I Told My Fiance He Has To Make His Groomswoman Wear a Wig Or Not Attend r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] Now today's first story comes from a throw away account from the Am I the Arsehole Here subreddit. And it says, Am I the Arsehole Here for making my husband's groomswoman wear a wig or be disinvited from our wedding? My boyfriend, now fiance, asked me to marry him two months ago. To give a little background, I met him at a farmer's market when I was 18 and he was 26. We're now 24 and 32. We've been together for a little bit over five years and I'm very happy with him.

[00:00:48] Now to the story. My fiance's friend, Brittany, has been friends with him since they were in elementary school. Throughout our early dating days, I expressed I was not a fan of this woman. There are many reasons as to why such as us not having common interests and absolutely polar opposite moral codes. But the main one was her interest in embarrassing me and my fiance. Possibly because she likes him. When we were first starting to go on dates, she had shown up and tried to invite us to embarrass me and my fiance.

[00:01:18] She had told her to get herself to the date because he had told their mutual friend group chat where he was taking me. She then decided that she would go to the same restaurant. Anne had tried to make a scene about him cheating on her and that she was heartbroken. It escalated very quickly and it ended with me asking the manager to get her trespassed. As she was delusional and I, nor my date, did not want her around.

[00:01:40] This sort of situation happened three more times, even going as far as showing up to his grandparents' house to stop me from meeting his family. At that point, I made it clear to him that if anything like that were to happen again, I'd be out of there. Which he completely understood and agreed with me, wholeheartedly. He convinced his friend group to go low communication about Brittany with him because she was acting weird around him. And they all understood and disagreed with her actions. He had extremely low contact after that point.

[00:02:10] And I learned years later that she had gotten major therapy, even checked herself into a mental hospital. And went on medication to stop these absolutely unhinged personality traits. Around four years later, they reconnected through a mutual friend's birthday party we were all at. And she genuinely seemed like she had changed personality wise from the person I met five-ish years ago.

[00:02:33] We still didn't agree on most things, but she apologized for the way she had acted previously and owned up to all the BS she had tried to pull with him. So, I just kept my guard up, but I encouraged my fiancé to make friends with her again. I'm not friends with her, but I am friendly towards her. Skipping to now. I've been planning this wedding basically since I was born. Over-exaggerating, but it has been in my thoughts since I was a young child. The wedding will not happen for another two years.

[00:03:01] The theme is supposed to be similar to D&D style fantasy. A renaissance wedding with blue, orange and red as the basic colour theme. Most of the wedding would be held outside a local skate park, but part of it would be held inside. Specifically, the cake and food would be cut and served inside, as well as some of the guest photos. This is the important part. I have a personal friend, Brie, apologies if that pronunciation is wrong,

[00:03:27] 28 female who does professional pictures at renaissance festivals across the US. Her job is to drive across the country to rent fairs and take pictures for certain venues. It's a very cool job and I love seeing the pictures. However, she does editing for some of these venues with a green screen to make it look more aesthetic or to totally change the scenery behind the people in the photo. For example, she showed me mock-ups for me in the past, showing silly people in costumes being chased by goblins and trolls,

[00:03:56] a dragon breathing fire behind a party of knights and even a garden of lights with fairies flying through it, etc. It's silly stuff and it's for people to have fun with. My idea was to incorporate this into my wedding. The guests would choose whatever background they'd like from a catalogue that my friend and I put together and Brie or a teammate would take pictures of them throughout the day. These pictures would be uploaded electronically and then to be edited by her after the wedding. These were mandatory for all the guests that wanted to participate,

[00:04:25] so I could use the pictures for postcards and scrapbooking. It's my hobby. The people who wanted to take part in this activity would have to check a box on the save the date form I sent out. My assumption is that most guests would be doing this, as most of the people that would be invited are extremely rambunctious and love activities involving being silly. I do want to make it clear. These would not be the only pictures taken at the wedding. There still would be normal pictures being taken at the wedding itself,

[00:04:53] as well as photos that would likely be framed and used as decorations that would have no green screen in my husband and I and the wedding party. A few days after he had proposed, my fiancé asked me if I'd feel comfortable with him inviting Brittany to the wedding as a groomswoman. Honestly, I was fine with it, until the topic of her hair came up. In the year or so that he had reconnected, she cut and dyed her hair a lime green with a cool undertone and highlights. I honestly really like it and it suits her facial structure extremely well.

[00:05:22] However, I was worried about the green screen in her hair, so I invited her to my friend's home a while later, so we could see if the screen would blend with her hair. Unfortunately, it did. In the pictures, you could see a major glitch with every background we tried because of her hair. I asked my friend if there was a way to edit around it, and she said there was, but it would be an extra amount of money because it would be way, way more time to go through

[00:05:47] and possibly edit multiple photos of her with groups of people in herself so the picture wouldn't glitch. I'm very against this as our budget has to be semi-perfect. We are accounting for accidents and issues, but not extra money to my friend's business because of one woman's choice of dye blending very well with the green screen. While I do love her hair, I asked if she'd wear a wig to the wedding so she could still be included in the green screen pictures, even offered to get it professionally done, and I'd pay for that.

[00:06:16] This is when she became very angry with me. To sum up what she had said, her being asked to wear a wig was basically me saying I wanted to cover herself, that her hair was an expression of herself and that she loved it. I told her that I loved it as well, but in order for her to be included, she would need to wear a wig, as the green in her hair cannot just be covered up via a hat or other headwear. She has been saying that I just don't want to include her in the wedding. As a compromise against the wig,

[00:06:45] I propose that she gets more pictures of her having fun taken at the wedding itself, instead of the green screen. She didn't like this idea because she claims it isn't fair all the other guests get to put in a fun picture, and she's the only one not allowed. Though I sort of agree with her, it isn't to the fault of my own. So I offered that she paid for the extra editing costs it would be to take and edit more of her pictures. At first she was fine with the idea, until I mentioned that the extra editing would cost around $100

[00:07:13] for just a singular picture to be taken and edited by my friend, and the final price depended on how many photos she ended up on the green screen. Then she declined the offer and tried to throw it in my face. At Bree's prices were outrageous. I disagreed with her sentiment about the prices, and I haven't spoken to her since then. Throughout this whole ordeal, my fiancé has been on my side, but he has been upset over her possibly not being there. While he does agree with me about not wanting to pay more just for her,

[00:07:42] as well as that she's being overdramatic, he has sympathy for her being the only person being left out of this choice activity. While I also have sympathy, I just don't see an alternative here. We can't use a blue screen over a green screen because the colors of the wedding are blue, red, and orange, and I don't wish to pay for a new screen for my friend's business just because of one person. And the alternatives I come up with, she is shot down. So my final decision was to ask him to disinvite her from the wedding to not create further drama,

[00:08:11] if she does not want to wear a wig. After long talks between us, he agreed with me and sent her a message that she'd be disinvited entirely and would be welcome to celebrate with just us, after our honeymoon has ended. They met up soon afterwards, and he stayed firm on the matter, despite her crying and still refusing to do anything to correct her hair. She still believes that me asking her to do this is some sort of power imbalance and that I just want to bully her, which I don't think I'm doing. She has a year to think it over.

[00:08:39] I can tell this situation bothers him though, and I've addressed it a few times. All of the times I have, he says it's for the best, as she would just ruin the photo she was in with a green screen and could cost us to delete hundreds of pictures, purely based on her actions. I agree, but it still bothers me that I'm doing something wrong, especially since after this incident, her mum and dad have reached out to me to scold me for abusing my power against their daughter on one of the biggest parties she's ever been invited to.

[00:09:08] Even my friends are split on the issue, all of them having sympathy for her, but some of them saying I'm an arsehole because I won't just let her come to the wedding and have someone block her from taking any pictures with a green screen. And just to make sure the record is straight, I'm not trying to force her to change her hair in any way. I do not want her to dye it differently, nor would I expect her to. I purely just want a non-green wig to be put on her head for the wedding and then she can remove it afterwards. I would normally say that she could remove it

[00:09:37] after the green screen portion, but I'm still working out if I'm just gonna let it stay up for the entire day of the wedding, or if I'm going to hold other activities for everyone and have Brie close the photo stuff down. Again, wedding isn't for another two years, so I'm able to think it over for at least a year. I don't know. Am I the arsehole? I was kind of left after this one, like the wedding's like two years out and they're talking about hair dyeing and stuff now. I don't know if that's normal or not,

[00:10:06] but I just left me like, oh, theory me. And I'm not sure what sort of system they're taking their photos and I'm not gonna criticize how much they charge, et cetera. They know how much they need to charge to edit photos. It's their time, et cetera. And I use Photoshop every now and then. I'm no expert by any means, but I used to edit the photos for the company I worked at previously, you know, cutting out objects, touching stuff up, adding various filters and stuff. And it had me thinking, don't you just mask the hair back in?

[00:10:36] And I know we've got a lot of information about their past and their relationship and how they feel about each other. And let's just go down the path of there's no alternative whatsoever. You know, you can't pay the money and it's a system that can't be changed easily. The whole thing just had me wondering, is she actually still well? Because if the bridegroom, whoever came up to me and explained the situation that was going on, how much the editing would cost and, you know, they can't afford it, et cetera.

[00:11:06] And they gave me the choice. You can either be in the photos or not, but you'd have to change your hair to do so. I think I'd be understanding of that. You know, there's no alternative to this apart from expense. And I wouldn't expect them to accommodate that of me. And if I didn't want to change my hair, I'd say, oh, I just won't be in the photos then. Simple as that really, right? But it just felt like there's a lot of unneeded back and forth here. But Opie responds to loads of comments regarding the photo booth in the background and says,

[00:11:35] I will add some context to that. As I thought, I made it clear, but apparently not. The activity with the green screen is open to be used by everyone that signed up for it. Mostly so I can get an accurate number of people that will have multiple pictures taken of them. I would encourage them to do it in groups. So if one person's hair is making it glitch and you have multiple people in a picture, it turns into a more than just $100 venture. It turns into thousands of dollars that I simply do not have. Free told me that the total price

[00:12:03] could potentially quadruple the price I'm willing to pay because it would take hours to Photoshop every single picture Britney is in. Then quotes, This woman as a guest was always an option, but they decided to invite her to be more than that and are now reneging because of her hair. Then continues, Guests are welcome to the green screen too. This is why uninviting her was on the plate because if she does not want to be left out of a portion of the wedding, then how else would I get her to not take pictures with other people with the green screen?

[00:12:33] Opie added more information on Britney's green dyed hair situation and says, I didn't mention this only because I was already typing a lot and forgot to add it. But she has more appointments booked to get her hair touched up with more green coloring in the next two years because of the fading that color like that does. I recently only found out this information from my fiance before we decided to tell her about the issue. If her hair isn't green for whatever reason in a year or she changes her mind about not minding that she isn't allowed to be in the green screen pictures,

[00:13:01] I'm sure something could work out differently and that wouldn't affect much at all. Someone says to Opie, so the easiest solution would for her to not just be in those photos, right? Opie says, that is correct and I agree with you. The issue is that I'm being made into the bad guy because she doesn't want to be left out of one of the four big activities I have for the wedding. I didn't include all the other stuff because I wasn't trying to pile on about how badly she's taking this. As the post is already very long, but she's yelled at me, cried, called my fiance 33 times

[00:13:31] while he was at work and more. Or because I can't fix that she physically cannot be in a green screen pictures without ruining them because I do not want to afford a major increase on my spending. And quotes and says, I don't get why Opie is jumping to uninviting her over a much simpler, I'm sorry we can't afford the extra to accommodate your hair color for those pictures. If you won't pay or wear a wig, then you won't be in them. Opie continues saying, a lot of people keep saying this and I think I should have made it more clear. We didn't uninvite her technically.

[00:14:01] The conversation between her and my fiance was more similar too, to the best recollection of his memory. Fiance said, we need to talk about your antics ever since Opie told you couldn't be in the green screen pictures. She replied, okay, I was going to bring it up to you, but I thought you'd make the better choice once we talked in person. Fiance replied saying, I have decided that I don't want you to be at my wedding if you won't just choose how to temporarily alleviate the issues for the photo op and your hair. Brittany replied, what?

[00:14:29] You would uninvite me over this. Why can't she, me, just have her editor friend edit my pictures so my hair doesn't get cropped out and ruin the look of the pictures? Fiance replied, because it costs a lot more for Brie to spend four to five hours on each photo, over exaggeration on his part, to individually and manually put your hair back to normal. There's a long process involved and she charges by the hour for editing like that. We're already paying a lot for wedding photos because Opie and I want to use them for years to come and we can't afford

[00:14:59] another large sum of money for Photoshop editing added to the 1200 photo package. Even if sent them digitally to a different editor than Brie, we'll still be looking at an additional thousand dollars tacked onto it. Brittany then starts crying and says, I thought you wanted me at your wedding and wanted my niece to be the ring bearer. I wanted to be in those photos because they look like so much fun. She just doesn't want me there so she's saying I can't come or because I just wanted to be included with everyone else for the photo op.

[00:15:28] I just don't understand why you won't pay the thousand dollars and be done with it. You make a lot of money and so does she. Fiance replied saying your sister agrees with Opie and I about this topic. She thinks you're being ridiculous and dying on the wrong hill. Your niece is still on the table to be the ring bearer even though we've never explicitly said so. Just asked her mom if she could do that without getting too nervous in front of all the people. Either way, it doesn't matter. I'd like you to be there but if you're going to make being in the photo op your hill

[00:15:56] I'm not going to tolerate it. I do not want you ruining my wedding because you decided to throw a fit while you're there that you can't be in the photo op. Or worse, you photobomb pictures so you can be in them. Opie has made it clear on the outcomes of the photos to you. You look like you are bald and you block pieces of people behind you because of your hair. Unfortunately, that means you can't be included because we are paying per photo. Not for the time. Brittany starts getting a little hysterical and then stands up and says fine if you're not going

[00:16:26] to let my hair be the way it is I'm just not going to go. I want to be in the photo op I don't understand why you can't pay for the extra editing cost for me because I'm your oldest friend. We've been together since we were four or five I just don't understand why you chose that woman over me in this situation. She is abusing her power. She doesn't understand that the photo op is a major part of the wedding. It isn't. It's just an activity and she is not including me in it. Opie then adds saying I didn't know this part happened until I was typing this comment with my fiance

[00:16:56] but here is some added dialogue. Fiance says okay Brittany in that case if you won't fix the situation whether it be just to not participate in the photo op or wear a wig or cover your hair I don't want you there to cause drama. If you decide to change in the next year before we have to book the exact amount of people for the venue you're more than welcome to be there as a guest but I do not want you as a groomswoman anymore. You've made me uncomfortable with how you're treating my future wife and your endless barrage of insults towards her is not going to be tolerated.

[00:17:25] You've insulted her so you've insulted me. I believed you had changed for the better but I was wrong. The only reason you're invited even still stands with conditions is because your family is very dear to me and I love your sister like a daughter. She starts crying hysterically and tries to grab him by the sleeve but he pulls away gets up from the bar and walks out of the restaurant. So yeah that's the entire conversation to the best of my fiance's ability. Basically she's been incredibly difficult and stubborn over wanting us to pay the 1000 plus

[00:17:53] for extra editing because she knows we have the money. We just don't want to pay it only for her. Honestly if the situation was different I would have been persuaded to pay half the cost of the editing and just taken the loss on the photo she happened to be in. I would have done that as a last compromise over just covering her head temporarily. But with her constant insults endless barrage of complaints that aren't related to this post and her being extremely rude to me and my partner about the wedding photos it just isn't in the cards for me now.

[00:18:23] So OP came in with an update and said I honestly didn't think I'd post an update at all this year because I mostly got the confirmation I needed to know I was mostly correct in my assumption that she'd cause more drama at the wedding than necessary and that I'd be correct in that I would be okay to disinvite her. I was trying to be detailed in that post but in this one I'm going to be a little less detailed. Basically three days ago I was sent my post on Messenger from Brittany. She's a notorious Reddit lurker apparently and saw it a few hours after it was posted.

[00:18:53] It didn't even have to get multiple upvotes because she just reads the ones available on the recent category. I told her I posted because I had a lot of inner conflict towards my involvement with my fiancee choosing to disinvite her if she can't just make some sort of sacrifice to not be in the green screen slash wear a wig so she can be included. She got extremely mad at me called me names threatened that I'd be sued for defamation etc. This honestly just made me realize how little she actually changed. Of course I showed

[00:19:23] my fiancee and he was appalled at her actions. He said he was going to block her and did so that day and so did I. Yesterday I woke up to 43 missed calls from a number I did not recognize. It ended up to be her and a dozen voicemails claiming that I was stealing my fiancee away from her again that I purposely targeted her but just wanted to be included with everyone else and so on. I do not know how she got my number but I obviously blocked it. After that I reported her to the police on a non-emergency line because I

[00:19:53] didn't know if I would be needing to fear for my safety. I'm really glad I did this. After my fiancee had left for work she showed up at her home and knocked on the door. I cracked the window near the door and asked what she wanted. She said, whilst crying, that I needed to let her in the house because it was her right to be with my fiancee not me. She started kicking at the door and I told her to knock it off. Immediately I just started dialing the non-emergency police number for my nearest precinct because I already knew what was happening in

[00:20:23] that moment and I was supposed to be clocking in for work on my computer at that moment. I text my boss and she excused my absence for the day as well. As I was doing this I kept repeating, go away, I called the police, I do not want you here, you're trespassing. She was saying all kinds of things I don't wish to repeat here but the lesser of the things she was saying involved, calling me a white racist pig, she is mixed race and so am I, saying she was eight months pregnant with my fiancee's baby. There's quite literally zero

[00:20:52] proof of this including no baby bump despite being a fairly thin woman, screaming that she would take me to hell, trying to break my metal outside door but instead hurting herself instead, and so on. Basically she had a full on meltdown, the police came, saw that she was trying to break my door down and immediately put her in cuffs and sat her down. She was claiming this was her house and she'd lived there for 10 years and that I'd broken in and locked her out etc. Of course because of her psychotic appearance I was questioned and once

[00:21:22] given the real story as well as being able to provide proof that I was the owner of the home, she was taken to the police station. As far as I'm aware she was booked for the night and was let go today. I did agree to a temporary no contact order for my fiancé are going to proceed with a permanent one. Her parents called after they heard she was put in a holding cell and apologized profusely. Apparently Brittany had lied to them about the extent of her actions and downplayed a lot of it. On the exterior she seemed fine and well rounded but mentally she had snapped again from

[00:21:52] not taking her meds for a year. She never told her parents this, just acted normally until one of her triggers came back. My fiancé. No. He didn't do anything wrong. She just had a major trigger when it came to him because of deeply obsessive personality disorder. I wasn't trying to air her dirty laundry about her medical history the last post but she was diagnosed with BPD and a large handful of disorders caused by trauma she had enjoyed in her childhood from her great grandfather. She's an unhealthy person and I regret

[00:22:21] even allowing her to have the notion that we had forgiven her for her past. I'm pretty shaken from this ordeal and I can't believe this was all because of a goddamn green screen and some pictures that were supposed to just be treated as silly holiday cards for my foreseeable future. This is making me rethink the idea altogether to be completely honest. Maybe I'll just rent an adult bouncy house because that seems more fun than green screen professional photography. Anyways, that's the update. Thanks for reading and the advice I was given in the last

[00:22:51] post. Adult bouncy house. I love the sound of that but I'm not sure if it sounds like a good, I'm not sure if it's a good idea at a wedding or not. I'm not sure if there's alcohol involved but I saw a video, I can't remember where I saw it, it was some months back where there was a wedding and everyone was having a good time and there was a massive trampoline outside. Bunch of the adult men got on it, not sure how many, let's say six and they were bouncing and having a good time. Trampoline was doing alright and then suddenly the elastic, the trampoline part gave way and the guy

[00:23:21] went through and I think he broke his ankle or something. But a commenter says to the OP, my god, I would love to be as calm and collected as you. Teach me your ways. In all seriousness though, I hope you're okay. Don't let it get to you. Do your wedding the way you want. Wishing you all the very best. OP says, oh I was not calm and collected. I was crying and feeling very scared. The only reason I was able to make rational decisions is because I had mentally and physically prepared myself for another incident like this happening because I was a victim of

[00:23:50] non-sexual assault during a break in my mum's house when I was 14 and it made me terrified of not knowing what to do if an incident like this ever occurred again. I was acting on instinct. Therapy and an incredible woman's defense coach got me to this point. I also live in Texas so Castle Doctrine was on my side. Commenter 2 says, this woman is an absolute lunatic. Make sure that you get a permanent restraining order. You should also consider security for your wedding venue because she's more than likely going to show up and do

[00:24:20] something crazy again. Good luck OP. You're gonna need it. OP says, I already have security in the works that was unrelated to this incident. Now it's a, for sure, having a small security team. That's another incident. Commenter 3 says, this situation isn't about green screen or pictures. It's about an extremely unstable person refusing to follow their doctor's orders. The hair and picture problems are at best the catalyst for a breakdown, but it most certainly isn't the cause.

[00:24:49] It's your and your fiance's day, so if you'll decide to do something other than pictures, go right ahead. However, I would hate for you to regret not doing it because of one nutball. I gotta be honest, I'm exhausted. Weddings shouldn't be this hard, should they? You know, it's meant to be a celebration of love and happiness and and everyone having a good time. One of the best days of your life. This just sounds like it's going to be exhausting. I mean, it's two years away. My golly gosh, but now I'm going to

[00:25:18] turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.