I Slapped My Mother-In-Law When She Turned Up Saying Disgusting Things r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now, today's first story comes from IndividualSavings32 from the Am I the Arsehole Here subreddit. It says, Am I the Arsehole here for slapping my mother-in-law because she thinks I cheated.

[00:00:31] I read it. I made this throwaway because I need some help in knowing if I should apologize to my husband because yesterday I slapped my mother-in-law in front of him. For context, my husband is white and I am mixed. My mom is Puerto Rican and my dad is white. My mom has very dark skin and my dad is pretty fair. I'm pretty white passing, which for those who don't know, means you can't really tell that I'm Latina unless I tell you.

[00:00:58] A running family joke is that melanin skips a generation because my maternal grandpa is also very fair, but my maternal great-grandma is very brown. With that out of the way, I'll get into my situation.

[00:01:11] I've been with my husband for seven years, married for five. We have a three-year-old little girl who was the light of my life. When she was born, she had a head full of dark brown curls, dark brown eyes and a fairly olive complexion.

[00:01:24] She looks like me when I get a tan. You can definitely tell she's part Latino. Despite knowing all of this, my mother-in-law has gotten it into her head that my daughter isn't my husband.

[00:01:36] She's been telling anyone who will listen that I must have had an affair because there's no way her son's child could have that color. Yeah. How nice.

[00:01:46] My mother-in-law has always been standoffish with me. She's never made a big effort to get to know me and was always more polite than anything else.

[00:01:54] Mother-in-law has made some offhanded comments before about Latinos. Her husband would brush them off because she's from another time.

[00:02:02] I wanted to write off her behavior as just her not being educated enough.

[00:02:06] I realize now that was my mistake because it gave her the okay to keep going.

[00:02:12] When my husband and I heard from sister-in-law that mother-in-law was saying this, we invited her over to talk about this.

[00:02:18] I was really hoping we'd be able to fix this. However, what happened was my mother-in-law going on a rant for like 15 minutes.

[00:02:26] It consisted of her outing herself as a racist.

[00:02:30] Saying she knew girls like me couldn't control themselves.

[00:02:34] That she knew from the start what would happen.

[00:02:37] The nerve I had to pass my daughter off as her.

[00:02:41] Also some very colorful slurs.

[00:02:43] Husband and I were frozen in shock because she hadn't even stepped into the house and was just screeching on our doorstep.

[00:02:51] What snapped me out of it was when she started to insult my mom.

[00:02:54] Saying she probably did the same to my dad.

[00:02:57] I don't know what came over me next.

[00:02:59] I've never hit someone before but I ended up smacking her so hard her glasses fell off.

[00:03:04] That's what got my husband to start talking.

[00:03:07] Or rather yelling at his mother and me for acting this way.

[00:03:10] And mother-in-law started to wail.

[00:03:13] Yes, I shouldn't have hit her I know.

[00:03:15] That's wrong.

[00:03:15] But hearing him imply I was in the wrong.

[00:03:18] The same way mother-in-law was made me more angry.

[00:03:21] I told him he's just as much as a racist as his mom.

[00:03:24] If he was trying to make me out to be as bad as her.

[00:03:27] I got my keys from inside the house while he was trying to calm his mom down and left.

[00:03:32] I drove to a hotel and spent the night there.

[00:03:35] Now it's the afternoon and I haven't left the hotel room since checking in.

[00:03:39] My husband and several other friends and family have been trying to reach me.

[00:03:43] I only replied to my sister-in-law to tell her I'm safe at the hotel.

[00:03:46] And asked her not to tell my husband what hotel I'm at.

[00:03:49] Guilt is starting to sink in and I'm questioning everything.

[00:03:53] Like did I allow my mother-in-law to do this?

[00:03:56] Did I showcase behavior that made her think I was cheating?

[00:04:00] Does husband think I cheated and that's why mother-in-law has this in her head.

[00:04:04] And of course should I apologize to my husband for hitting mother-in-law?

[00:04:07] I know violence is wrong and I hate making excuses.

[00:04:11] But I couldn't handle someone talking about my family that way.

[00:04:15] The Redditors.

[00:04:16] Should I be apologizing to my husband?

[00:04:17] How do we get through this?

[00:04:19] Then any and all advice is appreciated.

[00:04:23] Edit.

[00:04:23] No, my daughter was not at the house.

[00:04:25] We sent her to have a weekend sleepover with my sister's family.

[00:04:29] I'll be picking her up tomorrow.

[00:04:30] Edit 2.

[00:04:31] I've posted an update that you can find on my page.

[00:04:34] Which we'll have a look at in just a moment.

[00:04:38] Now I'm usually of the opinion about not hitting people because it allows them,

[00:04:43] like in this situation, to play the victim.

[00:04:45] But if someone came on my doorstep, accusing me of cheating, calling me slurs, saying I'm

[00:04:51] not able to control myself, insulting my parents at the same time, I don't blame you for losing

[00:04:56] it.

[00:04:57] I simply don't.

[00:04:58] Of course, the only downside is that she does get to make herself to be the victim then,

[00:05:03] which is annoying.

[00:05:06] Constant Penn says, I'd be scared to raise my daughter with that family.

[00:05:10] I would do a paternity just to shed any ideas with the husband, but your marriage just took

[00:05:14] a hit.

[00:05:15] And if he doesn't step up, it'd be difficult to move on.

[00:05:19] Opie says, this is what I'm most afraid of.

[00:05:22] She's kind of a matriarch, so if we're to go no contact, it'd be the rest of the family

[00:05:27] too likely.

[00:05:28] However, I don't want my daughter in the range of an environment where she can be subjected

[00:05:32] to passing and direct comments.

[00:05:34] I don't want her to grow up thinking she's less because of her heritage.

[00:05:38] Harvey Snake said, you slapping your mother-in-law made your situation shitty.

[00:05:43] It was wrong and unfortunately, it allows her to deflect and play the victim card.

[00:05:47] You should have challenged her.

[00:05:49] You get the paternity test and if it comes back with your husband's baby, she must,

[00:05:53] one, pay you double the cost of the test.

[00:05:56] Two, call everyone in the family admitting that she's an ignorant racist and must apologize

[00:06:02] publicly in front of the family to you for a racism.

[00:06:05] Three, carry a sign through downtown saying, I'm an ignorant racist.

[00:06:10] Please shame me.

[00:06:12] Lefty Trash says, I know people on here tend to be quick on the violence never solves anything

[00:06:16] responses in these situations and they're right, it doesn't.

[00:06:20] But it's always been my vehement opinion that some people deserve a good smacking and your

[00:06:25] mother-in-law is definitely one of them, as are all racists, not the arsehole.

[00:06:31] Chase says, everyone here on the high horse can fuck right off.

[00:06:35] The only reason slapping her was wrong because she can play the victim.

[00:06:39] She called you and your mother a whore, spewed vile racist shit about your child.

[00:06:44] Get a paternity test and seriously rethink your marriage.

[00:06:46] When a white person marries a person of color, they have to have their back against racists.

[00:06:52] She has been saying fucked up shit for a long time.

[00:06:54] If your husband had manned up and shut her down, it would have never reached this level.

[00:06:59] Fuck her and protect your daughter.

[00:07:01] But the commenter says, eh, she deserved it.

[00:07:04] Someone should have taken her down a peg a long time ago.

[00:07:06] It's just too bad it had to be you because there will be consequences in your relationship.

[00:07:12] Your daughter deserves growing up feeling loved, not judged.

[00:07:15] If your husband can't create that environment for her, he's a shitty parent and deserves a divorce.

[00:07:20] Keep the focus on your daughter.

[00:07:22] Mother-in-law insulted his child.

[00:07:25] How dare he not stand up to that?

[00:07:27] Your relationship can be worked on once that hurdle is handled.

[00:07:31] OP came in with her update and said thank you to everyone who gave very insightful advice.

[00:07:35] I spent quite a bit reflecting and was able to get an emergency meeting with my therapist this morning.

[00:07:40] I only have my sister here as my parents moved back to Puerto Rico to be with my grandparents five years ago.

[00:07:47] Some questions I want to answer real quick.

[00:07:49] How old are we?

[00:07:51] My husband is 28 and I just celebrated my 30th birthday.

[00:07:55] We met when he was 21 and I was 23.

[00:07:59] Where was my daughter?

[00:08:00] I sent her to my sister's on Friday for a weekend sleepover with my sister's family.

[00:08:04] I picked her up on Monday afternoon and we had a little mummy daughter time going to her favorite place.

[00:08:10] Costco.

[00:08:12] Yes, my three-year-old loves Costco.

[00:08:14] Who doesn't?

[00:08:15] We got home around 7 after we had dinner.

[00:08:18] My husband was waiting and I told him we'd talk after kiddo went to bed.

[00:08:22] When she was for certain asleep, we sat and had a long conversation.

[00:08:26] Not just about the fight and his mother, but also race and culture.

[00:08:30] I saw how my family was treated based on skin color and while my husband understands racism,

[00:08:36] he admitted never really grasping the complexities, especially colorism.

[00:08:41] A lot of you jumped to me taking my daughter and leaving or telling me he'd leave.

[00:08:46] Sorry to disappoint, but no.

[00:08:48] We're not getting a divorce or anything of the sort.

[00:08:51] He apologized to me for not standing up for me more often and then acknowledging

[00:08:55] he didn't want to think of his mother in a racist light.

[00:08:59] I also apologized for hitting her because in the end, no, it doesn't help us.

[00:09:04] He did forgive me and said if it wasn't his mom saying it, he'd probably slap them too.

[00:09:09] Who will be going to a marriage counselor, we decided.

[00:09:12] Hoping to find one that specializes in interracial marriage.

[00:09:16] Our daughter is going to face challenges in the future because of her race.

[00:09:20] It's sad to say, but unfortunately racism is still alive and we want to know how to protect

[00:09:24] her and uplift her, so she does not feel ashamed of her heritage.

[00:09:29] We've made the decision to go no contact with her and any people who try to bridge communication

[00:09:34] between us and her.

[00:09:35] She will have no contact with my daughter unless it's years down the road and she shows

[00:09:40] significant changes in her behavior.

[00:09:42] My husband will be driving to her house tomorrow to inform her of our decision.

[00:09:46] I'd consider it a paternity test and DNA test, but only if mother-in-law pays.

[00:09:50] I don't want to entertain this on my own dime.

[00:09:53] We've also decided to not make any public posts regarding this.

[00:09:57] If people want to believe her story, that is on them, not us.

[00:10:01] My husband knows our baby is his.

[00:10:03] The irony is she looks more like him than me.

[00:10:07] Her curls are even from him.

[00:10:09] I do hope this is my last update.

[00:10:11] If anything else happens, I might come back.

[00:10:14] Thank you again to everyone who gave valuable advice.

[00:10:17] I said my daughter won't have a grandmother in the States, but more reason for us to plan

[00:10:21] trips to Puerto Rico.

[00:10:23] And for me, I felt that was like a pretty positive update.

[00:10:27] Two people talking through their issues, a bit of education going on there at the same

[00:10:32] time, getting a counselor that will be beneficial to both of them, cutting out the toxicity at

[00:10:38] the same time.

[00:10:39] I don't know.

[00:10:40] What do you guys reckon about that one?

[00:10:41] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:10:44] And let's move on to another story.

[00:10:48] Now, our next story is from Between Divorce from the Relationship Advice subreddit and

[00:10:53] says Friends Divorce is dividing husband, 37 male and I, 40 female.

[00:10:59] I am 40 female.

[00:11:01] My husband is 37 male.

[00:11:03] Names have been changed.

[00:11:05] This is long.

[00:11:06] Buckle up.

[00:11:07] My husband and I have been very happily married for 10 years.

[00:11:10] Minor bumps along the way, but nothing we couldn't communicate about and work through.

[00:11:15] Until now.

[00:11:16] My best friend Cindy and her husband Mike are going through a nasty divorce and it has caused

[00:11:21] a serious rift between my husband and I.

[00:11:24] I didn't realize how serious it was until this morning when he told me he was going to stay

[00:11:28] at his brother's house for the weekend.

[00:11:30] To understand the current situation, here is a bit of background I need to provide.

[00:11:35] Four years ago, my hubby's close friend Alan was caught having an affair on his wife.

[00:11:40] We call her Carol.

[00:11:42] I was good friends with Carol.

[00:11:44] Not super close, but we'd get together for cocktails a few times a month and occasionally

[00:11:49] we'd go on double dates.

[00:11:50] My husband told me that Alan had been unhappy for a while because Carol had stopped having

[00:11:55] sex with him.

[00:11:56] When I talked to Carol, she didn't deny this.

[00:11:58] She said that Alan had gained weight and she was no longer attracted to him.

[00:12:02] This is somewhat true.

[00:12:05] He was around 6 foot tall and went from about 200 pounds to 250 pounds over the course of

[00:12:11] a year.

[00:12:12] Those are estimates.

[00:12:14] Alan was a chef and started sleeping with a female co-worker 15 years younger than him.

[00:12:19] She was 35.

[00:12:21] She was 20.

[00:12:22] The affair lasted for some time before they were caught at work.

[00:12:25] It all came out.

[00:12:26] He was fired and Carol left him.

[00:12:30] Cheating hits very close to home for me.

[00:12:32] My father had an affair on my mother when I was young and it ripped the family apart.

[00:12:37] Carol and Alan had two young children and the divorce hit them hard.

[00:12:41] I was there for her and the kids threw it all.

[00:12:44] The divorce was ugly and costly.

[00:12:47] Suffice to say, it would take Alan years to financially recover.

[00:12:51] Throughout the whole ordeal, my husband still talked to Alan and would occasionally loan him

[00:12:55] money.

[00:12:56] The money isn't the issue as my husband and I both work and have our own accounts.

[00:13:01] The issue was that Alan had just cheated on his wife and ruined their family.

[00:13:06] I didn't want my husband remaining friends with him.

[00:13:09] Alan started drinking and going down a dark path.

[00:13:13] He was trying to drag my husband down with him.

[00:13:16] I told my husband if he continues his friendship with Alan, then we would have problems.

[00:13:21] After some back and forth and me basically putting my foot down, he agreed to basically

[00:13:25] cut Alan out.

[00:13:27] We didn't need influences or people like that in our life.

[00:13:30] I should mention that my husband says he didn't know about the affair, which I still question,

[00:13:35] but without proof, he knew I let it go.

[00:13:38] Alan was extremely upset when my husband told him they'd no longer be friends.

[00:13:42] They'd grown up together.

[00:13:44] But I didn't want men like that in our life.

[00:13:46] Shortly after all of this, we were reflecting on everything.

[00:13:49] My husband said something that I never forgot.

[00:13:52] He said,

[00:13:53] One day, one of your friends will do something they regret and need you.

[00:13:57] I hope you have the same wherewithal to cut them out if I ask you to.

[00:14:01] Cut to the present and you guessed it.

[00:14:03] My bestie Cindy cheated on her husband Mike.

[00:14:06] Mike worked in manufacturing and was laid off in the midst of COVID.

[00:14:10] He eventually went back to work, but at a much lower wage, according to her, and money

[00:14:15] was tight for them.

[00:14:17] Cindy picked up a job working as a barista.

[00:14:19] As she tells it, one of her regulars was a younger guy in real estate who has an eye

[00:14:24] for her and was constantly asking her to get together.

[00:14:27] He would slip her $100 tips a few times a week, she says.

[00:14:31] He knew she was married.

[00:14:33] Eventually, Cindy gave in and started seeing this guy regularly on her days off while Mike

[00:14:38] was working.

[00:14:39] She told me she always felt guilty and knew it was wrong but couldn't stop herself.

[00:14:44] She said the sex was like she'd never experienced with Mike and she felt wanted and desired

[00:14:49] again.

[00:14:49] They were caught when their oldest daughter came home early from school because she wasn't

[00:14:54] feeling well.

[00:14:55] Cindy was busy with her affair partner.

[00:14:57] She didn't see the text from her daughter and the daughter walked in on them.

[00:15:01] The daughter told Mike.

[00:15:03] Mike was devastated and they're getting a divorce.

[00:15:05] The family has basically ostracized Cindy and wants nothing to do with her currently.

[00:15:11] I and a few friends have been a support for everything.

[00:15:14] I need to say that I recognize what she did was terrible.

[00:15:17] However, my husband has pounced on this opportunity and is demanding I cut contact with her completely.

[00:15:23] Just like I did with him four years ago.

[00:15:25] He says we don't need cheating cradle robbers in our lives.

[00:15:30] I explain that this is different and the issues between Mike and Cindy are more complicated

[00:15:35] and she feels genuine remorse and wants her family back.

[00:15:38] Also, what his friend did years ago was creepy.

[00:15:41] He says he doesn't care about the issues or how she feels and that he made a sacrifice for

[00:15:46] me years ago by cutting out one of his closest friends and I need to do the same for him.

[00:15:51] I told him I wasn't going to do that and that he was being petty and vengeful and he knows

[00:15:57] the situations are completely different.

[00:15:59] This morning he said he's heading to his brother's for the weekend.

[00:16:02] He said he feels betrayed.

[00:16:04] I honestly don't see how he feels this way.

[00:16:07] I didn't know what to do.

[00:16:08] I asked him not to go.

[00:16:10] I told him I loved him and we can talk this out.

[00:16:12] He responded with I'll see you Monday.

[00:16:15] I'm at a loss.

[00:16:17] Nope, I don't think your situations are any different and if you're going to throw those

[00:16:21] kind of ultimatums around you can't go and be hypocritical about them at the same time.

[00:16:27] Oops.

[00:16:27] Josie Badcat says how in your mind are the situations different?

[00:16:32] From my viewpoint, on this side of the keyboard, your husband has a valid point.

[00:16:38] Devor Shovel says it's not a friend that's hurt this time.

[00:16:42] Monty Lucas says explain to me how Cindy fucking someone else behind Mike's back and their daughter

[00:16:48] catching them in the act in their home is so different from what happened between Carol

[00:16:52] and Alan.

[00:16:53] But the commenter says because she is sorry and she wants to fight for her family.

[00:16:58] AKA she wants to face no repercussions for her actions and won't accept others' decisions

[00:17:02] to cut her out due to her hurtful actions.

[00:17:05] Yo-Yo says,

[00:17:06] I doubt you're going to hear this based on the tone of your post.

[00:17:10] But I will try.

[00:17:11] You really got caught in your own trap here.

[00:17:13] You were judgmental towards one person and now you're being forgiving and understanding

[00:17:18] of another.

[00:17:19] The lesson here is not that the situation is different.

[00:17:23] The lesson here is to stop being so judgmental and controlling.

[00:17:26] Your husband should be allowed to have any friend he wants and so should you.

[00:17:30] If it is affecting his behavior then that is an issue, not the friend.

[00:17:34] I would suggest you grab some therapy and work on yourself.

[00:17:37] Your husband should have been pissed at you when you demanded he cut a friend in need off.

[00:17:42] But he certainly has every right to be super pissed because not only are you controlling

[00:17:46] and judgmental but now you're also a hypocrite.

[00:17:50] And another user says,

[00:17:52] LOL, pot, meat, kettle.

[00:17:55] Wow, this is hypocrisy at its finest.

[00:17:58] Hopefully you can see that.

[00:18:00] So Opie came back in to update the post and starts off by saying,

[00:18:05] I believe the situations were different because my friend is genuinely remorseful.

[00:18:10] She wants to reconcile.

[00:18:12] Alan did not.

[00:18:13] He acted as if he didn't care and showed little to no remorse.

[00:18:16] He regretted what he did but not because he betrayed his wife but because of its effect

[00:18:21] on his children and his relationship with them.

[00:18:24] This really didn't sit well with me.

[00:18:26] Alan started partying with a younger crowd from his work, doing drugs, not weed, drinking

[00:18:32] heavy and just overall regressing as an adult.

[00:18:35] I didn't want him dragging my husband into it.

[00:18:38] It's really hard to accept that someone you consider your best friend could do something

[00:18:42] so vile.

[00:18:43] I tried to tune out the detail about her daughter catching them because it's so sad and heartbreaking.

[00:18:48] I've always thought that she was such a good mother and modeled wife.

[00:18:52] I looked up to her even.

[00:18:53] What does that say about my judgment of character?

[00:18:56] Now that I've accepted what I have to do and I feel consumed with guilt, the thought

[00:19:01] of cutting Cindy out of my life hurts.

[00:19:03] We've been through a lot.

[00:19:04] Our families have vacationed together.

[00:19:06] I confided in her and vice versa.

[00:19:09] It's scary to imagine just telling her, sorry but we're done.

[00:19:12] And knowing that's exactly what I made my husband do and realizing how he must have felt.

[00:19:17] It feels really shitty.

[00:19:19] He doesn't show a ton of emotion.

[00:19:21] He's very much a man's man.

[00:19:24] Had he told me he was feeling this way, I wouldn't have made him do it.

[00:19:28] I regret it a lot.

[00:19:30] The responses are overwhelming.

[00:19:32] It's only been hours and strangers are telling me I'm a horrible person and my husband should

[00:19:36] divorce me.

[00:19:37] I feel sick.

[00:19:38] I texted him a novel minutes ago telling him how sorry I was, that I feel guilty, I feel

[00:19:42] stupid.

[00:19:43] I'm sorry about what I made him do years ago.

[00:19:45] And now I know how he felt.

[00:19:47] I told him I will cut out Cindy if that's what he really wants.

[00:19:51] I told him to reconnect with Alan.

[00:19:53] I asked him to come home and talk to me before heading to his brother's.

[00:19:57] I'm waiting for him to respond.

[00:19:59] He's too good to me.

[00:20:00] He'll probably forgive me, tell me I don't have to cut Cindy out and I'll feel even worse.

[00:20:06] I'm not looking for sympathy.

[00:20:07] I just feel like absolute shit right now.

[00:20:10] Thanks for the slap of reality.

[00:20:12] I may be being super harsh towards the end here but it did feel quite manipulative.

[00:20:17] I'm not sure if you felt that way when it said I told him I will cut Cindy out if that's

[00:20:22] what he really wants.

[00:20:24] But Ganon Balls says to OP, while I don't think what you did is good at all, I think the

[00:20:29] people telling you that your relationship can't recover from this are overreacting a bit.

[00:20:34] Talk it out with your husband and realize that you've been hypocritical.

[00:20:37] That's the best advice I got.

[00:20:39] OP says yeah, I pretty much accepted that I need to beg for his forgiveness and right

[00:20:44] the wrong I did to him years ago however I can.

[00:20:46] I deserve the stoning I'm getting.

[00:20:48] I accept that now.

[00:20:50] But my husband and I's marriage isn't going to end over this.

[00:20:53] You'd probably laugh at the thought of that honestly.

[00:20:55] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:20:59] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:21:02] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:05] Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:21:10] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:21:14] So thank you so so much for being involved and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:21:18] Take care.

[00:21:19] Much love.