I Voiced My Concerns About My Brothers Engagement And Now The Family Is Mad At Me r/Relationships

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[00:00:30] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well.

[00:00:38] My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories.

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[00:00:47] And let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:51] Much love guys.

[00:00:52] And our first story comes from Drawingok6066 that says, Am I the arsehole for reacting

[00:00:58] wrong to my brother's engagement?

[00:01:03] Sorry if this is kind of all over the place.

[00:01:05] On Sunday, I, 19F, learned on a Zoom call with my family that my brother Harry, 22M,

[00:01:13] had just gotten engaged to his girlfriend, Jessica, 20F.

[00:01:17] When Harry told us, everyone but me was pretty enthusiastic, but I just kinda sighed and

[00:01:22] said nothing.

[00:01:24] Harry didn't display any reaction towards my admittedly lukewarm reaction.

[00:01:29] But afterwards, my mom called me and told me that I was rude for not being excited.

[00:01:34] She said that I need to respect all members of the family, including Jessica, and that

[00:01:39] I need to reconsider my behavior if I want to be invited to our vacation in the spring.

[00:01:44] Harry and I were really close growing up.

[00:01:47] Since he, and then I, started college, we've been less close, but him and I still talk every

[00:01:52] week or two.

[00:01:54] Harry and Jessica have been together for around 2 years now.

[00:01:57] Here's where it gets complicated.

[00:01:59] I knew Jessica back in high school, and she was not what you would call a kind soul.

[00:02:05] She had a particularly nasty streak.

[00:02:07] She would not pay attention during class and always tried to cheat off of people's homework,

[00:02:11] and I assume got away with it.

[00:02:14] She tried, semi-successfully, to steal my boyfriend.

[00:02:18] She bullied one of my best friends, calling her fat, among other things.

[00:02:23] This bullying worsened, if not caused altogether, her eating disorder, and it's something I've

[00:02:28] never been able to forgive or forget.

[00:02:31] She's just one of those people who would just mess around with other people's lives like

[00:02:34] it's a game, and not something she's invested in.

[00:02:38] About 6 months ago, I had a heart-to-heart with Harry about Jessica.

[00:02:42] I laid out my concerns and the history of her behavior, hoping it might make him reconsider

[00:02:47] or at least think deeply about their relationship.

[00:02:50] He said he'd consider what I said, but didn't continue the conversation much more.

[00:02:55] Since then, we talk regularly as usual, and things seem normal between us.

[00:02:59] He didn't talk about Jessica often, but he didn't hide their relationship either.

[00:03:04] I really was happy it sounded like it might be dying off, though.

[00:03:07] I had no idea he was getting engaged to her until he announced it.

[00:03:12] I don't know if he's been telling other people in the family besides me, or if it

[00:03:15] really was just an abrupt decision.

[00:03:17] To make it worse, I'm worried that he told Jessica about our conversation 6 months ago.

[00:03:23] In her announcement on Facebook, annoying ring on hand photograph in tow, she wrote

[00:03:27] something like,

[00:03:28] I know not everyone in our families are supportive, but we have each other, and that's what matters.

[00:03:35] So he ignored my warning, and he told her all about it.

[00:03:39] Part of me wonders if I should just swallow my feelings for the sake of family harmony,

[00:03:43] but another part of me feels like I'd be betraying my old friend, my own values, and

[00:03:48] my brother by pretending to be happy about this engagement.

[00:03:52] And am I bad at holding back my truth?

[00:03:55] So am I the asshole for feeling upset and possibly wanting to voice my concerns again

[00:04:01] even though it might cause friction in my family?

[00:04:04] Or should I just keep my feelings to myself and let Harry make his own decisions and mistakes?

[00:04:09] I just feel like there's nobody I can talk about this with that will really understand.

[00:04:15] Edit

[00:04:16] Okay, thanks for all the responses people, I will take some advice.

[00:04:21] Talk to mom and explain exactly what it is that Jessica has done and try to make her

[00:04:26] understand.

[00:04:27] Talk to Harry about our conversation before and find out how much he shared of it with

[00:04:30] Jessica and how she responded to what I said.

[00:04:34] Potentially talk to Jessica.

[00:04:36] And seek therapy.

[00:04:37] Someday.

[00:04:38] Lol.

[00:04:39] I'm really not in a position to go no contact with my family, and I still do want them in

[00:04:43] my life.

[00:04:44] I might post an update but also it seems like the rules are kinda strict on this which is

[00:04:49] fair.

[00:04:50] Message me or something if you want to hear what happens.

[00:04:52] Lol.

[00:04:53] And we do have that update in a moment.

[00:04:55] So I am Irene comments on this one and quotes first saying, after my mom called me and told

[00:05:00] me that I was rude for not being excited.

[00:05:02] And then says no, you weren't.

[00:05:05] You just weren't excited.

[00:05:06] You are entitled to your own feelings.

[00:05:08] Then quotes again saying that I need to reconsider my behavior if I want to be invited to our

[00:05:12] vacation in the spring.

[00:05:14] And then says oh I see.

[00:05:16] So if you don't react the way your mother wants you to react, she'll exclude you from

[00:05:19] family events.

[00:05:20] Got it.

[00:05:21] That's messed up.

[00:05:22] I wouldn't worry too much if Jessica is aware of your conversation with your brother.

[00:05:27] If she is, at least she knows that you are wary.

[00:05:29] And rightly so.

[00:05:30] You are not the arsehole for feeling the way you do or for your reaction to the news.

[00:05:35] Your mother is a bit of an arsehole though.

[00:05:37] That's some class A manipulation she's using.

[00:05:41] Time will tell if things work out for your brother and Jessica or not, but as long as

[00:05:45] you are polite without compromising your personal values, things should be fine.

[00:05:50] If she decides to get nasty, don't hide your experience of it or your feelings about it.

[00:05:54] But also know that there are people who outgrow their immature tendencies and she could become

[00:05:59] a very decent person.

[00:06:01] This whole situation reminds me of that movie, You Again.

[00:06:05] Opie says,

[00:06:06] Thank you.

[00:06:07] To be honest, I'm kind of used to this kind of thing from my mother.

[00:06:10] She likes to hold stuff over our heads.

[00:06:12] One time, my siblings and I got forced to miss a play we were going to see because we

[00:06:16] weren't actually excited for it.

[00:06:19] Even though I had been learning all about it and was really looking forward, part of

[00:06:23] me wonders if she just didn't want to spend the money.

[00:06:25] I'm not sure that this is what's going on here though.

[00:06:28] I truly hope she's either outgrown it or Harry sees her nasty side before the wedding.

[00:06:35] Dear Midnight says,

[00:06:36] Everyone sucks here.

[00:06:37] Quotes rude for not being excited then says,

[00:06:40] Okay, your mum was wrong here.

[00:06:41] If you were not excited, you're under no obligation to put on a fake performance of

[00:06:45] excitement.

[00:06:46] Then quotes again saying,

[00:06:47] But I just kind of sighed and said nothing.

[00:06:49] Then says,

[00:06:50] And you were wrong here.

[00:06:52] You should have said congratulations with no sighing.

[00:06:55] Social norms require us to congratulate people when they have babies we don't think they

[00:06:59] should have had, get engaged to people we suspect that end up divorcing or graduate

[00:07:03] from college when we suspect they paid someone else to take their finals for them.

[00:07:07] We just can't go around being brutally honest all the time.

[00:07:10] Getting along matters too.

[00:07:12] Also, never tell something to one half of the couple unless you're comfortable with

[00:07:17] it being shared with the other half of the couple.

[00:07:19] Tempting Penguin says,

[00:07:20] You're the arsehole.

[00:07:21] Decisions have been made.

[00:07:23] You said your piece and that's all you can do.

[00:07:25] And at some point you'll realize being bad at holding back my truth will be a detriment

[00:07:30] to your social life and your work life.

[00:07:33] Jewcherry says,

[00:07:34] Not the arsehole.

[00:07:35] You don't have to act or be a best friend, but you should be cordial for your family's

[00:07:39] sake.

[00:07:40] As long as she's not actively causing issues, you should just leave it alone respectfully.

[00:07:44] Hopey responds saying,

[00:07:46] I'm just scared she'll cause issues for all of us down the line.

[00:07:50] And now that she probably knows I disapprove, she's going to try and turn them against

[00:07:55] me.

[00:07:56] And one more comment from Scary Sherbert who says,

[00:07:59] Honestly, you're the arsehole.

[00:08:00] She's a person that takes very little effort to grin and bear your way through a situation.

[00:08:04] She doesn't sound like she was a peach growing up.

[00:08:06] You have, by your own admission, very little experience of the person she is now.

[00:08:10] Why the fuck wouldn't your brother discuss concerning behavior with his partner, his

[00:08:14] future wife?

[00:08:15] And why on earth would you jump to them being headed for separation?

[00:08:19] You've made a lot of baseless assumptions.

[00:08:22] Judging by your mom's reaction, it sounds like you don't hide your dislike for the

[00:08:25] fiancé, but you've never bothered to explain it.

[00:08:30] And there was a lot of back and forth in the comments.

[00:08:32] A lot of people continuing with, you know, not the arsehole, you should be able to speak

[00:08:36] your truth.

[00:08:37] Other people saying, you know, you are the arsehole, you've said your piece, leave

[00:08:40] it alone now.

[00:08:41] But Hopey did come in with an update and said,

[00:08:43] So a lot of people have commented and sent me messages asking for an update to my previous

[00:08:47] post about my unenthusiastic reaction to my brother's engagement announcement.

[00:08:52] Well here it is.

[00:08:54] After reading people's replies, it sounds like the predominant opinion was that while

[00:08:58] I might not have been the arsehole immediately, I would've become one if I kept pushing

[00:09:02] too hard against my brother's relationship.

[00:09:04] And I really don't want Harry to think that I don't support him or to not talk to me

[00:09:08] about personal relationship matters.

[00:09:11] So I pretty much had decided to keep quiet and just go along with whatever Harry wanted.

[00:09:16] On Tuesday, he messaged me asking if I want to be a bridesmaid in Jessica's wedding

[00:09:22] party or a groomsmaid in his wedding party.

[00:09:26] After a little bit of back and forth, it became clear that he asked me because he knew I wasn't

[00:09:30] totally keen on Jessica but still wanted me involved with the wedding.

[00:09:34] I was trying to be supportive so I said it would be great to get to know Jessica better

[00:09:39] by being a bridesmaid, though I wasn't exactly looking forward to the experience.

[00:09:44] I admit though, I had a little bit of an ulterior motive.

[00:09:47] From what I know of Jessica, she completely changes how she acts based on who she is around,

[00:09:53] which is how she manipulated Harry into proposing of course.

[00:09:56] I thought that just maybe if I could show Harry how Jessica acts with her girls, he

[00:10:01] might reconsider his decision to marry her.

[00:10:04] Anyway, on Thursday, I got added to a Facebook messenger chat named Brilliant Bridal Bitches

[00:10:11] wherein Jessica laid out her ground rules for being in the bridal party.

[00:10:16] They are almost verbatim.

[00:10:18] 1.

[00:10:19] Participation in my bridal party is not just an honor, it's an investment.

[00:10:24] Be prepared to spend at least $1,000 on attire and accessories alone.

[00:10:29] I can make exceptions but only if you ask me.

[00:10:32] 2.

[00:10:33] I alone will dictate the narrative of my wedding on social media.

[00:10:37] Any premature posts, especially unflattering photos of me, will result in immediate expulsion.

[00:10:43] 3.

[00:10:44] Your weight will be monitored weekly.

[00:10:47] Anyone not fitting into their dress will be kindly asked to step down.

[00:10:51] This wedding will look picture perfect and I can't have you ruin the aesthetics.

[00:10:55] 4.

[00:10:56] From now until the wedding, I expect you to be on call 24-7.

[00:11:00] Wedding emergencies are real and your commitment to solving them will be a true test of your

[00:11:04] friendship.

[00:11:05] 5.

[00:11:06] You will fund and organize a lavish bachelorette party in my honor.

[00:11:10] Think exotic destination, luxury accommodations and Instagram worthy moments.

[00:11:15] 6.

[00:11:16] I expect you to have fun, not just for your sake but for me as well.

[00:11:19] Upon reading this, I just burst out laughing.

[00:11:22] Screenshot, click.

[00:11:24] I think I might be able to convince Harry from marrying Jessica after all.

[00:11:28] I'm just deciding now if I should play it cool or act like the rules are normal but

[00:11:32] bring it up with Harry.

[00:11:34] Or maybe show my mother because I know it would make her flip and almost certainly forgive

[00:11:39] me for sighing when Harry told us about the engagement.

[00:11:44] If I'm being totally honest, I got worrying vibes from that update and I feel like this

[00:11:50] is just one of those situations where it's going to all blow up in OP's face if they continue

[00:11:55] down this route.

[00:11:56] I think if you try to turn up to your brother with some kind of evidence pack, it's going

[00:12:01] to get flipped on you pretty quickly.

[00:12:04] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:12:08] Put yourself in OP's shoes.

[00:12:10] What would you do?

[00:12:11] What would you go ahead with?

[00:12:12] Would you have a different opinion on the matter?

[00:12:15] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

[00:13:15] From CriticalQuiet1434 that says,

[00:13:18] Am I the arsehole here for making my BFF of 4 years fall in love with me?

[00:13:25] It's been a crazy ride.

[00:13:27] I 30 female have a friend Megan 36 female who is from the small town we live in just

[00:13:33] outside the city.

[00:13:35] I moved from a larger city out of state to this town in 2019 and Megan and I have been

[00:13:40] friends since late 19 to 2020 onwards.

[00:13:44] We grew closer over time and we became quite the duo.

[00:13:47] We love doing things in the city, movies, concerts, opera etc.

[00:13:52] We met when I was volunteering at a shelter and simply hit it off.

[00:13:56] Things seemed fine and we remained BFFs.

[00:13:58] We hung out all the time, told each other everything and were there for each other for

[00:14:03] tough times.

[00:14:04] I had a great job in which I work remote so I'm able to help her and her wife Hannah

[00:14:10] out in watching the dog when they have to travel to visit family or go on vacation

[00:14:14] etc.

[00:14:15] Help when money is tight.

[00:14:17] And in turn I can be somewhat gun shy though I read as an extrovert.

[00:14:21] So they are great friends and helping me stay involved and helpful to the community.

[00:14:26] Problems started mid last year when Megan started acting very distant.

[00:14:30] She would ghost me for days on end and I just assumed she was busy.

[00:14:34] Hannah is more logistical than conversational so I've never questioned when she goes quiet

[00:14:39] for a time but Megan is quite extroverted.

[00:14:43] Over time I started to question but not too much.

[00:14:46] Then came holidays and birthdays.

[00:14:49] Megan gave me the wrong date, time and location for our party and got rather upset when I

[00:14:54] didn't go.

[00:14:55] I had not realised as the date I got was after the party and she seemed really mad that I

[00:14:59] would act like we don't mean anything to each other.

[00:15:02] I really did not think anything of it and cited the error of time and such.

[00:15:07] She texts back saying it was no big deal and we moved on.

[00:15:10] I hold a holiday party and oddly something similar happened.

[00:15:14] Hannah and Megan drove to the location of the party last year and when they contacted

[00:15:19] me I gently reminded that the location changed as it was really close by.

[00:15:23] They still didn't come to the event.

[00:15:25] I had gifts and text if I should drop them off at their house and Megan just texts back

[00:15:29] sure.

[00:15:30] So I did but they weren't home.

[00:15:33] I asked Megan to hang out later and mentioned that I felt things were weird and wanted to

[00:15:37] talk it out.

[00:15:39] My treat.

[00:15:40] She seemed thrilled.

[00:15:41] Then I waited for 4 hours and she never came by.

[00:15:44] I had my computer and saw a movie texting her the updates so I was just sitting the

[00:15:48] whole time but she never got back to me.

[00:15:51] So to be transparent I was angry.

[00:15:53] I felt hurt and that Megan did not value me or my time.

[00:15:57] I text Hannah to say things were weird with Megan and ask if there is something I don't

[00:16:01] know about going on.

[00:16:03] I assumed a death in the family or something personal and Hannah let me have it.

[00:16:08] She called me right away and told me off calling me every name in the book.

[00:16:12] She told me I was overly friendly and she knew what I was doing and gave examples.

[00:16:17] I often pay when Megan and I have out.

[00:16:20] I dress slutty when we go to the city.

[00:16:23] Megan compliments me but not Hannah.

[00:16:26] Megan gave me a thoughtful gift for my birthday but forgot Hannah's birthday.

[00:16:30] I am single but don't date which Hannah indicates that I'm sleeping with someone

[00:16:35] on the sly.

[00:16:36] And more but it was all happening so fast I couldn't pinpoint them.

[00:16:40] Megan and I are friends and I do make good money in my work from home job so I pay for

[00:16:44] things.

[00:16:45] Megan has a wife and family and lots of responsibilities.

[00:16:48] I am single with no family and am responsible for myself and my pets.

[00:16:52] I never saw Megan as anything more than a bestie but Hannah seems to think otherwise.

[00:16:57] I was so shocked I let her scream at me for what felt like 20 minutes and then she said

[00:17:02] that you made her fall in love with you and you think I will just take that and started

[00:17:09] telling me how I disrespected her by making Megan fall in love with me.

[00:17:13] I never ever knew anything about this.

[00:17:15] I thought Hannah and I were friends.

[00:17:17] I would invite her but she often opted to stay home.

[00:17:21] I never knew any of this.

[00:17:22] Am I the asshole here?

[00:17:25] Now it sounds like you've just been thrown in the middle of their marital issues here.

[00:17:30] This isn't your fault.

[00:17:31] You thought from what you said you just had a best friend and you can't make her fall

[00:17:35] in love with you.

[00:17:36] And I wonder is there the possibility of meeting up with them both and discussing this matter?

[00:17:41] I mean that could go totally the other way couldn't it really?

[00:17:44] I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not.

[00:17:47] And many of the comments were saying that you're basically just being caught in the

[00:17:50] middle here but Opie comes in with her update and said it's been a weird update and then

[00:17:55] sort of gives an overview of what just happened but then continues saying well I gave them

[00:18:00] both space after that but we were friends on Facebook and Hannah at first posted vague

[00:18:05] but pointed posts about homewreckers and how pick me girls are a plague etc.

[00:18:11] I texted her and Megan both and Hannah sent the laughing emoji and said oh did it hit

[00:18:16] too close to home?

[00:18:18] And more.

[00:18:19] She kept posting and I didn't respond to any of it.

[00:18:22] Even after Hannah shared one of those posts in a chat she and I have on Facebook.

[00:18:27] Then after a week or so of that and me not replying or acknowledging it she tagged me

[00:18:32] in the next set.

[00:18:33] It was then I blocked her, blocked Megan and some of the mutual friends I knew would take

[00:18:38] sides.

[00:18:39] It's a small town and I went to the movies.

[00:18:41] We only have one good theatre in town and I was waiting on someone reading in a chair

[00:18:46] in the restaurant area.

[00:18:47] It's a movie eatery place and here hi my name and look up to see Megan.

[00:18:53] She is with some guy I don't know and is smiling at me.

[00:18:57] My whole body runs cold.

[00:19:00] I went to the movies and invited a friend out all with the desire to decompress and

[00:19:04] shake off the stress and now this.

[00:19:07] She is acting chill and I know I was tense but managed hi.

[00:19:11] And Megan introduces a friend, don't remember his name, didn't care, I was trying to find

[00:19:16] an out.

[00:19:17] Many people in town had been treating me weirdly, coldly or outright mean because someone told

[00:19:23] them I'm a home wrecking pick me.

[00:19:26] I don't want to deal with Megan.

[00:19:28] I already had been looking at apartments in the city to move out of this town and meet

[00:19:31] new friends and start semi over.

[00:19:34] Megan picked up that I didn't want to talk and excused her and a friend to see their

[00:19:38] movie.

[00:19:39] I get a text later saying she sensed tension and apologized for being distant and that

[00:19:44] she wanted to know if we could move past this or, in her words, are we over?

[00:19:49] Huh?

[00:19:50] I just text back that she could not have possibly been unaware of Hannah's post.

[00:19:55] Megan was tagged too and my attempts via text and calls to figure this out.

[00:19:59] It's been months and I've been treated like some biblical harlot or some BS.

[00:20:04] I do want her to be happy but this long of silence and she's expecting me to pick up

[00:20:08] from before all this like nothing happened.

[00:20:12] I said if you want to talk we can talk.

[00:20:14] If we are ever to possibly be friends again we would need to but we need to address what

[00:20:19] your wife is alleging and why.

[00:20:22] She just text back Hannah and I are divorcing.

[00:20:25] I haven't responded.

[00:20:27] That was about a week and a half ago and tonight she only text me a question mark.

[00:20:32] I don't know if I should respond or how to respond.

[00:20:35] It's hard for me to throw away any type of friendship especially with someone I once

[00:20:39] described as a best friend.

[00:20:41] It has been really stressful, sad and frankly isolating in a small town being treated like

[00:20:46] I ruin lives for a living.

[00:20:48] I haven't decided what to do but this reminded me that I posted here so I guess I'm looking

[00:20:54] for advice.

[00:20:55] What the hell do I even do?

[00:20:59] Now I'm not sure if this is the right approach or not in this situation because I've never

[00:21:03] experienced like small town life or anything like that and if it's even worth going down

[00:21:09] this path because obviously there's going to be potential for more drama but the way

[00:21:14] you're being viewed and isolated at this moment kind of me is just like what else have you

[00:21:18] got to lose?

[00:21:19] I kind of feel like I would be saying to Hannah you know if anything's ever to come out of

[00:21:24] this as in friendship of course I'd want her to get all this cleared up like get on social

[00:21:30] media and say like this has nothing to do with OP.

[00:21:32] She didn't even know what was going on because it's so incredibly unfair that you've just

[00:21:37] been caught in the middle of their messy breakup and you're the one who's being viewed

[00:21:42] by everyone like this.

[00:21:44] It's mad but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:21:47] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:21:49] Do you think that would potentially be a good idea, a bad one?

[00:21:53] How would you go about it?

[00:21:54] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:57] Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's

[00:22:00] stories your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me so thank

[00:22:05] you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:22:09] Take care and much love.

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