I Published A Children's Book And My Boyfriend Called It "Meaningless" r/Relationships

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[00:00:33] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well.

[00:00:35] My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

[00:00:39] And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider in that like, subscribe, maybe that

[00:00:43] notification bell too.

[00:00:45] And let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:48] Much love guys.

[00:00:49] Now, today's first story comes from You're Gonna Eat That Babe who says, I made a dumb

[00:00:54] joke about my boyfriend.

[00:00:55] Am I the arsehole here?

[00:00:58] So I need the opinion of people not attached to me or him, but my boyfriend got mad at

[00:01:03] me Sunday and he's been ignoring me since.

[00:01:05] So I feel like maybe I am the arsehole here.

[00:01:09] So I am female 35 and he is male 35 and we've known each other 10 years and dated too.

[00:01:16] He knows how much I like writing books.

[00:01:19] I self-published a kids book last month and he's been really quiet about it.

[00:01:23] This past weekend at my family cookout, my father mentioned the book and how proud he

[00:01:28] is of me.

[00:01:28] But my boyfriend walked inside saying he was grabbing our drinks.

[00:01:32] At the end of the day, my parents offered me some money to go to a book convention and

[00:01:37] my boyfriend audibly scoffed.

[00:01:39] On the way home, I asked what his deal was and he said that his job, he's a back-end software

[00:01:45] engineer, will provide for us and he will let me have my fun as a creative for now, but

[00:01:50] I eventually have to grow up.

[00:01:52] I laughed because I assumed he was joking.

[00:01:54] He of course was upset and told me my meaningless book was objectively illustrated poetry.

[00:02:01] I shut down and then he was upset I was acting mad, so I changed the subject.

[00:02:07] He continued to make my book a topic by jokingly saying my glorified illustrated poetry shows

[00:02:14] my middle child syndrome or that I must crave mediocre attention from people.

[00:02:19] I shrugged and replied, hey if you think you are mediocre, okay and moved on.

[00:02:25] He texted me the next morning saying I tore him down and was being a bully and he was kidding

[00:02:30] with me and he hasn't at all responded to me since.

[00:02:34] I'm away on a planned work trip and now I'm overthinking it maybe.

[00:02:38] Am I the arsehole here?

[00:02:41] This wasn't a joke.

[00:02:42] He just doesn't want you to succeed and you know the whole post was screaming red flags at

[00:02:48] me but one particular line was like whew where he says he will let you have your fun as a

[00:02:53] creative for now, but you have to grow up.

[00:02:57] The amount of control I picked up from that line was just immense and then it has the cheek

[00:03:02] to turn around to you and say that you tore him down and was being a bully which was just

[00:03:07] Darvo vibes all over from me.

[00:03:10] And the question that I always ask, do you really want to be with this person?

[00:03:15] Someone like that?

[00:03:16] I gotta ask myself, has it always been this way?

[00:03:19] Is this new behavior?

[00:03:21] You've known each other for 10 years and dated these two.

[00:03:24] Has it only changed in those last two years?

[00:03:27] Has he always been like this?

[00:03:29] But Craptastic Life says, why does he think it's okay to jokingly tear you down?

[00:03:34] He sounds very immature and unsupportive.

[00:03:36] Is this someone you really want to hitch your wagon to?

[00:03:40] A user says, recently read a paper of an experiment that was run.

[00:03:44] People were told that their partner had scored well on the test, in the upper 10% percentile

[00:03:49] or something of that nature.

[00:03:51] Even in instances where the person hadn't themselves taken the test.

[00:03:55] The men participating reported lower self-esteem from their partner doing well.

[00:03:59] Could be her success at publishing a book has made him feel bad about himself, so he's

[00:04:03] minimizing her effort and success to make himself feel better.

[00:04:07] Heather Reads Reddit says, not the arsehole.

[00:04:10] Please rethink being with someone who outright scoffs and puts you down regarding something

[00:04:14] that you care about.

[00:04:15] And who tried to act like he was joking when you got upset about it.

[00:04:18] It won't get better.

[00:04:20] You can find someone else who isn't threatened by your endeavors.

[00:04:23] I wish you well.

[00:04:25] Dry Sandwich says, he's 35.

[00:04:28] He clearly doesn't want you to succeed with books.

[00:04:31] You need to ask yourself, why is that?

[00:04:33] He sounds like a lot of men I work with.

[00:04:36] They think they're God's gift because they deal with engineering, physics and computing.

[00:04:40] They all have girlfriends and wives who are not paid much and who are dependent on them.

[00:04:45] Based on the way these men talk, I have the following possibilities for you.

[00:04:48] Is it that your boyfriend doesn't want to share the spotlight?

[00:04:52] Doesn't want you to be financially successful?

[00:04:55] Presents that his work is not fun and yours is.

[00:04:58] Doesn't want you to spend time on a career because he thinks you should be at home catering

[00:05:02] to him.

[00:05:03] His comments were rude and unnecessary.

[00:05:06] I generally try not to tell people to break up because a short post here can't represent

[00:05:10] the complexity of the average relationship.

[00:05:13] But from what you've said, I'm tempted.

[00:05:16] This is a big deal that you need to be very emphatic and insistent on resolving it.

[00:05:20] And a final comment from DJ Paperclip who says,

[00:05:23] Just to give you a comparison.

[00:05:25] If I was dating someone who self-published a book, I'd be telling everyone I know.

[00:05:31] I would use my skills in marketing to help with increasing sales.

[00:05:34] I would help reach out to publishers if it was something my partner wanted to do full time.

[00:05:38] I would find avenues to help them succeed because I would view their success as my success.

[00:05:43] And I would do all of this, even if a part of me thought the idea was silly or stupid.

[00:05:48] For the sole reason that I enjoy helping people I care about and don't view significant others,

[00:05:53] family or friends as competition.

[00:05:56] So then OP comes in with their update and says,

[00:05:59] Edit to say, I'm calling him Chris here.

[00:06:01] Hey y'all, on mobile, but had to post this because what a time to be alive.

[00:06:06] I broke up with Chris a few hours ago.

[00:06:09] Boy, howdy.

[00:06:10] He ignored me for a full day and I hadn't reached out to him because I was honestly fed up with his attitude.

[00:06:16] We've been together for two years and I'd never seen him act this way.

[00:06:20] I flip-flopped between maybe he was having a bad day or something was going on

[00:06:24] and he transferred his negative energy in my book.

[00:06:27] But no.

[00:06:28] He's just a soggy, moldy, baby carrot.

[00:06:32] Oh, I have to use that one sometime.

[00:06:34] I didn't think I had dreams of my own or I'd throw it away for him.

[00:06:39] My mutual friends have told me that he had basically told him that I rubbed my success in his face

[00:06:44] and made him feel like a simp just following his girlfriend around,

[00:06:47] being ignored when he has a successful business and has the higher paying job.

[00:06:52] He texts the day after his silent treatment that my not reaching out to him was a sign that I don't love him

[00:06:57] and went on to say that I love my book more than I love him

[00:07:01] because I neglected him while working on it

[00:07:04] and then I didn't praise him at the party as my biggest supporter.

[00:07:07] The rest of his paragraphs long text went on to talk about how he had this whole plan

[00:07:13] that he would marry me and we would be engaged this year.

[00:07:16] But then you started not listening to me drop things and focus on us, our lives in the future.

[00:07:23] By taking up hobbies that my therapist poisoned me against him.

[00:07:26] I was diagnosed with depression this year and therapy has helped a lot.

[00:07:30] It hurt because I felt immediately like all I do was just rubbish to him.

[00:07:35] How the fuck can you say that?

[00:07:36] I loved him so much because he was someone I thought I would be with forever.

[00:07:40] Guess not.

[00:07:41] I got angry and text him to ask,

[00:07:43] What makes you think I don't love you?

[00:07:45] I'd do anything for you.

[00:07:47] And just as I hit send, his new message popped up and it said,

[00:07:51] You wrote your book and you got your party.

[00:07:53] I assume now that I can finally have my girlfriend back.

[00:07:56] We can have a talk.

[00:07:57] I don't think you understand how I want our marriage to be,

[00:08:00] so I want to make things clear.

[00:08:02] But then he responded to my message.

[00:08:05] Are you kidding me?

[00:08:06] If you're not going to prioritize me over a book no one but you cares about,

[00:08:10] why am I even staying with you?

[00:08:12] I can go and find a woman who supports her man and wants his career and dreams to be successful.

[00:08:17] So I said,

[00:08:18] Alright, go find her.

[00:08:19] We clearly don't work.

[00:08:21] Best of luck.

[00:08:22] He said,

[00:08:23] Wait, you breaking up with me?

[00:08:26] I said,

[00:08:27] What do you want me to do because you made it clear I'm not what you want anymore?

[00:08:30] He says you can't just break up with me.

[00:08:33] Opie said,

[00:08:33] Chris, please.

[00:08:35] He said,

[00:08:35] You can't just make that decision for me.

[00:08:38] You can't break us up like this.

[00:08:39] It's been two years.

[00:08:41] I said,

[00:08:41] Two years in which one thing I wanted to do.

[00:08:44] One thing I was proud to have done.

[00:08:46] And you needed to shit on it.

[00:08:48] You've been so sour about it and I don't get it.

[00:08:51] So get your better woman.

[00:08:53] He said,

[00:08:53] But you can't just break up with me.

[00:08:55] We have to talk.

[00:08:57] He then calls and I declined.

[00:08:59] He says,

[00:09:00] Pick up.

[00:09:00] You're being ridiculous.

[00:09:02] He shows up at my door and the second I opened it trying to push in.

[00:09:06] But I had the chain lock on.

[00:09:08] He was screaming at me.

[00:09:09] He said,

[00:09:09] I can't break up with him.

[00:09:10] It's been two years.

[00:09:12] How do I think it will go for me to try dating again after passing the expiration date for children?

[00:09:17] That's when I asked him to leave or I'd call the police.

[00:09:20] And he said,

[00:09:21] He will never forgive me for this.

[00:09:22] For this book.

[00:09:23] As it's ruined me as a person.

[00:09:25] And for some reason I said,

[00:09:27] Chris, take your mediocre stick out of your mediocre ass and be on your mediocre way.

[00:09:32] And called my parents to tell them what happened.

[00:09:35] My mom is over now,

[00:09:36] Plying me with a mixed drink.

[00:09:38] And she's been making fun of the repeated,

[00:09:40] You can't break up with me line.

[00:09:41] As he said many times in text and a bunch in person.

[00:09:44] She said she was proud because I'm usually quite passive and she didn't like him bulldozing over me.

[00:09:50] And when I asked her what she meant,

[00:09:52] She brought up a lot of things I never really thought about.

[00:09:55] Chris would shoot me down a lot.

[00:09:57] And I honestly thought I was compromising for our relationship.

[00:10:00] But it seemed to some that I was just letting him speak for me a lot.

[00:10:04] Two years.

[00:10:05] It feels like a blip and a lifetime at the same time.

[00:10:08] It's hitting me that it's over and my mom is staying over with me.

[00:10:11] But I have many what the fucks to deal with.

[00:10:14] Just not tonight.

[00:10:46] It's a Reddit and a small update.

[00:10:48] Holy hell this blew up.

[00:10:50] I'm usually a Reddit lurker on anonymous mode.

[00:10:52] So I was overwhelmed in the best way to see all this love and support.

[00:10:56] It made me cry.

[00:10:57] Good tears I promise.

[00:10:59] I cried most of my bitter ones a bit last night on my mom's shoulder.

[00:11:03] She was right.

[00:11:04] I don't miss him but the version of him I thought he was.

[00:11:07] And so I chose to look forward.

[00:11:09] Mom and I stayed up and read comments together.

[00:11:11] She's not a Reddit gal but loved all your messages.

[00:11:14] And she's happy to be the Reddit mom.

[00:11:16] Mom made breakfast this morning and were eating when there was a knock at the door.

[00:11:20] My mom held her hand up to halt me and got herself up to go to the door and ask who it was.

[00:11:25] Then I heard her say.

[00:11:26] You have 15 seconds to leave or you're going to be made to leave.

[00:11:30] I got up to see my mom shouting through the still locked door peeking through my peephole.

[00:11:35] There was someone on the other side talking back to her but she just kept steadily counting down.

[00:11:40] By the time she got to 6 she'd put her shoes on and was holding my broom.

[00:11:45] I'm not stupid.

[00:11:47] I knew it was him even then but then my phone went off and I didn't reply.

[00:11:51] It was him again.

[00:11:52] He left flowers and an apology card along with a stuffed owl bear.

[00:11:57] Mom asked me if I wanted to read the card and I said I did.

[00:12:00] It was basically a long winded apology admitting he was being an arse but work has him stressed and he's underappreciated in general.

[00:12:07] And it all came out in a nasty way.

[00:12:10] He's so sorry.

[00:12:11] He should have given me space and respected me more and he will never do it again.

[00:12:16] He didn't sleep last night feeling so much regret over what he did and will do better.

[00:12:21] But please call that he misses me and let's not throw away two good years of foundation away over a stupid fight.

[00:12:28] I handed it to my mother who read it snorting and chuckling.

[00:12:32] Yeah I bet.

[00:12:34] To herself and then stood up and went to the kitchen returning with a trash bag and my cell phone.

[00:12:39] What's the play coach?

[00:12:40] She asked.

[00:12:41] And just to freak her out I took my phone and pretended to call the pizza shop.

[00:12:45] Yes Domino's.

[00:12:46] We need a pizza.

[00:12:47] Yes I'm breaking up with my ex and we need to toss his shit out.

[00:12:50] All that to say it's now evening.

[00:12:52] The sun is lower and my neighbors are watching my house as I'm in my parents pool in their backyard drinking margaritas with my sister and brother.

[00:13:00] Mom tells the story to all of them over and over.

[00:13:03] I texted him.

[00:13:04] Chris we're done.

[00:13:06] All the things you left at my place are in garbage bags on the porch.

[00:13:09] The neighbors have their camera pointed at the house so please just take your stuff and go.

[00:13:13] Don't knock.

[00:13:14] I am not in.

[00:13:16] If it's all there on Monday it goes with the rest of the garbage to the curb.

[00:13:20] He replied asking.

[00:13:21] If not home where was I?

[00:13:23] But I won't be giving energy to this.

[00:13:25] I will spend the weekend with my family and I feel so lucky to have them.

[00:13:29] I've decided that I will go for another book.

[00:13:32] For those asking for links to this book already out.

[00:13:35] Sorry but when my mom and I read the comments she said don't you dare put your name out there.

[00:13:40] They all seem lovely but you don't know what others will do.

[00:13:43] And I feel like if I did it would be like opening the door to Chris like I did last night.

[00:13:48] You were right.

[00:13:49] That was dangerous.

[00:13:50] But if you are looking to do something nice I'd be absolutely overjoyed if you did one or both of two things.

[00:13:57] One.

[00:13:58] Love yourself and truly know you deserve love and nothing less.

[00:14:01] And two.

[00:14:02] Buy books from a locally owned bookstore slash buy art from the artist and commission an art piece etc.

[00:14:08] The art world is wonderful but also struggle as many aren't as lucky as I am to have a strong support system.

[00:14:14] So support yourself and your local artist.

[00:14:17] Thank you all.

[00:14:18] And another edit.

[00:14:19] Sorry there was a lot of the same questions in the comments.

[00:14:22] One.

[00:14:23] One.

[00:14:23] Yes we are an interracial couple.

[00:14:25] I am black and indigenous middle eastern and he is Irish and French descent.

[00:14:30] Two.

[00:14:31] No I do not want children.

[00:14:33] The moment I am eligible I will be getting that baby store shut down medically.

[00:14:37] I would adopt possibly someday but I would not and should not be pregnant.

[00:14:42] Three.

[00:14:42] Chris and I were friends before we started dating so I thought I knew him and his family well.

[00:14:47] Four.

[00:14:48] My mom has always been cordial with him even if she didn't care for him.

[00:14:51] She did the whole mama thing of hugging him, feeding him etc.

[00:14:56] Five.

[00:14:56] Yes mom will adopt you.

[00:14:58] She says she sends her heart to you and every hug you deserve and more.

[00:15:02] Six.

[00:15:03] Dad didn't come over because and I quote

[00:15:05] you wouldn't have wanted me in a space that boy would also be in given what happened.

[00:15:09] Though he stayed the course of his trip he was on.

[00:15:13] Seven.

[00:15:14] I intend to be an author whether it be full time or part time.

[00:15:17] Oddly enough my book sales are skyrocketing a lot online.

[00:15:20] And then of course we have some relevant comments which OP was replying to.

[00:15:25] Amethyst Sapper says I love your mom.

[00:15:27] Oh honey your ex-boyfriend just called to tell us about the breakup.

[00:15:31] I'm so proud of you.

[00:15:32] Here let's have another drink.

[00:15:34] OP says lol that was honestly kind of the vibe.

[00:15:37] I was so upset and called my parents because I tell them everything.

[00:15:41] My mom was just like lock the doors and I'll be there in 20 minutes.

[00:15:44] And showed up with vodka and let me cry and then I caught her smiling and was like what

[00:15:48] the fuck mom.

[00:15:49] And she admitted she was proud of me for dumping him.

[00:15:51] I'm glad she didn't have to go to jail because if I stayed with him after all that

[00:15:55] she would have to commit crimes.

[00:15:57] Colin says your mom is a badass.

[00:16:00] From now on you know that if she doesn't like your partner you really need to question

[00:16:04] that relationship.

[00:16:05] I'm happy you found your voice and used it.

[00:16:07] Dude was a total douchebag.

[00:16:10] OP says.

[00:16:11] You know that if she doesn't like your partner you really need to question that relationship.

[00:16:16] She'd been so freaking smug after she reminded me that once she did speak up to me once I

[00:16:21] got mad at her.

[00:16:22] She's quoting a line in the animated Jackie Chan show.

[00:16:25] Never question uncle at me lol.

[00:16:28] Boldin responds to that and says the fact that she's teasing you and you're laughing means

[00:16:31] that everything is going to be alright.

[00:16:33] She has me smiling and chuckling a bit.

[00:16:36] Tell her she has an internet fan and I think she kicks ass.

[00:16:40] Dear Masterpiece says.

[00:16:41] So what I've gathered is he's a narcissist and can't fathom the thought of you having

[00:16:45] anything going on that's not focused on him.

[00:16:48] Literally me, me, me and me.

[00:16:51] And what I want.

[00:16:52] Me again because you won't conform to a submissive wife focused on me.

[00:16:56] What a loser.

[00:16:58] OP responded and said it's weird because he never hinted but I can recall that he was ever

[00:17:03] like this.

[00:17:04] We've got years of history and I remember him being interested in things I liked and

[00:17:09] wanted to get involved in.

[00:17:11] Then my mum reminded me of my painting.

[00:17:13] I'm not a painter.

[00:17:14] Mum is.

[00:17:15] At a charity held gallery event and the theme was something basic.

[00:17:19] I was visiting mum that week and when I'm at hers and she's painting I sit with her

[00:17:23] and drink and we chat.

[00:17:24] But that day I was in the mood so mum struck up an easel next to hers and patted the seat

[00:17:29] and we painted side by side.

[00:17:31] She loved my piece and had it submitted for the gallery event.

[00:17:34] It was a huge event and mum had a separate exhibit space but my little basic painting was up in

[00:17:39] the entryway with a handful of others and mum pointed it out to Chris.

[00:17:44] Then he said it was good and we moved on but at the end of the night mum followed us out

[00:17:48] and suggested Chris and I might want to take a photo of us next to my painting.

[00:17:52] He said no.

[00:17:53] So mum took a photo of me for me and shared it with herself.

[00:17:58] Chris asked me not to post the photo saying it was a cry for attention and looked desperate

[00:18:02] and I was taken away from mum's shine.

[00:18:05] So when my mum posted it he was mad at me.

[00:18:08] Why did I give my mum the photo?

[00:18:10] Why did she post it?

[00:18:11] But he suspiciously shared a photo mum took of him at the same gallery

[00:18:15] even shaking hands with a businessman we ran into stating how proud she was of his work.

[00:18:20] The more I talk with my mum even now the more she seemed to pick up on things.

[00:18:25] I feel bad but when I asked why she never said anything before

[00:18:28] she said she had but I'd gotten angry at her.

[00:18:31] I had.

[00:18:32] I can't even remember why.

[00:18:34] And it sounded like mum played the situation perfectly to me.

[00:18:39] That you know she's tried warning in the past about this guy and had her concerns

[00:18:44] and she's mentioned it a couple of times.

[00:18:46] But obviously OP being in the position that she was

[00:18:49] she couldn't really see what was going on.

[00:18:51] She was getting angry at her parents for mentioning it.

[00:18:54] So mum deciding to take a step back but leaving that door wide open for her child

[00:18:59] was the right thing to do.

[00:19:01] We've seen we've seen parents where they push and push

[00:19:03] and it just pushes their child further away and into the other person's control.

[00:19:07] But when that time came mum was there to help her with that situation.

[00:19:13] And like the comment said she just sounds like an absolute supportive badass.

[00:19:18] And a right cheeky so-and-so to go with it.

[00:19:21] Love her.

[00:19:22] Dude was just a walking red flag in the update where he says you know

[00:19:26] I can go and find a woman who wants to support a man

[00:19:29] and wants his career and dreams to be successful.

[00:19:31] Yet you know when when you're following your dreams of writing books etc.

[00:19:36] You know he doesn't like that at all.

[00:19:38] And when you called him out on going to find another woman he's like

[00:19:41] What?

[00:19:42] You can't break up with me?

[00:19:44] What the hell?

[00:19:45] But all I can say to you OP is I'm incredibly glad that you did get out of that relationship.

[00:19:50] Go chase those dreams of publishing those books

[00:19:53] and I really do wish you and your family all the best.

[00:19:56] I hope you get no more drama from Chris anymore.

[00:19:59] Anymore.

[00:20:01] And I know this is going to be a long shot

[00:20:02] but I hope Chris learns a lesson from this in some way shape or form.

[00:20:07] Like I said I know this is an absolute long shot

[00:20:09] because dude stood out there.

[00:20:11] He's going to get himself into another relationship

[00:20:13] and the cycle could continue again.

[00:20:16] Which you know is good for no one.

[00:20:18] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:20:22] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:20:25] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:20:28] Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:20:33] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:20:36] So thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:20:40] Take care and much love.