I REFUSE To Comfort My Brother After His Wife Cheated On Him r/Relationships

[00:00:01] I'm Lina, a German AI from 1000. Is your company taking the lead in AI innovation? We're 1000, and we built your AI breakthroughs. With our data scientist-led hackathons, we turn AI theory into business value. Customers like Deutz, Mosca and Zeiss love the chemistry they have with 1000, while they stay ahead of the curve and revolutionize their industries. Visit 1000.ai to learn more. Don't just adapt to the future. Shape it. With 1000.

[00:00:38] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:55] Now today's first story comes from the Am I the Arsehole Here subreddit and it's from arteast1674. And it says, Am I the Arsehole Here for not comforting my brother after his wife cheated on him again?

[00:01:09] About nine years ago, my brother's wife left him for another man. She was cheating on him all that time. My brother was devastated. He'd married very young. I was always against it. Had my brother in my apartment for months. He'd fallen into a severe depression and I was the one who paid for a psychologist since he didn't have any money and even lost his job because he didn't even want to move from the couch or bath. I even gave him a bath.

[00:01:36] I wasn't bothered by that. I did everything for my brother. She just left and blocked him from everywhere. She simply confessed to him that she'd been cheating on him for a year and that she was in love with that man. Four years after that, when my brother was finally starting to feel better, she reappeared in everyone's life. The typical thing happened. She and her lover were no longer together. She'd begun to receive psychological help and changed completely. She felt regretful. She was really sorry, etc.

[00:02:06] I told my brother all the time to cut off contact with her for the sake of his mental health. He didn't. I always had a bad feeling and I could smell the shit from afar. He started to justify her past actions all the time by saying that she had changed.

[00:02:21] They were too young. She was having problems, etc. And he got angry when I told him that she's still a bitch. Shortly after that, they got back together and my brother cut off all contact with me because I didn't accept their relationship and he didn't want anyone to come between them.

[00:02:37] I told him to fuck off and we didn't talk anymore. Now my brother has reappeared at my house after years without him wanting to talk to me, only to tell me that his wife cheated on him again. But this time, they have children.

[00:02:50] In the past, I would have let him in, hugged him and everything. But he has gone years without even inviting me to meet his children. He has not even spoke to me to congratulate me on my marriage or my pregnancy.

[00:03:02] I even invited him to my wedding and he didn't come. I told him that at this moment, I can't let him be in my house, which is actually true because I can't have that kind of stress.

[00:03:14] He told me that we are siblings and he needs me. But I told him that I needed him too, but he was never there and he cut me off for that woman.

[00:03:22] I had an argument and my husband ended up kicking him out because I was already crying.

[00:03:27] He's staying with our parents now and my mother just tells me it's not the time to hold a grudge against him and he needs me.

[00:03:33] But I can't forget how he didn't think twice before cutting off all contact with me for her.

[00:03:39] Rude Egg says on the back of this one, not the arsehole. Your brother is an idiot and you know as soon as the ex wants back, he will dump you again.

[00:03:47] Your dad says not the arsehole. It's funny how you can't hold a grudge, but he can be mad.

[00:03:52] Relationships are a two-way street. You were there for him at his lowest and he threw you away for a woman that clearly doesn't care about him.

[00:03:59] What happens if the wife comes back and they get back together? Will he disappear again?

[00:04:05] You have enough self-respect to know that you deserve to be treated better.

[00:04:08] And if he had half the self-respect you had, he wouldn't be in this position.

[00:04:13] Far information says yeah, no. He burned a bridge. This is called the consequences of your actions.

[00:04:20] And he can figure it out. If he wants to consider reparations at some point in the future,

[00:04:25] or seriously consider if it's even worth it.

[00:04:28] Prof Plum Did It says your brother is trying to do the same thing to you as his wife did to him.

[00:04:33] Treat you like shit until he wants something from you.

[00:04:36] His wife never really became a better person or learned from what she did.

[00:04:40] And your brother hasn't learned a damn thing or changed either.

[00:04:43] The fact that he only cares about himself and what he's going through and doesn't give a shit about your needs or well-being

[00:04:48] proves he's nearly as big a piece of shit as his wife.

[00:04:52] Not the arsehole.

[00:04:53] And tell your mum she can deal with his stupid pathetic arse.

[00:04:56] This time because he's not your problem.

[00:05:00] Someone made a comment about going back to exes who's cheated.

[00:05:03] Nope, he says.

[00:05:04] I didn't understand it either.

[00:05:06] But the truth is, is that he'd never gotten over that relationship.

[00:05:09] My brother went back to her because she basically sweetened his ear with things like that she was getting psychological help.

[00:05:15] That she was sorry for everything.

[00:05:17] She even came to tell me that she was really sorry for everything.

[00:05:20] I warned him about that but he just said people can change.

[00:05:24] And she changed.

[00:05:25] They came back and then she got pregnant.

[00:05:28] And there was people saying to the OP that brother needs to get a DNA test done.

[00:05:32] A-S-A-P.

[00:05:33] But OP comes in with an update and says,

[00:05:36] I've spoken to my mother because she kept trying to persuade me to talk to my brother.

[00:05:40] She came to me since I cannot move too much.

[00:05:42] She basically told me that my brother is very sorry.

[00:05:45] And I told her that then he should tell me that and not her.

[00:05:49] But my mother replied that my brother is too embarrassed about his actions.

[00:05:52] But I told her that I'm not going to let her be any kind of mediator.

[00:05:56] And my brother is old enough to speak for himself.

[00:05:58] I know he was sending her to insist that I talk back to him.

[00:06:02] But my brother is an adult and can speak for himself.

[00:06:05] That said, two days ago, my brother came to my house to talk about everything.

[00:06:09] He told me something that I always knew, which is that he never got over his ex-wife.

[00:06:14] And he was totally blind for her.

[00:06:15] He believed that all of us who were against him coming back to her were toxic.

[00:06:20] And he should just cut us out of his life because we were an obstacle that didn't believe people can change.

[00:06:24] So that's what he did with me.

[00:06:26] Block me from his life.

[00:06:28] He said that he feels ashamed of himself for being so blind since she cheated on him again.

[00:06:33] I never told him I told you so, nor am I going to, because he already knows that.

[00:06:39] There were many people worried about whether their children were his, but I can assure everyone that they are.

[00:06:44] They look identical to him, and luckily, she was maybe faithful at that time.

[00:06:49] Anyway, after talking, he apologized to me and told me that he needs me.

[00:06:54] But I told him the same thing as that day.

[00:06:56] I needed him too, and he was never there.

[00:06:59] I forgive him for everything, but that doesn't mean that I want to go back to everything being like before,

[00:07:04] because I don't want to put myself in that situation again.

[00:07:07] He didn't even tell me what he's going to do with his wife, and I don't want the situation to repeat.

[00:07:13] I never did anything expecting something in return, but it did hurt me a lot that he turned his back on me without thinking twice,

[00:07:20] and only came back when things got bad for him.

[00:07:22] I'd invited him to my wedding, maybe foolishly believing that he would come, but he didn't even do that.

[00:07:28] I even kept a seat for him, thinking he was maybe coming late, and I feel really dumb for doing that.

[00:07:34] I told him I'm sorry, but I want things to continue as before, since I got used to not having him in my life,

[00:07:40] and I don't trust that he won't use me as a nurse and therapist anymore.

[00:07:45] At first, he didn't understand it and said that we are siblings and we should be united,

[00:07:49] but when I told him that he forgot that for years, he shut up.

[00:07:54] So that's it. I simply told him that I prefer to continue without contact with him as before,

[00:07:59] and I've made it clear to my mother that I want to spend these months peacefully.

[00:08:03] Maybe some will call me cruel and say I should think about my family,

[00:08:07] but I'm not going to let him treat me like she treated him.

[00:08:11] And I'm glad that OP did stand their ground in this situation.

[00:08:15] It felt like he only wanted her back to use her for support.

[00:08:21] And like OP said, she's pregnant.

[00:08:24] She doesn't need the stress in her life at this moment in time, or at all really.

[00:08:29] OP watched him and supported him for a long time regarding the therapy

[00:08:33] and everything he went through the first time she cheated.

[00:08:35] Brother then turned his back on OP when she very rightly said to cut her off for the sake of his own mental health

[00:08:43] because OP had seen it time and time again.

[00:08:45] But he didn't do that, cut off OP, and I couldn't imagine cutting off a sibling like that.

[00:08:50] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:08:53] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:08:56] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below,

[00:08:59] and let's move on to another story.

[00:09:02] Our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole here subreddit

[00:09:05] with an update from BusyAstralProjecting

[00:09:08] who says Am I the Arsehole here for telling my 23 female, boyfriend 24,

[00:09:13] that it's his fault if he misses our flight and that I'll continue without him.

[00:09:18] My boyfriend and I planned a trip for the end of summer months ago.

[00:09:21] Last night we were still trying to decide how we'd get to the airport,

[00:09:25] but my mum told me that she could take us before work.

[00:09:28] I told my boyfriend who lives 30 minutes from my house to be at my house

[00:09:32] no later than 6am for my mother to drive us to the airport at 6.15.

[00:09:36] He promised that he would be there around 5.45.

[00:09:40] This morning he was nowhere to be seen or heard from until around 6.20.

[00:09:45] He told me that his phone fell and he didn't hear it.

[00:09:48] By then my mum had to leave and just take me or she'd be late to work.

[00:09:52] I told him that he should drive to the airport or get an Uber.

[00:09:56] His mum decides that she will drive him an hour to the airport,

[00:09:59] since he was too late for my mum to take us.

[00:10:01] He gets to the airport a little after me and I check in our bags.

[00:10:05] We go to the bag drop and he realises he does not have his ID.

[00:10:09] His wallet is at his house which is about an hour from the airport.

[00:10:13] I tell him I'm going to continue to TSA and go to the gate.

[00:10:17] His mum is going back to get his wallet, which will obviously take a while.

[00:10:21] I tell him that I'm getting on the flight regardless and that if he misses it,

[00:10:25] then it's a result of his own mishaps.

[00:10:27] He then begins to ask me what to do if he misses it.

[00:10:30] I tell him he's an adult and he should figure out a way to make it to our destination

[00:10:34] by contacting customer service.

[00:10:37] I plan everything for the trip down to the flights and travel arrangements.

[00:10:41] I feel at this point I've done all I can do to ensure a successful and smooth trip

[00:10:45] and I don't feel as if it's my responsibility to do damage control for him if he misses the flight.

[00:10:51] There is no refund for the Airbnb that we split the price for if we do not go.

[00:10:56] Am I the arsehole here for continuing without him?

[00:10:59] I'm Lina, a German AI from 1000.

[00:11:04] Is your company taking the lead in AI innovation?

[00:11:07] We're 1000, and we built your AI breakthroughs.

[00:11:11] With our data scientist-led hackathons, we turn AI theory into business value.

[00:11:16] Customers like Deutz, Mosca and Zeiss love the chemistry they have with 1000,

[00:11:20] while they stay ahead of the curve and revolutionize their industries.

[00:11:24] Visit 1000.ai to learn more.

[00:11:26] Don't just adapt to the future.

[00:11:28] Shape it.

[00:11:30] With 1000.

[00:11:34] Eine Kfz-Versicherung mit fairem Preis-Leistungsverhältnis ist dir wichtig?

[00:11:38] Dann wechsel jetzt zu Allianz.

[00:11:40] Erlebe Top Service und Top Beratung schon ab 99 Euro im Jahr.

[00:11:43] Rund 80% der Schäden werden innerhalb von drei Tagen ausgezahlt.

[00:11:47] Schließe noch heute in der Allianz-Agentur in deiner Nähe ab

[00:11:49] und sichere dir zwei Jahre Preisgarantie.

[00:11:52] Allianz, da für dein Leben.

[00:11:57] I spotted a comment with a reply from the OP because I was thinking about the...

[00:12:00] I always think along these lines as well,

[00:12:02] or reading these stories is like,

[00:12:03] is there a pattern of this kind of behavior?

[00:12:05] The commenter said,

[00:12:07] is he like this in other aspects of life?

[00:12:09] Honestly, it sounds exhausting.

[00:12:11] If so, some time alone will help you gain some perspective.

[00:12:15] Enjoy your trip, alone or otherwise.

[00:12:19] OP says,

[00:12:19] He's often late, which is why I told him an earlier time specifically to avoid that.

[00:12:24] I called him endlessly and he didn't wake up until way after the time we agreed upon.

[00:12:29] His mum had to go to him and wake him up.

[00:12:31] I told her that I was going to leave without him and she said,

[00:12:34] he was up late.

[00:12:36] So was I.

[00:12:37] I already told him that I was getting exhausted of planning literally everything

[00:12:41] and that I want him to begin to take some charge and responsibility.

[00:12:44] And this happens.

[00:12:46] A commenter says,

[00:12:48] Sounds like maybe he should go on a trip with his mum instead,

[00:12:51] since she's so willing to put up with his shit.

[00:12:53] OP says,

[00:12:54] This is a pattern that I've noticed from her repeatedly.

[00:12:56] It's definitely making me reconsider some things now.

[00:13:00] The commenter says,

[00:13:01] It feels like you are mothering him,

[00:13:03] since you need to keep on calling him to wake up and keep up with the itinerary for the trip.

[00:13:07] Does he always need to keep on relying on people to remind him?

[00:13:11] OP says,

[00:13:12] He has overslept and been late for different things on multiple occasions.

[00:13:16] He does work hard.

[00:13:17] He used to work night shifts, so I let it slide.

[00:13:20] But he did not work yesterday and took a nap during the day.

[00:13:23] For context, I didn't take a nap.

[00:13:26] Did errands all day and stayed up late for online class.

[00:13:29] Still woke up on time.

[00:13:31] Someone says to OP,

[00:13:33] Get on that plane.

[00:13:34] OP says,

[00:13:35] I'm going to board.

[00:13:36] When we were checking our bags,

[00:13:38] he asked me how to put the bag tag on.

[00:13:40] Oh dear.

[00:13:41] At that point,

[00:13:42] I was over it and already decided I'm taking this vacation,

[00:13:46] with him or not.

[00:13:47] He's actually leaving for marine boot camp on September 3rd,

[00:13:51] which is why we planned the trip.

[00:13:53] And OP then clarifies, saying,

[00:13:55] I have ADHD as well,

[00:13:56] so I understand.

[00:13:57] I forget where I put a hair clip that's in my hair.

[00:14:00] I tell him to set multiple alarms all the time,

[00:14:02] and he has an Apple watch that's never charged.

[00:14:05] To another commenter,

[00:14:06] OP says,

[00:14:07] I have ADHD,

[00:14:07] so I completely understand.

[00:14:09] The issue with that is,

[00:14:10] he doesn't really advocate for himself.

[00:14:12] He struggled with mental health issues,

[00:14:14] and refused to go to therapy.

[00:14:16] He has cystic acne,

[00:14:18] and only this year saw a dermatologist,

[00:14:20] because I called around places in our state,

[00:14:23] until I found someone that would schedule an appointment.

[00:14:26] The commenter says to OP,

[00:14:27] not the arsehole,

[00:14:28] please update us as to whether or not he made the flight.

[00:14:31] OP says,

[00:14:32] he's currently asking me the gate number.

[00:14:34] I already told him.

[00:14:35] I told him to download the app,

[00:14:37] and gave him the confirmation number.

[00:14:38] He told me to stop making it harder for him.

[00:14:43] The commenter replies to OP,

[00:14:44] saying,

[00:14:45] did you reply,

[00:14:45] stop making it harder for me?

[00:14:47] OP says,

[00:14:48] I put my phone on airplane mode,

[00:14:50] as the pilot directed.

[00:14:52] The commenter says,

[00:14:52] how do I say this gently?

[00:14:54] What are his redeeming qualities?

[00:14:57] OP says,

[00:14:58] he's very kind,

[00:14:59] loving,

[00:14:59] respectful,

[00:14:59] and will provide just about anything morally,

[00:15:02] or materially that I need.

[00:15:04] But,

[00:15:05] considering whether that's enough now.

[00:15:07] Commenter says,

[00:15:08] did he make the plane?

[00:15:09] OP says,

[00:15:10] no.

[00:15:11] Coming later tonight,

[00:15:12] on another.

[00:15:13] To another commenter,

[00:15:14] OP says,

[00:15:14] lol,

[00:15:15] he didn't make the flight,

[00:15:16] but he's on another one later tonight.

[00:15:17] I also was really beginning to enjoy the idea of going alone.

[00:15:22] The commenter says,

[00:15:23] best part of the story was,

[00:15:24] my boyfriend,

[00:15:25] not my fiance.

[00:15:26] Keep him if you want,

[00:15:27] but how long do you want to give him enough time to grow up?

[00:15:31] OP responded,

[00:15:32] saying,

[00:15:32] that's true.

[00:15:33] We've been discussing marriage for a while.

[00:15:35] I'm going to reverse that discussion later today.

[00:15:38] And to another,

[00:15:38] OP says,

[00:15:39] well,

[00:15:40] we're on the trip together for five days.

[00:15:42] He's arriving later,

[00:15:42] and I don't want to sour the rest of the time.

[00:15:45] But once we return,

[00:15:46] I will make an important decision.

[00:15:49] 16 hours later,

[00:15:50] OP says,

[00:15:50] he's here.

[00:15:51] I told him,

[00:15:52] I don't want to talk about it tonight.

[00:15:54] The next day,

[00:15:56] OP says,

[00:15:56] there's no bad vibes.

[00:15:57] We had a conversation,

[00:15:58] and he agreed with my concerns.

[00:16:00] Then,

[00:16:01] OP has an update,

[00:16:03] four days later.

[00:16:06] OP says,

[00:16:07] this is long,

[00:16:08] but asked for.

[00:16:09] Skip the first body of text,

[00:16:11] if you read the original post.

[00:16:12] Which we will do,

[00:16:14] and skip a paragraph.

[00:16:15] OP says,

[00:16:16] during the trip,

[00:16:16] there were multiple instances,

[00:16:18] that solidified the feelings,

[00:16:19] that were already looming.

[00:16:21] Outbursts of anger,

[00:16:22] that were followed by,

[00:16:23] childlike behaviors,

[00:16:24] and excuses.

[00:16:25] When confronted,

[00:16:26] there were only excuses,

[00:16:27] and lack of accountability.

[00:16:29] All followed by,

[00:16:30] but I'm trying so hard.

[00:16:32] What am I doing wrong?

[00:16:33] Despite the issue,

[00:16:34] being directly explained.

[00:16:36] He lost his debit card,

[00:16:37] and despite my efforts,

[00:16:38] and tracing his steps,

[00:16:39] calling businesses we visited,

[00:16:41] and everything,

[00:16:42] he stormed off ahead of me,

[00:16:43] enraged,

[00:16:44] leaving me behind,

[00:16:45] walking alone on the street.

[00:16:46] When I explained,

[00:16:48] why that bothered me,

[00:16:49] and was unacceptable,

[00:16:50] he came with more excuses,

[00:16:51] and rambling about,

[00:16:52] how he didn't mean for it to happen,

[00:16:54] but still did it.

[00:16:55] While walking to different restaurants,

[00:16:57] he cussed at men,

[00:16:58] who'd even look at me,

[00:17:00] stare them down,

[00:17:01] and almost cause a scene.

[00:17:02] He misplaced his wallet,

[00:17:04] before dinner,

[00:17:04] and acted in the same rageful manner,

[00:17:06] cussing,

[00:17:07] slamming things,

[00:17:08] throwing items around,

[00:17:09] instead of calmly looking for his wallet.

[00:17:11] I sat there in disbelief,

[00:17:13] as this behavior,

[00:17:14] had not been something I'd seen before.

[00:17:16] I told him that this was unattractive,

[00:17:19] and demonstrated a lack of control,

[00:17:21] and emotional maturity.

[00:17:22] More excuses.

[00:17:24] There are probably more examples,

[00:17:25] that I could use,

[00:17:26] but they're fleeing my mind.

[00:17:28] It's the night before departure.

[00:17:30] I'm in tears.

[00:17:31] It started at the beach.

[00:17:32] We decided to take a night swim.

[00:17:34] All was well,

[00:17:35] until we lost his ring in the ocean.

[00:17:38] Luckily,

[00:17:38] I was right next to him,

[00:17:40] so I was able to quickly use my hands and grab it.

[00:17:42] He got out to put it in the sand.

[00:17:44] Smart, right?

[00:17:46] Once we were done,

[00:17:47] he got upset that I sent his mom a video of him dancing.

[00:17:50] I walked away,

[00:17:51] because I didn't want to hear it.

[00:17:53] He then called me back,

[00:17:54] to tell me that he lost his ring in the sand.

[00:17:56] We look for the ring.

[00:17:58] By we,

[00:17:59] I mean me,

[00:17:59] on my hands and knees,

[00:18:00] and him walking around with a flashlight.

[00:18:03] I finally find it.

[00:18:04] We begin to walk back to the room.

[00:18:06] I say,

[00:18:07] can I say something serious?

[00:18:08] I'm beginning to feel like your mother sometimes,

[00:18:11] keeping track of your things and helping you do damage control.

[00:18:14] He responds with a lot.

[00:18:16] How I didn't have to help him.

[00:18:18] How I don't acknowledge everything he's been doing.

[00:18:21] Like calling Ubers and paying for things.

[00:18:23] How I'm not like his mom,

[00:18:24] and how he didn't ask me to do anything.

[00:18:27] In anger,

[00:18:27] I tell him,

[00:18:28] fuck you,

[00:18:29] and walk away.

[00:18:30] Yes,

[00:18:31] I know this is unkind,

[00:18:32] and I did apologize for my behavior later.

[00:18:35] I walk to the room alone.

[00:18:37] He begs to talk to me when he gets there,

[00:18:39] and I don't want to.

[00:18:40] I shower and tell him one thing.

[00:18:42] This trip has really made me reconsider whether I want to be in the relationship.

[00:18:46] He goes berserk,

[00:18:48] begging me please to talk to him,

[00:18:50] saying that I don't acknowledge all the good he's doing,

[00:18:52] on and on.

[00:18:54] I tell him that I don't wish to have the conversation,

[00:18:56] don't wish to be touched,

[00:18:58] and want to be left alone.

[00:18:59] Here,

[00:19:00] I also apologize for my rude words,

[00:19:02] without making excuses.

[00:19:04] He tells me I'm always rude.

[00:19:06] Prior to dating,

[00:19:06] I did use harsh words when

[00:19:08] he showed up to my house unexpectedly,

[00:19:10] and demonstrated other signs of emotional immaturity,

[00:19:13] and ignored my wishes.

[00:19:15] He begins to try and hug me.

[00:19:17] I tell him to get off of me.

[00:19:18] He continues to touch me as I try to lay down in the bed,

[00:19:21] trying to hug and hold my hand.

[00:19:23] Here,

[00:19:24] I break down in tears.

[00:19:25] I run into the bathroom and begin to sob.

[00:19:27] I come out,

[00:19:28] and he's continually crying and begging me to talk to him.

[00:19:31] He begins to raise his voice and make a scene.

[00:19:34] I run to grab the pullout bed from the closet to sleep on.

[00:19:37] He blocks me and pushes the bed,

[00:19:39] telling me I don't need it.

[00:19:40] I get increasingly agitated because I'm being blocked,

[00:19:43] and tell him to move out of my way and leave me alone.

[00:19:46] He doesn't,

[00:19:46] and protests by sitting on the pullout bed.

[00:19:49] I rip the comforter off the actual bed,

[00:19:51] and make a bed on the floor.

[00:19:52] He takes the blanket and pillows from under me,

[00:19:55] saying he wouldn't let me sleep on the floor.

[00:19:57] He continues to yell in my ear for me to get up,

[00:19:59] that he loves me,

[00:20:00] put everything behind us,

[00:20:01] while he keeps pulling the pillow that I reclaimed.

[00:20:04] He's finally left me alone on the floor,

[00:20:06] leaving for the airport in three hours.

[00:20:11] OP adds a comment to clarify,

[00:20:13] saying,

[00:20:13] I was thinking about changing my flight honestly.

[00:20:15] I'm still trying to figure out the logistics of a breakup,

[00:20:18] like how and when that could happen.

[00:20:21] After OP checked on other flights,

[00:20:23] OP says,

[00:20:23] The flight we have is the earliest of the day.

[00:20:25] There are others,

[00:20:26] but no confirmed seats.

[00:20:28] Only standby.

[00:20:29] The commenter says to OP,

[00:20:31] That's only going to escalate in future arguments.

[00:20:34] Get home safe please,

[00:20:35] and never see this man again.

[00:20:38] OP says,

[00:20:39] It's concerning because the type of rage that was ignited in me

[00:20:41] is a type that has only come out with past exes.

[00:20:44] Being concerned that my personal space violated

[00:20:47] is something I just cannot do at all.

[00:20:49] I will say that I did try to push him out of the way.

[00:20:52] Maybe I shouldn't have,

[00:20:53] and raised my voice because I was afraid

[00:20:55] that his yelling would get us kicked out.

[00:20:57] A reservation has a quiet hours policy.

[00:21:00] Someone says to OP about

[00:21:01] getting the hell out of where you were staying.

[00:21:03] OP says,

[00:21:04] I was thinking about this.

[00:21:05] The Airbnb is under my name.

[00:21:07] I already know that I can't really trust him

[00:21:09] with following the closing procedures,

[00:21:11] so I'm worried about incurring a fee

[00:21:13] that if he leaves something incomplete.

[00:21:15] Also, if I get up now,

[00:21:16] I know he will try to prevent me from leaving.

[00:21:19] The commenter says,

[00:21:20] You had every right to express your anger and frustration.

[00:21:22] Women are raised from girlhood to

[00:21:24] be nice and get along and keep the peace.

[00:21:27] The time for that is over.

[00:21:28] It's now fuck this shit time.

[00:21:30] Stop being nice.

[00:21:31] Be blunt.

[00:21:32] Be rude if you have to.

[00:21:33] You need to get him the hell away from you,

[00:21:35] and you need to never believe his sniveling

[00:21:37] I'm trying bullshit again.

[00:21:40] OP says,

[00:21:41] I told him fuck you earlier.

[00:21:42] When I told him that,

[00:21:43] I felt like I was his mom,

[00:21:44] and he said,

[00:21:45] you didn't have to help me look for the ring.

[00:21:47] I just asked for help.

[00:21:48] He said I was rude,

[00:21:50] and that he would never speak to me like that,

[00:21:52] and that his friends tell him to leave me

[00:21:54] because of how rude I always am to him.

[00:21:56] He also called me rude because I left the room

[00:21:58] and had the key,

[00:21:59] and he had to get someone else to let him in.

[00:22:03] The commenter says,

[00:22:03] If you feel unsafe,

[00:22:05] record a future conversation

[00:22:06] and send it to his mom.

[00:22:08] OP says,

[00:22:09] I just thought of this hours later,

[00:22:11] although I do feel like it will not change anything.

[00:22:14] When he walked away from me the other day,

[00:22:16] I told her,

[00:22:16] and she told me to

[00:22:17] just be happy with him

[00:22:19] and be in love and work things out.

[00:22:20] She makes excuses for him constantly.

[00:22:23] The commenter says,

[00:22:24] When I read your first post,

[00:22:25] I was concerned.

[00:22:26] He sounded like a teenage gamer.

[00:22:28] But during the holiday,

[00:22:29] he was very aggressive.

[00:22:31] Time to get out.

[00:22:32] Just block him on everything.

[00:22:34] Why I talked about talking to his mom

[00:22:35] was because

[00:22:36] she enabled his behavior for his entire life.

[00:22:39] She knows what he's like.

[00:22:41] OP responds saying,

[00:22:42] Yeah.

[00:22:43] There was an instance recently

[00:22:44] when he went to a soccer game

[00:22:45] where he was aggressive.

[00:22:46] He had drinks,

[00:22:47] and some guy was bumping into him.

[00:22:49] I was sober and believed it wasn't intentional.

[00:22:51] I witnessed the entire thing,

[00:22:53] but he swore the guy was bumping him on purpose.

[00:22:55] It was a crowded game,

[00:22:57] and we were exiting.

[00:22:58] Everyone was touching someone.

[00:23:00] He began to heavily body check the guy back

[00:23:02] with extreme force.

[00:23:03] He went to the bathroom,

[00:23:05] and the guy came up to me

[00:23:06] and told me that my boyfriend

[00:23:06] is going to meet the wrong person one day.

[00:23:09] So embarrassing.

[00:23:10] I should have audio taped.

[00:23:12] I feel stupid now.

[00:23:14] However,

[00:23:14] I feel like she would definitely

[00:23:16] make an excuse for him nonetheless.

[00:23:19] Someone says to OP,

[00:23:20] why did you start dating someone

[00:23:22] who couldn't be respectful

[00:23:23] even before you were dating?

[00:23:26] OP says he wasn't like this before.

[00:23:27] The aggression is something

[00:23:28] I haven't witnessed.

[00:23:30] Commenter replies saying,

[00:23:32] I meant the showing up unexpectedly

[00:23:33] and ignoring your wishes.

[00:23:35] What got you past the red flags

[00:23:37] and into this?

[00:23:38] I'm not trying to be mean.

[00:23:39] Just understand.

[00:23:41] OP says,

[00:23:42] I guess the apologies

[00:23:43] in giving the benefit of the doubt.

[00:23:44] As so many people were upset

[00:23:46] that I didn't give him

[00:23:47] in my initial post.

[00:23:48] I do like to give a first

[00:23:50] and a second chance.

[00:23:51] I'm not perfect

[00:23:52] and don't expect my partners to be.

[00:23:54] He apologized for the previous behavior

[00:23:56] and made certain strides in areas,

[00:23:57] but obviously

[00:23:58] not the ones that matter the most.

[00:24:01] Someone says,

[00:24:01] serious question.

[00:24:02] Is he an alcoholic?

[00:24:03] He dated one

[00:24:04] and on a mini vacation

[00:24:06] he acted just like this.

[00:24:07] A petulant child

[00:24:09] or has he just

[00:24:10] weaponized immaturity?

[00:24:12] OP says in the past

[00:24:13] he used to use alcohol

[00:24:14] to self-medicate

[00:24:15] and deal with emotions.

[00:24:16] On one instance,

[00:24:18] his mom had to drive

[00:24:19] to his Apple location

[00:24:21] and found him drunk

[00:24:22] asleep in a car

[00:24:22] outside a friend's house

[00:24:23] when he promised her

[00:24:24] he'd be home soon.

[00:24:26] I'm not sure if the frequency

[00:24:27] or the amount of his drinking

[00:24:28] would warrant

[00:24:29] a formal diagnosis

[00:24:30] of alcoholism,

[00:24:30] but both of his parents

[00:24:32] had issues with alcohol

[00:24:33] during his entire childhood.

[00:24:35] His mom says

[00:24:36] that he always gets

[00:24:37] like that when he drinks as well.

[00:24:39] We don't drink together

[00:24:40] often as a couple,

[00:24:41] but when we do,

[00:24:42] this has never happened before.

[00:24:44] We've just gone to clubs

[00:24:45] and had fun.

[00:24:48] So a few hours later,

[00:24:49] a mini update comes in

[00:24:50] and says I'm at the airport now.

[00:24:52] When I left,

[00:24:52] he was asleep.

[00:24:53] He hasn't messaged me

[00:24:54] or read my text

[00:24:55] and his location isn't moving,

[00:24:57] so I'm assuming

[00:24:57] he's still asleep.

[00:24:59] Boarding in 10 minutes.

[00:25:01] Several hours later,

[00:25:03] OP says,

[00:25:04] I left for the airport alone.

[00:25:05] When I left,

[00:25:06] he was asleep.

[00:25:07] When I boarded the plane,

[00:25:08] he texts me saying

[00:25:09] that I should have woken him up

[00:25:10] so that he didn't miss the flight.

[00:25:11] He said that I should have

[00:25:12] at least woken him up

[00:25:14] because apparently

[00:25:14] his phone was on silent.

[00:25:17] A relevant comment

[00:25:18] from the OP says,

[00:25:19] He actually overslept

[00:25:20] because I left

[00:25:20] while he was sleeping

[00:25:21] to get to the airport.

[00:25:22] He missed the flight.

[00:25:24] I sent him a text

[00:25:25] explaining everything

[00:25:26] and did let her know

[00:25:27] to not come to my house

[00:25:28] or I will call the police.

[00:25:30] Another few hours later,

[00:25:31] OP says,

[00:25:32] Thank you.

[00:25:33] He's currently texting my mom

[00:25:34] long paragraphs

[00:25:35] trying to explain his behavior.

[00:25:37] I told her to ignore him.

[00:25:40] And OP then clarifies

[00:25:41] if she actually did

[00:25:42] break up with him.

[00:25:43] OP says,

[00:25:44] I did it via text.

[00:25:46] OP gives another

[00:25:47] further update and says,

[00:25:48] Hey,

[00:25:48] thanks for your support.

[00:25:49] We did break up.

[00:25:50] He's leaving in a week.

[00:25:52] To a different commenter,

[00:25:53] OP says,

[00:25:54] OP here.

[00:25:54] I did break up

[00:25:55] with him via text.

[00:25:56] I told him not to contact

[00:25:57] my parents

[00:25:58] or come to our home.

[00:25:59] He did both the next day.

[00:26:01] Texting my mom

[00:26:02] and leaving flowers

[00:26:03] at my doorstep.

[00:26:04] He's continually telling me

[00:26:05] he will seek therapy

[00:26:06] and that I'm the only woman

[00:26:08] he still loves.

[00:26:10] OP says,

[00:26:11] I finished the cleanup tasks

[00:26:12] before I left

[00:26:13] and while he was asleep.

[00:26:15] About the ex's job.

[00:26:17] He was fired twice

[00:26:18] for tardiness

[00:26:18] from Walmart

[00:26:19] and a warehouse.

[00:26:21] And regarding the ex's mom,

[00:26:23] OP says,

[00:26:23] his mother actually told him

[00:26:25] that he should move on

[00:26:25] and find someone

[00:26:26] who doesn't fight

[00:26:27] with him all the time.

[00:26:28] I told her initially

[00:26:29] that his behavior

[00:26:30] was abusive

[00:26:30] and she agreed

[00:26:31] that he sounded

[00:26:32] like his dad,

[00:26:33] her ex-husband.

[00:26:34] Physically,

[00:26:35] sexually,

[00:26:36] verbally

[00:26:36] and emotionally abusive.

[00:26:38] I told her

[00:26:39] that I wouldn't even

[00:26:39] consider him

[00:26:40] in the future

[00:26:40] unless he sought therapy

[00:26:42] and that I had concerns

[00:26:43] about him passing boot camp.

[00:26:45] She told me that therapy

[00:26:46] makes your brain sick

[00:26:48] and that you should find

[00:26:49] someone who believes in him.

[00:26:51] But now,

[00:26:51] I'm going to turn this one

[00:26:53] to you guys.

[00:26:54] What do you guys make

[00:26:55] of this situation?

[00:26:57] How would you have dealt

[00:26:58] with it if it was you?

[00:26:59] Let us know your thoughts

[00:27:01] down in the comments below.

[00:27:03] Just a huge thank you

[00:27:04] from the bottom of my heart

[00:27:05] for getting involved

[00:27:06] in today's stories.

[00:27:07] Your love,

[00:27:08] your support,

[00:27:08] your time always means

[00:27:09] the absolute world to me.

[00:27:10] So thank you so,

[00:27:11] so much.

[00:27:11] And hopefully,

[00:27:12] I'll see you

[00:27:13] in the next one.

[00:27:14] Take care

[00:27:15] and much love.

[00:27:44] I'm Lina,

[00:27:45] a German AI from 1000.

[00:27:47] Is your company

[00:27:48] taking the lead

[00:27:48] in AI innovation?

[00:27:50] We're 1000

[00:27:51] and we built

[00:27:52] your AI breakthroughs.

[00:27:53] With our data

[00:27:54] scientist-led hackathons,

[00:27:56] we turn AI theory

[00:27:57] into business value.

[00:27:58] Customers like Deutz,

[00:28:00] Mosca and Zeiss

[00:28:01] love the chemistry

[00:28:01] they have with 1000

[00:28:02] while they stay ahead

[00:28:03] of the curve

[00:28:04] and revolutionize

[00:28:05] their industries.

[00:28:06] Visit 1000.ai to learn more.

[00:28:09] Don't just adapt

[00:28:10] to the future.

[00:28:11] Shape it.

[00:28:12] With 1000.