I Kicked Out My Dad As He "Couldn't Afford To Feed Me Anymore" r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now, today's first story comes from lankyad2666 and says, Am I the arsehole for kicking out my dad after he said he couldn't afford to feed me anymore?

[00:00:29] Here's the backstory. 28 male, got my own house now. Moved out at 18. Not really by choice. My dad basically pushed me out. Our relationship's been rocky since then. He's always been a huge drinker and smoker, which caused plenty of issues back then. Fast forward, he lost his house a couple of months ago. Didn't keep up with loan payments, so he calls me up. Says he needs a place to stay while he gets back on his feet. I laid out a few ground rules.

[00:00:59] Either pay rent, $400 or cover groceries, about $250 to $300. And absolutely no smoking in the house. He laughs and says, I'm your father, I shouldn't have to pay. But I didn't budge. So he reluctantly agrees to buy groceries. From the moment he moves in, it's just one problem after another.

[00:01:20] Leaves a mess everywhere, doesn't clean up, smokes inside, even though I made it clear that's a no go. And drinks like there's no tomorrow. Then one day, I have a girl over. And he just has this meltdown over it. So I tell him, listen, if he can't respect my space, he'll have to find somewhere else to stay. Things settle for a bit, but last week, he hits me with, I don't have the money to buy groceries this month.

[00:01:46] I'm like, why? He says, well, you eat a lot. And admits he spent all his cash on smokes and drinks. That was it for me. I was done with him acting like he owned a place, done with the flashbacks to dealing with him as a teen. I told him to pack up and leave. So, am I the arsehole here? I set clear boundaries. He didn't follow through. Edit. And I never thought my post would garner so many reactions.

[00:02:14] I'm glad I'm not the arsehole and thank you all for the support. I'd like to clear out a few things. No, we didn't have a formal contract when he moved in. It was all world-based. Checking him out won't be easy, as police don't tend to offer much support to a son in relation to the father. The societal response is that a son should take care of his old parents. This was one of the reasons I agreed to take him in. Like, if I could do something good for him, maybe it'd change his view about me.

[00:02:42] The feeling of being validated by my own dad after years of neglect was strong, not gonna lie. I see now how foolish it was to take him in. How do I get him out of the house if he refuses to leave? He'll go out to buy supplies. I'd change the locks, moment he leaves, and go out too. If he breaks anything, then it's cop time. I gotta admit, and I'm sure a lot of you are exactly the same, soon as he laughed and said I'm your father, I shouldn't have to pay, I knew this was going to be trouble.

[00:03:11] He sounds like one of those because you're his son, that everything else by extension is also his. But absolutely not the arsehole. Like you said, you set up boundaries, he broke them, that's on him. You did an amazing thing to offer that him in the first place, which, you know, he took the piss out of, so, you know, consequences. Detroit Smash says, not the arsehole. Your house, your rules. When the bills come in his name, then he can run his house the way he wants.

[00:03:41] Three Heathen's mum says, not the arsehole and good on you, OP. Likely some people may tell you how mean you are. The response to those folks is, you'll be happy to provide your dad with the info they would like to house him until he gets back on his feet. That should quiet things down considerably. Georgie says, not the arsehole. His, I shouldn't have to pay, showed his respect for you before he even moved in. Give him a month's notice maybe, but that is as far as your charity should go.

[00:04:08] OP says, I gave him until the first week of November. The only thing he actually needs to pack are his drinks and smokes. He has stored almost everything from his house in storage. Z4 says, not the arsehole, kick him out. Apparently losing his own house wasn't consequent enough for him to realise that he needs to change some things in his life. So, as he disrespected your reasonable rules, he needs to feel the consequences by losing the place he could stay again.

[00:04:35] And in case he gets family and friends involved, what inevitably will happen, you can tell everybody who says you should let him stay that they are welcome to open their home for your dad and offer him to stay with them. OP says, I'm already painted black in front of most family members. I don't know what they're going to tell me, which they haven't already said earlier. LOL. So, OP came back in to update their post and says, he moved out today. Sorry to disappoint you, but the process was surprisingly peaceful.

[00:05:04] The day of the last post, my dad told me he needed to talk. I braced myself. What he said was totally unexpected and welcome for me. He said that he couldn't bear the disrespect I've shown him and he was never going to contact me again. His words, you failed me as a son. I told him if he needed help in the future, he could contact me, but he must abide by some conditions. He scoffed and said he was leaving soon and didn't talk to me again. He left today.

[00:05:31] As I said earlier in the first post, he had little to pack and had most of his possessions in storage. He didn't tell me where he was going and didn't bid adieu. Not gonna lie, I was comfortable with it. A toxic part of my life was being erased. I'm feeling a different kind of freedom, which I haven't felt even after I left home. Where he goes now is none of my concern, although I would have liked to at least know where he's going. Oh well, this is the update. It might be a bit disappointing for this sub,

[00:06:00] but I personally am very relieved how this played out. Thank you all for the advice and all the responses. This means a lot. Back to lurking with my main account. Peace. Commenter says, we can only be thankful when the trash takes itself out. Grats on your newfound peace. Another commenter says, change the locks and monitor your credit history for a while. Better to be safe than sorry. Congrats. I hope you make the list of your independence. That update had me a bit up and down at first.

[00:06:29] The first couple of lines when he said he needed to talk to you, you braced yourself and what he said was totally unexpected and welcome for you. And because you said it was surprisingly peaceful at the start, I thought it was going to be like he's going to turn around and he's going to be really apologetic for what he did. But of course he wasn't. And although he said he's never going to contact you again, I reckon he will. In the not so distant future, when he realizes that no one else wants to take him in or everyone else is fed up of his shit.

[00:07:01] But I'm glad it worked out for you in some ways the best way possible. Like that commenter said, the trash took itself out and you can go back to living the way that you want to without having to worry about what he's doing in your house and taking the piss basically. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from LegitimateDinner375 and says,

[00:07:28] am I the arsehole here for refusing to take a DNA test even though my dad wants me to? A month ago, I, 19 male, found out my mom had an affair around the time I was conceived. A couple of days later, my dad asked me if I'd be willing to take a DNA test. This was hard on me. Growing up, I always felt like my dad liked my brothers more than me. He would always be more interested in doing things with them and I just thought it was because he had different personalities.

[00:07:56] I never thought that it might be because I wasn't his biological son. But my dad asked for a DNA test. I told him I didn't want to do it. I don't want to know and I don't want him to think differently of me if it turns out I'm not his biological son. He told me that he wouldn't think differently of me and was just ready to know the truth. I told him that I didn't believe him because I felt that he always liked my brothers more than me and I asked him if it was because he didn't think I was his.

[00:08:23] He told me that this was his first time hearing that and told me that he loved us all equally. He said that he was hurt that I thought he didn't like me and never went to him about it. He said that the possibility of me not being his never left his mind but he just couldn't connect with me as well as he could with my brothers and apologized for making me feel that way. This didn't make me feel any better. He asked again for a DNA test and I told him that I did not want one and I wasn't going to change my mind.

[00:08:53] I told him that. He told me he understood and to let him know if I ever did. A couple of days after that my brothers basically tried to confront me about it. They told me that they talked to dad and they believed that I'm being selfish. They said it's been on his mind for years and he has a right to know and so do they. They said I should at least give my DNA sample to our dad so he can know but I don't want to do that. I'm currently not speaking with my mom and don't plan to anytime soon.

[00:09:22] I'm pretty sure my brothers and my dad are upset with me too. My dad is telling me he's not upset and he understands but the way my brothers are acting I'm not really sure. My boyfriend told me that he sees both sides but think my dad does have a right to know and think I should do it because it's just prolonging the inevitable. I don't think I'm prolonging anything because I never want to find out. If my dad says he wouldn't change the way he'd treat me or see me then I don't think the test is necessary. Oh deary me.

[00:09:52] This is an incredibly sad and tough situation and one that I think this sounds horrible to say it but I don't think is going to go away just by doing nothing about it. To me it sounds like the dad has his doubts and they're not going to disappear by you not taking that DNA test and part of me is like well you've been treated indifferently or to this point anyway. It's just such a sad situation. SVPaladin says Did I read that right? You've been pretty much

[00:10:20] the black sheep of the family due to questions of your paternity for your whole life so far and dad promised that not much will change support, availability, connection, etc. wise. If you test and it confirms his fear my only question would be how would he react if you were his confirmed by DNA especially since he admits that you two didn't click due to the paternity issue making you that second class kid in your own house. I'd lean to having the test if only to confirm medical histories

[00:10:49] and if you aren't his maybe find your bio father. Opie says Yeah, I guess so. I was always closer to my mum growing up my dad and my brothers all shared the same interests and I was never into any of the things they liked. I'm not sure how he'd react if I am his but I truly feel he wouldn't want anything to do with me if I'm not and that's what I'm scared of. Izbuzzbop says If you were not his and that causes him not to want anything to do with you then you're better off.

[00:11:18] Anyone who could raise a child as their own even if they had doubt and then cut them off like that for something out of their control is heartless and you deserve better. Werewolf difference is not the asshole but it's a lose-lose scenario either way. If you don't take the test then dad and sibs will assume you are not your dad's biological son. If you do take the test and he's not your dad then your relationship may get worse but it's going to get worse if you don't. If you take the test and he is the father then maybe he apologizes

[00:11:47] and your relationship gets better unless you find that you resent him for forcing you to do the test. Idea Tell them that you will only do it if all of you take a DNA test. The results might be predictable but what they do aren't. Caution A person should only take a DNA test if they're willing to live with the results. Masked Crocheter says not the asshole. Ask him for family therapy first between at least the two of you to strengthen your bond. Tell him you're trading peace of mind

[00:12:16] for peace of mind. Tell your brothers that if any of them or him had a better relationship with you then you wouldn't be hesitant now and that if they really want you to go through with this then this is how. Tell them you want all of them to make enough of an effort to make you feel like family to earn your trust so you don't have to be afraid that you'll be tossed aside if you all don't get the answer you'll want. Remind them that your dad isn't the only victim but you are potentially the only victim that may get punished for the rest of your life

[00:12:44] for something that's not your fault. And one more comment from Kuba who says he hasn't been able to let go of the issue for nearly 20 years but he swears nothing will change for you regardless of the answer. He may not know it but he's lying. Best case scenario you are his and he still acts weird around you and doubts the test. Worst case you aren't his and he and your brother's disown you. If you haven't already I'll take steps into getting my own place and cutting any reliance on your family. Not contact

[00:13:14] but reliance. That way if you ever do decide to get the test you aren't risking your living situation. Oh and not the arsehole. Is your body not theirs? If you're uncomfortable with what a test like that could change then don't take it. And around four months later Opie comes in with her update and says After a lot of back and forth I decided to go through with the DNA test. I felt pressured and just gave in. It was terrifying and I regretted doing it initially.

[00:13:43] I was scared to know and scared of what would happen if I wasn't actually my dad's. I was feeling a lot of feelings and often cried waiting for the results. When the results came in it turns out that he is my dad. That's exactly what I wanted but it still felt wrong in a way. I'm not sure how to explain it. I just felt and still feel sad. I know he said nothing would have changed but I know things would have. I just felt that if he knew I wasn't his he wouldn't want anything to do with me.

[00:14:13] Not that he has anyway. When I originally wrote my post I said I wouldn't talk to my mum anytime soon. I lied. I think I started talking to her about two-ish weeks after not exactly sure. I wanted answers and kinder to understand her a little bit more. My mum and I are still not as close as we used to be but not talking to her either made me sad as well so I'm kind of in the middle. I was never close with my dad or brothers so when I lost that trust and connection with my mum I really only had my boyfriend left.

[00:14:42] If I didn't have him I would genuinely feel alone right now. My dad has been trying and I appreciate that in a way. He keeps trying to invite me to places and stuff. I went a few times but I kind of just felt out of place. He rarely did this before the test and it's making me feel sad that he's doing it now. When I hang out with him it feels forced. My boyfriend tells me that I might be making it up in my head and I might be but I don't know how to address it with my dad. On the bright side my family did

[00:15:12] apologise to me. Absolutely you're not in the wrong to feel the way you do about this at all. You know yourself how your dad would have treated you if the results were the other way around so then to suddenly make a switch up after 20 years of not bothering is going to feel forced. Of course it is. And I wouldn't know what to suggest in terms of advice for this kind of thing because you know I think it's very personal. For me I think I'd want

[00:15:42] answers. I would want true answers from him and tell him exactly how I'm feeling about it. All these years of lack of effort towards you and now suddenly a switch up I'd want to say yeah that's feeling forced. You must understand that. Whether some kind of therapy would help you get through it I don't know but Delicious says yeah things would have changed. It's understandable that you're not doing well with this. Piedme says I think you should ask your dad if he plans on testing your siblings.

[00:16:12] Sexy Slick Babe Cheese says oh my god yeah he definitely should be asked this question. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. And our next story comes from advarkno3229 and says am I the arsehole for not sharing I was buying a house. Family is mad I didn't tell them I was buying a house. My husband and I bought our first home a few months ago.

[00:16:42] I told very few people only some people at work since I was missing for appointments and one friend. My grandparents knew that's because I was living with them at the time as my husband just got out the military and we were saving before purchasing. Also for context my grandparents raised me so they are like my parents. I thought I had a pretty good relationship with my mum but overall it was a good relationship. I was waiting to share the news until after funding went through and I moved everything in and all was settled.

[00:17:12] My belongings were in storage over a year and I was worried stuff would be ruined. Anyways long story short my mum called my grandma about something and my grandma for whatever reason told my mum I bought the house. I was upset with my grandma but nonetheless forgave her. My mum on the other hand blew up about it said I'm your mother and I have a right to know these things. I told her and my sister and stepfather who were all against me that it isn't their business. I explained I was waiting until everything was perfect

[00:17:42] so they could then come see it. My mum was also mad because my grandma told her I didn't want her to bring all of her dogs. For context my mum has like eight maybe even more dogs inside and my dog doesn't get along with hers. The argument just kept getting worse and worse to the point now that we all have each other blocked. My mum was also mad my mother-in-law came to the house. My mother-in-law lives 20 minutes away. My mum lives in the state over a few hours away. I also asked

[00:18:12] my brother-in-law to come help hang a TV so mother-in-law tagged along. It wasn't like I hosted dinner. She even mentioned how I'm selfish but I have said whenever I have kids I don't want anyone to come to the hospital. To clarify I'm not pregnant and not even trying to get pregnant but her and my grandma don't get along well and equally hate each other and I get put in the middle of that hate hence why when I do have kids in years I don't want anyone but my husband there. It is important to share when this

[00:18:42] all went down. I was physically living in my house roughly only one week. I thought this whole thing was stupid from the start. Am I in the wrong though? I understand she wants to be part of big milestones but she and the rest of them were acting entitled to know. When I said that I was told you have no idea what entitlement means. You have so much to learn. How would you try to move past this? Would you even try? For me as I get older I use the fuck it attitude

[00:19:11] more and more basically. Relationships are built on love respect trust in equal parts. Question marks were already over my head when it said my grandparents raised me and then when it said I'm your mother and have a right to know these things my eyes were rolling round and round in my head and so the question comes up what's mum bring into your life? Does she really respect you? Does she show love to you? Does she show any support to you? It doesn't sound like it to me so that's where fuck it comes into play.

[00:19:42] You don't need that shit in your life and nobody got time for that. But Boundaries for what says am I misreading here that your mum didn't even raise you? OP says lol you got it. Raised by my grandparents since I was four. But I do want to emphasize that my mum has been involved in my life to some extent. Rocky times throughout childhood we got into our little arguments here and there though. Earlier this year she was upset I

[00:20:11] wasn't going to her house for Mother's Day. I was taking my grandmother to the horse races. There was a problem for her but I yes manned her and basically said how I didn't mean to hurt her feelings and I could have communicated it better. I still let her know over a month in advance though I wasn't going to spend Mother's Day weekend with her. I never have. Republic Top says not the arsehole. No one needs to know anything about your life until you want them to know. Your mum sounds like mine. Major drama queen who makes everything about her.

[00:20:42] I had breast cancer. I didn't tell my mum for over a year. She cried and asked why. Because I was going through a lot and strict information diet. Pagan chick says not the arsehole. Your mother sounds awful. Why does your grandmother even engage with her? Let alone tell her all of your business. Maybe you can use this time that you have your mother blocked to talk to your grandma about not sharing info with

[00:21:11] mum. That way if you go back into contact I wouldn't recommend it. There are boundaries in place. But now what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. How would you deal with her? And just