I really appreciate the sentiment behind that suggestion.

[00:04:52] But there are a couple of reasons why it's not realistic for me right now.

[00:04:56] First of all, I'm breastfeeding.

[00:04:58] So being away from Olivia for that long would be really difficult logistically.

[00:05:03] But beyond that, and this is something I need to work on.

[00:05:06] I just don't feel comfortable being away from my baby yet.

[00:05:09] I know it's not healthy to feel like I can't have her out of my sight, but I can't help it.

[00:05:14] I guess it's just that new mum anxiety that's really hard to shake.

[00:05:18] I've been debating whether or not to show Jake this thread.

[00:05:21] I'm worried that reading it might hurt his feelings, but I'm definitely going to have another conversation with him about everything.

[00:05:28] I'm willing to compromise and let him go on the trip.

[00:05:31] But I think a whole week is just too much.

[00:05:34] I'm leaning towards suggesting that I limit the trip to a maximum of three nights,

[00:05:38] so he can still have some time away with his friends but not be gone for an entire week.

[00:05:43] We'll update again after we've talked.

[00:05:45] Thanks again for all the support everyone.

[00:05:47] It really means a lot to me.

[00:05:50] So a couple of comments say,

[00:05:52] Fancy and Fab says,

[00:05:54] You were uncomfortable for nine months.

[00:05:55] You went through labour.

[00:05:56] You are now breastfeeding.

[00:05:58] What the fuck does he need a break from?

[00:06:00] He was a giant arsehole when he even planned this trip.

[00:06:03] He was a bigger arsehole when he lied about cancelling.

[00:06:06] And he's the giant, gaping, insanely awful arsehole now that he thinks is unreasonable for you

[00:06:11] not wanting him to be gone for an entire week when you're already overwhelmed.

[00:06:15] It doesn't seem like you'd want his parents to stay for that week while he's gone.

[00:06:19] This made me furious.

[00:06:21] I hope this is his only misstep.

[00:06:23] Though, I doubt it.

[00:06:25] Not the arsehole.

[00:06:27] Jasper John says not the arsehole.

[00:06:29] He needs her to trust him.

[00:06:30] Like how she trusted him months before,

[00:06:33] when he said he wouldn't go if she needed him.

[00:06:35] Yeah, that worked out so well in the trust department.

[00:06:38] OP, I'm mad on your behalf.

[00:06:41] He needs a break too.

[00:06:42] Like the two is insinuating somehow that you got a break.

[00:06:46] When did that happen?

[00:06:48] Another commenter says,

[00:06:49] Seriously, shouldn't she be getting a break first?

[00:06:51] This guy is lame as fuck.

[00:06:54] Fleck Key says,

[00:06:55] That was my thought.

[00:06:56] When is her week away to unwind from the stress of becoming a new mother?

[00:07:00] Plus carrying a human for nine months.

[00:07:02] Pushing said human out of her body.

[00:07:04] Using her boobs to feed said human.

[00:07:06] And if you've never breastfed,

[00:07:07] let me tell you,

[00:07:08] it hurts at first.

[00:07:09] When he does all of this,

[00:07:11] then maybe he can have a week.

[00:07:12] Until then,

[00:07:13] man up and shut up.

[00:07:15] Dryad says,

[00:07:16] Not the arsehole.

[00:07:17] He agreed he would cancel it.

[00:07:19] Until he was actually held to his word.

[00:07:22] Planning a trip with his friends a few months after your due date

[00:07:25] was truly spectacularly poor judgment in the first place.

[00:07:28] He's a dad now.

[00:07:30] He's not your helper.

[00:07:31] He should be pulling his own weight.

[00:07:32] And he should know by now that this is a bad idea.

[00:07:36] No, his parents living nearby do not make up for it.

[00:07:39] And no,

[00:07:39] it is not reasonable for him to expect you to trust him.

[00:07:42] To make sure you are supported.

[00:07:44] Even though he's not physically there.

[00:07:46] This is his baby.

[00:07:48] He should be physically there.

[00:07:50] Not just supporting you,

[00:07:51] but taking care of his own child.

[00:07:53] Who I must assume you are still recovering from,

[00:07:55] carrying and giving birth to.

[00:07:57] You are not being unfair.

[00:07:59] He's being a liar.

[00:08:00] What do we call people who say they're do-something

[00:08:03] and then pitch a fit when you expect them to actually do it?

[00:08:07] Friendly Log says,

[00:08:08] Yeah,

[00:08:08] I'm shocked he planned this trip at all.

[00:08:11] Not the arsehole.

[00:08:13] So,

[00:08:13] Opie came back into the post sometime later and said,

[00:08:16] Hey everyone.

[00:08:16] I just wanted to share another update after having a very long

[00:08:20] and emotional talk with Jake.

[00:08:22] I won't get into every detail of our conversation,

[00:08:24] but I'll touch on the most important points.

[00:08:28] After putting Olivia to bed,

[00:08:29] I went straight to bed myself,

[00:08:31] feeling utterly exhausted.

[00:08:33] Jake was already asleep,

[00:08:35] but for some reason,

[00:08:36] the weight of everything just hit me all at once.

[00:08:38] I started crying uncontrollably.

[00:08:41] My sobbing woke Jake up,

[00:08:43] and he immediately asked me what was wrong.

[00:08:45] I told him that I was just tired,

[00:08:47] but then I opened up about how anxious I'd been feeling about his trip

[00:08:50] and being left alone with Olivia.

[00:08:52] I admitted something I've been reluctant to say out loud,

[00:08:56] that Jake hasn't been as involved as I thought he would be.

[00:08:59] This is one of my biggest fears when we found out we were having a baby.

[00:09:03] For context,

[00:09:04] Jake has a rocky relationship with his own dad.

[00:09:07] I won't go into detail about why his dad isn't the best,

[00:09:10] but his mom,

[00:09:10] my mother-in-law,

[00:09:12] remarried when Jake was in middle school,

[00:09:14] and his dad wasn't very present in his life.

[00:09:17] Jake has expressed to me before that

[00:09:19] becoming a father was scary for him because

[00:09:21] he's afraid of being a bad one,

[00:09:23] just like his dad.

[00:09:26] When he first told me that,

[00:09:27] I thought it would make him into a great father

[00:09:29] because it showed how much he cared about being a good dad

[00:09:32] long before we were even pregnant.

[00:09:34] When I vented to him about all of this,

[00:09:36] at first,

[00:09:37] he tried to defend himself.

[00:09:39] He admitted that he's been freaking out

[00:09:41] about having a baby for so long

[00:09:42] and just didn't want to tell me.

[00:09:45] He said he didn't want to stress me out

[00:09:47] while I was pregnant because

[00:09:48] he knows how much I've always wanted to be a mother.

[00:09:50] Hearing him say that made me feel guilty,

[00:09:53] like I hadn't said how much he's been struggling internally.

[00:09:56] I tried to convince him that he was going to be a great dad

[00:09:59] and when we had this conversation long ago,

[00:10:02] and now it all felt more complicated.

[00:10:05] I thought to myself,

[00:10:06] this can't go on much longer.

[00:10:07] I realized that if he was going to keep pulling away like this,

[00:10:10] I didn't know if I could handle it.

[00:10:12] So I asked him,

[00:10:13] is this what our life is going to look like from now on?

[00:10:16] Me with Olivia and you away.

[00:10:18] Because if it is Jake,

[00:10:20] then I don't think I can continue on like this.

[00:10:23] Jake told me to calm down

[00:10:24] and assured me that he wasn't going anywhere.

[00:10:27] Then he got really emotional.

[00:10:29] He even started to tear up.

[00:10:31] He said he didn't want to turn into his dad

[00:10:33] and that he didn't realize that going on this trip

[00:10:35] could be a preliminary step

[00:10:37] towards becoming the absentee father he feared he might be.

[00:10:40] He apologized for not considering me and Olivia

[00:10:43] as much as he should have.

[00:10:44] Long story short,

[00:10:45] Jake called his friends and told them

[00:10:47] he wouldn't be able to make the trip.

[00:10:49] He's even started planning a little family getaway

[00:10:52] for the three of us next year

[00:10:53] and Olivia is a bit older.

[00:10:55] It was a tough conversation.

[00:10:57] I feel like we're on the same page now

[00:10:59] and I'm hopeful that things will get better from here.

[00:11:02] Thanks again to everyone for your support and advice.

[00:11:05] It's been an emotional rollercoaster

[00:11:07] but I'm grateful for this community

[00:11:08] helping me navigate it.

[00:11:11] On the back of that, the comment said,

[00:11:13] Loopy said,

[00:11:13] That's awesome.

[00:11:14] You guys worked it out.

[00:11:16] So for the first year,

[00:11:17] even thinking about going away for a week is inconsiderate.

[00:11:20] Jesse might have had his struggles

[00:11:21] but yours was way, way more mentally

[00:11:23] and physically for sure.

[00:11:26] Glitter says,

[00:11:27] I'm so happy that you guys were able to communicate so openly

[00:11:30] and came to a resolution that worked for both of you.

[00:11:32] Wishing you all the best.

[00:11:35] It's been brought on says,

[00:11:36] Read your update.

[00:11:37] Sounds like he needed to come to grips with him

[00:11:39] psychologically pulling away.

[00:11:41] I hope he is the dad your little girl deserves

[00:11:43] and the husband you need.

[00:11:45] And please share this with him.

[00:11:47] Being a girl dad is so fantastic.

[00:11:50] These rough early months with a chunky baby

[00:11:52] will soon turn into toothless smiles

[00:11:54] and an active toddler.

[00:11:56] And that soon after will be replaced

[00:11:58] by a jabbering little girl

[00:11:59] who looks at her daddy with love

[00:12:01] in a way you never knew.

[00:12:03] Enjoy the nights where she sleeps

[00:12:05] and snuggles you where she is safe

[00:12:07] and yet you can't get a wink in

[00:12:08] because one day it will end

[00:12:10] and you will miss it.

[00:12:11] I love my journey.

[00:12:13] I hope you do too.

[00:12:16] Now, I'm really glad that they had a conversation in the end

[00:12:19] and things are looking a little bit,

[00:12:21] well, a step in the right direction,

[00:12:23] shall I say.

[00:12:24] I don't think it's completely over as yet,

[00:12:28] which, you know,

[00:12:29] I feel bad saying,

[00:12:30] but I don't think it's completely as over as yet

[00:12:32] because it's simply just words

[00:12:34] at this moment in time, isn't it?

[00:12:37] He's made some good choices

[00:12:38] with canceling this trip

[00:12:40] and realizing that he was in the wrong,

[00:12:42] but from here on,

[00:12:43] you have to continue to prove your point

[00:12:45] that you want to be a present father

[00:12:46] in the life of your child.

[00:12:49] And I think that will require some kind of help,

[00:12:51] maybe some kind of therapy

[00:12:52] or something like that

[00:12:54] to tackle what he's gone through in the past.

[00:12:57] It's clearly affected him in some way.

[00:12:59] But I'm glad OP did say that,

[00:13:01] you know,

[00:13:01] he basically said,

[00:13:02] I can't carry on like this.

[00:13:05] But I really do wish that they work things out,

[00:13:08] that he does seek some help

[00:13:10] and, you know,

[00:13:11] and is present in this child's life

[00:13:13] in the way that he wants to be.

[00:13:15] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:13:18] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:13:21] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:13:23] and let's move on to another story.

[00:13:26] Now our next story comes from PurpleFootC

[00:13:29] from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit

[00:13:31] saying would I be the arsehole

[00:13:32] for leaving my 13 year relationship

[00:13:35] because my boyfriend hasn't proposed yet.

[00:13:39] I, 28 female,

[00:13:40] just had my birthday.

[00:13:42] My 27 male boyfriend gifted me a beautiful ring

[00:13:45] but specified it wasn't a real engagement ring.

[00:13:49] When I told him he could propose with it,

[00:13:51] he became weird and silent.

[00:13:53] I've been trying to talk to him about marriage

[00:13:55] since we both turned 25

[00:13:57] but at the time it was,

[00:13:59] I'm too young.

[00:14:00] At 26 I asked again

[00:14:01] and it was,

[00:14:02] we don't have the money.

[00:14:03] I always told him he could propose with a ring pop

[00:14:06] and I'd be the happiest person in the world

[00:14:08] and that I didn't want a big wedding,

[00:14:11] just close friends and family.

[00:14:12] But he would always just laugh awkwardly

[00:14:15] or make jokes.

[00:14:17] Now I'm 28,

[00:14:18] we both have good jobs,

[00:14:20] are happy,

[00:14:21] I think,

[00:14:21] so I don't know what's up.

[00:14:24] When I asked him,

[00:14:25] he said,

[00:14:25] and I quote,

[00:14:26] everyone that is married just ends up divorced,

[00:14:28] so what's the point?

[00:14:30] At this point,

[00:14:31] I feel like I'm a placeholder

[00:14:32] and he's waiting for someone better to come along.

[00:14:35] When I discuss that,

[00:14:36] he always says,

[00:14:37] that's not true,

[00:14:38] but that doesn't reassure me.

[00:14:40] We even started looking at our house

[00:14:43] and are serious about that

[00:14:44] but now I don't know anymore.

[00:14:46] I love him more than anything

[00:14:47] and I don't want to lose him

[00:14:49] but marriage is important to me

[00:14:50] and seeing everyone around me

[00:14:52] moving on with their lives

[00:14:53] like marriage,

[00:14:54] buying houses,

[00:14:55] having kids,

[00:14:56] even though I don't want kids,

[00:14:58] is making me really bitter.

[00:15:01] I suggested couples counseling

[00:15:03] but he refuses,

[00:15:04] saying it's a waste of money.

[00:15:05] I also refuse to give an ultimatum.

[00:15:08] He keeps saying it will happen

[00:15:09] but I don't know anymore.

[00:15:11] This man is my world

[00:15:12] but I don't know if I can sacrifice marriage

[00:15:14] without feeling resentment.

[00:15:16] It has already started,

[00:15:18] I believe.

[00:15:19] I read it,

[00:15:19] would I be the asshole for leaving?

[00:15:21] I don't know what to do anymore.

[00:15:23] Edit to add,

[00:15:24] I feel like I worded this wrong.

[00:15:26] When he gifted me the ring,

[00:15:27] I joked about it being an engagement ring.

[00:15:29] He said this wasn't a real engagement ring

[00:15:32] and then got weird and silent.

[00:15:34] It's not a shut up ring.

[00:15:35] I've been looking at this ring for years

[00:15:37] and he promised he would get it for me one day.

[00:15:40] I feel like he listened to me

[00:15:42] and got me the perfect birthday gift,

[00:15:44] not a shut up ring.

[00:15:47] I mean,

[00:15:48] I can guess what a shut up ring

[00:15:49] but Google says,

[00:15:51] just in case.

[00:15:53] Shut up ring has become a popular way

[00:15:55] to describe imbalanced relationships

[00:15:57] on social media.

[00:15:58] They describe relationships

[00:16:00] in which one person proposed

[00:16:01] just to appease the other.

[00:16:03] A wedding therapist said

[00:16:05] being honest about your needs

[00:16:06] can help you avoid a shut up ring.

[00:16:09] Beginning ads says TOP,

[00:16:10] No, it would actually be healthier

[00:16:12] to leave a relationship

[00:16:13] that started when you were in high school.

[00:16:16] Who needs 13 years to figure out

[00:16:18] if they want to marry you?

[00:16:19] You're not kids anymore.

[00:16:21] I hate to break it to you

[00:16:22] but you're just a comfortable placeholder

[00:16:24] until he finds the woman he wants to marry.

[00:16:26] You're over here doing all the wife stuff

[00:16:29] with no assurances in return.

[00:16:30] On top of that,

[00:16:32] you've resorted to begging a man to want you.

[00:16:35] Stop that.

[00:16:35] Get your life together.

[00:16:37] Get some therapy to find out

[00:16:38] why you let this go on this long

[00:16:40] and move on.

[00:16:41] Find an actual man

[00:16:42] who isn't some boy you had to raise.

[00:16:45] OP says,

[00:16:46] Damn.

[00:16:47] Thanks for that.

[00:16:48] I will be restarting therapy.

[00:16:51] That goalie's mum says,

[00:16:52] I'm 54.

[00:16:53] I've been with my husband since high school.

[00:16:55] 37 years together

[00:16:57] and we just had our 30 year wedding anniversary

[00:17:00] two months ago.

[00:17:01] We were best friends all through high school

[00:17:03] and he confessed his feelings on graduation night.

[00:17:06] We've been together since.

[00:17:08] That first summer,

[00:17:10] we spent it having fun,

[00:17:11] making memories

[00:17:11] and falling in love.

[00:17:13] He also spent it telling me

[00:17:14] what he saw for our future,

[00:17:16] what our life could look like.

[00:17:18] By September,

[00:17:19] I was sold

[00:17:20] and he proposed on that Christmas Eve

[00:17:22] when we were 18 years old.

[00:17:24] We agreed that we'd buy a house

[00:17:25] and launch our business

[00:17:26] before we got married.

[00:17:28] Our business was thriving six years later

[00:17:30] and then we closed on our first home

[00:17:32] before that year was through

[00:17:34] and got married six months after that,

[00:17:36] right at the seven year mark.

[00:17:38] We were 24 years old.

[00:17:40] If he wanted to,

[00:17:41] he would.

[00:17:42] He wouldn't be able to stop himself.

[00:17:45] He'd move mountains to make it happen

[00:17:47] and he'd certainly be making plans.

[00:17:49] I'm sorry,

[00:17:50] OP.

[00:17:51] Not the arsehole.

[00:17:54] So,

[00:17:55] 12 days later,

[00:17:57] OP comes in and says,

[00:17:58] just wanted to pop back

[00:17:59] and give an update.

[00:18:00] After reading everyone,

[00:18:02] yes,

[00:18:02] even the mean ones,

[00:18:04] comments,

[00:18:04] I did some soul searching

[00:18:05] on why I wanted to get married

[00:18:07] in the first place.

[00:18:08] My therapist wasn't available

[00:18:10] for another month to see me.

[00:18:11] Yay,

[00:18:12] healthcare.

[00:18:13] So,

[00:18:13] I talked to some friends,

[00:18:15] Reddit users

[00:18:15] and did some thinking.

[00:18:17] I came to the conclusion

[00:18:18] that I wanted to get married

[00:18:20] due to a lot of peer pressure

[00:18:21] from society

[00:18:22] and also my upbringing

[00:18:23] of the acceptable life.

[00:18:25] Go to university,

[00:18:27] career,

[00:18:27] get married,

[00:18:28] buy a house

[00:18:28] and have kids.

[00:18:30] But one thing I did realize

[00:18:31] that I wanted out of marriage

[00:18:33] was the protection

[00:18:33] that if something happened

[00:18:34] to either of us,

[00:18:35] we would be each other's

[00:18:37] next of kin.

[00:18:38] So,

[00:18:39] I talked to my boyfriend

[00:18:40] about everything.

[00:18:41] We had a long emotional discussion

[00:18:43] about our wants

[00:18:44] and our future.

[00:18:45] He told me that

[00:18:46] while he did want a future with me

[00:18:47] and eventually get married,

[00:18:49] he wanted us to be financially stable

[00:18:51] and have a place before.

[00:18:53] He did talk about his parents' divorce

[00:18:55] and how traumatic that was for him

[00:18:57] and how even if he knows

[00:18:58] I'm not vindictive like his mother,

[00:19:00] he's terrified of ending up

[00:19:02] like his father.

[00:19:03] So,

[00:19:03] we compromised.

[00:19:04] To appease my anxiety,

[00:19:06] we'll be making each other beneficiaries

[00:19:08] and have each other be power of attorney

[00:19:10] in case something were to happen

[00:19:11] until we got officially married.

[00:19:13] Now,

[00:19:14] on to my ring.

[00:19:15] I asked him if it was a shut up ring

[00:19:17] because a lot of you fed into my fears

[00:19:19] that it was

[00:19:19] and he said,

[00:19:20] and I quote,

[00:19:21] in a way,

[00:19:22] yeah,

[00:19:22] because you've been talking about it non-stop

[00:19:24] since you saw it all those years ago

[00:19:26] and I was tired of hearing about it.

[00:19:28] But also,

[00:19:29] I was happy to be able to finally get it for you.

[00:19:31] So,

[00:19:32] you're right in a certain way.

[00:19:34] Edith,

[00:19:35] I never asked for an engagement ring.

[00:19:36] I was looking at a birthstone ring.

[00:19:39] The ring he got me

[00:19:40] was my birthstone for my birthday.

[00:19:42] It's not a shut up ring for marriage.

[00:19:44] It's a,

[00:19:44] you keep talking about that specific ring

[00:19:46] so I got it for you

[00:19:47] to make you happy

[00:19:48] because I love you

[00:19:49] but also

[00:19:50] to give my ears a break ring.

[00:19:52] So no,

[00:19:53] I will not be leaving him.

[00:19:54] I don't care if we got together too young

[00:19:57] and didn't experience other relationships.

[00:19:59] I love him

[00:20:00] and he loves me.

[00:20:01] I don't need to sleep with 10 other people

[00:20:03] to know what love is

[00:20:04] and what I want.

[00:20:05] We went through hell

[00:20:06] and back together.

[00:20:08] Parents divorce,

[00:20:09] family deaths,

[00:20:10] losing fur babies,

[00:20:11] sickness,

[00:20:12] life-altering disability,

[00:20:14] mental health,

[00:20:14] etc.

[00:20:15] He's the perfect partner

[00:20:17] in every sense for me

[00:20:18] and I hope I am for him.

[00:20:21] Edith,

[00:20:21] I can't believe I have to spell this out

[00:20:23] but I don't care about marriage.

[00:20:25] I never did in the first place.

[00:20:27] I only started bringing it up

[00:20:28] because family and society

[00:20:29] put in my head

[00:20:30] that it was a necessity

[00:20:31] for successful life.

[00:20:33] Spoiler,

[00:20:34] they were wrong.

[00:20:35] Being happy with the person you love

[00:20:37] is what's successful.

[00:20:38] I got what I wanted

[00:20:39] which was protection

[00:20:40] in case something happened

[00:20:41] as even though we were common law,

[00:20:44] surprise I'm not USA,

[00:20:45] you're not next of kin

[00:20:46] unless we're in writing

[00:20:48] and notarized.

[00:20:49] The first commenter said

[00:20:50] on the update,

[00:20:51] he let you win a small battle

[00:20:53] so you wouldn't notice

[00:20:54] you lost the war.

[00:20:55] You're missing out

[00:20:56] on finding someone

[00:20:57] who's excited

[00:20:58] and delighted by you

[00:20:59] and honestly,

[00:21:00] this man you're with

[00:21:01] is just some guy.

[00:21:03] Not someone worth

[00:21:04] making compromises for

[00:21:05] and shaving off corners

[00:21:06] to be more palatable.

[00:21:08] To what end?

[00:21:09] If you keep chipping away

[00:21:10] at yourself,

[00:21:11] you'll wake up one day

[00:21:12] completely mystified

[00:21:13] about how your life

[00:21:14] got so small and grey.

[00:21:16] Sky says,

[00:21:17] yep,

[00:21:17] she'll build with him

[00:21:18] and then once he's

[00:21:19] in the financial position

[00:21:20] he wants to be in,

[00:21:21] he'll get married

[00:21:22] to someone else

[00:21:23] a few months after meeting them.

[00:21:24] A tale as old as time.

[00:21:27] Labdog says,

[00:21:28] never buy the house first.

[00:21:30] Don't do it.

[00:21:33] Boney Kneecap says,

[00:21:34] yes,

[00:21:35] my brother learned this

[00:21:35] the hard way.

[00:21:36] What a place

[00:21:37] with his girlfriend

[00:21:38] and best friend.

[00:21:39] I don't need to tell anyone

[00:21:40] what happened

[00:21:41] in a couple of years.

[00:21:42] Those two better hope

[00:21:43] I never see them again.

[00:21:45] Hopi says,

[00:21:45] I say yes,

[00:21:46] whether it's tomorrow,

[00:21:47] next week,

[00:21:48] 20 years from now.

[00:21:49] I love this man.

[00:21:50] I don't care about marriage

[00:21:51] as long as we were happy together

[00:21:53] and love each other.

[00:21:54] Would a wedding be cute?

[00:21:56] Yes,

[00:21:56] but is it necessary?

[00:21:58] After a lot of soul searching,

[00:21:59] no,

[00:22:00] it's not.

[00:22:01] I gotta admit,

[00:22:02] I felt a bit flat

[00:22:03] after that update.

[00:22:05] I totally get it.

[00:22:06] You know,

[00:22:06] marriage is not something

[00:22:08] for everyone.

[00:22:09] Absolutely,

[00:22:09] I understand that.

[00:22:10] And she may have had this

[00:22:11] realization

[00:22:12] in the 12 days

[00:22:14] before the initial post

[00:22:15] and the update,

[00:22:17] but it just didn't feel

[00:22:19] that way to me.

[00:22:20] It just felt like

[00:22:21] that commenter said

[00:22:22] she's chipping away

[00:22:23] at herself.

[00:22:23] Whether you agree on marriage

[00:22:25] or not is one thing,

[00:22:27] but this was something

[00:22:27] that to me,

[00:22:28] it seemed like

[00:22:29] she was desperate for.

[00:22:30] And like I said,

[00:22:31] she may have had

[00:22:32] that realization,

[00:22:33] but it just didn't feel

[00:22:34] like that to me

[00:22:35] and I found that quite sad.

[00:22:36] And a conversation

[00:22:38] that's going to reoccur

[00:22:39] at some point down

[00:22:41] in the future.

[00:22:42] Might be totally wrong,

[00:22:43] might not,

[00:22:44] but who knows?

[00:22:45] What do you guys make

[00:22:47] of this situation?

[00:22:49] Let us know your thoughts

[00:22:50] down in the comments below.

[00:22:52] Now,

[00:22:53] just a huge thank you

[00:22:54] from the bottom of my heart

[00:22:54] for getting involved

[00:22:55] in today's stories.

[00:22:56] Your love,

[00:22:57] your support,

[00:22:57] your time

[00:22:58] always means the absolute world

[00:23:00] to me.

[00:23:00] So thank you so,

[00:23:01] so much.

[00:23:02] Please keep being

[00:23:03] your awesome selves

[00:23:04] and I will see you

[00:23:05] in the next one.

[00:23:06] Take care

[00:23:07] and much love.