I Kicked Out My Mother-In-Law In The Middle Of The Night r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account and it says am I the asshole for kicking out my mother-in-law in the middle of the night. Some background. I, 32 male and my wife, 25 female, have been together for a while.

[00:00:31] We've been together for five years and married for three and expecting our son right now. We have our ups and downs when we first got together because I was fresh out of an abusive relationship and I was her first boyfriend but I'd always noticed that she was really demeaning about herself and she was always really disappointed in herself and this was just six months into our relationship and it hurt to see her like that since she is an amazing woman. I convinced her to go to therapy and to her we would do couples therapy because I did really love her in the short amount of

[00:01:01] time and during therapy and during therapy I learned that her parents were narcissists who only loved their brother, their golden child and when she relayed the abuse she faced, honestly cried and the whole experience made us the strong couple we are today and the strong woman she is today. Back to present. My mother-in-law and father-in-law have gotten a little better over the years which is why we're at low contact from our no contact position.

[00:01:26] My mother-in-law came to visit us, they live overseas since my wife is pregnant and it has been only a week and my wife's mood is completely dimmed. This happened at night when we were sleeping, my wife went to get some juice since she was craving it while I went to the washroom and came back to see a glass on the floor and my mother-in-law shouting at my wife.

[00:01:47] I couldn't handle my anger and shouted at her to get out and told her if she didn't I was gonna call the police so she begrudgingly got out of the house. I calmed my wife down and she told me mother-in-law had gone mad at her because she wanted to drink apple juice because it's bad for the baby and how she doesn't deserve to have a baby if she wanted to kill it.

[00:02:08] I'm now getting calls from her family saying I'm an arsehole because I kicked her out and I even got a call from my parents saying it was an arsehole move and I could have let her stay the night. And I understand I might be the arsehole because I kicked her out in the middle of the night. But at that moment looking at my wife shaking it was the best option. So read it. Am I the arsehole? Edit 2 for people asking me about which kind of apple juice my wife was drinking in the messages. She was drinking natural apple juice which she makes herself from fresh apples.

[00:02:38] Not the one from the market. Absolutely not the arsehole in this situation you was protecting your wife from her mother. If it wasn't apple juice it would have been something else. And the fact that your wife was physically shaking it just tells me everything I need to know about how traumatic the interaction was for her. It's another case of actions having consequences. Your wife has spent time in therapy working through the damage that her parents caused. And within a week her mother was right back to that same behavior.

[00:03:07] And as always there's people jumping in telling you what to do but of course they missed the point. They weren't there to see what your wife was going through in that particular moment. And you need to go back to that no contact situation. But Misfit Incarnate says so much not the arsehole. Go back to no contact unless you want this kind of behavior around your baby. Mountain Goat says not the arsehole. Your in-laws are toxic people. I'm proud of you protecting your wife from their garbage. They don't deserve a place in your family's life.

[00:03:35] Opie says thank you for a second I did really believe that they were getting better not being toxic. But that was just a lie I guess. Mountain Goat replies to that saying The only way mother-in-law's behavior that night is only even 10% okay. Is if your wife was drinking an entire huge bottle of straight whiskey. Apple juice is perfectly fine for an expected mother. Opie says the stress of having her there is way worse for the baby than a glass of apple juice could ever be.

[00:04:01] Opie comes in with her update and says thank you to everyone who responded to my post. Thank you to everyone who voted not the arsehole because I was really conflicted for a few days after the incident. And I also agree that I could have controlled my anger better. A lot has happened since I posted. Me and my wife went to therapy where she told me the reason she accepted her mother's request to come. Because she saw how her mom treated her brother's kids. So she wanted that for our son too. And she really did believe that her mother had changed for the better.

[00:04:30] But as explained by our therapist. That some narcissists refused to change. My wife and I have written one letter. And sent it to every one of her family members. Who's told us we were in the wrong. Which basically said that her mother never cared for her. And never would. And we didn't want that around our children. And my wife wrote about several instances. Where she was subjected to emotional abuse. And even though everyone knew. No one did anything except for her grandma. Her father's mother. She said she is tired of being the bigger one.

[00:05:00] But now she would be selfish for herself. And our child. And if anyone disagrees. They're welcome to cut contact. As she wouldn't miss people like that in her life. Something which shocked both of us. Was when her father called. And asked what happened. And she narrated everything. Her father being the typical narcissist. Trying to gaslight. But with my support and her therapy. She put her foot down. And asked her father if he ever cared about her. Because it never felt like they did. She narrated every instance from her childhood. To her adulthood. Where she was subjected to emotional abuse.

[00:05:30] And how her brother always came before her. Her dad went silent throughout the call. And in the end. All my wife said that. For her currently. She doesn't have parents. And hung up. By the end. All my wife did was cry. And I cried with her. I also called my parents. Asking how they could not take my side. Knowing the history. Because they really loved my wife. Which is why it was so hard. Listening that I'm in the wrong. And they told me that. It was because. Her mother had called them in hysterics. And told them I was physical with her. I was not.

[00:06:00] After learning the truth from me. They came over to apologize. And my mother held my wife. I'm a single child. So I and my wife are everything to them. I would like to point out. That we're in the metropolitan area. And there are plenty of hotels. So I wasn't worried about my mother-in-law finding a hotel. She's loaded. Money isn't an issue. But now. We're just waiting for the little one to be born. And my wife is much happier. And free from her toxic family. WarriorMuffinhead says. Great to hear that things are resolving. The way they likely should.

[00:06:30] I hope your parents never side against you like that again. They have no reason to believe mother-in-law's horrible account. That their own son was an abuser. That part is the biggest betrayal for me. Out of all of this. As wife's parents are already known narcissists. Captain Adam says. Yeah. That concerned me. How it all took one hysterical call. And his parents instantly believed her. Despite knowing about her. And her past. Minitai says. While that response definitely gets a side eye.

[00:06:59] It's actually not that uncommon. A lot of people who don't have experience with toxic and abusive people. Have a really vague and inaccurate idea. Of what that behavior looks like. Even if they understand consciously. Mother-in-law is an arsehole. And has been very abusive in the past. They don't really get how manipulative they can be. Or how casually and easily they lie. So the parents receive a phone call in the middle of the night. From a hysterical mother-in-law. Claiming OP got physical. Even though they've been warned.

[00:07:28] They instinctively believe it's because. They can't wrap their heads around someone. Who can turn hysterical crying on and off like a tap. Or why someone would lie about something that extreme. And easily disproved. Hopefully they're quick learners. And appropriately apologetic. But it's worth remembering. That people like mother-in-law. Use those kinds of manipulative tactics. Because they're super effective. At short-circuiting people's logical defenses. And getting them on their side. But now. I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:07:56] What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down. In the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes in two parts. We have a wife and a husband part in it. The first part is coming from the wife. Which is the user Life Championship 540. And it says. Am I the arsehole. For forcing my husband to choose between me. And his mother. I 31 female. And my fiance 36 male. Are set to get married in July this year.

[00:08:25] We met through a mutual friend earlier last year. And our relationship progressed quickly. He's literally the perfect guy. But the problem is his mother. Katie. Fake name. Katie has been critical of me from day one. She often tells my husband that he could do better. And I'm just an uneducated slum. I could usually disregard her. But when he proposed she went to a whole new level. The main incident occurred when we went to visit her a few days ago. To announce our engagement.

[00:08:54] My future husband excitedly showed her the ring. But she just grimaced. She looked at him and I repeat said. Are you really going to marry that R word gold digger? My husband laughed nervously. And we left quickly after. A little context. I have high functioning autism. It doesn't affect me too much on a daily basis. But I have trouble interpreting emotion. After we got home I sobbed. And asked my husband to tell his mom. This needs to stop. He didn't say much. Just that he loves me.

[00:09:23] And he will get better. But he can't say anything to his mom. When I pushed for answers. He said he can't do anything about it. And left. His sister sent me a text later telling me. I can't make him choose between me and his mother. I'm so confused. Because I literally didn't even ask him to do that. Is there something I'm missing? A commenter says to the OP. As someone else who is diagnosed. You're very clearly missing a non-verbal cue from your fiance.

[00:09:49] And it probably means that he doesn't care about his mom acting like that to you. Commenter 2 says not the asshole. You aren't making him choose. His mommy is. Another commenter says run. Don't entertain the idea of marrying that asshat. He doesn't deserve you. If my mom ever said anything of the sort to my spouse. She'd never see me or hear from me again. Major red flags. He isn't appalled and confronting it on sight. I'm just saying girl. You don't want to deal with this for the rest of your life.

[00:10:19] And you definitely don't want to deal with that during a divorce. Asking to be treated with respect by your future husband's family is honestly the bare minimum. And goes without saying. In his family don't seem to have the capacity to do that. And that's embarrassing for them. You deserve so much better than that. Please please please. Do not waste your time thinking it will change or get better. It won't. They're showing you who they are. Believe them. You will be better off. A couple of days after that. The wife comes in with the update.

[00:10:48] And says hey y'all. Thanks so much for all your replies. Sorry I didn't respond to any comments. I'm just in a really dark place right now. For the update. My fiance came home the next morning. Two days ago. And started acting like everything was normal. He didn't even mention the fight we had. Finally that night I sat him down. And asked him why he was acting normally. He responded that. It was a minor fight. And we shouldn't dwell on it. This made me mad. Because it was a big deal for me. And that fight made me question our relationship.

[00:11:18] I told him this. And he scoffed. In that moment I looked at him and asked him. Is it really not a big deal that your mother called me an R word gold digger? He just scoffed again and said something about her getting older. And not knowing what that meant. I was done at that point. His mother is 63 years old. And acts the same way she did when I met her years ago. I packed the bag. Called my friend to pick me up. And left. I've been staying at her place since then. Not sure where my life is headed now.

[00:11:48] A commenter says. Your life is headed to freedom and happiness. Your boyfriend can remain tied to mommy forever. Maybe you can even learn to do that thing he really likes. Commenter 2 says. He knows it wasn't a minor fight. He just knows you're in the right about it. And didn't want to address it. Another commenter says. Seems to me. Like your life is moving in a better direction. Away from your mama's boy. Who clearly doesn't respect you. And will never stand up for you. The last commenter says. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

[00:12:18] I'm proud of you. It feels dark and difficult right now. And it's okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. And the person he seemed to be. But eventually. You'll find yourself feeling much lighter. Without the weight dragging you down. I don't mean him. I mean the way his mom. And then he made you feel. And you'll find your happiness again. So. Then we was coming into. The husband's side of things. Which was titled. Am I the asshole for choosing my mom. Over my fiance. It says hey reddit.

[00:12:46] Yesterday my friend sent me a post on this subreddit. That was made by my fiance. She totally makes me look like a villain. So I just have to say my side. We've been dating for a while now. And it's been great aside from the past few days. My mother. 63 female. Is a single mother that raised me. And my sister alone. She's always been the most supportive mother ever. And I love her to the end of the world. She's getting on in her years now. And is not the same person she was. She's always been a little over protective of me.

[00:13:16] And so she has never fully accepted my fiance. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Since she doesn't say anything directly to my fiance. Then last weekend. When we were announcing our engagement at her house. My mom wasn't too thrilled. And I admit made a rude remark. Regarding my fiance's autism. It left quickly after. And I comforted my fiance for over an hour. I ordered her takeout. Made a bar for her. And put on a movie. I explained to her that my mom is getting older. And doesn't have full control of what she says.

[00:13:45] My fiance kept pushing. And I eventually snapped. And told her. I can't do anything about it. I'm not sure my fiance understands. Because she doesn't have a close bond with her mom. I stayed at my mom's house. And went back in the morning. Long argument. In short. My fiance started blowing the comments my mother made. Way out of proportion. Not even bothering to mention her age. Like I said. My mom is old. Now she doesn't understand this fully. She left. And I haven't seen her since. Her friend contacted me and said.

[00:14:15] I'm the asshole. For choosing my mom over her. I'm not choosing my mom over her though. And we are still getting married. So. Am I. The asshole. So. I think it's obvious that. His post was heavily downvoted. A couple of top comments on that one says. You're the fucking asshole. Your mom called your autistic fiance. A. Arseler gold digger. How is that not a big deal? There is no good fucking excuse. For your mom to call her that. And I'm not buying the whole age excuse.

[00:14:44] Because my mom is five years younger than yours. And she's very much alert. And aware of what is. And isn't okay to say to other people. Unless your mom has early onset dementia. She knows exactly what the fuck she's doing. You're a fucking mama's boy. You can't stand up for your fiance's dignity. That's fucking pathetic. Shame on you. Another commenter says. Age is not an excuse to be a shitty person. After 63 years. Your mother doesn't have the self-control. To keep rude comments to herself. You absolutely could have done something.

[00:15:13] You chose not to defend your fiance. Because you're too busy hanging on your mom's teat. You're the asshole. And your fiance dodged a fucking nuke. Another commenter says. Perhaps you should have remained quiet. And let us think you're an ass. Instead of posting. And removing all doubt. Another commenter says. The whole point of getting married. Is to create a new immediate family. That means your wife and future kids. Are your number one priority. And cousins. Uncles. Parents. Are distant. Second or third priorities.

[00:15:42] I speak from experience. Where my aging mother is also. A filterless racist asshole. Who spoke down to my Filipina wife. Guess what I did. Make it right. My mom can't control her tongue. So I've since gone no contact. It's been nine years. Since I last spoke to her. And my wife and I just celebrated. Our 11th anniversary. You're the asshole. And will always be the asshole. Until you put your wife first. Always. Now go beg for forgiveness with fiance. Chew your mom out.

[00:16:12] And tell her. She's got one chance to apologize. Or she loses her son. Otherwise. You don't deserve your fiance. This final. Update. And it says. Hey everyone. Thanks so much for all your support. I'm so tired of everything right now. Here is the final update I hope. And then links to the last post. As some of you may have seen. My fiance posted an am I the asshole post. Earlier today. I haven't seen him since our last fight.

[00:16:41] He was pretty much getting destroyed in the comments. So that made me feel a little better. Here is the link to his post. And then shared that link. So anyways. After he posted this. He calls me. And like an idiot. I pick up. And let me tell you. This man did not sound stable. First he was crying. Begging for me back. And then he was screaming at me to. Get the fuck back here. It was heartbreaking to hear the man I thought I was going to marry. Sounds so psycho. I recorded the call. Just in case I needed evidence.

[00:17:11] And then I hung up. And blocked him everywhere. About an hour later. He shows up to my friend's house. Acting crazy. And saying some things I can't repeat here. I called the police. And after they took him away. I left to stay at a hotel. Her friend has been really supportive. But I can't put her in danger. I hope this is the final update. But if anything else happens. Is there a different sub I can post in? I feel like I'm deviating from am I the asshole. Sorry if this isn't edited properly. I just can't with life today.

[00:17:41] Again thanks for all the support. It truly means more to me than I can ever say. And the top commenter said on this one. Kind of sounds like you dodged the crazy bullet. Another commenter says. Just read your ex-fiancee's post. What a spineless mama's boy. Good for you for finally seeing you deserve so much better. And settling for him and his mummy. Another commenter says. Can his mummy put him in time out? And the last commenter said. Oh no. The consequences of my actions. I was just left wondering after this one.

[00:18:10] Glad that OP got out by the way. But I was just left wondering. Like the way that the guy talked. The husband talks in this one. That 63 being old. Like she's lost all control over everything at 63 years old. What an absolute load of bullshit that is right? But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today. Get involved in the stories. Your love. Your support. Your time. It always means the absolute world to me.

[00:18:40] So thank you so much. And don't forget. There'll be a couple of playlists at the very end there. That you can click on. And we'll automatically scroll through all the videos for you. So thank you so much. And I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.