I Told My Friend That "Being Settled For" Isn't The Worst Thing r/Relationships

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[00:00:50] The story is from Educational Law 226.

[00:00:52] The story was titled Am I the Arsehole here for telling my friend

[00:00:55] that being settled for a year,

[00:00:57] Am I the Arsehole here for telling my friend that being settled for

[00:01:00] isn't the worst thing in the world?

[00:01:03] My friend Anna and I were talking about her dating life.

[00:01:07] Anna is an incredibly beautiful woman

[00:01:10] and she could have a pick of men.

[00:01:12] She broke up with her boyfriend because she was out of his league

[00:01:15] and he knew it, he would act in insecure ways.

[00:01:18] Anna stated that she didn't want to settle for someone less than the best.

[00:01:22] She asked me why would anyone settle and brought up my marriage

[00:01:26] as a positive example of love.

[00:01:28] I told her that my husband settled for me

[00:01:30] and he wasn't attracted to me and we still had a happy marriage.

[00:01:33] Being settled for isn't the worst thing in the world.

[00:01:37] My husband Alan and I are happily married high school sweethearts.

[00:01:41] He was heavily bullied in middle and high school.

[00:01:44] When I moved into his hometown in sophomore year,

[00:01:47] I stood up for him.

[00:01:48] By the end of senior year, he had friends and he asked me to prom.

[00:01:52] Ten years later, we are happily married.

[00:01:54] However, I know that my husband doesn't find me attractive.

[00:01:58] I'm naturally taller and more muscular than the average woman.

[00:02:01] It's a huge insecurity of mine.

[00:02:04] A year after we married, my husband drunkly confessed

[00:02:07] that he didn't find me attractive.

[00:02:09] He prefers petite women with delicate facial features.

[00:02:12] But he was grateful for what I did and felt obliged to thank me.

[00:02:16] Which is why he asked me out to prom.

[00:02:19] Why we dated throughout college, why he proposed.

[00:02:22] He still loved me very much but wasn't attracted to me.

[00:02:26] The next morning he was hungover and had forgotten his confession.

[00:02:29] He doesn't drink much because he doesn't have a filter

[00:02:32] and tells the unvarnished truth.

[00:02:35] I felt crushed but our marriage was very good otherwise.

[00:02:39] I never told him what he said that night.

[00:02:41] He was a great husband.

[00:02:44] I don't think most men are attracted to the way I look anyways.

[00:02:47] I explained this to Anna and she was grateful for the advice.

[00:02:52] That night, Alan started crying.

[00:02:55] He was crying silently but I woke up.

[00:02:57] I hugged him and asked what was wrong and he admitted he overheard our conversation.

[00:03:01] I didn't expect him to overhear since I was in the basement.

[00:03:05] But he heard his name and decided to listen in.

[00:03:08] I apologized for hurting his feelings but it just made him sob harder.

[00:03:12] I didn't know what I did wrong slash if I did anything wrong.

[00:03:15] I am I the asshole.

[00:03:18] I wasn't advising Anna to settle.

[00:03:21] She would never be happy settling for someone.

[00:03:24] I just told her that settling isn't the worst thing in the world

[00:03:27] and my marriage is one of settlement.

[00:03:29] My husband settled for me and we are happy.

[00:03:32] My advice was to stay true to herself and her beliefs.

[00:03:35] If she's not happy then the relationship can't move forward.

[00:03:40] So first some comments with responses from OP.

[00:03:43] Someone says, I don't think you're the asshole in this.

[00:03:46] I'm not in any way.

[00:03:49] But I am curious if your husband ended up talking to you about it.

[00:03:52] OP says no, he hasn't really gone around to it.

[00:03:55] He's been down for the past few days and anytime I've tried to gently prod him

[00:03:59] he started crying and I comforted him.

[00:04:02] I've decided to leave it alone until he feels comfortable to talk

[00:04:05] but I feel guilty in case I did something wrong to hurt him that deeply.

[00:04:09] Someone says not the asshole but you need to talk to your husband about this.

[00:04:13] Either he is struggling with guilt about his confession

[00:04:16] or is really triggering with unhappiness in the relationship

[00:04:19] and either way you two need to talk about it.

[00:04:22] Also, you're a saint for dealing with that confession so gracefully.

[00:04:26] OP says I've tried to talk to him about what he overheard.

[00:04:30] He's just started crying, sometimes even sobbing

[00:04:33] and I just comforted him.

[00:04:35] I didn't want to hurt him more so I left the topic alone for now

[00:04:39] until he can tell me how he feels.

[00:04:41] I don't think he's unhappy in our relationship but you never know.

[00:04:45] I wish I was a saint, it would have probably hurt less

[00:04:48] but I love my husband and didn't want to hurt him by bringing up his confession ever.

[00:04:52] Someone says to OP, it sounds like he thinks you think you've settled for a guy

[00:04:56] who doesn't find you attractive, like you broke both your hearts.

[00:05:01] OP says I didn't settle for him, I'm lucky to be in this relationship at all.

[00:05:06] Someone says no, I hope you don't believe that.

[00:05:09] What I'm saying is that maybe this is the reason for his tears.

[00:05:13] I do think you both need to have a loving convo.

[00:05:16] I meant what I said about him feeling like he broke both your hearts

[00:05:19] because I would have felt that way, both devastated to have said it

[00:05:22] and devastated that the person I loved would have heard it, you know.

[00:05:26] OP says I hope that's not why he's crying.

[00:05:29] I've long since moved past it.

[00:05:31] In fact, since I was young I didn't think there would be people who would be attracted to me.

[00:05:35] So it hurt many years back, but even then I wasn't shocked.

[00:05:39] Probably because I had already gotten used to the idea of no one being attracted to me.

[00:05:44] I'm grateful my husband loves me and I've told him that.

[00:05:48] Someone says I'd be kind of worried that he's been considering separation.

[00:05:52] You should really look into scheduling some couple's therapy to mediate what's going on here.

[00:05:57] Regardless, him being upset warrants him seeing a professional

[00:06:00] outside of the relationship that he can confide in.

[00:06:03] I'm very sorry OP.

[00:06:05] OP says if he's considering separation I'd be heartbroken, but I have to support him.

[00:06:11] He doesn't deserve to be in a marriage where he isn't happy

[00:06:14] and if he wants someone he is attracted to he has to leave me.

[00:06:18] I'll let him know that it's okay if he wants to separate

[00:06:21] and bring up couples therapy.

[00:06:23] And this just made me feel incredibly sad.

[00:06:28] I mean, it just felt like OP was talking in a way that they should be grateful

[00:06:34] that the husband loves them.

[00:06:37] That their husband has settled for them and I just find that incredibly sad.

[00:06:42] If I was in OP's position I'm not sure I'd be able to cope with something like that.

[00:06:46] Knowing your partner doesn't find you attractive.

[00:06:49] Not someone he would conventionally go for.

[00:06:52] So like some of those comments said I wonder if it's going to be to do with guilt

[00:06:56] or that's why he's crying because he overheard the conversation

[00:06:59] and now feels really shitty about it.

[00:07:01] But let's move on to OP's first update to find out what happened next

[00:07:05] and says hello I'm back with a short update.

[00:07:08] I've got a lot of messages on my post and it was a bit overwhelming.

[00:07:12] I want to say I am a people pleaser, not just for my husband

[00:07:15] but for my friends and family too.

[00:07:17] I want them to be happy.

[00:07:19] I love my husband and want the best for him.

[00:07:22] We are very monogamous and I value fidelity.

[00:07:25] We had sessions of couples therapy and he now has a personal therapist.

[00:07:30] It was surprisingly easy to find someone that suited us

[00:07:33] but I did pay a lot of money for our sessions but they left me feeling baffled.

[00:07:37] Our counsellor was a no-nonsense but comforting older woman.

[00:07:41] We went through our life, how he was bullied, how we met, how we married, our careers.

[00:07:47] I told her about how he had drunkenly told me he wasn't attracted to me

[00:07:51] but that didn't matter because we loved each other and I didn't know what made him upset.

[00:07:55] She asked us honestly if we wouldn't be happier as best friends but married to other people.

[00:08:01] Alan adamantly said no.

[00:08:03] She brought up affection, sex life, those things.

[00:08:07] We told her we had an active sex life with a couple of quirks

[00:08:10] and were very affectionate etc.

[00:08:12] Which she focused on.

[00:08:14] She basically said someone is lying at some point

[00:08:16] because you can't have all of those things together.

[00:08:19] She asked Alan to walk through his attraction

[00:08:22] and he snapped and said he didn't want to talk of having disgusting or bad thoughts about me.

[00:08:27] It was a very long conversation after and I'm still confused

[00:08:30] but essentially he thought that anyone sexualizing or having those kind of thoughts about me was bad.

[00:08:36] Especially other people.

[00:08:38] He loved me for me.

[00:08:40] It wasn't even about me being his wife or me being a woman or those common things.

[00:08:45] Or anyone who had thoughts about me was bad and I should be protected from them.

[00:08:50] Alan told the counsellor that I was too soft and gentle and pure

[00:08:54] to think that there were bad thoughts about me and bad people.

[00:08:57] I've never heard that before from anyone.

[00:09:00] I told our counsellor nothing bad has happened to me.

[00:09:03] I was worried if Alan had trauma in his past

[00:09:06] that made him wary of others since he had been bullied so viciously in school.

[00:09:10] He said that I was thinking of him again

[00:09:12] and I should think about myself.

[00:09:14] He said I didn't realize that the world is scary for me.

[00:09:17] The counsellor asked about any guilt he felt about attraction and he broke down.

[00:09:22] A couple of years ago I had intensive surgery

[00:09:25] and Alan helped me with everything, even eating, showering and getting around.

[00:09:29] He confessed that when he helped me with bathing or dressing me

[00:09:33] he accidentally looked more than he should

[00:09:35] and he could feel that I was starting to realize he was having those thoughts about me

[00:09:39] and shut down.

[00:09:40] I don't really remember that but he's my husband.

[00:09:43] He didn't and don't mind if he looks.

[00:09:45] He talked about how much he loves me

[00:09:47] and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

[00:09:49] My counsellor said I have grown up to think of others' wants and desires above my own

[00:09:53] and I do have people pleasing tendencies

[00:09:56] but on the whole I'm pretty mentally healthy.

[00:09:58] I've got a few booklets and packets to fill out.

[00:10:00] My husband was told he needed intensive therapy as soon as possible.

[00:10:04] He had his first sessions a few days ago.

[00:10:07] I don't know where this is going

[00:10:08] or what happened to make him think the way he does.

[00:10:11] He didn't grow up in a religious environment.

[00:10:13] His parents are very affectionate and have a strong marriage.

[00:10:16] I still love and support my husband.

[00:10:19] So we do have another update to this as well

[00:10:21] but we also have some relevant comments with replies, extra information etc.

[00:10:25] So someone says to me,

[00:10:27] oh wow this is not how I expected the update to go

[00:10:29] but it makes so much sense.

[00:10:31] I thought you would have had the serious trauma

[00:10:33] and that's where people pleasing tendencies come from.

[00:10:36] Turns out that doesn't have anything below it

[00:10:39] but your husband has the serious trauma.

[00:10:41] I'm glad he's getting help

[00:10:43] and it sounds to me like he said that because he was projecting his own shame

[00:10:46] for being so attracted to you.

[00:10:48] I hope that he has significant healing from his trauma

[00:10:51] and that you can start to heal your self-esteem

[00:10:53] now that you know none of this was a reflection of you at all.

[00:10:56] Opie says,

[00:10:57] I have no real trauma.

[00:10:59] I get up happy healthy and well loved.

[00:11:01] I've always been a people minded person.

[00:11:03] I've taken care of my siblings as the oldest daughter

[00:11:06] but that was because I wanted to

[00:11:08] but because my parents forced me to

[00:11:10] because I was taller and looked older than the other children

[00:11:13] I've always been treated as older and more mature than my age.

[00:11:16] There was what confused me about my husband's comments

[00:11:19] on me being more innocent and basically more naive than others

[00:11:22] and how worried he was about me.

[00:11:24] No one has ever said that about me.

[00:11:26] I don't know where my husband's trauma comes from

[00:11:28] but we'll work through it together.

[00:11:30] I know he will heal and will be stronger.

[00:11:33] Someone says,

[00:11:34] wow,

[00:11:35] Opie feels guilty for being attracted to you

[00:11:37] while he was your caregiver.

[00:11:39] He doesn't realize many men would leave if wife was sick.

[00:11:43] I hope he finds why he feels like this.

[00:11:45] Opie says,

[00:11:46] he feels that it's bad or evil for anyone to have those thoughts about me.

[00:11:49] I don't know why.

[00:11:51] Alan was wonderful during my recovery

[00:11:53] and never felt uncomfortable at all.

[00:11:55] I know many husbands that wouldn't care for their wives like he did.

[00:11:59] I don't know why he feels guilty.

[00:12:01] He said he was supposed to take care of me

[00:12:03] but he consciously had those bad thoughts

[00:12:05] and looked more than he should.

[00:12:07] I don't know why any thoughts are being attracted to my body

[00:12:10] as my husband are bad to him.

[00:12:12] He's my husband.

[00:12:14] Someone says on the back of that,

[00:12:15] wow, your husband is pretty much worshiping you

[00:12:17] to the point that he views that to desire you sexually

[00:12:20] as a sin.

[00:12:21] In other words,

[00:12:22] he's basically marrying his virgin Mary

[00:12:24] so no one could take her image.

[00:12:26] So in his beliefs,

[00:12:27] you have to be out of his league

[00:12:29] because there is no way for him to reach his goddess.

[00:12:31] Yes, he does need therapy.

[00:12:33] That is not how the marriage works.

[00:12:35] You love him and he loves you

[00:12:37] but he is about to place you on the altar

[00:12:39] and to sing his rosary.

[00:12:41] That is not healthy.

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[00:13:49] So six months later,

[00:13:50] OP comes in with their next update

[00:13:52] and says, hello, I'm back with some updates.

[00:13:54] My husband Alan and I still go to marriage counseling

[00:13:57] and he quit therapy because he said it made him worse.

[00:14:00] We found out a lot during therapy.

[00:14:02] Much of his trauma came from school

[00:14:04] where he was being brutally bullied.

[00:14:06] The adults turned a blind eye.

[00:14:08] His friends abandoned him

[00:14:10] and he couldn't tell his parents.

[00:14:12] So he felt alone until I arrived.

[00:14:14] I was well liked

[00:14:15] and because I protected him, the bully stopped

[00:14:17] and people were nice to him again.

[00:14:20] He loved me and saw me as his savior.

[00:14:23] The problem was his mental state wasn't good.

[00:14:26] I think my husband was in the process of being diagnosed

[00:14:29] but he has intrusive thoughts.

[00:14:31] I've always been taller and more muscular

[00:14:33] than other kids and treat as his older.

[00:14:35] I'm still obviously female,

[00:14:37] just one that's naturally taller and stouter.

[00:14:40] With beauty standards emphasizing small and thin

[00:14:43] I always felt weird about my body

[00:14:45] but that doesn't stop creepy men

[00:14:47] and it didn't stop teenage boys

[00:14:49] and his bullies made comments about me that are degrading

[00:14:52] not like typical for a cruel teenage boys.

[00:14:54] Some of what they said matched his thoughts

[00:14:56] because they were normal thoughts.

[00:14:58] Intrusive thoughts or just fantasies.

[00:15:00] He had a lot of fantasies

[00:15:02] and a lot of intrusive thoughts about me.

[00:15:04] It confirmed to him that people have bad thoughts about me

[00:15:07] and he's just as bad

[00:15:09] but the difference was he could control it

[00:15:11] so he made a decision not to be attracted to me.

[00:15:15] He said the more he got to know me

[00:15:17] the more pure and precious I seen

[00:15:19] than the less he could let the rot out.

[00:15:21] He had to keep me safe because the world would destroy me.

[00:15:24] And the comments he made when he was drunk

[00:15:27] was one of deep denial and trying to reassure me

[00:15:29] that he didn't have disgusting thoughts about me.

[00:15:32] That does explain some things about how my husband behaves around me

[00:15:35] and especially in the bedroom.

[00:15:37] He also explains why he's very protective of me.

[00:15:40] He's always been an adoring husband

[00:15:42] which is at odds with someone who is not attracted to me.

[00:15:45] A bathtub memory affected him a lot

[00:15:47] because he could rationalize a lot of things

[00:15:49] but for the first time I was vulnerable physically

[00:15:52] and in need of his help and his fantasies

[00:15:54] and intrusive thoughts got worse.

[00:15:57] Some of the therapy was to try to get me off the pedestal

[00:16:00] but it didn't really work

[00:16:01] and his intrusive thoughts got worse.

[00:16:03] He said he had to quit and I supported him.

[00:16:05] He told me some of his fantasies

[00:16:07] and some were normal and some were disturbing.

[00:16:09] I told him that I loved and trusted him.

[00:16:12] Our marriage is strong

[00:16:13] and I will stay by his side and help him.

[00:16:17] And someone said to OP on this one

[00:16:19] maybe a different therapist.

[00:16:20] He can't continue to live this way

[00:16:22] he will eat him up inside.

[00:16:24] OP replies saying

[00:16:25] he is averse to the thought of therapy right now.

[00:16:28] It's good that he still comes to marriage counseling

[00:16:31] and I don't want to push him to something

[00:16:33] that makes him uncomfortable

[00:16:34] but I do want him to find a therapist.

[00:16:36] I will do some research to find a better therapist.

[00:16:38] My plan is to help him feel more comfortable

[00:16:40] and then when he is better

[00:16:42] suggest therapy again.

[00:16:43] In the update I was hoping

[00:16:45] for some kind of positive outcome

[00:16:47] but I got to admit

[00:16:49] for me personally

[00:16:51] after the update I didn't feel good

[00:16:53] about the situation.

[00:16:55] It still had me worried

[00:16:57] especially with the husband

[00:16:59] quitting therapy which

[00:17:01] it sounds like he does massively need in this

[00:17:03] because otherwise

[00:17:05] it sounds like he is just going to refuse

[00:17:07] to actually tackle the issues at hand

[00:17:09] did he quit therapy

[00:17:11] because he was being made to face up to those problems

[00:17:13] it must have been.

[00:17:15] OP's attitude towards it also

[00:17:17] had me feeling uneasy at the same time

[00:17:19] you know the whole way through

[00:17:21] it sounded like quite scary

[00:17:23] in some places

[00:17:25] the way that she was talking about his intrusive thoughts

[00:17:27] like this is in need of

[00:17:29] sort of urgent attention

[00:17:31] but it almost felt like OP was like

[00:17:33] yeah don't worry we are sort of out at some point down the road

[00:17:35] and maybe it's not like that

[00:17:37] but it certainly felt that way

[00:17:39] as I was reading into it

[00:17:41] it certainly feels like

[00:17:43] this is just one of those things that

[00:17:45] could snowball down the road

[00:17:47] and there was many comments saying the same

[00:17:49] sort of thing also concerns for OP

[00:17:51] safety etc etc

[00:17:53] but what do you guys make

[00:17:55] of this situation

[00:17:57] let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:17:59] and let's move on to

[00:18:01] another story

[00:18:03] and this story comes from the

[00:18:05] Am I the Arsoul Surrogate

[00:18:07] which looks at from the title

[00:18:09] I suppose

[00:18:11] looks to be a little bit more of

[00:18:13] light-hearted drama I guess

[00:18:15] but Financial Mortgage 15 says

[00:18:17] Am I the Arsoul for expecting my wife

[00:18:19] to do most of the pool

[00:18:21] upkeep

[00:18:23] well you know I've said that now watch this story

[00:18:25] absolutely crazy

[00:18:27] I 36 male and my wife 35 female

[00:18:29] purchased our house 3 years ago

[00:18:31] when we were in the market for houses

[00:18:33] my wife stated that she explicitly

[00:18:35] wanted a pool

[00:18:37] she didn't care too much for a pool but

[00:18:39] we had a flexible budget so I guess

[00:18:41] why not

[00:18:43] I requested though that if we bought one

[00:18:45] she would have to do 80% of the upkeep

[00:18:47] if not all of it

[00:18:49] she agreed

[00:18:51] fast forward to now

[00:18:53] I've done 90% of the upkeep and my wife

[00:18:55] had an excuse every time I asked her to help me

[00:18:57] clean the pool or check the alkalinity

[00:18:59] or pH level of the pool

[00:19:01] she's always too tired

[00:19:03] or she'd do it later

[00:19:05] it happened the first couple of times but it's getting frustrating now

[00:19:07] but luckily

[00:19:09] I have 2 employees that are extremely

[00:19:11] helpful

[00:19:13] my son 7 male and my daughter 6 female

[00:19:15] very well paid

[00:19:17] no complaint so far

[00:19:19] yesterday my employees were using their time off

[00:19:21] to go to school so I got to cleaning

[00:19:23] technically draining but it took long enough

[00:19:25] that it was just done by the time my wife

[00:19:27] got back home

[00:19:29] by the time we were heading to bed I asked her if she

[00:19:31] could clean on Saturday or I could help

[00:19:33] but she hit me with the

[00:19:35] I'm busy

[00:19:37] she doesn't work on Saturday

[00:19:39] I got kind of upset about it and told her that

[00:19:41] she should be doing 100% of the upkeep anyways

[00:19:43] and I'm going to stop taking care of the pool from now

[00:19:45] she just told me to stop bluffing

[00:19:47] and went to sleep

[00:19:49] fast forward to this morning

[00:19:51] and she doesn't even want to discuss anything pool related

[00:19:53] or even anything related with me

[00:19:57] am I the arsehole

[00:19:59] absolutely

[00:20:01] not the arsehole in this situation

[00:20:03] you know from the very beginning

[00:20:05] she insisted on the pool

[00:20:07] you got the pool because of that reason

[00:20:09] I'm sure you get some use out of it

[00:20:11] I'm sure your children get use out of it as well

[00:20:13] but she should at least be contributing

[00:20:15] at least 50%

[00:20:17] helping sort that pool out

[00:20:19] and the comment of stop bluffing

[00:20:21] would you know would set me off

[00:20:23] I'd be like yeah I'm not sure if you can do this with pools

[00:20:25] I've never had a pool but I just completely drain it

[00:20:27] leave it

[00:20:29] put a cover on it and be done with it

[00:20:31] again I'm not sure about the intricacies

[00:20:33] I don't know if you have to do something with the pump

[00:20:35] or the pumps or the

[00:20:37] innards of the pool before you do that

[00:20:39] because you obviously don't want it to seize up

[00:20:41] I can be getting old technical here

[00:20:43] you cheeky bastard Mark

[00:20:45] comfortable C says

[00:20:47] not the arsehole your wife pulled a badan switch

[00:20:49] question does wifey use the pool

[00:20:51] on a regular basis

[00:20:53] if he says when it's warm

[00:20:55] she and her friends use it more than I do for sure

[00:20:57] 50 says not the arsehole your wife should be helping you

[00:20:59] you need to decide if this is a hill to die upon though

[00:21:01] like will this ruin your marriage

[00:21:03] you have a couple of options I think

[00:21:05] stop maintaining the pool

[00:21:07] just leave it to swamp up

[00:21:09] which will probably annoy both you and your wife

[00:21:11] and might not be the best for the kids

[00:21:13] keep doing what you're doing

[00:21:15] and be annoyed and resentful of your wife

[00:21:17] get a service to do maintenance

[00:21:19] will cost money yes but

[00:21:21] will also save you time

[00:21:23] and probably friction with your wife

[00:21:25] tell her you're hiring someone and if she doesn't like it

[00:21:27] she can take over the pool

[00:21:29] but that those are the two choices

[00:21:31] she does it or someone hired

[00:21:33] does it

[00:21:35] crazy turnip says not the arsehole

[00:21:37] so when we bought our house my hubby wanted a pool

[00:21:39] I knew how much work they are

[00:21:41] I didn't service it at all

[00:21:43] all was a gorgeous black

[00:21:45] slash green

[00:21:47] finally hubby who I love dearly

[00:21:49] but epitomizes weaponized incompetence

[00:21:51] asked if we could please pay to have the cleaning

[00:21:53] slash service done

[00:21:55] as he was making enough money for that

[00:21:57] we hired someone well

[00:21:59] he hired someone and pays him

[00:22:01] so yes put it back on your wife

[00:22:03] no need to discuss it it's already been discussed

[00:22:05] she sees no point to the conversation

[00:22:07] because you are already cleaning it

[00:22:09] and a final comment from disney lover

[00:22:11] three who says not the arsehole

[00:22:13] your wife is literally just disrespecting you at this point

[00:22:15] saying that you should stop bluffing

[00:22:17] and then not speaking to you is childish

[00:22:19] and petty

[00:22:21] does she help out in other ways

[00:22:23] does she work a physically draining job

[00:22:25] or is it all you doing

[00:22:27] all slash most of the work

[00:22:29] even though she's an adult who's more than capable

[00:22:31] it sounds like there's an unevenness

[00:22:33] in your marriage and also a communication issue

[00:22:35] since she won't even talk to you about this

[00:22:37] help you configure this out now epi

[00:22:39] because otherwise this behavior will continue

[00:22:41] and get worse the longer it goes on

[00:22:45] ah this post has given me

[00:22:47] nostalgia of the old entitled people stories

[00:22:49] that we used to read about

[00:22:51] neighbors coming round wanting to use their swimming pool

[00:22:53] or letting their kids use the swimming pool

[00:22:55] during the summer months

[00:22:57] ah I might have to look up some of those again

[00:22:59] because I absolutely do love those stories

[00:23:01] anyway what do you guys make

[00:23:03] of this situation

[00:23:05] put yourself in OP shoes what would you do

[00:23:07] just hire a maintenance what if they couldn't afford it

[00:23:09] what would you do then

[00:23:11] would you discuss with wife further

[00:23:13] what if she says no empty the pool

[00:23:15] is that a possibility or is someone technical

[00:23:17] gonna say no you can't do that

[00:23:19] or even go further extreme

[00:23:21] fill the pool in

[00:23:23] or just leave a fake floater in there

[00:23:25] hahahaha

[00:23:27] ah why is my brain like this

[00:23:29] anyway huge thank you for being here today

[00:23:31] you are absolutely amazing

[00:23:33] please keep doing what you do and hopefully

[00:23:35] I will see you in the next one

[00:23:37] take care have much love

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