I Put Our Wedding On Hold After Fiance Invited My Abusive Father, Fiance Then Gave An Ultimatum

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[00:00:48] And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from themitheasshole here, subreddit from PracticalWill7046 Subreddit from PracticalWill7046 Subreddit from PracticalWill7046 Subreddit from PracticalWill7046 Subreddit from PracticalWill7046 Subreddit from PracticalWill7046 Subreddit from PracticalWill7046 Subreddit from PracticalWill7046 Subreddit from PracticalWill7046 Subreddit from PracticalWill7046

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[00:08:28] Subreddit from PracticalWill7046 Subreddit from PracticalWill7046 Subreddit from PracticalWill7046 Subreddit from PracticalWill7046 Subreddit from PracticalWil7046 from too old for this spit who says not the arsehole, you made your position clear and your ex stomped on it. Honestly, posts about this type of situation are infuriating.

[00:11:07] Why can't people accept that when someone cuts a close family member out of their life, it's for a good reason? Nobody makes the decision to permanently remove a toxic person on a whim. When we do it, it's for a cause.

[00:11:20] The outside world may see one or two petty reasons, but they don't know the mountain of hurt that came before. All they think is, but it's family, forgive, forgive, be the bigger person.

[00:11:32] When none of it is any of their business and they should just stay out of it. Pardon my rant, you had good reason to cut off your father and your ex should have respected your choice. After you get yourself settled, I hope you find someone worthy of you.

[00:11:49] This podcast is brought to you by eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Why doesn't eHarmony allow copy and paste in first messages? Because you are unique and your conversations should reflect that. eHarmony wants you to find someone who will get you.

[00:12:05] How are you going to know who gets you? If people send you the same generic conversation starters, they message everyone else. Conversations that actually help you get to know each other. Imagine that. Get who gets you on eHarmony. Sign up today. Ryan Reynolds here from InMobile.

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[00:12:45] Unlimited more than 40 gigabytes per month. Slows. Full terms at mintmobile.com. The OP comes in with our update and says just a quick update. I'm going back to therapy, but everyone who responded to my post really gave me the reassurance I did the right thing.

[00:13:00] My dad hasn't come by my apartment, but I'm planning to move out. I've been staying in a sublet apartment since I didn't renew my lease on my last place. Me and my ex plan to move in together. I'm moving in with my sister.

[00:13:11] She has a den in her house she's converting into a bedroom. It's adding much more time to my commute, but it'll do for now. I'm going to change my number and I'm not planning on giving it to my ex or his family,

[00:13:22] but I did want to reach out to his mom. We've been a part of each other's life for a long time, but I wanted her to know this wasn't how I wanted things to be. Of the people who contacted me, she was not aggressive towards me.

[00:13:35] I should have been more clear in my initial post. She was just very disappointed. My ex's dad, sister, cousins and aunts were the ones harassing me, and I was blocking them but they were using other numbers.

[00:13:48] Probably belonging to other family members or their partners, and they were making fake profiles online so they can message me through Instagram. Even if a profile is private, you can still receive messages.

[00:13:58] I called his mom and she was cold but I explained how hurtful their treatment of me was. She was apologetic but said she thinks people were just mad and doesn't understand how I could just end our relationship because my ex asked if I wanted to invite my dad.

[00:14:12] I was confused and told her that he did ask me when we first got engaged. I didn't immediately call off our relationship. I postponed the engagement because he straight up invited my dad despite me telling him I didn't want him there.

[00:14:24] I only ended the relationship because he gave me an ultimatum. She asked why I never said anything to anyone and I told her because no one asked. I just got sent a bunch of hateful messages, why would I respond to people who treated me like that?

[00:14:38] She was apologetic and told me she'd make sure her family knew. I told her it didn't really matter but I just wanted her to know because she was important to me and I thought maybe I was important to her too.

[00:14:48] She got really sad after that and started crying so I guess she does care somewhat. I've gotten a few other texts from people and they've been very apologetic too. I'm not expecting anything from those who haven't messaged me but it's nice to know

[00:15:02] that there are some people that are willing to put their ego aside to apologize. I looked online but couldn't find a response about how long my ex can keep his stuff at my place.

[00:15:11] When we first broke up I sent him an email and text but he never responded. So I tried calling him, emailed and text him again and I mailed him a letter letting him

[00:15:20] know that he had 30 days to get his things with copies of my initial text and email asking for him to claim his items. I don't know if he got the letter but yesterday he texted me and asked me if when he came to

[00:15:32] pick up his things we could talk alone. I was hesitant but I guess I really just want to put all of this behind me and I want to make clear to him in person. I told him we could meet in a public place and he agreed.

[00:15:43] My brother drove me to a cafe this morning and waited in the outside patio while I went in to meet my ex. According to him, got it into his head that he was going to be making a childhood dream

[00:15:53] of mine come true which was having a real relationship with my dad. I did tell him once that when I was younger and asked my dad to consider signing my mom's divorce papers I hoped we could rebuild our relationship to the point where he could walk

[00:16:05] me down the aisle and dance with me at my wedding. But that was years ago before my dad blocked me, before I learned the truth about his physical mental and emotional abuse towards my mom and siblings, before I really came to terms

[00:16:18] with how manipulative and careless he had been towards me. Plus the whole thing was that I wanted to make sure that our relationship got to the point where he could come to my wedding.

[00:16:27] He didn't put in any effort or work to rebuild our relationship so it makes no sense for him to just show up out of nowhere. He apologized and admitted that when he saw my reaction he knew he messed up but he didn't

[00:16:39] know how to admit that so he only gave me that ultimatum as a bluff. He never expected me to actually break off the engagement but he already dug himself so deep he didn't know what to do and he said he lied to his family because he knew

[00:16:52] he was wrong and didn't want his family to hate him. He asked if we could work on our relationship and go to couples therapy. He told me we could start over but I just said no.

[00:17:02] I don't think he had good intentions and pointed out like so many others did that it went against my wishes and brought my dad back into my life. He was 6 months in contact with an abuser and never told me his ultimatum, the fact that

[00:17:17] he realized he was wrong and didn't apologize and the fact that he lied to his family was all very manipulative. A few people pointed out he might have a savior complex. I've been re-evaluating our relationship and I feel like that may be the case.

[00:17:30] Either way none of that matters anymore. I don't want him in my life. I don't think he'll be trying to come back into my life anytime soon. He cares too much about appearances to try and pull anything. He's supposed to get his things tomorrow.

[00:17:43] My brother and uncle will be present and they're both big guys and I know he's intimidated by them. I'm not planning to stay in the apartment in the meantime and the only friend who knows where I'm going is my childhood friend of 20 years. I think that's it.

[00:17:56] I'm gonna stay single for a while, go to therapy and just stay active and enjoy life. I'm super glad for OP that they didn't try to rebuild anything because that is just so concerning.

[00:18:08] I'm still trying to get into the mindset of like you've heard about your partner's past, you know that their dad was abusive and everything that they've been through and you still think somehow in your mind that you're gonna invite this abuser into their home, into their safe space.

[00:18:23] It's just messed up. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. And our next story does come with an update as well from Fabulousplenty5465 from the Am

[00:18:38] I the Arsehole subreddit and says, Am I the arsehole for refusing to pay for my girlfriend's plane ticket after she decided to stay longer on a trip without me? Throw away because she knows my reddit. So here's the deal.

[00:18:51] My 28 male girlfriend, 27 female of 2 years and I planned a 2 week vacation to Italy. I paid for the flights, hotels, everything because I make more than she does and I wanted it to be a stress free trip for the both of us.

[00:19:06] Everything was great until the last day when she tells me she wants to stay longer to find herself and think about our relationship without me. She didn't discuss this with me beforehand and it completely blindsided me.

[00:19:18] I was hurt and told her if she feels she needs time alone then she should also be independent financially during this extension of her trip. I said I wouldn't be paying for a new return ticket whenever she decides to come back.

[00:19:31] Now she's upset, calling me unsupportive and selfish and some of our friends are saying I'm being an arsehole because I left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help. So reddit, am I the arsehole for refusing to pay for a new plane ticket home after she

[00:19:46] chose to extend her trip without any heads up? Now to me you didn't leave her stranded, she had a ticket, she still had that ticket she could have used and chose not to use it. Surely that's on her.

[00:20:00] If I'm being completely honest, if I got to this point where you said and I'm picturing the scenario where she said she wants to find herself and think about our relationship without me then that would make me think that the relationship is pretty much dead and why would

[00:20:14] you fund a relationship that's dead? And like anyway, she's got a ticket, she wasn't stranded. But Nini says not the arsehole, she can find herself on her own dime. That's reasonable and fair.

[00:20:28] In quotes now she's upset, calling me unsupportive and selfish and some of our friends are saying I'm being an arsehole because I left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help. Then says you have been supportive and unselfish, you didn't complain or become difficult, you

[00:20:42] respected her decision to stay and find herself. Supportive does not necessarily mean you have to pay for her choices. Even though you didn't strand her in a foreign country without financial help, it was her decision to stay behind. All you did was respect her decision.

[00:20:57] However, it was not your obligation to fund her decision. She's a grown woman which means she's responsible for her choices and her financial independence. If you invited her on a couples trip, well the couples trip is over.

[00:21:09] She decided to stay on her own, that's no longer part of the deal. She has every right to stay behind, she also has the right to pay for that out of her own pocket. I've never seen this manipulative before. Red flag. Unusually Scented says

[00:21:25] Quotes about finding herself and says not the arsehole. It sounds like she wanted to find herself with some Italian guys. This would be a very clear end to the relationship for me. I strongly suspect you have noticed her drawing away in the last few months.

[00:21:38] A final comment from Unique User who says not the arsehole. I'm sorry friend, it sounds like this is the beginning of a breakup with her comments about finding herself and thinking about the relationship. She's not the arsehole for considering breaking up with you, because not all relationships

[00:21:52] work out but she became the flaming arsehole when she wanted you to bankroll her extended overseas holiday while she ponders whether or not she wants to keep seeing you or not. This will likely be difficult, I try to see this as an opportunity to weed out who your

[00:22:06] real friends are, as any sane person who is actually your friend would be outraged on your behalf. Even if you were Bill Gates levels of rich and the money meant nothing to you, it would be insanely rude for someone to ask you to bankroll their breakup with you.

[00:22:19] The OP comes in with her update and says thank you to all the people who responded, especially the early ones who gave me some outside verification of me probably not being the arsehole. I don't feel comfortable saying I'm completely blameless here because you're only getting

[00:22:32] one side of the story and I need to take responsibility for my part in this whole thing such as it is. But I guess I never realized how good my girlfriend was at making me feel like unreasonable shit

[00:22:42] was normal and rational and that I was the crazy one. So here's the update, we're both back in America now so she's packing her shit to go stay with her family for a bit until she can find a new place.

[00:22:53] Soon after I posted it was time to go to the airport so I did without her. I'm one of those people who arrives really early because I never think I'll get to the gate in time because everything that could go wrong probably would go wrong, it never

[00:23:05] does but especially with how I was feeling my luck was going, I didn't want to push it. I was there for about an hour by myself mulling things over and talking to my mom.

[00:23:15] I looked at a couple of responses to this post but I didn't trust that I wouldn't lose it if I started responding and I definitely didn't want to burst into tears while I was in the airport. As I was talking to my mom, my girlfriend showed up.

[00:23:27] I guess she thought I was bluffing but had a rude awakening when the hotel staff kicked her out of the room because I'd only paid through that day. I took no small amount of satisfaction in this, not gonna lie.

[00:23:38] She had been so concerned about the plane ticket that she didn't even stop to think about where she was going to stay. As many of you guessed, she met someone while we were in Italy.

[00:23:48] She was quick to tell me that it was just a physical attraction and that they hadn't done anything but she had his ads and was wanting to see if it'd go anywhere.

[00:23:55] I guess that's what I get for not feeling well and wanting to stay in one night while she went out to explore. Basically I told her things were over between us, even though she tried to make it sound like nothing had happened.

[00:24:07] The fact was A, I couldn't feel like I could trust her when she said that and B, I don't really want to be with someone who feels like it's okay to, but still, keep her options open when she's been in a monogamous relationship for the past two years.

[00:24:20] The flight home was awkward as fuck and she tried really hard to give another pitch for why we should stay together on the drive home from the airport. I think as we got closer to home, reality started settling in and she realised she'd just thrown a lot away.

[00:24:35] But yeah, I'm jet lagged and physically and emotionally exhausted and I'm just kinda numb at this point. Finally I didn't see all the comments as there are 2,500 at the time of this update,

[00:24:46] but to the few that were downvoted into Oblivion who said this was fake because I hadn't updated in several hours, fuck you. I was looking for reasonable dissenting opinions that might have helped me make sense of the

[00:24:58] situation and you're accusing me of making this up for random internet points. Believe it or not, my priority was not to tell a bunch of strangers on the internet how my world was falling apart around me.

[00:25:08] I know it's easy to think that these people aren't real and their struggles are meaningless because screens divide us but ironically, you're the assholes. Ooh, little switcheroo at the end there. And that one comment saying about finding a tally and guys, it did have me thinking

[00:25:25] Has she found someone? And it turned out to be the case. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. What would you have done if you was OP?

[00:25:38] Let us know your thoughts and just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world so thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:25:50] Take care and much love. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive?

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