I Learned A Family SECRET Months Ago And I'm Unsure What To Do About It r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:17] Now today's first story comes from ConsistentDirt788 and says, Learned A Family Secret A Few Months Ago. And it's been on my mind due to the holiday. I lost my mother when I was very young. And my father remarried to a woman I grew up calling mum. Mum has an older son and a daughter who is about 12 years older than me. It was never a secret that mum wasn't my biological mother. I see my stepbrother on the holidays but I've had zero contact with my stepsister.

[00:00:47] I learned why that was. My mum and stepsister moved in after she and my dad got married. I didn't remember her being very nice and then she was just gone. I was told that she had to go away for a while. Mum brought me everywhere with her. The store, to her friends places, to the zoo, etc. She helped me get ready for school and helped me with schoolwork. She watched a handful of kids movies in the theatre that looking back were likely indecipherable nonsense to her.

[00:01:16] All three of those Pokemon movies for example. She cried at my high school graduation even when she promised me she wasn't going to cry. She was my mum. She loved me to bits. All the while, she never erased my mother. Her and my dad would look at photos of my mother and dad would tell stories and mum always said she wished she met her.

[00:01:36] My father and maternal grandfather had it for me after she died so I had something to remember her by. I have that photo album in my apartment. Been looking at it a lot lately.

[00:01:48] Here is the kicker. It's not the original photo album. I never saw the original photo album. What made my mum disown my stepsister is that she burned the original after my mum scolded her for being rude to my father and I. Mum discovered what had happened because her and her friends had done it together and one of her friends felt so guilty she confessed to her own mum who called my mum. Mum kicked stepsister out of the house and had movers take her things to her dad's house.

[00:02:14] Dad came home to my mum who explained in tears what was up. She and my dad then went around to family, friends close and distant and even my mother's alma mater to look for photos of my mum to try and make a new album. Dad told me that everyone in my life had risen to the occasion and they were able to build a new album even if some of the original photos and Polaroids were gone forever.

[00:02:37] He had new photos from my mum's college friends. I asked dad if my stepsister ever apologized or tried to reach out. They confirmed she tried but mum fundamentally wants nothing to do with her. I thought a lot about forgiveness and family these last few months. I never knew about the original album so I didn't have much of a reason to hate her.

[00:02:59] I do think the album was likely a last straw for mum and wasn't the primary problem even though destroying the album was cruel and kind of evil. I don't plan on talking to my mum about it. I think it'd be better to respect their desire to continue not having a relationship of any kind with my stepsister. My only plan is to make sure to give both of my folks big hugs. And there was one relevant comment on this with a reply. Someone asked how old was stepsister when this occurred.

[00:03:27] Opie said stepsister was 18 maybe 19. Opie came in with an update some time later and they said I made a post a few days ago about learning about how the photo album made of photos of my deceased mother was actually a replacement album after my stepsister, her bio daughter, destroyed the original by setting it on fire with her friends. This led to my mum, I call my stepmum, going no contact with my stepsister.

[00:03:54] I was just getting something off my chest and was surprised by the responses I got. I text my mum that I knew about what happened and asked if I could call her to talk about it. We talked and did clarify some things my dad lightly forgot. Even before she started seeing my dad, my mum and stepsister were having problems. Her ex-husband was a fair-weather parent and wasn't very supportive. My stepsister during her last two years of high school became part of a clique of girls who were always in trouble.

[00:04:22] Mum had to field several accusations of bullying and otherwise poor behaviour. She tried to get into counselling or therapy but she refused point blank and at certain point you can't force someone if they don't want to go into therapy. She tried grounding her and taking away privileges. She'd also been lying about applying to colleges. So the final few months before graduation were a mad dash to apply for schools before throwing the towel and having her apply to community college.

[00:04:50] When she married my dad and moved the both of them into my dad's house, the only expectations my mother gave her were to be nice and be tidy. She was never expected to babysit me. Well, she couldn't follow those guidelines and clashed almost every day with my mum and dad and would raise her voice at me. I'd been six years old. Watching TV or playing in the backyard. My stepsister only lived in that house for over a month before my mum sent her away.

[00:05:16] The breaking point was reached even before the photo album. My mum told her her ex-husband had to take her for a while. Stepsist was pissed because her father lived an hour away and she wouldn't be able to see her friends but mum put her foot down that she couldn't stay there with the way she'd been treating everyone. My stepsister must have found the album and called her friends to meet up with her where they burned it in a bonfire.

[00:05:40] When my mum asked why on earth she did it, my stepsister thought it would be funny to take something from my father and I that we would miss. Mum ended up kicking her out right there and calling movers that day. She was furious and upset and felt the two of them having some distance apart would be for the best. Mum was also panicking because she thought her marriage had just gone up in flames. However, my father never blamed my mum for what had happened.

[00:06:06] Mum told me she just didn't have the desire to reconnect with my stepsister when she reached out a few years ago. She can't let go of my stepsister's deliberate cruelty to not just her and my father but to me. My stepsister was an adult when she did what she did. In her absence, we had a wonderful husband and two sons. My older stepbrother and I, who were kind to her. My relatives all loved her. She admitted that her mental health had improved considerably without my stepsister around.

[00:06:36] She had wanted to prioritize the people in her life who weren't toxic. She assured me she hadn't left her with nothing. She had full access to a college fund that my mother set up for her when she was born and she would get an inheritance. Mum finished the call by telling me she still felt horrible about what happened to the photo album and wished those memories of my mother weren't gone forever. I told her it was okay and that I appreciated the length she and my dad went to replace it before telling her I loved her.

[00:07:04] To address a few commenters, I did not and still do not have any desire to talk to my stepsister. I just wanted the whole story. I always find that kind of thought process incredibly scary. That she thought it would be funny to take something from the father and OP that they would miss. You know, she thought that. It wasn't just an off-the-cuff grab something and chuck it in a fire.

[00:07:30] It was a plan calling the friends to meet up together, lighting this fire and knowing this was something important to them. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. This comes from the True Off My Chest subreddit from throwawaydelay2365 and says,

[00:07:56] My parents installed a hidden camera in my house without me knowing. Recently, my parents visited my condo. For the past few months since, I've bought it. They visited me regularly just to talk. And so I thought it was just another visit. And it was until I saw something plugged into my living room. Me and my fiancé, I'm 25 female, he's 22 male, clean our place once a week. So I didn't see it until now. And it was a nanny cam. Unplugged it and called my parents about it.

[00:08:26] And they said they didn't know anything about it. I believed them at first. But when my fiancé told me that they were the only couple that had been in our place in the past week, I asked them again. And then they confessed. Their reasoning was honestly appalling. And to put it simply, they wanted to make sure I wasn't having... What? That I wasn't having sex. We got into a really big argument. And I told them to not visit me for a while. But they told me they'd do it anyways.

[00:08:54] And that we'd have a talk in person about me not being compliant. I'm a grown ass fucking woman. There is no valid reason for them to break my trust and put a secret camera in my house. I honestly don't feel comfortable seeing my parents for a long time. They were already pushing their boundaries, in my opinion, with a lot of comments they were saying about my fiancé. They said on numerous occasions he was a slut, which is fucking gross.

[00:09:21] The only person that's convinced me to still let them see me these past few months is literally my fiancé. And yet they still disrespect both him and his culture regularly. As far as I'm concerned, if he's not open to seeing them, I have no reason to see them for some time either. Now, it sounds like they've got an absolute history of boundary stomping and not letting you be an adult. So, yeah, I don't blame you for going down this path at all.

[00:09:49] Hiding a camera in your house to see if you were having sex. You're adults. What was their plan if they caught you? Was they going to burst through the door suddenly? Stop what you're doing right now. Gee, bloody whiz. Ducky Glow says change the locks. If they have the keys or simply don't open the doors, say you're out. That's absurd and in my country it would be a crime. OP says I'm already planning to do that even if they don't have keys.

[00:10:17] I live in the US and I'm pretty sure it's a crime here too. Unless you're talking about the US or us. Environment591 says, OP says, And do more thorough search of the home in case that wasn't only the one camera. Since they could have admitted to one, hoping you would stop looking after they confessed. OP says, That was the only one. We checked every outlet because the camera they use needs to be plugged in. Memory Boy says,

[00:10:52] OP says, No locks on doors, strict curfews, just normal controlling parents things. It honestly became this controlling when I started dating my fiance. They were weird about him on day one. Cow Launcher says, And quoting, Yet they still disrespect both him and his culture regularly. And then says, I won't make any assumptions about which cultures are involved here. But I suspect that the above is a very large clue as to what is actually going through their heads.

[00:11:20] And what the underlying problem really is. OP says, I'm white and Christian. And my fiance is Asian and practices Taoism. Four months later, OP comes in with our update and says, Hi. So it's been a while since I made my first post. I didn't want to make an update on this. However, a lot of really fucked up shit has happened recently. That's been stressing me out as of late. To start from the beginning.

[00:11:44] My parents put a camera in my 25 female and my fiance's 22 male condo without us knowing. They visited our condo frequently up until that point. So we didn't expect anything until we actually saw it a week later. When we confronted them about it, their reasoning was to basically make sure we weren't having sex. And after all that happened, I didn't feel comfortable at all seeing or talking to them again. Or to maybe go no contact.

[00:12:11] Especially considering all the weird shit they said about my fiance prior to this. However, my fiance convinced me to do otherwise. So we talked to my parents about it all. They apologized, which the both of us thought sounded really fake. So we decided to set some boundaries with them. The most notable ones was that they weren't allowed into our condo for the next year. We changed the passcode for our smart lock, etc. And that they could only meet us in public spaces.

[00:12:38] We also asked my parents to admit that they put a camera in our house if we ever wanted to take legal action against them. At the time, we didn't plan to ever do that. And for the past few months since the incident, we haven't seen my parents all that much. Then around Thanksgiving, my fiance saw my parents. I was at work at the time, but my fiance was taking his cousin, 15 male to a fundraising event for his youth church group. My fiance isn't really all that religious,

[00:13:05] but he does identify as Taoist. On the other hand, his cousin is Christian, like my family. I'm pretty sure he's Catholic, while my parents are Protestant. So there is a disconnect there, but regardless, they're both still Christian. My fiance is close to his cousin. And even though I don't really talk to him, besides when I'll watch his volleyball games, he's a nice kid. So when my fiance called me to tell me he was going to spend the day with him, I thought that was fine. But then I got a call from my fiance telling me

[00:13:35] that he saw my parents at the event. When he said that, I just told him to ignore them. To be honest, I don't think I reacted with enough urgency. I should have told him to literally stay the fuck away from them. Like, don't talk with them at all. Because for some reason, he decided to bring his cousin to go talk to them. I love my fiance, so please don't take this the wrong way. But when he told me he willingly brought himself over to see them, I wanted to call him stupid so bad. I don't want to get mad at him.

[00:14:04] But when he tried to explain his reasoning to me, it was just, I don't know, so fucking stupid. He said, when he said hi to my parents, they asked him what he was doing here. And then he introduced his cousin. He said they were actually really respectful to his cousin. It's a kid, so they should be, but I digress. And they talked for a while. His cousin told my fiance that he needed to go now, so my fiance tried to say bye. And when he did, he said my dad grabbed his arm. He said they let go right away,

[00:14:33] but my fiance asked him what he was doing. They proceeded to get into an argument, and my fiance started to film them. He got it on video. Literally as soon as he started filming, they began pushing away my fiance and his cousin. Literally a fucking kid. They were pushing and hurting a kid for no fucking reason. After that, my fiance brought his cousin with him back home, so his cousin's event was ruined for him. For the past few weeks now, me and my fiance have been considering getting a restraining order against my parents, at the very least,

[00:15:03] my dad. Amazingly, my fiance is still somewhat hesitant on going all the way through with it. But once he considers his cousin and the fact that he was affected by my parents too, he wants to get it. It's actually so fucking crazy the shit my parents have done to try and control my and my fiance's life. Then putting a camera in our house was just the thing that really opened my eyes to everything. After this, I don't ever want to talk to them. My parents have been ignoring all of our cause, but I really wonder

[00:15:33] what reason they had to basically involve my fiance's cousin too. Just unbelievable all around really. So there were some more comments with Opie replying, Ceramic Savage says, your fiance needs to take your lead when it comes to your parents. He needs to be on your side. You can't half-ass no contact. Opie says, he's been taking my lead on this, especially after his confrontation with my parents. Before I'd say, he was still trying to maintain a resemblance of a relationship between us and my parents. However,

[00:16:03] now he's just worried about me now, which I really appreciate. Kip says, I think sometimes people who don't have abusive, controlling parents don't really understand the seriousness of it. Hopefully your fiance will listen to you about this now. Opie says, I think the thing with him is that he has had abusive parents. The reason he's always tried so hard to keep the relationship between me and my parents alive is because his parents were abusive to him. And yet he still has a relationship with them. Especially after what just happened,

[00:16:33] that mindset I think is gone from him. But I think just never really made any sense to him. Environmental Arts says, Opie, one, you've been allowing your fiance to dictate your relationship with your parents. You wanted to cut them off, but he said no. Two, he sought them out, meaning he could have avoided the drama by not going near them, as you had agreed prior. So once again, he ignored your wishes. Three, he's only agreeing to cut them out slash look at legal options because his cousin was affected by his choices.

[00:17:02] Four, now you have your friends telling you to take your time, which means there is more time for your fiance to ignore you yet again and go against your wishes regarding contact with your family. You need to stand up for yourself and make decisions for yourself and evaluate the rest of the people you have around you because newsflash, it's not only your parents who disregard your boundaries. An OP replies to that saying, I completely understand what you're saying. I've talked to him about listening to me on all of this,

[00:17:32] but throughout this whole situation, I've been the one making all of the decisions. I've thought about my fiance and his opinion, of course, but I was the one who decided to not cut contact when they initially put a camera in our house and I'm the one really pushing for a restraining order now. He's not arguing with me to not push back on my parents. It's not who he really is. And yes, I know we could have avoided this whole entire situation if he just avoided my parents. I've expressed my frustration with him, but because believe me,

[00:18:01] it's fucking bugging me still that he did that. But like I said, it's who he is as a person. He's a people pleaser. He always tries to make everybody happy. I love him for that, but it's probably really clear now that it's hurting us. The fact that it hurt his cousin as well, who he's told me is like his brother to him, just made it worse for him. Again, I agree. I should stand up for myself and make decisions that benefit me. And I've been doing that. My fiance hasn't been trying to override my decisions with his. He's just trying to make everybody happy.

[00:18:30] It's how he's always been. And especially with him still in university for his degree, it's been really stressful for him as well. And I gotta agree with some of those comments, you know, the boyfriend's behavior as well. Although OP's saying, you know, he's a people pleaser. It doesn't make it any better, does it really? He really needs to understand the gravity of the situation that you want to cut these people off. And that's what needs to happen. And he needs to be with you 100% on this. There can't be a percentage

[00:18:59] where he's gonna waver in any shape or form because they will use that to get back into you. He bumps into them in the street. They will try to wiggle their way in in some way. But regardless, I really do hope things work out for you because that is batshit crazy. Anyway, what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time.

[00:19:28] It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.