I Told My Wife She Couldn't Do It Without Me, Turns Out She Could r/Relationships

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[00:00:30] Like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too unless crack on with today's first story. Which comes from Get a Life from the Am I Wrong and Relationship Advice Subreddit and says,

[00:00:41] oh my wife, female 35, that she couldn't do it without me, male 34. Turns out, she can. My wife and I don't fight much and when we do fight, we usually communicate well afterwards and things go back to normal.

[00:00:56] I brag to my friends about how reasonable my wife is and her ability to communicate and empathize is something I deeply admire. She doesn't hold grudges, she talks me through my rough times. Until now.

[00:01:10] Due to a fire, my wife is out of work but still earning her salary. Thanks insurance. We decided she would stay home with our young son while out of work.

[00:01:20] She doesn't love child rearing which is something we knew go in into having kids. Honestly, it's hard to tell. She's a great mum, present and loving even when I see she struggling inside.

[00:01:32] I give my wife a lot of breaks. We co-parent, split bedtime routines for our two kids. We both pull our weight. Yesterday was a snow day. My daughter was home with my wife and son.

[00:01:45] I was working from home downstairs all day. I helped my daughter with cyber school until noon. My wife was with my son in the snow or morning, plowing the drive and sidewalks etc, maintaining the house.

[00:01:58] My daughter joined their men from the sound of things and some videos. She brought her friends over for playing in hot chocolate. I worked until around five. And when I went upstairs it was chaos.

[00:02:10] My wife was doing laundry and helping my daughter who fell and hurt herself on the ice. She sent home the friends and we had dinner.

[00:02:17] I did the cleanup and right after finishing. Keep in mind I've been downstairs working all day, not even a bathroom break after noon.

[00:02:25] I go into the playroom and my wife approaches me. It goes like this. She says, hey can I go lay down for a bit? There may be a fence. I admit I made a face and I said, I haven't gone to the bathroom all day. I put cookies in the oven.

[00:02:40] I can tell I messed up just by the face she gave me. She said, fine never mind forget I asked heaven forbid.

[00:02:48] Now I'm sensing some attitude and I know I've misstepped here. So I say no it's fine I'll take care of it all go take a break.

[00:02:57] To my complete shock in front of our kids who admit I don't pay much attention but I still close my wife says.

[00:03:04] I said never fucking mind. Been running around on my feet all day watching our kids and other people's kids and heaven fucking forbid I asked for 20 minutes to myself.

[00:03:14] I again say go take a break I told you it was fine but she's clearly lost her marbles and is seeing red. She starts cleaning up and helping with the kids and I do too.

[00:03:25] I tried to overcompensate but she just took over caring for them and they listened to her.

[00:03:30] In the hall I said, I think you forget I work all day and she viciously says thanks for reminding me I almost forgot.

[00:03:38] I feel like an ass. I get that she works hard caring for the kids but I work hard too.

[00:03:44] I think not having a job and escape is making a reaction to this fight worse. She texts me the next day with a usual communication.

[00:03:51] She expressed how upset she felt with my behaviour and the way I acted towards her.

[00:03:56] She said when she was feeding and taking care of six kids all day in the snow alone that still cleaned the entire house and keep cleaned our craft room.

[00:04:04] I explained that I'm stressed at work and I didn't get why she's so upset since I offered her a break and she said I don't want your pity breaks.

[00:04:13] She ended it with thanks for the apology by the way but yeah I didn't exactly apologize but for what?

[00:04:20] And then she asked for the number to my daughter's piano teacher. The piano teacher was the only activity that I managed for my kids.

[00:04:27] I found out she texts her asking to go through my wife from now on and she'll be managing the schedule.

[00:04:33] Normally my wife would text me asking if I can get my daughter from dance on my way home yesterday.

[00:04:39] I do this every week. I didn't hear anything and when I got home I found out my wife dropped and picked her up.

[00:04:46] I confronted my wife with, I'm very present with my children do not make me out to be an absent father.

[00:04:52] My wife responded with, I didn't manage and ask for your help you'd see them a quarter of the time you do now and I'm done managing you.

[00:05:00] I get it. I should have just smiled and agreed when she asked for help but this is extreme.

[00:05:06] She's having a fit and trying to ice me out of my relationship with my kids. It's so petty!

[00:05:12] It's like I don't even know this woman.

[00:05:14] John is the reasonable level-headed communicator.

[00:05:18] So if you've made it this far thank you and please please tell me if I'm wrong here.

[00:05:23] Now this one, you know, yeah I think you're absolutely wrong in this. It sounds like she's been taking the mental load if you're like for a while now and this particular fight is what just pushed it over the edge.

[00:05:36] You know she's had enough of it. You went through all the list about how you co-parent and everything split and you both pull your weight but then you were saying stuff like even though it's like part of your routine to pick your child up from, collect your daughter from dance, you have to be reminded to do it every single week.

[00:05:54] And a weird thing that I found about it, I'm not sure if I read it wrong but because you didn't hear anything you just went home and found out your wife dropped and picked her up.

[00:06:02] You never went to the place anyway to collect her. You just went straight home. I found that a bit weird but again I may have misread that.

[00:06:08] And clearly there's a lot more going on below the surface because you know her response to you saying if I didn't manage and ask you for help you'll see them a quarter of the time you do now.

[00:06:18] And I'm done managing you. And the conversation that you had in the middle there it clearly felt like it was just passive aggressive once you asked to go lay down for a bit you know you made a face and said I'm going to the bathroom all day and then the weird, which I found really weird is that you said

[00:06:32] and I put cookies in the oven. I mean what? And you make out that she's clearly like you said losing her marbles and seeing red in the situation and your talent had to go take a break but

[00:06:42] like it even comes across in text form that it sounds like she said like not even pity but it's just like fine fine going take a break kind of thing.

[00:06:51] And then you responded with at the very end saying I think you forget I work all day which pretty much just says it all about the conversation doesn't it?

[00:06:59] Like I said though there's clearly far more going on and it feels like this is just the tip of everything something that sent it over the edge.

[00:07:06] So there was some replies from the OPE on OPE taking the initiative and giving the wife a break OPE says you're 100% right.

[00:07:14] And normally do say that she asked me for a break at least three times a week to take a bath or go read and I almost always immediately say yes it was just an off moment

[00:07:24] and I know I reacted poorly but she's completely trying to ice me out. I have to argue with her this morning just to let me take my kiss to school because she said she'd do it.

[00:07:34] And the kids just went along clinging to her and when I push back my kids started crying for her.

[00:07:40] She had to calm him down and insist going with that is fun just to undo what she did.

[00:07:45] He was fine going with me but it's messy and so unnecessary. I'm scared with her behavior.

[00:07:51] I love my wife and I don't want to push her away.

[00:07:54] Some more information on the wife's schedule and OPE says my wife has two days during the week without my son or daughter.

[00:08:02] She's been painting the house in deep cleaning.

[00:08:05] My son has gone from 8 to 2 and my daughter 9 to 3 Monday and Friday both.

[00:08:11] I think this no-day broker but hopefully she'll come around and be sensible.

[00:08:15] I've never known her to ice me out or stop communicating and it's freaking me out.

[00:08:20] It's a little bit why I think there is more to this fight.

[00:08:23] And I give you a couple of the comments just for a cheeky little gist of it all.

[00:08:27] Kitchen victory 7964 says and quote OPE saying,

[00:08:32] She's having a fit and trying to ice me out of my relationship with my kids and then says you have that backwards.

[00:08:37] She's been trying to prevent you from icing yourself out of a relationship with your kids and now she's done putting in that effort.

[00:08:43] Seriously, why do you ever loving Slati Barthas?

[00:08:47] I may have totally pronounced that wrong.

[00:08:51] It's a character from the Hikers guide but they continue.

[00:08:55] Does she need to remind you every week to pick up your daughter after dance?

[00:08:59] Why? Did it not occur to you to use the calendar on that spiffy smartphone you know doubt own and set an ongoing reminder for the pickups?

[00:09:07] That's a pretty strong indicator you seriously don't care about spending any mental energy on your family and expect your wife to be your personal secretary.

[00:09:15] Your daughter boss and she's also not your servant.

[00:09:18] You are in fact supposed to be her partner, none of the child for her to manage.

[00:09:23] It's definitely not about the Iranian yogurt.

[00:09:26] At it yes you are wrong, the icing on the cake was throwing around a childish expression after she told you she needed a break from the kids.

[00:09:33] Absolutely really at work there.

[00:09:36] And one more comment from a senior Pupus, lovely name who says,

[00:09:41] If she said she's done managing you that means she feels like you are adding to her stress and it's easier unless stressful for her to do things on her own without asking you.

[00:09:51] That's not a good sign but it's fixable.

[00:09:54] Perhaps you need to take the initiative and know what's going on, what needs to be done without her having to ask you or interact with you about it.

[00:10:01] Yes you work all day but it's not helpful to highlight that.

[00:10:05] You're fueling the idea that this is a competition and it likely inspires resentment when you do that.

[00:10:11] For example when she asked you about going to lie down.

[00:10:14] You could have just said okay but first can you give me a few minutes to go to the bathroom?

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[00:11:25] So OP comes back in with our updates around a week later and says,

[00:11:30] I made one stupid selfish comment to my wife a week or so ago and now my life is in disarray.

[00:11:36] My wife is in some crisis. Her work is closed and she's being paid, but she's home with our kids now, including one three-year-old.

[00:11:44] She gets breaks on Monday and Friday with childcare.

[00:11:47] She went into having kids knowing she wanted to be a working mother.

[00:11:51] So this has been an adjustment to say the least.

[00:11:54] Onto the ongoing fight. She spent a long day with our kids and the neighbouring kids

[00:11:59] and when I came upstairs from work and she asked for a break I didn't respond well.

[00:12:03] I made excuses and didn't offer help and for the first time in years my wife lost her temper and cursed at me.

[00:12:10] Like an idiot I dug in and thought I was right.

[00:12:13] I admit we both said some unkind things but after Reddit humbled me and she made me sit down and write a list of things

[00:12:19] I did for the family that day and compared it with her, longer list, I apologized.

[00:12:24] She accepted and figured things would go back to normal.

[00:12:28] They haven't. My wife used to include me in parenting our kids.

[00:12:32] I did dance pick up most weeks and bedtime was split. I gave baths, made dinner, all the stuff.

[00:12:38] Since our fights my wife hasn't asked me for any help with the kids.

[00:12:43] The first morning I woke up on what was supposed to be my morning with the kids.

[00:12:47] I figured she was just being nice or trying to prove a point but it keeps happening.

[00:12:52] She didn't even send them down to say good night last night.

[00:12:55] Normally my wife does the silly game where she sends my son to ask me to read five books and then we wouldn't negotiate down to one or two and race upstairs.

[00:13:05] Last night I heard her racing him and came up to find her doing bedtime yet again.

[00:13:10] The kids haven't even noticed just like she's replacing me.

[00:13:14] When we were fighting I said something really dumb that's living inside me and festering.

[00:13:19] My wife was being nasty and said, you wouldn't see the kids a quarter as much as you do.

[00:13:24] I didn't arrange it and I'm done managing you.

[00:13:27] I defended myself. I'm not an absent parent and said something along the lines of, I'd like to see how long you manage without me.

[00:13:34] Consider my foot officially in my mouth.

[00:13:38] She started running again. She's cooking really healthy and often.

[00:13:42] Every night I come home to my perfectly happy, steppered wife.

[00:13:46] She's eating it all without me and I feel empty inside.

[00:13:49] How do I fix this? I don't even know where to begin.

[00:13:53] At this point I want a beggar to go back to how things were.

[00:13:56] This wasn't what we agreed on.

[00:13:58] I don't know if this feels like an unfair comment to say because I'm not in that position, etc.

[00:14:03] But I feel like the information is all there that you two act on it.

[00:14:07] You've even quoted it again in your update saying, quoting your wife saying that she's done managing you.

[00:14:13] But then you went on to say that, you know, normally my wife does this silly game.

[00:14:17] Where she's trying to get you involved with your son.

[00:14:20] But you're waiting for it again rather than, you know, getting yourself involved, etc., etc.

[00:14:25] Sure, apologising is one thing but you've basically been told what the issue is and I think you need to act on that.

[00:14:32] But usually rights says, I don't know, step up, get involved without her organising it or instructing you.

[00:14:38] Are you really this daft?

[00:14:40] Opie says it's difficult when they prefer her and she seems to do everything better than me.

[00:14:45] I work often as well, it helps to have her give me a heads up on the plan with the kids but I'm getting now that maybe that's done an over with.

[00:14:54] Someone else says to Opie about basically doing more and Opie says I'm fucking confused okay?

[00:15:00] I've had this perfect life with an amazing successful wife and a great job.

[00:15:04] We juggle two careers and two kids like champions always communicating who is where doing what activity working together to manage the American dream of doing it all.

[00:15:14] And my wife's job burns down and she's home all the time doing everything.

[00:15:18] She gets stressed and we fight and now she's totally different.

[00:15:22] I don't give a fuck about war meals and a step for the wife, I want my wife, my partner, my teammate and yes my fucking manager back.

[00:15:30] She was amazing and now I managed to fuck it up like always by sticking my foot in my mouth.

[00:15:36] She's still perfect, only now I know she's not doing what she wants and that I have failed her in some way that seemed to have broken her or maybe fixed her.

[00:15:44] I don't know like I said I'm confused and apparently an idiot.

[00:15:49] Someone says to Opie about maybe his wife just wants an equal partner and Opie says you won't believe me anyways.

[00:15:55] I've been with my wife since we were kids, 15 or 16.

[00:15:58] I know this woman she loved doing it all and she was amazing at it.

[00:16:02] She always bragged about being a work in mum but she never put down women that stayed home.

[00:16:07] Her mother was a stay at her mum they got married super young.

[00:16:10] My wife didn't want that life who used to joke about her earning more than me so I could stay home.

[00:16:16] She never complained about the kids schedule either.

[00:16:19] She did drop off at daycare and I did pickups, get a rhythm and flow.

[00:16:23] I think not being home during the day with them made us soak in the time at night more than maybe I did.

[00:16:29] I don't know but I honestly think she was happy and Opie explains his wife's work schedule.

[00:16:36] Opie says my wife works as animals and makes her own schedule.

[00:16:39] She can schedule days off whenever so she is more flexible.

[00:16:43] She's home to take the kids into daycare and then I would pick them up and drop them at my mum and my wife would get them around 4.

[00:16:50] She does not need to work.

[00:16:52] I pay the majority of the bills.

[00:16:54] My wife's job earns less but that doesn't make it less worthy.

[00:16:58] She actually affects the world.

[00:17:00] I just type at the computer all day and deal with air emissions.

[00:17:03] My wife works to pay for daycare, it's her big expense.

[00:17:07] I do mortgage and everything else and she also uses her money to buy stuff.

[00:17:11] She has full access to my account and often transfers money when low.

[00:17:16] I do not have access to her account.

[00:17:18] It's a personal boundary of my wife that she always has her own private money.

[00:17:22] I don't need or want that myself so she manages most of the finances.

[00:17:26] My wife has traumas around being stuck as a homemaker and babymaker.

[00:17:31] Opie added one like final edit slash update if you like.

[00:17:34] First one said fuck it guys I get it, I'm a piece of shit.

[00:17:37] I'm going to make this right.

[00:17:39] Edit two.

[00:17:40] Thank you to the handful of people that reached out with advice.

[00:17:43] I do not want to be a good father and husband.

[00:17:46] I've really fucked up and I see that and fully admitted.

[00:17:50] This is going to be my only edit and then I'm going to get off my phone for a while and focus my attention on my family.

[00:17:55] My wife had dinner cooked when I got home.

[00:17:58] Everything is fine between us so there wasn't any tension.

[00:18:01] After we cleaned up I went upstairs and ran my wife a bath.

[00:18:04] Put Taylor Swift on her Alexa and let a few candles.

[00:18:07] I told her to go relax upstairs for the night.

[00:18:09] She was surprised but smiled and went on her way.

[00:18:12] I'm currently on the toilet watching my kids take a bath.

[00:18:15] People mention love bomb and etc.

[00:18:18] I'm just trying anything I can to show I appreciate and love her and our family.

[00:18:22] I want to be a present father.

[00:18:24] I'm going to do bedtime tonight and probably all next week.

[00:18:27] I'll tell her she does so much during the day and deserves the break because it's the truth.

[00:18:32] I get that I come off as an asshole.

[00:18:34] I grew up in a not great situation and did have the best role models growing up.

[00:18:39] I'm terrified of my children not having enough and I overcompensate by working too much.

[00:18:44] This new job came with a big pay increase but the hours are longer and I feel like I can never keep up.

[00:18:50] I've reached out to a few recruiters tonight.

[00:18:53] I used to love my job and always home by 4.30 even if it means taking the lost income.

[00:18:59] I'm thinking about going back.

[00:19:01] Relationships are hard and humans aren't perfect.

[00:19:04] For all the people telling me my kids don't love me and I'm a waste of space.

[00:19:08] I don't know guys just remember I'm an actual person.

[00:19:11] That's just rough.

[00:19:13] Anyways that's all I have for you folks.

[00:19:15] I need to watch these kiddos and stop planning out my long road of grovelling and reconnecting.

[00:19:20] Thanks all.

[00:19:22] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:19:25] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:19:28] What do you think of that outcome and self-reflection from OP at the very end there?

[00:19:32] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:19:35] And let's move on to one more little story from the Am I the Arsenal subreddit?

[00:19:39] It doesn't have an update but I saw the title and I'm sorry but I chuckled.

[00:19:43] It's from Catboy in a made outfit who says Am I the Arsenal because I laughed when my mum told me her rumble fell into the pool.

[00:19:51] Ah that image it just makes me chuckle.

[00:19:55] I'm on the phone with her as she's in a winter residence in Florida.

[00:19:58] Snowbird and telling me that she was cleaning her house and left the screen door open.

[00:20:03] Where are you going with this?

[00:20:05] Because my mum kind of rambles a bit with stories that go nowhere.

[00:20:08] And then she says the rumour was missing and she found it in the bottom of the pool.

[00:20:13] They completely caught me off guard and I'm howling with laughter.

[00:20:17] And my mum is like, it's not funny! That's a $400 machine!

[00:20:21] And somehow that made it even funnier.

[00:20:24] And she's not making it easy for me because she's describing that apparently it didn't die right away.

[00:20:29] And for a minute, a little brush things are still going around like it was trying to dog paddle its way out of there.

[00:20:36] So my mum is angry that the rumour wasn't built with some sort of safety device in case it falls into the water like flotation bags.

[00:20:44] And I suppose to pop out of it like Chitty Chitty bang bang or something.

[00:20:49] At this point I'm in literal tears from laughing so hard.

[00:20:52] So mum's angry. The rumour is dead and I'm probably not invited to Easter dinner.

[00:20:58] I remember seeing a video of someone's rumour just like it's just sort of wandering outside, doing a bit of cleaning outside on the path and eventually falling into pool and it floats around for a bit.

[00:21:09] And then it just sinks and I don't know why.

[00:21:11] It had me in absolute bits when I first saw it. It's just I don't know why!

[00:21:16] But you're not the asshole to be in this situation. I want to laugh as well.

[00:21:20] And let's face it, you're not laughing that she's lost something with a large monetary value.

[00:21:26] You're not laughing that she's got a damaged product. You're not laughing at her as say but the whole scene itself like my mind my mind goes places when I read these stories and I see scenes of things.

[00:21:38] And I have to pause and I have to wipe my eyes because sometimes it's just like something you see in a movie you know.

[00:21:46] Like that video I saw on YouTube with this rumour just sort of wandering outside doing its own thing, like it's got a mind of its own and it just dog in the pool it goes.

[00:21:55] Just cracks me up.

[00:21:57] I had an idea but smart-ass mouth already had the idea and said not the asshole let it be angry and send a condolences note for the dead rumour.

[00:22:05] Edit by new rumour for Easter saying it has been resurrected, its name Jesus is seen the light.

[00:22:11] I hope he says that's a good idea. I've got some flowers with a little hallmark card they make for people who lost a beloved head or something.

[00:22:18] I'm going to get to work on that.

[00:22:21] Think he kid he replies that and says my heart felt condolences on the loss of your rumour.

[00:22:27] While this situation sucks, little rumbie won't have to do any more. He's rolling with a homies in heaven.

[00:22:34] I've started a collection to assist with the adoption fees for a replacement.

[00:22:38] Hands to heart and eyes to heaven we all know he could never truly be replaced.

[00:22:43] Hopefully we can pull up fans and help out.

[00:22:48] Concord all of Europe said not the asshole lol.

[00:22:52] I'm trying not to laugh but picturing a rumour doing a doggy paddle is too much and your mum think they should have built in floaties?

[00:22:59] Friceless, it's like expecting a vacuum to turn into a boat.

[00:23:03] I totally get where you cracked up.

[00:23:05] It's not really about the rumour or the cost this just such a bizarre sitcom worthy moment.

[00:23:10] Sometimes life throws these weird curveballs that are just plain funny.

[00:23:15] But hey, maybe just smooth things over with your mum.

[00:23:18] You could send her a funny card like a sorry for your rumours unexpected swim and lesson or something.

[00:23:23] Or even better get a tiny life jacket for her next rumour as a gag gift.

[00:23:27] It could be a hit at Easter dinner you know.

[00:23:29] Yes, they're well braved little rumour.

[00:23:32] You paddled valiantly.

[00:23:34] All I can picture now is a rumour going around with like you know the googley eyes wobbling around everywhere

[00:23:40] and a little life jacket on at the same time.

[00:23:43] Oh dearie me but the comments were pretty much the same as voted and not the asshole in this situation.

[00:23:49] I mean come on now.

[00:23:50] We had a question on the back of this though.

[00:23:52] A rumour is actually any good.

[00:23:54] I've never looked at reviewer.

[00:23:55] I've always seen him and I always thought are they actually good?

[00:23:57] Do they actually clean up a lot or are they just a pain in the ass and getting away everywhere?

[00:24:01] Let us know your thoughts if you got one.

[00:24:03] Anyway, just a huge thank you for joining me today getting involved in the stories you'll love,

[00:24:08] what your time is just absolutely amazing.

[00:24:11] Thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:24:15] Take care and much love.

[00:24:38] See the signs sign in front of windows.

[00:24:40] Yeah yeah yeah.

[00:24:41] Okay, I know that today will be a good day.