I Overheard My Wife Putting Me Down To Her Friends, She Said She's Just Fitting In r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account and says, am I the asshole for bringing up just how much I actually do for our household to my wife?

[00:00:29] Can't believe I actually have a reason to post something on Reddit, but here I am. My wife, 41 female, and I, 42 male, have been married for 15 years. I apparently surprised her by being capable of doing household chores and tasks, which I didn't think much of. My mom always asked me to help out with chores when I was a kid, so I didn't think it was beneath me or anything. I do think I inherited a need to clean excessively.

[00:00:56] Like it's so bad that I can't eat until a mess is dealt with. My mom is an amazing cook. My aunt was a literal chef at a fancy hotel and my dad loved having barbecues. It was pretty natural to learn from them and pick up a thing or two. The only thing I didn't pick up was how to make a decent cup of tea or coffee. I'm genuinely awful at it. It got to the point where I was handling most of the household chores and taking care of cooking, which I prefer anyway since she comes home exhausted.

[00:01:26] I've been asking our children, 11 female and 9 male, to do some minor tasks around the house and hopefully teach them this sort of thing too. She has a group of friends who hang out regularly. This time it was her turn to host a group at her home. I offered to take our children out for the day and it was all set. Before we left, I had to finish up some things for work. The office space is practically on top of our living room so I could hear what they were talking about the entire time.

[00:01:53] One of the friends asked how she always kept our house so spotless and my wife just bragged about how she was responsible for it all. Then they started talking about their gripes with their marriages. A common theme was how unhelpful their spouses were. I felt pretty uncomfortable so I just left the office and went out with the kids. I came back after they had left for the night and acted as normal until we go to our bedroom. I asked her what was up with that conversation they had and pointed out that I did the cooking and cleaning in our marriage.

[00:02:22] She told me not to take it personally and that she just wanted to fit in with the struggles of her friends. Now I just feel underappreciated, especially since I don't clearly remember any genuine gratitude for what I do from her. Since then, she's been pretty short with me. She says I'm weaponizing what I'm doing against her and holding it over her head. I don't expect her to compliment me each time I clean or defend me religiously. Just a little.

[00:02:48] My husband is pretty helpful actually. He does his share. Would be nice. I can't help but feel like her friends think I'm some sort of deadbeat who comes home to relax and neglect her. Absolutely not the arsehole. That would piss me right off as well if I overheard that. And look, at the bare minimum, she could have sat there and stayed silent. She didn't have to get involved in that conversation but she decided to and then threw you under the bus at the same time.

[00:03:15] Making you look shit in front of other people and they're going away thinking this. That's absolutely not on. And did she say that you're weaponizing what you're doing against her? You're weaponizing your cleaning and keeping the house nice. I mean we talk a lot about weaponizing incompetence on this channel but holy moly. Tumaric says not the arsehole. You're not weaponizing what you're doing against her. You're just insisting that she doesn't lie about you and badmouth you to her friends. Which is exactly what she is doing.

[00:03:43] She knows that she is in the wrong here hence her hostile response. She doesn't have a reasonable defense for her behavior. Personally, I wouldn't let this go. Her friends are people you will have to socialize with from time to time. And therefore what they think about you does matter. Greedy Shaman says not the arsehole. It's bizarre that your wife would pretend that you don't help around the house. She didn't have to throw it in her friends faces. She could have stayed silent or just said yeah he does help.

[00:04:10] Imagine she's being short with you because you do work around the house. What the hell? Most people would love to have a spouse who helps around the house. She doesn't get to be annoyed at you because you don't like the fact she makes you out to be a crap husband to her friends. She should be on your side. Another commenter says that pisses me off that she didn't give you credit in front of her friends. Because she does not have it like them. It's 100% taking all you do for granted and doing so while insulting you to her friends. In your own home.

[00:04:40] I'd be 1000% pissed off if my partner took credit for the cleaning I did in front of friends. As if I were the lazy one. It was personal. If anything, you should be short with her. Let her take credit for all the cleaning she actually does. Unable says not the arsehole but your wife sure is an ungrateful one. I always and I mean always gave my husband credit for the things he did around the house and I absolutely never disparaged him with friends. Never. Your wife is a massive arsehole.

[00:05:09] I was so proud of my husband and I loved everything my husband did. I bragged about him to friends, family, acquaintances. My husband was my hero. He died three years ago. I would give anything if he were still here with me. And one more comment from around in circles who says not the arsehole. This is where I would stop doing anything around the house. My wife typically sings my praises for the things I do around the house. She's been a stay at home mum for nearly 15 years.

[00:05:37] Just recently going back to work. I work from home and have for many years. Even if just partially. And so I help a lot with the kids and the household chores. By the way, good for you for getting your kids participating. They'll appreciate it down the road. Our kids have their own laundry day, dish day, in the day to help with dinner. And even shopping. But if she started telling people she did it all on her own. She would suddenly find herself doing it all on her own. So OP did come in with an update and says.

[00:06:07] I'm pretty shocked this post went as viral as it did. And I tried my best to speak to my wife yesterday. I just can't believe that this is the woman I married. I tried speaking with her. Telling her what she did wasn't that big of a deal. But was still not a nice thing to do. She didn't like me bringing it up again. And just told me to suck it up. And stop bitching about one mistake. She apologized but in a tone. That just sounded like she was tired of dealing with this. I noticed her getting very heated. And on the verge of starting an argument.

[00:06:37] So I backed off. And switched to a different topic. I asked if we could adjust our duties at home. To be more fair for the both of us. Since most of our management fell to me. I mean pretty much 90% of the things. Like cooking, cleaning. Including planning for our date nights. Or vacations for our family rely on me. I do think it's an issue that she gets to come home. And just tell me that she's tired. Then she got up in my face. Telling me I had no right to lecture her. About her chore duties. When I'm practically at home most of the time.

[00:07:06] She completely refused to hear me out. And basically told me that what we have works. Best for our situation. She threw in my face. That she was the money maker. And that balanced everything out in the end. Even this morning she was pretty annoyed with me. Coming downstairs in a bad mood. I'm very sure our kids noticed it too. But I drove them to school after they got ready. When I got back I noticed that my wife left her packed lunch. On our kitchen counter. So now I'm sitting here.

[00:07:34] Just feeling like the woman I've known for 15 years. Hates me. I guess I'll have to push the issue properly. Even if she gets angry. She's been ignoring my texts. And attempts to call her. I can't just let her act like this. Especially in front of our children. OP comes in with another update. And says. I think I'm just done at this point. I did something I never did before. And went into her phone while she slept. We both know each other's passwords. So it wasn't really difficult.

[00:08:03] Some of the cheating comments got to me. And I felt pretty paranoid about the situation. Instead I found a group chat. With some of her work friends. Different from the other friends she had over. It was just non-stop mockery of me. And some of the stuff I did for her. She told them how embarrassed she feels to be with me. And that I dote on her like a parent. And don't feel like her husband. The lunches I packed for her are humiliating. Because I had sweets and other treats I know she likes.

[00:08:30] Some of her co-workers teased her about the snacks I have in for her. And she admitted to just throwing them out at work. She doesn't have any issue eating them at home. But at work she throws out my baking. She had some choice words to say about me in her chat. Some of which I don't have the courage to type out here. One of her meme pictures was of me on my knees scrubbing a bathroom tile. Edited to add some sort of dress on. Like I was some sort of housewife from the 1960s or something. I just closed her phone and left.

[00:08:59] I confronted her about the chat and the contents of it. Which got her panicking. I focused on our kids this morning and left her to her own devices. It's not like she would have appreciated a kids lunch anyways. Now she's texting me like crazy at the office. But I think I lost all respect for her. And what she's become. Not only does she find me overbearing and embarrassing as a husband. But then I found out she mocks me to her friends. And exposes some sensitive relationship issues to her group chat.

[00:09:28] This will probably be the last update. Nope. Since I don't think she can come back from this. We just celebrated our 15th anniversary last month too. I feel like a loser now. After seeing what my wife actually thinks of me. Opie comes in with another update and says. I know I'm going to get some hate for my decision at the end of this all. But I gave my wife one more chance. She gave me a real apology for her actions. On how she treated me about two weeks ago. In her own words. She let her friends comments at work.

[00:09:56] And her best friends affect her too much. My wife wanted to feel included in groups by playing both sides. One that has a useless husband. And one that has a clingy husband. She's not using them as an excuse. And did take full responsibility for how poorly she treated me. Which is a plus. She suggested some sort of marriage counseling for us. And insisted on doing the planning herself. To show me she's dead serious on wanting to make this work. She's copied me in her communications with a counselor. But it'll still be a while before our first appointment.

[00:10:27] She's stepped up in the home too. Doing more tasks without me asking. The compliments I used to get have also made a return. So I do feel a little more appreciated. My wife promised me that she wouldn't lie to her friend group anymore. And give me credit I deserve. The work friends I don't know about. Their opinions on me will forever be as they are. Even though she talked to them. Parts of this feel disingenuous. Since it took us to get into a bad spot for this to happen. Maybe it's just resentment talking.

[00:10:56] I just hope this works out for our sake and the kids. And no she's not been cleaning or had some guy in her ear telling her things. A lot of DMs are asking about that.

[00:11:25] So there were some comments where Opie said to someone. I only have a problem with the work friends. But there's not much I can do. It's not like she can stop communicating with her co-workers or quit her job. Then says we both work. She makes about 100k a year while I make around 70k. She earns more but she's definitely not the only income in our household. What makes my job great is that my boss lets me have a lot of flexibility. So I can work from home and take care of the house and kids. As long as I give him a heads up.

[00:11:54] I don't think she could do it purely because of her job. I've got a lot of flexibility and leeway with my boss. He knows I'm trustworthy. So he allows me to work from home. As long as I give him a heads up beforehand. That allows me to do whatever I need to do at home or handle our children. She doesn't have that benefit and genuinely comes home about 6-7pm exhausted.

[00:12:18] And I really do wish the best for OP because he sounds like a genuinely nice guy who just wants to have his marriage work. But you know I don't feel confident. It just feels like she's finally taking you seriously. That you're starting to have enough of this bullshit. And she's realized that. So she's just telling you what you want to hear at the moment. That's the way it kind of feels to me anyway. It doesn't feel like she's going to change overnight.

[00:12:44] Hell I was furious for you that she's mocking you. And in your words non-stop mockery for some of the things you did. You make her lunches and you personalize these lunches for her. She calls it humiliating. Man can you imagine receiving personalized lunches like that? That'd be absolutely amazing. Woman's 41 and she's acting like she's in high school. Like playing both sides to try and get in both friend groups. And the person that she's hurting by doing it is you. Her husband.

[00:13:14] The person that she should love the most. It's just madness. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? How do you think it's going to go in the future? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from Mal817 who says My wife thinks my sister intentionally put her initials on the love couple figurine she gifted us on our wedding. My wife and I got married last week.

[00:13:43] And we got a really nice gift from my sister. It's a LORADO love couple figurine. However when looking underneath it. We found the initials J and K inscribed on it. With a love symbol between the letters. My first name starts with a J. And my last name starts with a K. And I think that was the reason for the initials. Because my wife would be getting my last name too. However my wife's first name starts with an E. And my wife asked why wasn't the second letter E inscribed.

[00:14:13] And why was the letter K inscribed instead. My sister's first name starts with a K. And my wife thinks my sister intentionally put her initial on it. I initially thought my wife was joking. But she was really serious about it. And wants me to speak to my sister about it. I really don't want to speak to my sister about this. And I think my wife is massively overreacting. And has got it wrong. Am I the asshole? Well I'm not going to call you an asshole based on this post.

[00:14:41] But I think I'd be curious as well. You know this was a wedding gift. It was for both of you. And you said your surname starts with a K. So there's the possibility of that. Which doesn't make sense as a wedding gift. But when you said your sister's first name starts with a K. I'm like hold on. The question's got to be asked here. This is a weird one. Turbulent says. Oh I'd want to know why my new wife wasn't a part of the inscription. Lizzie B replies saying exactly. This is just a weird post.

[00:15:10] Opie is happy thinking it's their initials only on a wedding gift. If I was the wife I'd be annoyed either way. Another commenter says. The fact that Opie brother to his sister. Also doesn't find it odd until pointed out. Kind of speaks to the innocence of the situation in my opinion. Maybe they're just the same flavor of dumb. Lol. Lizzie B replies saying. Even if it's just your initials. It was a wedding gift to the both of you. So even that reasoning is a little strange. Out of interest.

[00:15:40] Has your sister ever been with anyone with the initial J? My thought would have been. They've given you a gift that was theirs originally. Either way. I'd be being a bit more on your wife's side. Whether you do speak to your sister or not. It should be both your initials on it. If anyone needed a tour. So Opie was in that post judged. You're the asshole after this. But they also did give us an update at the same time. And said. I called my sister this morning and asked her about it.

[00:16:09] And it does look like my wife was right. But my sister's intentions were anything but evil. My sister said she went to great lengths to inscribe the initial. And it was in fact her initial. But she did it because she gave it to me with love. And that years or decades down the road. In case I forgot who gave the figurine. I could always look underneath the figurine and figure it out. I am however not sure how my wife will take this. I'm worried she'd just want to return the figurine or give it back.

[00:16:39] The figurine is really romantic and expensive. And it perfectly depicts my love for my wife. I'm even more lost for words now. As the Opie at the end threw me saying. This figurine is really romantic and expensive. And it depicts a love for his wife. Yet the sister gave it with her initials. I don't know. I'm just left like. What just happened? One Tide said. This is somehow worse.

[00:17:08] Melodic says. Absolutely. If I was the wife. I would demand he gives the gift back to his sister. Melodic says. Of course. Opie's wife is wrong. And Opie's sister only had good intentions. Opie's wife should stop getting in the way. Of his sister's love for him. Slash sarcasm. Opie. Either your sister is playing you like a violin. Or she has some messed up feelings for you. And that gift was a perfect way to show it. Seriously. It's creepy and disgusting. Especially considering that it was a wedding gift.

[00:17:38] You made vows to your wife. So stop dismissing your wife's feelings. Be honest with her. Apologize. Return that creepy figurine. Or at least change the inscription. And start prioritizing your wife. After all. She's the one that chose to marry you. If you keep letting your sister manipulate you. And undermine your marriage. You'll be signing divorce papers pretty soon. Pretzelmama says. So. If it's just a reminder of who the gift is from. Then why isn't your wife's initial there? The gift was to both of you. Wasn't it?

[00:18:07] At best your sister has intentionally excluded your wife from your wedding gift. Worst? Doesn't bear thinking about. Another commenter says in quotes. If it was meaningful. You'd remember who gave it to you. And then says. Had a long time co-worker. Invited to our wedding. Knowing my wife and I both love food. He got us something not on our registry. That he felt would be memorable. It was possibly the best pepper grinder we've ever owned. Totally remember he gave it to us. No weirdness required.

[00:18:36] Golden Goof says to the whole story. I'm not even jumping to the weird love theory. Even staying with a sister expressing her love for a brother. This gift is super inappropriate. It's a figurine of a couple. But she only put an initial of one of them on there. I google Lerado love couple. And all of them appear to be a romantic couple. With a femme type in a white dress. Do you exclude the bride? That's a deliberate choice. That's cattiness against the bride. With a sister hoping the brother won't notice.

[00:19:05] And will take her side when the wife reacts. It's that thing where the person who gets the loudest gets called unreasonable. When the other person is the instigator. The sister did that on purpose as a power move. And Opie needs to wise up and nip that in the bud right now. I just had a quick google of these figurines. And I went on to that brand's website. And they are expensive man. But I did notice they got like a mythology section. They got one of Athena in there. It's fucking awesome.

[00:19:34] But four grand I'm not paying for that. You know what I mean? Holy moly. But let's have one more comment from Commander Quill. Who says I don't get the big deal. The initials are on the underside of it. The underside is where extra information goes. Like the manufacturer or the giftee or the gifter. Why would you put initials you want to be seen. And which are part of the gift. Like that of the married couple there. Sure the heart is a bit odd. But hearts aren't always romantic. I always sign my name on people's cards for the heart.

[00:20:04] It doesn't seem any different than writing love sis to me. And the only reason anyone is talking weirdly. Is probably because the initial and heart thing. Is what couples typically carve into trees. Except they would carve J plus K inside a heart. Not J heart K. So it's very possible sister didn't think about the implications. Everyone is seeing so deeply into it. It's freaky. I wouldn't write that for my brother. Because my brother and I aren't close. But I'd do it on a gift for my mom or dad easily.

[00:20:33] And there would be no incestuous undertones. And for me. Like as I was reading the story. I didn't necessarily think incest or anything along those lines. It just didn't feel like that to me. Maybe that's wrong. I found the power play comment quite interesting. But I still did find it weird that this was a wedding gift. And he and the sister didn't include the wife's initial in there. You know that's a thought process. You're going through the process of buying what looks like a very expensive statuette.

[00:21:03] And getting it engraved. There's a thought process behind it. And not thinking that this is a wedding gift. I should maybe include the wife's initial on there too. It's strange to me. But how about you guys? What do you guys think of this one? What do you think the sister was doing in this? Or is it totally innocent? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments as always. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories. Oh your love. Your support.

[00:21:36] Thank you for being awesome. And I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.