I Kicked Out My Daughter When She Made False Accusations Against My Husband r/Relationships

[00:00:30] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. If you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:46] Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account and it says am I the arsehole here for telling my 19 female daughter she will have to move out of my house if I get divorced because of her lies after her stepdad saw her naked. Throwaway account due to the situation but I need to know because I'm getting calls and texts from family calling me an arsehole for not being on my daughter's side.

[00:01:09] My husband and I have been married for a little over 5 years now. I will say my daughter 19 female and he has an okay relationship. Not exactly father and daughter but almost advice asked in given relationship basically. I've never picked up on anything weird from my husband towards my daughter and my daughter has never said anything or insinuated anything at all as well.

[00:01:31] On Thursday, me and my husband was watching a movie in the living room. We paused the movie as he got up to use the bathroom. I heard him knocking on the door twice. Literally 3 knocks each time on the door, a couple of seconds apart. It was loud enough for me to hear him knocking from the living room.

[00:01:47] The next moment I heard screaming. I rushed to the bathroom and saw my daughter completely naked covering herself and yelling at my husband to get out. I didn't see everything that happened but what I saw after I heard yelling was my husband literally fell over his own feet and struggling to get the bathroom door closed. I asked my husband what happened and he said he knocked and nobody answered. So he went in and my daughter was naked in front of the mirror and he tried to get out.

[00:02:15] After my daughter calmed down, I asked her her side of what happened and she said she was changing and all of a sudden my husband walked into the bathroom. I asked her why she didn't answer him when he knocked. She said he didn't. I told her I heard him knock so I'm sure that he did. She said she didn't hear it because she had her earpods in listening to music. We got the situation sorted and my husband did apologize to her and explained he thought the bathroom was empty and walked in. She even gave him a hug and apologized for yelling at him.

[00:02:44] The problem now is my daughter got family members involved and they are now calling my husband a creep. I got a call from my sister berating me for still having my husband in the house. I asked what she meant and it came out that my daughter spun a whole other story and left out the fact that she was listening to music with her earpods and is telling everyone that she answered him and he still walked into the bathroom to look at her. We have cameras in our hallway and it proves that my husband did knock as you can see it on the video but the cameras have no audio.

[00:03:14] I sat my daughter down and asked her and she denied saying anything like that or that she told anyone anything. I got mad and asked then, How does your aunt know what happened? And she went silent. She said she talked to her niece about it and she must have told her mother. I asked her why did she lie about what happened and made my husband look bad when he did nothing wrong. She again denied lying about anything and I told her what my sister told me. She just started to cry and say sorry.

[00:03:42] She was just talking and making up scenarios with her niece. A whole day yesterday I got calls and texts from family members as the story spread. The wrong story is spreading and my husband is looking like a creep to everyone. I sat my daughter down again and had her read some of the things being said about my husband and told her she has to fix this because her lying is what caused this. She refused saying she didn't spread this and she only told her niece. Aunt doesn't want to say anything to anyone because they will think bad about her.

[00:04:12] She said they know my husband and this will just blow over. Everything did blow up when my husband walked into the living room with his bags packed and said he was going to stay with his parents for a while because he doesn't want to be in this situation anymore where he is made out to be this kind of person. My daughter broke down and apologized repeatedly and said she will fix it but my husband still left. I told her if I get a divorce because of her lie she'd be moving out of my house. I told her she better fix what she did and tell everyone what really happened

[00:04:41] because I will not be losing a man that loves and actually cares for me like my husband does over lies. She asked me to help her and I told her no. She isn't a child anymore and her lies for attention did this. This is on her. I already tried and now I'm being accused of taking my husband's side and not providing a safe space for my daughter. I don't know what to do. My husband asked for space and my daughter is inconsolable at the moment. I'm not in the best state myself.

[00:05:09] Sorry if my post is all over the place. I don't even know if my title is correct on this post. I've re-read and re-read and it still doesn't make sense to me. The first commenter said to OP this looks like a setup because the daughter knows that she does not live alone and yet she did not close the door to the bathroom while listening to music on her headphones. What's more you have camera footage of him knocking and waiting. If you truly love your husband continue to be by his side. OP says I am on his side completely and fully.

[00:05:39] I don't want to lose him. My family is just making it difficult because we are very close and every time I try to explain what really happened I'm just called an arsehole and making excuses. Someone asked where's OP's ex-husband, the daughter's father. OP said excuse me this is my first marriage. My daughter's father ran the day he found out I was pregnant and I raised my daughter alone with help from my family until my husband came into my life. OP then responds on why she has cameras inside their house and their setups.

[00:06:09] OP says camera is in my hallway and you can see all the doors to every room from the camera. It's pointed down the hall, not at any door specifically. You don't, isn't that normal? We have cameras around the house and inside pointing at two entrances and then one pointing down the hallway that shows every door. My husband sometimes works away from home and if I get woken up throughout the night I check the cameras if I heard anything. I'm not just going to run out of my room to check the house. I check the cameras first to see if someone's in my house. Who just goes into possible danger without knowing what is there?

[00:06:39] I feel like this is normal. My other commenter said you could very easily lose your husband and I wouldn't blame him. Does he do things for your daughter such as errands, favors or financial support? If so, that's a heck of a way for him to be treated. OP says all of it. My husband is the one that gave the majority of the money for our car and he's also covering a college tuition. Unfortunately, my work doesn't pay that much. He makes the majority the income of the household. OP is then accused of picking a husband over a daughter and OP says,

[00:07:09] So I should choose my daughter who lied for attention or some reason. Don't really know why she lied, especially over something like this. Over a man that has done nothing but love me and cared for us both without asking anything in return. I will sound selfish now. I know that, but I don't care. My husband comes first now. My marriage comes first. Trying to fix what she broke comes first, not her. Especially since she refuses to help fix what she broke. Actions have consequences and again, I will be called a bad mother,

[00:07:37] but she's going to learn this lesson the hard way. Sometime later, OP updated that post and said, Sorry for only updating now, but I'm not in the best of places at the moment and it's taken me a couple of days to get my thoughts together. I don't know what to do anymore. My husband has asked for a divorce. First, let me answer a couple of questions I saw coming up repeatedly. We have locks on every door in the house. I don't know why my daughter didn't use the lock on the door. The cameras inside the house isn't pointed at any door except for the ones

[00:08:06] pointed at the front door and back door. The other camera is at the end of the hall and you can see every door in the hallway from that camera. We have a bathroom in our room, but we can't use it at the moment. The water is completely shut off due to renovations of the bathroom. My husband has asked for a divorce. On Friday, he came back home and asked to talk. During our talk, he showed me his phone and some things my family members were saying about him was just outright horrible. Calling him a pedo. Asking him how many times he has taken a peek before.

[00:08:36] I don't recognize any of my family anymore. I understand if he actually did something, but he hasn't and the hatred they are showing over a stupid mistake tells me they refuse to listen or they have hated him from the start and is now using this to try and get rid of him. He said he can't ever come back and this has now started to affect his work life as well. He was called into HR to explain because some of my family members have called his office. Luckily, they haven't done anything and refuse to do anything until their case is brought against him.

[00:09:05] They know my husband very well and I think they believe him as well because he is still working. During our talk, he explained that he does love me and still does and he is happy I stood up for him but my daughter's actions have caused too many problems, accusations and made him scared. He explained, he sat at the office and at his parents' home every day just waiting for the police to show up and arrest him. He said her lies broke him and he can't see a way to come back from it. I asked him to reconsider and maybe we can go for counselling but he also refused saying

[00:09:35] everything is too broken to fix. I told him that I would kick my daughter out and told him about everything I did and told my daughter to do but he said I'm missing the point. His life could have been completely ruined because of a lie. My family will never trust him again and will always harbour hatred or suspicions about him. Especially now my daughter wants to clear things so long afterwards they will think that we forced her to do it and that will just make things worse. He said he will always remain the creep in their eyes.

[00:10:03] I asked him what if I cut off my family and we moved away because I was already working on that. I showed him my phone and the message I have sent every single person so far that refused to listen and that I blocked them. He asked what about my daughter. I told him again I'd be kicking her out and she'll be staying with my parents from now on. He asked what if we move away will I abandon my daughter and because he doesn't want to be near her or be alone with her at all. I didn't know what to say about that. Before I could answer he said again it's better for us to get divorced.

[00:10:33] He said I will never ask you to abandon your daughter. I will never expect you to do something like that but I don't want her anywhere near me. If you abandon your daughter I don't know if I could ever look at you the same afterwards even if it was for my sake. The only solution here is for us to get divorced. My daughter came running down the hallway into the living room crying I think she was listening to our conversation. Before she could get a word out my husband jumped up from the couch and put his hands out and asked her not to get near him. He said before you say anything

[00:11:02] I will start to record the conversation now and took out his phone. I think I saw something break in my daughter's eyes at that moment at the realization of everything hit her all at once. She asked my husband to forgive her and she never meant for things to get so out of hand. She was just making up scenarios with her cousin and her cousin was the one that ran with it. My husband asked her why she didn't clear it up immediately then. She said she didn't think it will go this far and thought it will just blow over because everyone knows him. He showed her his phone and asked her to read some of the messages

[00:11:32] and my daughter went completely silent. We talked for about four hours and then my husband said he will give us three months to move out of the house because it is his house. My daughter can keep the car because it was a gift and that he will finish paying this year's tuition but will not be paying anything going forward. He said he hasn't gotten a lawyer yet but told me to get one. He would like to do this without a lawyer but if I want to I can get one.

[00:12:07] Audible You should now audible.

[00:12:54] He said he will be fair in the divorce and doesn't harper anything against me. But he can't stay in the relationship. My daughter was just sitting on the floor looking like a ghost and I couldn't just say anything, just listen to him talk about divorce and what will be split and what not like it was nothing. He was talking like the last five years was nothing and it was just easy to move on. The best way to describe it was like he was returning something to a store. He left the house and I just sat on the couch. I don't know if I was crying, talking or what.

[00:13:21] I can't remember much as everything was muffled around me. Until my daughter started to full on cry saying sorry, sorry, sorry over and over again laying on the floor. I don't know how long I sat on the couch but when I got up I saw my husband's car still in the driveway. I looked out the window and I could see him full on crying in the car. Seeing that completely broke me. My daughter and I haven't talked since my husband was here Friday. Not a word to each other. My family members have showed up to the house to apologize because apparently my daughter

[00:13:51] has all of a sudden now cleared up everything and she herself shared a video from the camera with the family members. Every time they show up I just close the door in their faces. I got on Facebook, Instagram, calls and texts from them and when I block them they keep making new accounts or use different numbers. I don't want to lose my husband. I really don't. This is the first man I've ever met that has actually treated me with kindness, respect and love. And now it's all over.

[00:14:18] I've tried to talk to him and tried to convince him to go to counseling with me but every time I've tried he sends back I can't. I can't take the risk. I've tried to meet him in person but he just says it won't be a good idea. I've gone over to his parents house but they refused to let me see him. I've gone to his work to talk to him but I was told he was sent home by his boss. I truly don't know how to fix this. Having my daughter move out now won't work because I need to be out of the house as well. I don't want anything from my husband. I just want him.

[00:14:48] I haven't talked to a lawyer yet but I don't think I can keep the house. He owned it before we moved into the house. I really want to fix this. I still want to kick my daughter out of the house but will he still give me a chance to fix even after what my husband said about me abandoning my daughter and not seeing me the same afterwards? I don't know anymore. Am I really going to lose a wonderful man? Edit. I forgot how Reddit fixates on one thing. A comment about the house I made. I have no intentions of trying to take his house or anything like that.

[00:15:17] It's not my house. I had questions in my previous post about the house and I think I just answered it. I'm not going to try and take his house. He owns it and has owned it before we got together. I have no right to the house and will not try to take the house. Hope it clears things up. Hope it adds some clarifications. They said my daughter talked to her cousin. My sister's daughter. Sorry for the mistake and confusion. I'm not in the right headspace for last week. Someone questions why the husband didn't get out from the bathroom right away.

[00:15:46] Hope it says when I got up after my daughter started screaming it took me two steps and I could see into the hallway. What I saw was him backing up and fumbling and grabbing at the door to close it. The commenter says I want to know the reaction of the cousin and aunt who ran with it. Hope it says they are completely silent. And refused to answer calls, text or even open the door when I went to their house. Another commenter says it's over. Your daughter and your family almost destroyed his life.

[00:16:13] From his perspective he's probably feeling somewhat grateful she only destroyed his marriage. Listen. They phoned his work and leveled accusations. He got pulled into HR. He was sitting at his parents house waiting to be arrested. That is hugely traumatizing. And now you phone him. Show up at his house. Show up at his parents house. Show up at his work. Sis. Stop. It's over. Another commenter says quite simply you can't fix this. What your daughter did is absolutely horrendous.

[00:16:43] She's very much ruined your soon to be ex-husband's reputation and your relationship with one lie. Stop visiting him at work. Stop trying to contact him. Just stop. Stop. As hard as this is for you, it's harder for him. The more you reach out violating his boundaries, the more likely he will build resentment. If you are unable to understand his wishes over contacting him, it's no wonder why your daughter has boundary issues. Focus on rebuilding yours and your daughter's lives fresh without him.

[00:17:11] Get therapy for your daughter so she learns to be better. Right now she's a dumpster fire. It sounds like he's going to be very kind to you in the divorce. The commenter says give him all he asked for. He's being gracious enough not to press charges against your stupid daughter. So let him have his life back. And a final comment says your daughter needs to take responsibility for the entire thing. She's 19. Therefore an adult. Falsely accusing a man in this day and age of sexual assault or pedo or whatever is a life ender.

[00:17:40] Your family helps see to that as well. Meaning that whether it was the cousin or your daughter, they decided to put it on blast. That is on you all to get your daughter and cousin to admit it to the family. It is safest for him to leave you guys. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:18:04] This one's from Chicken and Kittens and says am I the arsehole for ruining our family dinner after a comment about my smile? We're currently on a family vacation. Myself, husband, two kids and my parents. A little background. My mother is odd and my dad has commented as long as I can remember that she and I are like oil and water. I can't even put her oddness completely into words. Other than to say she feels completely competitive over my father's attention. Not even with just me.

[00:18:34] But also with her grandsons. If my father wants to read them a story or tuck them in bed, she interrupts and tells them it's time for him to go to sleep. It's incredibly cringy to watch. The other pertinent fact is that I have chronic pain. Every avenue has been exhausted. My successful career is gone. But my mother always downplays it like I just have a little headache when she knows that I am never not in pain. In contrast, she is constantly looking for a reason to see a new doctor.

[00:19:03] Every tiny twinge is the end of the world for her. So tonight, we were set to go out for our first family dinner. We got to the lobby and everyone's dressed up and it's decorated for Christmas. So I'm getting pictures. I finally asked my dad if he would take a picture of our family of four. As we're posing with our children in front. I see my mother go right up next to my dad and yell out. Stop that! You need to fix your smile! I honestly think she was talking to one of our boys. Since I can't see their faces. I add in. Okay, nice smiles.

[00:19:33] However, my mom interjects again. No, you. Then says my name. Your smile is horrible. It looks like... And she takes her fingers and puts them each side of her mouth and pulls one up and one down while tilting her head. I'm honestly baffled as I'm genuinely smiling. I realize that my smile probably doesn't extend up to my eyes like it used to as a result of the pain. But she's acting like I was doing a goofy face. I go to reset and once again she yells, Stop making that face!

[00:20:02] At this point, I'm angry. I leave the pose, get the phone from my dad, pick up my purse and start walking towards the restaurant. But she's not done. She hurries after me and continues to tell me how I need to look at the photos to see how awful my smile was. I did. And it was not. There was nothing wrong with the picture. The fact that she kept going on and on justifying her actions. I was finally just done. I stopped walking and told my husband I'm sorry but I'm going to go back to the room.

[00:20:30] And that he and the kids can go to dinner without me. I was on fire with anger which gave way to tears as soon as I was out of her presence. So in her mind and maybe everyone else's, I'm the one who ruined dinner. And I probably did. I should be able to just let her words roll off me. I feel like a shell of my former self from everything I've lost to this devouring pain. Now I can't even smile correctly. However, I'm pretty sure I'm being the asshole to the people I love the most.

[00:20:58] And that makes the whole thing even worse. Absolutely not the asshole in any way, shape or form. And I'm sorry that you're having to go through that. Your mother wasn't just critiquing your smile. She was trying to humiliate you in front of your family. She's physically mocking you with gestures. Chased after you after what she did. And then plays the victim when you removed yourself rightly from the situation. And it sounds like it's a pattern for her.

[00:21:24] She downplays your very real chronic pain while dramatizing herself. And it sounds like she likes creating drama to be the center of attention. You didn't ruin dinner. You just protected your own mental health by removing yourself from an abusive situation. And your smile is perfect because it's genuine. The only thing wrong here is your mother's behavior. But where were the adults says not the asshole is past time to put some distance between you and your mother. She has serious issues as she's jealous of you and your children's interactions with your father.

[00:21:55] That is not mentally healthy. Realize two things. First thing is what she's doing is what's known as mental abuse. That is all it is. The constant degrading is abuse. She's humiliating you in public for maximum effect. This is coming from her unhealthy need to be the center of attention. She sees you as competition for that. So acts to emotionally hurt you to eliminate the competition. She's not well. The second thing to realize is this. Being around her is teaching your children that it's okay to disrespect you.

[00:22:24] And that they should tolerate disrespect from loved ones. This is setting a terrible example for your children. Remove them from that dynamic. Sad is at best an enabler. He just lets mom run all over you to her heart's content. He's not innocent in this story. So the TLDR, your parents are terrible. Time to focus on your own family and get some space from them. And I think pretty much that comment just said it all really didn't it?

[00:22:50] I just find it incredibly sad that I sort of wonder about their past history with all this as well and what OP's been through with this person. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the story. Your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much for being here. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.

[00:23:53] Take care and see you in the next one. We know how? With LinkedIn.