I RECORDED My Ex Asking For An Open Relationship Then Sent It To Her Parents r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from OpenThroway9 from the AmITheArseholeHere subreddit and says, AmITheArsehole for sending a recording of my ex to open our relationship to her parents.

[00:00:33] GEEWIZ, WHAT A TITLE

[00:00:35] I, male 26, broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years, Mary, female 27, about a month ago. Because she asked me to open our relationship. It is, was and always will be a major line in the sand for me. Something that I opened up to her about in the past. We've had a great relationship and the only thing that stands out, and the only reason it stands out now is because of this situation, is she progressively starting to open our relationship.

[00:01:00] I started making a lot more sexual jokes about some of our shared friends over the last few months. Some involved her being with them and others with three way jokes etc.

[00:01:10] I won't lie. I played along a little, but I consistently made some joking response along the lines of, You're more than enough for me and slash or I don't like sharing. Never took any of it seriously because why would I? Until she asked and I found out and realized that she was probably trying to gauge my response and see how open I was.

[00:01:32] Mary asked when we were getting ready for bed about a month ago, kind of bluntly. I was scrolling on my phone and she was getting changed and goes, If I asked you to open the relationship, would you?

[00:01:44] This might sound super corny, but it was like I had an out of body experience and all of the above hit me at once.

[00:01:51] All the jokes and comments so far made sense in a, She's trying to butter me up to the idea, kind of way and went really numb for a second.

[00:02:00] To her credit, she must have seen how freaked out I was and asked if I was okay.

[00:02:04] I pretended I didn't hear her and asked her to repeat herself and she was really hesitant to.

[00:02:11] Kept saying she didn't say anything and only repeated it when I insisted.

[00:02:15] Then I went to voice notes, set it to record and put my phone down to talk to her.

[00:02:20] I don't remember much of it, just that I tried to stay calm and keep her talking.

[00:02:25] But the note is just over an hour and a half long and it feels like I'm listening in to a conversation that happened between two strangers.

[00:02:33] She trickled truth all the way through it and ultimately stuck to the idea that she hadn't been cheating.

[00:02:39] She didn't have any one person in mind but had been fantasizing about mutual friends and people at work

[00:02:45] and seemed to get the idea that they'd be open to something if she asked.

[00:02:49] A lot of it is her being defensive and me trying to needle information out of her without it escalating into an argument.

[00:02:56] A lot of me placating her and trying to make her feel comfortable enough to keep talking.

[00:03:01] The apartment is mine and I suggested we take a break a few nights later.

[00:03:05] So she went to stay with a friend for the weekend.

[00:03:08] By the next Monday I'd spoken to some of my friends and my sisters separately

[00:03:13] and come to the conclusion that we were done

[00:03:16] and suggested she start looking for somewhere else to stay.

[00:03:19] She was upset but didn't really argue and had the vast majority of her stuff out

[00:03:24] and at her parents house by the end of the week.

[00:03:28] So, coming to two days ago her mum reached out over whatsapp to say she was disappointed

[00:03:33] in how I'd handled everything.

[00:03:35] The message wasn't really framed in a way that she was reprimanding me

[00:03:38] more that she wished we could have worked it out.

[00:03:41] She then added me to a group chat with her husband

[00:03:44] ex's stepdad

[00:03:45] and they both kinda tag teamed me saying that we could work it out.

[00:03:48] I was making a mistake in that I shouldn't overthink things.

[00:03:51] I eventually got it out of them that my ex had fed them a very vague story

[00:03:56] that we'd broken up because she'd wanted to take the next step in our relationship

[00:04:00] and that I'd freaked out.

[00:04:02] We'd argued and she'd been effectively kicked out.

[00:04:05] The stepdad was leaning on the fact that he thought I was more mature than this

[00:04:09] and her mum just kept repeating how disappointing this whole situation was.

[00:04:14] So, I was pissed.

[00:04:16] In the heat of the moment, I told them I had the recording of our conversation

[00:04:21] that I could send that would explain what she actually meant about taking the next step.

[00:04:26] I initially tried to email it to them but it was being a ball ache

[00:04:29] so I eventually shared it via drive.

[00:04:32] In the meantime, I took a few screenshots of my ex and eyes messages.

[00:04:35] Ones where she had made jokes and comments about sex with our friends

[00:04:39] and a lady from her office

[00:04:40] and sent them along to that shared chat group.

[00:04:43] I haven't heard back since.

[00:04:44] Again, it's been two days and I don't feel as vindicated anymore.

[00:04:49] A good few of my ex's comments were about other women

[00:04:52] and I'm freaking out because I don't know how, if at all,

[00:04:55] open she's been about her sexuality with them.

[00:04:58] I also think I shouldn't have engaged at all

[00:05:00] and I shouldn't have felt the need to prove my innocence to either of them.

[00:05:04] From IVR So.

[00:05:06] I've checked in with a few friends and over social media

[00:05:09] and it doesn't look like there's been any fallout.

[00:05:12] Also, my ex blocked me a week ago.

[00:05:14] Before I spoke to her parents

[00:05:16] so I can't really contact her without going in person.

[00:05:19] And at this point,

[00:05:20] is it too late to even give her a heads up or check in?

[00:05:25] To address a few points I've seen in multiple comments.

[00:05:28] We don't live in the US

[00:05:29] and we have no laws on recording private conversations on the books.

[00:05:33] I'm not proud of doing it but it wasn't illegal.

[00:05:37] Mary and I have had several mature, calm conversations

[00:05:40] about what we both wanted out of this relationship.

[00:05:43] Mary wasn't sure if she wanted to stay

[00:05:45] and kind of admitted to self-sabotaging

[00:05:47] by asking about opening the relationship.

[00:05:50] Mary and I have been friends since we were 11.

[00:05:53] Her mum was my coach when I swam competitively

[00:05:56] and our friend group and families are very close and intermingled.

[00:05:59] So she was worried about what could happen

[00:06:02] if we went on a break or fully broke up.

[00:06:05] I was not trying to punish her for being open to polyamory.

[00:06:08] Mary and I are both bi

[00:06:10] and when I was in my last year of high school

[00:06:12] I was involved in an inappropriate relationship

[00:06:14] with a teaching assistant.

[00:06:16] He was arrested and registered as a sex offender.

[00:06:19] But during the time we were involved

[00:06:21] he convinced me to be with other people as well.

[00:06:23] He effectively pimped me out for a year

[00:06:25] and physically assaulted me

[00:06:27] when I eventually said no and tried to cut him off.

[00:06:30] Mary knew all of the above

[00:06:32] and she helped me through it at the time.

[00:06:33] And I was very clear that I can't do something like that again.

[00:06:37] I know that what I went through

[00:06:38] wasn't an actual open relationship

[00:06:40] but it was very much framed as one

[00:06:42] and that has stuck with me.

[00:06:44] I would never put down other people for doing it

[00:06:46] but I made this all very clear to Mary

[00:06:49] and the other serious relationship I was in before her.

[00:06:51] I've carried a lot of issues from then

[00:06:53] into future relationships

[00:06:56] and I'm in therapy and I've worked with Mary

[00:06:58] to not punish her for what other people have done to me

[00:07:01] but for as great in support Mary was.

[00:07:03] She did have an issue with trying to gaslight me.

[00:07:06] She would say one thing

[00:07:07] and then typically during an argument

[00:07:08] would vehemently argue otherwise

[00:07:11] and genuinely make me question myself.

[00:07:13] It took her coming to therapy with me

[00:07:15] and sometimes showing her texts

[00:07:17] for her to realize that this was a problem

[00:07:19] and we'd been working on it together.

[00:07:22] Me recording her was still not right

[00:07:24] but it wasn't an attempt to gather something incriminating

[00:07:27] it was just a response.

[00:07:28] It was a poor response that I shouldn't have done

[00:07:30] but it wasn't malicious

[00:07:32] nor did I intend it to send to anyone at the time.

[00:07:35] Also since making this post

[00:07:36] and reading your replies

[00:07:37] I've gone back to her parents to apologize.

[00:07:40] I did try and tell them that she wasn't being honest

[00:07:42] and that I wanted to keep things private

[00:07:44] but they kept going on about me being immature

[00:07:46] and that this was disappointing.

[00:07:49] I'll be honest

[00:07:49] I got a bit angry again

[00:07:51] rereading some of their messages

[00:07:52] but it really didn't warrant me

[00:07:54] outing Mary the way I did.

[00:07:56] I appreciate everyone's judgment.

[00:07:59] First commenter says

[00:08:00] you're defending yourself

[00:08:01] because she couldn't be honest

[00:08:03] and unleashed her parents on you.

[00:08:05] Any results are her responsibility

[00:08:07] not the arsehole.

[00:08:09] Opie says

[00:08:10] I don't think she intentionally

[00:08:11] sicked her parents on me

[00:08:12] but also feel like

[00:08:14] I don't even know

[00:08:14] who she really is at this point.

[00:08:16] I also don't like the feeling

[00:08:17] of just making shit difficult for her

[00:08:19] even though she's clearly

[00:08:21] still telling half truths.

[00:08:23] Kindly Celebration says

[00:08:24] I might not have shared the recording

[00:08:26] and screenshots

[00:08:26] but I would have said

[00:08:27] look if you two have an open relationship

[00:08:30] and raised her to see that as

[00:08:31] the next step

[00:08:32] that's great for you guys

[00:08:33] but I'm not comfortable

[00:08:34] having that kind of relationship

[00:08:35] and won't be pressured

[00:08:37] into having an open relationship

[00:08:38] and then block all of them

[00:08:40] not the arsehole.

[00:08:42] Key Hovercraft says

[00:08:43] it sucks

[00:08:44] but they really piled on.

[00:08:46] I would have just said

[00:08:47] she wanted an open relationship

[00:08:48] and then

[00:08:49] if they didn't believe you

[00:08:50] you offered the evidence.

[00:08:51] I totally get being accused

[00:08:53] of something you didn't do

[00:08:54] with the additional pile on.

[00:08:56] I would have sent it.

[00:08:57] Just block all of them

[00:08:58] and find someone who loves you

[00:08:59] or enjoy being single for a while.

[00:09:01] Sorry

[00:09:01] I know this hurts right now.

[00:09:04] Adorable Leng

[00:09:05] says everyone sucks here.

[00:09:06] OP's ex shouldn't have lied.

[00:09:08] Her parents shouldn't have messaged OP.

[00:09:10] OP definitely should not have recorded her.

[00:09:13] Jump to sending the recording

[00:09:14] and track down screenshots

[00:09:15] that possibly outed her to her parents.

[00:09:18] Cupica says

[00:09:19] you said that Mary wasn't sure

[00:09:21] if she wanted to stay

[00:09:22] and sabotage the relationship.

[00:09:24] You also said

[00:09:25] that she gaslighted you several times.

[00:09:27] Sounds to me

[00:09:28] that she wanted to end the relationship

[00:09:29] but not by herself

[00:09:30] because she didn't have the courage.

[00:09:33] She made you end it

[00:09:34] and painted you as the bad guy

[00:09:35] in front of her parents

[00:09:36] and most probably other people.

[00:09:38] You are really not the arsehole

[00:09:39] for sending the voice recording.

[00:09:41] If she manipulated you

[00:09:42] into ending the relationship

[00:09:43] and telling lies

[00:09:44] she definitely should suffer

[00:09:46] the consequences.

[00:09:47] To be honest

[00:09:48] I have no pity for her

[00:09:49] and you should not either.

[00:09:52] And for me

[00:09:52] with

[00:09:53] you know

[00:09:54] the trickle truthing

[00:09:54] that was mentioned

[00:09:55] the gaslighting

[00:09:56] I just didn't feel

[00:09:58] very much sympathy

[00:09:58] in this situation

[00:10:00] either

[00:10:00] for you sending it

[00:10:01] especially when you're

[00:10:02] getting the accusations

[00:10:03] thrown at you

[00:10:04] but now it's just the time

[00:10:06] to

[00:10:06] cut these people off

[00:10:08] and be done with it

[00:10:09] pretty much.

[00:10:13] Nachricht

[00:10:34] But

[00:10:35] OP did come in

[00:10:36] with an update

[00:10:38] and says

[00:10:38] Hi everyone

[00:10:40] I want to preface this

[00:10:41] with a genuine thank you.

[00:10:43] I came to this sub

[00:10:44] because my mind

[00:10:45] was all over the place

[00:10:46] yesterday

[00:10:46] and you all helped me

[00:10:47] clear it up a little.

[00:10:49] Even the people

[00:10:50] who clearly weren't

[00:10:51] trying to be helpful.

[00:10:52] As a result

[00:10:53] on reflection

[00:10:53] I'm not sorry

[00:10:55] for recording her.

[00:10:56] I understand that

[00:10:57] people don't like

[00:10:58] the idea of being

[00:10:59] recorded by an

[00:11:00] intimate partner

[00:11:00] especially when having

[00:11:01] an intimate conversation

[00:11:03] and you naturally

[00:11:04] support Mary

[00:11:05] on that front

[00:11:06] of solidarity.

[00:11:07] But all I can say is

[00:11:08] you do not know

[00:11:09] what Mary is like

[00:11:10] or what our relationship

[00:11:11] was like either.

[00:11:13] A little before

[00:11:13] she came to therapy

[00:11:14] with me

[00:11:15] and the incident

[00:11:16] that pushed me

[00:11:16] to try and get her

[00:11:17] to come with me.

[00:11:18] Mary texts me

[00:11:19] to pick her up

[00:11:20] a Smarties McFlurry

[00:11:21] on the way home

[00:11:22] from work.

[00:11:23] When I brought it

[00:11:24] home and gave it

[00:11:25] to her

[00:11:25] she told me

[00:11:26] she asked for

[00:11:26] a dairy milk one

[00:11:28] one they don't

[00:11:29] even do here anymore

[00:11:30] and rolled her eyes

[00:11:31] at me

[00:11:31] not listening

[00:11:32] to her again.

[00:11:34] Trying to show her

[00:11:34] what she had sent

[00:11:35] led to a 15 minute

[00:11:36] shouting match

[00:11:37] which resulted

[00:11:38] in her throwing

[00:11:39] a rice cream

[00:11:39] at the wall

[00:11:40] and shattering

[00:11:41] my phone screen.

[00:11:42] That's one

[00:11:43] incident of many.

[00:11:45] She told me

[00:11:46] I was flirting

[00:11:46] for holding

[00:11:47] the door open

[00:11:48] for a group

[00:11:48] because they were

[00:11:49] girls you were

[00:11:50] clearly trying

[00:11:51] to impress.

[00:11:52] With them

[00:11:53] and went on

[00:11:54] such a long tirade

[00:11:55] about my male

[00:11:56] chivalry

[00:11:56] was just a selfish

[00:11:57] way to gain

[00:11:58] attention from

[00:11:59] women beyond her.

[00:12:00] I'm not apologizing

[00:12:02] anymore for

[00:12:03] recording her.

[00:12:03] I would have had

[00:12:04] such a visceral

[00:12:05] need to defend

[00:12:06] myself if I wasn't

[00:12:07] with someone

[00:12:07] who kept hurting

[00:12:08] me.

[00:12:09] I made that

[00:12:10] recording because

[00:12:10] I knew she would

[00:12:11] lie and she did

[00:12:12] but I thought she

[00:12:13] would lie to me

[00:12:14] not to other people

[00:12:15] and I wanted it

[00:12:16] strictly so I had

[00:12:17] her words there

[00:12:18] on my phone

[00:12:18] should she start

[00:12:19] claiming she said

[00:12:20] anything else.

[00:12:21] At the end of the

[00:12:22] day though we didn't

[00:12:23] end up having any

[00:12:24] of that and we

[00:12:25] parted maturely.

[00:12:27] I understand that

[00:12:28] a lot of you

[00:12:28] won't believe that

[00:12:29] was my intention

[00:12:30] and I'll just have

[00:12:31] to live with that.

[00:12:32] Beyond all that

[00:12:33] I'm still sorry for

[00:12:34] sending it to her

[00:12:34] parents as a way

[00:12:35] to get back at her.

[00:12:36] Her parents have

[00:12:37] always been very

[00:12:38] pro-LGBTQ+.

[00:12:40] So although it

[00:12:41] wasn't right to

[00:12:42] out her I was

[00:12:43] massively overthinking

[00:12:44] them harming her

[00:12:45] or kicking her

[00:12:45] out.

[00:12:46] At most exposing

[00:12:47] her interest in

[00:12:48] polyamory would

[00:12:48] have embarrassed

[00:12:49] her but nothing

[00:12:50] I shared would

[00:12:51] have put her in

[00:12:51] any danger.

[00:12:53] That being said

[00:12:54] I saw red during

[00:12:55] that exchange and

[00:12:56] saw this as a way

[00:12:57] to finally show

[00:12:57] people I wasn't

[00:12:59] misremembering

[00:13:00] things.

[00:13:00] It was spiteful

[00:13:02] and vindictive

[00:13:03] and I can see so

[00:13:03] many different ways

[00:13:04] I could have dealt

[00:13:05] with the situation

[00:13:06] calmly.

[00:13:07] But I was angry

[00:13:08] and I didn't do

[00:13:09] any of them.

[00:13:09] And for that

[00:13:10] I am still sorry.

[00:13:12] Like I said in the

[00:13:13] edit to my previous

[00:13:14] post I apologized

[00:13:16] to her parents.

[00:13:17] I apologized for

[00:13:18] getting angry

[00:13:18] cussing them out

[00:13:19] and for sharing

[00:13:20] private information

[00:13:21] about their daughter

[00:13:22] to them.

[00:13:22] I fully acknowledged

[00:13:24] that I was being

[00:13:24] spiteful and that

[00:13:25] it was a harsh

[00:13:26] escalation of a

[00:13:27] response.

[00:13:28] Anne and Paul

[00:13:29] or I call them

[00:13:30] for this post

[00:13:31] accepted it at face

[00:13:32] value but asked

[00:13:33] if I could come

[00:13:34] over for lunch this

[00:13:35] afternoon so we

[00:13:36] could have an

[00:13:36] actual conversation.

[00:13:38] It was nice but

[00:13:39] really awkward too.

[00:13:41] Mary wasn't there.

[00:13:42] I apologized again

[00:13:43] and Paul and Anne

[00:13:45] said they were

[00:13:46] sorry for interfering

[00:13:47] and not giving me a

[00:13:47] chance to tell my

[00:13:48] side.

[00:13:49] We both agreed

[00:13:50] we'd acted

[00:13:50] inappropriately and

[00:13:51] that going forward

[00:13:52] we wouldn't involve

[00:13:53] ourselves in this

[00:13:54] topic.

[00:13:55] They're things on

[00:13:56] relatively better

[00:13:57] terms but I'm not

[00:13:58] going to talk to

[00:13:58] them for a while.

[00:14:00] Above everything

[00:14:01] they are Mary's

[00:14:02] parents and they

[00:14:02] will always be in

[00:14:03] her corner as

[00:14:04] parents should be

[00:14:05] so keeping my

[00:14:06] distance is in

[00:14:07] everyone's best

[00:14:08] interest.

[00:14:09] As for Mary she

[00:14:10] unblocked me late

[00:14:11] last night and let

[00:14:12] loose a tirade of

[00:14:13] angry messages.

[00:14:14] They mostly of

[00:14:15] course consisted of

[00:14:16] how creepy and

[00:14:17] disgusting I was

[00:14:18] for recording her.

[00:14:20] Again I recorded

[00:14:21] her because I

[00:14:22] knew she'd lie and

[00:14:23] all she did was

[00:14:24] prove my point.

[00:14:25] Which despite

[00:14:26] still cussing me

[00:14:26] out she had no

[00:14:27] real response for.

[00:14:29] I got from her

[00:14:30] Anne and Paul that

[00:14:31] things are

[00:14:31] understandably

[00:14:32] awkward after

[00:14:33] what I'd shared

[00:14:34] but she's still

[00:14:35] staying with them

[00:14:36] for the time

[00:14:37] being.

[00:14:37] They've not

[00:14:38] discussed it with

[00:14:38] her beyond

[00:14:39] letting her know

[00:14:40] they'd heard the

[00:14:41] recording and

[00:14:42] now knew she'd

[00:14:43] lied.

[00:14:43] There has been no

[00:14:44] indication of

[00:14:45] negative consequences

[00:14:46] and that's it.

[00:14:48] I'm reeling from

[00:14:49] four years of a

[00:14:50] relationship being

[00:14:50] over with my

[00:14:51] girlfriend and

[00:14:52] best friend using

[00:14:53] my own trauma as

[00:14:54] a way to make me

[00:14:54] break up with her

[00:14:55] and then pretending

[00:14:56] everything was okay

[00:14:57] just to lie about

[00:14:58] me behind my back.

[00:14:59] But what is hurting

[00:15:01] me more is how I

[00:15:02] only now understand

[00:15:03] from reading replies

[00:15:04] to my post and

[00:15:05] talking to my

[00:15:06] friends that I was

[00:15:07] with yet another

[00:15:08] abuser and I'm

[00:15:09] nowhere near as

[00:15:10] strong or as over

[00:15:11] what happened to

[00:15:12] me as I thought.

[00:15:14] Thanks for your

[00:15:15] help.

[00:15:16] And there was a

[00:15:16] couple of comments

[00:15:17] on this post one

[00:15:18] with a reply from

[00:15:19] OP.

[00:15:19] Polygon Man says

[00:15:20] I mean the very

[00:15:21] fact that you knew

[00:15:22] she would start

[00:15:22] lying and recorded

[00:15:23] her to protect

[00:15:24] yourself from

[00:15:24] gaslighting shows

[00:15:26] that it was an

[00:15:26] abusive relationship.

[00:15:28] Emotional manipulation

[00:15:29] including gaslighting

[00:15:30] is a form of

[00:15:31] abuse.

[00:15:32] Also throwing

[00:15:33] things against

[00:15:34] walls, breaking

[00:15:35] your phone or

[00:15:36] that other shit.

[00:15:37] You've been abused

[00:15:38] for years.

[00:15:39] She wasn't your

[00:15:40] best friend.

[00:15:40] She was your

[00:15:41] abuser.

[00:15:42] What you need to

[00:15:43] do is get away

[00:15:44] from her and her

[00:15:44] family completely

[00:15:45] to completely

[00:15:46] separate for a

[00:15:47] nice long chunk

[00:15:48] of time so you

[00:15:48] can get some

[00:15:49] perspective.

[00:15:50] Because the fact

[00:15:51] that you were

[00:15:51] with her for four

[00:15:52] years means that

[00:15:53] you have some

[00:15:53] shit to work out.

[00:15:54] No one,

[00:15:56] literally not one

[00:15:57] human being on

[00:15:58] the planet should

[00:15:59] accept being with

[00:16:00] someone like her.

[00:16:02] Foxy Sly Old

[00:16:03] Stoty Fox says,

[00:16:05] ah, a gaslighting

[00:16:06] ex-girlfriend.

[00:16:07] Memories.

[00:16:08] You're right.

[00:16:09] Not all women are

[00:16:10] like this but it

[00:16:11] hurts when you

[00:16:11] sink several years

[00:16:12] of your life into

[00:16:13] someone who is.

[00:16:15] Lopey says,

[00:16:16] in addition to my

[00:16:17] post, I want to

[00:16:18] make something

[00:16:18] crystal clear.

[00:16:19] Are people still

[00:16:20] going through the

[00:16:21] comments claiming

[00:16:21] that Mary asking

[00:16:22] for an open

[00:16:23] relationship is

[00:16:24] some indicator of

[00:16:25] modern women or

[00:16:26] her being inherently

[00:16:28] promiscuous or

[00:16:29] using it to push

[00:16:30] some narrative?

[00:16:31] We're weird and

[00:16:32] annoying.

[00:16:33] In addition to

[00:16:34] people who

[00:16:34] deliberately skewed

[00:16:35] the order of

[00:16:36] events and or

[00:16:37] tried to patronizingly

[00:16:38] psychoanalyze me

[00:16:40] to try and frame me

[00:16:41] as worse than I

[00:16:42] actually am were

[00:16:43] especially unhelpful.

[00:16:44] I understand that

[00:16:46] what I did struck a

[00:16:47] nerve with a lot of

[00:16:48] people and I

[00:16:49] wholeheartedly

[00:16:49] recognize how I

[00:16:51] did not do what a

[00:16:52] lot of people would

[00:16:53] have preferred I do

[00:16:53] in that situation.

[00:16:55] I came to the sub

[00:16:56] for advice and

[00:16:57] judgment.

[00:16:58] So please judge me

[00:16:59] for what I did,

[00:17:00] not what you think

[00:17:01] I did.

[00:17:02] And the final

[00:17:03] comment from

[00:17:04] Blonde Boba Fett

[00:17:05] who says,

[00:17:06] OP, reading your

[00:17:07] edits in your

[00:17:08] original post and

[00:17:09] your ex's behavior,

[00:17:10] I'm so happy you

[00:17:11] got out.

[00:17:12] If she's throwing

[00:17:13] and breaking stuff

[00:17:14] that is beginning

[00:17:15] signs of things

[00:17:16] potentially escalating

[00:17:17] to physical abuse,

[00:17:18] I stay away from

[00:17:19] her and block her

[00:17:20] moving forward.

[00:17:23] Absolutely.

[00:17:24] And I agree with

[00:17:25] one of those

[00:17:26] previous comments

[00:17:26] that separating

[00:17:27] yourself from the

[00:17:28] parents as well

[00:17:29] now and just

[00:17:30] moving on with

[00:17:31] your life is the

[00:17:31] best course of

[00:17:32] action here.

[00:17:34] It sounded like

[00:17:35] you've been through

[00:17:36] a lot before you

[00:17:37] even came into

[00:17:37] this relationship

[00:17:38] and now with this

[00:17:39] relationship as well,

[00:17:40] you know, I think

[00:17:41] it's going to take

[00:17:42] some time to unpack

[00:17:43] and move forward.

[00:17:45] So with that,

[00:17:46] all I can do is

[00:17:47] wish you all the

[00:17:48] best, OP.

[00:17:49] Truly.

[00:17:51] Much love to you.

[00:17:52] But now, let's

[00:17:53] move on to

[00:17:54] another story.

[00:17:57] And I picked out

[00:17:58] the next story just

[00:17:58] because I was really

[00:17:59] interested in what

[00:18:00] this means in the

[00:18:01] title.

[00:18:02] It's from

[00:18:04] icyshelter9897

[00:18:05] from the

[00:18:05] Am I the

[00:18:05] Arsehole subreddit

[00:18:06] and says,

[00:18:07] Am I the

[00:18:07] Arsehole for

[00:18:08] telling my wife

[00:18:08] I hate her

[00:18:09] fridge scaping?

[00:18:11] Recently, my wife

[00:18:13] has taken to

[00:18:14] fridge scaping.

[00:18:15] I guess it's a

[00:18:16] recent trend because

[00:18:17] I'd never heard

[00:18:18] about it before

[00:18:19] this.

[00:18:19] She started

[00:18:20] decorating our

[00:18:21] fridge and it

[00:18:22] was really getting

[00:18:23] on my nerves.

[00:18:24] For example,

[00:18:25] she'd put flowers

[00:18:26] in the fridge,

[00:18:27] in vases,

[00:18:28] in front of

[00:18:29] food.

[00:18:30] She'd have to

[00:18:30] move things just

[00:18:31] to get to the

[00:18:32] food.

[00:18:32] She'd put all

[00:18:33] of our food in

[00:18:34] fancy baskets,

[00:18:36] jars, and similar

[00:18:37] things.

[00:18:37] I know it

[00:18:38] sounds absurd,

[00:18:39] but if you just

[00:18:40] search up

[00:18:40] fridge scaping,

[00:18:41] you'll see what

[00:18:43] I'm talking about.

[00:18:44] Alright, I'm

[00:18:45] just going to have

[00:18:45] a little quick

[00:18:45] Google and I'll

[00:18:47] show a couple of

[00:18:47] images on screen

[00:18:49] of what I found

[00:18:50] immediately.

[00:18:51] Just a quick

[00:18:51] explanation for the

[00:18:52] podcast listeners.

[00:18:53] There's basically,

[00:18:54] I'm not even sure

[00:18:55] how to explain this,

[00:18:57] there's like fairy

[00:18:57] lights in the

[00:18:58] fridge, a little

[00:18:59] pot with some

[00:19:00] daisies in it,

[00:19:02] another jar with

[00:19:03] flowers in it.

[00:19:04] It's just,

[00:19:05] there's even like

[00:19:06] a little deer

[00:19:06] in here,

[00:19:07] like a little

[00:19:07] figurine.

[00:19:08] It looks like you

[00:19:09] have to make your

[00:19:09] fucking way through

[00:19:10] Narnia to get to

[00:19:11] the butter.

[00:19:12] But OP continues,

[00:19:13] I didn't care at

[00:19:14] first because I

[00:19:15] don't have to use

[00:19:16] the fridge much

[00:19:16] anyways.

[00:19:17] I don't cook a lot,

[00:19:18] but she's getting

[00:19:20] too meticulous with

[00:19:21] it and adding too

[00:19:22] much decor.

[00:19:23] It's made the

[00:19:23] fridge very uninviting

[00:19:25] for me.

[00:19:25] She gets upset

[00:19:26] when I get

[00:19:27] something from the

[00:19:28] fridge and don't

[00:19:28] put things back

[00:19:29] perfectly.

[00:19:30] She keeps taking

[00:19:31] it as a personal

[00:19:32] slight and acts

[00:19:33] like I've done

[00:19:34] something to

[00:19:34] deliberately hurt her

[00:19:35] when I haven't.

[00:19:36] I just find it

[00:19:37] unnecessary to

[00:19:38] maintain such an

[00:19:39] organized fridge.

[00:19:40] Before she started

[00:19:41] this, it would take

[00:19:42] me 30 seconds to

[00:19:43] grab something quick

[00:19:44] from the fridge,

[00:19:45] whereas now it's a

[00:19:45] whole ordeal.

[00:19:47] Last weekend, she

[00:19:48] confronted me after I

[00:19:49] grabbed some leftovers

[00:19:50] from the fridge and

[00:19:51] left it in a

[00:19:53] disarray, according to

[00:19:54] her.

[00:19:55] I explained how I

[00:19:56] find the hobby

[00:19:57] stupid and she can

[00:19:58] decorate other

[00:19:59] things.

[00:19:59] It doesn't have to

[00:20:00] be the fridge.

[00:20:01] It gets in the way

[00:20:03] when I want to

[00:20:03] quickly eat.

[00:20:04] When I come home

[00:20:05] from work hungry

[00:20:06] and tired and want

[00:20:07] to grab a quick

[00:20:07] bite is frustrating.

[00:20:09] I also talk to my

[00:20:10] son about it and he

[00:20:11] finds it annoying,

[00:20:12] which I told her.

[00:20:13] She didn't argue

[00:20:15] back after that and

[00:20:16] she's removed all

[00:20:17] the decorations from

[00:20:17] the fridge, which I

[00:20:18] have to admit has

[00:20:19] been relieving.

[00:20:20] But she's also been

[00:20:21] acting very distant

[00:20:22] towards me and just

[00:20:23] hasn't been herself.

[00:20:25] That's been weird

[00:20:25] intimacy wise.

[00:20:27] Am I the arsehole

[00:20:28] here for this?

[00:20:29] Mary Cannes says

[00:20:30] no one's an arsehole

[00:20:30] here.

[00:20:31] It's reasonable to

[00:20:32] not want too much

[00:20:33] decor in the fridge

[00:20:34] or to not be

[00:20:35] scolded if you

[00:20:36] don't put things

[00:20:36] back perfectly.

[00:20:37] But you did

[00:20:38] totally belittle

[00:20:39] something that

[00:20:40] brought your wife

[00:20:40] joy and made her

[00:20:41] feel creative.

[00:20:42] Not surprised she's

[00:20:43] been distant.

[00:20:44] Most people don't

[00:20:45] like it when you

[00:20:46] shit on their

[00:20:46] interests and most

[00:20:47] people like it even

[00:20:48] less when it's a

[00:20:49] spouse.

[00:20:50] I'm nicer to my

[00:20:51] friends about their

[00:20:51] interests that I

[00:20:52] don't like than you

[00:20:53] are to your literal

[00:20:54] wife.

[00:20:55] Not understanding

[00:20:55] that it might make

[00:20:56] her distant is

[00:20:57] completely clueless of

[00:20:58] you to be honest.

[00:21:00] Edits,

[00:21:00] apparently if you

[00:21:01] tell people to be

[00:21:02] nice to their

[00:21:02] partners they get

[00:21:03] really triggered.

[00:21:05] Welford Nelford

[00:21:06] says,

[00:21:07] Today I learned

[00:21:08] about fridge

[00:21:08] scaping.

[00:21:09] Thanks.

[00:21:10] I hate it.

[00:21:11] Not the arsehole.

[00:21:12] If it makes

[00:21:12] someone happy to

[00:21:13] store food in

[00:21:14] attractive containers

[00:21:14] and neatly

[00:21:15] organize the fridge

[00:21:16] that would be one

[00:21:17] thing.

[00:21:18] But adding crap

[00:21:18] like flowers,

[00:21:19] framed pictures

[00:21:20] and assorted

[00:21:21] tchotchka

[00:21:22] that make it

[00:21:23] difficult to use

[00:21:24] the fridge for

[00:21:24] its intended

[00:21:25] purpose is just

[00:21:26] plain ridiculous.

[00:21:29] Toring Potato

[00:21:30] says,

[00:21:30] You know,

[00:21:31] most of these

[00:21:31] am I the arsehole

[00:21:32] posts come down

[00:21:32] to communication.

[00:21:34] It's hardly ever

[00:21:34] the situation.

[00:21:35] You are not the

[00:21:36] arsehole for not

[00:21:37] wanting your fridge

[00:21:38] scaped,

[00:21:38] but you're the

[00:21:39] arsehole for how

[00:21:39] you talk to people.

[00:21:40] There's so many

[00:21:41] better ways you

[00:21:42] could have

[00:21:42] approached it

[00:21:43] and you

[00:21:43] approached it

[00:21:44] out of anger

[00:21:44] and annoyance

[00:21:45] and belittled

[00:21:46] your wife and

[00:21:46] made her feel

[00:21:47] it was you and

[00:21:48] your son against

[00:21:49] her.

[00:21:49] To her,

[00:21:50] this was a fun

[00:21:50] little hobby that

[00:21:51] felt fulfilling to

[00:21:52] her and you

[00:21:53] essentially told her

[00:21:54] that the thing

[00:21:54] that brought her

[00:21:55] happiness is stupid

[00:21:56] and annoying and

[00:21:57] to stop.

[00:21:58] You could have

[00:21:59] said it looks

[00:21:59] wonderful but it's

[00:22:00] a bit inconvenient

[00:22:01] and maybe she

[00:22:02] could have put her

[00:22:02] efforts somewhere

[00:22:03] else like the

[00:22:04] laundry room because

[00:22:05] as much as you

[00:22:06] enjoy the aesthetic,

[00:22:07] the fridge didn't

[00:22:08] seem the best place

[00:22:09] to showcase her

[00:22:09] efforts.

[00:22:10] Be nice to

[00:22:11] people you love.

[00:22:12] Why does that

[00:22:13] seem so fecking

[00:22:14] hard?

[00:22:15] Why don't people

[00:22:16] do that more

[00:22:16] often and the

[00:22:17] audacity to wonder

[00:22:18] why she doesn't

[00:22:19] want to be intimate

[00:22:20] afterwards?

[00:22:21] I only shat all

[00:22:23] over her hobby.

[00:22:24] Why is she not

[00:22:25] taking all her

[00:22:25] clothes off?

[00:22:27] Be nice to your

[00:22:27] wife.

[00:22:28] Apologize and say

[00:22:29] it the right way.

[00:22:30] And there's always

[00:22:31] a right and wrong

[00:22:31] way to communicate

[00:22:32] with someone you

[00:22:33] love.

[00:22:33] Right now you're

[00:22:34] the asshole,

[00:22:35] not because of

[00:22:35] the situation but

[00:22:37] because you treat

[00:22:37] your wife like

[00:22:38] she's less.

[00:22:40] Be better.

[00:22:42] Agreeable Error

[00:22:43] says people seem

[00:22:44] to think that

[00:22:44] because your

[00:22:45] wife's hobby is

[00:22:46] stupid that makes

[00:22:46] it alright to be

[00:22:47] a dick to her.

[00:22:48] It does not.

[00:22:49] There are ways

[00:22:50] to communicate

[00:22:50] your dissatisfaction

[00:22:52] without telling her

[00:22:52] something she did

[00:22:53] was stupid.

[00:22:54] That's what your

[00:22:55] wife is upset about.

[00:22:56] Not that you

[00:22:57] didn't like it but

[00:22:58] because of the way

[00:22:59] you told her.

[00:23:00] And for bringing

[00:23:01] your son into it.

[00:23:02] You're the

[00:23:03] asshole.

[00:23:05] Tweet Champion

[00:23:06] says I think

[00:23:06] people should stop

[00:23:07] being so

[00:23:08] understanding about

[00:23:09] everything.

[00:23:10] Decorating inside

[00:23:11] of the fridge with

[00:23:12] flowers and stuff is

[00:23:13] bloody stupid and

[00:23:14] that's that.

[00:23:16] Demanding other

[00:23:16] people keep up

[00:23:17] your fridge

[00:23:18] decoration intact is

[00:23:19] beyond bloody

[00:23:20] stupid.

[00:23:20] Telling your

[00:23:21] spouse he or

[00:23:22] she is being

[00:23:23] mental is not

[00:23:24] being an arsehole.

[00:23:25] And he did not

[00:23:26] even tell her.

[00:23:27] Jesus.

[00:23:28] And the comments

[00:23:29] on this one were

[00:23:29] literally all over

[00:23:31] the place.

[00:23:32] There's everyone

[00:23:32] sucks here.

[00:23:33] No one's an

[00:23:33] arsehole here.

[00:23:34] Not the arseholes.

[00:23:35] You're the arseholes.

[00:23:37] It's all there.

[00:23:38] People coming from

[00:23:39] all sorts of

[00:23:40] different angles.

[00:23:41] But what do you

[00:23:42] guys make of this

[00:23:43] situation?

[00:23:45] Let us know your

[00:23:45] thoughts down in the

[00:23:46] comments below.

[00:23:49] You learn something

[00:23:50] new every day,

[00:23:50] don't you?

[00:23:51] And just a huge

[00:23:52] thank you for being

[00:23:52] here today.

[00:23:53] Getting involved in

[00:23:54] the stories.

[00:23:54] Your love, your

[00:23:55] support, your time

[00:23:56] always means the

[00:23:57] absolute world to me.

[00:23:58] So thank you so,

[00:23:59] so much.

[00:24:00] And hopefully I'll

[00:24:01] see you in the

[00:24:02] next one.

[00:24:02] Take care and

[00:24:04] much love.