I'm REFUSING To Invite My Mom To The Wedding Due To The Past | r/OhNoConsequences

[00:00:01] [SPEAKER_01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_01] Now today we're going to be looking at the OhNoConsequences subreddit where people are surprised by the consequences of their own actions. And we're starting with a story from a throwaway account. Saying, am I the arsehole if I, 28 male, told my mom, 49 female, I wasn't sure about inviting her and a new family to the wedding due to the past. My dad passed away when I was five years old. It shouldn't come as a surprise that I was really close with my mother after him passed away.

[00:00:49] [SPEAKER_01] We were each other's close friend. My mom rarely went on dates, even though I asked her to. So it was just me and her. After high school, I was working at my security job while living at home. One day I come home to my mom being involved with a guy. Let's call him Jack. That seemed to be around my age. I officially met him a week later. He was revealed to be 22. I was 21 at the time. And apparently him and my mom were in a year long relationship already. They were in the same time.

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_01] same MBA program. My mom and I were just practically roommates after that. She seemed too distant for the past year, which seemed to make sense why, but our relationship even further deteriorated. I'll admit, I was overly reliant on my mother emotionally and financially, but both of them seemed to treat me like a hindrance that they needed to overcome.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_01] My mom would barely make any time with me, even though I lived with her. Jack seemed to look down on me due to my profession and the fact that I was living with my mom. The wedding happened a year later. I only went out of respect for my mom, even though Jack and his loved ones treated me like a pariah. I moved out a month after their honeymoon. I rented a room with my mom, helping with expenses here and there. My, and I assume it's mom, got pregnant at 44 years old with twins.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_01] I tried as often as I could, but Jack watched me like a hawk. I overheard them talking about doing things right this time. I wanted to talk about how I feel about Jack with my mother. It was a bad idea because she dismissed how I felt and said she would always side with him due to him being her husband. After that argument, we didn't talk for about five weeks. I got a call about how she misses me and hoped I would get over it. I decided to distance myself from my mom and improve my life.

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_01] This time, my mother was the one calling once a week to talk to me. I was short but cordial. I rarely called but only on occasions. I eventually went back to school and got a degree in computer science. I landed a nice well-paying job two years ago. A week ago, I proposed to my fiance. My mother asked if she could come visit us with her family. I said yes. She seemed super excited for me and asked me about when and where is the wedding. I told her it's in Hawaii.

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_01] She joked about never going to a wedding before with tiki's. I decided to be up front with her but I wasn't sure if I'm going to invite her and her family. She was in shock and asked why. I told her it would be a happy day for me and I don't want her and her family to come as I have issues with them and they would be a constant reminder of that. She said okay and then sobbed in a way they have never seen before. Jack found her crying and got out of there with the kids.

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_01] A couple of days later, I've got a couple of relatives calling me an ungrateful son who doesn't care about his mother. Am I the asshole? Ouch. Ouch. Your mom pretty much just emotionally abandoned you when you needed her the most. Sure, I know people would say, you know, he's 21 but that's a young adult who's probably trying to find their feet. And the sudden distance, the comment about doing things right this time. Ouch. Then telling you she'd always side with her husband over you.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_01] Come on now. But for OP, they've clearly distanced themselves, they've improved their life, got a degree and seems to have landed a good job. But they're thriving. And as the subreddit says, she's just facing the consequences of her choices now. That she might miss one of the biggest moments in OP's life. And quite frankly, you're not obligated to invite anyone to your wedding who's going to make you unhappy. That's yours and your partner's day.

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_01] And you want to protect that as much as you can. But a commenter says to OP, I fail to see how any of this is a surprise to your mother or an arse hat of a son's bund. When they were discussing within earshot of you about getting it right this time. Implying that she got it wrong with you. Not the arsehole. Not as Synth says, not the arsehole at all. A wedding is a time to celebrate you and your partner's life with whoever you want there. If you want your mom there, invite her without any option for a plus one.

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_01] And she can choose to come or not. If you don't want her there, don't extend an invitation. You have a very justifiable reason for not wanting her or a new husband there. Not that I'm of the opinion you even need any reason. You don't need people like that dragging you down on a joyous occasion. As long as you're okay with a potential fallout. She might stop talking to you entirely for a long time. Then it's completely fine.

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_01] And if you're not okay with that as a potential outcome, again, extend an invite to her and her alone as a compromise. If she turns up her nose, that's her problem. You tried. Congrats on the engagement. Wishing you a wonderful wedding. Disney addict says, not the arsehole, but your mother and her no good toxic husband are. Don't let them take advantage of you. With the way they acted and treated you before, they may have an ulterior motive. Let your mom know you went to school and have a better paying job now.

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_01] They may want a free vacation and eventually money from you. Protect yourself and your fiance. Hopefully I'm wrong about that, but either way, your wedding is about you and your future wife. You should only have people there who love and support you. Congratulations and wishing you all the best. 30 Ninja says, not the arsehole. She never cried when she said she would choose her sonsband over you. She never cried when his family treated you like shit at her wedding.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_01] Let her cry for the consequences of her own actions and allowing his and his family's complete disrespect. Tell her you will choose your own future wife and happiness over her any day. Just like she taught you. And one more commenter says, not the arsehole. Frankly, I think your mother is a really disgusting person to be getting with someone who is only a year older than you. You sound like you're describing a very emotionally incestuous between yourself and your mother, even before her husband came into the picture.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_01] I really don't think it's a coincidence that your mother got with someone who is nearly exactly your age. I wouldn't be able to look at my mother in the face again if she got with someone my age. All I would be able to think about is if she had weird thoughts about me and was trying to use a patsy as a replacement for any weird fantasy she might have. Sorry if this sounds insanely harsh. I just really feel for your situation and hope you can figure it out. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_01] Let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from AmITheArseholeStepsonProb who says, AmITheArseholeForCancellingMyStepson'sBirthdayBecauseHeFacepalmedMe. And there is an update to this one as well. I married my husband two years ago and my relationship with my stepson, 12, has never been well. We tried everything but nothing seems to work. His behavior towards me is so terrible.

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_01] He shouts at me, swears at me and calls me worst mother ever. His 13th birthday is tomorrow. And since my daughter, 7 female, birthday is only 10 days apart, we usually celebrate them both in the same day. They are fine with it. I ask my stepson who he has invited and that's when he facepalms, gesture, and tells me that he's already answered this question before in the worst tone ever. This is where I lost it and told him that because of his attitude,

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_01] I'm going to cancel his birthday tomorrow. At first, he didn't believe me, since it's not the first time I intended to punish him without actually doing it in the end. But this time, I was serious. And to prove it to him, I called his grandparents and told him his birthday got cancelled. He started crying, begging me not to cancel, but I told him it's too late. I got berated by his grandparents because of this and told me that I don't have the rights to cancel his birthday.

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_01] As his mother, I'm pretty sure I can do what I want though, but they weren't listening to me. They even told me that tomorrow they're coming to his birthday with gifts, even after I told them not to bother because I won't open the door. Am I the arsehole here? And then someone gave Opie a facepalm award, and they said, edit, facepalm award? Really? So, as you know, we're in the consequences subreddit,

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_01] and Opie was overwhelmingly voted you're the arsehole in this situation. Someone said to Opie, I'm being a jerk to a child. Am I the arsehole? And then says, you're the arsehole. Opie replied saying, this is not my intention at all. I just want him to start respecting me. The pink prioress says, how long have you been in his life? Where is his father? Where is his biological mother? Does he see you as a mom? Because it seems he doesn't. But he should respect you as a parental figure.

[00:09:38] [SPEAKER_01] You've played soft with him all this time, but most importantly, where is the boy's father? He should be disciplining the child. Opie responded saying, quoting how long you've been in his life, and Opie said, I've been in his life for three years, although the first year I wasn't spending so much time with him. Quoting where is the father and says he's a doctor, had to go to another city for a month. Quoting where is the biological mother and says she's mentally unstable and did not see her child for almost a year now. Quoting again, does he see you as a mom?

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_01] And then says by the way he's acting, no, unfortunately, he does not. Opie also said, I'm really hurt from what you just said. You know nothing about me. His father is away most of the time, and I'm the one taking care of him. I spend more time with his son than both his father and biological mother combined. Yet you dare tell me that I'm a pathetic excuse of a mother. Shame on you. Edit, the fact that people are agreeing with what you just said is honestly so sad.

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_01] You guys really think you know all of our life story based on this post I made. You are free to judge me as I have made this post for that, but stop assuming things you don't know. Another commenter says, replying to Opie, shame on me. You cancelled his birthday party because you couldn't remember the names. You cancelled his party because of something you did. Cancelling his party is a horrible overreaction. That poor kid told you the names. Why didn't you remember them? If you're such a great mother

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_01] as you call yourself, why couldn't you remember a couple of names? If you wanted to punish him for simply face palming, that's already bad enough, but cancelling the whole birthday party? Shame on you. I wonder if you would have reacted the same if your daughter face palmed. I think not. Opie says, if she was also disrespectful before, then yes I would. I didn't punish my son only for the face palm. Despite knowing him for only three years, believe it or not,

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_01] I love them both equally as much. The commenter replies again, saying, also your comment, as his mom, I can do whatever I want, and says, yes you can, but don't be surprised if he cuts contact at 18. Opie says, have you read my post? Honestly now, as I have clearly stated how he has been terrible with me for two years straight. Miss Scribble says, info, what did his dad say when you told him you made this decision? Opie says, he just called me not too long ago and is against it.

[00:12:05] [SPEAKER_01] His birthday party will most likely not get cancelled anymore after the arguments I had with him and my son's grandparents and the lack of the not the arsehole slash no one's an arsehole here comments here. But it might have been postponed due to me not arranging things on time and other issues. I will still take his presents as punishment and give them back to him once he behaves and hopefully I'm taking the right actions with this. The commenter replies to that saying, you're really bad at parenting. Opie says, I only started parenting him two years ago.

[00:12:34] [SPEAKER_01] Until then, I was parenting my daughter who still respects me and is overall an adorable little girl. I don't think I was the one that failed here. Edit. Alright, I had enough. Starting from now, offensive awards are going to be hidden. So as said, Opie did come in with an update and says, a lot of you have DM'd me for an update since things are getting better between me and my son. So I decided I'd let you know how things are going. And then shares the original link. Since many of you

[00:13:03] [SPEAKER_01] have called me an arsehole and after the conversation I had with my husband and his parents, I realized that I did indeed overreact and I shouldn't have made such a harsh punishment. Some of you suggested if his attitude persists, I should find other ways to punish him like not allowing him on the laptop, let him do some housework, etc. And I will start doing these sort of punishments if needed. Unfortunately, due to me not contacting his friends on time, his birthday party still didn't happen on his birthday. It was postponed two days later.

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_01] But my daughter still got to celebrate her birthday on that day. My son was obviously really upset and in the morning he came to me and was on the verge of crying, asking me if I did actually cancel his birthday party. I told him that unfortunately his friends already made plans but if he behaves I will still do his birthday after two days. Surprisingly, he was really polite with me these days. Probably because he really wanted his birthday party. But I'm really happy to see that he has stopped raising his voice at me and stopped

[00:14:02] [SPEAKER_01] with his rude gestures such as face palming. His grandparents were also really upset on me and they ended up arranging the party for him instead as they said I'm too irresponsible. Both birthday parties ended up being successful and until now I still haven't had any severe arguments with him and I'm really happy with the way things are going. Thank you to everyone who sent me DMs to support me and provide me tips. Especially the stepmothers who are going through similar problems. Edit

[00:14:32] [SPEAKER_01] I'm extremely disappointed in the way things are turning out in the comments. I wrote this update post because you guys were interested in seeing how things came out to be in the end and I was more than happy to update you guys and this is the respect I'm getting back. When writing your comments please take a moment to think before clicking on that submit button or else I will no longer be interacting with this thread. Edit 2 Alright I can't anymore this is just too much for me to handle we'll come back in an hour or two

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_01] you guys clearly don't know how to act civil and I wouldn't be surprised if this thread gets locked soon. Edit 3 and this is in all caps by the way screw you to the anonymous user who just awarded me wishing that me and my daughter die oof I get that you still think I'm the arsehole here but this is not a competition and which one of us can be the bigger one you should be ashamed of yourself. So some people were replying to OP below this the first one says you're the arsehole I can imagine that being a step parent to a preteen

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_01] is a really big challenge but from what I've read in your previous post in this one your focus seems to be on punishing this child into behaving without caring to understand where the behaviour is coming from this boy does not need punitive punishment he needs you to listen and connect with him do some reading listen to some podcasts change your perspective OP says I'm aware where this behaviour is coming from I can sort of understand him unfortunately he gets little time and attention from his biological

[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_01] mother and father and this obviously affects him emotionally I've already told my husband this I'm trying my best to be a mother for him but it's just so difficult with the little support I have from my husband and his parents Misillusion says you're the arsehole I really don't think you're understanding what everyone is trying to tell you this kid hasn't seen his mother in a year now and his father has left him behind with a virtual stranger for a month this kid is hurting and probably feels abandoned and he's taking it out on the one person he can

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_01] guess what all kids do this to their safe person apparently he thought that was you and turns out he was wrong as you showed him you were definitely not understanding or compassionate he had an emotive reaction to a comment and you blew it out of proportion he probably wouldn't feel safe to be himself around you and will be fearful of your reaction you shouldn't be parenting in fear this kid needs kindness and understanding I find it surprising that you managed to pull off your daughter's party but were unable to do the same for him god

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_01] what a mess I'd seriously consider ensuring he has a counselor to talk to parenting is about being the safe place for your kid they will say shitty things to you it's your job to be patient and kind yet set boundaries over their emotions still understanding that their frontal brain is shut down and they cannot control these outbursts at times op quotes saying his father left him behind with a virtual stranger for a month and then says I'm sorry what his father left him with me skull bearer says Jesus Christ

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_01] the brains on this one op replies saying alright I've had enough of you you have been replying rudely to every single comment in mine I'm blocking you as it's obvious that we too cannot have any civil conversation jc says can't wait for the five year of update post where the stepson has completely cut you out of his life and you're surprised you're not allowed anywhere near him op says I know you're being ironic but you guys can beg me all you want because I will never be posting another update because of the way things are going

[00:17:58] [SPEAKER_01] I was kind of side-eyeing this from the beginning when she was saying you know he doesn't mind having his party with his stepsister I was kind of like really and I honestly like with all stories with kids in it I just feel for that kid because I do wonder what's going through his mind I mean it sounds like his father's absent his mother was mentally unstable and did not see her for a while you know well did not see him for almost a year now so that must be like awful for him

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_01] at the same time as well but what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below let's move on to another story now our next story comes from tequila shots at work and it says am I the arsehole for ordering tequila shots for my work colleagues at Friday lunchtime bloody hell I 26 male work in a busy lab

[00:18:57] [SPEAKER_01] medical diagnostics and every Friday we go with a team 6 to 7 people to a local sports bar to have a team building lunch on the boss's company card yesterday our boss was swamped with deadlines but said the rest of us could go anyway as long as we paid for any alcoholic drinks ourselves usually the boss plus one to two other people will order a small beer with their lunch so I've consumed alcohol on the clock before in this job I was even thinking that without the

[00:19:27] [SPEAKER_01] boss there I might order a big beer this time when we arrived though me and my work bro 25 male were drawn to a new offer the bar had on tequila shots buy for $10 in our defense we had just had a very stressful morning so we proposed to the team that we buy a single round of shots to commemorate it a couple of our colleagues were a little reluctant but after a little convincing we were soon toasting to a morning of hard work that's when my work bro proposed we order a second

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_01] round of shots I have a pretty high tolerance for alcohol so it was no problem with me I knew for a fact we have a couple of lightweight colleagues for example a diminutive Asian lady who rarely drinks 23 female but we still managed to convince the rest of the table to drink with us a second time after that the two females with us tapped out but the three remaining guys myself included decided to split 10 further tequila shots in our defense as far

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_01] as team building goes the outing was a roaring success I think I learned more about my colleagues in those one and a half hours than I have in the last two years unfortunately when we got back to the office our boss could smell the tequila on my breath my work bro very stupidly decided to be honest and told him that some of us had five plus shots of alcohol at lunch my boss's face turned bright red and he told us all to go home immediately and that it wasn't safe for us to be

[00:20:55] [SPEAKER_01] working in a lab while inebriated I calmly explained to him that I in fact still felt very sober I have a high tolerance remember but he wasn't having it I'm genuinely worried what's going to happen on Monday morning the two female colleagues called me and my work bro assholes for taking it too far and getting everyone in trouble I see their point of view but on the other hand we did have a really good time while at the bar help us out reddit who is the arsehole here

[00:21:25] [SPEAKER_01] so the first commenter says to OP you're the arsehole I'm pretty sure being inebriated while working in a medical diagnostic lab is a felony you should be thankful you weren't fired Pinebox Waiting says you're the arsehole five shots over one multiverse wanderer says god I can't even imagine wanting to take five shots fully knowing I had to go back to the office I would have been absolutely sloshed

[00:21:55] [SPEAKER_01] taking five shots in got two days later and it says well I'm sure a lot of you will be happy to know that me and my out of work

[00:22:24] [SPEAKER_01] bro got fired this morning HR asked us why exactly we thought we could drink six tequila shots and then go back to signations and promised a passing but not glowing reference for our future employers on a condition we don't mention what happened to anyone ever again

[00:22:54] [SPEAKER_01] I want to thank all those who commented on the original thread I is shot while I was no thank you what was that excuse with HR when they asked you

[00:23:24] [SPEAKER_01] what's going on and you came up work hard play hard I mean what did you think that actually work but what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story our next story is titled am I the asshole here for asking my dad why I should reward his cheating and breaking up our family when he told me I shouldn't punish him for being

[00:23:53] [SPEAKER_01] happy couple years ago my dad told my mom he wanted a divorce and went on to be with his high school crush it her since she she had the one he never got over her and always knew he would leave if he got

[00:24:23] [SPEAKER_01] his chance with her I wanted nothing to do with him since my siblings feel similarly only they get no choice since he has equal custody as mom they make life awful for him and for his girlfriend though and all three hope he stops making them socialize with him soon since he left mom he has tried with me too he invited me for family dinners and tried to set up a time for me to meet his girlfriend and for us to figure out a way forward the only time I responded was to that last

[00:24:53] [SPEAKER_01] part and I told him the only way forward was no contact the only time I seen dad in the past two years was at mom's house for means op so impact on me I

[00:25:23] [SPEAKER_01] said it was still emotional cheating when he was ready to leave mom if that woman snapped her fingers my dad emphasized the fact that he never cheated and he told him it has everything to do with me when it changed my family and interrupted my life I asked him why I should reward those things and why I want his kind of influence in my life I told him I didn't give a fuck about his happiness or that woman he was out of luck if he thinks he will ever get my seal of approval or get me to spend time with

[00:25:53] [SPEAKER_01] him and her that said my mindset was wrong and having a relationship doesn't reward him it's good for me and could add framing things in the worst possible light and for even thinking about this as rewarding versus not I had to walk away because he was ready to keep going and I didn't

[00:26:23] [SPEAKER_01] want it to spill into my brother's party am I the asshole here what a bloody cheeky burke your dad pretty much admitted he never got over his high school crush and was always ready to bail if she did become available that's just years of emotional betrayal towards your mom where she was a placeholder and what he's saying where he's calling what you're doing to him is punishment is again it's just consequences like

[00:26:53] [SPEAKER_01] the subreddit you're not punishing him you're just protecting yourself from someone who's proved you know he will step over everyone else to make himself happy and he's trying to twist everything around by saying you know his girlfriend as another supportive woman I mean come on how he is dense but medical mountain says the fact he has zero remorse for one using a woman for several years wasting her life when she could have been with someone who actually loved her to having several children with her knowing he'd

[00:27:22] [SPEAKER_01] leave her and them shows what kind of person he is I don't associate with people like this I don't blame you or your siblings for not wanting to doc replies saying I'm turning 40 this year and my dad pulled a similar stunt when I was 17 left

[00:27:52] [SPEAKER_01] us out of nowhere started a new family and had two kids with his new wife he never understood that this rocked our world us three were miserable for years money was tight and there were repeated downward spirals we had to fight our way through I'm telling you this as context you and your siblings are there my brother and I are the greatest thing that happened to her

[00:28:22] [SPEAKER_01] period and I'm not saying this because I'm such a swell dude I'm saying this because I have a Mila says oh my god he actually said you're missing out by rejecting his girlfriend how far

[00:28:52] [SPEAKER_01] did he have to twist himself to get that far up his butt for that viewpoint what about your father missing out on his children because he can't think with anything but his dick not the asshole hope he says he believes that too never expected us to be mad or hurt by his choices and he truly believed everything would be perfect for him everyone else's feelings were unimportant or just supposed to

[00:29:34] [SPEAKER_01] that you and your siblings don't invest in his conditional love you could spend your life sucking up to him and still throw you aside the moment it's convenient he fucked around and found out and one more comment from efficient society 73 who says not the asshole he only sees it as punishment because you won't give him what he wants your approval of his decision that isn't punishing him you're simply holding him accountable for how his actions affected you and the people you care about your dad sounds like a selfish

[00:30:04] [SPEAKER_01] bastard he chose your mom and by extension your family because he couldn't have the woman he truly wanted and she's not better if she's okay being with with that it's just absolute madness that this guy can do this to his family

[00:30:34] [SPEAKER_01] and still try and turn it around on them not feel guilty for what he's done but call opie an arse of you know for not wanting to be a part of it at all after opie sent all of this go down and likely his mom's upset because below that just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your

[00:31:03] [SPEAKER_01] support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being here truly is absolutely amazing and hopefully I'll see you in

[00:31:34] [SPEAKER_00] that