I Said No To My Son's Tinder Date And Step-Daughters Party - Now They're All Against Me | Reddit

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider in the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story comes from OKLeadership8776 from the Am I The Arsehole subreddit. And it says, Am I The Arsehole for not allowing my teenage stepdaughter to host a party at my house while I'm away? It says, My 24 year old biological son moved back in with my spouse and me this summer to get his life back on track. This is meant to be temporary. I've been clear by the end of January he needs a documented plan.

[00:00:49] [SPEAKER_00] School, a trade, etc. And I've even set aside 10k to help cover trade school if needed. He's made some progress, including paying off about $5,000 in debt by working multiple jobs. Yesterday my son told me, not asked, that he planned to bring a woman he just met on Tinder to stay at our house for two nights.

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_00] We live about 100 miles from the city. My spouse was immediately uncomfortable with having a stranger stay in our home. I also had concerns because my son privately told me she's a recovering drug addict and alcoholic and has had legal issues and is only 22. I told him that if he were actually dating someone and we'd met her first, that would be different. But bringing home a complete stranger to stay for two nights wouldn't something we were comfortable with.

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_00] This led to a broader argument. While discussing boundaries around strangers in the house, I told my spouse that I'm not comfortable with my 17 year old stepdaughter hosting a New Year's Eve party at our house while we'll be a 20 hour drive away. My spouse had already told her that she could have the party, despite my objections. Last year my stepdaughter hosted a Halloween party while we were home to supervise and several random 20 something adults showed up after hearing about it.

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_00] I had to ask them to leave and I don't know how many more would have come if we hadn't been there. So I said that if we were saying no to strangers staying over for my son, the same rule applies to parties for my stepdaughter. No party while we were away. That caused a major fight. And now my son, spouse and stepdaughter are all angry with me. I feel like I'm expected to help everyone, but not allowed to set boundaries in my own home.

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_00] We also have valuable and sentimental items in the house and I don't want to risk damage or worse while we are gone. Am I the arsehole for saying no to strangers over parties happening when we aren't home? Commoner says to OP, is your son paying rent? If so, you're the arsehole. If he pays rent, he gets to invite whoever he wants over. Maybe disrespectful to go against your wishes, but rent trumps respect.

[00:03:00] [SPEAKER_00] Ask for your stepdaughter unless there's an adult present completely reasonable to have no parties. Edit, with new information, not the arsehole at all. And thanks for treating both kids the same and not playing favorites. OP replied saying no, we don't charge him any rent. I paid off his debt in the past, but not this time. I told him he can stay rent free to pay off his debt, which he has. And until he gets a plan in place to help him move forward successfully with his life and save money to help him next year.

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_00] He also gets free use of the second car. He pays the gas and contributes towards the increase in insurance while he is here. I have to admit, that comment did make me chuckle. I sort of pictured my younger self saying it to my parents like, Mum, I pay rent here, so my Tinder date is going to be coming around to stay for a few days. I'm sure my parents would have laughed their arses off at me.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_00] Another commenter says not the arsehole, but why did it take having to say no to your son to decide your stepdaughter couldn't have a party? Why wasn't that addressed immediately? There are bigger issues at play in your marriage, clearly, because you're not able to get on the same page. OP says I actually already had said no, especially as we will be away. But they choose to ignore my wishes and never listened. Everyone thinks I'm a doormat. My ex made the same mistake until it was too late.

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_00] Being a nice person is not the same as being a doormat. But that's the way it seems these days. I'm accommodating until I am not. Commenter says, Not the arsehole. I bet you cover the majority of expenses. Best to go ahead and tell them to all get the fuck out if they don't like it. I hope he says lol. Yeah, that's actually 100% true. Behind the scenes, I've been paying the majority of things without any fanfare. I just knuckle down and deal with things behind the scenes.

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_00] Now my income has taken a hit this year. Sales job. I need to help pay the bills without getting into debt. But I feel that is not being received as well as I hoped. Commenter says, Not the arsehole. Mostly. The only thing I can think of is that you're making the same rules for both. There are reasons in both cases to say no. But you linking them saying, I said no to my son having strangers so I'm saying no to your daughter, isn't a link you want to make.

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_00] If there was a different situation where you did say yes to your son having a stranger over, a friend down on his luck and needing a place to stay for a night, and now you're asking for a fight with your spouse. I thought we weren't allowing strangers over. The son's case is a stranger, two nights, and she's maybe got some reasons why you don't necessarily want to welcome her in the house. Your daughter's case, it's not just strangers. It's strangers, while you're not home, most certainly involving alcohol, she's been proven not trustworthy before,

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_00] couldn't stop a party from getting out of hand, and there's a legal liability on your end if someone gets hurt. Is your husband not aware of the risk? That's crazy. Opie says, I've explained that to my wife last time. We had three adults, including myself, to supervise. Halloween 2024. I said last time, no more parties, house parties, I'm completely uncomfortable with. My stepdaughter thinks she is able to control everything. I know that obviously is not true. But teens.

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_00] Commodore says, quoting my 17-year-old stepdaughter, hosting a New Year's Eve party at our house, while we'll be 20 hours drive away, and then says, I can guarantee that some items will be stolen, more items will be damaged, plenty of strangers will come, and that's if you're lucky, and it's a great party with kids who can control themselves. Sometimes, also, we'll have sex in your bed. If you're unlucky, then someone will be assaulted, or someone will drink too much and need medical attention, or someone will bring who knows which drugs,

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_00] also possibly resulting in need for hospitalization, or they will damage more than a few glasses and pillows. Why is your partner agreeing with this? Commodore replies saying, someone will throw up behind the couch, and the police will be called, and the next day you'll be fielding calls from angry parents and neighbors. Opie replies saying, ironically, the neighbor's kids did this about eight years ago, destroyed his house, and one girl had a psychotic episode, and an ambulance had to be called. That knowledge lives with me to this day.

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_00] Opie then gives an example of the last time his stepdaughter had a small party, and then said it was supposed to be last time. She said 20, but the day of admitted she invited 40 to 50. Then more strangers showed up. The 20-somethings, etc. Cars parked all over the dangerous road outside. Holy moly, I swear. Although, you know, I tell you about my childhood and the wild stuff that happened there, I swear my teen years were pretty tame, because I never saw anything like this before

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_00] when I was growing up, and it just reminds me of an US movie, as I said, I think American Pie was one of them, wasn't it? Where they have these big parties and just randoms turn up and trash the place, people drinking from kegs, and all this kind of thing. But Opie did come in with an update and said, My son apologized to myself and my partner for not communicating ahead and agreeing he was thinking with his other head. He has been a little depressed lately, as who wants to move home with their parents at 24?

[00:08:10] [SPEAKER_00] He agreed he should have 100% asked ahead, and it's probably a little weird to bring a Tinder date home he only just met once. He let his loneliness get the better of his judgment. He's extremely thankful for the help he has gotten this year to get back on his feet, and I think the talk we had has given him some much-needed positivity, that things are not as bad as he feels. With a 17-year-old, we have come to a compromise. Her mom will travel on her own to deal with the out-of-town issue

[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_00] that we had to deal with. I will stay home alone. She is allowed to have her friends over, but is limited to an agreed in advance guest list. No more than 20 kids or so. All local, and all from a year in high school. Anyone else shows up, I show them the door. So more a Christmas-class gathering than a house party. It'll be closed and limited. No drugs, etc. And no more than four cars in my driveway. I will stay in the other side of the house. It's big enough that it works.

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_00] I apologize for not being more calm in my initial response, and my partner for not thinking it through. And also being too hard on my son initially. All in, things like this sometimes become a valuable learning lesson, and a way for people to be more open about what is going on in their heads, and getting it out so we can all address the issues and help each other. It's hard for everyone right now, especially the young out from college looking for their start in life. Thanks to everyone on this thread for their input,

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_00] your feedback has been invaluable. And it seems like everything worked out well in the end, but what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below, and let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from a throwaway account from the Relationship Advice subreddit, and it says, My girlfriend is a Karen towards retail workers and waitstaff,

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_00] and it's really hurting our relationship. I'm 28 male, she's 28 female. First of all, I wish there was a better way to express the title. I know some people take issue with the Karen meme, but this was the easiest way to succinctly summarize the issue. My girlfriend and I have been together for two years. She's great, friendly, considerate, funny, smart, and our sex life is great. I can think of no major issues in our relationship, except for one.

[00:10:34] [SPEAKER_00] Whenever there is the smallest hiccup while we are shopping, eating out or on the phone with a customer service rep, my girlfriend snaps through this bizarre Jekyll and Hyde transformation, and becomes a complete, ruthless, unrelenting Karen. Sometimes, there doesn't even need to be a hiccup. She just escalates out of nowhere, and it happens without fail. This has happened many times, but I will provide two brief examples. The first, she needed to return an item that was defective,

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_00] so we went to the customer service desk. She didn't have a receipt, so the money would have to come back on a store gift card. No big deal for me, but for her, it may as well have been a scandalous assault on her rights as a consumer. She insisted, in a rude and condescending tone of voice, that she would not accept the store credit. It needed to be cash, plus $5 for pain and suffering. I stood there speechless as she screamed at the customer service manager,

[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_00] said she would call corporate and have them all fired, etc. Finally, she was asked to leave, and loss prevention came to escort us out. I had to physically pull her along to get her out before it became a police issue. Second example, we went out to eat at a restaurant. She liked her burger well done. There was a trace of pink in the middle. No biggie, just send it back, right? Not for her. She rebutted the waitress, she rebutted the waitress's offer to get her a new burger, said she was not going to wait

[00:12:00] [SPEAKER_00] and wanted her whole meal comped. This led to the manager coming out who offered to comp her half of the meal. She became incensed and started screaming again. When the manager refused to comp the whole meal, she flew from her seat, swept a stack of napkins off the table and declared she was never eating at this establishment again. I followed her out, still hungry, in stunned silence. I became even more stunned when she angrily connived in the car to claim that she had found an insect in her food

[00:12:29] [SPEAKER_00] and doxxed the manager on social media. I literally do not recognize this vile woman. In literally every other situation in life, even stressful ones, she's perfectly ordinary. But as soon as she expects a service and does not get absolute perfection, she acts as though she's been confronted with a cosmic injustice. I'm disgusted by the way she talks to service workers. She acts like they are worthless pieces of shit. We've talked about it, of course.

[00:12:58] [SPEAKER_00] I've noticed she immediately turns to me and begins to rationalize her escalations. That was ridiculous, right? How can a business treat their customers like that? Do you think I was too harsh? And I've always responded the same way. I would not have reacted like that because I didn't think it was a big deal. I've never gone farther than that because I had a bad feeling about the outcome if I did. I've had so much anxiety about taking her out to eat and I've avoided doing so specifically because of her outrageous behavior. COVID has been a lifesaver in this regard,

[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_00] but I can't keep dodging these situations and restricting my life because of my girlfriend's behavior. Frankly, this has even started to hurt our sex life. I'm not as attracted to her as I once was, specifically because I'm horrified and embarrassed by her public meltdowns. And I do not understand how one specific situation can be so triggering for an otherwise normal person. It seems like as soon as we walk into a store or restaurant, she's already decided that the staff is her enemy. Just today, she yelled at a poor core center worker

[00:13:57] [SPEAKER_00] because one of our packages was late. I'm at a loss as to how I approach this. Again, it's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I feel like I would be talking about a whole different person if I brought this up while she was in a normal state. But I know I have to address it somehow. We've discussed getting engaged in the future and this issue is affecting other areas of our relationship. How do I approach this? For me, I'd be done in that situation. I wouldn't be able to see that person the same way again.

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_00] She's showing you exactly who she is. Someone who's getting off on abusing people who can't fight back without losing their jobs. And she was even plotting to dox a manager because she wasn't getting what she wanted. And let's face it, she's not losing control in this situation. She's in complete control because it doesn't come out anywhere else at this moment in time. It may do in the future, but it's not right now. But a commenter says to OP, if you want to know who someone is, watch how they treat those in service positions. Your girlfriend is great,

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_00] friendly, funny, etc. to you because she considers you her equal. How she treats those other people, that is the core of who she is. And deep down, you already know that. It's why you haven't addressed it with her. Because you know she will turn on you and you will be on the receiving end of a shitty treatment. Snoo Muffin says in quotes, I've never gone farther than that because I have a bad feeling about the outcome if I did. And then says, don't date someone you're afraid of. It's really that simple.

[00:15:25] [SPEAKER_00] She's not great and friendly. She's a shitty person. You know how I know. Because great friendly people don't act this way ever. So you're dating an asshole. And you're just lucky that so far only service workers have set her off, not you. But you know it could be you, which is why you're afraid to confront her about it. So like I say, don't date someone you're afraid of. Three options. Confront her and hopefully resolve it. Confront her and get dumped slash back down and cower.

[00:15:55] [SPEAKER_00] Or don't ever mention it. Hope she never turns on you and hate public interactions with her forever. Up to you. So it was about a week later that OP did come back in to update the post. And then says, well, I took everyone's advice. I sat my girlfriend down and had a frank discussion. I suspected I would, but it's nice to get some independent input. It wasn't too dramatic. I laid out a few examples of my girlfriend's previous behavior to her. Told her it made me feel less attracted to her.

[00:16:25] [SPEAKER_00] Told her I was avoiding restaurants because of her. And explained that I couldn't see myself marrying a woman who behaved like this. She got defensive at first. Then she cried. We talked for a little bit about her upbringing. She grew up with a very stern, controlling mother. She agreed to go to counseling to work on this. She also promised to remain silent when she was angry at staff and let me do all the talking in the meantime. So that's really it for now. It seems that she is finally owning her behavior

[00:16:53] [SPEAKER_00] and is willing to work on it. Thank you to the Redditors who offered validation and advice. To the Redditors who told me my girlfriend is an awful bitch and I should break up immediately. I'm not sure what you think you are adding to the discussion but it doesn't strike me as a healthy way to maintain a long-term relationship. I hope everyone has a good day. And a lot of people pointing out on this one that this is definitely not over. Some people giving it percentages of the chances of success after this

[00:17:23] [SPEAKER_00] while other people saying you know at least she's owning up to her mistakes. People questioning is she, isn't she, etc. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from Shush Movie from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit and says Am I the Arsehole for refusing to finish watching a movie after my sister's boyfriend shushed me? And just to give you a heads up this story started

[00:17:52] [SPEAKER_00] in May 2020 so it sounds like it was around the peak of COVID time so I think there's references to it within the story. My sister's boyfriend Derek has been staying at our house since March. It's honestly been one of the worst things about never being able to leave the house. I didn't even meet him before my parents allowed him to stay with us. They met him when they visited her at college. He's really fucking grating. Always thinks he's the smartest person in the room and is honestly just annoying as fuck.

[00:18:22] [SPEAKER_00] He's not polite. Never offers to do any chores or dishes or anything. Just a complete loser. I don't get what my sister sees in him. Usually when I would watch something with my mum and dad we would all kind of make comments about what was happening or whatever but early on during his stay Derek said this was too distracting and he needed to focus. I vented a little to my mum about Derek including his need for dead silence when watching TV and she said that she understood that it was frustrating but that we needed

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_00] to make him comfortable as a guest. I was good at this until last night. We were watching Molly's Game and I was enjoying it. Maybe an hour in during a transition from one scene to another I asked my dad to pause it so I could go to the bathroom and immediately after Derek looks at me puts his finger over his mouth and literally loudly shushes me like I'm a two year old but just asking to pause the movie. I got beyond pissed off and was like fuck this I'm not watching the movie with him I just fucking

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_00] can't do it. Maybe it wasn't exactly that I don't remember because I was so angry but it was something like that. I didn't personally insult him though. My mum calls me after but I just go to the bathroom and then my room. My sister texted me that I was behaving like a fucking bitch and I texted her back that her boyfriend was a fucking tool. My mum came into my room later and said that she understood why I felt the way I felt but that I need

[00:19:49] [SPEAKER_00] to apologise to Derek. I said I wouldn't because I don't think I did anything wrong. Anyway now I'm in bed and dreading facing them so I probably won't leave my room all day but I need to know if I'm the arsehole here. Commodore says to OP not the arsehole ages are missing but you have a right to your views. OP said I didn't know I had to include ages sorry I'm 16 and my sister and her boyfriend are both 20. Lifetime movie watcher says not the arsehole so let me get this straight

[00:20:18] [SPEAKER_00] he gets free room and board doesn't lift a finger to help is a know it all arrogant type and tells you to shut up in your home and you're supposed to do what he wants and apologise when he's the arsehole to you. OP replies saying exactly and I really don't understand why my mum is taking his side when I know for a fact she finds him just as annoying as I do. Commodore replies saying you should apologise Derek I'm sorry you think you have a right to shush me in my own home I'm sorry that you were never taught the manners to treat others with basic respect

[00:20:47] [SPEAKER_00] I'm sorry you were never taught to contribute and are doomed to a life of being a drain on others Commodore says not the arsehole so many people don't seem to understand that respect is a two way street not to mention when you're living for free in someone else's home if you're not actually going to be a decent enough person to help around the house the least you can do is step on as little toes as possible I'm not sure I'm not sure why he's living with you to begin with if living at his own place is a possibility a pandemic isn't the time to find out whether these

[00:21:17] [SPEAKER_00] sort of living dynamics work if it's avoidable Opie says when their college closed my sister refused to come home without him so my mum let her bring him I wanted her home at the time too so I was okay with it but obviously I didn't know how fucking terrible it would be this situation isn't going to end until he leaves because there is no way I'll ever apologise to anyone Ivan itchy bum says how about you just suck it up for your mother's sake Ivan was downvoted by the way Opie says I sucked it up for two months

[00:21:47] [SPEAKER_00] and I'm done his mum isn't an essential worker so it's not like they would be going to some place that's not safe if they're careful during the stops on the drive they'd be fine but I'm pretty positive my sister's threats are just threats they're either way I'm not apologising so Opie came in with three small updates the first one said I didn't apologise and things got worse a couple of hours ago I went to get breakfast and saw Derek in the hallway

[00:22:17] [SPEAKER_00] I kinda glared at him and he went back into my sister's room my sister then came out and started yelling at me about how I'm making him uncomfortable I basically told him everything I said here about him being lazy and rude my mum and dad heard us yelling and came down and my sister threatened that she and him would leave to go to his mum's house which is a long drive away I told her to leave and my mum started crying my dad told us to both shut the fuck up and now I'm in my room great morning so far I hope

[00:22:47] [SPEAKER_00] she fucking leaves update 2 thanks for all the comments I appreciate the majority of people saying I'm not the arse all my sister told my mum who told me I know very mature that if I don't apologize they'll leave this weekend my mum practically begged me to apologize and my dad told me if I didn't apologize I would be in big trouble but I'm not threatened by that at all because what the fuck is he going to do ground me lol I'm never going to apologize I'm so mad at my parents for falling for my sister's

[00:23:16] [SPEAKER_00] obvious manipulative bullshit if she wants to leave she should just fucking do it instead of just threatening to are you really not going to apologize and I said that I had nothing to be sorry for and that obviously it was her choice whether to leave or stay she said that Derek

[00:23:46] [SPEAKER_00] didn't want to walk on eggshells around me and I said that was what I was doing for two months so I didn't have much sympathy she was pissed at that my mom and dad both tried to guilt me into apologizing my

[00:24:35] [SPEAKER_00] dad stood your ground and you were right to say you would talk things out with Derek only as he was the source of the tension stay strong commoner says not the arsehole jeez what a garbage family your parents are especially the arsehole for showing partial treatment towards your sister seriously your dad telling you to just shut the fuck up and your mum crying and begging you to apologize to appease your sister and a punk boyfriend wow what great parenting skills they have especially since your sister hooked up with this guy

[00:25:05] [SPEAKER_00] I tell you that sooner or later you could move out as what are the parents doing in this situation absolutely wild but let us know your thoughts down in the comments

[00:25:35] [SPEAKER_00] below now just a