I Left My Baby Shower Early When She Called My Child "Diseased" r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Now today's first story comes from Toaster in the bathtub, who says am I the asshole for leaving my baby shower early and causing a scene? Throw away account. My 32 female husband of 7 years, 32 male and I are pregnant. We have one previous child and 6 female fake name who has epilepsy. She's had one seizure before, relevant later in this story. To be honest, my mother-in-law is horrible.

[00:00:48] She gives backhanded compliments, insults me and my looks and always tries to set my husband up with other people. The last time we went to her place, she said she could make her husband a Tinder account or set him up with some girl who is the daughter of mother-in-law's best friend. My husband has told her to stop but doesn't do anything else. Newsflash, she doesn't stop.

[00:01:10] When sending invites to my baby shower, I told my husband I didn't want my mother-in-law there. He told me, since you're not letting my own mother be in the room with you when you are giving birth, you have to invite her to this. You should be grateful that you get a baby shower at all.

[00:01:26] Also, he wouldn't even be at the baby shower as he has something at work. At the baby shower, I was telling everyone how our baby was once again a girl. My mother-in-law then decided to say, wow, another girl. Let's hope she's not like her sister.

[00:01:41] I asked what she meant by that and she said, we don't need any other diseases in the family. Imagine seeing a newborn baby drop to the floor and shake everywhere. It's embarrassing. At first, I was honestly confused as she clearly had zero idea what she was talking about. Then the pregnancy hormones really kicked in and I started crying hysterically. I left my friend's house and my mother drove me home. Once I got home, I saw my husband there. I didn't know why he was home and not at work,

[00:02:11] but I just didn't stop crying. He said, where are all the gifts? You do realize how expensive some baby things can be. I honestly couldn't believe he said all of the things, so I decided to lock myself in our bedroom.

[00:02:24] About 10 minutes later, he tells me he got a text from his mother explaining what happened. He told me that I caused a scene and should be happy I got to meet with some friends today.

[00:02:35] I tried explaining how wrong what she said was and how she insulted our daughter, an unborn baby.

[00:02:41] She said, well, Anne's epilepsy medication isn't cheap, so I see why she said what she said. You just interpreted it wrong. Apologize to my mother.

[00:02:51] I packed a bag and called my mother to pick me up. I'm currently at her place and she's picking Anne up from school.

[00:02:57] My husband and his family keep blowing up my phone and calling me a drama queen, along with other hateful names, so I need to ask.

[00:03:05] Am I the arsehole?

[00:03:07] Of course, this is far more than an arsehole situation, but you're not the arsehole whatsoever.

[00:03:14] These are abusive people. The mother, your husband, he's allowing this to happen.

[00:03:20] He's enabling this to happen.

[00:03:23] His own mum called your child diseased and he's quite comfortable with that, apparently.

[00:03:28] He's allowing his mother to treat you like absolute crap.

[00:03:33] He's seeing you to the point of breaking down crying and thinks it's acceptable.

[00:03:39] And, you know, there was a lot of lines that jumped out to me in this post, but one of them that hugely was concerning.

[00:03:45] It said, you should be happy I got to meet up with some friends today, which suggests a whole lot to me.

[00:03:52] What about you guys?

[00:03:54] MeButSecret says, you're in an abusive relationship and you need to get the hell out of it immediately before it does irreparable damage to your children.

[00:04:01] Editing to add, not the arsehole.

[00:04:04] BuckyMoral says, not the arsehole.

[00:04:06] OP, I see all the other commenters telling you you're in an abusive relationship, and you are.

[00:04:11] But OP, I'm going to be a bit cruel.

[00:04:14] You're putting your daughter on the firing line to also be abused.

[00:04:17] You're sacrificing her, and for what?

[00:04:20] A man who is cruel to you, cruel to his kids, and has his balls in his mom's purse.

[00:04:25] You heard what your mother-in-law thinks of your little girl.

[00:04:28] You heard her.

[00:04:29] You know what she thinks, and if she is brave enough to say that in public, what is she willing to do in private?

[00:04:35] She's a danger to your kids.

[00:04:37] Your husband sees your child as a drain on his money.

[00:04:40] He agrees with his mom.

[00:04:41] He sees his child as defective.

[00:04:43] He's a danger to his kids.

[00:04:46] With all this being said, why, for all that is holy, are you placing your children in harm's way?

[00:04:51] If you won't leave and can get help yourself, please do it for your kids.

[00:04:56] Computer Crafty says, not the arsehole.

[00:04:58] You're exactly where you need to be, and soon your daughter will be with you.

[00:05:01] Turn off your phone and get some peace.

[00:05:04] Info.

[00:05:05] Wherever are all the gifts, you do realize how expensive some baby things can be.

[00:05:09] This was his response upon seeing you crying.

[00:05:12] Quotes again saying, should be happy I got to meet up with some friends today.

[00:05:16] And says, are you not able to see your friends?

[00:05:19] Quotes again saying, you should be grateful that you get a baby shower at all.

[00:05:23] And says, does your mother-in-law have something to do with your baby shower?

[00:05:27] Let your husband know that you'll be no contact with his mother for the next year.

[00:05:32] Opie says, he knew some of my friends got more expensive gifts, like prams and strollers.

[00:05:37] And he wanted to save money and said, he was thinking of the future.

[00:05:41] I do have friends.

[00:05:42] They are the ones who planned and held the baby shower.

[00:05:46] Imaginary Ant says, not the arsehole.

[00:05:48] This goes way beyond your mother-in-law.

[00:05:50] Your husband is continually telling you that you should be grateful for any decent treatment.

[00:05:55] As though you and your daughter are just worthless.

[00:05:57] This is emotional abuse.

[00:05:59] Leave him and save the texts.

[00:06:01] They will come in handy when evaluating custody and child support in court.

[00:06:07] Lizzie Gal says, sweet baby Jesus in a minivan.

[00:06:10] Give me strength.

[00:06:12] You should be happy you even got a shower.

[00:06:15] Your husband is the arsehole.

[00:06:16] Your mother-in-law is the arsehole.

[00:06:18] How the actual fuck?

[00:06:19] Are you going to mention possible birth defects and deaths to a pregnant woman at a baby shower?

[00:06:24] Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

[00:06:25] Lady, you need to explain to your husband that this treatment is unacceptable.

[00:06:30] And he either gets on board or he moves back in with mommy.

[00:06:33] Lady, he's shown you who he is.

[00:06:35] Give the relatives the fact.

[00:06:37] If you think they are worth trying to keep.

[00:06:39] But otherwise, write them off.

[00:06:40] Run far.

[00:06:41] Run fast.

[00:06:42] We will be subjugated by this woman.

[00:06:44] So, after reading some of the comments, OP came in with an edit and said, wow, this blew up.

[00:06:50] I woke up to 700 new notifications.

[00:06:52] So thank you for all the feedback.

[00:06:54] I just wanted to let you know that I'm meeting up with my husband later today and we'll discuss things.

[00:06:59] I'll be showing him this post and your comments.

[00:07:02] Also, thank you for all your kind messages and the awards too.

[00:07:05] However, I don't know what they do.

[00:07:07] Can someone please explain them to me?

[00:07:09] Thanks.

[00:07:10] See you soon.

[00:07:11] Hope you then update and said so.

[00:07:12] So, I'd like to start by explaining my username.

[00:07:15] My friend who hosted the baby shower suggested the name as a joke.

[00:07:19] When I showed her the kind of things you all said, I also asked, why do people think I'm suicidal?

[00:07:24] So, I'd just like to say I'm not and my friend apologized if we worried any of you.

[00:07:29] Okay, now to what happened.

[00:07:30] All of you were talking about how abusive my husband is.

[00:07:34] I guess I never realized it was abuse just because it wasn't physical.

[00:07:37] I don't know why I had that mindset, but I did.

[00:07:41] I sat him down and started reading.

[00:07:43] Your mother-in-law is horrible.

[00:07:44] Divorce this man.

[00:07:46] And doesn't deserve this, etc.

[00:07:48] I explained to him that I wanted a divorce.

[00:07:50] We were in a public cafe, so I knew there was no way he'd physically hurt me.

[00:07:54] This was how the conversation went after I said I wanted a divorce.

[00:07:58] He said, so, just because a few strangers on the internet told you to do something, you're going to do it.

[00:08:04] OP said, it's not a few.

[00:08:06] It's thousands.

[00:08:07] He replied saying, it doesn't matter who it is.

[00:08:09] You don't even know them.

[00:08:11] OP said, well, you don't know the chefs in the restaurant yet you trust them to cook your food.

[00:08:16] He said, shut the fuck up.

[00:08:18] OP said, it's not my fault.

[00:08:20] All you do is run to mommy and choose her over your daughter.

[00:08:23] He said, I don't give a fuck about you or your opinion, you fucking bitch.

[00:08:28] OP said, ha, okay.

[00:08:32] After that, he stormed out of the cafe.

[00:08:34] I think you'll be glad to know that I emptied our joint bank accounts and took any valuables.

[00:08:39] You might think, oh, that's a happy ending to the story.

[00:08:42] But there's way more.

[00:08:44] So, my father-in-law contacted me, which is weird.

[00:08:47] We only talk at family gatherings and whatnot.

[00:08:49] And he told me he apologizes on behalf of his wife's actions.

[00:08:53] He told me that she never liked me because I stole him away from someone called Melissa.

[00:08:59] Apparently, my husband and her were together during college, but she cheated on him.

[00:09:03] Mother-in-law, however, still loved her like a daughter.

[00:09:06] Turns out, all these years we've been together, he'd been cheating on me with Melissa.

[00:09:11] Mother-in-law knew.

[00:09:12] Father-in-law knew.

[00:09:13] Everyone knew.

[00:09:14] It explains a lot, like why he wasn't at work that day.

[00:09:18] What actually happened was Melissa came over to our house and they had sex in my own bed.

[00:09:23] I was disgusted hearing it.

[00:09:25] I'm not sure how, but she must have left before I came home.

[00:09:29] So, basically, Melissa told mother-in-law and mother-in-law told father-in-law.

[00:09:33] Father-in-law said he regretted not telling me sooner and kept apologizing over and over again.

[00:09:38] I was shocked and started crying.

[00:09:40] I thanked him for telling me and said I just needed some space.

[00:09:44] He also told me that my mother-in-law was telling a different story to what happened on that day.

[00:09:49] None of my soon-to-be ex-husband's family was there, so they didn't know what happened.

[00:09:53] And that's why everyone was telling me to apologize to mother-in-law.

[00:09:57] Mother-in-law told and I started yelling at her for wearing a better dress than me on my special day.

[00:10:02] And I threw drinks and food on her.

[00:10:04] She made a mess of her dress previously, so I'm guessing that's what she used as evidence.

[00:10:10] Father-in-law said,

[00:10:11] The woman really loves herself.

[00:10:13] In a couple of days, I can guarantee you we'll have another picture of herself hanging in our living room.

[00:10:18] I laughed and said goodbye.

[00:10:20] I've also gotten a lawyer to sort out some divorce stuff.

[00:10:23] I'll give you all another update soon.

[00:10:26] Edit.

[00:10:26] Second update is under my profile.

[00:10:28] An edit to the people saying the story is fake.

[00:10:30] Go ahead and believe that.

[00:10:32] Nothing I can say will change your mind, so your opinion is fair.

[00:10:36] However, I don't believe you need to be as rude as you were because I'm going through a bit of a struggle.

[00:10:40] Thank you.

[00:10:42] The OP came in with her second update and said,

[00:10:44] So I already did one update and now I'm going to do the second one here.

[00:10:47] Which I think is what you're supposed to do.

[00:10:50] So, a lot has happened.

[00:10:51] Apparently after my ex left the cafe, he went to a bar and got really drunk.

[00:10:56] He ended up assaulting the bartender and then resisting arrest and hitting an officer

[00:10:59] once the police came.

[00:11:01] So he had the audacity to try and get me to bail him out and I just laughed and hung up.

[00:11:06] So he obviously called mummy and she came to the rescue.

[00:11:09] Hopefully I can use that against him because I'll be fighting for full custody.

[00:11:13] My friend works in the legal sector so she's helping me out with that and explaining it all to me.

[00:11:18] Thank you once again to everyone who interacted with my post whatsoever.

[00:11:22] Positive or negative feedback, I'm grateful for it.

[00:11:25] I also got a lot of good advice.

[00:11:27] Anne has been asking a lot of questions still so I'm going to be explaining everything to her tonight.

[00:11:33] She's pretty mature for her age but I'm worried that this might really affect her.

[00:11:37] Especially since she's so young.

[00:11:38] And there's the usual advice about documenting everything that happens from here on out to

[00:11:45] basically give you the best case going forward.

[00:11:48] And all I can say is well done for getting you and your child out of that situation.

[00:11:53] Incredibly difficult to do.

[00:11:55] Especially when you're in abusive relationships and you don't quite realize it until

[00:12:00] someone on the outside points it out to you.

[00:12:03] Like we always say, some things just get normalized and you start to accept this behavior.

[00:12:08] Until someone points out how severe this is.

[00:12:12] I think it's difficult to realize and make that move.

[00:12:15] So all I can say is well done for OP for getting out of there and looking after your kid.

[00:12:20] Get far away from these people.

[00:12:22] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:12:25] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:12:27] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:12:30] And let's move on to another story.

[00:12:33] Our next story comes from OK Well Here We Are.

[00:12:36] That's titled, My Husband Ditched Us To Go See The Grateful Dead And I'm Done.

[00:12:41] My husband is a deadhead.

[00:12:43] His entire identity is built around his band and he's seen them and their various incarnations

[00:12:48] over 50 times.

[00:12:49] Normally I don't mind but two years ago I was in an accident that left me unable to work.

[00:12:55] I now receive a tiny disability check once a month for it.

[00:12:58] It works but it hasn't been easy with the cost of everything skyrocketing.

[00:13:02] My disability check doesn't even cover the full cost of our rent.

[00:13:06] Even though our rent is the lowest in our area.

[00:13:09] Long story short, Dead and Company is made up of what remains of The Grateful Dead and

[00:13:15] this is supposed to be their last tour.

[00:13:17] We live on the East Coast where he's already seen them twice which was already more than

[00:13:21] we can afford.

[00:13:22] But a few days ago he took it alone and bought tickets to go see their final show in San Francisco

[00:13:28] along with a round trip air and hotel and whatever else he needs out there.

[00:13:32] Me and the kids are left with 10 bucks, some pocket change and what feels like a very big

[00:13:37] fuck you.

[00:13:38] School starts back in a month and the kids both need school supplies and clothes.

[00:13:43] I could name a thousand things we need.

[00:13:45] Things that we're going without while money is tight.

[00:13:47] But this is what he chose to do.

[00:13:50] We're not going to starve over the weekend but I don't even have enough money to go get

[00:13:54] them a pizza while their dad is having a blast on the other side of the country and hanging

[00:13:57] out with his online deadhead fam.

[00:14:00] I understand that this ban means a lot for him and I try to be supportive of that.

[00:14:05] I feel like he's crossed the line here.

[00:14:07] He refused to talk about how much all of this is costing us.

[00:14:10] But when I looked up the cost of the concert tickets, flight tickets, hotels, transportation

[00:14:14] and food, the bare minimum figure I get is still around a thousand dollars.

[00:14:19] It could very well be and probably is a lot more than that.

[00:14:22] I've supported him through a lot of things but this weekend while he's off having fun

[00:14:27] and leaving us to fend for ourselves, I'm slowly planning my divorce.

[00:14:31] I'm playing nice while I get all of my ducks in a row but this is it for me.

[00:14:35] I'm tired of watering down essentials like shampoo or laundry soap, living off rice and beans

[00:14:40] just for him to turn around and take out a loan so he can go to a show all by himself

[00:14:44] across the country.

[00:14:46] Edit to say, I commented somewhere below to let everyone know the current plan.

[00:14:51] Apologies if you have to scroll to find it.

[00:14:54] Hopi came in with her first update the next day and said,

[00:14:57] You guys, I wish I had the time to thank you all individually for the overwhelming support

[00:15:01] I've received here.

[00:15:02] I really was not expecting that when I posted.

[00:15:05] Even though I'm dealing with something so fucked up, I feel so much better than I did

[00:15:09] a few hours ago. Knowing there are so many decent and kind people out there, so thank

[00:15:13] you for that. I mean it.

[00:15:15] As for everyone else, divorce is inevitable.

[00:15:19] He might not be a total monster and I'm sure on any other day I'll be able to tell you

[00:15:23] a thousand different things that are good about him.

[00:15:26] But this is a huge betrayal and I just don't see how we're going to come back from that.

[00:15:30] We're only barely making ends meet now and this one single selfish act of his

[00:15:35] leaves us a thousand dollars in the hole overnight.

[00:15:37] I'm occasionally capable of small miracles, but pulling money I don't have out of my ass

[00:15:42] isn't one of them.

[00:15:44] It's the weekend now, so I won't be able to even think about speaking to a lawyer until

[00:15:48] Monday at the earliest.

[00:15:49] I wish I could say I'm packing up now, but the reality is I'm stuck here.

[00:15:53] At least for a little while.

[00:15:54] The ten dollars I have in my account doesn't go very far these days.

[00:15:58] I'll have money again on the first.

[00:16:00] So tomorrow, I'll be packing just the essentials, birth certificates and the like,

[00:16:04] and taking them to my friend's house for safekeeping for now.

[00:16:07] I'll also be calling my landlord to see about having my name removed from the lease agreement.

[00:16:11] I'm not going to tell my husband I'm leaving yet though.

[00:16:14] He's going to come home and tell me what a beautiful experience it was,

[00:16:18] tell me how much he wishes I could have been there and how it would take me one of these

[00:16:21] days and make it up to me eventually.

[00:16:23] And I'll smile and play along for the next two weeks.

[00:16:26] I'm not sure where I'm going yet, but I do know I'm not going to pay three quarters

[00:16:30] of the rent just to be immediately broke again and have the lights and water and phone all

[00:16:35] turned off a few days later because he put us in a financial pit.

[00:16:38] I hope his social media fam are impressed enough by his presence and Instagram stories

[00:16:43] to make this all worth it to him.

[00:16:45] I hate it.

[00:16:46] I can't even begin to explain how hurt and shocked and tired and angry I am.

[00:16:50] I'm also numb.

[00:16:51] I don't know how it's possible to feel all this at the same time, but hey, here I am.

[00:16:57] Thank you though from the bottom of my heart and for the handful of peons wringing their

[00:17:01] hands about me being a leech and sucking the joy out of his life.

[00:17:05] Keep in mind that I worked from the time I was 16 up until I got hurt and there were plenty

[00:17:10] of times throughout this relationship where I was the breadwinner.

[00:17:13] I provided for him during those times because that's what people in relationships do for one

[00:17:17] another.

[00:17:17] I'm very sorry you've never cared enough about someone else or had anyone care about

[00:17:22] you to understand that.

[00:17:23] I draw disability now because I paid into a system that was put into place to do for people

[00:17:28] exactly what it's doing for me right now.

[00:17:31] I said it and I appreciate the offers.

[00:17:33] I really, really do.

[00:17:35] But if you need to donate to anything, please donate to your local animal shelter or food

[00:17:39] closet or a needy family in your neighborhood.

[00:17:41] This blew up way bigger than I thought.

[00:17:44] My rant was worth to anyone.

[00:17:45] But the kids and I are going to be okay.

[00:17:47] We're leaving tonight to stay with a couple of friends.

[00:17:49] Everything is moving very quickly now.

[00:17:52] It's sort of surreal.

[00:17:56] Updates?

[00:17:57] I wasn't expecting I'd need an update already but he knows.

[00:18:00] Someone here decided to share my vent elsewhere so he saw it on Facebook.

[00:18:04] He's angry that I've made him look like an arsehole.

[00:18:07] I told him all I did was talk about it without naming him.

[00:18:10] And if people decide he's an arsehole based on his actions, he's got no one to blame

[00:18:14] but himself.

[00:18:15] I'm so nervous.

[00:18:16] I'm shaking and I feel like I might vomit.

[00:18:19] Some friends have offered to come help me pack and let me and the boy stay with him

[00:18:23] until I can figure out something more permanent.

[00:18:25] Edit.

[00:18:25] Also, please don't try to send me or anyone pretending to be me, pretending to collect on

[00:18:30] my behalf, anything.

[00:18:31] We're in good hands right now.

[00:18:33] We're not going to go without.

[00:18:34] I figured since this whole thing blew up today, I might as well tell all my friends what's

[00:18:38] going on and they're really pulled up for us.

[00:18:41] So, we're definitely going to be okay.

[00:18:44] In the relevant comments, Minty says, divorce him.

[00:18:47] He's made it clear he doesn't care about you or your kids.

[00:18:50] Anyone that selfish needs to be held accountable and the only way to do that is by leaving him.

[00:18:56] I hope he says I'm finally realizing this.

[00:18:58] He's always been a bit selfish but usually it's smaller things like buying one of his

[00:19:02] fam birthday rounds with our last $5.

[00:19:05] We were already struggling because his last two East Coast shows really set us back hard.

[00:19:10] He missed work for both of those shows but we could have skimmed by because he used his

[00:19:15] PTO for those shows.

[00:19:17] Not only did he take out a loan for San Fran, he has no PTO left and he's missing three days

[00:19:22] of work which means his next paycheck is going to be super slim and we have a new loan payment

[00:19:27] to make.

[00:19:28] I'm expecting this to set us back at least two or three months but probably more.

[00:19:32] The kids go back to school in a month.

[00:19:34] The youngest has had a massive growth spurt and literally none of his clothes fit.

[00:19:38] He's got a single pair of jeans, two pairs of shorts and I think five t-shirts that he

[00:19:42] can still wear.

[00:19:43] I have no idea how I'm going to do this but I'm tired of making all these sacrifices just

[00:19:48] so he can go and do whatever he feels like.

[00:19:51] French Mushroom says that is shockingly bad.

[00:19:54] He doesn't care if you and his own children are low on food and necessities.

[00:19:58] If he's gotten this low, who knows what he will do in the future.

[00:20:02] And you said he's always been selfish.

[00:20:03] This goes beyond selfish and I agree with all the other comments about divorce.

[00:20:07] There's no going back from this, at least that's my opinion.

[00:20:11] I wouldn't be able to ever see him in the same again and I'd be absolutely heartbroken.

[00:20:15] I'm sorry he did this, didn't let anyone downplay his actions.

[00:20:19] Hopey says I keep going back and forth between heartache and rage.

[00:20:23] We've been together for almost 20 years.

[00:20:25] I cannot believe he would stoop so low just to leave us like that.

[00:20:28] I feel so unreal right now.

[00:20:31] I have a doc appointment this week and I'm going to have a call and cancel first thing

[00:20:34] Monday morning because I didn't have the money for it anymore.

[00:20:37] This is so fucked.

[00:20:39] It's 8 in the morning and I didn't sleep at all last night.

[00:20:42] I'm worrying about this stuff.

[00:20:44] I can't wrap my head around it.

[00:20:46] So, Hopey came in with another post that said filing for divorce tomorrow but I'm in

[00:20:50] the middle of a lawsuit.

[00:20:51] Will either of these affect the other?

[00:20:53] Hopey says I was injured in work.

[00:20:54] In a work related accident that has severely affected my mobility.

[00:20:58] And this process has been ridiculously slow.

[00:21:01] In part because my lawyer told me we needed to know how well I might expect to recover

[00:21:05] and a slew of other things.

[00:21:07] And those things require time and doctors.

[00:21:10] I've basically guaranteed a fairly large settlement.

[00:21:13] The problem is I'm planning on filing for divorce tomorrow.

[00:21:16] I had a fairly solid career before my accident while my husband sort of skipped from job to

[00:21:21] job.

[00:21:21] I was fine with that at the time but I'm disability now.

[00:21:24] And my husband has made a series of increasingly awful financial decisions that well, let's

[00:21:30] just say they're bad and I can't stay married to him anymore.

[00:21:33] Are either of us entitled to alimony?

[00:21:35] Will he be entitled to any of this settlement when it comes through?

[00:21:39] If I collect child support from him, is that going to have any bearing on my other case?

[00:21:44] I'm calling my attorney and maybe the divorce attorney tomorrow if my current attorney can't

[00:21:49] do it.

[00:21:50] Hopefully he can recommend someone but I don't know how long it takes to set up a meeting.

[00:21:54] I guess I just wanted to ask here first so I have some kind of heads up.

[00:21:58] Married almost 20 years in South Carolina if that matters.

[00:22:02] My accident was about two years ago.

[00:22:04] He's never acted as my caretaker or anything because I stayed at my mother's home with our

[00:22:09] children where she did most of the caretaking when I actually required it.

[00:22:13] This post was some time ago but I just had a thought.

[00:22:16] I don't know if it's even relevant in the US or anything like that but in the UK when

[00:22:20] my dad had mesothelioma, basically asbestos-based cancer and it was work related so there was

[00:22:27] some stuff going on with attorneys, lawyers, etc.

[00:22:31] From a company that he worked for years ago, pretty much in his youth.

[00:22:36] And I was the one dealing with it because obviously my dad was in a bad place at the time.

[00:22:40] And I was researching all sorts of stuff and one of the things that they could do is

[00:22:45] because he was guaranteed something from them is that you can get some of the money up front.

[00:22:50] And I'm wondering if that's something that could happen in OP's case because

[00:22:54] she's off work because of a work-related incident.

[00:22:57] It's nothing to do with her.

[00:22:59] Therefore, she's going to get a payout anyway so they should be paying something up front

[00:23:02] to keep her comfortable while this is going on.

[00:23:04] Again, I don't know legal stuff.

[00:23:06] That's just what I went through when my dad was about.

[00:23:09] But Dark Moonstruck says he shouldn't be.

[00:23:12] But this is something you should talk to your divorce lawyer about.

[00:23:14] You have far more information and the steps you'll need to take to protect yourself and kids.

[00:23:18] This is a little above Reddit's pay grade.

[00:23:21] OP says I'm planning on doing that ASAP.

[00:23:23] I'm just very nervous and freaking out a little because of course everything blew up over the weekend

[00:23:27] when all the offices are closed.

[00:23:29] 9am can't get here fast enough.

[00:23:31] Thank you though.

[00:23:32] My favorite sound is quiet, says congrats on moving on.

[00:23:35] It's never easy.

[00:23:36] I think the settlement payment should be separate property if received after a legal separation filing date.

[00:23:42] When you file, you'll list community assets and debts and separate property and debts,

[00:23:46] which include things you've had before the marriage and had after the separation.

[00:23:50] I would think that since you don't have a judgment or payment yet,

[00:23:53] you should be entitled to that as separate property.

[00:23:56] OP says thank you.

[00:23:57] It's been nerve-wracking and kind of scary.

[00:24:00] When you file your list community assets and debts and separate property,

[00:24:03] debts which include things you have before marriage and after the separation.

[00:24:07] This part scares me.

[00:24:09] A few days ago, I found out he had taken a loan for personal reasons.

[00:24:12] I have no idea where or how much it was for.

[00:24:15] All I know is I didn't get a dime of it.

[00:24:17] I tried to guesstimate how much he got based on his plans,

[00:24:20] but I've been told by others that number is likely way off.

[00:24:24] I was thinking that as well.

[00:24:25] $1,000 for what he was doing?

[00:24:27] Hell no.

[00:24:28] It sounded like a lot more to me.

[00:24:30] I'm worried that he's done this before because while he makes decent money,

[00:24:34] we've been so, so broke and barely scraping by.

[00:24:37] After bills and stuff, he should have at least $500 left over every month.

[00:24:42] More if he's had any raises since starting,

[00:24:45] but we can't even afford the basics anymore.

[00:24:47] If it turns out, he'd been getting credit cards or other loans

[00:24:50] and owes a ton of money without my knowledge.

[00:24:52] Am I on the hook for that?

[00:24:54] Even if I didn't benefit from it in any way?

[00:24:57] The user replies to OP and says,

[00:24:58] unfortunately, most likely the answer is yes.

[00:25:02] Sign up for a credit monitoring service and run a credit report.

[00:25:05] Better yet, sign up for two accounts, one in his name.

[00:25:08] You'll be able to see what loans and credit cards are taken out,

[00:25:11] an account payment history and balances.

[00:25:13] And importantly, lock your credit so he can't take out more cards or loans.

[00:25:17] You have to lock with all three credit score companies.

[00:25:19] Do this now.

[00:25:20] And that was OP's last update on the situation.

[00:25:24] I hope that they did get that divorce in the end and they did move on and,

[00:25:28] you know, got themselves out of that situation.

[00:25:31] It sounds like a horrific situation to be living in, to be quite honest.

[00:25:34] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:25:36] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:25:39] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:25:42] Just a huge thank you for being here today,

[00:25:44] for getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time.

[00:25:47] Always means the absolute world to me.

[00:25:48] So thank you so, so much for being involved.

[00:25:50] And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:25:53] Take care and much love.