I REFUSE To Be Maid Of Honor At My Sister's Wedding, As She's Marrying My Bully r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:38] I'm not going to be the maid of honor for my sister's wedding because she's marrying my bully. And this one has a trigger warning on it for self harm. Feel free to skip the story. It'll probably be the last story of the video. So absolutely up to you. Yeah, pretty much the title. This will be long because while God in her wisdom plagued me with empathy to the tits and a hell of a good ass.

[00:01:02] She forgot to bless me with brevity. I lurk on subs like this all the time and see comments to long posts lamenting their whys in mind, having spent actual whole minutes voluntarily reading a long post, longing for those moments back. So here's your warning. Don't be a twat waffle. Pass over me if you've not the time or desire to hear my tale of woe. I will rant. As you might notice, I'm the snarky one. I've four older brothers and one twin sister.

[00:01:32] My sister, Violet. She and I are both female 31. We are an oops baby. And then the what the fuck babies when mom found out her oops baby came with a spare. For all intents and purposes, I am the spare. My parents did want a girl. They wanted a girl. Big difference.

[00:01:51] Mom tells the story often that Violet came out easily. Hardly any labor, but Lily was troubled the moment she was born. So over time, I was just like, fuck it. I'm the trouble. Then I aim to misbehave.

[00:02:05] We're not identical and Violet is absolutely beautiful, feminine, bright and bubbly. She's goddamn Jean Grey of the X-Men practically.

[00:02:14] I'm more of Rogue. Not the classic one, more like the cartoon reboot in the 2000s when they made them all teens and Rogue were standoffish, self-sabotaging and goth.

[00:02:24] I'm only goth on Tuesdays, but I did have a streak of time where I self-sabotaged. Teen years were a bitch, am I right? And when you're the less favorite girl of six kids, eight if you count the dogs, your self-esteem tends to tank.

[00:02:39] Violet was the first to everything. First to walk, talk, all that shit, according to my parents.

[00:02:46] But then she became the first to date. The first to get awards, do a show. And hey, it's because she's kick-ass.

[00:02:52] My sister is the most brilliant woman I know after my mom. I'm not kidding when I say I look up to her a lot.

[00:02:59] She's almost effortlessly everything people like and I was always just a little ray of sunshine.

[00:03:04] I guess I am the first of us to on a few things. First to get diagnoses with a learning disability.

[00:03:09] And first to get arrested. I am actually sort of proud of that one, but we're not here to talk about that.

[00:03:15] The first in the family to get what dad called a stress stutter.

[00:03:19] I do have a mild stutter, but I can manage fine unless under a lot of duress.

[00:03:24] So hey, she's not the best at everything, right?

[00:03:27] We were really close and I didn't really notice us drifting apart truly until high school and by then had my own problems.

[00:03:34] One being fucking Daniel Swift. Fake name.

[00:03:38] This sloppy knob was always picking on me.

[00:03:41] He and his crew made school and community events absolute hell for me since grade school.

[00:03:46] When we were young, most adults said that it was because he liked me.

[00:03:50] But by the end of middle school, it was real clear the dude hated my guts.

[00:03:54] He always compared me to my sister and had to point out how inferior I was.

[00:03:59] Even when we were small, he'd be so confused as to if we are twins.

[00:04:03] Why is one of you pretty and the other isn't?

[00:04:05] By middle school, he had a name for me.

[00:04:08] It's to do with my in real life names.

[00:04:10] So let's save for this, it's Lumpy Lily.

[00:04:12] Just a name to remind me that I was fat.

[00:04:15] Looking back, I know I wasn't.

[00:04:17] Puberty hit me fast and hard and boom, baby got back.

[00:04:21] He was relentless and his friends were too.

[00:04:24] I told on him once because a teacher found me crying as I was forcing myself to throw up in the bathroom during practice.

[00:04:30] I don't know how, but he managed to turn it around on me saying I was bullying him and his friends vouched for him.

[00:04:36] So I got suspended from the team during the season and had to write an apology letter in detention.

[00:04:42] He once slapped me and I went to tell, but he denied it saying I punched him in the stomach.

[00:04:46] And he turned on waterworks and his friends say they saw me hit him and call him a loser.

[00:04:52] My parents were so upset with me and my dad had to leave work to pick me up.

[00:04:56] He didn't believe me at all that I didn't do these things.

[00:04:59] He would rant that I'm not the only kid and I need to stop being so much trouble.

[00:05:03] So I shut down, kept my head down and didn't bother to say anything.

[00:05:08] He called me the defective one, the spare, the botched clone.

[00:05:12] Everything he could think of.

[00:05:14] Some were admittedly clever, but all were cruel.

[00:05:17] When Daniel picked on me, I would ignore him and if I couldn't, I'd just endure it.

[00:05:22] Senior year, he wasn't around much and I heard his mum died.

[00:05:26] It was the first year I was without his constant teasing and it was the best year of my life.

[00:05:31] I feel terrible, but I was so glad he wasn't there, even if it was because of something so awful.

[00:05:37] I myself could never imagine enduring the loss of a mum.

[00:05:41] I got into some hobbies, even made a good friend, Sunny, now female 31.

[00:05:47] Well, you made it past the prologue.

[00:05:49] Good work.

[00:05:50] So here's the actual issue.

[00:05:52] Fast forward to now.

[00:05:53] I live in a state over and have my main job as an educator.

[00:05:56] I love what I do.

[00:05:58] It feels good most of the time, but hey, this ain't Disney.

[00:06:02] Sometimes being a teacher sucks raw rotten eggs in the summer heat, to be sure.

[00:06:06] But I get to be the adult I wish I had in the room when I was young.

[00:06:10] Sunny lives the city over from me, which in all honesty is a mere 20 minute drive in traffic.

[00:06:14] So we see each other often.

[00:06:17] She's easily my best friend.

[00:06:19] Violet and I are still close and same with my brothers, but we're all 30 plus.

[00:06:23] Now some with kids and spouses and full ass lives.

[00:06:27] So we don't talk much.

[00:06:28] Violet and I would have calls and sometimes FaceTimes.

[00:06:31] My sister is incredible.

[00:06:33] She became a nurse, but quickly realized she wanted to be a nurse practitioner.

[00:06:37] And now she is out there helping people in need by donating most of her time outside of work

[00:06:41] at the shelter in our hometown.

[00:06:43] She looks after our parents and makes sure they have all they need.

[00:06:46] She owns a house, has an Etsy business, a blog, hell, a TikTok.

[00:06:50] She's kicking ass and I couldn't be prouder.

[00:06:53] Last year she was all excited because she thought she found the one.

[00:06:57] She called him James.

[00:06:59] Every picture of him, he's this big ex-military dude with tats and a beard

[00:07:03] and those douchey big sunglasses some guys never take off to save their lives.

[00:07:07] You know the ones.

[00:07:09] No shade if you do that too, but if you also own a truck as well and have a

[00:07:13] come and take it sticker on it.

[00:07:15] A teensy bit of shade.

[00:07:17] Because James did.

[00:07:19] What?

[00:07:19] You think I wasn't going to cyberstalk my only sister's The One?

[00:07:23] The fuck out of here.

[00:07:25] I stalked the shit out of him.

[00:07:26] He had no socials other than a LinkedIn.

[00:07:29] Former Marine.

[00:07:30] Then contracted himself out before owning his own full-time business consulting.

[00:07:35] I was happy for my sister because she really was the woman who had everything.

[00:07:39] But what she wanted was to fall in love and have that chicken flick romance when you kiss

[00:07:44] and your leg pops up and get married, have babies, ride off into the sunset,

[00:07:49] get kissed in the rain and all that sappy crap.

[00:07:51] I get it.

[00:07:52] And my sleuthing came up with nothing to naysay James.

[00:07:55] And I wasn't going to yuck her yum on her taste in dudes

[00:07:58] because my bias of living in a state with dude bros who love their trucks and shades

[00:08:02] more than life itself.

[00:08:04] Fuck it.

[00:08:05] She's happy.

[00:08:06] So this past Easter rolled around and I was talking with Violet about how excited I was

[00:08:11] to be around her and the boys and again.

[00:08:13] And she mentioned that she was bringing James.

[00:08:16] I don't remember what I said, but I said something about being excited to finally meet this guy

[00:08:20] since dad and our eldest brother already have and said he's a stand-up dude.

[00:08:24] She got quiet and kind of had the tone like, yeah, about that.

[00:08:29] So I paused to ask what was wrong.

[00:08:32] She said she needed to talk to me because James is my old crush from school.

[00:08:36] I was confused because while I was close with my siblings, I never talked about crushes with

[00:08:41] most of them and definitely not Violet.

[00:08:44] It just wasn't what we talked about.

[00:08:46] I said, I don't remember crushing on James.

[00:08:49] And that's when she said that he went by his middle name, Daniel in school.

[00:08:54] Now, Daniel's in real life name is pretty common.

[00:08:56] So I was like, well, I don't remember a Daniel I crushed on, but which one do you mean?

[00:09:01] And we narrowed it down to that soggy twatsicle.

[00:09:06] Oh, you're away with words, OP.

[00:09:08] I love it.

[00:09:09] There wasn't much to say after that other than I never had a crush on him.

[00:09:13] She was relieved to hear that.

[00:09:15] She said she actually didn't realize James and Daniel were one and the same herself until

[00:09:19] he brought it up on like the fourth date or something.

[00:09:22] And then she felt bad.

[00:09:24] But by then she was already developing feelings and couldn't bear the thought of hurting me

[00:09:28] nor walking away from her chance at love.

[00:09:31] I decided to tell her a bit at Easter and I did pull her aside before he arrived.

[00:09:35] As we all stayed the night before over the parents house, I told her most of what I've

[00:09:40] now told you.

[00:09:41] This guy made my life hell.

[00:09:43] Violet was devastated and she kept saying, you sure it's him?

[00:09:47] And that was years ago.

[00:09:49] Maybe you've got it wrong.

[00:09:50] To the point that I got frustrated and sort of gave up.

[00:09:54] Easter was tense, but Daniel did say hi to me like, long time no see.

[00:09:58] Remember me.

[00:09:59] And I just said, oh, I do.

[00:10:01] And kept my distance.

[00:10:03] From then on, it was a dance.

[00:10:05] Mother's Day, Father's Day, Mum and Dad's anniversary.

[00:10:08] A brother's birthday.

[00:10:09] You get it.

[00:10:10] Good old Daniel was around.

[00:10:12] By this point, I told two of my brothers some of what's happening because they had scolded

[00:10:16] me for being standoffish around him.

[00:10:18] And they assumed I was pissy about Daniel taking my only sister.

[00:10:23] Once they knew though, they weren't happy.

[00:10:26] We all got together again for Juneteenth and of course, dandy Daniel was there.

[00:10:30] But by this time, Violet had a ring.

[00:10:32] My mother screamed with excitement, whooping through the restaurant telling any and everyone

[00:10:38] her baby girl is getting married.

[00:10:40] When the parents went home, a sibling's bar hopped the main street in the city to catch

[00:10:44] parts of the parade.

[00:10:46] Violet pulled me aside and inquired why I was avoiding her.

[00:10:49] And I just said, I'm happy for her if it makes her happy.

[00:10:51] She's my sister.

[00:10:53] I would die for her.

[00:10:54] It's just complicated that he's my bully from school and I don't want to be around him.

[00:10:58] She got quiet and said, well, thank goodness the bridesmaids and the groomsmen won't be

[00:11:03] interacting a lot.

[00:11:04] And as maid of honor, I would have minimal contact with him on the actual day.

[00:11:08] Then she started talking dresses and I stopped her.

[00:11:11] I don't think I can be maid of honor.

[00:11:14] I don't feel comfortable in the same space as this person.

[00:11:17] Maid of honor usually is a big job and interacts a lot with the couple.

[00:11:21] She shot back that, well, after he will be her husband.

[00:11:24] So am I to avoid him the rest of our natural lives?

[00:11:28] How?

[00:11:29] When they have kids, how do I plan to pull that off?

[00:11:32] She broke down saying I'm ruining everything from my misconceptions about him and making it

[00:11:36] out that she has to choose between her love and her sister and it's not fair.

[00:11:41] I said, whoa, hold on.

[00:11:43] What misconceptions?

[00:11:44] That he bullied me.

[00:11:46] Violet went off.

[00:11:47] Okay, I tried not to bring this up because I didn't want an argument, but you bullied him.

[00:11:53] Remember?

[00:11:54] And she went on to say that she confronted him about my allegations and he explained that

[00:11:58] I had it the wrong way around.

[00:12:00] Even now in his 30s, he can't admit to pushing me, hitting me, calling me every name he could

[00:12:06] come up with and worse.

[00:12:07] She was hoovering his bullshit like a buffet.

[00:12:10] I lost it.

[00:12:12] I told her before.

[00:12:13] I told her each time again and again that I didn't do those things.

[00:12:17] He always spun it around on me and his friends would lie so it would be my word against theirs.

[00:12:22] And no one ever believed me except once when he was caught on camera.

[00:12:25] And then it was made as retaliation by my bullying of him.

[00:12:30] She huffed.

[00:12:31] Okay then, what if he apologizes to you for bullying?

[00:12:34] Using air quotes.

[00:12:36] Maybe it was a sangria, but I just laughed and said, you know what?

[00:12:39] Fine.

[00:12:40] You don't have to believe me.

[00:12:42] It doesn't matter now anyway, but I can't be made of honor.

[00:12:45] She cried and our brothers came to keep the peace, but I was done with it.

[00:12:49] When my dad dropped me off at the airport later that day, he said that he hopes I think

[00:12:53] this through and if my perception of things is more important than family, that's my choice.

[00:12:58] But when he and mum are gone, all we have is each other and this squabble is too much.

[00:13:03] He asked me to please not make trouble over this.

[00:13:06] I kissed him goodbye and took my damn flight.

[00:13:10] Now my sister is still in the group chat acting like I am maid of honor.

[00:13:13] My older brother is nudging me to just get over myself and not stress Violet out.

[00:13:17] Then this morning, I'm added to a new chat with a few folks and my sister.

[00:13:22] She texts us as the wedding party and listed me as the maid of honor.

[00:13:26] I wanted to call her to remove this, but now I'm second guessing.

[00:13:30] I'm happy to attend.

[00:13:32] Hell, I will bartend, sing, give a speech, anything, but I just don't want to stand up

[00:13:37] there as if I'm on board with this.

[00:13:40] Maybe he's changed and that's swell, but it took years of therapy, lots of love for my

[00:13:45] friends, an intense amount of support groups and so much effort to get to the somewhat normal

[00:13:50] I have.

[00:13:51] I don't purge anymore.

[00:13:53] I don't cut anymore.

[00:13:54] I actually communicate with my partner and my friends.

[00:13:57] It took so much to get over all that fucking hurt.

[00:14:00] And when I'm with my family, I'm labeled as trouble despite years of not asking for anything,

[00:14:05] not wanting to rock the boat with them.

[00:14:07] It feels like I can't be myself back home now and it sucks.

[00:14:10] But this extra layer, Daniel, I can't just plaster a fake smile on Grin and bear this

[00:14:16] like I did the other things for so many years.

[00:14:18] I'm already the oddball, which hey, someone's gotta be.

[00:14:22] And I move state to avoid being judged on what scraps I managed to scramble up to make

[00:14:27] my messy, weird, awesome, amazing life.

[00:14:30] But I feel like I'm up against the wall.

[00:14:33] So maybe I am just a selfish little kitten scratching at anyone trying to love me.

[00:14:37] But there it is.

[00:14:38] I'm I, the arsehole.

[00:14:42] Edits.

[00:14:42] What in the space balls is going on?

[00:14:46] I fell asleep and woke up to over a thousand notifications.

[00:14:50] The fuck?

[00:14:51] I really tried to read all the comments, but it's not even 730 here and baby needs her coffee.

[00:14:57] And I have an international D&D session today.

[00:14:59] I DM part time.

[00:15:01] So I'll try to start replying after that.

[00:15:03] But some themes I want to address here as I can.

[00:15:06] Blurry eyed as I might be.

[00:15:07] My favorite comment of all time thus far that I've read is claiming my story is fake.

[00:15:13] Nothing special there.

[00:15:15] Comments like that and trolls are a dime a dozen.

[00:15:17] But theory was that I use English turns of phrases, but clearly based in the USA.

[00:15:23] Congrats.

[00:15:24] You wanted to catch me out.

[00:15:25] But the explanation is really far more simple than I think you are wanting.

[00:15:28] Dad is not born here.

[00:15:30] He's African by descent, but raised across the pond and met my mom and never left and had us.

[00:15:35] Sorry, it's not as interesting as you wanted.

[00:15:37] I guess I will have to name the brothers for this not to get too confusing.

[00:15:41] I was afraid of that.

[00:15:42] Here we go in order of birth.

[00:15:43] My siblings are John, male 42, Jacob, male 40, Jonas, male 37, Jeremy, male 35, and of course Violet and then myself, Lily, female 31.

[00:15:54] John is the brother leaning on me about sucking it up and just going to the wedding.

[00:15:59] And that is no big shock.

[00:16:00] And here my father are usually quite aligned.

[00:16:03] Very stereotypical eldest child syndrome.

[00:16:06] Anyway, dad was the hands-on parent most of the time when Violet and I were younger because mom works a job that requires a lot of travel.

[00:16:13] So he essentially is the boots on the ground with six kids.

[00:16:17] Please be gentle about it.

[00:16:19] He may not be perfect, but he had a lot on his plate and he does his best.

[00:16:23] By the time mom would talk to me about getting in trouble at school, I was already shut down and just wouldn't answer her.

[00:16:29] She had me go to therapy, but I wouldn't talk to the therapist either.

[00:16:33] She put me in lots of extracurriculars.

[00:16:35] I think in her own way because she didn't get my side of the story and could get the proverbial blood from a rock.

[00:16:41] She hoped to keep me busy and well-rounded to keep me out of trouble.

[00:16:45] Like I said, six kids to manage is a lot.

[00:16:48] Probably why I don't want kids at the moment to be honest.

[00:16:51] After I posted this, Jeremy called me to ask if I was alright and I got a little overwhelmed.

[00:16:56] I didn't cry, but I think he could hear the stress in my voice.

[00:16:59] I told him everything about Daniel and now he's really upset.

[00:17:03] I know he's already said something to Jonas because he's been texting me to check up on me and to ask about what's going on.

[00:17:08] As for why my own twin didn't know about my bullying since we'd be in the same classes.

[00:17:14] We weren't.

[00:17:15] We were in separate homerooms because we had a lot of unhealthy attachment to one another when we were little.

[00:17:20] So administration made the call to keep us separate.

[00:17:23] Plus I mentioned I have a slight stutter.

[00:17:25] It was a real problem at school because I was an anxious one.

[00:17:28] I was pulled for speech therapy and the like a lot.

[00:17:32] All that to say, at school I saw my sister in passing maybe not a lot.

[00:17:36] And by high school we frankly just ran in different circles.

[00:17:39] Anyway, baby needs a coffee before Godzilla levels another city.

[00:17:43] Story made me so sad and angry on many different levels.

[00:17:47] And like many of you already know in the past, if you have past stories I was bullied as well.

[00:17:52] So my opinion might always come across as very biased if you like.

[00:17:55] So take it as you like.

[00:17:56] But this guy hasn't changed.

[00:17:59] He still won't admit to what he's done.

[00:18:01] And he's still blaming you.

[00:18:03] He's still happy for you to take the blame after everything that you've gone through.

[00:18:06] And it makes me absolutely sick to think of that.

[00:18:09] Other parts of the story that really made me sad for you is that

[00:18:12] the way that you've been made to feel about yourself, the oddball as you said,

[00:18:18] that you was the different twin.

[00:18:20] And I just find it incredibly distressing and sad that you're being failed

[00:18:24] by people that should be supporting you around you.

[00:18:27] And they're just telling you to suck it up.

[00:18:30] Absolutely not.

[00:18:30] Your feelings and everything you've gone through are valid.

[00:18:33] And the fact that your family and especially your sister,

[00:18:37] who you hold in high regards,

[00:18:39] is dismissing your past trauma.

[00:18:41] The air quotes of your bullying.

[00:18:44] Fucking that pissed me right off.

[00:18:46] So dismissing your past trauma just to prioritize themselves.

[00:18:50] It's just awful.

[00:18:51] And you're absolutely right to set your boundaries,

[00:18:54] to protect yourself after years of trauma that you've gone through

[00:18:59] and protecting yourself and taking the steps to help you get through that at the same time.

[00:19:04] And of course, it never ends.

[00:19:06] It's still with me to this day.

[00:19:08] And just simply remember that you're not obligated or you should never put yourself in uncomfortable or traumatic situations,

[00:19:16] even for family.

[00:19:18] Your mental health, your well-being matters.

[00:19:21] Protect yourself and fuck anyone that says otherwise.

[00:19:25] And I didn't even realize there was an update on this one, but there is.

[00:19:28] But we'll cover that in a moment after a couple of comments.

[00:19:32] In fact, I'm just going to read this one comment from QueasySport7234.

[00:19:37] He says,

[00:19:52] He hasn't changed.

[00:19:55] You're being generous to agree to attend the wedding.

[00:19:58] You've been incredibly understanding so far.

[00:20:00] You haven't given ultimatums, demanded she leave him, avoided contact, spoken badly about him, caused any drama.

[00:20:07] You weren't asking her not to marry him.

[00:20:10] You're not refusing to go to the wedding.

[00:20:12] You have set a very reasonable, very generous boundary of not being the maid of honor

[00:20:16] in order to protect the mental health you fought so hard to heal.

[00:20:20] You are not an oddball or trouble or anything else your family caused you.

[00:20:25] You grew up being led to believe you were less than because of the order and circumstances of your birth,

[00:20:30] which you have zero control over.

[00:20:33] Your parents didn't abuse or neglect you in the traditional sense,

[00:20:36] but training you from birth that you were trouble is a form of emotional abuse.

[00:20:40] And where were they when you were going through the bullying and its aftermath,

[00:20:45] aside from when you got suspended?

[00:20:47] How much did your parents know and did they support you?

[00:20:50] Did your sister stand up for you?

[00:20:52] Maybe she is brilliant, but you are not less so.

[00:20:55] And she's not a good sister to you.

[00:20:57] Your family seems really important to you, your sister in particular,

[00:21:01] and you seem to want to maintain your relationship with them.

[00:21:04] I don't know that they deserve this from you.

[00:21:06] They know this man bullied you and they're welcoming him into the family.

[00:21:10] They expect you to be fine with this and then convince you that you're causing problems in the family

[00:21:15] when you set one reasonable boundary.

[00:21:17] I would ask for a family meeting with a plan for what you want to say.

[00:21:21] Then calmly lay it out for them.

[00:21:23] This is what he did.

[00:21:25] This is the harm it caused.

[00:21:27] This is what I had to do to heal.

[00:21:29] My boundary is not being made of honor.

[00:21:31] If your parents and sister and potentially even your brothers still won't support you,

[00:21:36] I would walk away.

[00:21:38] So then OP comes in with a first update that says,

[00:21:42] Sunny is helping me with this since Reddit is more her thing.

[00:21:46] So here's the last post.

[00:21:48] It's too much for me to add here and I made a new post update because the last post was long.

[00:21:53] This one will be too.

[00:21:55] So once again, if it's not your bag, don't read or do whatever.

[00:21:59] It's your life.

[00:21:59] I just wanted to start by saying thanks to everyone who gave kind or even some unkind advice.

[00:22:05] It's actually heartening and heartbreaking to know so many of you have gone through this sort of stuff.

[00:22:10] But okay.

[00:22:11] Holy moly, righteous cannoli, what the fuck?

[00:22:14] When Sunny suggested I post here, I figured I would get a couple of comments, but this went crazy.

[00:22:20] There were so many comments.

[00:22:21] I'm so sorry if I didn't reply.

[00:22:23] Unless you're a twat waffle, get therapy.

[00:22:26] But there were literally hundreds, which as you might imagine is an overwhelming number.

[00:22:31] Did anyone complain I didn't respond?

[00:22:33] I mean, sorry, but I do have a life and stuff to do away from this app.

[00:22:37] It's been barely a day and I have side gigs.

[00:22:40] So let me cover some bases I saw a lot in the comments.

[00:22:44] No contact isn't really a first option for me.

[00:22:47] My family isn't perfect, but they are my family.

[00:22:50] No contact would be hard, but far more of an option.

[00:22:53] I've already moved out of my home state and have my family on an information diet

[00:22:57] concerning a lot of my day-to-day life.

[00:22:59] And that worked mostly until now.

[00:23:01] I respected that some of you are autonomous enough.

[00:23:04] You can go no contact, but I'm not like you, I guess.

[00:23:08] We're a large family and both parents come from large families.

[00:23:11] It's just too much admin and I will be miserable.

[00:23:14] I love my family.

[00:23:15] I can't just shut that off.

[00:23:17] Some comments suggested Daniel is obsessed with either me or my sister or both and that

[00:23:21] it is too much for my brain to take in.

[00:23:24] The effort that would take is frankly a lot.

[00:23:26] My hometown is not a town at all, but a city and populated one at that.

[00:23:31] After graduation, a lot of us lost touch with one another unless we gave an effort to keep ties.

[00:23:36] Others have said that he might hurt my sister and I will only say this.

[00:23:40] He better fucking not.

[00:23:42] Some of you sent links of what is supposed to be his nice side, but is literally labeled

[00:23:47] a shitpost and suddenly traced it to some group making fun of me.

[00:23:51] Nice to know Daniel isn't alone on being a bully.

[00:23:54] Weird read, but funny.

[00:23:55] So thanks for sharing it.

[00:23:57] And finally, I am in therapy.

[00:23:59] I've been consistently in therapy since leaving home.

[00:24:02] I was messed up a lot in the soul and the head when I left and it took a lot of time,

[00:24:07] efforts and coping mechanisms to help me sort myself out.

[00:24:10] I'm no Disney princess, but I'm proud of who I am now.

[00:24:14] And let's get to it.

[00:24:16] So in order of my birth siblings are John, Jacob, John, Jonas, Jeremy, and of course Violet and

[00:24:22] then myself, Lily.

[00:24:23] Mum will be mum and dad will be dad.

[00:24:25] I don't know how relevant it is, but dad is the stepfather technically for John.

[00:24:29] Don't know how relevant that is, but whatever.

[00:24:32] John is the brother leaning on me about sucking it up and just going to the wedding.

[00:24:36] My three other brothers have now heard my side of things since my last post.

[00:24:40] This morning, I got a call from mum.

[00:24:42] She usually texts, so a call is serious.

[00:24:45] I paused my virtual D&D game and got everyone on an early break.

[00:24:49] Mum skipped the usual, how are you BS and just went for, Lillian, I need the truth from you.

[00:24:54] What is going on with you and this man?

[00:24:57] So I told her the truth.

[00:24:58] He bullied me.

[00:24:59] I never lied about it.

[00:25:00] I only ever hit him once when we were kids to get him away from me.

[00:25:04] His friends lied and backed him up when he would blame things on me.

[00:25:07] I didn't have time to give her all the details, but I told her the cliff note version.

[00:25:12] But I knew that one of my brothers snitched and suspected Jeremy and I had no way to know

[00:25:16] what she knows, so I outlined it all.

[00:25:19] She just asked me if my sister knew.

[00:25:21] I told her what happened June 10th.

[00:25:23] She asked me why I didn't say anything, but everyone in my D&D group came back on, so

[00:25:29] we couldn't talk more and I told her I would text her once I was free.

[00:25:32] After D&D, I texted her and she called again.

[00:25:35] We talked more.

[00:25:36] She got upset.

[00:25:37] Why didn't I say anything?

[00:25:39] Why did I push her away?

[00:25:41] She wanted to know the whens, the wheres, the whos.

[00:25:43] And I just said, don't know.

[00:25:45] I just didn't want more trouble.

[00:25:46] And I could hear her either scoff or sob.

[00:25:49] Not sure.

[00:25:50] She said, I'm sorry baby.

[00:25:52] And asked if I had time tonight to talk more, but I will be honest.

[00:25:56] This second round telling my mum these things emotionally drained me.

[00:25:59] So I said I'm free tomorrow, but going to see a movie tonight with friends.

[00:26:03] She understood.

[00:26:04] I text Sunny as we have plans today and she mentioned to me that my brother Jeremy

[00:26:09] had reached out to her to ask all sorts of questions and that we can talk more tonight.

[00:26:13] But to be warned that my family is asking questions and she suspected sooner or later

[00:26:17] my sister will have words for me.

[00:26:20] Don't know what that means, but I will enjoy Geralt's night nonetheless.

[00:26:23] I don't know what will happen.

[00:26:25] Just that I will fight for my family and love them as hard as I can, but I won't be yielding

[00:26:29] on this boundary.

[00:26:30] I love my sister, but the amount of my piece damaged by being their Daniel and dealing with

[00:26:35] issues is brought into my life and that if my family is too much for me to fake through,

[00:26:39] the commenters suggest I'd be more bold about my dislike of him.

[00:26:42] But I don't want to be that sister.

[00:26:44] What I think I will do is be more matter of fact about it.

[00:26:48] Maybe that will make me the arsehole and I'm okay with being branded as bitter or jealous

[00:26:52] or whatever.

[00:26:54] I'm just tired and overwhelmed now and it's now bleeding into my everyday life and interactions

[00:26:59] with my circle here where I live and I even thought about cutting again.

[00:27:03] I don't want to be like that and I refuse to go backwards.

[00:27:07] I don't know how to end these posts or end this with a quote I like and update if anything

[00:27:13] happens later.

[00:27:14] It matters not what someone is born, but what they grew up to be.

[00:27:18] Signed with love, trouble.

[00:27:21] Not gonna lie, that update got me tearing up there.

[00:27:25] It's just so fucking heartbreaking that Opie is having to have all this trauma brought back

[00:27:31] to the surface again.

[00:27:32] So much so they're thinking about doing the things that they did in the past when they

[00:27:36] should have been supported from the beginning.

[00:27:38] And that's what really pisses me off.

[00:27:40] Opie then moved on to the entitled parents subreddit and says, I think my father just

[00:27:45] disowned me.

[00:27:46] Opie shares the previous post and then says on to it.

[00:27:49] So I'm one of six children and the youngest.

[00:27:51] I'm also a twin.

[00:27:52] No, not identical.

[00:27:53] I get asked that a lot.

[00:27:54] I really love my family and was raised to view family as everything.

[00:27:58] The people who hold above all others.

[00:28:00] The people you fight for and who will fight for you.

[00:28:03] The people you sacrifice for as they sacrifice for you.

[00:28:06] The people you trust the most.

[00:28:08] In my previous posts, I outlined the whole situation with my sister getting engaged to a

[00:28:13] guy who relentlessly bullied me in my school days and frankly made my life unbearable.

[00:28:18] And my sister has been all but demanding I be the maid of honor.

[00:28:21] I won't blame him outright for my mental health issues entirely.

[00:28:24] But I would never say he didn't have a hand in me developing an eating disorder, a desire

[00:28:29] for cutting and other damaging issues.

[00:28:31] I'm in therapy now and have been since I moved out of my childhood home.

[00:28:35] My sister doesn't believe he bullied me, it seems.

[00:28:37] And instead believes it's the other way around, that I bullied him.

[00:28:43] My father also believes this.

[00:28:44] On my life, that isn't even a little bit true.

[00:28:48] He would torment me and have vicious nicknames to call me, elaborate insults and spread horrid

[00:28:54] rumors about me.

[00:28:55] I avoided him because if I told, he would get his friends to back him up when he would tell

[00:28:59] any and every adult who questioned him that I would bully him.

[00:29:03] He pushes me.

[00:29:04] He would tell a teacher I punched him in the gut.

[00:29:07] Once he actually got caught because there were cameras and lo and behold, the narrative

[00:29:11] shifted into he had enough of my bullying so he retaliated.

[00:29:15] And all of this was just him trying to defend himself.

[00:29:18] So I would again be reprimanded or punished because poor Daniel had it so hard.

[00:29:23] And I shouldn't be mean to a kid who has a sick mother at home and a hardworking father.

[00:29:27] I just learned to keep my head down and shut up.

[00:29:31] Recently, my mother asked me for the truth of what our history was and I told her.

[00:29:35] I told her everything.

[00:29:36] I was emotional but also felt like there was this wall I couldn't get past.

[00:29:40] It was hard to drag the words out of my mouth on one hand.

[00:29:43] And on the other, it felt like floodgates had been opened and I couldn't stand up.

[00:29:48] My mom listened to me and was getting upset to hear about all this as she didn't know.

[00:29:53] After my dad blamed me and didn't believe me the first time, things got really bad.

[00:29:57] I stopped talking about it and for a time stopped talking period.

[00:30:00] So I never told my mom even when she asked since she was out of town for work at the time.

[00:30:05] She said she was sorry and I believe she really meant it.

[00:30:09] I was so spent and mentally and spiritually drained.

[00:30:12] And my depression came back full force.

[00:30:14] I vomited and couldn't get any sleep and my best friend stayed up most of the night with me.

[00:30:19] Because I said that the self-harming thoughts were surfacing again and I didn't want to be alone.

[00:30:24] It just all brought me back to being that kid no one believed and that no one took the time to care about.

[00:30:29] That isolated, quiet kid who used self-harm to feel any sort of control or feeling other than this damn pit of loneliness.

[00:30:36] That kid who when I got sexually assaulted in college, not by Daniel, I didn't even bother to report it or tell my family.

[00:30:43] Because I simply never expected it to be believed.

[00:30:45] I believed so deeply that I would just be blamed.

[00:30:49] That's a lot of word vomit.

[00:30:50] Sorry for the rant.

[00:30:52] After my talk with my mom yesterday and the night from hell, Sunny witnesses me go through.

[00:30:57] Sunny cancelled all her plans and made me elaborate itinerary to keep me busy and distract me from being sucked into my thoughts today.

[00:31:04] She's a good one, I know.

[00:31:05] We started off having a lot of fun.

[00:31:07] We went to live music and brunch, got tickets for a movie later today,

[00:31:11] hit the museums in the city and enjoyed mimosas.

[00:31:14] I almost forgot about my shitty situation for a while.

[00:31:17] We're at lunch when my dad happened.

[00:31:19] I guess my mom talked to him about everything.

[00:31:22] He'd called three times but I just text sorry really busy at the moment, we'll call back tonight.

[00:31:26] Everything okay?

[00:31:27] And it devolved from there.

[00:31:29] I changed some info for privacy.

[00:31:32] Dad said, okay.

[00:31:33] Okay?

[00:31:34] No, it's not okay.

[00:31:35] You've upset your mother again.

[00:31:37] You will call back now.

[00:31:39] OP said, how did I upset her?

[00:31:41] She didn't tell me.

[00:31:42] Like I said, I'm busy but I will call back when I can tonight.

[00:31:45] Dad replies saying, you need to fix this.

[00:31:47] Take responsibility for yourself.

[00:31:49] OP said, I don't know what you mean.

[00:31:52] Dad, you do.

[00:31:53] Don't play cheeky.

[00:31:54] OP said, dad, please just be plain.

[00:31:57] What is it you want?

[00:31:59] The dad replied, you need to call your mother and stop blaming me for you being a difficult child.

[00:32:04] You threw me under one fuck of a bus.

[00:32:06] Take responsibility for yourself and stop causing trouble.

[00:32:09] OP said, I never blamed you for anything.

[00:32:11] So what do you want me to take responsibility for?

[00:32:13] He said, oh, so you're playing this game.

[00:32:15] Okay, cute.

[00:32:17] OP responded saying, I don't know what you mean by game.

[00:32:20] I don't know what bus I threw you under.

[00:32:22] I don't know what you want me to say to mom.

[00:32:24] I don't know why you're acting this way.

[00:32:26] Why won't you just be playing and tell me what you want?

[00:32:28] I never meant to cause drama.

[00:32:30] He said, I talked to your sister.

[00:32:32] I know you've been trying to rewrite history and be trouble for Daniel.

[00:32:36] He's been trying really hard to build bridges with you and you're trying to make him out as a bad guy.

[00:32:40] That's not fair to him or your sister.

[00:32:43] I tried to stay out of this but now you're lying to your mother.

[00:32:45] You need to tell the truth.

[00:32:47] OP said, okay.

[00:32:48] Okay, dad.

[00:32:49] Want the truth?

[00:32:50] The truth is he bullied me.

[00:32:52] I avoided him because of that.

[00:32:53] Dad put a laughing emoji and said, you're embarrassing yourself.

[00:32:57] OP said, the truth is also that you never once believed me and never gave me the benefit of any doubt.

[00:33:03] Mom asked for the truth and I told her.

[00:33:05] Dad said, Lillian, stop it.

[00:33:08] This tale you tell yourself wasn't cute then and it's not now.

[00:33:11] You're an adult.

[00:33:12] This childish tantrum you're having is so immature.

[00:33:14] It's embarrassing.

[00:33:15] It's hurting the entire family and your selfishness when Daniel has tried to mend things is nasty.

[00:33:20] You were raised better.

[00:33:22] I'm so deeply disappointed in you.

[00:33:24] OP then continues saying, I didn't reply to that mostly because I'd started crying.

[00:33:29] A lot.

[00:33:30] And we're in public.

[00:33:31] So Sonny got me in the car and let me sob.

[00:33:33] She said, my dad is a royal bastard.

[00:33:36] Not her exact words, but I think her exact words go against guidelines or something.

[00:33:41] I argued with her that he had six kids, a full-time job and a full plate and I was the least of my siblings.

[00:33:46] He was doing his best with what he has.

[00:33:48] She got angry with me and just yelled, bull fucking shit and took my phone and replied to my dad in a group chat with her number.

[00:33:56] Hi, Mr. Gardner.

[00:33:57] This is Sonny Willows.

[00:33:58] And just in case you try to twist this, feel free to reply to my number.

[00:34:02] Lily is telling the truth.

[00:34:03] I know because I was there and saw some of it firsthand.

[00:34:06] Am I a liar?

[00:34:08] Why don't you give me a call and I will lay it out for you and you can call me a liar directly.

[00:34:12] I saw Daniel or James or whatever his name is now slap her, throw things at her, curse her out.

[00:34:17] Shall I list it all for you?

[00:34:19] In what order?

[00:34:20] By degree of abuse or chronologically?

[00:34:22] Give me a call.

[00:34:23] I welcome it.

[00:34:24] She then took screenshots of the whole thing.

[00:34:27] About an hour ago, my mother sent in a family group chat to please clear our plans for a set time in a few hours as we need to video chat ASAP.

[00:34:35] And when I looked, Sonny's instincts were correct because dad deleted his text I transcribed above

[00:34:40] and just said, don't worry, I won't be speaking to you about this anymore.

[00:34:43] Talk to your mother about it.

[00:34:44] I'm done.

[00:34:46] I got upset and tried to call and he answered with asking me if I am calling about Daniel.

[00:34:51] And I said no.

[00:34:52] I just hate that I've upset him but swore to God that it was the truth.

[00:34:56] He said, then you've lied to me.

[00:34:58] And basically said, if what I'm saying is true, then I've lied by omission all this time and now trying to paint him as a villain.

[00:35:05] So he's over it.

[00:35:06] If he's such a bad father, he won't bother to father me anymore then.

[00:35:10] Since that's clearly what is best for me.

[00:35:12] Then hung up.

[00:35:13] I've been a wreck since.

[00:35:14] I told Sonny who heard my side of the conversation as it was happening.

[00:35:18] She called him a manipulative little bitch and said she wants to be there for this family video call.

[00:35:24] I'm glad she'll be there as I don't know what's going to happen but I know I can't face it alone.

[00:35:29] I think he just basically disowned me.

[00:35:31] I know that's not exactly what he said but how the hell am I supposed to take it?

[00:35:35] I'm so nervous.

[00:35:37] I haven't been able to keep anything down.

[00:35:39] Sorry for the rant.

[00:35:40] I know this is all over the place.

[00:35:42] I think I'm just typing this to get it out of my brain for a moment.

[00:35:45] I just want my family back.

[00:35:47] I want my daddy back.

[00:35:48] I want my sister back.

[00:35:49] And it feels like this godforsaken fuckbomb is going to see my family fractured for good.

[00:35:53] And it's all my fault.

[00:35:54] All because I couldn't fucking just grow a pair and fake my way through being made of honor in some dumb wedding.

[00:36:01] Edits.

[00:36:02] We had the call last night.

[00:36:03] And it went as one would expect I guess.

[00:36:06] Which we have.

[00:36:07] Now.

[00:36:36] Hi all.

[00:36:38] And it was a thing on it.

[00:36:40] Sunny called it a flare and it said XL.

[00:36:43] When I asked her what it meant she said it meant extra long.

[00:36:46] And I was like damn.

[00:36:47] I'm copying shade from automod bots now.

[00:36:51] But I guess you're here to hear how the video call went.

[00:36:54] The short is not pretty.

[00:36:56] The long is long.

[00:36:58] So per usual here's my disclaimer.

[00:37:00] This will be a novel with lots of info but you get candy if you make it to the end.

[00:37:04] I'm an educator and not above bribery.

[00:37:07] Sorry.

[00:37:07] It's the beer.

[00:37:08] Or at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[00:37:10] So I logged on to the zoom link.

[00:37:13] Mum sent everyone and I sat on the couch next to Sunny.

[00:37:16] She wasn't in view at this point.

[00:37:17] So it just looked like I was on the couch with my dog.

[00:37:20] Mum was already logged in and waiting.

[00:37:22] Dad was logged in too.

[00:37:23] But his mic and camera are off.

[00:37:25] I noticed they were logged in separately immediately since they usually log in together

[00:37:30] on one account and sit together on family video chats unless mum's work causes her to not be in town.

[00:37:36] She said she was glad I was logged in first and asked me how I was holding up.

[00:37:40] I was honest and said not great.

[00:37:42] And she just nodded.

[00:37:43] I asked about her and she smiled and said not great.

[00:37:47] And it was my turn to nod.

[00:37:49] She said she thinks she got an idea of all that happened and apologized for not checking in with me more when I was young.

[00:37:54] She said since dad was the consistently home parent she simply trusted his conclusions and when I refused to speak to her and the therapist she assumed it was because what was said of me was true.

[00:38:05] I was just ashamed.

[00:38:06] She made a point to say that doesn't mean I blame you.

[00:38:09] I'm the parent.

[00:38:10] I should have pressed.

[00:38:12] I shrugged and muttered something like well I didn't make it easy mum.

[00:38:16] And she shook her head and said nothing about parenting is supposed to be easy but she took the easy road and it wasn't fair to me.

[00:38:22] I was going to respond but the clock hit the new hour so everyone else was logging in.

[00:38:27] Eldest brother John was on with his wife Sarah.

[00:38:30] Jacob came with his boyfriend Kyle.

[00:38:32] Jonas and Jeremy both respectively on by themselves and of course Violet comes on with Daniel.

[00:38:37] They're holding hands.

[00:38:38] And then myself Lily am seemingly on by myself.

[00:38:42] My mum asked my father if he was there and he said he was but kept this camera off.

[00:38:47] Mum then said I am gently requesting we all have our cameras on.

[00:38:50] This tool is for communication over distances not creating more distance.

[00:38:54] There was a beat and dad turned on his camera with one of those fake backgrounds.

[00:38:58] But as he moved around it glitched a bit.

[00:39:00] It was very clear he was in a hotel room.

[00:39:03] Honestly both of my parents looked tired and we all noticed it.

[00:39:06] But we just didn't have the balls to ask what the fuck.

[00:39:09] Mum started with a smile thanking everyone for joining for something so last minute.

[00:39:14] And quickly said I know usually I call this sort of thing last minute like this because of a death.

[00:39:19] No one has died.

[00:39:20] I could just see my eldest brother sort of relax a bit.

[00:39:23] And I can't blame him as we had a string of deaths of some elder family members of the extended family.

[00:39:28] Mum went on to say Daniel I'm pleased you could make it.

[00:39:31] And he said he couldn't stay long as he had an important meeting.

[00:39:35] Mum's smile didn't falter for a second.

[00:39:37] And she said this sort of thing might take a little time.

[00:39:40] And she hopes whoever he has lined up to meet next is understanding that this is an important meeting.

[00:39:45] I know I'm not known to be brief but I'll be fast forwarding through a lot of this to keep it shorter than carrying a ring to a volcano.

[00:39:53] I've been having some really tough discussions with a few of you in this room she says.

[00:39:57] And she goes on to say that communication and honesty will be valued here.

[00:40:01] And asks Violet how aware she was about the situation with me and Daniel.

[00:40:06] Violet folds her arms immediately and explains that from what I understand Lily and Daniel didn't get on well when we were kids.

[00:40:12] And she hit him once. We're trying to leave it be for the wedding.

[00:40:15] Mum asks me, did you hit Daniel ever?

[00:40:18] I said yes so she asks why and I say, if it's the time I got in trouble with my coach then it was because Daniel called me Lumpy Lily and pushed me hard enough for me to fall.

[00:40:28] Mum asks Daniel if that's true and he shrugs and says, mama that was over 10 years ago I don't really remember.

[00:40:34] Mum lets silence rain for a moment and then asks my dad if he remembered anything about it.

[00:40:38] Dad seemed annoyed and said that he was told by the school that I started a fight and bullied a kid.

[00:40:44] And that there were other students who vouched for Daniel's version.

[00:40:47] Mum was nodding and listening and then asked, does anyone have anything to add about this?

[00:40:52] And at first no one said anything.

[00:40:53] So I just added that of the kids that backed up Daniel, two are now in his wedding party group chat as groomsmen.

[00:41:00] One being the best man.

[00:41:02] Mum said yes I know I talked to Harvey actually earlier today.

[00:41:05] And she left it there.

[00:41:07] I know this tactic as she used it on us as kids many times growing up.

[00:41:11] She dangles that she spoke to someone in the know.

[00:41:14] Sometimes it's a bluff and sometimes it's not.

[00:41:16] But you best fess up because if it isn't bluffing she will nail you to the wall for not coming clean.

[00:41:22] Harsh but effective.

[00:41:24] Guess it works on adults too because Daniel looked at Violet and muttered something

[00:41:27] and then said that he did remember that he and I sometimes just didn't like each other.

[00:41:32] He said he didn't know why or where the problem started because his mother was sick at the time

[00:41:37] and his dad was never home because he was working so much.

[00:41:40] He then said to me,

[00:41:41] So sorry Lily if I ever did anything to upset you.

[00:41:44] Well shit started to hit the fan around there because Sonny started to say loudly,

[00:41:48] No no no no no no.

[00:41:50] And scooched next to me so she was visible.

[00:41:52] Then went her hailstorm and she was honestly a force.

[00:41:56] She launched into it.

[00:41:58] This is a paraphrase from what I remember.

[00:42:01] I'm sorry Mama Gardner but you need to know either Daniel's memory is shit or he's full of it.

[00:42:06] Daniel bullied Lily for as long as I can remember.

[00:42:08] He called her lumpy Lily all the time and Harvey,

[00:42:11] please excuse my language,

[00:42:12] is as much of a shit stick.

[00:42:14] So whatever he told you isn't the half of it.

[00:42:17] Then she turns on Daniel and asks a barrage of questions like,

[00:42:21] You don't remember in 7th grade when you spat in Lily's hair and called it an accident.

[00:42:25] Or you mean to tell me you don't remember pushing her so hard she was bleeding and went to the nurse.

[00:42:31] Or how about when you asked her why she was the ugly twin?

[00:42:34] And more.

[00:42:35] No one interrupted her.

[00:42:37] Daniel tried a couple of times and she just said,

[00:42:40] I'm still speaking and continued relaying a series of specific events.

[00:42:44] And then she brought something up that even I didn't remember.

[00:42:47] Violet was there once when he said Lily must have been the twin.

[00:42:51] That didn't get enough air to the brain because Violet is actually smart.

[00:42:54] And Lily's flunked the test.

[00:42:56] I can't really transcribe the next 15 or so minutes but now all mics are turned on.

[00:43:02] There's talking over one another,

[00:43:04] questions everywhere and Daniel suddenly remembering bits and pieces here or there.

[00:43:09] It did calm down because after a while,

[00:43:10] Mum, who was the host, used her dashboard and muted everyone but herself.

[00:43:14] She was the only calm looking one in the bunch and she just asked me if this was all true.

[00:43:19] And I said it was.

[00:43:20] She asked if I told my father.

[00:43:22] I said the first few times yes but afterwards no because he never believed me.

[00:43:26] That would get grounded for somehow lying.

[00:43:29] I was crying a bit by this point because it was all too much and

[00:43:32] Sonny was pulling me into her side and rubbing my arm.

[00:43:34] My father started to say,

[00:43:36] Oh Sonny never told anyone about this.

[00:43:38] And my mum muted him again and just said shut the fuck up Peter.

[00:43:44] And then asked Violet if it's true that she saw this event or any others.

[00:43:49] Violet was crying too now and she was not holding Daniel's hand anymore

[00:43:53] and mumbled that she didn't remember that.

[00:43:55] Sonny asked her if she didn't remember or didn't want to.

[00:43:59] Violet got very defensive and said that she loves me

[00:44:01] and wouldn't let someone hurt me if she really knew they were hurting me.

[00:44:05] Sonny said,

[00:44:06] Oh so I guess you never once noticed her cutting herself then.

[00:44:09] Even though we shared a room and bathroom.

[00:44:12] Mum just went,

[00:44:13] You're cutting yourself.

[00:44:14] And I don't know what word salad I tossed but I basically said

[00:44:17] I used to but worked through it in therapy and haven't for years now.

[00:44:21] Mum started to cry but she was keeping it together and just asked who else knew.

[00:44:25] Jeremy meekly said he suspected something

[00:44:27] but didn't know what I was doing to myself.

[00:44:30] Dad started to interrupt telling Jeremy that of course he didn't know.

[00:44:33] How could he if I never said anything and rolled out his

[00:44:36] Lily lies by omission speech before saying to John

[00:44:39] that he's the eldest and was responsible for the youngest

[00:44:42] so what's his excuse here?

[00:44:44] That there are six kids and dad worked full time.

[00:44:47] True and John was often put in charge of his kids.

[00:44:50] Also true.

[00:44:51] Even after he was moved out and married

[00:44:54] but John never told dad anything.

[00:44:56] Anything about this

[00:44:57] and it's unfair to spring this on them to paint them as bad guys.

[00:45:00] So John, how did you not know?

[00:45:02] And if you knew why didn't you tell your mother or I?

[00:45:05] John was pissed

[00:45:06] and even though Sarah was trying to calm him down

[00:45:08] he said that I never mentioned any of this to him

[00:45:11] and never told him about hurting myself.

[00:45:13] Well his exact words were that

[00:45:14] he didn't know I was trying to take the coward's way out and end myself.

[00:45:18] I couldn't take it anymore

[00:45:19] and just got off the couch to go to the bathroom and cry.

[00:45:21] So the rest is what Sonny told me

[00:45:23] but note

[00:45:24] please we sometimes speak two other languages

[00:45:26] and Sonny doesn't speak either

[00:45:28] so some she couldn't really relate to me.

[00:45:30] They see me leave sobbing and can hear me leave the room.

[00:45:33] Sonny is glaring at them

[00:45:34] trying to transfer all her rage into concentrated energy

[00:45:37] to somehow make Daniel or my father spontaneously combust

[00:45:40] so she can hoover their ashes

[00:45:42] dump them in the toilet and shit on them.

[00:45:44] Those were her words not mine.

[00:45:46] The whole Zoom room went quiet

[00:45:48] and the three youngest brothers got on John

[00:45:50] for taking the tone with me

[00:45:51] and demonizing mental health struggles.

[00:45:54] Sonny, because I did say I didn't care how much she told them

[00:45:57] disclosed that I cut myself all through high school.

[00:45:59] Got so depressed that when I slept over at her place

[00:46:02] I would sometimes lie and say

[00:46:03] I've eaten when I hadn't to skip dinner

[00:46:05] rather than purge

[00:46:07] and then I would cry myself to sleep.

[00:46:08] She named all of Daniel's friends who lied for him.

[00:46:12] Sarah suggested we all take a break

[00:46:14] since everyone is so upset.

[00:46:16] But Jonas was calm and said

[00:46:17] the only people who are getting upset here

[00:46:19] have the right to

[00:46:20] because either they were harmed by all of this

[00:46:23] or did the harm.

[00:46:24] John told them to shut up in my father's native language

[00:46:26] and Jonah said something back

[00:46:28] but Sonny didn't know the language

[00:46:30] but from what I can guess

[00:46:31] he probably told John to make him.

[00:46:33] Dad started ranting and scolding in his native language

[00:46:37] and my brothers all shut up

[00:46:38] and my mum asked Daniel to give them the room

[00:46:41] and go to his ever so important meeting

[00:46:43] but he refused at first

[00:46:45] saying he was in this family now too.

[00:46:47] To which my mum replied

[00:46:48] don't push your incredible luck babes

[00:46:50] and log the fuck off.

[00:46:52] Violet asked if she should stay on

[00:46:54] and mum told her no

[00:46:55] as she should sit down with her man

[00:46:57] and have a discussion

[00:46:57] and that her mum would call her later.

[00:47:00] Violet didn't argue

[00:47:01] but she made a show of crying

[00:47:02] and just logged off.

[00:47:03] Mum asked Sonny if I was okay

[00:47:05] and she got up and checked on me

[00:47:07] and came back to them chatting

[00:47:08] about signs they might have missed.

[00:47:10] Sonny reported that I was alright

[00:47:11] and staying with her for a while.

[00:47:13] Mum thanked her and said to the others

[00:47:15] that she wants to be made crystal clear.

[00:47:17] No one is blameless here.

[00:47:19] John complained that Violet

[00:47:20] isn't getting this speech.

[00:47:21] Why did mum not start scolding them all

[00:47:23] when Violet is the one

[00:47:24] who brought Daniel home?

[00:47:25] Mum said she'll be dealing

[00:47:27] with that talk privately.

[00:47:28] That Violet has grown

[00:47:29] and now she can make her own choices

[00:47:31] fully informed.

[00:47:32] She asked Sonny to have me call

[00:47:34] when I am ready

[00:47:34] and to please keep an eye on me.

[00:47:37] Sonny told me that mum asked dad

[00:47:38] to stay on the line

[00:47:39] so they can talk

[00:47:40] and John slammed his computer closed

[00:47:42] to log out

[00:47:42] and the others simply looked sad.

[00:47:45] Sonny relayed all this to me

[00:47:46] once I'd showered

[00:47:47] and she said to not forget

[00:47:48] to get dressed

[00:47:49] and screw the movie.

[00:47:50] I invited

[00:47:51] our friend group out

[00:47:52] to our favourite bar.

[00:47:54] Let's get the fuck out of here.

[00:47:55] I said I needed to be alone

[00:47:57] for about an hour

[00:47:58] to think

[00:47:58] and she said she understood

[00:48:00] but she doesn't want me alone

[00:48:01] right now

[00:48:01] because she's worried

[00:48:02] after all that shitstorm

[00:48:03] so we compromised

[00:48:04] that she would drop me off

[00:48:05] at the bar

[00:48:06] as we're regulars

[00:48:07] and know the whole staff

[00:48:08] and I can sit and think alone

[00:48:10] but in public

[00:48:10] for the 45-ish minutes

[00:48:12] the errand will take her.

[00:48:13] I wrote most of this update there

[00:48:15] but it turns out

[00:48:16] that I didn't have to think

[00:48:17] very long at all.

[00:48:19] Violet had texted

[00:48:20] and asked if we can talk

[00:48:21] and I said

[00:48:22] not right now

[00:48:22] and cited

[00:48:24] that it's girls night

[00:48:25] so I'm out with Sonny

[00:48:26] and some friends.

[00:48:27] She responded quickly

[00:48:28] and I asked

[00:48:29] if they're calling her

[00:48:30] a bad person

[00:48:31] and I asked

[00:48:32] if she felt that way.

[00:48:33] I wasn't trying to shame her

[00:48:35] I was genuinely curious.

[00:48:36] She just said

[00:48:37] she feels ganged up on

[00:48:38] and asked me

[00:48:39] how much Sonny told me

[00:48:40] and I said

[00:48:41] she told me everything.

[00:48:43] She asked when we could talk

[00:48:44] just me and her

[00:48:45] and I said tomorrow

[00:48:46] which is today.

[00:48:48] Then I spent a lot of the night

[00:48:50] drinking with my friends

[00:48:51] who did cheer me up a bit.

[00:48:54] I was pretty sourced

[00:48:55] by the time I called my mum.

[00:48:57] She asked me if I was drunk

[00:48:58] and I admitted like

[00:49:00] well yeah

[00:49:00] I'm 31 mum

[00:49:01] and she didn't say

[00:49:02] anything much about it.

[00:49:04] She said

[00:49:04] she's at a loss

[00:49:05] and doesn't know what to do

[00:49:06] and doesn't know

[00:49:07] what will help her children in this.

[00:49:09] She's afraid

[00:49:10] to make things worse.

[00:49:11] So

[00:49:11] what do I wish

[00:49:12] she would do right now

[00:49:13] or going forward?

[00:49:14] I just said

[00:49:15] that she listened to me

[00:49:16] and that I know

[00:49:17] it ended in sort of a circus

[00:49:19] and maybe we don't need

[00:49:20] a full peanut gallery next time

[00:49:22] but it made me happy

[00:49:23] that she listened to me.

[00:49:24] She was quiet

[00:49:25] and asked me

[00:49:25] if I felt like

[00:49:26] she didn't listen before

[00:49:27] and I said

[00:49:28] she worked a lot

[00:49:29] and that's her job

[00:49:30] so I get it

[00:49:30] but sometimes

[00:49:31] no.

[00:49:32] I didn't feel like

[00:49:34] she was open

[00:49:34] to listening to me at all.

[00:49:36] That made her cry

[00:49:37] and she kept saying

[00:49:37] I'm so sorry baby

[00:49:39] and I started to cry too

[00:49:40] so I quickly said

[00:49:41] I love her

[00:49:42] and will always love her

[00:49:43] and she's my mum

[00:49:43] but I'm not wanting

[00:49:44] to start up again

[00:49:45] so let's call it a night.

[00:49:47] So we ended the call.

[00:49:48] She did mention

[00:49:49] that if Violet hasn't already

[00:49:51] she'd be reaching out to me

[00:49:52] and said

[00:49:52] I want you both

[00:49:53] to listen to one another fully

[00:49:54] and really talk about this

[00:49:56] and whatever choices

[00:49:57] you both make

[00:49:58] you can make informed ones.

[00:50:00] I'll transcribe

[00:50:01] some of what I can

[00:50:02] about Violet's call

[00:50:03] this morning on my account

[00:50:05] and link it here for you

[00:50:06] which we'll be covering shortly

[00:50:08] as I don't want to

[00:50:09] clog this sub up

[00:50:10] with any more trauma dumps

[00:50:11] indefinitely.

[00:50:12] Besides Sunny

[00:50:13] and all her Reddit wisdom

[00:50:14] found subs

[00:50:15] that are literally

[00:50:15] places for that.

[00:50:17] So thanks for your patience

[00:50:18] with me

[00:50:18] and all this bullshit.

[00:50:20] But if you're too fatigued

[00:50:21] by this point

[00:50:21] I don't blame you.

[00:50:22] So the overview is

[00:50:24] it didn't go well.

[00:50:26] What kind of teacher

[00:50:27] would I be

[00:50:28] if I wasn't true

[00:50:29] to my word?

[00:50:30] Here's your candy.

[00:50:32] Thanks for the kind words.

[00:50:33] Some of you really

[00:50:34] are incredible support.

[00:50:35] Some comments

[00:50:36] really made me cry.

[00:50:37] Some made me think.

[00:50:38] I see my therapist

[00:50:39] at lunch.

[00:50:40] I suspect we'll use

[00:50:41] the full time.

[00:50:42] I won't bullshit you.

[00:50:43] I don't feel better

[00:50:44] right now.

[00:50:45] John is on a wall path.

[00:50:47] The hire is ignoring me.

[00:50:48] The others are just apologizing

[00:50:49] but they're just

[00:50:50] sorrying through it

[00:50:51] and seem to feel

[00:50:52] really sad.

[00:50:53] My family feels fractured

[00:50:55] which is what

[00:50:56] I was trying to avoid.

[00:50:57] But I don't know

[00:50:58] how much longer

[00:50:59] I would have been able

[00:50:59] to bear it all alone

[00:51:01] in secret.

[00:51:01] I should feel good right?

[00:51:03] Like a weight

[00:51:04] has been lifted

[00:51:04] or whatever.

[00:51:05] Instead I feel like

[00:51:06] I traded one weight

[00:51:07] for another.

[00:51:08] I hate hearing my mom cry.

[00:51:10] It breaks me into pieces.

[00:51:11] I hate feeling like

[00:51:12] my dad hates me.

[00:51:14] I hate that my sister

[00:51:15] blames me for all of this.

[00:51:16] I hate it all so much

[00:51:17] and it's dawning on me

[00:51:19] that there is no path

[00:51:19] back to where things

[00:51:20] used to be.

[00:51:21] I know logically

[00:51:22] that this is a good thing

[00:51:23] or it will be eventually

[00:51:24] but right now

[00:51:26] I'm not ruled by logic.

[00:51:28] Sorry for the depressing ending

[00:51:29] but I guess

[00:51:30] c'est la vie.

[00:51:32] Edit

[00:51:32] Violet has chosen to go

[00:51:33] no contact with me

[00:51:34] for a few weeks.

[00:51:35] I never wanted that

[00:51:36] but I can't make

[00:51:37] her choices for her.

[00:51:39] Edit 2

[00:51:39] You're all such dumplings.

[00:51:41] The amount of virtual hugs

[00:51:43] mom and dad hugs

[00:51:44] support

[00:51:45] resources

[00:51:45] and advice

[00:51:46] have no words

[00:51:47] other than thank you.

[00:51:48] Thank you so much.

[00:51:50] I'm the weirdo

[00:51:51] in a bar right now

[00:51:51] crying good tears

[00:51:52] over my beer

[00:51:53] holding my cell

[00:51:54] like some chalice.

[00:51:55] Lol.

[00:51:57] I never could have imagined

[00:51:58] the absolute kindness

[00:51:59] and love this website

[00:52:00] has brought to my life

[00:52:01] for giving me strength

[00:52:02] and resolve

[00:52:03] to hold my boundaries

[00:52:04] and also the insights

[00:52:05] I needed to hear

[00:52:06] so I know that I'm not alone

[00:52:07] or crazy

[00:52:08] or a waste of space

[00:52:08] or or or.

[00:52:10] Truly

[00:52:10] thank you.

[00:52:12] P.S.

[00:52:13] Sunny said she loves you all

[00:52:14] and will also be your sister.

[00:52:16] Sorry extra edit

[00:52:17] Sunny is now back from work.

[00:52:18] and wanted me to add

[00:52:19] that she loves you all

[00:52:20] except the thorn dildo

[00:52:21] loving trolls.

[00:52:23] She wants you lot

[00:52:23] to dry hump the cactus.

[00:52:25] I let her know

[00:52:26] if she gets me banned

[00:52:27] she owes me dinner

[00:52:28] and she slammed

[00:52:29] a 50 buck bill down

[00:52:30] and went to take a shower.

[00:52:32] So as OP said

[00:52:33] there was a call

[00:52:34] between the sisters

[00:52:35] and it said

[00:52:36] if you're here

[00:52:37] you want to know

[00:52:37] the nitty gritty

[00:52:38] of the call

[00:52:38] I had this morning

[00:52:40] after the zoom call

[00:52:40] from Hades

[00:52:41] with my family.

[00:52:42] So here it is.

[00:52:43] I translated some of it

[00:52:44] because we sometimes

[00:52:45] switch in the language

[00:52:46] my father speaks

[00:52:47] for this family.

[00:52:47] So some of it

[00:52:49] might sound a bit

[00:52:49] stilted and weird.

[00:52:51] I'm no linguist

[00:52:52] but I did record it.

[00:52:53] I don't know

[00:52:54] what I wanted to come

[00:52:55] with that

[00:52:55] but Sunny and some of you

[00:52:56] convinced me

[00:52:57] better safe than sorry.

[00:52:58] I hate that I can't

[00:52:59] trust my twin

[00:53:00] but I frankly don't.

[00:53:02] Violet called

[00:53:03] right on time

[00:53:03] at 6am.

[00:53:04] She had work

[00:53:05] and were I not

[00:53:06] to take time off

[00:53:07] I would too.

[00:53:08] I never told my family

[00:53:09] I was taking time off.

[00:53:10] I didn't want to

[00:53:11] further guilt anyone

[00:53:12] or make them feel

[00:53:13] blamed for my current state.

[00:53:15] We small talked a bit

[00:53:16] we saw our niece

[00:53:17] the other day.

[00:53:18] My home state

[00:53:19] has lovely weather

[00:53:20] right now.

[00:53:21] Anything and everything

[00:53:21] to avoid the elephant.

[00:53:23] Then she said

[00:53:24] well yesterday sucked.

[00:53:26] I laughed and said

[00:53:27] fuck it was the worst

[00:53:28] but maybe for the best.

[00:53:30] She says

[00:53:30] you really think so?

[00:53:32] I said no

[00:53:33] or I don't know

[00:53:34] not sure about it really.

[00:53:36] She said

[00:53:36] you're not the only one

[00:53:37] getting blowback on this.

[00:53:39] I said

[00:53:39] I don't know

[00:53:40] how you want me

[00:53:41] to respond to that.

[00:53:42] She said

[00:53:43] that's what you're

[00:53:44] giving me right now.

[00:53:45] I said

[00:53:45] I tried to tell you

[00:53:46] privately

[00:53:47] remember that.

[00:53:48] She said

[00:53:48] so you decide

[00:53:49] embarrassment is better.

[00:53:51] I said

[00:53:51] I didn't call

[00:53:52] a family meeting.

[00:53:53] She said

[00:53:54] you never told me

[00:53:55] and an OP said

[00:53:56] bullshit

[00:53:57] I did

[00:53:57] more than once.

[00:53:59] Whatever you're

[00:53:59] about to say

[00:54:00] you and I both

[00:54:01] know I tried.

[00:54:02] She said

[00:54:03] the cutting

[00:54:03] you never told me.

[00:54:05] I said

[00:54:05] Vi

[00:54:06] I didn't even

[00:54:06] try to hide it

[00:54:07] from you.

[00:54:08] She said

[00:54:08] that's not the same

[00:54:09] thing.

[00:54:10] I said

[00:54:11] okay

[00:54:11] so

[00:54:11] what do you

[00:54:12] want from me

[00:54:12] right now?

[00:54:13] What do you

[00:54:13] want me to say?

[00:54:14] She said

[00:54:15] sorry would be

[00:54:15] nice.

[00:54:16] I said

[00:54:17] you first then.

[00:54:18] She said

[00:54:19] for what?

[00:54:20] I went on

[00:54:20] what I knew

[00:54:21] what I was told

[00:54:22] I never assumed

[00:54:23] anything.

[00:54:23] I said

[00:54:24] are you really

[00:54:25] saying this

[00:54:25] right now?

[00:54:26] Do you even

[00:54:27] believe yourself?

[00:54:28] She said

[00:54:29] my wedding

[00:54:29] might be off

[00:54:30] now because

[00:54:30] you needed

[00:54:31] what?

[00:54:31] What did

[00:54:32] you want

[00:54:32] from this?

[00:54:33] I said

[00:54:34] I don't

[00:54:34] know.

[00:54:35] She says

[00:54:36] you don't

[00:54:36] know.

[00:54:37] So my

[00:54:37] relationship

[00:54:38] with Daniel

[00:54:39] and my

[00:54:39] mum by the

[00:54:40] way

[00:54:40] casualties

[00:54:41] because

[00:54:41] you don't

[00:54:42] know.

[00:54:43] I said

[00:54:44] crying now

[00:54:45] I wanted

[00:54:46] to not be

[00:54:46] the troubled

[00:54:47] one for five

[00:54:48] seconds okay?

[00:54:49] I wanted

[00:54:49] to know

[00:54:49] the truth

[00:54:50] to come

[00:54:50] out.

[00:54:51] I wanted

[00:54:51] you to

[00:54:52] believe me.

[00:54:53] And she

[00:54:53] cut me off

[00:54:54] saying oh

[00:54:54] get off

[00:54:55] it.

[00:54:56] I get it.

[00:54:56] I'm

[00:54:57] the bad

[00:54:57] guy like

[00:54:58] you made

[00:54:58] dad

[00:54:58] the bad

[00:54:59] guy and

[00:54:59] now they're

[00:55:00] divorcing.

[00:55:00] Is that

[00:55:01] what you

[00:55:01] wanted?

[00:55:02] I said

[00:55:03] what do

[00:55:03] you mean

[00:55:03] they're

[00:55:04] divorcing?

[00:55:05] She said

[00:55:06] check our

[00:55:06] chat dad's

[00:55:07] not even

[00:55:07] home.

[00:55:08] I said

[00:55:09] that's not

[00:55:09] my fault.

[00:55:10] She said

[00:55:11] nothing ever

[00:55:11] is now is

[00:55:12] it?

[00:55:13] I said

[00:55:14] that isn't

[00:55:14] fair.

[00:55:15] We fight a

[00:55:16] lot and I

[00:55:16] admit saying

[00:55:17] some mean

[00:55:17] things just

[00:55:18] just as

[00:55:19] much as

[00:55:19] she did.

[00:55:20] But then

[00:55:20] I asked

[00:55:21] her did

[00:55:22] you know?

[00:55:23] She said

[00:55:23] Daniel told

[00:55:24] me.

[00:55:25] I said

[00:55:25] when?

[00:55:26] She said

[00:55:26] when he

[00:55:27] got home

[00:55:27] but he's

[00:55:28] not who

[00:55:29] he was.

[00:55:29] We were

[00:55:30] kids

[00:55:30] Lily.

[00:55:31] She calls

[00:55:31] me a

[00:55:32] dumb

[00:55:32] nickname

[00:55:32] only when

[00:55:33] she's

[00:55:33] upset.

[00:55:34] I said

[00:55:35] I was

[00:55:35] a kid

[00:55:36] too.

[00:55:36] How does

[00:55:37] he get

[00:55:37] a pass

[00:55:37] for lying

[00:55:38] so much

[00:55:38] and especially

[00:55:39] to you

[00:55:39] and making

[00:55:40] it look

[00:55:40] like he's

[00:55:40] taking a

[00:55:41] moral high

[00:55:41] ground

[00:55:42] by bearing

[00:55:42] a fucking

[00:55:42] hatchet

[00:55:43] he wielded?

[00:55:44] She said

[00:55:44] it's fucked

[00:55:45] up.

[00:55:46] It's also

[00:55:46] fucked up

[00:55:47] now.

[00:55:47] I told him

[00:55:48] I said

[00:55:48] he was

[00:55:49] a dick

[00:55:49] for lying

[00:55:49] and for

[00:55:50] what he

[00:55:50] did

[00:55:51] but his

[00:55:51] mum was

[00:55:52] sick

[00:55:52] it wasn't

[00:55:53] personal.

[00:55:54] I said

[00:55:54] so what

[00:55:55] am I

[00:55:55] supposed

[00:55:55] to do?

[00:55:56] She said

[00:55:57] he's

[00:55:57] offered

[00:55:57] to

[00:55:57] apologize

[00:55:58] would

[00:55:58] that

[00:55:58] help

[00:55:59] do you

[00:55:59] think?

[00:56:00] I don't

[00:56:00] respond

[00:56:01] so she

[00:56:01] asked again

[00:56:02] and I

[00:56:02] don't

[00:56:02] answer

[00:56:03] that time

[00:56:03] either.

[00:56:04] She said

[00:56:05] would it

[00:56:05] help

[00:56:06] if I

[00:56:06] apologized?

[00:56:07] I said

[00:56:08] would

[00:56:08] you mean

[00:56:09] it?

[00:56:09] She said

[00:56:10] what do

[00:56:10] you

[00:56:16] don't

[00:56:16] want

[00:56:16] to

[00:56:16] fight?

[00:56:17] I'm

[00:56:17] all

[00:56:17] out

[00:56:18] of

[00:56:18] fight?

[00:56:18] I

[00:56:19] fall

[00:56:19] up

[00:56:19] to

[00:56:19] here

[00:56:19] with

[00:56:19] fights?

[00:56:20] I

[00:56:20] can't

[00:56:21] defend

[00:56:21] my

[00:56:21] position

[00:56:21] anymore.

[00:56:22] I

[00:56:22] can't

[00:56:37] repeat

[00:56:46] for a spell and just take up some sunshine edit vitex me just now the below listen i'm sorry this

[00:56:54] is all just too much it's like i don't know you anymore you hid a lot from me and i'm your twin

[00:56:58] i should know everything there is to know about you and you should know the same about me

[00:57:03] when did this happen to us where we don't share anymore okay i think i need some space from you

[00:57:08] i'm sorry for hurting you i really am lil but this is fucking with my sanity and i just can't

[00:57:14] deal with you and take care of myself and take care of the people i need to take care of i'll

[00:57:18] unblock you in a couple of weeks i love you lots take care of yourself op comes in with another

[00:57:24] post and says well and today the day that keeps on giving i got a therapy feeling okay not good

[00:57:32] certainly not great and maybe not even better or maybe it is i don't know anymore i'm glad i went

[00:57:38] because i was really just going to cancel and lay back down on sunny's couch and hug my dog until i

[00:57:43] could sleep but it turns out i needed to talk things out i preempted a lot by sending my therapist

[00:57:50] this entire account link and i guess she's a fast reader we sat down and talked it out and she helped

[00:57:56] me make some really hard choices i'm going low contact with dad and john specifically how long

[00:58:01] is tbh but the family group chat has been taken over by their dick measuring contest and trying to

[00:58:06] figure out who is more to blame it was so bad that jonas made another chat specifically without them

[00:58:12] and violet so we can resume sending meaningless memes and such my therapist helped me craft my text to

[00:58:18] both of them it basically said that i understand that this is hard for them but it's been hard on

[00:58:23] me too i told john that i do not blame him for not knowing what he didn't know and i was sorry dad is

[00:58:29] trying to shift the blame on him but that does not excuse blaming me and until he's able to see the

[00:58:34] situation for what it is it's best i go low contact i want to keep contact for the sake of his kids who

[00:58:40] i adore and would die for and that i care about him and as i am getting therapy i hope he will too

[00:58:46] i told dad that john is not at fault john is not my parent i told dad that now when i have negative

[00:58:53] thoughts it's in his voice his choice to say he won't be my dad may have been an empty threat in

[00:58:59] his mind but the impact on that was massive i need space away from him i don't know for how long but i

[00:59:05] can't find a healthy balance with him right now and the way he treated me really hurts i had no time

[00:59:10] to even block him dad shot back at me and asked me if this is my precious daughter talking or i'm

[00:59:16] parroting my mum i don't know what that means but i can make a guess i said no it's lily a person he

[00:59:24] never really got to know he said he won't accept that i am punishing him for not being close to me by

[00:59:30] not allowing him the chance to be close to me and shutting him out he started to make demands we call

[00:59:36] once a week i visit more often things like that i said no he said then he will visit me i said no

[00:59:43] he said you can't tell me what to do that's not how that works i said he won't be welcomed and if he

[00:59:49] can't take low contact for a time then i will go no contact this is my boundary and a hill i will die

[00:59:56] on so he should think before he makes a decision he called me callous and uncaring and hasn't replied

[01:00:01] anything else so i blocked him for now i did get to chat briefly with jonas he was crying a lot and

[01:00:08] saying he was sorry he said he was wrapped up in his own drama and didn't dig deeper to find out what

[01:00:12] was going on with me and now he feels like a worthless brother i told him he isn't worthless he's my

[01:00:18] big brother and i love him to death now that everything is out in the open we can confront it head

[01:00:23] on one small step at a time he then said you're not mad at me i said i was before for a long time

[01:00:29] but i had lumped him in with everyone there was a time i was mad at the world i don't miss the person

[01:00:35] that caused me to become he said from now on he will try to do better and he was sorry about dad's

[01:00:40] attitude i'm glad i was able to talk with him jeremy is another story he's just gone silent no one

[01:00:48] has heard from him yet if i know him the way i think i do he's balling it up all inside and beating

[01:00:54] himself up out of my brothers he's the deep feeder and the one i am closest to he's protective somewhat

[01:01:00] overly so what hazard a guess that he isn't very okay right now mom texts that she will check on him

[01:01:07] i did reply and asked how she is and she told me that now is not the time to be concerned about her

[01:01:12] it's time she'd be a mother so she will see after her children we all chimed in to say she's actually

[01:01:18] amazing in her own way and this alone didn't make her a bad mother she only said that nevertheless

[01:01:23] she has making up to do and hasn't much responded from there either i wish i could say that i felt

[01:01:29] things but i'm honestly so numb right now i think i've cried as much as one human can and

[01:01:34] the urge to cut was really loud in my head past tense that wave passed finally and i took a deep breath

[01:01:41] like i was holding one in for days my therapist is really on board with me using reddit she said

[01:01:47] she likes how expressive i am when it's pretty anonymous and maybe that's a way i can let things

[01:01:52] out guess i'm here to stay she gave me homework on that front apparently there are subs for the

[01:01:58] collective shitstorms that have become my life i can post there or post right here just on my account

[01:02:03] so fuck it i guess lastly i'm considering a leave of absence from work i love what i do but i really

[01:02:10] need time to process before i throw myself in a room of tiny humans with big feelings i always try

[01:02:15] to show up and bring my a game for my kids but right now i'm a d game at best and a flunker at worst i

[01:02:22] do have a lot of pto and i might use a chunk travel update my home go on weird misadventures with a dog

[01:02:28] i don't know haven't decided yet if you're still reading thanks for going on a sliver of my old

[01:02:34] journey with me for everyone who sent me sweet messages sorry for not responding to all but it's

[01:02:39] a lot i am still just so tired i know the tiredness will give way to the grief again i expect to cycle

[01:02:46] through some extremes for a while i know not everyone is her biggest fans but my mom has really

[01:02:50] been stepping up she's paying for my therapy now let's join facebook which for her trust me is a big

[01:02:56] deal just to add all of us she said she's going to therapy soon starts next week and offered to delve

[01:03:02] into savings if any of my siblings want to start she'll pay for the first three months for any of

[01:03:07] us but for me she says a year there's a huge financial relief and i'm so grateful because

[01:03:12] now i can take up the emergency session option that wasn't covered by insurance and i don't have to deal

[01:03:18] with the out-of-pocket bills for a while i'm going to work on my homework i'm sitting in a pub i like in

[01:03:24] my city watching the rain i'm waiting for a late lunch date with another bestie i guess i have to come

[01:03:29] up with a name for her eventually not now though i'll try to end these depressing rants with a

[01:03:34] positive quote or thought from now on this quote is actually from sunny in response to a comment we

[01:03:40] read somewhere in my post where someone said something about the axe forgetting but the tree

[01:03:44] remembers sunny said funny thing about trees though their roots are deep and they can heal and so can you

[01:03:51] and we have a couple more updates in a moment but the progress that op is making at the moment

[01:03:58] i don't mean it in a patronizing way but i feel so proud of them for what they're doing for themselves

[01:04:04] and i'm glad that mom is finally starting to take steps in the right direction i know she was like a

[01:04:10] couple of posts ago before the the phone call between the sisters that she seemed to be making

[01:04:15] progress there were certain parts of it that were still rubbing me the wrong way like to try to force

[01:04:19] that phone call between the sisters initially and the and almost like they're constantly trying to get

[01:04:24] op to to talk about their past trauma when maybe they wasn't ready at that moment but very glad to

[01:04:30] see that things seem to be moving in the right direction currently but op came in with a next

[01:04:36] update which was titled it's a dumpster fire and says hey if anyone's still reading and also just to

[01:04:42] write this out and get out of my brain sorry for dropping off for a while i was pretty low and

[01:04:46] honestly didn't want to do much of anything let's alone talk about this all that said it's been a shit

[01:04:52] week i tried to do my homework but i wasn't very successful there were some really intensely mean

[01:04:58] comments and some affected me more than others my therapist and sunny both just suggested i block

[01:05:03] them so that's what i've been doing i've been posting my own account now so if i want to treat it like an

[01:05:08] open thought anonymous diary i can hold some boundaries for my mental health it has helped but i needed time

[01:05:14] away anyway just to be off my phone and think about next steps i'm using pto to ride out this week and

[01:05:21] next without worrying about my issues affecting the kids i hate doing this so early in in the school

[01:05:27] year but it means a lot to me to bring my best self to the classroom and i'm nowhere near my best at the

[01:05:32] moment sunny and i are taking a trip to a major city here in our state for a few days so i have time to

[01:05:38] relax and she has time to explore and chill before busy season at her job at least that's what she told me

[01:05:43] but of course it's never simple a few days ago an incident happened i don't have all the details

[01:05:50] because i wasn't there but my brothers jacob and jeremy were apparently out at local bars and saw

[01:05:56] daniel i got pieces of what happened from both brothers involved there's conflicting info so here's

[01:06:01] what i can gather jacob was glaring at him drinking and jeremy was starting to sense trouble then daniel

[01:06:08] spotted them and started staring back it's not clear but jacob said he daniel was laughing and i'm not

[01:06:14] sure if it's true but apparently daniel waved at them like an old friend and that set jacob off and

[01:06:20] he flipped him off this prompted daniel to walk over but jeremy was saying hey just leave us alone

[01:06:25] and that my brothers will stay on their side if daniel stays on the other daniel didn't listen and

[01:06:30] tried to pull out a chair at their table but jacob shot up out of his seat and loudly told him to

[01:06:35] fuck off daniel started to get upset but jacob was just getting angrier and threatened him jacob said

[01:06:41] all he told him was to leave them alone or he will make him daniel kept asking why they're treating him

[01:06:47] that way and jeremy said he had to push jacob out of the bar and into the parking lot to calm down

[01:06:53] but daniel later followed them out daniel then said just so they knew he paid their tab for them

[01:06:58] and he doesn't hold any resentment so come on guys can't we just talk and jacob shoved him hard

[01:07:04] but jeremy pulled him into the car and managed to drive off daniel's side came out from violet first

[01:07:10] she said she was told by daniel that jacob actually punched him and cursed him out daniel says he's

[01:07:16] not going to press charges since they are family she told our dad who then called both brothers

[01:07:21] and that's when jeremy thought to call me and jacob joined jacob was in the headspace of he wished he

[01:07:27] actually swung jeremy was pretty upset it happened at all i begged them to please not add fuel to this

[01:07:33] dumpster fire and to just avoid the guy if they can't control themselves i made sure to just block

[01:07:39] violet i made sure just to block violet she really blocked me days ago but i know her and i was right

[01:07:45] that's when daniel calls me i never had his number saved so i answered and he just started with

[01:07:50] it's me can we talk i asked him what he wanted and skipping over a lot of back and forth

[01:07:55] he gave me his side that the two brothers had waved him over only to call him names and later assault him

[01:08:00] he claimed he was trying to keep the peace but this all really stems from my problem with him so

[01:08:05] he's hoping to talk it out i told him i don't want to speak with him he needs to talk to his fiance or

[01:08:11] someone else he says violet has been stressing over all this and this incident has made it worse

[01:08:16] he says she's been inconsolable and he thinks she's depressed and after the incident she tried to reach

[01:08:22] me to talk my brothers down but found that i blocked her and cried herself to sleep he said he's

[01:08:27] genuinely scared for her mental health because all she does is lay around not eat and cry because

[01:08:32] everyone hates them i started to text my brothers not john as he is still blocked in our group chat

[01:08:38] with just us to ask if this was true is she behaving this way is she refusing to eat are there signs is

[01:08:45] she okay what i got back is that they don't know that she's refusing to speak to any of them except

[01:08:51] john she hasn't been speaking to mom at all even as jeremy outright blocked on everything

[01:08:56] this was the day i decided to take more time off because it all just felt like too much

[01:09:01] i wanted to know if she was okay and i wanted to be there for my brothers

[01:09:04] i knew my involvement wouldn't be the cure to this issue and i couldn't bear to make this worse

[01:09:10] i just asked them to please not give anyone any reason to paint them as aggressors

[01:09:14] and that i'm taking a step back for a few days but will be on text if they need me

[01:09:18] jeremy responded for me to enjoy and relax on my time off

[01:09:21] but the others left message on red and all but jake had sent a react emoji to jeremy's sentiment

[01:09:27] i'm just trying to focus on my trip and have a good time away so when i get back i'm more in a headspace

[01:09:32] to handle this i know dad also discovered i blocked him and has been hounding at least two of my brothers

[01:09:37] to send messages from him to me but none has complied i just keep it vague that dad's still upset but take

[01:09:44] your time anytime i ask i miss john because he was always the steadying force of his kids and plus

[01:09:50] he kept us mostly in line right now it just feels like everyone is free falling some of them that i

[01:09:56] know of have taken mom up on letting her pay for their therapy i really hope it helps them

[01:10:02] right now therapy for me sucks i know it's not meant to be a walk in the park or anything but i mean

[01:10:07] this sucks i'm doing my best to keep boundaries regulate my guilt unlearn this need to take a

[01:10:13] flight home and try to fix all this in my current state of being i'm in an online support group i

[01:10:19] haven't been in a meeting yet but it's for people who have self-harm tendencies or our ideation i want

[01:10:25] to preempt relapse and intercutting my friends including sunny have been great and checking on me

[01:10:30] regularly on the day my demons really had me on the ropes we had a game night and played dragon age

[01:10:36] and just hung out great game by the way i've sadly chose to take a break from my relationship with my

[01:10:41] partner i can't remember if i mentioned having one it was just a really busy person in a very busy

[01:10:46] time of life and i can't go about infecting anyone else's life with this shit the door is open for us

[01:10:52] to rekindle if we both choose later on a very specific timeline but between you and me i don't

[01:10:58] think this will calm down within said timeline maybe i hope it will but i don't feel 100 confident

[01:11:04] so i guess that's where i'm at at the moment as promised here is a quote so it isn't ending on

[01:11:09] a sour note it was shared by my therapist and i can't even remember where it originated

[01:11:14] laugh deeply as if it is breathing make it your choice make joy your choice

[01:11:21] and op's latest post which was titled the messages how do i even try to tackle this from the beginning is

[01:11:31] fuzzy so i will do my best to put this in order i went on a trip to the city with my besties and we

[01:11:36] stayed together for three days it was a blast and i remember real moments that i truly forgot the

[01:11:41] shit storm waiting for me back home and just lived we had margaritas went to wine tasting watched a movie

[01:11:48] found down there every museum and every hole in the wall underrated food truck we could my besties

[01:11:54] bought me a ticket to an artisan package so we took wine or coffee session classes learning the basics

[01:11:59] on clay molding resin art painting floral arrangements and more it was a freeing time and it gave me some

[01:12:05] time to clear my head when i got home i got back to reality daniel had called me over 20 times in three

[01:12:11] days violet only seven my dad went as far as to find my discord somehow and messaged me there

[01:12:17] so i guess i will try to do this in order daniel at first was still trying to talk to me into

[01:12:23] talking it out but then it steadily changed when i clearly wasn't answering he accused me of being a

[01:12:28] coward who can't own up to my shortcomings and finally that my sister is not well now and it's

[01:12:34] a shame i don't care about her and i guess you're not as good as a person that i figured you for

[01:12:38] i thought you not mature violet's messages were mostly incoherent and she was crying through the

[01:12:45] majority she was sending me voice messages over messenger i forgot to block her she sent me a video

[01:12:51] of her crying and asking me what she can do what did she do to deserve this she said that if i wanted

[01:12:56] her to leave him she would but she needs to know why i don't value her happiness the last two messages

[01:13:03] were her saying i need to come to my mind again and consider the harm i'm causing with all this

[01:13:07] she blamed me for mom now not coming to the wedding then she dropped the bomb that the wedding is on a

[01:13:14] pause because now mom won't pay for her share of it dad can't fund it solo and john now has said he

[01:13:20] won't attend either so she's upset no one from her side will come she's positive i'm pulling the string

[01:13:26] from the background somehow and then she said something that shattered me he's my high school

[01:13:31] sweetheart you're jealous no one even liked you back then and then hung up i shared the messages in

[01:13:38] the group chat and that includes dad and john yes i unblocked them for this and i just muted it i went

[01:13:44] to watch deadpool with my friends who are still staying with me at my place as i'm still off work

[01:13:48] i spent the night with them making diy journals mine doesn't look too shabby if i do say so myself

[01:13:55] and mostly actively working to not pay attention to the group chat finally my father sent the longest

[01:14:01] i am your father text demanding i come home and talk about this with everyone saying that i have a

[01:14:07] career and i'm stable and okay in life so clearly i'm exaggerating if not outright lying about cutting

[01:14:13] oh that fucking prick he said he wasn't serious about not being my dad and the fact that i took

[01:14:19] it that way shows how sensitive i am as i always was a sensitive one made comments about how desperate

[01:14:25] for attention i must be being the youngest and that life is not like tv when it's i'm the baby got to

[01:14:31] love me and the youngest is the darling he screamed fuck you fuck you grow the fuck up i screenshot it all

[01:14:38] and save the voice recordings within an hour he unsent all of it i did cry but my friends printed

[01:14:44] the pages of screenshots and said come outside the next day so i did they were at the fire pit we burned

[01:14:50] them all and then we drank and we shared affirmations with one another it was honestly a wonderful night

[01:14:56] then maybe a little high maybe a little drunk we drafted this message to the family group chat

[01:15:01] where everyone can see hey it's lily i know so much has happened i really try not to make this into a

[01:15:09] huge deal but it is one daniel was terrible to me and now i'm convinced he is still i don't support

[01:15:16] the wedding i won't be made of honor i won't attend i make no demands but i won't tolerate any made of me

[01:15:23] if you wish to discuss this great but if you want to manipulate me or try to force me into

[01:15:28] a gaslit compromise i will start or resume no contact i cannot slide backwards into my self-harm

[01:15:35] and unfortunately as much of what pushed me to self-harm is associated with a situation

[01:15:40] i'm forced to protect my own well-being i love you all more than anything i want to believe you feel

[01:15:46] the same i need to do what is best for me i love you all very much my heart is yours lillian

[01:15:52] john responded by calling me i answered he was in tears it sounded he was overwhelmed as sarah

[01:15:59] his wife was actually pregnant and he's preparing for another child he didn't mean to be a jerk he

[01:16:05] just got defensive he apologized a lot in the call and i said i forgave him but it would take time for me

[01:16:11] to trust him or for things to go back to what it was i apologize for blindsiding him and not being

[01:16:16] more up front but also i was sorry dad turned it around on him i'm now out with my gal pals as a

[01:16:22] hurrah before i return to work in five days i still have to clean the house and prep for returning to

[01:16:28] the classroom to be honest i miss being in the classroom and i'm so excited to get back for the

[01:16:33] first time in a while i feel so much more ready to do so and bring my 100 or even 75 ish to my

[01:16:41] classroom i've received some sweet messages from students and other teachers it's all been such a

[01:16:46] boost as for therapy going okay group is easier because it's virtual and it's just people

[01:16:52] struggling we all are just people on at least a similar page this helped to know i'm not alone

[01:16:58] i still have urges to cut or purge but i can cope now a bit better i did report this to my medical

[01:17:04] team though and have a friend who'll stay with me for a while or up to thanksgiving if needed i think

[01:17:10] that's it sorry if it's messy i'm gonna sell anyway good night and here's my quote try to be a rainbow

[01:17:16] in someone's cloud maya a edits i'm surprised the people who still even care about me and my

[01:17:22] problems it's uplifting thank you so much to answer a question i've seen a lot so i'm processing the

[01:17:28] amount of comments and messages dad is blocked again he made his choice i guess i made mine too

[01:17:34] can i just say your friend group in this sound absolutely amazing such a so supportive of you

[01:17:43] and you know just lean on them any moment you can because they sound like they embrace that and they

[01:17:49] just want you to be happy and that's what you truly deserve after everything that you've been

[01:17:54] through in this one story and this is just a small slither of what you've been through and my heart

[01:17:59] breaks for you that you've had to go through that still going through that and people like your dad who

[01:18:05] oh my god he's so frustrating and i know it's just so difficult to cut off people that you do love but

[01:18:12] he's so not good for you he's not going to change he's manipulative he's trying to blame anyone by

[01:18:19] himself he tries to blame you he tries to blame john he tries to blame anyone as long as it does not fall

[01:18:24] back on his shoulders and again daniel causing trouble where he can and then twisting the story when

[01:18:30] he gets back to violet he hasn't changed at all is he and i think all i can do op is wish you all the

[01:18:36] positivity going forward i really do wish you the best and when you get back in that classroom

[01:18:41] and see all the little happy faces i hope that brings you joy as well but what an amazing story

[01:18:47] from op the thoughts and feelings involved it's just mind-blowing for me but now i'm going to turn this

[01:18:53] one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the

[01:19:00] comments below and just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories showing

[01:19:06] your love your support your time not just towards me but towards each other in the comments to the op

[01:19:11] of this story as well and i will see you in the next one take care and much love