I Told My Fiancee "Step-Daughter Isn't Mine So YOU Sort It Out" r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now, today's first story comes from EmbarrassedBasis160. And it says, am I the arsehole here for telling my fiancee, my stepdaughter isn't mine. Sort it yourself.

[00:00:29] I'm a 27 year old man, and my fiancee is 30. We've been together for nearly four years. I have a six year old son and she has an 11 year old daughter from previous relationships. Up until now, we've never had any issues regarding the children. Yesterday, her daughter was set to go on a camping trip for a friend's birthday, where they'd be doing activities like kayaking. My fiancee dressed her in a dress and I mentioned to her that it didn't seem like the right choice for the occasion.

[00:00:58] She seemed offended and said her daughter could wear whatever she liked and that it wasn't a man's place to judge. I tried to clarify what I meant, but she cut me off saying, she's my daughter, not yours.

[00:01:10] I took my son to a pre-planned match when my fiancee rang me. It turned out the birthday girl's mom had told her daughter she couldn't go in a dress and needed to wear a tracksuit or something similar. So they didn't let her on the bus. My fiancee then asked if I could leave the match early to drive her daughter to the activity center. I replied, why should I? She's not my daughter and I'm here with my son.

[00:01:34] Neither of us are talking now. I do have pity for my stepdaughter and I wasn't being spiteful. My son was looking forward to it and it would be about four hours of travel. Am I the asshole here? From what I get, I was a bit of an asshole. She was a bigger asshole. So I'm going to try and talk it out and see what we both want.

[00:01:55] Look for me, I would love to say I would have dealt with it better, but I would have probably been just as offhand. I'm not saying it's right, but that would have peed me off when you did try to give her the warning to begin with. I would have thought common sense told you kayaking, you know, an address doesn't go well. Maybe it does for some people. I don't know. But for me, it absolutely would not. And I would say, yeah, you need to be wearing like and something that you don't mind getting dirty, etc, etc.

[00:02:24] But clearly there's some communication issues here that need to be sorted out between you two regarding, you know, your children. But just Geese Memes says not the asshole. I'd have been snappy too. You tried your best, but also you need to clear up what your roles are meant to be with the kids here. Either you're some kind of parent and expected to help or you're a random unrelated person who needs to keep their nose out and you don't do shuttling them about.

[00:02:49] The second sounds like not a great environment for a kid, but they can't expect you to just do chores for them on demand, but also be treated like an irrelevant stranger when it suits too. This environment says not the asshole. She can't be a snarky person and still expect you to help. She made her choice and choices have consequences. This relationship isn't lasting much longer. And she sounds like a red flag.

[00:03:13] OP says to that, yeah, I didn't want to sound like a drama queen, but I'm very surprised at what she said and questioning some stuff. I see my stepdaughter as my daughter and would have expected the same with her and my son. I'm not saying I don't have a favorite child, but I love them both. Silent Joe replies to that saying, You're not being a drama queen. She drew that boundary and jumped on your ass when you pointed out the dress was inappropriate for her plans.

[00:03:38] Now she's in a bind that she created and you refuse to sacrifice your time with your son for her and a child that, according to her, isn't part of your family. Not the asshole. In your shoes, I'd be thinking hard about that relationship. And she would need to pull her head out of her ass and set aside her pride if she wants to work together to make that relationship and family work. Twin Gemini says,

[00:05:30] This one said, That poor 11-year-old girl. This won't be the last time she has her life uprooted by her unstable mother. Brief Candidate says, Sounds like you have a good relationship with her ex. Listen to him. OP says, Yeah, despite his lack of presence in his daughter's life, he's not a bad guy. Although perhaps my judge of character isn't the best. Last Unicorn says, She flat out told you she doesn't love your son and she sort of loves you. Wow. Who avoided even more drama, then was starting to brew.

[00:06:00] You and your boy deserve so much better than a no and sort of. OP says, My son is very upset by her going. Her daughter less so. Apparently, I don't toast pop tarts as well as she did, according to my son. Rudolph Drinker says, Bullet dodged. OP says, Bullet dodged until she remembers her daughter is still living with me. One last visit of crazy when she decides to collect her. A better fox says, You aren't the daughter's legal guardian. You should contact authorities.

[00:06:29] If she's this manipulative, she's likely willing to build up a story of how you kept her daughter. I'd contact CPS or an attorney ASAP. OP said CPS have been contacted. They tried getting through to her. Her father gave permission for her to stay with me as per CPS. Honestly, not even thinking beyond tomorrow at this stage. She's with me for the foreseeable. I haven't really thought that far ahead. I'd imagine her mother will have every right when she returns, sadly.

[00:06:57] OP had some information on the dad, saying, Yeah, despite his lack of presence in his daughter's life, he's not a bad guy. And then OP says again, Although perhaps my judge of character isn't the best, and says, I would imagine the mother didn't help. But no, he runs from responsibility. One of the first times I met him, he was shocked I was a single dad. His words were, Adoption exists. Relation Mammoth says, You said she's much nicer to you in your original post, but it doesn't sound like it. Sounds like you've been putting up with crap, and somehow making it work,

[00:07:27] and maybe even being in denial. I just feel bad for the daughter. OP says, Maybe I was. I have a feeling she has a guy lined up, and that's how it switched so quickly, but who knows? They're having a pajama day today. She's definitely sad, but I'm sure there's more shit to follow. So, sometime later, OP comes in with her update, and says, I told my fiancé my stepdaughter isn't mine. I'm not sure if you've all forgotten me, but I'll start with some good news. We've finally figured out

[00:07:56] how to toast pop tarts properly for my son. We had about two weeks of calm. During that time, I spoke to my stepdaughter a few times about everything. I reassured her that no matter what happens, she'll always be my girl. She told me she hoped her mum wouldn't come back. She says her mum was controlling. Then, a few days ago, my ex-fiancé walked into my house carrying two grocery bags, acting as if nothing had happened. She asked me what I wanted for dinner.

[00:08:25] I told the kids to go to their rooms and confronted her. I told her that we were over. She asked why, and when I didn't respond, she said, couples fight, as if her actions were normal. Her behaviour was unsettling. I told her she needed to leave or I'd call the police. She asked why I was doing this to her. I was at a loss for words, so I picked up my phone. At that point, she backed down, saying, okay, let me get my daughter. I told her that if she wanted her daughter,

[00:08:54] she needed to call CPS and explain why she had disappeared for two weeks. She insisted she'd only been gone for one night. She refused to leave without her daughter and started shouting her name. Her daughter came out of her room and reluctantly said she would go with her. I told her, you have a place here for as long as you want. Her mother then said, he'll kick you out just like he's kicking me out. I stood my ground, saying she could have her daughter back after speaking to CPS.

[00:09:22] When I started dialing the police, she ran out. Later, I talked to my stepdaughter. She said she was willing to leave because she didn't want to cause trouble for me. I reminded her that she's the child, I'm the adult, and it's my responsibility to look after her, not the other way around. I asked her where she wanted to stay for now, and she said she'd rather stay here. Mike's fiancee ended up calling CPS. They reached out to me, and they were supposed to have a meeting yesterday with my fiancee.

[00:09:51] But she didn't show up to it, apparently. Maintenance Short says on the back of that one, oh yeah, she wants her daughter so badly with her that she missed the CPS meeting. Hope your stepdaughter can stay with you. The Huxer says, doesn't this reflect badly on her for further dealings? Like deeming her an unfit parent and taking custody of her daughter. Tropical Lime says, OP is her fiancee. If custody is given, it would be to the next of kin, the stepdaughter's father, A.

[00:10:20] Unless A feels his daughter much safer with you and happier than with A. Then OP can fight for custody. I'm not sure the legality of custody matters. West Coast says, it isn't always next of kin. My nephew's dad had a third child from a previous relationship. He has full custody of the kid and is legally his dad, but he doesn't share a drop of blood. He was the stepfather when mom lost custody, and the courts awarded the custody to the stepdad because it was best for the child.

[00:10:49] It obviously depends on the area, which is why it's different where you are, but the child's well-being rules out in most places. When they were deciding custody between stepdad and grandparents, they awarded it to stepdad because then he wouldn't have to change homes and schools and was kept with both his brothers. Winterworld says, there is seriously something mentally wrong with her. OP says, yep, seems to be. Novalad says, having been raised by a mom with BPD who acted just like this, you have no idea how powerful it was

[00:11:18] when you reminded her she was the child and it was your job to look after her. Sincerely, no matter what I can promise you, she felt safer in that moment. And hearing you say it out loud, than she likely ever has with her mother. Georgia Faye Wilde says, true. It's heartbreaking that so many children are forced to grow up in environments where their emotional instability takes precedence over their basic needs. And a lot of people questioning what is wrong with the mom in this situation. Some people reckon it's drugs,

[00:11:47] some people say a mental illness, and she's just lost touch with reality. But everyone feeling incredibly sorry for the poor girl in this situation, just craving some normality, some stability, and just hoping the daughter does get to stay with OP. He sounds like a good stepdad. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:12:15] And let's move on to another story. Now, this next story comes from a throwaway account, and it says, am I the asshole for being furious that my wife went to a strip club? I'm absolutely fuming at the moment, so I'm sorry if this is jarring. I, 35 male, have been married to my wife, 35 female, for eight years at this point, and I would have liked to believe that we had a solid marriage so far. My wife has a group of friends she frequently hangs out with,

[00:12:44] who I know and am on friendly terms with. I decided to go on an out-of-city trip, and she asked me if it was fine. Naturally, I told her that I didn't mind at all, and looked after our daughter, five female, during the three-day trip, from Friday to Sunday night. We've both had trips without the other, and there's been no history of cheating or any strange behavior. Imagine my surprise on Monday afternoon, when I see a friend update her status with pictures of them at a strip club. I confronted her and asked her

[00:13:14] what the hell she was thinking going to want. She defended herself by saying that nothing happened at all, but that doesn't inspire me with confidence. How can she just decide that going to a strip club without telling me is fine and dandy? Things have been tense ever since, and I've been staying in the spare bedroom. Now I'm here questioning whether or not this was the first time this has happened, or if there's been more secret trips to strip clubs or shows. Edit. No, I haven't been to any strip clubs. It was 100% a male strip club,

[00:13:44] and apparently it's controlling to ask your wife if you went to a strip club. The first commenter on this one says, not the arsehole. If she was up front and informed you that she was going to a strip club is one thing. I myself would be okay with her going. You finding out by seeing someone else's post about the strip club after the fact would cause tension in any relationship. Voided Music says, relationships need communication and trust. Your feelings here are valid. Blue Green says, not the arsehole.

[00:14:12] Okay, I'm laughing my arse off. Thanks. If she had written this about you, the Reddit brigade would be telling her that you're a dirty dog and probably cheating on her. You can expect a few not the arseholes, but I suspect you'll get an equal number of you are just insecure. Reddit is hilarious. The OP came in with the first update and says, I spoke with her last night once I called off enough and asked for the details. In short, the idea of going to one was spontaneous

[00:14:40] and suggested by the friend who posted the picture. It wasn't a male strip club, but it was one with both men and women too. I still called her out on just going along with this and not thinking that I might have a problem with it. She insists it was only harmless fun, but that does nothing to help the situation. Just because I didn't say strip clubs are a no doesn't mean they're okay. I'm astonished by her lack of common sense. At this point, I only give a damn about our daughter and nothing else because now I'm free to do whatever the hell I want

[00:15:09] as long as it's harmless. Now, our families know about this, but I couldn't care less about how I'm supposedly making this a bigger deal than it is. I knew for a fact that they wouldn't take this shit from their spouses. I'm close to just muting them for a while, but trying to rug sweep this shit before I say things no one wants to hear. I think I go up to a strip club in our city and spend a nice few hours there this weekend since it's so fine and acceptable. I really don't care if anyone calls me an asshole anymore, so have at it.

[00:15:39] Dickens Girl says, have fun at the strip club. Make sure to take lots of pictures. Instructions Unclear says, understand if you take pictures of the girls in most clubs, but get your arse beat out back by the bouncers. And this was apparently a former strip club employee. I was gonna say on that comment, I was like, yeah, take lots of pictures if you don't like your teeth. But Aero says, completely reasonable to be upset and notifier of that. Also completely reasonable to clearly draw the line in the sand of what the expectations are,

[00:16:09] even if you thought you didn't have to. That said, if you wanna fix the issue, then do the above. If you don't wanna fix the issue, but rather add to it by being petty, then do the below. Because now I'm free to do whatever the hell I want, as long as it's harmless. And I think that's exactly it, isn't it? If you do wanna fix your relationship, you need to talk about these boundaries, et cetera. But if you're done with it, then go ahead with your plan, I think. But Opie came in with another update and says,

[00:16:37] did what I said I would do and went off to this club on Saturday night. I decided to go with one of my few single buddies just for shits and giggles. Ended up having a threesome with a stripper by the end of the night. Nah, I'm bullshitting you guys. Yeah, you had me in the first half. But you'd like the drama, I'm sure. In reality, I just vented to my friends and stuffed my face at a steakhouse. They agreed that I was completely right to feel angry at her. They have no doubt that their wives would be exactly the same as me if they tried this.

[00:17:07] I'm still not letting this go, no matter how much anyone tells me otherwise. I'm not interested in shitty excuses or rubbish explanations to this kind of behavior. Once again, just because we did not discuss something doesn't mean I would be okay with it. By that logic, I could go sleep with another woman because we never discussed if that was okay or not. She's refused to see my point or discuss this further, so I gave up on her and told her I was done. I'm going to file for divorce, even if I only see my daughter half the time.

[00:17:37] Now, I'm finally being taken seriously by her and my family, but it's way too late for that now. Obviously, there won't be any further updates, but thanks for giving me your opinions, even if I don't agree with them. Firecracker says to all of that, to everyone calling this guy childish or the real arsehole, like just imagine if your spouse crossed a boundary, refuses to admit any wrong, then got the family to dogpile on and try to make you out to be wrong. All she had to do was admit fault,

[00:18:06] apologize and say she won't do it again. That's it. And let's reverse the genders here. You all would be livid if it was a husband that did all this. And again, there was a mix of comments on this one. Some people saying that OP is being childish with the, this will show her kind of stuff. Other people saying it's a stupid reason to get a divorce, but others are saying, well, you know, she's the one who's doing all the gaslighting here

[00:18:35] and good for OP for making their stand and telling her that, you know, you can't do this, it's not acceptable and they've had enough. But what do you guys make of this situation? How do you think you would feel about it if it was your partner? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much.

[00:19:03] And hopefully I will see you in the next one. Take care and much love.