I RESENT My Husband For His Choices When We Got Married r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider? Hit that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Now, today's stories are two posts. One was apparently the wife who said, am I the arsehole for resenting my husband since I got pregnant? And then it follows with the husband's, which is a separate post with an update on that as well. So we're starting with a wife's post, which says, am I the arsehole here for resenting my husband since I got pregnant?

[00:00:42] I, female 28, have been with Michael, male 41, for the last 8 years. We got engaged 1.5 years ago and decided to get married once my master's degree was done. Michael has a daughter, female 12, who lives across the country. I found out I was pregnant 4.5 months ago. When I told Michael, he looked shocked. I suggested we postpone the wedding but he said no. In fact, let's have the wedding earlier.

[00:01:12] We can have a small courthouse wedding and once the baby is born, we will have a nice party. I reluctantly agreed.

[00:01:19] We set a date. I got a nice dress and my friend did my hair and makeup. I showed up and saw that Michael didn't bother wearing a clean shirt. He wore his old jeans, didn't shave or shower and wore his old t-shirt.

[00:01:33] I asked him if he really wanted to marry me. He said yes, let's go, hurry up.

[00:01:38] After the ceremony, we went for lunch and he told me his daughter is moving in with us. So it's best to cancel our honeymoon slash babymoon that was supposed to be in September.

[00:01:48] I was shocked and asked why. He said he can't just abandon this kid for a week. Ella is moving across the country. Everything is new to her. We need to bond with her.

[00:01:58] Get over yourself. You are going to be a mom. How about a little empathy?

[00:02:04] I just stayed quiet. He went back to work and I went back to my place to pack my stuff alone because I was officially moving in with him.

[00:02:12] Now that Ella has moved in, I feel completely unseen. He spends all his free time doing stuff with her and I'm not invited. He says his kid has been through a lot and he needs to bond with her.

[00:02:24] I pretty much spend all my time alone, either at school or at my part-time job. I go to all my baby appointments alone.

[00:02:32] Today, he told me he's taking her to Disneyland because September is her birthday.

[00:02:36] I feel so petty but September was supposed to be our honeymoon. I asked and I guess I'm not invited to the trip, right?

[00:02:45] He said you are always invited but this time I want it to be me and her only. It's the first time I get to be with her on her birthday.

[00:02:53] I just left for school and cried. Why is he punishing me for getting pregnant?

[00:02:59] Things were great before and all of a sudden, I don't even exist anymore.

[00:03:02] Am I the arsehole for resenting my husband? Am I too needy and unreasonable?

[00:03:09] Mate, all I can say is that you need to get yourself out of that situation.

[00:03:14] A-S-A-P.

[00:03:16] All I can think of in those first three paragraphs is, you know, Admiral Ackbar in Star Wars when he's like,

[00:03:22] It's a trap!

[00:03:22] The fact that he rushed you into marriage like that didn't even bother to wear a clean shirt to your wedding.

[00:03:28] I mean, what the fuck?

[00:03:29] And that decision about his daughter didn't just immediately pop into his head after the ceremony.

[00:03:33] He's been thinking about this for a while.

[00:03:36] Hasn't discussed it with you and then told you it's happening.

[00:03:40] Didn't ask you, he told you it's happening.

[00:03:44] Like I said, get your arse out of that situation as soon and as safely as possible, Opie.

[00:03:51] Talk to loved ones, any support system that you have and get out of there.

[00:03:56] Snake in your garden says,

[00:03:57] Husband.

[00:03:58] You mean the guy you quickly married in court who didn't bother to wear a clean shirt?

[00:04:03] Husband.

[00:04:04] Either you start setting your boundaries in this relationship now or you will be a doormat forever.

[00:04:10] Did you know his daughter will be living with you?

[00:04:12] Did you agree to that?

[00:04:14] Were it to me, I'd file for a divorce.

[00:04:16] Well, wouldn't get married like this in the first place, but what's done is done.

[00:04:20] I would only do a proper do-over if he persuaded me well enough with his care.

[00:04:25] Otherwise, why be responsible for three kids?

[00:04:28] Not the arsehole.

[00:04:30] Opie says, no, I have no clue.

[00:04:32] He just informed me during the lunch.

[00:04:34] Leave me alone, dude says, babe.

[00:04:36] That is not how a loving husband would approach such a topic.

[00:04:39] And his comments on top of that.

[00:04:41] Jesus seems like he thinks that now you're married and pregnant, there is no way you'll leave.

[00:04:46] He can treat you however.

[00:04:47] That is not right.

[00:04:49] You deserve better.

[00:04:50] There are a million red flags in this post.

[00:04:53] Make sure your support system is tight.

[00:04:55] Talk to people about possibly staying with them.

[00:04:57] Put money to the side.

[00:04:59] And then, only when you have a plan, sit him down and tell him that if things don't change,

[00:05:04] you are gone.

[00:05:06] TH3013 and says, how is that not something he felt needed to be discussed with you first?

[00:05:11] I mean, you're married.

[00:05:13] You can't just make unilateral decisions like that.

[00:05:16] He's also been sitting in this for days, maybe weeks before he so graciously told you.

[00:05:21] Right after you fell into the marriage trap.

[00:05:23] This guy sucks, Opie.

[00:05:25] I'm sorry to say that, but get an annulment and raise baby on your own.

[00:05:29] He clearly doesn't see you as an equal.

[00:05:31] Opie says yes, apparently he's been discussing with Ella's mum for weeks about this.

[00:05:36] Nope, I wasn't even aware.

[00:05:39] And Lavender says that's not a marriage.

[00:05:41] Contact a lawyer ASAP.

[00:05:44] Reach out to your friends and family for help.

[00:05:47] So then, the husband came in with a post that said,

[00:05:51] am I the arsehole here for prioritizing my kid over my new wife?

[00:05:56] My wife took it upon herself to write her side yesterday.

[00:05:59] She left to stay with her co-worker to clear her mind before making any decisions.

[00:06:05] Since then, many of my friends have read her post, contacted me and called me a monster.

[00:06:11] Here's my side.

[00:06:13] I'm genuinely wondering if I'm the bad guy here.

[00:06:15] I've been with my wife for the last eight years.

[00:06:18] She got pregnant while we were engaged.

[00:06:20] I suggested having a small courthouse wedding and then a nice party when the baby was born.

[00:06:25] I have a daughter from a previous relationship.

[00:06:29] When her mother was pregnant, she left to stay with her parents across the country.

[00:06:32] I only met her maybe once a year.

[00:06:35] I was never involved in her life.

[00:06:37] Before our courthouse wedding, her mother messaged me that my daughter was moving in with me

[00:06:41] because she was pregnant and thought Ella, my daughter, should be with me.

[00:06:46] When I told my wife after our wedding, she didn't say anything.

[00:06:50] I told her that I was postponing our honeymoon since I couldn't leave my girl,

[00:06:54] who had just moved in and was feeling abandoned.

[00:06:57] Just to go on some trip.

[00:06:59] My wife didn't say anything.

[00:07:01] Since Ella moved in, I've tried my best to make her feel welcome.

[00:07:05] I take her to extracurricular activities.

[00:07:08] She sees a therapist that I take her to and I take her fishing with me.

[00:07:12] My wife has not only been very distant but also decided not to communicate with either of us.

[00:07:17] She hasn't put any effort into connecting with my daughter.

[00:07:21] I speak maybe a few words a day.

[00:07:23] My wife is always quiet, which makes things awkward.

[00:07:26] On top of that, she is jealous of my daughter and expects me to baby her because she is pregnant.

[00:07:32] She suggests crashing, I say no each time, in on any father-daughter activity

[00:07:37] without realizing my kid has been through so much.

[00:07:40] She expects me to come to all her baby appointments.

[00:07:44] I explain that I'm working full-time and do all these extracurricular activities with Ella.

[00:07:48] Plus, she can just show me the ultrasound pictures later.

[00:07:52] It's not like there is anything I can do.

[00:07:54] My presence is not necessary for these appointments.

[00:07:57] Now, here is the thing.

[00:07:59] Am I the arsehole for trying to be there for my child?

[00:08:02] For putting my child first?

[00:08:04] For expecting my wife to be an adult and not expect me to baby her?

[00:08:08] She is using her pregnancy to be emotional and guilt-trip me because she is jealous of a literal child.

[00:08:15] Now, my previous points still stand on this dude.

[00:08:17] He's an arsehole.

[00:08:18] But I found it ironic that he said she hasn't put any effort into connecting with my daughter.

[00:08:24] Doesn't invite the wife to any of these extracurricular activities like taking her to fucking Disney

[00:08:29] and other events at the same time.

[00:08:31] How can you be that clueless?

[00:08:33] Oh my word.

[00:08:34] The chalker says, you're the arsehole dude.

[00:08:36] Making this judgment without reading your wife's post.

[00:08:38] I get that your daughter got dumped on you and you're trying to make sure she's okay.

[00:08:43] Guess what?

[00:08:44] She got dumped on your wife as well.

[00:08:46] And instead of trying to integrate the family, you're freezing your wife out.

[00:08:50] She's quiet and distant because you've isolated her from your little daddy-daughter bubble.

[00:08:55] On top of this, she's pregnant.

[00:08:58] Of course she expects you to come to the baby appointments.

[00:09:00] She's crying out for you to demonstrate any kind of love or affection for her and your second child.

[00:09:05] So yeah, without knowing anything she said in her post, I can see why your friends are calling you out on your bullshit.

[00:09:11] You suck.

[00:09:13] Shot Intention says, yes, you're the arsehole.

[00:09:16] Competent irrespective of anything your wife posted yesterday.

[00:09:19] You're the arsehole.

[00:09:20] Not for putting your child first as you manipulatively try to frame it, but for myriad of other reasons.

[00:09:27] You're the arsehole for not telling your wife prior to the ceremony that your daughter was coming to live with you.

[00:09:32] In fact, you're the arsehole for agreeing to that without talking to your fiancé at the time first.

[00:09:38] You're the arsehole for saying no to your wife crashing your father-daughter activities,

[00:09:42] then claiming your wife has made no effort to connect with your daughter.

[00:09:45] You're the arsehole for creating this my wife and my daughter domestic situation

[00:09:50] and making no effort to actually blend the two parts of your life together.

[00:09:54] You're the arsehole for acting as though attending prenatal appointments is irrelevant if you can't do anything.

[00:10:00] It's about being present, making her feel like she matters, showing her that she's not in this alone.

[00:10:06] It's not as though you've raised a child together.

[00:10:08] She has no way to know how involved or present you'll be once the baby is born.

[00:10:13] You need to show her that the unborn child is also important to you.

[00:10:16] By the way, you might even ask her or your daughter how either of you would feel about her attending,

[00:10:21] if neither are massively uncomfortable with it.

[00:10:24] This would not be a bad thing for an adolescent girl to experience firsthand.

[00:10:28] You're the arsehole for calling the things that matter to your wife silly little things,

[00:10:33] or acting like showing her extra care while she is literally growing a human inside her body is babying her.

[00:10:40] Honestly, you sound like a selfish, inconsiderate prick all around.

[00:10:44] The way you're behaving towards your wife is not love.

[00:10:47] Love is putting another person's needs before your own.

[00:10:50] Try doing that.

[00:10:52] Half-Genie Psycho says,

[00:10:54] You forgot his honeymoon is some trip.

[00:10:57] Port of Bin says,

[00:10:58] You're the arsehole.

[00:10:59] Your wife is expecting your child.

[00:11:01] You have made no effort to make her feel special or wanted.

[00:11:04] You're putting your daughter's needs, understandable, over your wife's, who's also carrying your child's needs.

[00:11:10] Take her to one of your father-daughter outings isn't going to kill you.

[00:11:13] Rather, it will help your daughter and wife bond.

[00:11:16] Frankly, your attitude about your wife, wanting you at a medical appointment and everything in between is just concerning.

[00:11:21] You're making no effort to make your wife comfortable and more importantly, at peace.

[00:11:26] Grow up and act like a husband for once too.

[00:11:29] Opie says,

[00:11:30] I married her.

[00:11:31] Right away.

[00:11:32] Most men walk away.

[00:11:35] I...

[00:11:36] Port of Bin replies and says,

[00:11:38] And what did you do after that?

[00:11:39] Let her be on her own and not pay attention to her at all.

[00:11:43] Opie says,

[00:11:43] You are treating me like I'm a monster and captured the princess lol.

[00:11:47] We love each other.

[00:11:48] Just because I have boundaries and expectations doesn't mean I'm a monster.

[00:11:52] Port of Bin replies saying,

[00:11:53] If you loved each other,

[00:11:55] you would have made the effort of understanding what your wife is going through with or without the pregnancy.

[00:12:00] But then again,

[00:12:00] your comment history shows the kind of person you are.

[00:12:03] It's best for your wife to move on from you because you clearly don't have the maturity to be a decent husband.

[00:12:09] Opie says,

[00:12:09] I do love her and the baby she is carrying.

[00:12:11] Our problem is she likes to be treated like a child and competes with my daughter.

[00:12:16] I expect her to act like an adult.

[00:12:18] I saw people told her in her post to murder my baby.

[00:12:21] No,

[00:12:22] she is not getting an abortion.

[00:12:23] Reddit is toxic sometimes.

[00:12:25] Du denkst,

[00:12:28] Lotto 6 aus 49 ist nicht das Gelbe vom Ei?

[00:12:31] Dann gib doch mal 8, 7, 3, 9, 1 und 3 in einen Taschenrechner ein.

[00:12:37] Und dreh ihn um.

[00:12:39] Na,

[00:12:39] was liest du?

[00:12:40] Ei gelb.

[00:12:41] Kein Witz und ganz sicher auch kein Zufall.

[00:12:45] Wir nehmen dein Glück ernst.

[00:12:46] Lotto 6 aus 49,

[00:12:48] das Original.

[00:12:49] Spielen im Web,

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[00:12:52] Ab 18,

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[00:12:54] Glücksspiel kann süchtig machen.

[00:12:55] Infos und Hilfe auf checkdeinspiel.de

[00:13:00] OP,

[00:13:00] the husband,

[00:13:02] then comes in with her update and says,

[00:13:03] I haven't slept all night.

[00:13:05] 7am in Toronto now and I'm a mess.

[00:13:07] I thought I'd give you an update.

[00:13:10] Some of you called me a troll because you couldn't believe what an insensitive jackass I was.

[00:13:15] Well,

[00:13:15] you weren't wrong.

[00:13:16] Here's the update.

[00:13:18] My wife texted me yesterday saying she found a new place and is planning to talk to a lawyer soon.

[00:13:23] She asked when she could come to pack her stuff.

[00:13:26] I was floored.

[00:13:27] I thought she was kidding or trying to scare me,

[00:13:29] but she wasn't.

[00:13:30] She was very serious.

[00:13:32] She came over with her co-worker,

[00:13:34] Jen.

[00:13:35] I asked her if she could please stay and talk,

[00:13:37] then I'd give her a ride back to her co-worker's place later.

[00:13:40] Her co-worker gave me the dirtiest look and left.

[00:13:43] We talked for hours.

[00:13:45] I'm a monster and a crappy husband.

[00:13:47] She generally has anxiety and pregnancy made it worse than she's been dealing with it alone.

[00:13:53] Apparently,

[00:13:54] there was a scare during an ultrasound,

[00:13:55] and she had a full-blown panic attack.

[00:13:58] She said she was so lonely that the ultrasound tech and nurses had to help her out.

[00:14:03] Luckily,

[00:14:03] further testing showed that the baby is fine.

[00:14:06] I felt sick to my stomach,

[00:14:08] picturing her alone and having a panic attack.

[00:14:10] I asked her why she didn't tell me.

[00:14:12] She said she'd asked me many times to come,

[00:14:15] but each time I either called it stupid or made fun of her for being a big baby.

[00:14:20] She said,

[00:14:50] She looked at me and asked if I was just doing this to expect sex afterwards and trick her into coming back.

[00:14:56] I swore that I would drop her off at her place every time.

[00:15:00] No sleepovers and no expectations.

[00:15:02] Just dinners,

[00:15:03] talking,

[00:15:04] and doing activities like when we were dating.

[00:15:06] She smiled.

[00:15:08] She asked about my daughter,

[00:15:09] and I told her she misses you.

[00:15:11] She said,

[00:15:12] No,

[00:15:13] she doesn't.

[00:15:13] She doesn't even know me.

[00:15:15] I admitted she was right.

[00:15:17] I told her I messed up,

[00:15:18] and hopefully when she's ready,

[00:15:20] she can join us on some outings.

[00:15:21] She said,

[00:15:22] Yeah,

[00:15:23] maybe.

[00:15:24] I drove her back to her co-worker.

[00:15:26] So folks,

[00:15:27] as Doug Ford says to summarize,

[00:15:28] I stayed awake all night.

[00:15:30] I'm disgusted by my actions.

[00:15:32] So that's the update as of now.

[00:15:34] My wife has left me for now,

[00:15:36] and I'm skating on very thin ice.

[00:15:38] Hopefully,

[00:15:39] I'll have a more positive update soon.

[00:15:41] Yes,

[00:15:42] I admitted I was a selfish piece of shit.

[00:15:44] I've been getting DMs suggesting to kill myself.

[00:15:47] I hope my wife miscarries so she'll be free.

[00:15:50] I'm going to stop replying.

[00:15:52] And I feel like the wife is making the right decision at this time,

[00:15:56] and, you know,

[00:15:57] I hope she does stay away.

[00:15:59] It just sounds so,

[00:16:01] so unhealthy.

[00:16:02] I'm hoping that the wife gets to talk to her friends

[00:16:05] and realize how many red flags there is in this relationship.

[00:16:11] The update there just felt like kind of like everything was being said

[00:16:14] to reel her back in,

[00:16:15] almost into that trap again.

[00:16:18] There were some comments on the back of this one.

[00:16:20] Cats Don't Lift Weight says,

[00:16:21] I just caught up with the rest of the posts.

[00:16:23] And if this is a true story,

[00:16:25] she made the right decision,

[00:16:26] and should divorce you.

[00:16:27] During those posts,

[00:16:28] you said nothing good about your wife.

[00:16:30] All you did was complain about her.

[00:16:32] You even went after education and degraded her career.

[00:16:36] You come off as the type of person who has no compassion or empathy

[00:16:39] or any real emotions.

[00:16:40] You fake them for what you want.

[00:16:43] You don't even think your wife needs you at doctor's appointments

[00:16:45] or care enough about your future child to go.

[00:16:48] It's emotionless.

[00:16:49] You just string people along to do what you want.

[00:16:52] If you can't balance a daughter and a wife now,

[00:16:55] then you'll do an even worse job when the baby is born.

[00:16:58] Why should it be called your baby when you do nothing for your wife who's currently carrying that baby?

[00:17:03] She made a big mistake allowing you to steamroller into a quick marriage that you don't have respect for.

[00:17:09] I just hope that she doesn't fall into the trap of giving another chance.

[00:17:13] Because we all know that people like you don't change.

[00:17:16] You'll fake change enough for a few months,

[00:17:18] and then once you feel you have her back again,

[00:17:20] you'll go right back to non-stop disrespecting her.

[00:17:23] That's a story as old as time.

[00:17:27] Lily the Jellyfish says,

[00:17:34] Gord of Bin says,

[00:17:40] you were still the arsehole. You weren't the only one disgusted by what you wrote.

[00:17:45] The post and the responses that followed only had one thing in common. Me and I. My house,

[00:17:52] my expenses, my daughter, my rules, my this, my that. Never once did you talk about your wife in

[00:17:58] an equal partner sense of way. Even though your wife knew about your daughter, you sprung her

[00:18:03] on her. Never once did you find it right to discuss it with her first. Her life was going

[00:18:08] to be impacted by it too. She made every attempt to be close to your daughter, which was stonewalled

[00:18:15] by you. You dismissed your pregnant wife's concerns as being jealous and a baby competing with your

[00:18:20] daughter. The fact that you were so ignorant to your wife's pleas that you totally sent her into

[00:18:25] a downward spiral. Despite all of this, your wife is still willing to give you a chance.

[00:18:31] That right there tells you what an amazing person she is. I hope for your sake you have changed because

[00:18:36] if you haven't, then God help you. Boo Boo says he hasn't changed. He's still lying to her. I hope

[00:18:43] the wife takes him to the cleaners in the divorce. Hopefully he'd be honest with the next one that

[00:18:47] all she is is his bang may slash nanny. That she needs to make sure her birth control never fails

[00:18:53] because he isn't going to take care of her kid. The comments on that one were right, weren't they?

[00:18:58] It does come across as very cold and emotionless. There is sort of no love towards the wife in this at

[00:19:05] all. The fact that she asked him many times to come to like pregnancy appointments and either

[00:19:11] called it stupid or made fun of her for being a big baby, which, you know, relates to the previous

[00:19:16] posts as well and that she needs to be babied all the time. I mean, God forbid someone having a whole

[00:19:22] mix of emotions from anxiety to being scared when you're growing a child inside you, right?

[00:19:29] And you didn't think she needed support, reassurance, love, any kind of assistance to help her through

[00:19:35] that is just fucking bizarre that that doesn't go through your head. And I'm not sure if I have

[00:19:42] forgotten about it or something. I did try to search the post at the same time, but I couldn't find the

[00:19:47] word sorry anywhere in that post at all. Whether that's just the way the post was written or something

[00:19:54] like that. But I always find that very concerning. As I said, the update came across to me as very cold.

[00:20:01] Trying to like reel her back in. And all I can really hope is that the wife is talking to her

[00:20:07] friends and her support and, you know, is going to get some serious advice from them. It seems like

[00:20:12] it sounds like the friends know what this is all about and will hopefully set her on the right track

[00:20:18] here. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:20:25] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you from the bottom

[00:20:31] of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always

[00:20:35] means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being involved. Truly, it's absolutely

[00:20:39] amazing. And don't forget at the very end of the video, there'll be a couple of playlists that you

[00:20:43] can click on and I will automatically scroll through all the videos for you.

[00:20:48] So whatever you're up to, maybe you're painting some Warhammer like some people showed me just

[00:20:53] the other day. You bloody cheeky so-and-sos. I've been looking at Warhammer ever since then.

[00:20:58] Maybe you're doing some drawing, painting, walking, biking. Don't forget to let me know over on

[00:21:03] Twitter at MarkNarration. Send me a picture of what you're up to. Always love to see it. Thank

[00:21:07] you so much. And I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.