I Overheard My Mother-In-Law Calling Herself "Mommy" To My Daughter r/Relationships

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[00:00:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Much love guys. Now, today's first story comes from

[00:00:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Barrow Queen 175 from the Am I Overreacting subreddit and says

[00:00:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Am I overreacting?

[00:00:29] [SPEAKER_00]: My mother-in-law calls herself Mummy to my daughter

[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_00]: My daughter is just over three months old

[00:00:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Occasionally my mother-in-law watches her when I thinks to do will need a break

[00:00:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Lately she's been calling herself Mummy when talking to my daughter

[00:00:45] [SPEAKER_00]: She does it in front of me and my husband at least once and sometimes more every time she visits now

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And she always brushes it off like, whoopsie doodles, I'm so used to being Mummy so I called myself that

[00:00:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Aha, but today she gave me reason to doubt that I called her over to come watch the baby

[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_00]: But I took care of a house project that concerned chemicals

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_00]: I took a shower afterwards because chemicals

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I went downstairs to grab some fresh clothing out of the dryer when I heard my mother-in-law

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Walk into my baby in the other room

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And she called herself Mummy four times in a three-minute conversation

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_00]: You want Mummy to play with you? Are you having fun with Mummy?

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Are you being a good girl for Mummy?

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_00]: And Mummy loves you? Yes, I do

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_00]: She didn't know I was there and she didn't even try to correct herself

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I asked my husband to help me navigate the situation because it's super weird and frankly

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I think on the health of my mother-in-law to be playing out this fantasy delusion

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_00]: He said to me if it really bothers you that much

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_00]: We can say something next time we hear a do it

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Which makes me wonder if I'm making a big deal out of this then it should be

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_00]: But it feels like a big fucking deal

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Am I overreacting?

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_00]: So in the comments on this one and Benel says no you're not overreacting

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I would not let my mother-in-law baby sit anymore

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Your mother-in-law probably wants to do over child

[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_00]: You also have a husband problem or be a to mild one

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_00]: He needs to talk to his mother and tell her to stop calling herself Mummy to your child

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Hope he says I've thought the same thing about the do over baby

[00:02:21] [SPEAKER_00]: My mother-in-law lost her own daughter up a four weeks old you just sit almost 40 years ago

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Said to his sudden infant death syndrome and on Google it said that sometimes known as caught death

[00:02:32] [SPEAKER_00]: That's from the NHS website by the way

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Neither she nor my husband want to unpack that trauma

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_00]: But I think this might be the start of a super scary path

[00:02:41] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm worried that my husband is turning a blind eye because he doesn't want to deal with it

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Call like a spark says I want to shut that down immediately upon the first slip

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_00]: I intentionally asked my mother and the mother-in-law which grandma named they wanted to be caught for clarity before they ever met our little one

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Hope he says we actually did all these things

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_00]: During my pregnancy my mother-in-law decided that she wanted to be called Lala by the baby

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00]: I asked her to pick a different name because it felt too similar to Mama for me to be comfortable with it

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Especially because L sounds a really difficult for babies to say

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, I could smell this shit coming from a mile away

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_00]: My husband said I was being ridiculous but he stood by what I wanted and urged her to pick a different name

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Ultimately she chose Grammy

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_00]: The first time I heard her call herself Mommy to my daughter I said something along the lines of excuse me

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Who are you again?

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00]: A mother-in-law laughed at her with a whoopsie doodle

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_00]: And I drove the point home with another comment along the lines of who sure is how ain't Mommy

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I caught some side eye for that one. I was definitely being snarky

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, we tried all these things and this possibly why my husband is just starting to ignore it

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I think he might be burnt out on the subject and over it

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00]: But I feel like if I let up on this it will progressively get worse because that's the only way it's gone so far

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_00]: His mother-in-law continued to push the edge of the envelope with what she can get away with

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Ope's shares and other comment regarding her mother-in-law were more details on the background of losing her daughter a four weeks old

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Ope says if hit on a lot of points here that I'm worried about too

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_00]: She was a teenager when she had her daughter and that baby died at four weeks old from sits

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_00]: And years later she had my husband

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_00]: In the years between instead of grieving and going to counseling, she essentially drugged binge for a decade

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I do worry that she is a festering mental illness triggered by the birth of my daughter

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Like she's trying to use my daughter as a replacement for the daughter that she lost 40 years ago

[00:04:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, though whenever I bring it up, I feel crazy and my husband thinks she wouldn't do that

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00]: But then an issue like this crops up

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_00]: I can't help but feel validated in my suspicion

[00:04:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Ope on if her mother-in-law is married and where her husband's not involved

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Ope says she is not married

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_00]: She's been a single mother to my husband his whole life

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Commenter says what does your husband call her?

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Ope says he calls her by her first name

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_00]: And he has since he was 11

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_00]: He told me that she ignored him more when he called her mum or any variation

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_00]: And she was much more responsive when he dressed her by her first name

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_00]: He even corroborated this in the past

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_00]: That had so many questions as a kid that she learned to tune out the word mum by default

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Kind of makes her claim less believable right

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And I totally agree with Ope in this situation again

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe read one to many reddit stories

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_00]: But this is definitely going down a very concerning path for me that she's secretly saying this

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_00]: And it was like she's pushing the mummy thing constantly

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Like saying that many times

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Ocentences within a couple of minute conversation

[00:05:49] [SPEAKER_00]: With no concern for the future of this as well

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Because clearly her saying mummy to this child

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And eventually the child's going to start saying it back

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Is unsustainable the parents are always going to find it at some point

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And this is going to explode

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Mother and Lord already knows Ope is against it

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_00]: She already seems to got one over over the husband on this

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Because he's just seemed to have tuned out of it

[00:06:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Which is concerning in itself

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_00]: But this definitely feels a low contact or even further situation

[00:06:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe until she gets some help and proves that she's getting some help

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Obviously this could be to do with her losing a child for weeks old

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Which is horrific and I absolutely feel for anyone who's lost a child

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Because you know that's heartbreaking

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Or is it to do with it tuning the husband out when he was a child

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Only responding to him when he said her first name

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_00]: So now she wants to redo that situation all over again

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_00]: But it definitely feels like a low contact situation

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Because nothing's going to change unless she gets some form of help

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Like you said, she's going to continue to push boundaries here

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_00]: And potentially escalate which is scary

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Ope comes in and updates the person says

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_00]: We may be God of Resolution to the problem in a roundabout way

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Mother and Lord hasn't spoken to us since this morning though

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_00]: So we have to see how the dust winds of settling

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Sorry this update has wound up really long

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_00]: We had mother and lord over for 4 July

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_00]: It made plans while ago for me to cook dinner for the holiday

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I spoke with my husband the day before and let him know that I wasn't pleased with mother and lord stomping all over the parenting boundaries

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Including but not limited to the mommy problem

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_00]: I brought up many points that you all gave me

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you everyone who commented

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_00]: I'd let him know that I was planning to say something while she was with us

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_00]: And was on higher alert for most of the day

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_00]: There's some necessary backstory before I get into what went down

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_00]: We have a rule from mother and lord concerning our daughter

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Mother and lord is not allowed to take pictures of the baby on our phone

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_00]: We also don't send pictures of the baby to her phone through text or email

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_00]: My mother and lord is one of those people who post every tiny detail of a life to a friend on Facebook

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And she has a nasty habit of posting unflattering photos of me

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_00]: And she and a friend criticised the way I look

[00:08:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Ah, theory me

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_00]: She also uses big moments in my life to get attention from her friends and family

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_00]: She's really addicted to the adoration

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_00]: My husband and I decided early on that we did not want our daughter included in what happens on our war with our friends

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_00]: From a consent standpoint

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_00]: But also to help set up our daughter to be far away from social media for mental health reasons

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I know that's a problem that's far off in the future

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_00]: But we feel it's important to protect her even now

[00:08:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Mother and lord literally cannot stop herself from immediately sharing a photo

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_00]: She takes with her Facebook friends

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_00]: So we just decided no photos on our phone here yet

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_00]: But even bought a really high-end camera for ourselves that we allow her to use

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Which prevents her from sharing but still allows her to take pictures

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_00]: The record we've provided are a photo of them with physical copies of baby pictures

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_00]: And we add to it all the time

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, yesterday Mother and lord decided to break the rule

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_00]: A camera was in reach for her to use and she deliberately chose the phone instead

[00:09:11] [SPEAKER_00]: She thought she was being sneaky and tried to look like she was texting

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_00]: But started snapping pictures of our daughter

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I happened to be looking over a shoulder and I caught her red handed

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I asked her to stop taking pictures and delete the one she'd already taken

[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_00]: She told me that the pictures were just for her to have on our phone

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_00]: But I saw her start clicking on the share buttons and she scrolled over to the Facebook icon

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_00]: She suddenly realized that I was still looking at her phone while she was doing it

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_00]: So she bagged out of everything and locked her phone screen

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_00]: I called her out and said, you were literally about to share the picture

[00:09:44] [SPEAKER_00]: I watched you almost do it

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_00]: And she went off

[00:09:47] [SPEAKER_00]: She started yelling that she sees my husband take pictures of the baby all the time on his phone

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_00]: That is not fair that she can't take pictures on her phone

[00:09:54] [SPEAKER_00]: And that we're being hypocrites

[00:09:56] [SPEAKER_00]: My husband at that point stepped in and qualified that he is the baby's father has different rules

[00:10:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Where he can take pictures on his phone

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_00]: She started whining and called herself an equal partner who can take pictures of the baby if she wants to

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_00]: And again called as hypocrites

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I told her very specifically that she is in fact not an equal partner and she needs to abide by our rules

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_00]: She pushed further and said that she should be an equal partner

[00:10:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I think she's helping to raise the baby

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_00]: And that we need to see that she should be able to do what she wants

[00:10:27] [SPEAKER_00]: That's why I had it

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I said mother-in-law you are not babies mother

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_00]: You are not a parent and you are not an equal partner

[00:10:34] [SPEAKER_00]: You're a grandmother

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_00]: And that means you will follow our rules because we are her parents and what we say goes

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_00]: She started laughing at me

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I read a rise of kind of laughing

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_00]: I just picked up my daughter and said

[00:10:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Your laughing like is a joke but it's not a walk out the room

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_00]: The night ended pretty poorly

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_00]: This morning mother-in-law called us to invite us out to brunch

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_00]: My husband thought that maybe she wanted to extend an olive branch and make a men's

[00:11:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Though we took her off on her offer

[00:11:03] [SPEAKER_00]: We were all seemingly getting along but then as we were finishing up

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_00]: My mother-in-law brought up that she took some great photos of night before

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_00]: And couldn't wait to share them with our friends

[00:11:14] [SPEAKER_00]: My husband didn't miss a beat and he said mother-in-law's name

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you still trying to buck against my rules

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Once again, she calls us hypocrites and said that she's offended that we don't trust her

[00:11:24] [SPEAKER_00]: And doesn't feel like she deserves to be punished

[00:11:26] [SPEAKER_00]: But all she wants to do is have pictures of our baby

[00:11:29] [SPEAKER_00]: My husband pointed out that we can't trust her because she keeps trying to subvert our rules

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_00]: And continues to undermine us as parents

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_00]: And if she can't fall in line, then we're going to have a serious problem going forward

[00:11:41] [SPEAKER_00]: She stood up from the table and now it's that we'll have to accept that we disagree on this

[00:11:45] [SPEAKER_00]: And she refuses to talk about it any further and stormed out the restaurant

[00:11:50] [SPEAKER_00]: That's everything up until now

[00:11:52] [SPEAKER_00]: We haven't heard from her since she stormed out

[00:11:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Normally she calls my husband about three times a day

[00:11:57] [SPEAKER_00]: So we're pretty sure that she's really mad

[00:11:59] [SPEAKER_00]: My husband and I discussed how we're going to go forward from this

[00:12:03] [SPEAKER_00]: And we are resolute that if she cannot figure out how to stay out of parenting our baby

[00:12:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And she simply won't see the baby at all

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I so appreciate how he has decided to put his foot down and help me

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_00]: But mother-in-law and her place because you were all right

[00:12:16] [SPEAKER_00]: She's really gone mad at controlling seem to legitimately think that she is a third parent of my daughter

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I also appreciate everyone who had something to say on my last post

[00:12:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Who gave me a lot of tools to show my husband

[00:12:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Then what is happening here is not acceptable

[00:12:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And if we take her back seat, he's going to happily push us out of our roles entirely

[00:12:35] [SPEAKER_00]: That's all for now

[00:12:36] [SPEAKER_00]: But that day again, if there ends up being anything new to share

[00:12:40] [SPEAKER_00]: So that was some more relevant comments

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_00]: That OP was responding to

[00:12:45] [SPEAKER_00]: So the woman says stop giving her printed pictures too

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_00]: She can scan them or just take photos of them and share from that

[00:12:52] [SPEAKER_00]: OP says honestly I agree and we might stop giving the circumstances

[00:12:56] [SPEAKER_00]: But initially the idea was that we weren't trying to prevent her from having pictures

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_00]: We were just trying to make it hard of her to post stuff and hopefully discourage her

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_00]: We will probably reevaluate and meanwhile, nobody can say we didn't try to compromise

[00:13:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Hurricane Orsa says, hello, is she with your baby just a really lint wish of phone

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_00]: But it's somewhere safe until she leaves

[00:13:17] [SPEAKER_00]: She can participate in family gatherings but the phone stays locked away until she goes home

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_00]: OP says my husband was thinking that a phone jammer

[00:13:25] [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm not sure if that prevents camera use

[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_00]: I think this idea is better

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_00]: In the meantime though, we're planning to not see her for a while

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And I hope we're really long while

[00:13:34] [SPEAKER_00]: We even jokingly talked about moving across the country again

[00:13:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Which sounds ridiculous but we've done it before with less

[00:13:40] [SPEAKER_00]: OP on the reason where her husband called is mother by her first name and not mum

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_00]: OP says yeah there is

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_00]: The story as I've heard it from both mother and mother and husband

[00:13:49] [SPEAKER_00]: That husband asked so many questions as a little kid that mother and lord became numb to the word mum

[00:13:55] [SPEAKER_00]: She began ignoring him when he called her that

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_00]: That the right pole day, Jove 11, her husband started calling her by name

[00:14:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Evidently she is much more responsive to be in the dress by name than she ever was being called mum

[00:14:07] [SPEAKER_00]: But it's stuck

[00:14:09] [SPEAKER_00]: OP on mother and lord thought of a nickname from her granddaughter and says

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_00]: She settled on Grammy to my face

[00:14:15] [SPEAKER_00]: But then she just cut out the middle man and went straight to calling herself mum

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_00]: He to my daughter when I was in the round

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_00]: And honestly when I was around too

[00:14:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Concerning the lar laughing

[00:14:24] [SPEAKER_00]: I was always worried that behind my back she would call herself mum to the baby

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_00]: And then used a lar laughing as almost a smoke screen

[00:14:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Because they're too or so close

[00:14:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I thought that she would probably encourage mispronunciation as soon as possible

[00:14:37] [SPEAKER_00]: They would eventually get to the point of

[00:14:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, that's what the baby is calling me so I guess I'm mum and now

[00:14:42] [SPEAKER_00]: At the time my husband thought I was being ridiculous but even now I don't think I was

[00:14:47] [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, that's actually pick a different name that couldn't accidentally turn into mum

[00:14:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Though I would know for sure that she'd been training my kid to call her that

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And couldn't blame me on the baby, mixing up words and sounds

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_00]: How in the update like something jumped out man

[00:15:02] [SPEAKER_00]: You know maybe I just didn't have that kind of relationship with my parents

[00:15:05] [SPEAKER_00]: But mother and lord calling husband up three times a day

[00:15:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, what?

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_00]: No, I'm gonna get some hate for that one

[00:15:12] [SPEAKER_00]: But I have to ask the question because like obviously I said certainly didn't have that kind of relationship

[00:15:17] [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm glad that husband is started back in your business

[00:15:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Because you know it's definitely 100% getting out of hand here

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Or is out of hand was at a handle long time ago

[00:15:28] [SPEAKER_00]: And you know I wouldn't even consider thinking about phone jammers and that sort of stuff

[00:15:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I'd be absolutely that phone is not entering this house

[00:15:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I don't think she should be entering the house to be quite honest

[00:15:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I definitely think is a low-conduct scenario until she starts being some true sort of getting some help

[00:15:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Something along those lines about what is exactly going on because she's considering herself equal in this parenting role

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Calling herself mum

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_00]: It's gone wild

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_00]: And it definitely feels like to me that somewhere along the line she's not mentally well

[00:15:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe what happened in her past?

[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Et cetera

[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_00]: No excuses

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_00]: I still think it's a low contact or maybe even no contact situation until she gets that help because you know

[00:16:07] [SPEAKER_00]: I just feel like this could escalate further and further

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_00]: But now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_00]: What would you advise to a P?

[00:16:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:16:20] [SPEAKER_00]: And let's move on to another story

[00:16:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Now, our next story comes from the M.I. The Arsol subreddit

[00:16:27] [SPEAKER_00]: No update is yet from impressive till 2180 and says M.I. the Arsol

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_00]: My son came out as gay and I said hell yeah, but

[00:16:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Hello all, I'm not sure what to do but I think I messed up

[00:16:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Yesterday my son 15 asked my wife and I to talk and said it was important

[00:16:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Or wasn't sure what he wanted to say but I'm a nervous person by nature and was anticipating the worst

[00:16:52] [SPEAKER_00]: My main concern was that he was going to say he wanted to join the military

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Now, there is nothing wrong with serving in the armed forces

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I did it myself but I experienced a lot of traumatic things while in

[00:17:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Then I just don't want that for my kids

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_00]: So my first thought was that he was going to tell us he decided to join the army or something

[00:17:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And the thought kind of panicked me

[00:17:12] [SPEAKER_00]: So to get back to what actually happened

[00:17:15] [SPEAKER_00]: He had us come into his room and was looking really nervous

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_00]: He took a deep breath and said mum, dad

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I just wanted to let you know that I'm gay

[00:17:24] [SPEAKER_00]: I hope this doesn't change anything about our relationship

[00:17:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Now first off, I have no idea why he was worried

[00:17:30] [SPEAKER_00]: We're pretty progressive in our house but it took him by surprise when I shouted

[00:17:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Oh yeah, but oh thank god

[00:17:36] [SPEAKER_00]: I immediately noticed he looked kind of weirded out

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_00]: So I tried to salvage it by saying

[00:17:42] [SPEAKER_00]: It won with your bad self and offering a fist bump that he did not bump back

[00:17:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I wife was much more collected than me

[00:17:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And she just said that of course we love him

[00:17:51] [SPEAKER_00]: This doesn't change anything and would love to meet any future boyfriends which I was quick to agree with

[00:17:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Hasn't been talking to me much today

[00:17:59] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's given me one word answers

[00:18:01] [SPEAKER_00]: When we usually have really good conversations

[00:18:03] [SPEAKER_00]: How bad did I screw up his coming out

[00:18:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Does that anyway I can make it up to him?

[00:18:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Ah, I said tricky situation

[00:18:10] [SPEAKER_00]: There's no one's the asshole here

[00:18:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not or not the asshole here from me

[00:18:14] [SPEAKER_00]: You're clearly supportive of your son

[00:18:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And you know I feel that's the main thing in this story

[00:18:19] [SPEAKER_00]: But trying to think of it from your son's side

[00:18:22] [SPEAKER_00]: You know 15 years old all these feelings and thoughts

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_00]: And you know what your parents are going to think about you

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_00]: How your parents are going to react and think about you

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_00]: It's got to be really scary

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_00]: And he's probably got a million and one different scenarios in his head

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_00]: So when this came out like

[00:18:40] [SPEAKER_00]: He might have just been shocked from the reaction

[00:18:42] [SPEAKER_00]: And didn't know how to react himself

[00:18:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Like expecting something completely different

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Again, I don't know. It's just what's going through my head

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And trying to put myself in that situation

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_00]: I obviously can't know 100%

[00:18:54] [SPEAKER_00]: I've never been in that situation

[00:18:55] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure many people in the comments

[00:18:58] [SPEAKER_00]: We'll share their own experiences

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Which will be far more insightful than my thoughts

[00:19:03] [SPEAKER_00]: But all I can say is

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Sit your son down again

[00:19:06] [SPEAKER_00]: And explain exactly that you sit here

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_00]: You're worried your panic about

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, your experience with the armed forces

[00:19:14] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what you was worried about

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_00]: So it was just a big relief for you

[00:19:17] [SPEAKER_00]: And just letting know in a far more collected way

[00:19:19] [SPEAKER_00]: That you do support him

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_00]: You love him for who he is and you support him

[00:19:23] [SPEAKER_00]: But Kimber the tabby lion says

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_00]: This is now my second favorite coming out to parent story

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_00]: My favorite will remain friends to your son

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_00]: You spoke to a one day

[00:19:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I've just told dad and gay and he's fine with it

[00:19:34] [SPEAKER_00]: You responded

[00:19:35] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so happy darling

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Are you planning to come out to me anytime soon

[00:19:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Apparently he was so confident she would be accepting

[00:19:42] [SPEAKER_00]: She was that he never actually had the conversation

[00:19:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Not the asshole but you should probably explain your reaction to him

[00:19:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Now the comment is says this is so much more wholesome than it could have been

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_00]: No one's an asshole here

[00:19:54] [SPEAKER_00]: The son has just been awkward by virtue of it being a charge subject

[00:19:58] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're worried you could tell him or have your wife tell him

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_00]: That you just worried he had bad news to share

[00:20:04] [SPEAKER_00]: But I wouldn't worry about it too much

[00:20:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Tripping fingers says no one's an asshole here

[00:20:10] [SPEAKER_00]: He was probably expecting it to be a big deal

[00:20:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Like maybe he thought you were going to be mad and now he's recovering

[00:20:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Or he thought you were going to celebrate his bravery

[00:20:18] [SPEAKER_00]: And now all his cycling himself up feels like a let down

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe he's confused and thought you were being sarcastic

[00:20:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Worst talking to him about but nobody here was an asshole

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Short step says no one's an asshole here

[00:20:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly this was such a dad reaction

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're not making your teenage a cringe

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_00]: What are you even doing

[00:20:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe follow up with him and let him know that you're worried about bad news

[00:20:41] [SPEAKER_00]: And thank him for sharing something so personal with you

[00:20:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Then you should probably have an updated sex talk about how important protection and consent are

[00:20:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Even if there's no risk of pregnancy

[00:20:51] [SPEAKER_00]: What more comment from echo Lawrence who says are bless you

[00:20:55] [SPEAKER_00]: No one's an asshole here

[00:20:57] [SPEAKER_00]: He's probably been terrified about coming out

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_00]: And if he's been questioning maybe he missed and interpreted your thing

[00:21:02] [SPEAKER_00]: God as we knew all along you're finally admitted it

[00:21:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Which might make him feel very self conscious?

[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Best thing you can do is give him some space

[00:21:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Let him know you're willing to talk in full when he's ready

[00:21:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And just make sure he knows you are there for him

[00:21:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys

[00:21:18] [SPEAKER_00]: What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:21:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:21:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_00]: For getting involved in today's stories

[00:21:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world

[00:21:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I mean don't forget at the very end of the video

[00:21:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I'd be a couple of playlists there that you can click on

[00:21:36] [SPEAKER_00]: And I will automatically scroll through all the videos for you

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_00]: So whatever you're up to maybe doing a bit of crochet today

[00:21:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you'll just out on a bike ride

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Let me know what you're up to by the way

[00:21:46] [SPEAKER_00]: At mark narrations over on Twitter

[00:21:48] [SPEAKER_00]: I love to hear what you're up to while you're listing

[00:21:50] [SPEAKER_00]: And hopefully I'll see you in the next one

[00:21:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Take care

[00:21:54] [SPEAKER_00]: And much love