I Walked In On My Mother-In-Law Talking Badly Behind My Back r/Relationships

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[00:00:38] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too.

[00:00:50] And before we do get started today, I just want to say a huge thank you to the artists in our community who was drawing my Roomba imagination from yesterday's video. Absolutely amazing.

[00:01:02] I've been sharing them over on Twitter, by the way, at Mark Narrations. Get involved over there.

[00:01:07] And let's get on with today's first story. Now today's first story comes from the true off my chest subreddit with updates, of course, from amazingmarket5387.

[00:01:18] And says, I heard my mother-in-law and husband's aunt talking about me and can't get over it.

[00:01:26] This is going to be long because there's a lot of context.

[00:01:29] I, 20 female, had a consensual arranged marriage to my husband, 23 male.

[00:01:35] And we have a beautiful six-month-old boy.

[00:01:38] My mother, 45, and my mother-in-law, 42 female, are childhood friends.

[00:01:44] My mom got married and moved abroad and lost all contact with her best friend.

[00:01:48] We moved back home in 2018.

[00:01:51] My mom got in contact with my mother-in-law in 2019 and they started catching up.

[00:01:57] My mom ended up liking my husband, who is the oldest son, a lot.

[00:02:01] But it was my mother-in-law who asked for my hand.

[00:02:05] We are religious, so my husband and I only talked under supervision of parents and damn, I fell in love.

[00:02:11] He is smart, good-looking, and has a weird humor that I absolutely love.

[00:02:16] We got married pretty soon, which no one was expecting, but one thing led to another.

[00:02:21] The thing about me is that I cannot cook.

[00:02:24] I hate cooking or even being in the kitchen.

[00:02:27] I can do every other house chore, even laundry.

[00:02:30] My mom knew it and never forced me to be in the kitchen.

[00:02:33] In our culture, women belong in the kitchen.

[00:02:37] But obviously, times are changing.

[00:02:39] My mom shared a concern on this and my mother-in-law shrugged it off, saying,

[00:02:43] I am young and will learn if I wanted to.

[00:02:46] Emphasis on the wanted to.

[00:02:49] Because throughout my first year of marriage, she said that to everybody who asked if I knew how to cook.

[00:02:54] My mom still worried because she didn't want my mother-in-law to throw remarks about this

[00:02:59] because that is what most mother-in-laws in my country do.

[00:03:02] I am also a student and also now a mother.

[00:03:06] It's hard to juggle all of this, which is why I try my best to take it easy on chores.

[00:03:11] I live with my in-laws and mostly do dishes or serve tea and biscuits to guests and that is all.

[00:03:17] We also have a maid for cleaning the house and another maid for laundry.

[00:03:22] Many times I have offered to make food for the family, but my mother-in-law always laughed and said that she wasn't that old.

[00:03:28] I boasted about her to everybody, literally everybody.

[00:03:33] She is the kind of mother-in-law that girls in my country dream for.

[00:03:36] I have always loved her just like my mom and treated her as such.

[00:03:40] I do have some arguments, especially regarding the way I parent my son.

[00:03:44] She has some traditional views, whereas I believe in facts.

[00:03:48] But we have both compromised on many things and it has been working very well.

[00:03:52] I have to emphasize on one more thing and that is that my husband is not a huge fan of homemade food.

[00:03:59] He rarely eats at home and loves having food from different places.

[00:04:03] He also does his best to have healthy options.

[00:04:05] Multiple times whenever he comes home, there is no food left for him.

[00:04:10] There are seven people in the family and they eat a lot.

[00:04:14] So someday the food is really good.

[00:04:16] They finish it all up because he comes home late at night.

[00:04:19] I feel very bad that my husband does not get his share so I always volunteer to cook.

[00:04:25] But my husband shrugs it off like it's something he's used to and just orders something.

[00:04:30] I'm sharing this to tell you that I have no obligation to cook because my husband does not mind not having homemade food.

[00:04:36] Therefore, there is no rush for me to learn because it's my job to look after him and not the whole family.

[00:04:43] Back to my mother-in-law.

[00:04:45] She never told me to cook.

[00:04:47] The few times I have cooked is because I forced her to let me.

[00:04:50] Today, she went to my husband's aunt's house.

[00:04:53] The aunt lives very close to our house and visits almost every day.

[00:04:56] She loves my son and always comes to meet him.

[00:04:59] Today, my son was taking a nap when my mother-in-law left and when he woke up.

[00:05:04] I decided to take him there too.

[00:05:07] I wanted to surprise them which is why I quietly opened the entrance door.

[00:05:12] Which we live in a very safe neighborhood and always leave our main doors open and could hear from the living room.

[00:05:18] They couldn't see me as I was removing my slippers to enter.

[00:05:21] Just before I come into their view, I heard the aunt say when my brother-in-law's fiancé gets married and moves into the family.

[00:05:28] The fiancé is the aunt's niece.

[00:05:30] She will handle the family well.

[00:05:32] My mother-in-law answered,

[00:05:34] Yeah, my name doesn't know how to do anything.

[00:05:38] Cannot even cook.

[00:05:39] To which the aunt replied,

[00:05:41] Yes, my name has no idea how to do anything.

[00:05:45] I literally wanted to turn around and leave.

[00:05:48] I was completely numb and my body just moved forward and they all saw me.

[00:05:52] The aunt just jumped into excitement and ran to grab my son,

[00:05:55] whereas my mother-in-law had a very awkward, dumbfounded kind of expression.

[00:06:00] I wanted to cry.

[00:06:01] This was exactly what my mother used to fear and I always said that my mother-in-law would never say such things.

[00:06:07] I'm so devastated to think that she was talking about this behind my back.

[00:06:12] She did not meet my eyes when I was there and I wanted to cry so bad.

[00:06:17] I'm trying my best.

[00:06:18] She knows I'm young and cannot do so many things at once.

[00:06:22] She always told me to take my time and is saying such awful things about me behind my back.

[00:06:27] I keep thinking why she even asked my hand when she knew all these things.

[00:06:32] I know it's not a big deal, but it's just all I can think about right now.

[00:06:36] Not even sure if I should talk about this to anybody.

[00:06:40] Definitely not my mum because she trusts her best friend a lot.

[00:06:43] I don't even know if sharing this with my husband is okay.

[00:06:48] Now, you said it's not a big deal, but it is a big deal because they've hurt you with what they are doing.

[00:06:54] They're talking, they're gossiping behind your back like this.

[00:06:59] And obviously, I don't know the full ins and outs of your lives.

[00:07:03] I only know this very small piece that we've read here.

[00:07:06] But I feel like you should definitely speak to your husband about what's been going on for one.

[00:07:12] And even talk to your mum about it.

[00:07:14] You know, that's her best friend that's talking shit about you behind your back.

[00:07:19] And I'm just wondering if she has a history of this kind of behavior.

[00:07:23] But if a mystery says, have you talked to your husband about this?

[00:07:26] Soapy says, not yet.

[00:07:28] It's just happened a few hours ago.

[00:07:30] It's 1am and I'm waiting for my husband to be back from work.

[00:07:33] I can't decide if I should talk to him or not.

[00:07:38] Lady Polaris says, she feels guilty and that you're in.

[00:07:42] I'm going to sound really manipulative here, but that's how you win the game.

[00:07:46] She saw you.

[00:07:47] You saw that she saw you.

[00:07:49] So there's no point pretending it didn't happen.

[00:07:51] What you have to do is go to her and tell the truth.

[00:07:54] Let yourself cry.

[00:07:56] Really play up to how lucky you felt to have her and how much you respect her.

[00:08:00] How awful you felt knowing she thinks you aren't good at anything and that you thought she was proud of you.

[00:08:06] Make her squirm.

[00:08:08] If she has any sense of decency, she'll be ashamed that she has stopped talking shit about you.

[00:08:13] Then start teaching yourself to cook.

[00:08:16] If my 70 year old white dad can make a tasty meal, then I promise you, you can too.

[00:08:22] Start small.

[00:08:24] Sufficient Proposal says, don't ask if you can cook.

[00:08:27] If you want to make a meal for yourself or your husband, do it.

[00:08:31] If not, let these comments roll off your back and carry on.

[00:08:35] Realistically, mother-in-law must get tired of cooking for seven who eat a lot and was just venting.

[00:08:40] A deer in the headlights, sorry look indicate that she knows she was wrong for saying these things.

[00:08:46] If she really felt this way, she'd probably be unapologetic about it.

[00:08:50] Hope things get better and that you continue to be happy and do things that you're interested in.

[00:08:55] So Opie comes in with their first update and says, I'm so devastated and so disappointed.

[00:09:02] Maybe I'm overreacting, but I just want to leave and go to my mom.

[00:09:05] So I stayed up until 2am to talk to my husband, but he did not come.

[00:09:10] So I just went to sleep.

[00:09:11] As soon as he woke up, I sat him down and burst into tears.

[00:09:15] I told him everything I felt and why I felt that way.

[00:09:18] He stayed quiet.

[00:09:20] I told him that I want to learn how to cook, but not instantly because it's not the easiest thing,

[00:09:25] especially with a six-month-old that practically doesn't let me leave him with anybody else.

[00:09:30] My husband quietly listened.

[00:09:32] He even said he did not mind whether I cooked or not.

[00:09:35] He said he will never force me to learn, definitely not until the baby gets older.

[00:09:40] This made me think he was understanding me.

[00:09:43] When I shared how his mother and aunt were talking about me, he simply said, I don't see what they said wrong.

[00:09:49] I continued to explain how she could have talked directly to me, but instead said, I don't know how to do anything behind my back.

[00:09:56] I tried to make him understand that she always told me I could take my time, yet expects me to learn quickly.

[00:10:02] He just laughed and said I was overreacting and that all women gossip.

[00:10:07] I was baffled.

[00:10:08] Tears in my eyes, I left the room.

[00:10:10] It's not that big of a deal, but it's a shame that my husband did not understand how stupid I felt after hearing that.

[00:10:17] I got busy doing chores for my son.

[00:10:19] My husband has no office today, so he was just chilling.

[00:10:23] I was washing the dishes when my mother-in-law came and told me to come in my room because she wanted to talk.

[00:10:28] I got nervous because I'm a non-confrontational person.

[00:10:32] We sat down and she kept going on and on about how she wants what is best for me.

[00:10:37] She kept giving reasons why she said what she said.

[00:10:39] She kept cutting me off and said all I was trying to say was that she should have shared her thoughts with me and not someone else.

[00:10:46] She just wouldn't listen to me.

[00:10:49] In the end, she complained how I shouldn't have told my husband about this.

[00:10:52] She said I'm trying to cause problems between them.

[00:10:55] I was speechless.

[00:10:57] I said that if she could talk about me to someone else, then I could talk about her to my husband.

[00:11:02] She started getting angry at this point and said that I was being rude and maybe this is my true face.

[00:11:08] She said that she did not expect me to be such a typical daughter-in-law who causes issues between her husband and his mother.

[00:11:15] She said I cannot believe what I brought into my house and before I could answer, she left.

[00:11:20] I cried and cried.

[00:11:23] When my husband came into the room, he had a worried expression and asked me what happened.

[00:11:27] I just told him I want to go home.

[00:11:29] Currently packing my baby stuff so I can go to my mum's.

[00:11:32] I've never felt this hurt by someone's behaviour.

[00:11:35] My husband is trying to calm me down but I just want to leave.

[00:11:39] I do not know what is going to happen now.

[00:11:41] But I know for sure I cannot live with this woman anymore.

[00:11:45] And we have another update which is a couple of weeks later.

[00:11:48] But first, Leather Prestigious says, wow, your husband is such a mama's boy.

[00:11:52] He brushed off your feelings and said it's just a woman's gossip.

[00:11:57] The worst thing is he agreed with what they said that you couldn't do anything.

[00:12:01] Both husband and mother-in-law sucks.

[00:12:04] Ugh.

[00:12:05] Opie, this is what your life is going to be in the future with your spineless husband and

[00:12:10] two-faced mother-in-law.

[00:12:11] Better talk to your husband to fix his attitude or leave.

[00:12:14] No one deserves to be with a stupid husband who doesn't know how to defend his wife.

[00:12:19] Ew.

[00:12:20] Opie says yes he is.

[00:12:22] And that's what hurts me way more than what his mother said.

[00:12:25] I'm at my mum's place now and I'm going to take a long rest and then decide what needs

[00:12:30] to be done.

[00:12:31] Jessa says, they always have to turn it back on you.

[00:12:35] You're the problem.

[00:12:36] Never them.

[00:12:37] Very sad.

[00:12:38] I hope you're the best.

[00:12:40] Opie says exactly.

[00:12:42] I'm so hurt and I told my mum everything.

[00:12:44] She's also very upset and is going to talk to my mother-in-law.

[00:12:48] I feel so lost.

[00:12:52] Jetzt ist Herbst und bald stehen schon wieder die Feiertage vor der Tür.

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[00:13:41] So Opie's update comes a couple of weeks later and says, okay, wow, I was not expecting

[00:13:45] my story to be featured on a podcast.

[00:13:48] Just woke up and saw some new comments and people were asking for a new update.

[00:13:52] So here it is.

[00:13:53] I'm still at my mum's place.

[00:13:55] It's been officially two whole weeks that I've been staying here and while that may

[00:13:58] sound things are not going okay, I'm glad to say things are so much better than I could

[00:14:03] have imagined.

[00:14:04] I came up my mum's and told her everything.

[00:14:06] She was furious and wanted to call my mother-in-law.

[00:14:10] But I got weirdly scared, I don't know why, and told her to wait.

[00:14:14] I'm so bad at confrontations and get very nervous.

[00:14:17] After two days of crying and crying, my mum had had enough and she talked to my mother-in-law.

[00:14:23] Mother-in-law was very weird and kept trying to change the subject constantly, saying that

[00:14:27] whatever happened is in the past now.

[00:14:29] I was so heartbroken.

[00:14:31] My mum was angry and told her that I would not be going back to that house ever again

[00:14:35] and that finally broke my mother-in-law and she started apologizing for what had happened.

[00:14:40] I know she was only apologizing because she wanted to keep a good perception of herself

[00:14:44] around others.

[00:14:45] My mother hung up and that is the last conversation we had with my mother-in-law.

[00:14:50] I'm still beating myself up over how I should have talked to her myself too.

[00:14:54] But I also think that since they were the ones who got us married, they should handle this

[00:14:59] too.

[00:15:00] I don't know.

[00:15:01] During these days, my husband had visited every day.

[00:15:04] I texted and called all the time and has stayed over for three days too.

[00:15:08] I believe it's his way of showing support.

[00:15:11] We have started to look for apartments that is affordable and suitable for our small family.

[00:15:16] We don't have a lot of money but we are trying and my parents are also willing to help.

[00:15:22] I haven't felt this happy and loved ever.

[00:15:25] Life seems to be finally moving the right way.

[00:15:28] I've realized that marriage should not happen like this.

[00:15:31] This stupid arranged marriage culture needs to be illegal.

[00:15:35] I'm lucky to have such a lovely husband but things could have easily gone wrong.

[00:15:40] I will never be the mother who wants to rule over my son's life.

[00:15:44] My son is a human and will treat him as such.

[00:15:47] Now on to the Hot Takes podcast.

[00:15:50] I like their advice and I'm very grateful they shared my story.

[00:15:54] However, I do not want to be the bigger person here.

[00:15:56] I just refuse to be.

[00:15:58] Because while I'm sure I will be welcome to that house whenever,

[00:16:02] these things will not go away.

[00:16:04] My mother-in-law will be good for a little while but I'm sure she will go back to her ways.

[00:16:09] They were very kind in understanding me and I'm so thankful for the advice in the comment section.

[00:16:14] I hope my little family stays mine forever.

[00:16:18] Good Insurance says on the back of that one,

[00:16:20] Yes, I love this update.

[00:16:22] I feel like moving out is the best option because your husband still loves and supports you

[00:16:27] and isn't trying to change you like your mother-in-law.

[00:16:29] I love that you have a beautiful support system to lift you up.

[00:16:33] Ace Evergreen says,

[00:16:34] Glad you're in a happier place, OP.

[00:16:36] And that your family is rallying around you.

[00:16:38] Regardless of being the bigger person,

[00:16:41] you're taking steps to protect your family and deserve all the praise for that.

[00:16:45] Kudos to you, OP.

[00:16:48] But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:16:51] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:16:54] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:16:57] And let's move on to another story.

[00:17:00] Now, you bloody cheeky so-and-sos,

[00:17:02] you're always sending me stories of neighbors

[00:17:04] because you know how much I get into that sort of stuff.

[00:17:07] Our next story is an Am I the Arsehole post about a neighbor.

[00:17:12] No update on it.

[00:17:14] But if you dangle that neighbor carrot in front of me,

[00:17:17] this sounds wrong.

[00:17:19] I'm Biden.

[00:17:21] This one's from surfergirl7681 and says,

[00:17:25] Am I the Arsehole for telling my neighbor I'm not a babysitter over the summer?

[00:17:30] I, 38 female, have a neighbor.

[00:17:33] We call her Sarah, 38 female.

[00:17:35] I'm married with two girls, 8 and 11.

[00:17:39] She has two boys, 8 and 12.

[00:17:42] Sarah is married but her husband travels a lot for work and she works from home.

[00:17:46] I'm a teacher so I have school breaks and summer's off.

[00:17:50] Over winter break, Sarah's kids kept coming over to see if my kids could play.

[00:17:55] Play means they have been sent over because they're annoying mum and she's trying to work.

[00:18:00] Backstory, the kids were friends when they were younger.

[00:18:03] But as they got older, they don't really have much in common and they've drifted apart.

[00:18:08] Her kids go to a parochial school and my kids go to public school.

[00:18:12] So they don't even have teachers or classmates in common.

[00:18:15] They don't even have a ton in common anymore.

[00:18:17] And when they do play, Sarah's kids fight.

[00:18:20] A lot.

[00:18:21] With each other and with my kids.

[00:18:23] One day of winter break, the younger one came to my door to see if my kids could play and

[00:18:28] I told them they didn't want to play right now.

[00:18:31] Sarah sent me a text saying that she was on a work call and she could really use some

[00:18:35] time with the boys out of the house.

[00:18:37] I caved and told my girls to just try and find something they could do together.

[00:18:41] 10 minutes later, my oldest came upstairs crying saying that one of the boys made a

[00:18:45] nasty comment about how boring our house was and it was dumb that I wouldn't let him play

[00:18:50] Xbox. The Xbox is my husband's and it's our family room where I was doing laundry and watching

[00:18:56] a show. I told the boys if they were bored, they were more than welcome to leave.

[00:19:01] Now it's almost spring break and Sarah just asked if I could watch the boys two days because

[00:19:05] she has two busy work days and I'm off work. I told her no because we would be on vacation

[00:19:12] in Florida visiting family. She said okay and jokingly said, I guess I'll just hit you up

[00:19:18] in the summer. I replied and said that I will not be babysitting her kids over the summer.

[00:19:23] True emergency, sure. I said I'm sorry but just because I'm not at school during the summer

[00:19:29] does not mean I'm your free childcare. Yes, I don't physically go to work over the summer

[00:19:35] but I take online classes for my masters and I teach online summer school, meaning I'm also

[00:19:40] working from home. She blew up at me and told me I should help her because she's alone a lot and

[00:19:46] now that the kids are older, it's harder to keep them entertained all day. I told her that I didn't

[00:19:51] care if the kids played together outside during the summer but I was not going to be a caretaker

[00:19:55] or responsible for her kids unless she was going to compensate me. I tried explaining to her that

[00:20:00] the kids do not get along the way that they used to. My kids don't fight with each other the way her

[00:20:05] kids fight with each other and my kids don't really want them to be at our house all the time.

[00:20:09] Now she's pissed and not speaking and her oldest told my oldest that I'm not a good person

[00:20:15] because I won't help my neighbor. Am I really the arsehole because I won't watch her kids over the

[00:20:20] summer? Absolutely not the arsehole at all. The bloody cheeky so-and-so and I hate this shit when

[00:20:28] people say you know because you're a teacher you have the summers off. That really pisses me off.

[00:20:35] As I said in some of our older stories I have a teacher friend and I can tell you that they work

[00:20:39] fucking hard during the summer. The amount of planning that has to be done for their upcoming

[00:20:44] term etc. And I think that you are accommodating in the best way possible. You said you know

[00:20:50] true emergencies? Sure but you can't force your kids to be together especially when they don't

[00:20:56] get along together anymore either. If they don't get along there's going to be fights and that means

[00:21:01] you have to step in and look after them even more. And quite frankly it's not fair on the kids

[00:21:06] either to force them together when they don't get along with them. It's as simple as that. Can you

[00:21:11] imagine the audacity of that neighbor sat there and asking this kind of thing? I guess I'll just hit

[00:21:17] you up in the summer. No you bloody won't you gobshite. Antique Sherpa says not the arsehole. Nah. Just tell

[00:21:27] your daughter to tell him he has a bad mom who can't even watch them when she's home. See how she likes

[00:21:32] that. Or that he's such a bad kid that good neighbors won't watch them for free in the summer.

[00:21:37] Also what does her opinion mean for you? It should mean nothing. This is a one way relationship where

[00:21:43] she takes and takes. What do you get in return? The good neighbor award. Sherpa girl says normally

[00:21:49] I don't care if people have a negative opinion of me. However we do have a lot of mutual friends and she

[00:21:55] is very gossipy and I am not so. I'm more concerned that she'd be bad mouthing me to other people.

[00:22:00] I know I shouldn't be concerned about that because I know the other people know that she's a drama

[00:22:04] queen but it still bothers me. And I'm not sure why but a little unrelated it's neighbor based but

[00:22:12] it's unrelated to what just happened but it just literally popped into my head. It freaked me out

[00:22:17] so now I'm going to freak you out. You're welcome. If you're eating by the way you might want to skip it.

[00:22:21] And I think I may have told this before in another story but when the images pop into my head I have to

[00:22:27] tell it. I've told you about my area when I was younger everyone used to get on with one another.

[00:22:32] There was lots of arguments and fights between various neighbors but generally people got on for

[00:22:37] the most part and our front doors were literally left wide open at times and people would wander

[00:22:43] in and out of people's houses and it was lovely like that sometimes.

[00:22:49] And neighbors would wander in each other's houses and they would have a bit of a gnat,

[00:22:53] a bit of a gossip about what's going on in the area. It's just me sat in the corner listening in

[00:22:58] you know. I'm a people watcher. Just sat there absorbing all the drama. And it's about four o'clock

[00:23:04] in the afternoon one day and me, my dad sat in the chair. I'm sat like at the base of the chair

[00:23:10] just between his legs with my dinner on my lap just eating away. Dad's eating his. We're watching

[00:23:15] something on the TV. Mum sat in her armchair to the right and you know then we got the sofa across

[00:23:20] the other side of the room and suddenly her neighbor, let's call her Jessica, walks in.

[00:23:25] Probably late 30s maybe early 40s at this point. She comes flying into the living room. She sits

[00:23:31] down on her sofa and you know starts saying something about have you heard about this? And

[00:23:35] I can't remember exactly what she said because at the same time she's doing this and you know like

[00:23:40] when you get like tunnel vision and you're looking at something and you can't hear anything around you.

[00:23:44] It's sort of like all muffles. That was happening to me because I was, as I said, I was sat there

[00:23:50] with my dinner sort of like on my knees eating away and this bloody cheeky so-and-so, she lifts

[00:23:55] her feet onto the sofa at the same time. So like she's like almost like into a ball and then she's

[00:24:01] picking at her toenails and like pulling them off and then chucking them on the floor in our house.

[00:24:06] And I honestly can't remember if anyone said anything. I just remember sort of looking around

[00:24:10] and seeing my parents staring at her toes at the same time thinking what the fuck is going on?

[00:24:15] I remember just getting up and going into my room and trying to eat in there after seeing that.

[00:24:20] You know, that's horrified me for years.

[00:24:24] Again, not really high stakes drama but just a little piece of the sort of shit that we used to see.

[00:24:29] But anyway, now I'm going to turn that last story to you guys. What do you guys make of the

[00:24:34] situation? Not the toenails of course, I don't need to hear about that shit again.

[00:24:37] It already haunts my mind. But just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the

[00:24:43] stories, your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so,

[00:24:48] so much for being involved. Truly, you're absolutely amazing. Keep being amazing and I will see you

[00:24:54] in the next one. Take care and much love.

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