I Told My Co-Worker Losing Weight Will Get Her Better Career Prospects r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories

[00:00:09] And if you do love a Reddit story why not consider hitting that like subscribe

[00:00:13] Maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first story much love guys

[00:00:20] Now today's first story comes from a bunch of subreddits as the MI the arsehole today

[00:00:25] I messed up in relationship advice as well from a deleted

[00:00:28] User who says am I the arsehole for advising my co-worker to lose weight if she wants better career prospects

[00:00:37] Oh boy. I

[00:00:39] 29 male work in marketing which is a job where your appearance can really affect your perception by clients and higher ups

[00:00:46] There's a woman in my office. I call her Sarah 27 female

[00:00:50] There is no way to put it. She is quite overweight

[00:00:54] I've observed that she doesn't seem to be taken as seriously as the other employees

[00:00:59] I've seen clients and higher up show more engagement when interacting with the slimmer employees in that during meetings

[00:01:05] When she shares ideas or suggestions her ideas are often overlooked or dismissed more quickly compared to the others

[00:01:12] The other day we were both in the break room and she was complaining about not getting the promotion

[00:01:17] She was hoping for a hinted to her that maybe losing some weight would improve her chances

[00:01:22] She was shocked and got angry at me telling me that I was nasty and insensitive

[00:01:28] I tell her that I had nothing against her and that was just trying to help her out with some feedback. I

[00:01:34] Like Sarah and I think she's very good at her job

[00:01:36] I just think losing weight would be good for her

[00:01:39] Instead, she's been avoiding me and a couple of other co-workers have hinted that my comment was out of line

[00:01:45] Was in no way intending to offend her. I was just trying to give some friendly advice

[00:01:50] Am I the arsehole for advising Sarah to lose weight if she wants better career prospects?

[00:01:57] So there was a string of comments where it got a little bit heated the first comment says yes

[00:02:01] You're the arsehole you had no reason to comment on our weight

[00:02:04] You chose to do so anyway

[00:02:05] Don't comment on people's looks unless it's an issue for HR in which case make those comments only to HR

[00:02:13] In this next comment, which was I'll tell you now. It was heavily downvoted

[00:02:17] It says I like how all the arsehole answers seem to be utterly and totally unaware of the numerous studies that show people

[00:02:23] React to attractive people more positively

[00:02:26] P might be a tactless arsehole

[00:02:28] But they're also absolutely factually correct again in shape would make her more likely to get promotions and more successful as a

[00:02:35] marketing agent

[00:02:37] The last comment to reply to that one says in quoting op might be a tactless arsehole and says yes

[00:02:42] That's the reason he's the arsehole

[00:02:44] Attackless arsehole is an arsehole. It's tautological and true. This isn't is the OP technically correct

[00:02:52] It's is the OP an arsehole

[00:02:55] The commenter says of course all the arsehole

[00:02:57] There's no way you're 29 in a marketing have so little social skills your advice was

[00:03:03] unsolicited and rude

[00:03:05] And one more comment which has marketing can be a really toxic feel and I've met my fair share of mean girls and

[00:03:11] Self-important arseholes working in it. It's honestly not surprising to me that OP acts like this

[00:03:18] I'm just sort of rubbing my forehead right now. Just thinking what

[00:03:23] possesses you

[00:03:24] That's a come out for that to go through your head and come out your mouth

[00:03:27] You know, you're sat in your break room

[00:03:29] She's talking about not getting a promotion and then you think oh, this would be a good time to say this

[00:03:34] Oh, dear me. Yes, of course all the arsehole in this situation

[00:03:39] Of course an OP had another post on the today

[00:03:43] I messed up subreddit and says a week back

[00:03:46] I made a post on my VR soul about advising my co-worker Sarah to lose weight in order to be taken more seriously in our workplace

[00:03:53] After all the comments, I realized that I was in the wrong

[00:03:56] My comment was inappropriate and hurtful and I needed to apologize to Sarah properly

[00:04:01] So I approached Sarah again

[00:04:04] Admitted I was wrong and saying what I said and I was deeply sorry for hurting her

[00:04:09] In the course of the conversation, I accidentally suggested for her to start going to the gym

[00:04:14] Immediately regretted saying it. She started to cry. I tried to apologize, but the damage was done

[00:04:20] The next day I was called into HR for a meeting

[00:04:23] Sarah had reported this second conversation to them

[00:04:26] HR told me any remarks about my co-workers appearance were considered harassment and the fact that did it more than once was completely

[00:04:33] unacceptable

[00:04:34] They then told me I was fired. I was shocked. I never got into any trouble at work

[00:04:40] I didn't expect to get fired so suddenly with no warnings or anything. I genuinely thought I was helping Sarah

[00:04:47] I would never hurt her intentionally or anyone else. I feel so terrible

[00:04:52] Sarah blocked me so I reached out to a friend to send my apology letter to her

[00:04:57] A friend told me Sarah was still very upset and hated me

[00:05:01] This job was so important to me. I don't think I'll find another one like this with as high of a salary

[00:05:07] I don't know how I'll tell my girlfriend or my family about this

[00:05:11] Two weeks ago, I was talking to them about the possibility of a promotion and now I'm unemployed

[00:05:17] I guess I learned my lesson the hard way

[00:05:20] What the fuck was that? So you went to apologize to her

[00:05:24] Good one

[00:05:25] But in the course of the conversation you pretty much said exactly the same thing again

[00:05:30] You accidentally suggested for her to start going to the gym. Oh

[00:05:34] dear

[00:05:35] Now's the time to leave her alone

[00:05:38] She ain't gonna want nothing to do with you

[00:05:40] You upset her twice in a row leave the letters leave her alone

[00:05:44] But mega duck cougar voice is on such a Reddit story lol that unsolicited advice about my appearance was unwelcome

[00:05:50] Okay, I'm sorry, but here's more unsolicited advice dude leave her alone. Oh

[00:05:57] Why did she block me? I really needed to know how great of a guy I am

[00:06:02] Garage man says have you considered showing up at her house with a gift certificate to Planet Fitness as a way of making her feel better

[00:06:10] Opie says I mean I have a leftover gift card for

[00:06:15] You fuck

[00:06:16] I mean I have a leftover gift card for any time fitness to like a forward tour through one of her friends as I don't know her address

[00:06:23] I don't know if she'd appreciate it though

[00:06:26] unequivocally maybe replies that and says oh so you're

[00:06:28] Stupid stupid

[00:06:30] Still in users found another post from op that was in the history of course

[00:06:35] Titled my girlfriend 28 female and her family is upset because I 29 male

[00:06:40] Showed up at their holiday destination without their agreement. What do I do?

[00:06:44] And this happened eight days after

[00:06:47] everything else

[00:06:49] I've been with my girlfriend for around two years

[00:06:52] A few weeks ago my girlfriend Anna planned a three week holiday with her family their longest holiday in a while

[00:06:58] I asked to join because I felt uncomfortable with her going away for so long

[00:07:02] She also has cousins there who I'm worried could be a bad influence

[00:07:07] She told me I couldn't

[00:07:09] I didn't think it was a good idea for her to go without me

[00:07:11] So I found the air bnb location on her computer

[00:07:15] Took a note of it and flew over there myself when they were on holiday just to make sure things were going all right

[00:07:21] I thought it'd be a sweet gesture and they would be happy to see me

[00:07:24] But once I arrived and rang the doorbell her dad opened the door asked me what I was doing

[00:07:30] Then told me to go away when I explained

[00:07:32] I called Anna because it would be easier to resolve it with her there

[00:07:36] But she was out so I waited outside for her to come back

[00:07:40] Her dad came out again and started to threaten to get physical if I didn't leave

[00:07:44] I then apologized quickly and left

[00:07:47] When she heard about it, she texted me saying she was upset because this was a family holiday

[00:07:52] And I'm not respecting her privacy. She also told me her parents hate me

[00:07:58] I had to fly back home as I couldn't afford to stay there

[00:08:01] I'm really worried what is going to happen to her without me on her long holiday

[00:08:05] How do I deal with her cousins make sure she's all right and repair my relationship with Anna and her parents without me being there

[00:08:13] So there were some top comments after this one usually writes as what the fuck am I reading?

[00:08:18] This is stalker psycho shit. You weren't trying to be sweet

[00:08:21] You planned to force your way into a vacation you were explicitly not invited to because of your insecurity

[00:08:28] Therapy the fact that you think this was okay in any way is absolutely nuts. It'll says fuck therapy jail

[00:08:34] This is how women get killed by their boyfriend. He doesn't seem honest either

[00:08:39] I bet he thought he would catch her doing something

[00:08:42] Katz and topcoat says so you asked if you could come on this trip

[00:08:45] She said no and then you expected her to be happy to see you on the trip

[00:08:49] Opie says I bet she would have been happy if she opened the door

[00:08:52] But her parents just convinced her that I was in the wrong

[00:08:56] Starry dust says why are you so concerned about the cousins?

[00:08:59] You didn't provide any explanation as to why you believe there could be a bad influence

[00:09:03] You said this was the reason you crashed her family vacation

[00:09:07] Opie says well, it's not the only reason the cousins like going out to parties a lot and stuff

[00:09:13] absolute madness man and a way to blow your life up in a series of posts, right

[00:09:19] That's some crazy art level behavior to turn up at the door

[00:09:22] It's like doesn't it go through these people's minds like what do you expect to happen?

[00:09:27] What is the outcome of this situation put yourself in their shoes?

[00:09:31] You knocking on their door traveling to the whole day destination. Hello

[00:09:34] Here I am

[00:09:36] And you just expect them to go hey, come on in make yourself at home join the holiday

[00:09:41] Of course not they're going what the fuck is my daughter dating right now

[00:09:46] Now totally off topic but a little story that popped into my head when I was younger

[00:09:50] And my next-door neighbor at the time at that age. I can't remember exactly what age

[00:09:54] I was pretty young though and two of my best friends lived next door to me

[00:09:58] And their mum who was a single mum and she was dating this guy at the time

[00:10:02] I'm not I'm not sure where she met him or anything and he kind of looked like a

[00:10:07] The actor and I might butcher this pronunciation

[00:10:10] So I do apologize at Louis Guzman

[00:10:12] He looked like him and and basically we heard that she had broken up from this guy

[00:10:17] He lived about three hours north of us, you know, we're in Oxfordshire

[00:10:21] And I think he was sort of like black pool way and there was about four of our kids just sat on my neighbor's wall

[00:10:27] We were just sort of chatting away just messing about and then suddenly this car pulled up and

[00:10:32] My friend's mum got her kids in and so it was just me and another friend who was sat on the wall outside

[00:10:37] Just thinking what the fuck's going on here and then this this guy comes out

[00:10:41] With a guitar in his hand and he just stands at the front

[00:10:43] Singing playing this guitar singing love songs that are I can't remember exactly what the songs were but it was

[00:10:48] It was pretty much a tune. I remember us clapping along at one point

[00:10:53] But again looking back on that situation and I'm glad this already reminded me of it

[00:10:57] He just think what the fuck was going through that guy's mind? What was he expecting?

[00:11:01] Did he just watch one too many movies and he thinks fuck me. She's gonna love this take the guitar out

[00:11:08] Strum a few tunes

[00:11:09] She could be all over it has to be said though. He had a pretty good voice

[00:11:12] But you stood there in the middle of a council estate serenading someone outside their house

[00:11:17] Who wants nothing to do with you?

[00:11:19] Which of course attracts the attention of all the local nosy bastards myself included of course

[00:11:24] I'm starting the wall ad front row seats

[00:11:27] Anyway, totally random story there. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:11:32] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story

[00:11:38] Now our next story comes from it's everly bear who says

[00:11:42] My motherly aunt wants me to give up my unborn baby girl to my godly infertile cousin

[00:11:49] Now there's a few warnings on this one before we do get into it in case you do want to skip the story

[00:11:54] So please feel free to do so it contains talk of fertility issues death of loved ones possible religious abuse

[00:12:01] And now let's get into it

[00:12:03] I 24 female and currently eight months pregnant with a baby girl

[00:12:07] And my aunt slash cousin have been given me trouble since I have announced the news

[00:12:12] My partner and I already adore our girl and have no plans to give her up

[00:12:16] But my aunt wants me to give up my child to my cousin who's been suffering for infertility for the past five years

[00:12:23] In more context, my aunt has raised my sister and I as a motherly figure after our mother passed away when we were very young

[00:12:29] We've been quite close with our aunt slash cousin throughout our life and have been trying to support my cousin through her struggles with infertility

[00:12:36] My aunt is also very religious being a Mormon

[00:12:39] Who regularly attends church and has a very rigid close-minded view on morality and values and live in a good life

[00:12:47] She believes that a child deserves a strong foundational religious upbringing with a strong providing father and a loving attentive mother

[00:12:55] Because my partner is not a Christian and because we both have full-time jobs and careers

[00:13:00] She believes that my child will grow up confused and misguided in our household due to our religious differences

[00:13:07] Lacking a proper sense of identity and adequate care

[00:13:10] She says she fears that our child's well-being will not be put first in such an environment

[00:13:15] And that our kid could likely go down a dark and moral path

[00:13:19] According to her my cousin who works part-time from home

[00:13:22] And her husband are way better able to provide my child with a loving home with good values and religion

[00:13:28] I've both my aunt and cousin blocked on most forms of communication that have moved to a new home

[00:13:33] Where they do not know the address

[00:13:35] My partner and I also got married in a private ceremony. So they won't have control over my medical decisions

[00:13:41] Out of the two my aunt had been more aggressively towards me and even showed up to my old apartment one day to scream and argue with me about the situation

[00:13:49] She in a fake nice tone

[00:13:51] Tried to get me to come with her to a cafe near the church to speak with me about the baby

[00:13:56] Even when I told her there is nothing to be discussed and that i'm keeping the baby

[00:14:00] I spoke with the apartment manager and had to hide until she left after half an hour

[00:14:04] My aunt also has her church friends after me

[00:14:07] They sometimes regularly send me hostile text messages and voicemails

[00:14:10] My cousin has been on the quieter side towards me and has been struggling with depression and trauma for a latest pregnancy

[00:14:18] Last year ending in a stillbirth of her baby girl after a preterm labor at 30 weeks

[00:14:24] She'd been regularly posted on social media and has joined motherhood related groups

[00:14:29] I've heard through gossip that she's trying to get a baby through those groups and has been banned from a considerable amount of them

[00:14:34] To her dismay

[00:14:36] She had been harassing young moms and widows for their babies

[00:14:40] My cousin is desperate for a baby to fix her family and is apparently waiting for my name to give birth

[00:14:47] For my baby girl who she apparently sees her own late baby in my aunt and her are apparently sure

[00:14:53] That i'll be overwhelmed with my decision and the responsibilities with motherhood

[00:14:56] That I will give up slash give more to my baby by letting my cousin and her adopt her

[00:15:01] My aunt says that given my baby to my cousin shouldn't be as hard as it could be because we are family

[00:15:07] And I could have a baby later on as i'm still young that plans to attend grad school after working for a while

[00:15:13] My cousin also apparently wants to get into contact as we head before my pregnancy

[00:15:18] I will not be speaking to her again until after I give birth to see where she is then and to prevent further stress during my pregnancy

[00:15:25] I've been very supportive of her through her infertility journey and generally like them more than I aren't growing up

[00:15:31] But the behavior and thinking has shocked me and are making me fear for my safety

[00:15:36] I'm planning a big wedding party for next year since my partner and I privately got married this year

[00:15:41] And I'm not sure if my cousin and aunt will be invited and able to come

[00:15:44] I have a lot of family support from both sides right now apart from those who are close to them and on their side

[00:15:50] But i'm not sure if that support will be strong in a year and what my relationship with my aunt cousin will be then

[00:15:56] I've skipped some family events that I know they will be at but I don't want to miss out on those family gatherings and fun forever

[00:16:03] I'm not sure how the future will look with my aunt and cousin after my baby and the issues that arise with that

[00:16:08] Any support would be appreciated

[00:16:11] So as always there's some relevant comments with replies from the op

[00:16:15] Someone says that's your baby in your baby alone

[00:16:18] Get law enforcement involved if you have to get restraining orders if you have to if you ever do talk to your aunt and cousin again

[00:16:25] Remind them how there are plenty of other babies in your area that are waiting to be adopted

[00:16:29] Best of luck and congratulations

[00:16:32] Opie says thanks regarding adoption

[00:16:35] I don't think my cousin would be a great adoptive mother. So I'd rather not encourage her on that

[00:16:39] Based on what I know she only wants a baby girl right now

[00:16:42] And the baby has to be like her a k a white and have whiter features

[00:16:47] I must not have any issues

[00:16:49] She does not want to deal with or involve the birth mother and pretty much wants to act like the adoption never happened

[00:16:54] The mentality tells me she's only adopting for selfish reasons and does not want to make the adoption

[00:16:59] The beautiful thing it can be for everyone involved

[00:17:01] Although i'm not giving her my baby

[00:17:03] I'm hypothetically concerned of how she would treat me and try to alienate me from any relationship with the child if I're in that position

[00:17:12] Someone says please whatever you do do not allow your aunt or cousin to be anywhere near your child

[00:17:17] Do not allow them to hold your child

[00:17:19] Do not ever ever allow them to babysit your child because your child will disappear

[00:17:24] If at all possible in the future, maybe consider moving out of that city

[00:17:27] Make sure you have camera set up around your house

[00:17:30] Even if they don't know where you live now, there's always a chance that could follow you home from work

[00:17:34] Be hyper vigilant

[00:17:37] Congratulations on the soon to be birth of your little one

[00:17:40] Opie says my partner and I have moved out of the city and into a new home recently

[00:17:44] My aunt and cousin have become aware of this but don't know the address

[00:17:47] I don't think much of being followed home from work

[00:17:49] But since they didn't know where I live anymore it may try something at my workplace

[00:17:54] I'll have to talk about this more with my co-worker slash boss and alert them sternly

[00:17:58] And then op about the religion and where they stand on it

[00:18:02] They said I was raised Mormon and my aunt has always been pushing the religion and all of its components on me and my sister

[00:18:09] How we are both not very religious and do not regularly attend church

[00:18:12] I still believe in Jesus, but I'm definitely not near what my aunt is and wants me to be in religion

[00:18:17] She says she disappointed with me on that and is using my lack of devotion

[00:18:21] To say that my baby will be even worse off than me and go down the wrong path if I'm like this with a Mormon upbringing

[00:18:28] Hope he then comes in with her update and says this will be a small update

[00:18:31] We got in contact with a local church leader and talked to them about the situation with my aunt and cousin

[00:18:36] who are both active members

[00:18:38] We talked to him for a while

[00:18:40] He initially dismissed my concerns as personal conflict between family and tried to refer us over to counseling services

[00:18:46] We explained to him that my cousin is dealing with trauma from her baby's death

[00:18:50] And she is having false hopes about adopting my baby, which would be raised in a good home

[00:18:55] We also told him that my aunt is feeding into those hopes and has been harassing me on her behalf

[00:19:01] Causing disturbance and a lot of stress

[00:19:02] He told me understood my side and he knew what my cousin had been going through with her inability to have kids

[00:19:08] He said he would contact my aunt and cousin to see what they have to say about the situation

[00:19:13] I talked again with him today

[00:19:14] He said that my aunt and cousin would like to speak with me and that they were concerned that I stopped communicating with them

[00:19:20] Especially since I moved away

[00:19:22] I explained to him that their behavior regarding my baby influenced me to do those things and pressed him on what they said

[00:19:28] He said that my cousin had talked with a church therapist and was looking into adoption to start a family because

[00:19:33] Her IVF treatments were likely not going to produce a child with her condition

[00:19:38] I emphasized to him that I was not giving up my baby and that my cousin had been thinking such

[00:19:43] He said that he understood that and started asking me for personal details on how I was doing now

[00:19:48] He was again trying to set up a meeting between us and my aunt slash cousin and referring us to services

[00:19:54] I told him I was not comfortable with that at the moment and he told me to at least call my cousin once

[00:19:59] He said he will meet with my aunt on sunday since I was too scared to do it on my own

[00:20:04] A call ended after that. I comment any update on what he says in the coming days under this post

[00:20:10] It is I'm not satisfied with his response and do not like that

[00:20:14] He's put in pressure on me was reconnecting with my aunt and cousin

[00:20:17] He says he understands my concerns, but I think he's being rather dismissive of them and trying to force us to

[00:20:22] resolve our issues

[00:20:24] My partner

[00:20:25] I thought it was worth a shot reaching out to him because he has influence and religious authority over my aunt and cousin

[00:20:31] I'll see what he says on the next phone call and see what I can do to make him care more

[00:20:36] Edit to make it clear. I didn't give him any personal information

[00:20:39] I have no plans for any in-person meeting with aunt and cousin

[00:20:43] We're in contact with legal help. We do not live in utah

[00:20:47] Then some more relevant comments

[00:20:49] OPE on the church leader not believing her and how he is helping her and her husband

[00:20:54] OPE says that may be why he's trying to refer us over the church counseling

[00:20:57] He says he will talk to my aunt and I will just play along and see what he slash they say after that

[00:21:03] After this, I'm not sure how helpful involving the state president will be

[00:21:07] And if I want to pursue that our church leadership has a reputation on focusing on what benefits them and often pivot to that

[00:21:14] Even if they initially sided with you and tried to help

[00:21:17] My aunt and cousin are rather wealthy so their tithe is probably worth enough for him to firmly fathom them

[00:21:24] Someone says a hundred percent a trap yikes

[00:21:27] Plus the way the church leader dismissed OPE as being too scared was extremely condescending and manipulative

[00:21:33] What a scummy way for him to behave. Fuck that guy

[00:21:37] OPE says that comment really upset me after I told him everything that was going on and my fears

[00:21:42] I'm not just too scared. I fear for the safety and well-being of my family

[00:21:46] I fear for the possible escalations my aunt and cousins expectations and actions and more

[00:21:51] These fears are real and are very valid given the circumstances. That really bothered me

[00:21:57] Someone says to OPE. Why are you even risking it?

[00:22:00] Who will get your address and then pass it on to your aunt?

[00:22:03] They may try to follow you back home after that meeting to know where you live

[00:22:06] Possibly find out other details too

[00:22:08] Like your hospital address from the church leader and they can get there with an exclusive checking on you and get your baby

[00:22:15] I've heard of real cases where they took newborn babies to another state from the hospital itself

[00:22:19] So it'd be harder for the police to track them down

[00:22:22] These don't associate with them any longer not the church and not your auntie and cousin either

[00:22:27] Don't risk your baby being kidnapped. You're the one who will suffer at the end

[00:22:32] And trust me the church won't be able to help you if things go wrong

[00:22:34] If it's possible move somewhere as far as you can for the sake of your baby safety

[00:22:39] OPE says we talked with him over the phone and have no plans right now for any in-person meetings

[00:22:44] And that was OPE's last update on the matter and all I can say is like

[00:22:48] You know, I don't know the ins and outs of how all this works, but all I can say is you know

[00:22:53] Just cut contact from these people. Don't keep going back to the religious guy. He sounds like he's untrustworthy

[00:22:58] The whole situation is absolutely

[00:23:02] terrifying at the same time

[00:23:04] All I can say is that you just need to keep away from them or cut contact completely

[00:23:09] Disappear from them. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:23:13] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:23:17] Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories

[00:23:20] You'll love your support your time always means the absolute world to me and hopefully I see you in the next one

[00:23:26] Take care. You're cheeky so and so

[00:23:29] Much love