I Turned Up To My Ex's Family Home For Dinner Whilst His New Girlfriend Was There r/Relationships

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[00:01:03] This situation is long and messy, so I'll try to include the relevant info only.

[00:01:09] I, female 32, broke up with my longtime partner, male 33, right before COVID hit.

[00:01:15] We stayed in the same house during lockdown and continued to live together after lockdown was lifted.

[00:01:20] Because we generally get along and we had a child, female 11, to raise together.

[00:01:25] Over the last three years, we've been roommates and co-parents and that's it.

[00:01:30] One day, he was supposed to take our daughter to buy new school clothes and she came back 10 minutes later in tears.

[00:01:37] She said they were on their way to the store when his new girlfriend called

[00:01:41] and he drove her back home and dropped her off so he could go spend time with her.

[00:01:46] He even asked our daughter to lie to me for him, but she was tired of covering for him,

[00:01:52] implying she'd been lying for him for a while now.

[00:01:54] When he got home, we had a massive argument.

[00:01:57] I didn't care if he dated other girls.

[00:02:00] I cared that for some reason, he thought he had to sneak around and it made him act like a joke to me and our daughter.

[00:02:06] I told him if he had been a man about this new girl and just introduced me to her, then maybe we could have all been friends.

[00:02:12] But instead, he had to act like a horny teenager.

[00:02:16] It ended with him moving out to live with his parents.

[00:02:19] A couple of days later, he called and apologized.

[00:02:22] He said he hoped it wasn't too late for him to do things right and he hopes we can all be friends.

[00:02:27] I was hopeful that we could finally co-parent in peace for the sake of our child.

[00:02:32] This is where I may be the arsehole.

[00:02:35] I have always been close with my ex's parents, to the point where even after we broke up,

[00:02:40] I would be invited over regularly for dinner.

[00:02:43] They said even if I wasn't their son's partner, I'm still their grandchild's mother and that makes me family.

[00:02:50] So one day when my daughter texts me while I'm at my ex's parents house and invites me to dinner because they're having my favorite meal.

[00:02:57] I don't think twice about coming over, even though my ex and his girlfriend I've never met now live there.

[00:03:03] I figured everyone had to be okay with it since my daughter was inviting me.

[00:03:08] I end up having dinner with my ex's parents and daughter, but my ex only comes upstairs to grab two plates of food and then goes back downstairs.

[00:03:16] I ask my ex's mom why and she says his girlfriend doesn't feel well today.

[00:03:20] Whatever, I think. She's just sick and I'll meet her another day.

[00:03:25] Have a perfectly pleasant dinner with my ex's in-laws, help clean up and make a promise to bring them coconut cake, ex's father in-laws favorite, and take my daughter home.

[00:03:35] Later, my ex blows up my phone with texts and calls saying it was so weird and rude that I came over for dinner uninvited.

[00:03:44] That I made his new girlfriend uncomfortable and like she wasn't welcome there.

[00:03:49] And that I caused trouble in their relationship because she assumes we must still be in love for me to come over and see his parents out of the blue like that.

[00:03:57] Because ex's don't do that. It's creepy.

[00:04:00] I had a talk with my daughter and asked her calmly if she had asked everyone else if it was okay if I come over before she texts me.

[00:04:07] And she sheepishly said she didn't know she had to ask since it had never been a problem before.

[00:04:13] I didn't tell her about her dad's meltdown at me or tell her dad that she's the one who invited me.

[00:04:18] She's a child and shouldn't be involved.

[00:04:21] Instead, I just told him I'm sorry me dropping by made things awkward.

[00:04:25] And I thought he wanted us all to be friends from now on and I figured this was a good place to start being friends.

[00:04:31] He said there was no way she'd want to be my friend now that I made her feel uncomfortable in her own home.

[00:04:37] It wasn't my intention to make anyone uncomfortable.

[00:04:40] But I admit I'd be perturbed if he brought this woman into my home and had not even been warned first.

[00:04:46] So, am I the asshole?

[00:04:49] Man, that ex sounds like such a child in this situation.

[00:04:54] And it sounds like the former in-laws had no problem with it and you had a good time and all that sort of stuff.

[00:04:59] And it's good to keep that relationship with them as well because they're the grandparents etc.

[00:05:04] I could potentially understand a bit of awkwardness from the girlfriend at first.

[00:05:09] But she also needs to understand that you two have a child together so your lives are going to be intertwined.

[00:05:15] But OP came in with her first update and said,

[00:05:18] Hey all, I saw a post here recently about not getting a lot of updates to stories submitted to this blog yet and I figured I could give mine.

[00:05:25] Even though it's a sad one.

[00:05:27] I also maybe need to vent a little about the situation.

[00:05:30] Under the cut safe people's dashboards.

[00:05:32] From now on, ex's new girlfriend will be Kim, ex father-in-law will be father-in-law and ex mother-in-law will be mother-in-law.

[00:05:39] I'll start from the day after the dinner and try to give a concise recap of events.

[00:05:44] The day after the dinner I bring father-in-law the coconut cake I promised but not wanting to stir up trouble.

[00:05:50] I text him I'm bringing it over instead of dropping by and announce like I normally would.

[00:05:54] Father-in-law meets me on the porch instead of inviting me in like he normally would.

[00:05:58] I gathered from his distant but polite tone and body language that he was basically shooing me away.

[00:06:04] I was hurt that a man who had always treated me like a daughter was being cold.

[00:06:09] But I didn't say anything about it and I left.

[00:06:12] Over the next couple of weeks my in-laws continued to hold me at arm's length where once I would consider them not only family but close friends.

[00:06:21] I used to take mother-in-law to doctor's appointments and shopping trips but texts asking her about her next appointment or inviting her to come shopping with me went unanswered.

[00:06:30] I used to go fishing and go-karting with father-in-law but these invites also stopped.

[00:06:35] I had a sneaking suspicion my ex was behind the sudden change in my ex-in-laws and I also started to notice a change in my daughter.

[00:06:44] Because my ex and I were never actually married, there was no actual custody agreement between us.

[00:06:50] She would just text her dad if she wanted him to come pick her up or text me if she wanted to come home.

[00:06:55] She's always been a daddy's girl and spent more time with him than she did at home with me.

[00:07:00] And I was fine with that.

[00:07:02] But after the dinner she spent a lot more time home with me.

[00:07:05] And one day she went with her dad only to call me within the hour crying and asking me to pick her up.

[00:07:11] On the way home I gently reminded her that she could talk to me about anything, even if it was hard.

[00:07:16] That adjusting to her dad having Kim in his life would be a challenge.

[00:07:20] But if she had any problems she could tell me and I would help her fix them.

[00:07:24] And she told me what had transpired over my ex and Kim's relationship from her point of view.

[00:07:30] My ex and Kim had been dating for about 6 months before my daughter told me.

[00:07:34] And she pretty much knew about it from the beginning.

[00:07:37] My ex told her she couldn't tell me about it and she agreed because she didn't want us to fight.

[00:07:42] My ex also had Kim around my daughter from the beginning.

[00:07:45] And my daughter was wary of her at first but started to like her.

[00:07:49] There were people saying that I should meet Kim before she was around my daughter.

[00:07:53] That ship unfortunately sailed long ago.

[00:07:56] The day after the dinner mother in law texted my daughter and basically said

[00:08:00] you're not in any trouble but don't mention your mom around Kim again.

[00:08:04] My daughter texts back asking why and she said it's just easier not to upset her.

[00:08:09] Kim started doing all the things with my ex in laws I used to do.

[00:08:13] She took mother in law to doctor appointments, she took mother in law shopping,

[00:08:17] she went fishing with father in law and tried to replicate my coconut cake.

[00:08:21] My daughter tried talking to her dad and said it felt like Kim was trying to replace me.

[00:08:26] And my dad just said she's just being their daughter in law, your mother isn't their daughter in law anymore.

[00:08:31] My daughter is stubborn and insisted it wasn't fair that her mother was being excluded from the family.

[00:08:36] Her dad just kept repeating she's not family, to which my daughter yelled she's my mom that makes her more family than Kim.

[00:08:43] At this, Kim apparently got up and left the room while my ex ran after her.

[00:08:48] Kim didn't just leave the room though, she took her keys and got in her car and drove away.

[00:08:53] My ex drove after her, mother in law and father in law started scolding my daughter

[00:08:57] saying she needed to apologize to Kim when she got back.

[00:09:00] That's when my daughter called me in tears and asked me to come pick her up.

[00:09:04] She's insisting that she doesn't want to go back over there until they all apologize to her, and I don't blame her.

[00:09:10] I'm honestly at a loss at all of this.

[00:09:13] My ex never had a problem with me being close with his parents even though we were broken up.

[00:09:18] Hell, I was the one who stayed with mother in law in the hospital for 4 months after she had a heart attack and subsequent heart surgery in 2021.

[00:09:26] I was the one who went to doctor's appointments and organized her medications and helped her with physical therapy.

[00:09:32] I was the one cooking meals every night and bringing them to father in law because both he and my ex had been spoiled rotten by mother in law and don't know how to cook for themselves.

[00:09:42] I was the one cleaning the house for them for over a year while mother in law recovered.

[00:09:46] I did it all because I love them, not just as a family to my child but as dear friends.

[00:09:52] I don't know if this sudden change in behavior is how my ex felt all along or if Kim had something to do with it,

[00:09:58] but I suspect it's a combination of both.

[00:10:01] My ex has weaponized incompetence down to an art form and I suspect now that he has a replacement woman to take care of him and his aging parents, he no longer needs me to do it.

[00:10:10] But that's basically all that happened over the last month.

[00:10:13] Radio silence for me from people I used to love dearly and then pushing my daughter away till she ran home in tears.

[00:10:20] As sad as I am for me, my heart breaks tenfold for her.

[00:10:24] And like you say, so far this is just so heart breaking for your daughter.

[00:10:28] Them all telling her to lie to you about it, that must be like the feelings for her in herself.

[00:10:33] 11 year old, so conflicting for her and messing with her mind so much, them telling her to lie to you about it.

[00:10:39] But an additional comment from OP says thank you for your perspective.

[00:10:43] It's only been a couple of days since my daughter called me crying and she's been distracting herself with school and friends.

[00:10:48] So I haven't really had time to sit her down and talk about how she's feeling about it all.

[00:10:52] All I've asked her is if she wants me to tell her if her dad tries calling and she said yes.

[00:10:56] She wants to know if he tries to call.

[00:10:59] She's had monthly online therapy sessions since her dad and I first broke up.

[00:11:03] The first thing I did in light of this was contact a therapist and schedule for an emergency in-person session soon.

[00:11:10] I've seen several people mention contacting a lawyer and getting custody agreements set up.

[00:11:14] But I'm a little ashamed to admit it hadn't occurred to me to do that.

[00:11:18] My ex hates anything to do with court proceedings. It's almost an irrational fear of his.

[00:11:23] He once had a panic attack over getting a jury duty letter.

[00:11:27] So part of me thinks he won't take this to court but the other half of me knows that I don't even know this man anymore.

[00:11:32] And I'm absolutely not leaving anything to chance.

[00:11:35] I'll be looking into getting a lawyer as soon as possible and see if we can get some sort of emergency custody order

[00:11:40] that says she doesn't have to go back there until the matter of split custody is decided.

[00:11:45] The top comment on that one said,

[00:11:46] Your mother-in-law sounds like a total enabler to her son's incompetence.

[00:11:51] I'm kind of wondering why you let your daughter be around that in the first place.

[00:11:54] Hope he says, oh trust me, there's a point of contention.

[00:11:58] I was with my ex since high school and she used to subtly try to tell me I should be pampering her baby boy like he deserves.

[00:12:05] But I think she eventually got the message that I wasn't someone who he pushed around.

[00:12:10] She hasn't tried to tell me how to run my household or raise my child in many, many years.

[00:12:15] My daughter is also super stubborn, just like me.

[00:12:18] She knows her grandmother has very traditional views on a woman's place in the home and thinks those ideas are stupid

[00:12:24] and she'll tell mother-in-law such to her face.

[00:12:27] I've never seen mother-in-law try to guilt my daughter or make her feel lesser than for not agreeing with her though.

[00:12:32] I used to think maybe mother-in-law was proud of how stubborn and willful my daughter was

[00:12:36] and wish she could have been like that when she was young.

[00:12:38] Now I'm not entirely sure what's going on in her mind.

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[00:13:50] Next update. I honestly did not think I'd be updating this post any longer.

[00:13:54] In the last couple of months, I've gotten a lawyer and have been working out custody with my ex which was rough at first then calmed down.

[00:14:01] I don't want to go into too many details because this situation doesn't really involve me anymore, just my ex.

[00:14:07] And he is still my daughter's father so I'll give the short version.

[00:14:11] When my ex was contacted by my lawyer, he started blowing up my phone saying I was trying to take his daughter and all his money away from him.

[00:14:18] How could I do this to him because he would never do this to me etc etc.

[00:14:23] I shut that down quick and told him I didn't want a dime from him.

[00:14:27] He just wanted some assurance that the agreement we already had in place, daughter stays with me but is free to visit him, stays in place.

[00:14:34] He kept trying to say lawyers were unnecessary because he wasn't going to try and take her.

[00:14:38] I stuck to my guns and he eventually caved.

[00:14:41] Meanwhile, I had my own things to sort through and so did my daughter.

[00:14:46] It took a while to fully own the fact that I definitely contributed to the pain she is now feeling.

[00:14:51] When I broke up with my ex, I comforted her by telling her nothing would change.

[00:14:55] We were still living together, that her dad moved out and still I told her nothing will change.

[00:15:01] I'll still be active in father-in-law and mother-in-laws lives.

[00:15:04] I'll still go over there with you all the time.

[00:15:06] And while that was a nice thought, it didn't really prepare my daughter for the reality that families change all the time and change doesn't have to be bad or scary.

[00:15:15] This whole time she was basing her mental health on the idea that nothing about her family will change.

[00:15:20] So Kim's introduction slowly started to crumble away that feeling.

[00:15:24] But change is good, change is normal.

[00:15:28] I may not like being cut off from father-in-law and mother-in-law, but they are not wrong when they say I'm not family anymore.

[00:15:35] They're not wrong for trying to be welcoming to the new woman in their son's life.

[00:15:39] It sucks, but life goes on.

[00:15:41] Anyway, my daughter has been going over there for a few hours about once or twice a week with lots of caveats that she, her dad and I all agree to.

[00:15:49] She gets to decide when she comes over.

[00:15:52] Her dad can invite her, but she's allowed to say no and he can't argue.

[00:15:55] No one will force her to interact with father-in-law, mother-in-law or Kim if she doesn't want to.

[00:16:01] No one will take her anywhere if she doesn't want to go.

[00:16:04] If anyone makes her uncomfortable, she'll leave and walk to Diane's house and call me to come pick her up.

[00:16:09] Diane is a co-worker of mine who lives three blocks away and has known my daughter since she was a baby.

[00:16:15] This arrangement has been working out and my daughter has said everyone has been extra nice to her, but they haven't actually said sorry for anything they did.

[00:16:23] She slowly started to seem happier and happier over there and asked if she could go to father-in-law's birthday party because her aunt and uncle from out of state would be visiting with her cousins.

[00:16:32] I said yes.

[00:16:34] Well, tonight she came home and told me a doozy of a story.

[00:16:38] I love a doozy.

[00:16:39] The party was great.

[00:16:41] Everyone was having a good time and my daughter's older cousin was showing her how to play the Nintendo 64.

[00:16:47] Oh, classic.

[00:16:48] Kim was nowhere to be found.

[00:16:50] Apparently, she didn't feel good again and my ex went downstairs to check on her.

[00:16:55] Suddenly, they hear him screaming,

[00:16:57] Where is it? What did you do with it?

[00:16:59] Everyone got quiet and looked at the stairs when my ex stomped up and said everyone had to turn out their pockets because the money was missing from father-in-law and mother-in-law's safe.

[00:17:09] For some context, this safe is locked under the stairs and needs a key and combination to get into it.

[00:17:14] It has important documents for the whole family and emergency cash in it.

[00:17:18] Father-in-law, mother-in-law, my ex and now Kim are the only ones who know the combination and the only key is hidden in father-in-law and mother-in-law's room.

[00:17:27] My ex went downstairs to check on Kim and she was asleep in bed but the door to the cupboard under the stairs was open.

[00:17:33] He got a bad feeling and checked the safe and about $2,000 was missing.

[00:17:38] She woke him up and she cried and said she had been asleep the whole time and someone must have come down and stole the money while she was sleeping.

[00:17:45] I was pretty gratified to hear that my ex's family are nowhere near as naive as he is and immediately tore into him for believing that lie.

[00:17:53] None of them had a key or knew the combination and all of them had been hanging out in the living room.

[00:17:58] Kim cleans father-in-law and mother-in-law's room all the time and knew where the key was.

[00:18:03] He told Kim the combination.

[00:18:05] Kim was downstairs the whole time.

[00:18:07] Kim is the only person who could have done it.

[00:18:09] He tried to defend Kim and told everyone to leave her alone but father-in-law put his foot down and told his son to find the money or he'd call the cops to do it.

[00:18:18] My ex went back downstairs to talk to Kim and everyone upstairs could hear sobbing and calling him names.

[00:18:24] She went to get in her car and my ex followed her.

[00:18:27] What did he see sitting in her backseat?

[00:18:29] A bag stuffed to the brim with money.

[00:18:31] A bag that wasn't there a few hours ago.

[00:18:34] My ex tried to stop Kim from leaving but she tore out the driveway like a bat out of hell.

[00:18:38] Father-in-law and mother-in-law are furious and want to press charges and my ex is begging them not to saying he can get her to bring it back.

[00:18:45] I don't know where this is going to go next but honestly I'm kinda glad Kim and my ex didn't take me up on my original offer to be friends because holy shit.

[00:18:55] Hoppy gives their final update which says after the party.

[00:18:58] I didn't press my daughter to tell me anymore about the Kim situation in case she didn't want to talk about it.

[00:19:04] But she shared with me on her own that her ex found her the next day and she had only spent $50 of it which she paid back.

[00:19:11] And he returned the money to father-in-law and mother-in-law who decided not to press charges.

[00:19:16] Kim was not allowed back in mother-in-law and father-in-law's house after that so she and my ex broke up.

[00:19:22] Almost a week later I got a call from my mother-in-law.

[00:19:25] The first one I had gotten from her since August.

[00:19:27] She started out by apologizing for not talking to me in so long and invited me over.

[00:19:32] This time I did ask who was going to be there and she said it was just her and father-in-law in the house.

[00:19:38] Ex was at work.

[00:19:39] I said I'm not sure I should come over if it would be upsetting for my ex and she said to hell with him it's my house and I invited you.

[00:19:46] So I went over that evening.

[00:19:48] Father-in-law was glued to the TV and just nodded at me when I came in.

[00:19:52] Mother-in-law led me into the kitchen to talk privately.

[00:19:55] This time she apologized for being so distant and said it was my ex's idea that she and father-in-law cut all ties with me.

[00:20:02] I asked where he got the idea since it was never a problem before and she said he didn't want to upset Kim.

[00:20:09] She said walking on eggshells to not upset Kim was apparently a common occurrence while she was living there.

[00:20:14] That she could be perfectly sweet and friendly but the second you did anything to step on her toes she would get in her car and leave and swear she's never coming back.

[00:20:22] In fact she told me a great deal of things I didn't know about Kim and that my daughter was too young to ask about or notice.

[00:20:29] For instance, Kim is 52 as I mentioned before and has 3 grown children.

[00:20:38] She was living with her oldest son when she met my ex but after about 8 and a half months of them dating her son kicked her out and she had nowhere to stay.

[00:20:47] So she moved in with father-in-law and mother-in-law and my ex.

[00:20:51] Why? She's a drug user.

[00:20:53] Mother-in-law knows Kim was on drugs because she admitted it to father-in-law.

[00:20:57] Father-in-law is a retired cop and noticed some strange behavior from Kim like sudden bursts of energy followed by collapsing and a deep sleep, mood swings and irritability coming and going at odd hours of the night etc.

[00:21:09] Father-in-law confronted both her and my ex with this information and they admitted she was addicted to drugs but insisted she was getting treatment for it.

[00:21:18] Apparently that's actually how Kim and my ex met.

[00:21:21] My ex is a recovered alcoholic.

[00:21:23] He was never brought up until now because it wasn't relevant to the situation until now.

[00:21:27] He was really bad when we were young but I assumed he had been sober since 2015.

[00:21:32] Unbeknownst to me he had slipped back into his drinking habit sometime in later 2022 when we were still living together.

[00:21:39] I was there for him when he was at his worst and can say with 100% certainty he wasn't acting as bad as he was back then but he did stay out late a lot and always seemed tired.

[00:21:49] I just assumed he was working late or hanging out with friends or hooking up with women.

[00:21:53] We weren't a couple at that point and I felt it wasn't any of my business what he spends his nights doing as long as it didn't affect our daughter and at that point I didn't believe it was.

[00:22:04] Fortunately he realized on his own he needed to stop before he spiraled too far out of control and recognized he could not stop on his own.

[00:22:12] He joined a local drug and alcohol addiction program and that's where he met Kim.

[00:22:17] They were in different programs but those programs were in the same building.

[00:22:21] They ran into each other by chance and hit it off and started dating.

[00:22:25] Apparently my ex even confessed to trying Kim's drug of choice but swore up and down he was a recreational user only and wasn't addicted.

[00:22:33] Mother in law and father in law said Kim could only stay with them if Kim continued treatment and all the drug usage in their house stopped and my ex and Kim agreed.

[00:22:42] Then the party happened and mother in law clarified a few things about that for me.

[00:22:47] What happened at the party?

[00:22:49] When my ex went downstairs to check on Kim that day he could tell she'd been taking drugs so he went to tuck her into bed.

[00:22:55] To get into their bedroom you have to walk by the stairs and he noticed the door leading under the stairs was open just a crack when it's usually latched shut.

[00:23:03] He put Kim in bed and went to check it out and didn't see anything wrong but he didn't trust it and opened the safe just to check.

[00:23:10] At this point I interrupted and asked why Kim even knew the combination.

[00:23:14] Mother in law just said my ex said she needed to know it in case of an emergency and she was stupid to agree to that.

[00:23:21] They usually keep 10k in cash in the safe for emergencies but my ex counted it twice and was sure 2k was missing.

[00:23:28] My ex freaked out and shook Kim and shouted at her asking where it went.

[00:23:32] She said she didn't take it. He came back up to accuse the rest of the family.

[00:23:36] He lied and said Kim was sleeping the whole time to avoid mentioning she'd been taking drugs in his parents house but couldn't keep denying Kim had to have done it when everyone else kept telling him she was the only one who could have.

[00:23:47] He went back downstairs to confront her.

[00:23:49] She yelled that he scared her when she shook her and screamed in her face for no reason.

[00:23:54] He told her she was the only one who could have taken it.

[00:23:57] She kept denying it and he kept pushing.

[00:23:59] So she got her bag, stuffed a few clothes inside and went out the back door to her car.

[00:24:04] She threw the bag in the back seat so the hard stuff inside spilled out.

[00:24:08] My ex saw several stacks of money rubber banded together, just like the money in the safe is.

[00:24:14] He tried to open the car door but she'd already locked it and sped out the driveway.

[00:24:19] The next day he found her in her car in the parking lot of her oldest son's apartment building.

[00:24:24] She'd asked if she could stay there with them.

[00:24:27] He said no.

[00:24:28] So she spent the night in her car.

[00:24:30] She cried and said she hadn't been to her treatment program in weeks and now she needed money to pay some people back and she was scared.

[00:24:36] My ex said he didn't care, give him back the money.

[00:24:39] She gave him back all but $50 that she had spent.

[00:24:42] He said she needed to pay him back in a week or he'd call the cops on her.

[00:24:46] And after a few hours later, she did.

[00:24:49] She also came with her daughter to pick up the rest of her things from mother-in-law and father-in-law's house, just a couple of days before mother-in-law called me.

[00:24:56] So what happened next?

[00:24:58] Leading up to Christmas, both father-in-law and mother-in-law kept in touch with me, almost to the point that they had pre-Kim.

[00:25:04] I was cordial and polite with them but kept my distance.

[00:25:07] Mother-in-law even tried dropping hints that she wanted me to clean the house for them at one point and I just directed her to a number for a cleaning service.

[00:25:15] Quite proud of myself for that one.

[00:25:17] However, my daughter stayed in close contact with them and held out hopes that I was going to go over there for Christmas like I did every year.

[00:25:24] I tried gently reminding her that might be awkward for everyone and she just insisted it wouldn't be awkward because Kim's gone now.

[00:25:31] And besides, if I didn't go to father-in-law and mother-in-law's house, I'll be alone on Christmas.

[00:25:36] My only living family are on the other side of the country and we're not close at all.

[00:25:41] And according to my daughter, that was unacceptable.

[00:25:44] Then it happened.

[00:25:45] On Christmas Eve, my ex texted me that he needed to talk to me and my daughter and came over to tell us he was getting back together with Kim.

[00:25:53] Kim's back.

[00:25:54] He said he'd been talking to her and she said she's sorry about taking the money,

[00:25:58] that her plan was to use it to pay back some bad people who'd been scaring her and then replace it before anyone noticed it was gone,

[00:26:05] that he believed she was really sorry and really would do better and he wanted to be with her again and give her a chance to prove she can change.

[00:26:13] I didn't say anything but my daughter, bless her heart, just said,

[00:26:17] My ex looked annoyed at her tone but continued and said he was there to invite her out to dinner with him and Kim,

[00:26:23] because Kim had already apologized to mother-in-law and father-in-law and wanted the chance to apologize to her too.

[00:26:29] My daughter was quiet and looked uncomfortable.

[00:26:32] I told her she could make whatever choice felt right and I would support her.

[00:26:36] To his credit, my ex did too and said if she didn't want to be around Kim, he wouldn't make her be.

[00:26:42] She ended up saying she didn't want to go to dinner right then but maybe later she would change her mind.

[00:26:47] Then she brought up Christmas and I asked if I could still come over.

[00:26:51] My ex's face fell.

[00:26:53] He said he doesn't think Kim would be comfortable with me coming over.

[00:26:56] My daughter lost it at this and so did I, but just internally.

[00:27:00] She already proved that she would steal from the family at a social gathering less than a month ago.

[00:27:05] She hasn't done anything to make up for that yet but she still gets to go to Christmas and I don't.

[00:27:11] My ex just said it was already decided that Kim would be there for Christmas and my daughter throwing a tantrum over it wouldn't change it.

[00:27:18] And after he and her exchanged some more heated words, he left.

[00:27:22] I tried telling my daughter I am absolutely 100% fine not being invited to Christmas

[00:27:27] and she should still go if she wants to because it would make me sad if she felt like she has to pick me over the rest of her family.

[00:27:34] I told her if she can't forgive her dad yet, she should still go to see her cousins and aunt and uncle

[00:27:39] and she can ignore him the whole time if she wants.

[00:27:41] It took a while but she eventually agreed she still wanted to go.

[00:27:45] That is until she started getting texts.

[00:27:48] The texts.

[00:27:50] First mother in law text my daughter saying she was disappointed in her for causing drama on Christmas Eve.

[00:27:55] Now everyone else agreed to suck it up and be nice to Kim for Christmas and she should too.

[00:28:00] While she was showing me that text with tears in her eyes she got another one from her aunt that said shame on you.

[00:28:06] I can't believe the way you've been talking to your father.

[00:28:09] This sent my daughter down a spiral.

[00:28:11] She realized her dad had been talking about her to the rest of the family and probably twisting the situation to make her look bad.

[00:28:18] Her, a 12 year old girl.

[00:28:20] Y'all I know I've made a lot of mistakes in this situation.

[00:28:23] I know I've been naive.

[00:28:25] But I feel like I've been a saint going out of my way to make sure my daughter doesn't resent her dad for any of this.

[00:28:31] I've been telling her over and over again that he's her dad and he loves her and he wants what's best for her.

[00:28:37] But this, I can't talk him out of this.

[00:28:39] I don't know where to begin.

[00:28:41] She begs me not to make her go over there for Christmas because she doesn't want to face her whole family.

[00:28:47] Not knowing what her dad has told him about her.

[00:28:49] I told her of course she doesn't have to.

[00:28:52] I text my ex that our daughter doesn't feel safe going over there for Christmas anymore and my phone stays silent.

[00:28:57] But my daughter's phone blows up.

[00:28:59] She ended up blocking most of her family to get them to stop texting her and cried herself to sleep.

[00:29:05] Since then, I've not tried to get my daughter to contact her dad since the 12th, 24th, 23rd.

[00:29:11] He's called her a few times since then and she mostly just answers him with short one or two word answers.

[00:29:17] She doesn't go places with him anymore.

[00:29:19] She doesn't want to go see him anymore.

[00:29:21] He's called me a few times to accuse me of turning his daughter against him.

[00:29:25] But it's pretty easy to shut him down with,

[00:29:27] Would you want to talk to someone who turns everything you say against you to your own family?

[00:29:32] I'm sure he's told his whole family a slew of colorful things about me but I don't care.

[00:29:38] And none of them are reached out to me with vitriol, just a 12 year old child.

[00:29:42] Imagine that.

[00:29:43] I don't know what's going on with Kim or mother-in-law or father-in-law anymore and I don't care.

[00:29:48] I'm just focused on trying to bring my daughter back to that loud, boisterous, stubborn kid she used to be.

[00:29:53] And I think we're getting there slowly.

[00:29:55] Therapy is helping her and I'm so, so glad I got that custody arrangement when I did.

[00:30:18] And the daughter just deserves so much better than that.

[00:30:21] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:30:24] How would you deal with it if it was you?

[00:30:27] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:30:30] And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:30:33] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:30:37] So thank you so, so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:30:40] Take care and much love.

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