I Made A Joke Which RUINED A Marriage And A Unrelated Engagement Party All At Once r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:17] Now, today's first story comes from BurningMan84 and says, am I the asshole for teasing my friend about not recognizing my kid, thus ruining her marriage and an unrelated engagement party? Also, burner account, obviously. So me and my wife have a five-year-old son. Our group of friends is mostly couples with kids as we're nearing our 40s. And so a lot of our meetings with friends now include meeting up as entire families, kids included.

[00:00:45] This can sometimes mean a lot of adults and a lot of kids. One person in this group, Emma, fake name, used to be my roommate in college and has her own kids. And we hang out with her and her husband sometimes in a group setting, but rarely on our own. Emma also tends to run late, often. This is all relevant to the story.

[00:01:08] As our son is an only child, we sometimes worry that he wouldn't really learn to share or get along with other kids. To prevent this, and while I love spending time with him, I would sometimes preemptively nudge him to engage with other kids when we are in public playgrounds or at the beach or the pool. To that end, when I buy him a water pistol or an RC car or the like, I'd often just buy two or three. I'd get to the playground and play with him. And when another kid would show interest in the toys, I'd just go,

[00:01:36] Oh, you want to play with us? And hand him the remote or the pistol or the whatever, thus getting the kids to play. This works great quite often. I have a generally good relationship with the parents at our neighborhood. This is also relevant. One day, like a year back, me and my wife were planning on taking our kids to the pool. I pack my large bag of pool toys. Emma texts me. Her husband is away that day and she's looking for something to do with the kids.

[00:02:02] I talk to my wife and tell Emma we're going to our local pool and she's welcome to join us, but we're planning on heading there early, so she can just join us whenever. We arrive at the pool pretty early and get a really good spot poolside, right by the shallows. I grab some water pistols and me and my kids start playing world domination. I'm trying to take over the world and can only be stopped through the power of water pistols. It's a whole thing. Kid loves it.

[00:02:27] Soon, another kid is there. It's a kid from my son's kindergarten class. He's there with his mom. He is, of course, welcome to join us. We know the family. The mom and my wife are pretty friendly and our kids play together often. So, my wife says she wants to go for a swim and the kid's mom says she wants to join her and asks me if I'm okay watching the kids. I say sure, since by this point, the kids are blasting each other with water pistols and I'm just chilling poolside.

[00:02:53] Just occasionally having to call out, oh no, my plans for world domination ruined. Because sometimes, that's just what parenting is. Then Emma and her kid shows up. She is really happy to see me and I give out toys to her kids. All is going well. Then my son's friends run up and asks for some other toy and I go, sure thing, and hand it to him. Emma goes, oh my god, so cute, he looks just like you. I laugh and say, okay, cool, but this isn't my kid.

[00:03:21] Now, in her defense, the kid does look kinda like me, making this kinda hilarious. When my wife and the kid's mom come back, I tell them this story. They also find it hilarious. We all have a friendly chuckle, but think little of it. Fast forward to a few months ago. I haven't seen Emma in a while. We're at a friend's group gathering and it was a good time all around. When we're about to call it a day, me and Emma are at the entrance. She's grabbing her stuff and I'm on my second trip from the car.

[00:03:48] Kids toys, kids clothes, dirty dishes, Tupperware with leftovers I want, etc. And I call out to Emma's husband, hey, can you call my wife and kid over? Just to make sure it's actually my kid and not some random kid who kinda looks like me. I think it's a hilarious callback. He seems confused and kinda angry. He asks what the hell I'm talking about. Why would he call a random kid? I'm also confused so I tell him the pool story. He doesn't laugh. Emma doesn't laugh either.

[00:04:17] The entire thing now feels awkward. I awkwardly say goodbye, go grab my wife and kids myself. And we leave. Later that day, I text Emma to ask if everything is alright. I get no reply. I text again a few days later. No reply. I get the distinct sense I fucked up. But also, if she doesn't want to talk to me, I'm not gonna force the issue. I leave well enough alone. At worst, I thought she was mad at a joke I made which was apparently in poor taste. Oi howdy.

[00:04:44] Did I underestimate the fallout of this joke? A few days ago, I arrive at a friend's place and she's there. This is an engagement party. So no kids. I wasn't supposed to come but decided to last minute and my wife was home with our kid. Emma sees me and is livid. She wasn't expecting to. She only came because she thought I wouldn't be there. She does however take the opportunity to tear me a new one though. She calls me out in front of everyone because of my joke.

[00:05:12] Originally said with air quotes, her husband was furious. From what she said and what I gathered from mutual friends afterwards, she previously commented on someone else's kid looking like someone who wasn't his father. Except that whole thing led to a family drama in Emma's husband's family. Because in that case, that dude was cheating and that was his kid and a whole bunch of other people were really hurt in the aftermath. Emma's husband was furious because he apparently thought she would know better than to comment

[00:05:41] on kids looking like people again. This sent them down a spiral. Especially because the husband apparently thought she told me that other family story and that I was mocking him for his family drama. And he thought the story I told was just covering for her when I realized I fucked up. This was not the case. I had no idea that whole thing happened. Still, he didn't believe Emma when she told him. So they are now separated. She calls me an asshole and says I ruined her marriage. I'm not a confrontational person.

[00:06:10] I apologize profusely. I say I didn't know and if she didn't want me telling the story, she should have said something. She tells me I'm making excuses. This is now a scene. I apologize profusely again and leave quickly after telling the couple a quick congratulations. I'm later told this was anything anyone could talk about at the party and now the engaged couple are mad at me too. Emma is even more mad because now everyone knows her drama. I'm unfriended and I'm followed on everything.

[00:06:39] Some friends think I couldn't have known better and the joke was pretty benign. Other friends say it was in really poor taste to throw her under the bus and I'm totally the asshole. Emma's best friend, who I also know from college, thinks I did know about the thing with her husband and now I'm just covering my own ass to get away with being cruel. It has been a few days and some of my friends will no longer talk to me. Others think she is wrong to blame me and that marriage was doomed anyway.

[00:07:06] Still, I feel really guilty about making the joke and I obviously wouldn't have made it had I known the trouble it would cause. I like Emma but I didn't want to hurt her. I also liked her husband. I'd like to say maybe he was wrong to let the marriage implode like that because of a stupid joke but at the same time I don't know exactly how his family drama and their history nor the specifics of his relationship with Emma. So I can't really say he's wrong or overreacting. The entire thing just kinda sucks.

[00:07:34] My wife sorta got my back though. She thinks the joke was hilarious and actually thinks me breaking up their marriage makes it even funnier because what the fuck. She also loves crazy reddit stories so she sent me to post this. So at least I got that going for me. Which is nice. So, am I the arsehole? Now to me it just always felt like that Emma's marriage was always on the edge of a breakup to me. It just happened all too easily you know.

[00:08:01] You didn't throw under the bus and you're not responsible for like the problems in her marriage and she's the one who decided to call you out at this party and create the whole scene in the first place. But like I said if their marriage was that close to the edge it was always going to be something and in this case it was just a silly little joke. You knew nothing about the history of that ruin their marriage which pretty much just says it all to me but life letter says not the arsehole.

[00:08:29] Emma's husband wanted an out and you gave him one. It wasn't your fault and you shouldn't have even apologised. There was nothing wrong with your joke. Honestly though your friend group sounds like it thrives on drama and you're probably better off not being friends with the people who took Emma's side. The sassiest panda says not the arsehole at all and I love how she freaks out on you and publicly airs her dirty laundry then blames you for everyone learning about the situation she blurted out. Beach in Life says good grief this is beyond ridiculous.

[00:08:58] What a stupid turn of events. How the heck were you supposed to know that she had done something like that before? And she really can't even be blamed for that. The first time it was an innocent observation that she had no idea would go so haywire. Her husband is an idiot who needs to shut the fuck up. She never said to you, Hey that kid over there looks like you. The kid came to you and asked for a toy so she had no reason not to think it was your kid. It was totally different from what happened last time.

[00:09:24] The joke was just unfortunate timing but none of this is your fault. Someone needs to tell her that she did not destroy the other couple's marriage. The guy who cheated and had a kid with someone else destroyed his marriage. Not the arsehole. Feed Black Bat says not the arsehole. It's so much easier to put the blame on you than admit the marriage was shit. It wasn't Emma's fault her husband's whatever had an affair which created a kid. She made an innocent comparison between you and who she thought was your kid.

[00:09:53] Which a lot of people say kids look like their parents. It wasn't in the same context of her hubby's crappy relative. You made an innocent joke. Her hubby is the biggest arsehole for using that to split up. Emma is the next arsehole for using you as a scapegoat. Next up are your so-called friends who aren't talking to you. Out of everyone, you are not the arsehole sir. And one more comment from OutrageousAd who says not the arsehole. There was nothing wrong with your joke.

[00:10:20] If you'd known the backstory it would be different but you didn't. Emma's husband is right that she was dumb for a comment when a similar comment had caused so much trouble in the past. Obviously their marriage already had a lot of problems already if this could kill it. Cut off any friends who want to hold you responsible for Emma's stupidity. So OP comes in with her update and says I am now updating you because the last few hours have been a lot. It turns out that when I wrote my post I left out one critical piece of context.

[00:10:50] I thought I was a regular person living a normal life. Turns out I am Shaz, a side character on the worst Gossip Girl episode ever written. So after posting yesterday, reading replies and thinking it over, I decided to reach out to Emma one final time. Some of you thought I shouldn't and that these were in fact not my monkeys. Others made me realize that Emma was probably in a shitty situation with her husband and his family and was actively being gaslit. Now with notes here.

[00:11:20] While I mention we're not as close as we used to be, we used to be very close. She helped me pick out a spot and let me borrow her car for my first date with who later became my wife. She was a significant part of my support system during some very rough times of my life. Despite everything, I still felt like I cared about her and wanted to work things out. This is no longer the case. See, from my perspective, I thought we were good friends. Then when she met her husband, we naturally drifted apart.

[00:11:48] And then this thing happened out of nowhere. This was not what it looked like from her perspective. How do I know? Well, buckle up because this is absolutely unhinged. So last night before going to bed, I text her a long thoughtful message. I explain that I do apologize for the part I played in ruining her marriage and I understand she's going through a tough time. I understand if she wants nothing more to do with me. But if and when she feels she wants to talk it out, she's welcome to reach out. And I leave the ball in her court.

[00:12:17] I show this to my wife and she is practically giddy. She tells me there is no way this shit doesn't blow up in my face and I should have just cut my losses, like many of y'all said. Emma shows up at my house at around 7am unannounced. I ask what the fuck? She says she really needs to talk to me. I call my wife to the door and explain this. She sends me off with this woman because she understands this shit can go poorly and apparently she is here for it. And it's my own fault at this point.

[00:12:45] So, as I said, from my perspective, we were friends. We drifted apart. From her perspective, for the last 15 years, she's been playing some weird games of 4D chess or two different games of 4D chess. Apparently, she's had feelings for me back in college and she was trying to nice girl her way into the relationship with me by being there for me when my dad died and when I was struggling with being single. She always gave everything because she just assumed I would, at some point, come around.

[00:13:13] You'd think that me getting married or her getting married would change that. And it did. Just badly. Apparently, her husband knew about her feelings which is why he always kept me at a distance. We never drifted apart. He explicitly asked her not to meet with me anymore outside of large social gatherings. That day at the pool, yeah, that was her sticking it to him because he was away cheating on her or something and he didn't like her hanging around me scantily clad. It wasn't just that he was upset at the joke.

[00:13:43] He was upset because apparently I was having an affair with his wife and rubbing it in his face. Makes no sense. I know. It gets worse. That thing at the wedding. Well, at least she didn't plan that. I told our friends getting engaged that I wasn't coming. She asked and verified this. She wasn't expecting to see me and they told her I wouldn't be there. But once I showed up, she decided to exploit it. She intended to have a huge scene with me so that she could tell her estranged husband and friends that I ambushed her

[00:14:12] because she broke off our affair. Our affair. Apparently, we had an affair. Oh, what affair is that you ask? I did too. Apparently, the story some people got was that she and I were having an affair and it ended and I was stalking her. Her husband left her because he found out. So people more inclined to believe her just thought that was what happened and wanted nothing to do with me anymore. So why did her husband actually leave? Oh, some of you called it. According to her,

[00:14:42] he was cheating on her a bunch and overall not a nice person. She never actually cheated on him but used me to pretend that she did without my knowledge. So after a joke at the gathering which may have indeed been in poor taste, they had a huge fight and he left the house. As for the thing with his family, from what I gather, it was some dude sleeping with his cousin's wife or some shit. So anyway, she tells me all this insanity and tops it off with that my message really moved her and we can still be friends. The reason she rushed to show up at 7am.

[00:15:12] My message made her realize I'm actually the one who really cares about her and everyone in her life is fake and don't really care. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed but now this sounds like some really manipulative shit to me and I'm thinking back to a lot of our previous interactions and a lot of them also seem like that to me now. I'm not a confrontational person. I was willing to accept that I fucked up. Maybe some of you were right and the joke was in poor taste and I'm a huge arsehole for making it

[00:15:40] because I thought that if he knew the story, he would get the call back and if he didn't, I'd tell him a funny story about his wife. I accept all that criticism but this? Fuck no. I was done. I tell her I'm done with this shit. She can get back to her husband. Leave her husband. Keep any friend she wants because I'm fucking done. I can forgive a lot but she had been basically not communicating with me for over 15 years. I was telling her everything about my life and my feelings and I was absolutely appalled

[00:16:09] by just how much of a one-way street it turned out to be. I feel like I didn't even really know her. Maybe I played a role in that too. Maybe I was self-centered or selfish and didn't consider her emotions or her signs. I don't know. And you know what? At this point, I don't think it matters. She lied to me so much. She lied to so many people so much. I just don't care anymore. I don't think there's anything left to this friendship to fix. And the worst part? I just gave you this huge update

[00:16:38] and I genuinely don't know how much of it is true. Maybe she was completely honest with me. Maybe she lied about everything and we're still playing 4D chess. Who knows? I certainly don't. And that's more than anything is why this friendship is over. Because even if I can forgive everything, I can never really trust her. So that's that. There'll probably not be any more updates because this was meant to be a light-hearted post and it turned into a total clusterfuck and I'm just so tired and so sad. I'm sorry if this wasn't as readable

[00:17:06] or as coherent as my previous post. This just happened and I'm just exhausted. My wife has been very supportive though I assume at some point I'm due some well-earned I-told-you-sos. She knows there wasn't an affair and certainly no stalking and most of my friends probably know that too. I may try reaching out to some others because, well, I don't know. Maybe they were told even worse things about me. But I'm just done with this and now going to spend what's left of this weekend with my family and try to put this shit behind me.

[00:17:36] Thank you all for reading and for your advice. Gee whiz, what a rollercoaster. There's playing 4D chess and then there's waiting 15 years to tell you that she secretly loved you all this time. And OP's absolutely right and the best way is just to cut this off and be completely done with it. No more contact in any form whatsoever with that person. However, it would be interesting, like OP said, what's been said in the background to friends, possibly family,

[00:18:06] about what she's been saying to these people because it's been 15 years. You never know what's been said, right? But Marv says, so she's been telling people you had an affair. Run for the hills. Open a group chat with friends. Tell the truth. And whoever doesn't believe you, you drop them. If she takes the narrative, would be your word against her. Your face laughs and then says, your wife has the best perspective on this whole shit show. In a couple of years, you'll both look back and have a laugh about insane people you used to hang around with.

[00:18:36] Dump the so-called friends and never look back. I gotta admit, when it said that the wife was giddy at the start of this update, I did chuckle to myself. I felt sorry for OP, don't get me wrong, but I kind of felt like the wife knowing that this was absolutely gonna blow up and go crazy. Again, feel for OP, absolutely, but the picture that OP painted about the wife in that situation did make me chuckle. Majestic Pin says, a habitual liar isn't going to just stop. Now that you've hurt her feelings and rejected her,

[00:19:04] she's going to ramp the crazy up to maximum. You need to protect yourself OP. There may very well be more accusations coming from her that could land you in a world of hurt. Protection order, like yesterday. And that's a very good comment as well. It's, you know, I never know whether it's because I've read one too many Reddit stories, but I don't think it ever hurts to be on the more cautious side of things. But Extreme Jujo says, you need to block this psychopath from all aspects of your life, period. Have nothing to do with her.

[00:19:33] This type of bullshit game plan is exactly how people end up getting hurt or worse. Killed. How many times do we hear of angry, jilted lovers, wives and husbands attacking people? She is a mess. Let her go be messy elsewhere with her messy friends and stop with this reaching out to people for fuck's sake. You're not helping matters and in fact continue to stir the pot. Understand this is upsetting and you want to clear the air and your name and reputation, et cetera. But constantly reaching out to people and talking about this mess is making things worse.

[00:20:03] The only people whose feelings you need to care about are that of your wife and family. They seem supportive, as do some of your friends. So move on. And one more comment from Armourer who says, I was not expecting an update with this level of insanity. I'm glad your wife is supportive and taking this well because Emma absolutely crossed the line by defaming you publicly, which has cost you friendships all over lies she told to cope with her failing marriage. You need to set the record straight with everyone, even if you choose to part ways

[00:20:32] because your wife does not deserve being ridiculed or whispered about by others. Plus your kids will eventually get wind of it and could even be bullied over this. Emma obviously has emotional issues that she needs to deal with and that is her problem. Stop talking to her. She didn't do anything wrong to feel guilty over. The joke was actually funny in context. And there was lots of back and forth. Lots of people saying, you know, just cut everyone off who's to do with this, basically. Other people saying that they would want to set the record straight

[00:21:02] for other people involved. What path would you possibly take? Or maybe you've got a different take on the matter. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.