I Told My Sister I Would DRAG HER OUT Of Her Sons Wedding If She Turns Up r/Relationships

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[00:00:58] Our first story comes from annt Undertaker. Before we get into the story, I want to give you a warning that contains talk of car accidents, rental deaths, or suicide and abuse.

[00:01:10] If you don't want to skip the story, please feel free to do so.

[00:01:12] Time stamps are always down in the description.

[00:01:18] Our story is titled, told my sister if she sets one foot inside my nephew's wedding. I'll drag her out of it myself.

[00:01:25] Family thinks I'm the asshole.

[00:01:28] Long time lurker never thought I'd make a post but I'm angry and not thinking clearly.

[00:01:34] I also apologize in advance. I'm a brute and don't mince words. I'm 47 female.

[00:01:42] My nephew Joey 21 is getting married in two weeks and his mother, Judy 45, is trying to come.

[00:01:48] But I've adamantly told her not to because of how much shit she's put him through in the recent years.

[00:01:53] When Joey was 18, he was in a car crash with his father. His father died a few days later and Joey was also heard but obviously survived.

[00:02:02] I know all of this was triggered by my sister's grief and I'm trying to be mindful of that.

[00:02:08] First, she purposely missed his high school graduation because she couldn't imagine being there without his father.

[00:02:14] Joey was understanding and thankfully me and his girlfriend, now fiance's family were there for him.

[00:02:20] Judy insisted on still hosting a graduation party a week or so later. I wasn't able to get there until towards the end.

[00:02:27] When I got there most of the guests had left and Judy was a drunken mess and was wailing about her husband's death.

[00:02:34] It told Joey to back a bag and two comes home to my house for the weekend which he did.

[00:02:38] Judy swore she would do better and begged him to come back home which again, he did.

[00:02:44] A couple of months went by and Joey asked if I could drive him to work because his car had been totaled.

[00:02:49] He looked terrible when I got him so I asked him what was up.

[00:02:52] He said he'd been working 70 hours a week because Judy had gotten laid off.

[00:02:57] I asked him how his car got totaled and he said Judy had crashed it driving intoxicated.

[00:03:03] At that point our mum and I sat down with her to try and get her into some sort of treatment or counselling and she agreed.

[00:03:09] But we later learned that she never went.

[00:03:12] I take partial responsibility for not following up.

[00:03:16] Some months later Joey called me again, this time for a ride to the courthouse to get Judy out of jail.

[00:03:22] All he said was she had gotten drunk and got herself arrested but when I picked him up he had fresh cuts on his arm and jawline.

[00:03:29] Turns out she assaulted him when he refused to get a more drink.

[00:03:33] I begged him to come stay with me but Judy insisted you would get help if he would stay and help her, which he did.

[00:03:40] I'll call and talk to Joey once or twice a week to make sure he and Judy were safe.

[00:03:45] She didn't go into treatment but he said things had calmed down.

[00:03:49] After a few months he stopped responding to calls and only sent short text responses.

[00:03:55] Sometime later they stopped too.

[00:03:57] Throughout all of this he's been supported by his fiancé.

[00:04:01] I started getting my updates on Joey's wellbeing for a occasional social media post.

[00:04:06] They got engaged and her family is paying for the small intimate wedding and reception they've chosen to have.

[00:04:11] As far as I knew things were better, he seemed happy in her posts.

[00:04:16] I was blindsided about two weeks ago when Joey's fiancé called me.

[00:04:21] She said Joey needed my help and asked if she could drive him over to my house.

[00:04:25] When they got there he was shaking, hyperventilating and threw up multiple times.

[00:04:31] When he finally calmed down he said his mother had gone into a drunken rage some weeks ago

[00:04:36] and started trying to rip and burn everything left of her husband's.

[00:04:40] When Joey stopped her she started wrecking his stuff.

[00:04:44] All the while she was screaming that she wanted her husband back and wish Joey had died instead.

[00:04:50] She was blaming him for the crash, the whole nine yards.

[00:04:54] Joey said this has been going on for months and the night prior to his girlfriend bringing him to me

[00:04:59] he came home and found that she had burned all of his father's pictures, old clothes, everything.

[00:05:05] I went to confront Judy.

[00:05:07] She agreed once again to enter treatment and this time she followed through.

[00:05:11] Joey has been staying with me since.

[00:05:13] Every time I ask about the wedding or his girlfriend goes over plans with him

[00:05:17] he turns pale and miserable.

[00:05:19] I asked him what was up with that?

[00:05:21] He wouldn't really answer but I asked if it was because of his mum.

[00:05:25] I asked if he wanted her off the guest list.

[00:05:27] He didn't have an NM to flat out say yes but the look on his face said it all.

[00:05:32] Judy called him earlier today, gushing about how excited she is for the wedding

[00:05:36] and that she's picked out a dress and wants her mother groomed dance.

[00:05:39] Joey told her not to come.

[00:05:41] She went all weeping and started begging.

[00:05:45] At that point I asked him to give me the phone and I flat out told her that if she sets foot in that wedding

[00:05:50] I will personally drag her out of it.

[00:05:53] This says cause the stir in our family.

[00:05:55] Our other siblings think I have influenced Joey and I should convince him to let her come

[00:06:00] if she promises to behave.

[00:06:02] I told them all that since they've helped him very little and don't know his side of things

[00:06:06] they can kiss my ass.

[00:06:08] I'm the asshole here.

[00:06:11] So first let's cover some of the relevant comments to which OP replies to.

[00:06:16] First one says will there be alcohol at the wedding?

[00:06:19] Opie says it'll be a dry wedding.

[00:06:21] Joey won't go near alcohol for obvious reasons and his fiance is a sweet religious type.

[00:06:26] That said I worry Judy would show up already hammered.

[00:06:29] Someone says the accident and who was driving.

[00:06:32] Opie says unfortunately Joey was driving when they were hit but the crash was 100% not his fault.

[00:06:39] His father was on blood thin as an ad internal injuries.

[00:06:42] Just lost too much blood and couldn't recover.

[00:06:45] Joey broke his wrist and had some burn from the seatbelt but was otherwise fine.

[00:06:49] Someone says why didn't anyone ask Joey to move in with them until his mum got help?

[00:06:54] Opie says no judgement at all hon.

[00:06:56] He was invited to stay with me every time.

[00:06:58] I tried to talk him out of going back while trying to walk that fine line between him being an adult but also still young.

[00:07:06] Someone says is he in a rush to get married to get away from his mum?

[00:07:09] Opie says I don't believe so.

[00:07:11] He's been with his fiance since they were 16.

[00:07:14] Despite his circumstances he knows what he is doing.

[00:07:17] They plan on having a longer engagement but logistically they're in a position to just do the darn thing.

[00:07:22] Oh yes, they are both young.

[00:07:24] Someone says why was this a port for your sister in all of this?

[00:07:28] It seems like she was just told to get therapy but nothing else.

[00:07:32] Opie says I'm glad you asked and I don't think it's controversial at all.

[00:07:36] There was support for her.

[00:07:38] I lived with them for the first two weeks to help her take care of the house and arrangements.

[00:07:42] We have two other siblings who visited periodically.

[00:07:46] She was very quick to insist she no longer needed help after that.

[00:07:49] We backed off, similar to Joey in the situation.

[00:07:52] She would call if she needed to talk or needed the house cleaned or anything but those became less and less until help was met with frustration.

[00:08:01] I think all of that was normal.

[00:08:03] Extra support was offered during holidays and anniversaries.

[00:08:06] When it became obvious she needed help beyond me is when we suggested therapy as that's all we knew to do at that point.

[00:08:13] I agree, I lack sympathy for her now.

[00:08:16] What I did have has been buried by anger for how she's been treating Joey in a fiance.

[00:08:21] She's been nothing but cruel to that girl which is weird to me because she's angered her for taking away her boy but is equally driving him away.

[00:08:29] It's all a mess right now.

[00:08:31] I only have the strength and patience for Joey and his fiance.

[00:08:35] This is the part where suicide is mentioned, what someone asks, put her driving drunk and her crash being attempted her own life.

[00:08:43] Who be says she didn't know how he's it but Joey and I both think the DUI crash wasn't attempt.

[00:08:49] The psychology neat says not the asshole in the least.

[00:08:53] The whole family needs an aunt's Allonun.

[00:09:02] The duty will not get help until she hits bottom and I don't think missing the wedding will be it.

[00:09:07] As the child of an alcoholic, thank you for being there for your nephew.

[00:09:11] Maybe your family pushing for the duty to come should be watched to make sure they don't bring her.

[00:09:18] Jealous singer says not the asshole on what a shitty situation to be in, both for you and of course her son.

[00:09:24] She obviously is going through some kind of psychopathology but until she follows through when gets help she should stay away.

[00:09:31] The young man has his own issues to handle I'm sure.

[00:09:34] Screw anyone who says you're influencing Joey.

[00:09:37] He deserves a happy special day so does his fiance.

[00:09:40] He seems to have gone through a lot as well.

[00:09:43] Just please don't take it upon yourself to throw it out.

[00:09:46] Being left out of a wedding is a great excuse for her to abuse substances and as a possibility you won't be able to handle her.

[00:09:53] But you should enjoy your nephew's happy day.

[00:09:56] Just get security and make them fully aware of the situation so she doesn't even come close.

[00:10:01] Good luck and best wishes to the couple.

[00:10:04] And one final comment which says not the asshole wow this is a horrible set of events and I can understand some of the actions of your sister.

[00:10:12] Like not being able to attend graduation or struggling at a party so shortly after the tragic and sudden death of her husband.

[00:10:19] But there is no excuse for saying you'd wish your own child died instead.

[00:10:23] That is beyond awful.

[00:10:25] The only thing I can think of at this point is having a brutally honest conversation with her where she is made to understand that if she crashes the wedding, she will never get back in her son's life.

[00:10:35] It's an important day but until he can trust her again, if ever she needs to step back.

[00:10:42] So OP follows him with an update the following day and says, I've slowly figured out how to share smaller updates.

[00:10:48] I know a few of you are concerned and he good vibes well wishes or whatever you believe in for Joey would be appreciated.

[00:10:54] He insists there's a stomach bug going around but he's been nauseous all day at work but won't leave.

[00:11:00] Here refuses to block duty and she's been calling him every few hours.

[00:11:04] He's not answering but he's worried blocking her will put her over the edge.

[00:11:08] I'm trying to work with her to get things from her house but she won't speak to me.

[00:11:12] She'll only speak to Joey who won't speak to her so I'm letting her call off for a few days.

[00:11:17] Goodness knows, I need to before I rip her a new one.

[00:11:20] Thankfully his essentials are here at my house so there isn't anything he needs.

[00:11:24] As far as I know this is his last week working before he gets some time off before the wedding.

[00:11:29] They'll be moving us fiancee into the apartment they're leasing next week and he'll join her after her wedding.

[00:11:35] He's religious. He says he's feeling excited to get those things.

[00:11:40] Thanks everyone for caring about my family.

[00:11:43] Aunt Undertaker

[00:11:47] Hey everyone I'm Craig Robinson co-host of The Ways To Win Podcast.

[00:11:53] Alongside my good friend John Calapari, I've been on the go recently.

[00:11:57] Phoenix, Kansas City, Chicago.

[00:12:00] If you're like me and have a home but aren't always at home,

[00:12:04] you have an Airbnb.

[00:12:06] Posting your home or a spare room is a very practical side hustle.

[00:12:10] If you live in a big game town, you can air BNB your place for fans to stay in.

[00:12:15] Your home might be worth more than you think.

[00:12:18] Find out how much at Airbnb.com slash post.

[00:12:27] Then the OP shares a text exchange between herself and her sister.

[00:12:33] Joey's mom.

[00:12:35] And they said they don't even know what to title this, just sharing so I don't explode.

[00:12:40] The OP said, check it in. You sober. The sister said yes goddamn.

[00:12:46] Aunt says I'm just asking so I can come get a stuff please, one less thing on your plate.

[00:12:51] Do you reply? No he can call or text me and he can arrange some get his shit until then you're not permitted to.

[00:12:59] He's been paying to keep a roof over your head for how long and this is how you act.

[00:13:04] I can't use everything out for me to pick up for him and you don't have to see either of us.

[00:13:09] I know you're going through a hard time too but you're making it harder for no reason.

[00:13:13] You responded, a hard time.

[00:13:16] Why someone even let me come to his one and only wedding and you're backing him up so I'm having a very hard time thanks.

[00:13:23] I don't respond to that saying, okay you're having a very hard time. I can't even imagine.

[00:13:27] He's also going through a hard time.

[00:13:29] He's been throwing up sick at work for two days to pay your bills after you told him he'd be better off dead to you as his mother.

[00:13:37] You're going to leave me no choice but to come with the fucking police to get his stuff.

[00:13:42] She responded, I didn't give a fuck, I want to talk to my son.

[00:13:45] Who'd be responded? Well he doesn't want to talk to you.

[00:13:49] I'll be around with some officers this weekend. Let me know if you change your mind.

[00:13:53] But once, I wish you'd think of your son.

[00:13:56] You said tell him to think of and call his mother.

[00:13:59] Hope he said, I'm not doing that.

[00:14:01] If you want to talk to him then get your fucking shit together.

[00:14:06] Couple more relevant comments on that before the next update.

[00:14:09] Someone said, I wish they would postpone their wedding.

[00:14:12] Hope he says, I wish they would too.

[00:14:14] Joey is convinced he can pull himself together for it.

[00:14:17] I asked if they could and he said his fiance's parents would forfeit their deposits on everything, the venue catering etc.

[00:14:24] We're see, I'm hoping it can be a great day for them.

[00:14:27] Someone says about more info and therapy.

[00:14:30] Hope he says the more I talk to both of them about it, the more I think that once the wedding, not to be a month out,

[00:14:35] Judy lost it and started dragging Joey down with her.

[00:14:39] He held it together until he just couldn't.

[00:14:41] Now they're too far in to push anything back.

[00:14:45] As soon to be father-in-law, I was connecting him with a good therapist.

[00:14:48] His father-in-law and mother-in-law are absolute saints.

[00:14:51] Someone says that sister had a mental health evaluation or any update on her.

[00:14:56] Hope he says, I know she's been sober for a couple of weeks.

[00:14:59] Which means the most recent rage,

[00:15:01] the one that sent him over the edge was not fueled by alcohol,

[00:15:05] and she's supposed to be following up with a rehab program.

[00:15:08] She won't do inpatient but I'm convinced that's what she needs.

[00:15:13] Hope he's next update which comes six days from the original post and says,

[00:15:18] firstly thank you so much.

[00:15:20] I did not expect anything but a couple of responses with some thoughts

[00:15:23] and instead got an overwhelming flood of encouragement and support for my nephew and I.

[00:15:28] Things have still been hard but I'll try to be brief.

[00:15:31] First Joe spent two days stomach sick but kept working so he could pay his mum's mortgage one more time.

[00:15:38] So that was lovely for him.

[00:15:40] Judy and I went back and forth about trying to get his things back.

[00:15:43] I was planning on going with Joey to get his things back with the police yesterday.

[00:15:47] The police said Joey had to be there since it's his property.

[00:15:51] However Judy insisted that she had taken everything to a dumpster and not to bother.

[00:15:56] I asked Joey what he wanted to do in case she was lying and he said not to go

[00:16:00] since there wasn't anything very valuable or that he couldn't live without.

[00:16:04] Then she had the nerve to text him last night asking one more time

[00:16:08] to reconsider allowing her to come to the wedding.

[00:16:11] When he didn't respond she said he was not just being hateful to her

[00:16:15] but also to his late father because as she put it,

[00:16:18] having me there is like having him there in spirit.

[00:16:21] Joey said no and finally put his foot down telling her that her builds were paid for the month

[00:16:26] and that he's blocking her.

[00:16:27] I sent her a hell of a message myself.

[00:16:30] I don't regret and haven't heard from her all of today.

[00:16:33] I will not be blocking her.

[00:16:35] Despite how some readers might feel, I do care about her and wanted to check in to make sure she is safe.

[00:16:41] Joey has been moving in with his fiancee into their apartment today.

[00:16:45] I checked in a couple of times and he says it's going well.

[00:16:48] Let me a picture of them smiling with moving boxes as proof.

[00:16:51] And for anyone wondering,

[00:16:53] I have asked a friend who is a retired officer to come to the wedding to watch for her.

[00:16:57] Branted she doesn't have a car right now.

[00:17:00] The venue is also aware.

[00:17:02] I feel like I care about that but honestly,

[00:17:04] I feel like I'm going to have a hard time watching the ceremony and not being out there myself keeping watch

[00:17:09] but I'm going to try my damn hardest.

[00:17:11] Judy knows not to cross me like that so I know seeing it the door will turn her away.

[00:17:16] But hopefully that won't even be necessary.

[00:17:20] Someone says to the OPR for that saying what the fuck is up with the rest of your family

[00:17:24] and do they know how bad it has gotten?

[00:17:26] OP says to them anything that's not in front of their goddamn faces doesn't exist.

[00:17:31] They live in their own worlds.

[00:17:33] The OP added another text exchange which said possibly my nephew's last text

[00:17:39] from or to his mum and my response to her.

[00:17:42] So it started off with the mother texting keeping me out of your wedding day is just like keeping your dad and his memory out in spirit

[00:17:49] so you're not just being hateful to me, you'll be hateful to him.

[00:17:52] Think about that while you still have time to for fuck's sake.

[00:17:55] Go respond to send okay that's fine.

[00:17:58] Mortgage and cell phone bill are paid for January Utilities 2.

[00:18:01] Blocking you now I hope you get help by mum.

[00:18:05] Which then the OP sends a final text the aunt and says

[00:18:09] if there are any photos left that you did not burn of view wall as a family when I was young

[00:18:13] please take some time to look at them

[00:18:15] then imagine someone hurting that sweet little boy you both loved

[00:18:19] is that's exactly what you've been doing all these years

[00:18:21] his father would be crushed absolutely crushed I know I am I know Jay is yet fucking

[00:18:29] help then get on your fucking knees and pray that someday your son might forgive you

[00:18:33] if you can ever learn to love him again.

[00:18:35] You can call or text me if you need help and so let me know that you are safe

[00:18:39] otherwise just get some fucking help instead of Jay's new life

[00:18:45] OP then came in with an Amide the Arsol here post which says

[00:18:49] Amide the Arsol here for crying at my nephews wording

[00:18:53] Well that day started with me receiving multiple calls and texts from Judy

[00:18:57] Ranging from apologies to calling me every name in the book for

[00:19:01] keeping her away from her son's big day

[00:19:03] I reminded her to stay away and that if she didn't she would be ushered out

[00:19:07] by me if it came down to it

[00:19:09] I told other relatives that if they dared to bring her

[00:19:13] they'd be kicked out and they probably never hear from Joey again

[00:19:15] All that said Joey and his wife did the damn thing

[00:19:19] had an amazing small intimate wedding

[00:19:23] I haven't cried since my dad died decades ago

[00:19:25] and today I was a weeping mess but in the best way

[00:19:29] I cried through the ceremony

[00:19:31] I cried when I saw the reception with tables for all games

[00:19:35] That's so damn creative

[00:19:37] At least I think so

[00:19:39] Joey and wife either spiked the odds against them had a great day

[00:19:43] Joey was truly happy for the first time

[00:19:47] in far too long

[00:19:49] Amide the Arsol here but being a crybaby at my nephews wording

[00:19:53] I'm exhausted so I talked to you after a good night of sleep

[00:19:57] Just wanted to share the update I promised

[00:19:59] And then a mini update

[00:20:01] Last night was it

[00:20:03] Joey and his wife tied Denaten

[00:20:05] It was a lovely evening for everyone

[00:20:07] I sobbed all throughout

[00:20:09] These two have been together since early high school

[00:20:11] So seeing them commit to each other was awesome

[00:20:13] And Joey looked and sounded truly happy

[00:20:15] Something I haven't seen in quite some time

[00:20:19] Thank you all for the care

[00:20:21] Got me tearing up over here as well

[00:20:23] Holy moly

[00:20:25] I'm so glad that Joey and wife did have an awesome day

[00:20:29] And that he's got someone like OP

[00:20:31] The aunt in this back in him up

[00:20:33] And is in his corner supporting him

[00:20:35] When he really needed it the most

[00:20:39] And you know I hope

[00:20:41] I'm not excusing any of the behaviour within this story

[00:20:45] But I hope that one day

[00:20:47] That the mum does seek some help

[00:20:49] For what she's going through at the same time

[00:20:51] Yes we all know that sometimes people are just arsols

[00:20:53] And you can have a mental illness

[00:20:55] And you can have whatever and still be an arsol

[00:20:57] But she's clearly got some battles

[00:20:59] Her self to be dealing with at the same time

[00:21:01] And I hope that she does seek the help

[00:21:03] To deal with them

[00:21:05] Because the alternative is

[00:21:07] She stays the same

[00:21:09] And continues to destroy relationships around her

[00:21:11] I'm not sure whether she ever be able to get Joey to forgive her

[00:21:15] Aren't to forgive her

[00:21:17] Aren't steamed like the doors always open for her sister

[00:21:19] But she's just got a lot of work to do

[00:21:21] But some of the stuff she's done to Joey

[00:21:25] Said to Joey

[00:21:27] I'm not sure if this you can ever move past that

[00:21:29] What do you guys think

[00:21:31] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below as always

[00:21:35] And just a huge thank you for spending your time with me today

[00:21:39] Getting involved in the story

[00:21:41] Showing your love, support and time

[00:21:43] Not just towards me but towards the people within the stories as well

[00:21:47] I'm sure it's always well appreciated

[00:21:49] Thank you so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one

[00:21:53] Take care and much love

[00:22:05] You