I Upended My Life For Another Woman But Then She Cheated On Me r/Relationships

[00:00:00] Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation.

[00:00:07] They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous two-year contracts, they said,

[00:00:13] What the f*** are you talking about, you insane Hollywood a*****?

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[00:00:30] Hey, hey Waffle Gang. I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

[00:00:41] And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too.

[00:00:47] And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:52] Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account who says,

[00:01:22] I was with my ex-wife for eight years. We got together when I was 20.

[00:01:27] We have a kid who is turning five on Thanksgiving.

[00:01:30] When I met Marie, I was married and happy and she had a fiance.

[00:01:35] Marie threw a wrench in that. We formed a connection I never thought possible.

[00:01:40] I could talk to Marie for hours all day. She was extremely beautiful.

[00:01:45] The best looking woman I have ever been with.

[00:01:48] One of the hardest things to do was to tell Amanda I was in love with another woman.

[00:01:52] It crushed her. She refused to sign the divorce papers and demanded we go to therapy.

[00:01:58] Eventually she gave in, but that was hard seeing a woman I still care for be in so much pain.

[00:02:04] She doesn't talk to me unless it's about our kid and that hurts.

[00:02:08] But I did all that for Marie.

[00:02:10] I even moved across the country from Virginia to Seattle because Marie wanted to be on the West Coast.

[00:02:16] I don't get to see my little girl as much as I want because she's still in Virginia.

[00:02:20] Despite all that, she left.

[00:02:23] We had a great marriage and I did so much to keep her happy and it wasn't enough.

[00:02:28] No warning. Last week I found out she's leaving.

[00:02:31] I'm depressed. I've just been laying in bed. I don't know what to do.

[00:02:36] Edit. I'm still involved in my daughter's life with the hateful comments criticizing my parental decisions.

[00:02:43] I call her just about every day. Edit 3. I never cheated on Amanda.

[00:02:48] I broke things off before I did anything romantic with Marie because I respected Amanda too much.

[00:02:54] I still care for her. She was my friend and is still the mother of my child.

[00:02:59] As always we have some comments with responses but it says unfortunately cheaters cheat.

[00:03:04] Now you know what you put Amanda through.

[00:03:07] I'm sorry for your pain, but let it guide you to better choices in the future.

[00:03:11] Hopey says yeah, I had no idea she was that type of person.

[00:03:15] We both made sure to end things with our significant others before pursuing anything romantic.

[00:03:20] Unfortunately she's been having an affair with this guy for two months now.

[00:03:25] Couldn't even give me the respect of ending things with me first.

[00:03:28] Hopey also leaves a comment saying so if you fell in love with someone else and realized you were never in love with your significant other, you would just ignore it.

[00:03:37] Limsy replies that saying well, you put yourself in a position to fall in love with someone else.

[00:03:42] But if I put myself in this spot, I would go to couples therapy to understand why and how I got to that point and figure out how to co-parent.

[00:03:50] If you had done therapy, you may have figured out how you let yourself be in an emotional affair without even realizing it.

[00:03:57] You might want to do some research into limerence.

[00:04:00] Talk to a therapist and decide whether or not you were really in love with Marie.

[00:04:04] You changed the trajectory of your life and your ex-wife, your child and Marie's fiancee's lives for a woman who is apparently a serial cheater.

[00:04:13] Did you ever question why she wanted to live on the west coast?

[00:04:17] Wonder if it was to control or limit your interactions with your exes and daughter.

[00:04:21] Hopey says I still wouldn't call it an emotional affair.

[00:04:25] Had Amanda really wanted to do therapy when I told her then tried to make things work.

[00:04:30] I go back and forth because when I told her she thought it was something she did, she kept asking what did she do to make me unhappy.

[00:04:37] There was nothing. She was a great girlfriend, wife and mother.

[00:04:41] Sometimes I wonder if I just tried therapy.

[00:04:44] Would we at the very least still be friends?

[00:04:47] It hurt her a lot that I didn't fight for our marriage.

[00:04:50] Once she realized I wasn't budging and wasn't willing to try anything, she became cold to this day.

[00:04:56] I want my friend back.

[00:04:58] And as you can imagine, there wasn't much sympathy down in the comments.

[00:05:02] A lot of people concerned about Hopey not prioritizing their child in this situation.

[00:05:07] Even though Hopey says I call her every day, it's just not enough is it?

[00:05:11] Hopey comes in with her first update and says I'm starting to finally heal.

[00:05:15] I probably won't date for a long time but I'm starting to hang out with my friends more.

[00:05:20] I was very depressed for a month and I still am.

[00:05:23] I've tried to rekindle my friendship with Amanda but she's not interested.

[00:05:27] She told me she still loves me even after everything and she wishes she didn't.

[00:05:31] That hurt.

[00:05:32] She told me how I feel about Marie is how she felt when I left her.

[00:05:36] I reassured her that it wasn't her, it was me and that Marie brought out something that I've never felt before.

[00:05:43] I told her she was a great wife and she will find someone who loves her the way I love Marie.

[00:05:49] Even after all that she told me she doesn't want to talk to me unless it's about her daughter.

[00:05:54] It has ironically been more cold.

[00:05:56] The good news is I started a new hobby.

[00:05:59] I've been going roller skating.

[00:06:01] We formed this amateur team and the people there are really amazing.

[00:06:05] I keep myself busy by doing all sorts of activities.

[00:06:08] And we have some more updates in a couple of comments in a second but I still fire myself and it might sound a bit heartless for me.

[00:06:15] I always try to look at like different points of view from different people's perspectives, etc.

[00:06:19] But I'm really struggling to find any sympathy.

[00:06:23] The update so far sounded very sort of me-ish.

[00:06:26] It's about me which I get it is his account.

[00:06:28] It's his life.

[00:06:29] He wants to talk about himself and he seems shocked that Amanda still wants nothing to do with him.

[00:06:35] And there was little information about how he's moving on, how he's trying to reconnect with his daughter in any way.

[00:06:42] It just feels like there's nothing there.

[00:06:44] It's like, oh, I'm getting a new hobby.

[00:06:46] You know, life's moving on kind of thing.

[00:06:48] But Slab Beefpunch says there's nothing ironic about her coldness.

[00:06:52] You're acting like it doesn't make sense.

[00:06:54] It does.

[00:06:55] You don't give a single solitary shit about Amanda.

[00:06:58] You're just lonely and trying to convince her to let you use her until the next Marie comes along.

[00:07:03] Thankfully, you're the dumbass in this conversation.

[00:07:06] You showed your ass and she was smart enough to give it a great big kick.

[00:07:11] Your ex-wife is not a stand-in for the star of your romantic life.

[00:07:15] She's your ex.

[00:07:16] She doesn't even remotely care that you're lonely and she shouldn't.

[00:07:20] She has her own life to live.

[00:07:22] Opie says, here we go again.

[00:07:24] As I explained before, I do care about Amanda more than anything.

[00:07:29] She was my friend.

[00:07:30] I knew her for a long time.

[00:07:32] I tried to stay friends with her following our divorce.

[00:07:35] This isn't a new thing.

[00:07:37] She is the one who rejected my friendship for years.

[00:07:40] I completely understand why, but I didn't just decide out of the blue I want to be friends.

[00:07:45] She knows I want to be friends with her, but the ball is in her court.

[00:07:49] It has been the entire time.

[00:07:51] So around four months later, Opie added another post saying how long after divorce to start dating again?

[00:07:58] Opie says, I'm going through a really bad divorce where my wife cheated and I planned on staying single for a while.

[00:08:04] The thing is, I'm starting to develop a crush on this person I go bowling with.

[00:08:08] I've been depressed and started doing activities to keep myself busy.

[00:08:12] It is the first time I started having feelings for someone else.

[00:08:16] What's holding me back is I still love my ex.

[00:08:19] I got a new job and will be moving from Seattle to Phoenix soon.

[00:08:23] Next post was titled, My Ex Wife Is Dating Again Even Though She's Still In Love With Me.

[00:08:29] How do I show her that's a bad idea?

[00:08:32] I've tried to condense this as much as possible.

[00:08:35] I was with my first wife Amanda for eight years and have a beautiful daughter.

[00:08:39] Unfortunately, during our marriage, I fell in love with someone else.

[00:08:43] That woman ended up cheating on me and leaving me.

[00:08:46] I tried to maintain a friendship with Amanda because even though I realized I didn't love her, she was still my friend.

[00:08:52] Anyway, I was talking to a mutual friend and she told me Amanda put herself out there and went on a date and has been talking to this guy.

[00:09:01] After we got off the phone, I called Amanda but she didn't answer.

[00:09:04] So I text her we need to talk.

[00:09:06] Amanda eventually calls back and I ask her about our daughter.

[00:09:10] Our daughter spent the weekend at my parents house.

[00:09:13] She told me she will pick her up in the evening.

[00:09:16] I told her this is a serious question.

[00:09:18] I asked her, Are you still in love with me?

[00:09:21] She said unfortunately with an attitude.

[00:09:24] I said then, Why would you think it's a good idea to date right now?

[00:09:28] She got angry and said that is none of my business.

[00:09:32] I told her, I'm coming to you as a friend.

[00:09:34] Dating while still in love with me is not going to help.

[00:09:37] She said, a therapist said it's time to put herself out there.

[00:09:40] I told her that a therapist sounds like a horrible therapist.

[00:09:44] She told me to shut up.

[00:09:46] He said, You know how much this has impacted me.

[00:09:49] He said, I loved you and always tried to be a great wife for you.

[00:09:52] And that wasn't good enough.

[00:09:53] I interrupted her on the phone and just said, Amanda.

[00:09:56] I then told her that I get it.

[00:09:58] When Maria left, my second wife, I couldn't even finish my sentence before she said,

[00:10:03] You're a fucking prick.

[00:10:05] She hung up, blocked me and blocked me on Facebook.

[00:10:08] I don't know.

[00:10:09] I'm trying to look out for her because she is the mother of my child.

[00:10:12] But another post after that one titled, My ex-wife's infidelity has caused me not to trust anyone.

[00:10:19] It says, I didn't realize it until last night.

[00:10:23] I just moved to a new place and my neighbor was taking me to drinks.

[00:10:27] And she said, You don't open up much, do you?

[00:10:30] I hope I can go back to the old me.

[00:10:32] But my ex-wife took something from me.

[00:10:34] I was more vulnerable with her than any other woman, including my first wife.

[00:10:39] She taught me what love is.

[00:10:41] I made so many sacrifices for that woman and she still cheated.

[00:10:45] I've been keeping myself busy as it is, as it hasn't been six months since it happened.

[00:10:51] But when I make new friends like my neighbor, it's hard to let my guard down.

[00:10:55] I just wanted to ask her, Why are you so nice?

[00:10:58] What's your end goal?

[00:11:00] I didn't do that obviously, but I miss the old me.

[00:11:03] And OP's final post was, Self-reflection and misconceptions.

[00:11:08] I've been taking in a lot of people's comments and I have a lot to say.

[00:11:12] Most of the comments have been mean and hurtful.

[00:11:15] That being said, I decided to use it to self-reflect and grow.

[00:11:19] Some common things I learned.

[00:11:21] People feel like I'm not taking accountability for what happened to Amanda.

[00:11:25] I want people to know that I take full responsibility.

[00:11:29] I have to learn that even though my intentions were in the right place, that doesn't change the hurt.

[00:11:35] People think I want Amanda back.

[00:11:37] Not true.

[00:11:38] I want people to know that I do empathize with what happened.

[00:11:41] I care about her and want her to find someone.

[00:11:44] I just don't think it's healthy to date while in love with someone else.

[00:11:48] People think I abandoned my daughter.

[00:11:50] Not true.

[00:11:51] I'm doing my best to be in her life.

[00:11:53] Still, I do take accountability for the pain I unintentionally caused Amanda.

[00:11:58] I still care about her and want what's best for her.

[00:12:01] I fell in love with another woman and wish I didn't.

[00:12:04] I was horrified when it happened.

[00:12:07] Right now I just need someone in my corner.

[00:12:09] I need comfort and to heal.

[00:12:11] I hope this clears up any misconception.

[00:12:14] Before you comment on my post, understand that I take full responsibility.

[00:12:17] I'm looking for ways to grow as a person.

[00:12:20] I can't be the father I want with my mental health in the gutter.

[00:12:23] And that is why I need comfort and doing things to help me get out of this depression.

[00:12:27] And there was a comment below this one pointing out that OP was talking about that they couldn't really afford to move back at the moment.

[00:12:35] But then had a post about budgeting for a new car and budgeting around 60 grand to do so.

[00:12:42] You know, I really want to think that there is some sort of self reflection there because the alternative is you know, you carry on down this path.

[00:12:51] Nothing changes and these kind of things continue to happen, which isn't a good thing, is it?

[00:12:56] As always, not excusing any of the behavior, but continuing down this path of the way it is, is absolutely awful.

[00:13:03] Nobody wants to see it.

[00:13:04] But at the same time, the self reflection that I read in that last part didn't feel genuine to me.

[00:13:10] It just felt like saying what people want to hear or what he thinks, what people want to hear.

[00:13:15] I have people back him up, but I don't know.

[00:13:19] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:13:22] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:13:25] Let's move on to another story.

[00:13:42] Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds.

[00:13:47] Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation.

[00:13:53] They said yes.

[00:13:54] And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous two year contracts, they said, what the f*** are you talking about?

[00:14:01] You insane Hollywood a**hole.

[00:14:03] So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month.

[00:14:08] Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch.

[00:14:11] $45 upfront for three months plus taxes and fees.

[00:14:13] Promoting for new customers for a limited time.

[00:14:14] Unlimited more than 40 gigabytes per month.

[00:14:15] Slows. Full terms at mintmobile.com.

[00:14:17] And our next story comes from the relationship advice subreddit from Time Travel Paradox who says,

[00:14:25] My husband is never jealous and I'm growing resentful.

[00:14:29] I've been married to my husband for 12 years.

[00:14:31] 13 together, 3 kids.

[00:14:34] We proposed six months after we got together and told me he knew by the second date.

[00:14:39] He's indeed very practical and rational.

[00:14:42] He's also very caring, kind and supportive.

[00:14:45] Just really a wonderful partner.

[00:14:47] Except for one thing.

[00:14:49] He doesn't get jealous.

[00:14:50] Like at all.

[00:14:51] By that I mean if someone flirts with me, we'll just chuckle and move on.

[00:14:56] Sometimes leaving me to deal with them alone.

[00:14:59] When his friend's father spent the entire night of his son's wedding hitting on me, he just said pfft, what a loser and moved on.

[00:15:06] I even had an ex write a poem and post it and tagged me.

[00:15:10] So he just said wow cool.

[00:15:12] And when I say how come you're not jealous, he says why would I?

[00:15:16] I trust you.

[00:15:17] Last week I reached my boiling point.

[00:15:20] A month ago there were some workers transferred to our department.

[00:15:23] Among them was my ex.

[00:15:25] We broke up amicably.

[00:15:27] He moved to a different country and we kept a very shallow contact.

[00:15:31] Like once a year for a happy birthday text.

[00:15:33] When I went home I immediately told my husband.

[00:15:36] And he said cool.

[00:15:37] Then he started talking about something else.

[00:15:40] I snapped.

[00:15:41] Not my proudest moment but I said are you serious?

[00:15:44] I just told you I'm working with the ex I stayed with for years and you don't care.

[00:15:49] He said what do you want me to say?

[00:15:51] I know you.

[00:15:52] And I know you're extremely loyal.

[00:15:54] I know you will never cross any boundaries.

[00:15:57] I completely trust you so why would I be jealous?

[00:16:00] Now I know I will never cross any boundaries.

[00:16:04] We never had that issue in our relationship.

[00:16:06] I'm crazy about my husband.

[00:16:08] He is the one and only.

[00:16:10] I've spent my life showing him how much I love him because I really do.

[00:16:14] But being jealous I see it as an expression of love.

[00:16:17] And him being so cold and indifferent is making me resentful and I hate it.

[00:16:22] It just feels like he has taken me for granted.

[00:16:25] I am hurt and he has been more affectionate than usual.

[00:16:29] But I haven't referred to that argument again.

[00:16:31] How do I navigate these feelings?

[00:16:33] It seems silly but I am hurt.

[00:16:36] Now for me this feels very much like an OP problem, not a husband problem here.

[00:16:41] He's very very secure in his relationship.

[00:16:44] He trusts OP and loves OP 100%.

[00:16:48] But OP wanting her husband to be jealous isn't a healthy thing in my opinion.

[00:16:53] And the word being jealous is an expression of love.

[00:16:56] It's just like nah.

[00:16:58] Croningmarbleindex says,

[00:17:00] Why are you so angry about the fact he trusts you?

[00:17:03] You must have learned control and possessiveness means love.

[00:17:06] It does not.

[00:17:08] OP says, God, I never thought about it that way.

[00:17:11] Thank you.

[00:17:12] And there was many comments saying very very similar things and you know that mindset isn't quite right.

[00:17:18] So OP comes in with an update and says hello again.

[00:17:21] So I got a lot of messages, advice and yes insults.

[00:17:24] It is okay. I see why.

[00:17:26] By the way, I just had a baby and someone told me this is important.

[00:17:29] It might have added to my insecurities.

[00:17:32] I followed your advice and talked to my husband.

[00:17:35] I started by apologizing to him and he said it is okay.

[00:17:38] I just want to understand where this is coming from.

[00:17:41] So I explained, by jealous I didn't mean him getting controlling or violent or even throwing a fit.

[00:17:47] I understand I expressed myself poorly.

[00:17:50] I meant I wanted him to show he cares enough to have a back off attitude.

[00:17:54] Let's be hits on me in front of him or just ask how it is at work.

[00:17:59] I'm not caring.

[00:18:00] I took it as him taking me for granted and not loving me or finding me attractive.

[00:18:05] He was shocked.

[00:18:06] He laughed and said, How did you jump from me trusting you to me not loving you?

[00:18:12] Lol.

[00:18:13] He then explained his side.

[00:18:14] He said a lot.

[00:18:15] Here is the gist.

[00:18:16] I don't get jealous because I feel it is disrespectful to you.

[00:18:20] I don't say anything either because I keep thinking you don't need my protection.

[00:18:25] But I see your point and that I will change but I'm not jealous because the notion of you betraying me is just foreign.

[00:18:32] I know you and I know how much you love me and believe me that I will not take that for granted.

[00:18:38] There were many instances that cemented my trust in you.

[00:18:42] For example, one month after we started dating, I saw you turning down a guy who looked like a movie star.

[00:18:48] We hadn't even talked about being exclusive yet.

[00:18:51] I didn't know he saw that when you stood by my side when I lost my dad, when you sold your dear car because I needed an urgent surgery.

[00:18:59] Anytime you initiate sex, I'm singing inside the sweet notes I find randomly in my bag, etc.

[00:19:06] The point is, I feel secure and comfortable.

[00:19:09] You have any idea how rare that is?

[00:19:12] I work with a lot of guys.

[00:19:14] I hear horror stories.

[00:19:15] While there is me who can't wait to finish to go running back home to be with you.

[00:19:19] I told him about how he feels when I sometimes get jealous.

[00:19:23] He just laughed.

[00:19:24] He said, I always find it cute that you think I can see and be with someone else.

[00:19:28] I am all yours, body, soul and heart.

[00:19:31] This man, he then said, had an ex who kept on flirting with guys and then eventually cheat.

[00:19:37] It was nerve wracking.

[00:19:39] I was on edge, anxious, worried.

[00:19:42] Now I'm at peace.

[00:19:43] So me trusting you is me loving you and being at peace, knowing that we can be an ocean apart and know you will respect us.

[00:19:51] Now let me ask you about this ex.

[00:19:53] Have you had any inappropriate conversations?

[00:19:56] Any one on one lunches and dinners?

[00:19:58] Any lines crossed?

[00:20:00] And I said no, no, and no, of course.

[00:20:03] He just smiled and said, I knew it, but I can see I've not been yourself lately.

[00:20:08] I am sorry if I did anything that makes you doubt how much I love you.

[00:20:12] We'll work on that.

[00:20:13] I promise.

[00:20:14] Then he got to the part that I was avoiding.

[00:20:17] He said, given how and where I was raised and how my parents have been, he isn't surprised.

[00:20:22] I missed up jealousy for love.

[00:20:24] In context, my parents have been together for years and should have divorced years ago.

[00:20:29] There's a constant cycle of love and hate relationship.

[00:20:33] Had used to even beat me and then say that it was because he loves me so much and is worried about what kind of person I will be.

[00:20:40] So we talked about therapy.

[00:20:42] I will be going next week.

[00:20:44] He also suggested a couple's counseling because he wanted to learn how to be a better husband.

[00:20:49] We also talked about different love languages, future plans, etc.

[00:20:53] He called his ma, his mom, and asked her to take care of his kids while we went on a date.

[00:20:59] We had dinner and then had ice cream.

[00:21:01] When we reached our home, I was just laughing hard at his dad jokes.

[00:21:05] It kind of is his thing.

[00:21:06] He suddenly hugged me long and said, Welcome back love.

[00:21:09] I missed you.

[00:21:10] I melted.

[00:21:12] So now he is sleeping with his head on my lap.

[00:21:14] I wanted to thank you all for your advice, kind and even harsh words.

[00:21:19] I needed them.

[00:21:20] Be honest, I'm still scared of therapy because I know how ugly it is going to get.

[00:21:25] Maybe this is why I've postponed it for so long.

[00:21:27] But my family and I deserve to have my own best version.

[00:21:31] So if that means slaying some inner demons, then I'll do it.

[00:21:35] Thank you again everyone.

[00:21:37] Wow.

[00:21:38] What an amazing husband in this situation got me choked up a little bit in there, especially towards the end where OP says, you know, slaying some inner demons.

[00:21:47] And realizing that, you know, it was the it was seeing their parents relationship.

[00:21:52] This may have caused these issues.

[00:21:54] Going to therapy to explore that is definitely the right way to go about it.

[00:21:59] And whatever happens for the future for both of you, it sounds like you do have a wonderful relationship and I hope it continues that way.

[00:22:07] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:22:11] I think that's a little wholesome ending there.

[00:22:13] But let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:22:16] Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:22:20] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:22:23] So thank you so, so much.

[00:22:25] And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:22:28] Take care and much love.

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