I "Ruined" My Wife's Life By Providing Too Much r/Relationships

[00:00:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, what's up again? I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories

[00:00:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And if you do love a Reddit story one, I'll consider in the like subscribe maybe that notification bell too

[00:00:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Unless crack on with today's first story

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Much love guys now today's first story comes from constant barnacle 992 from the true off my chest so Reddit and says

[00:00:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I ruined my wife's life

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I mail 43 try to do my best to provide for my wife, email 38 and two kids, 3 and 5 as well as my mother-in-law

[00:00:41] [SPEAKER_00]: What'd like to think I'm doing a decent job? Over the years I worked to improve our family's living situation

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Not only did I complete another bachelor's and recently mastered in a STEM related degree

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_00]: At the same time worked two full-time jobs or completing my second bachelor's and put my wife through school as well

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_00]: She completed the degree where she could make good money up to 60 to 70 k a year and a health care field always has jobs available

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_00]: With the birth of our two kids, she has since gave up on her career to be a stay-at home mum for the time being

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_00]: That first it was a struggle while I was finishing up my masters once I completed it after our youngest turn three

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_00]: My career took a jump and we're now able to afford our single income household in a more feasible manner

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_00]: With far from rich but do okay for a single income family of four a little north of

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_00]: 150 k base plus bonuses

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_00]: The past year life was overwhelming per my wife so even though I now work 75% from home

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_00]: I budgeted to hire a daytime nanny to help her around the house with one child while the other is in school now

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_00]: My day starts every day around 530 to 6am

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_00]: I get the house ready for the day before the nanny comes at 8am

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I get our oldest up and ready for school breakfast made and plan out my day

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Bring our oldest to drop off and be home in time to let the nanny in

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_00]: My most recent task at work, let's meet grounded for the next two months meaning I am now 100%

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Work from home

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_00]: While this is nice and busy and meetings all day as my role manages teens on a global scale as I

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Realized my wife as much as she says her life is stressful at home

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Starts at 10am

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_00]: I asked my mother and Laura nanny if this was always the case after a week or so of working from home

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_00]: And they both responded more or less sometimes earlier sometimes later

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_00]: My wife literally wakes up and cooks and then scroll through a phone or shops from home

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Which brings me to my gripe? I'm glad I'm able to provide her that sort of life since we both grew up lacking in me

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_00]: I get the possibility of postpartent depression the stress of having kids the feeling of being unfulfilled

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, that I probably am a shitty husband but for what it's worth

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Everything is taking care of and then some I managed the house finances she claims she was too busy to do so

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_00]: They all the household bills. I pay my own personal bills. I pay her bills

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Track and perform all the upkeep of our house appliances cars pairs et cetera

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_00]: They also help pay for my mother-in-law's medical bills and car note

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_00]: But apparently my life is on easy street compared to her

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I can't decompress her because it seems like she always feels the need to one out me

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_00]: At a bad day, but she had it worth because I'm lucky I got to go away and work

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I feed her from working all day during work travel

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Which is nothing compared to her standing and cooking with a child cling into her

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Past two or so years have been told I ruined her life

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Roper tunities et cetera, but when I reminded her of what she says she denies and dodges accountability

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00]: My mother-in-law has brought me aside and stated she's noticed a change in both myself and my wife

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Have a greater attachment to my kids and hell of hugged the dogs and talk to them more about my life into my wife

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_00]: That honestly feel like I'm an emotional survival mode

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Some one step from moving up the career ladder and one step from finding love and comfort from the bottom of a whiskey bottle

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure I'll be hearing from the manly men of Reddit about how I'm simping

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_00]: But some not a machine I just want to know and feel that someone I prioritise aside from my kids

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Appreciate and loves me for what I do

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure I hear from the state home moms of Reddit, which is fine

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_00]: A group in a single parent slash mother household

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_00]: It's not easy and honestly with the help of her mother and nanny mungly to Friday

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_00]: One toddler while another a child is at school. Can you honestly tell me she's having a typical stare home

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Mumps experience because neither my friends or colleagues who are single parents can say she is

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure the masses of holly of them now redditers will consider this supportly written fanfic

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00]: But it is what it is

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_00]: But we started in the comments with no mango who says sorry down vote or not your wife sounds entitled this fuck

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Stay at home mom, never nanny, which part of looking after the kids that she do when the nanny is there

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Cooking well as she's cooking all day long

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_00]: That's two maybe three meals if you have cooked a breakfast

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_00]: hardly fucking taxing or time consuming

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Is she cooking a tank or banquet for each meal to feed 50 people?

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_00]: How did you ruin her life exactly?

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_00]: She made the choice to not work after having kids, but was a reason for that because looking after

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_00]: The kids can't be it. You have a nanny for that

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Bbd sure to get some help for that. It's hardly a rare condition that there is no medical help for

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know I get the vibe that she's actually going through

[00:05:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Board housewife syndrome rather than ppd

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's linked either way help is out there

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_00]: But she has to want to get it

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm curious what you are getting out of this relationship as it stands

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_00]: You paint the picture she sounds toxic as fuck

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Sophie Shadows says dude what are you doing?

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_00]: You're supposed to be a team and she's taking you for an absolute ride

[00:06:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I totally understand because I've nearly finished my PhD in run my own businesses

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_00]: My husband looks a manual job full time and never two year old and some pets

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Occasionally I feel like I'm taking on too much of the mental load so we sit down and talk to each other

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Currently, to figure out how we can work well together

[00:06:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Through the week I go out to work when he gets home from work

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_00]: So we try very hard to keep the love and the relationship that has to come from both sides

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_00]: If you guys were to sit right down what each you contribute

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_00]: It'd be leading very heavily your way

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Is there some sort of resentment going on here? Have you cheated on her or somehow wronged

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_00]: In the past now she's punishing you

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_00]: This is really unsustainable for you and is not going to end well

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Nikki P27 says sounds like she needs a reality check two kids one is at school and the other has a nanny

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_00]: What does she do all day how could a day be so stressful that she's trying to one up you?

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00]: She's living the cushy stay at home mom life because she has to do nothing

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm having two kids and worked and we never had a nanny

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_00]: She never complained about how hard a day is what you need to stop paying for a nanny never step up as a mum

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I was like she's ruining your life not the other way around

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Edit this is coming from someone who's not married and doesn't have kids yet

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I think she either go to couples counseling or get divorced plain and simple

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_00]: To after that OP comes into the post to add more context in reply to the comments

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_00]: It said one never cheated

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_00]: I do work in an industry that has a large female population but literally an open book with work

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Name colleagues and staff under me just access to my work agendas and correspondence if you really wanted to snoop

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_00]: But on that note she still doesn't know what exactly I do for a living at this time too

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_00]: We as a whole family her parents and mine have tried to get her to go to therapy but she refuses or skirts around the issue

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Three aside from my coming from a single mother house hold purse my biological dad was present in my life

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00]: It's had both parents in a reportedly monogamous marriage over 40 years

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Four I've tried to talk to her about everything in my own feelings but again

[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_00]: We're not going ship ends to be the trend here. I

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_00]: What am I getting out of the marriage was asked now aside from my two beautiful kids?

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I've been asking myself that same question

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Never near not exist in sex life may leases last year

[00:08:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I've always figured maybe it's a part of depression or whatever

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_00]: She may be going through maybe I'm just not attractive enough for just horrible embed because of my health conditions

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not some supermodel husband but temptation and opportunity does knock and I can perform still

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_00]: But I never give in but as cliche as it sounds I honestly do love my wife and want to only be with her

[00:08:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Six I'll give credit where credit is due. As I don't want to sound biased

[00:09:03] [SPEAKER_00]: When I say she wakes up and cooks she cooks for everyone in the house myself kids mother and law and even nanny

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Aside from breakfast she cooks all meals and snacks

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Equipically fast until lunchtime and our oldest tends to eat a small simple breakfast

[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Case they don't like what school serves that morning

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_00]: She does load both the kids in a laundry a seldom leaf falten puts them up

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_00]: It typically do my own in the rest of my clothes I dry clean because they're workflows

[00:09:30] [SPEAKER_00]: She does keep track of our pantry and fridge but after she makes a list

[00:09:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm the one who goes out and buys everything if not delivered

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_00]: He does clean our bathrooms in house 50% of the time the other 50 is done by either mother and law or myself for

[00:09:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes the nanny if she feels like being extra helpful

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Devon Praternanny my mother and law was the main help from my wife up until she had an unexpected

[00:09:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Medical need but opted to hire a nanny to help them both

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Also when mother and law are having treatments and recovering and for me there I just wanted to jump back to number two

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_00]: It said we're as a whole family her parents and mine if tried to get her to go to therapy

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_00]: But she refuses and it's just screaming at me sort of red flag there's something going on here

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And she does need to see some sort of therapy by the sounds of but if she can continue to ignore it and and choose not to

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to be in the end left with very little option

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_00]: How I feel at the moment anyway

[00:10:27] [SPEAKER_00]: And again, there was a lot of mentions of you know potentially depression ppd along those lines kind of thing

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I became in with her first update and said not sure if anyone would read this but thank you for those of reached out and

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Chit Chatted

[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I know I've kept my newfound friends here updated. I figured I'd just update my post and keep it short

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_00]: I showed my wife the poster following weekend and she read it in all the comments on story short

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_00]: argument

[00:10:51] [SPEAKER_00]: She left that house to stay with her sister and I've been a single parent since

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_00]: It's sad to say aside from the good nights to our kids is all pretty much the same routine

[00:11:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing much else to say other than thank you for all the kind words of encouragement

[00:11:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Just need to add as post got bigger than I expected from venting posts but respond to a few comments

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Underless thank you for the comments in dms and more so for the offers to let me ruin your life

[00:11:18] [SPEAKER_00]: It's been a highlight of my day and night as I set here drinking with my dog or everyone as a sleep

[00:11:23] [SPEAKER_00]: If feels depressingly sad, they feel like I have to turn to random internet strangers for some sort of validation in my rant

[00:11:30] [SPEAKER_00]: My apologies in advance as I try to keep this as vague as possible

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_00]: But OP created another update which was titled I ruined my wife's life again

[00:11:41] [SPEAKER_00]: I just want to top date so those have been kind enough to check up via dms and comments

[00:11:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Apologies in advance for the lengthy post

[00:11:48] [SPEAKER_00]: It's a bit of an irony and coincidence that I made a follow up from the update on the sick of me

[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I made on my original post during men's mental health awareness month but I could really use another outlet outside of my therapist

[00:12:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Apologies if there's not the story book ending slash the strong of a relationship people were hoping for

[00:12:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Save you a read wife left came back like nothing happened she made it about her nothing's changed

[00:12:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm continuing to be suffering mentally knowing nothing will change or trying to keep it together for our kids

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Lots of takeout

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Today is after she packed up and left a wife attended to come back and take the kids with her to assist us

[00:12:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Naturally I was against this and thankfully so was a whole family including said sister

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Not only was it not fair to our kids but had to sweep them away into a home that's not theirs

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_00]: But to put that financial housing stress on the rest of her family

[00:12:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Since she doesn't work in a sister enough family I was burned in three kids stays with her dad in the house

[00:12:47] [SPEAKER_00]: They grew up in

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_00]: After a little over a week of being away I guess she called us

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_00]: She just decided that it would be fine if she walked in the door with her bags as she just came back from target

[00:12:58] [SPEAKER_00]: She came into my office while I was working and angrily stared at me by sat on the conference called meeting with my team

[00:13:05] [SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't just jump off as this was a busy time for the quarter for us

[00:13:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I guess that didn't sit well with her because once I took off my headset and closed my laptop

[00:13:14] [SPEAKER_00]: She started yelling at me about how much I really don't care about her and how well being overall

[00:13:20] [SPEAKER_00]: At that moment I couldn't do anything more than look at her and just shake my head

[00:13:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Mother and Laura came in after hearing my wife yelling and pulled her away

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Adding a nod to bother me while our nanyke kept our youngest away from bed all on the other side of the house

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_00]: At night after the kids were put to bed I sat in my office by myself with a drink because I've been doing for the past night so my wife came in

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_00]: We talked we argued we cried we drank one thing led to another and we were in bed

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Or was she I could say that was our making up but the next sobering morning as we laid there

[00:13:53] [SPEAKER_00]: She went on about how hard it was for her the time she was gone

[00:13:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Literally, there was all about her struggle staying at our family house in a role room with a dad and sister's family

[00:14:03] [SPEAKER_00]: How lucky I am to be able to stay here and do this and that and by this or do that and not stress as much as they did

[00:14:10] [SPEAKER_00]: How easy my and everyone else is in our family lives our compared to hers even though we had similar upbrings

[00:14:17] [SPEAKER_00]: My mind had heart broke that morning I've been spiraling down since then and this last week

[00:14:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I made her another attempt to reconcile and talk things out but I was met with a shouting match

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_00]: We'll try to express my current stress and anxieties with life and work in general

[00:14:33] [SPEAKER_00]: wife said well, do you know how hard this is for me?

[00:14:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Just supposed to help me be happy

[00:14:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Hope you replied so when it comes to my happiness stress needs an overall well being

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_00]: But me get over it right

[00:14:46] [SPEAKER_00]: wife replies saying we all have our own problems you need to figure it out and get over them

[00:14:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Hope you continue. I don't know who the woman I am at home with is but that wasn't the woman

[00:14:58] [SPEAKER_00]: I married and vowed to spend my life with and raise our kids together

[00:15:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Does that conversation I've been noticeably distant with her? I've been sleeping in my office or on the couch with my kids in their bed

[00:15:09] [SPEAKER_00]: After putting either one of them to sleep

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Still doesn't change us starting a day at 10 a.m. and sitting on our phone talking to a mum group

[00:15:16] [SPEAKER_00]: between cooking meals with the kids in both mother and law and that is care

[00:15:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing has changed and I doubt that anything will change

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Sadly, I think even if we got a divorce nothing would change you'll feel different anyways

[00:15:29] [SPEAKER_00]: As my wife's leaving the day seemed like any other day except with a little more takeout than usual

[00:15:34] [SPEAKER_00]: My main fear there isn't that I wouldn't just lose my wife

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I could lose my kids in the process

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_00]: So I guess it's sad to say the grand finale to my story with like a lot of men in some women

[00:15:45] [SPEAKER_00]: I've talked to here. I just continue to smile and suffer in silence

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_00]: First off, thank you for all the comments in the end

[00:15:54] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm context and clarification since admittedly my post was emotionally charged since I typed it after another argument

[00:16:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Postbirth our kids pediatricians office gave my wife those postpart and depression screening forms

[00:16:08] [SPEAKER_00]: During the time of both she's called pretty high. I was suggested to see a therapist

[00:16:12] [SPEAKER_00]: As our second child she scored significantly higher and we or I should say I made an effort to get a help

[00:16:19] [SPEAKER_00]: She needs to refuse to enter mother and law and nanny for support

[00:16:24] [SPEAKER_00]: I know what people will say and think but this is one of the reasons I'm not 100% ready to just give up and file a life together away

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Also, I know silently suffering in the near and long run of our kids future will not add to

[00:16:38] [SPEAKER_00]: the atmosphere at neither would a bitter and hate filled the voice

[00:16:41] [SPEAKER_00]: I know some have compared it to the ripping off a bandage saying it had heard at first but then the pain goes away

[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_00]: But I'd rather try to spare my kids thinking that their parents ended up hating each other because of them or something

[00:16:54] [SPEAKER_00]: along those lines. I taught a few people I talked to in DMs since my last post

[00:16:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Little more insight on my personal life

[00:17:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Prior to my promotion was a PM managing teams and budgets so at a habit I planned for a lot of

[00:17:06] [SPEAKER_00]: What ifs?

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_00]: That being said I made a number of contingency plans of sadly things went south so yes, I

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I've talked to a lawyer

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Pretty actually

[00:17:15] [SPEAKER_00]: No art rights and what each of us are entitled to have a draft settlement created in

[00:17:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Unhold into why feel I need to use it

[00:17:23] [SPEAKER_00]: And it what I want and unwilling to offer more than what is fair for our kids well being

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_00]: But also have a plan if we end up going to court

[00:17:30] [SPEAKER_00]: It's 100% on me I'm suffering in silence

[00:17:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm too stubborn to just give up so why I'm venting?

[00:17:36] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me and you're it keep the norm our kids know

[00:17:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Ensure my mother in law streetman goes uninterrupted

[00:17:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Of course, I hope my wife would finally be open to give in therapy a shot and climb together to a better place

[00:17:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you all again

[00:17:52] [SPEAKER_00]: So OP comes in with another update and says I'm done

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Why said I don't do and I'm not shit in front of the therapist and family fathers they dinner

[00:18:00] [SPEAKER_00]: She got served

[00:18:01] [SPEAKER_00]: She's mad it's trying to act perfect and I'm just waiting while taking care of my family kids my mom and mother in law

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Oh well, I just ruin everyone else's life too in my family

[00:18:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Secondly the class in confusion

[00:18:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I did not get too bachelor's in a master's while working two jobs at the same time as some readers are assuming

[00:18:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Bachelor's one graduated in the early 2000s

[00:18:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Bachelor's two via online years two classes of semester later while working two full-time jobs

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Not one hospital 36 and 48 scheduled job

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Two big box store 32 to 40 hours spread out seven days a week

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Pay for both my and my wife's tuition because she decided to go back to school before we had kids

[00:18:43] [SPEAKER_00]: After graduating from bachelor number two and entering the inch Liam in now

[00:18:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Was able to work one job and get my masters?

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_00]: They know I did not get three degrees at the same time or in that close succession

[00:18:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm surprised that I actually have to spell this out as someone working two jobs while going to school

[00:18:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Isn't that uncommon or at least that's what I thought

[00:19:03] [SPEAKER_00]: My wife chooses not to work she does technically have a job

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_00]: She just barely works at the point we forget she has a job

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_00]: As in she worked one day

[00:19:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Or to five months ago for eight hours on the Tuesday kind of barely works

[00:19:17] [SPEAKER_00]: A job and manager is really supportive

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Lex PRN model and gives a list of days they need coverage and she can choose to pick a shift or not

[00:19:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Or she can work more and only does just enough to keep her license

[00:19:31] [SPEAKER_00]: She complains to our family of her career been unhauled for one reason or the other

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Although she has the opportunity to work more if she opted to

[00:19:39] [SPEAKER_00]: All things considered she has an available supportive circle around her

[00:19:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Either decision she falls on

[00:19:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Our family her job and I have multiple offers and I've taken many steps to open that door for her to go back to work

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_00]: I eat nanny mother and law moved into help. I work from home a crazy flex PRN schedule

[00:19:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Et cetera et cetera but here we are

[00:20:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I am and have been in therapy for myself already aside from what I deal with at home

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I work can be very debilitating in regard to my mental health as well as physical at times

[00:20:11] [SPEAKER_00]: It's I can't find the support I need mentally and physically at home with my wife

[00:20:15] [SPEAKER_00]: I've opted to attend therapy rather than find comfort with someone outside of the home or at the bottom of a bottle

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I've tried to express this to my wife and as mentioning my previous post

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Here's a habit of one uping me and here we are

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_00]: My in laws are still married given the circumstances in our home and mother and law moved into help out my wife

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_00]: My sister and laura and a family move back into their parents house due to their own reasons

[00:20:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Sister and laura and a family can save money while getting back on their feet and my wife and I benefit from mother and

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_00]: laws help we can keep a closer eye on her while gender goes by monthly treatments

[00:20:50] [SPEAKER_00]: By wife by means of questionnaires is highly suspected that have ppd alongside the history of

[00:20:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Symptomatic OCD and ADHD amongst other ailments that over the years she refused to get evaluated for

[00:21:04] [SPEAKER_00]: or refused to accept results given and knew what I was getting into and I loved and accepted my wife for these flaws

[00:21:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And she did mine at the time

[00:21:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Spam your I don't feel sorry for you or pity and like every other man who fell in love and wanted to give my

[00:21:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Person the best of me and the world I can offer but again here we are

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of manly men slash red pill nation guys out there complaining and saying I'm

[00:21:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Simping over my wife while I respect your own opinions and perspectives

[00:21:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I will outright say if this situation was only affecting my life all over left a long time ago

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_00]: As one redith has said in the past comment that sucked to me and the kind of person that would take a bullet for his kids

[00:21:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's in a different context intended but protect my children from any harm physically or mentally

[00:21:52] [SPEAKER_00]: I'll take the proverbial but if and as needed

[00:21:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Like to think other dads out there would respond to the duty to protect their children

[00:22:00] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I enjoyed as much as I have

[00:22:03] [SPEAKER_00]: The time being our driver my wife used me as an outlet for whatever our problems were versus our kids

[00:22:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for all the comments and reaching out

[00:22:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I've met many strangers who have become great reddit pen pales and some have been in the

[00:22:17] [SPEAKER_00]: No of every step that has been progressing to this point

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Surprise how far this is gone

[00:22:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Other subreddits, other platforms and even YouTube

[00:22:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Love me hate me say it's all fake no matter where you stand

[00:22:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for all your constructive comments and DMs to check in

[00:22:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Our kids and myself are going to be all right moving forward

[00:22:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Now for the update the end of an era

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_00]: This will be shorter than some expected as there's really not much to say just say shape the questions some of you

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_00]: May have had and give people the satisfaction of the they called you so's moment or reddit

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_00]: After a hard push from our family via an intervention by wife and I finally attended to go to marriage counseling

[00:22:57] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure many of you guess how well that went

[00:23:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Lamed years regrets gaslighting with a side of I'm the reason for a life being ruined and horrible

[00:23:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Again

[00:23:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Just this time in front of a licensed therapist instead of reddit or mum groups in the end everything the

[00:23:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Therapist suggested and noted when over ahead and ignored as it was against the grain of a status quo

[00:23:20] [SPEAKER_00]: One thing I guess worth saying was a therapist asked if she could recall when she last truly felt happy

[00:23:26] [SPEAKER_00]: A response was about 12 or so years ago

[00:23:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Please note

[00:23:31] [SPEAKER_00]: While years ago she was still in their 20s childless living with her eggs a vastly different time and position in life

[00:23:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I know it's petty of me, but I guess if that's when she was last happy

[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_00]: It wouldn't be that far of a stretch for her to find that happiness again since the rakes is in the same apartment

[00:23:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Job and have placed in life that he was 12 years ago

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Which is fine

[00:23:52] [SPEAKER_00]: If that's how you want to live life

[00:23:54] [SPEAKER_00]: I try not to judge but in my 40s with kids going clubbing three to four days a week

[00:23:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Is not my jam anymore

[00:24:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And of course, I don't want my kids around a mum and company who drowns themselves in white claws

[00:24:05] [SPEAKER_00]: The way I know someone asked

[00:24:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I know and can confirm she hasn't physically cheated on me

[00:24:11] [SPEAKER_00]: But can't confirm if she did emotionally

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_00]: If that's the right term

[00:24:15] [SPEAKER_00]: After said therapy session, I checked all of her own records and didn't see anything at the ordinary

[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_00]: But I also didn't bother to check apps like Instagram or Snapchat

[00:24:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I know I'm probably boring but shout out to all the cost code ads whose Sunday fund day

[00:24:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Includes making rounds with kids for samples

[00:24:33] [SPEAKER_00]: The following weekend was father's day

[00:24:36] [SPEAKER_00]: And this year is expected not that big of a celebration as it is for many dads out there

[00:24:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Our family got together to celebrate with a barbecue and just simple family time

[00:24:46] [SPEAKER_00]: And my wife treated it like any other day

[00:24:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Sleep in, get up, cook, phone, shop

[00:24:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Attempt to play with kids?

[00:24:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Phone

[00:24:53] [SPEAKER_00]: During said family barbecue, my wife said she felt ill

[00:24:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Though she sat around most of the day while the rest of the family is a whole made the experience enjoyable

[00:25:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And everything was set up and the family all sat at the table

[00:25:06] [SPEAKER_00]: The parents and sisters family, my mother, our kids

[00:25:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Admittedly, it was a great spread

[00:25:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing extravagant but just a great meal for everyone

[00:25:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I was conversing with my brother in law about both of our kids school fathers

[00:25:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Debtivities and I assumed my wife overheard

[00:25:21] [SPEAKER_00]: And I mentioned that it was a little sad to see some kids sit alone with their fathers

[00:25:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Hearing the breakfast with dad events, I attended

[00:25:27] [SPEAKER_00]: She blurted out with a laugh loud enough for the whole room to hear

[00:25:31] [SPEAKER_00]: It's not like you do anything anyway

[00:25:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I could have gone instead

[00:25:34] [SPEAKER_00]: At that moment I was read

[00:25:37] [SPEAKER_00]: And a little loss of words sitting there processing what she had said in my head

[00:25:40] [SPEAKER_00]: While the dining room went dead silent my mother and Lord broke the awkwardness and in response said well

[00:25:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe if you feel that way one of you should divorce the other

[00:25:50] [SPEAKER_00]: I wife looked at my mother and Lord confused that she would respond with that and laughed

[00:25:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Mockingly in my direction

[00:25:56] [SPEAKER_00]: With a hand point to get me said as if another woman would want a man like him

[00:26:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Just look at you

[00:26:03] [SPEAKER_00]: While the room sat silent

[00:26:05] [SPEAKER_00]: I was angry, heartbroken confused and embarrassed all at the same time

[00:26:09] [SPEAKER_00]: In madly man fashion I just nodded my head in silence stood up and picked up my keys

[00:26:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Got into my truck and drove off to get a drink

[00:26:16] [SPEAKER_00]: But trying to ignore the cries of the rest of the family and that kids telling me to stay

[00:26:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know what was said or done while I was out of the house the rest of Sunday

[00:26:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Because I couldn't bring myself to check out house cameras

[00:26:27] [SPEAKER_00]: But when I returned early Monday morning

[00:26:30] [SPEAKER_00]: The house had a completely different feel

[00:26:32] [SPEAKER_00]: As usually I woke up around 6

[00:26:34] [SPEAKER_00]: But the house and our oldest ready for school drop off check emails check messages

[00:26:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing out of the ordinary

[00:26:40] [SPEAKER_00]: As I was getting dressed to leave my wife laid in our beds snoring lightly

[00:26:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I could do what's look at her and think of what we had

[00:26:47] [SPEAKER_00]: And now lost

[00:26:49] [SPEAKER_00]: I've decided I'm done

[00:26:51] [SPEAKER_00]: I can't do this anymore

[00:26:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I text my lawyer that morning to move forward with serving her

[00:26:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Fast forward to last week she was served at our home

[00:26:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Reminded that people that have no choice but to be there because I worked from home

[00:27:04] [SPEAKER_00]: She had I guess what you would call a mini meltdown

[00:27:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Came into my office screaming how I could do this to her mother intervened and that was met with me

[00:27:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Supposedly turning her whole family against her

[00:27:15] [SPEAKER_00]: But I digress I probably would have felt bad if it wasn't immediately followed by the rest of her week

[00:27:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Actin as if she's been this active and attentive wife and mother the past few years

[00:27:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Sure people can say she's making an attempt as she's made many attempts and historically we fall back to where we've been

[00:27:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Those curious I'm aiming for full or at least majority custody of our kids

[00:27:36] [SPEAKER_00]: I already and will continue to cover all the expenses for our kids insurance tuition with our kids

[00:27:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Our slash will be attending private schools come for medical bills etc

[00:27:47] [SPEAKER_00]: My mother-in-law has given me the courage and strength that helped me supplement my own mother support throughout this

[00:27:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Basically she is what I hope the kind of mother slash wife my wife would have been to our kids and me

[00:27:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I'll respect my mother-in-law as well as per my own mother shed wishes

[00:28:03] [SPEAKER_00]: We'll continue to help oversee and contribute financial help if needed during our treatments

[00:28:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Or some may feel I should cut their whole family off

[00:28:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I know the hardships pushed onto a family while dealing with cancer

[00:28:15] [SPEAKER_00]: And I dealt with it firsthand as a family member and care provider on both sides of the desk

[00:28:20] [SPEAKER_00]: All in all, I'm prepared to go to war if needed

[00:28:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I just want to clean no fuss the voice

[00:28:26] [SPEAKER_00]: My wife has no alamony coming

[00:28:29] [SPEAKER_00]: We're sorry if the reddit is a mommy gang Facebook group saying she needs to divorce me first

[00:28:33] [SPEAKER_00]: And get that sweet sweet alamony money

[00:28:36] [SPEAKER_00]: One believe in a state that does not typically enforce alamony

[00:28:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Two, she has a means of gainful employment immediately

[00:28:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Three, help curb any possible problems or cover insurance and bills until either divorce is

[00:28:48] [SPEAKER_00]: finalized or when she gains full employment

[00:28:51] [SPEAKER_00]: So that's that I'm done and waiting for the steps to be taken for everything to be finalized

[00:28:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Sorry it wasn't as an exciting of a story with a plot twist as some of you hope for but that's life

[00:29:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Not sure I'll update this once it's all finalized

[00:29:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Which probably won't be for a few months depending if we go to war or not

[00:29:10] [SPEAKER_00]: A story with a mother-in-law who's being supportive especially with

[00:29:15] [SPEAKER_00]: What he's gone through in this one story and I can see why he wants to support her as well

[00:29:22] [SPEAKER_00]: In terms of her cancer treatment she sounds like she's been very supportive of him and you know your own mother to say the

[00:29:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Vores is the answer here

[00:29:30] [SPEAKER_00]: There's it all really doesn't it I can only imagine that OP still got a little bit more of a journey ahead of him

[00:29:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Especially with like finalizing the divorce and all this but I'm trying to think of the future when that does come for OP

[00:29:43] [SPEAKER_00]: And the wait that will be lifted for him

[00:29:47] [SPEAKER_00]: It's just gonna be absolutely mind blowing but now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this

[00:29:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:29:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Just a huge thank you from the bottom my heart for getting involved into today's stories

[00:30:03] [SPEAKER_00]: The love your support your time always means the absolute world to me say thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one

[00:30:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, care and much love