I Grounded My Adult Sister After What She Did In My Home r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now, today's first story comes from Sister Grounded Throwaway from the Entitled People subreddit and the Am I the Arsehole subreddit as well saying, Am I the Arsehole for grounding my adult sister?

[00:00:30] I, 25 female, live in a three bedroom apartment with my fiance, 27 male. We have a six month old son. My younger sister, Mia, fake name, 20 female, recently started attending a university that's closer to where I live than both my parents' places. Because she needs to get to class early in the morning, my fiance and I allowed her to move into our spare bedroom. She's been living with us since January. There's a set of rules I've been having Mia follow since she moved in. Mostly to make sure I'm going to be able to do it.

[00:00:59] Everyone can live peacefully. One of the most important rules concerns arriving after my son's bedtime, usually between seven and eight. Mia is allowed to come home however late she wants, as long as she doesn't make too much noise. The door to the apartment has an electronic keypad lock, and the one we use also has a normal lock under it. Everyone has a copy of the key, but we all prefer typing in the password.

[00:01:22] However, the keypad is very noisy, and my son's nursery isn't far from the door. Every time the keypad is used after I put the baby to sleep, he wakes up. So naturally, the rule about getting home late includes not using the keypad. Everyone, including Mia, has known about this since day one. At first, we had no problems, but now that Mia has gotten used to college life, she's been going out at night frequently. This past month, she's arrived home after midnight every Friday and Saturday night.

[00:01:51] She always forgets the don't make too much noise rule, and she has, on multiple occasions, used a keypad. My son wakes up crying every damn time. I'd sit her down, a reminder of the rule whenever this happened, but she'd continue to do it. My fiance and I got tired of putting our baby back to sleep because of that, so I changed the password and told Mia she was no longer allowed to use the keypad. She agreed and promised to try to make less noise.

[00:02:17] On Friday night this week, Mia went out with her friends. She came home very drunk at 4am and forgot that I'd changed the password. Not only did she use the keypad, she also got the password wrong so many times that she triggered an alarm. I was furious. Not only did my baby wake up crying, but I also got complaints from my neighbors. The next morning, I told Mia that I'm establishing a curfew while living with me. She needs to be home by 8. She won't be allowed to go out at night for the rest of the semester.

[00:02:46] Mia put up a fight saying I have no right to ground her. Edit, I never used that word. Like this or dictate what she does with her free time. But I held my ground. I told her she'd be free to do as she pleases when she has her own place and raises her own family. While living with mine, she has to do as I say. She told our parents about this. Our mother and stepfather are both on my side. Our father is on Mia's. He says I'm not her mother and have no right to treat her like a child.

[00:03:15] He also thinks it's unfair to do this to her over a drunken mistake. Am I the arsehole? Edit in the same post saying no, I can't mute the keypad. Look, you said yourself on this that you never used that word. You didn't ground her. You just gave her some rules for living in your place which she's broke time and time again. Which, you know, you're fed up with by now. So she's got a choice herself. She's had plenty of chances. So now she can move out or she can respect your rules. It's as simple as that to me.

[00:03:44] But the top comment says to OP, not the arsehole. I admit it does sound like a bit of a power trip to ground your sister. But it is well within your rights to enforce rules when you're allowing your sister to live there apparently for free. If she wants full freedom to do whatever she wants, she can always rent her own place. If she's in college, she's definitely old enough to have some responsibility. OP says she is living here for free but only for now. The deal is for her to start paying a small portion of rent once she gets a job. Another comment says not the arsehole.

[00:04:14] And you've given her way more chances than I would have. I would tell her that if she wakes the baby up one more time, she's out. I can't imagine how annoyed your husband must be that you keep letting your adult sister act like an entitled 16 year old. OP replies again saying my fiance is actually the reason I've been giving her this many chances. A big reason why I'm establishing the curfew now is because the situation has gotten bad enough that even he's sick of it.

[00:04:39] So OP comes in with their update and then says before I start this update, I want to recommend reading my comments on my previous post. There were many questions that I was able to answer there. It's very hard to explain my relationship with my younger sister in proper detail. But I will say that while I love her dearly, Mia has always been a very inconsiderate person. I have countless examples. She almost didn't attend our cousin's wedding last year because she didn't want to walk to the venue. Which was two blocks away from our mum's place.

[00:05:09] We shared a bathroom when we were younger and she'd insist on having the top drawers because she didn't want to crouch down. But she was still cool with me doing so. She slept through my college graduation and didn't apologize for it. I'm bringing this up now because whenever I asked Mia why she kept forgetting to use her key, her excuse was that looking through a bag took too long and the keypad was quicker. In her head, bothering other people is better than slightly inconveniencing herself.

[00:05:36] After establishing the curfew, Mia tried different ways to make me change my mind. She'd talk about not being able to cancel her tickets for party X or about the fun had at party Y. She'd show me her developing LinkedIn profile and tell me she learned a lesson and would be more responsible. At first, I really didn't want to have to kick her out, which many of you suggested, but I have limits. A few days ago, I heard her complaining to her friends on her phone about her bitch of a sister, who wouldn't let her do anything.

[00:06:07] Later that day, I asked her which of our parents she planned on moving in with, two more fighting. I managed to tell her that I had no obligation to continue housing her, for free, if she couldn't respect my family. Mia could either move back in with our parents or continue living with me for the low price of respecting my infant son and stop complaining about it. We did have a very productive conversation afterwards. I managed to get a lot off my chest, as did my sister. Mia apologized for everything.

[00:06:34] She admitted she'd been selfish, promised she'd make efforts to change and mature. I'm a strong believer that people can change, which is why I'm not kicking her out right now. But I made it very clear that Mia is on thin ice, and the next time she does anything like this will be the last time she ever sees the inside of my home. The curfew will continue until the end of the semester, as originally planned. My father also agreed to pay for Mia to go back to therapy. I helped her a lot when she was younger, so I'm hopeful about the future of this living situation.

[00:07:04] I also want to thank those who suggested a white noise machine. My son is not a light sleeper. The keypad is just very loud and startles him awake. But my fiancé and I are still looking into getting one. Anything that helps our baby sleep better is welcome. Thank you Reddit. We do have another update in the moment, but the way I'm feeling is like, when she called you a bitch, that would have been it for me, I think. You're a better person than I am to put up with that, I gotta say. And I think you are right, that people can change.

[00:07:32] And I think the way you want to deal with it is the way that you want to deal with it. You know how your sister is. You know the small things to do with her as well. Hearing one of your siblings call you something like that would tip me over the edge, I think. And say, well no, you can go back to the parents then, for me anyway. So Opie comes in with her next update and says, okay, you guys called it. A little under a month ago, my fiancé and I kicked Mia out of my apartment. This actually had very little to do with the keypad thing.

[00:07:59] After my last post, things were relatively peaceful for a while. And then June came, and Mia decided to go back to her old ways. At first, it was just run-of-the-mill entitlement. She started taking my stuff without permission, whining whenever my baby cried, and complaining about having to do everything. Literally just her own laundry. All of that was more annoying than unbearable. So I just take my stuff back and let her clothes stink. Then early in September, Mia went on a holiday beach trip with her friends.

[00:08:27] The day after she left, I noticed my diaper bag and one of my son's blankets were missing. Both were expensive gifts my best friends gave me for my baby shower. I checked every room in the apartment, and found all of the items that had been in the diaper bag dumped on Mia's bed. She had emptied the bag to use it as extra luggage. The blanket was in a separate pocket, so she took it by mistake. Later, when I got them back, they were both dirty and sandy. I called Mia as soon as I found the items.

[00:08:56] Her reasoning for taking the diaper bag was that she didn't want to empty her school bag, and her computer wouldn't fit anywhere else. She also called me dramatic when I told her to apologize. That's when I kicked her out. I told her that once she got back, she'd have one week to grab her things and move back to either of our parents' places. My sister spent the rest of her trip trying to convince me otherwise. She also tried to get my parents on her side. My mom told her she'd bought it on herself.

[00:09:23] My father did try to convince me to be nice, but I told him I already had been. Mia tried to pick a fight about it when she got back from her trip, but I didn't budge. She moved out officially a couple of weeks ago. My mom is making her save money so she can pay me back for the almost eight months of rent she owes me. To be honest, I'm writing this mostly to vent. Being an older sister is exhausting. The house is always on fire, but you can never be the one freaking out. You're like a second mother, but not an actual parent,

[00:09:53] so your younger sibling feels no need to respect you. At least that's what my experience was growing up. My mom is fantastic, but she still acknowledges that I was basically Mia's third parent. My father was a good dad, but a mediocre parent. And he refuses to understand that. He also doesn't accept that after the divorce, I was more responsible for Mia than he was. I love my sister dearly, but she's always treated me as an afterthought. For a few years, she'd contact me almost exclusively when she needed a ride.

[00:10:23] I'd spend a shit ton of money on presents. She'd give me a $2 gift two months after my actual birthday. This happened three separate times, including this year. The list goes on. It always felt like I was the last thing on her mind. I'm not saying I was perfect, but I was always there for her. I will always love my sister, and I do believe she loves me too. But I also understand she's too selfish to realize she treats me poorly. I have to focus on my son, and I can't put up with Mia's immaturity right now.

[00:10:52] Do I regret letting her move in with me? No. Do I regret not kicking her out back in May? Also, no. To be honest, I think I needed that. Knowing I tried has always helped me sleep at night. Plus, living with Mia wasn't all bad. Accompanying the Drake and Kendrick Lamar feud with her was pretty fun. At first, at least. My sister and I are on speaking terms. She was pissed at first, but got over it once she realized that literally no one was taking her side.

[00:11:19] She's back to transitioning between our parents' places every week. I don't miss that lifestyle. Mia hates it, as it takes her longer to get to classes every morning. She apologized, but I'm not letting her move back in with me. My son turning one in a couple of weeks. Mia is invited to his birthday party, but I'm not expecting her to show up. My fiance and I are getting married in a little under a year, and she's invited to that too. I hope my sister can learn to be more considerate, and that we can improve our relationship someday.

[00:11:49] But I'm done being the only one putting in the effort. This will be my final post. Thank you, Reddit. Put in Tame Name says, you did the right thing. Your sister should get over it. If not, she's probably a royal pain herself. Hung says, glad you kicked her out, and I'm really glad your parents are on your side. It's so refreshing to read a story where the parents don't coddle the entitled child. Raven Wave says, well, mum is, but dad sounds like he's still enabling the sister.

[00:12:18] Mia Boo Boo says, honestly, you sound like a saint for putting up with Mia as long as you did. I could never. Using your baby's diaper bag as luggage. That's a whole new level of audacity. Glad you stood your ground. Hopefully, one day she realizes life isn't a beach trip with a free ride and endless laundry service. Yeah, I know P was absolutely right to, you know, have the sister move out. I'm glad that they're still on speaking terms, and, you know, I hope one day that she does grow up,

[00:12:45] because the alternative is she continues as she is and continues to take the piss with people. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit. It's from Plastic Voice 6229 and says, Am I the Arsehole for agreeing with my mum. And it's kind of pathetic. My wife can't cook.

[00:13:12] I, 28 male, have been married to my wife, 31 female, for about a year. Overall, things are great. But one thing that's been bugging me is that my wife doesn't know how to cook. At all. I've always been the one to handle meals. Which I was fine with in the beginning because I enjoy cooking. But over time, it's started to wear on me. Especially when I come home from a long day at work and still have to cook dinner while she relaxes. She refuses to cook and claims there is nothing wrong with not being able to cook.

[00:13:42] It's been an ongoing issue between us. I've been trying to teach her, but she's really bad at it. Many conversations about this. The other night, my mum, 56 female, came over for dinner. As usual, I was in the kitchen preparing everything and my wife was sitting with my mum. At one point, my mum offered to help and I asked if she could make the gravy or cut some fruit. My wife was standing around in the kitchen when my mum handed her a knife and asked her to cut some fruit while she handled the gravy.

[00:14:12] My wife couldn't even figure out how to hold it properly and ended up making a mess. My mum watched her fail to cut the fruit and then blurted out, It's honestly kind of pathetic that you don't even know how to cut a piece of fruit at your age. She then went behind her and started to guide her on how to cut stuff like you do with a kid. My wife kind of shrugged and finished cutting her fruit with my mum guiding her. Dinner happens and I noticed my wife was not happy the whole night.

[00:14:39] My mum left and she was pissed I didn't defend her. And I embarrassed her by letting it happen. We got into a huge bad argument and I told her that it is pathetic. She cannot even cut fruit. She is literally older than me and can't hold a knife properly. She told me that is not the point and I needed to defend her. And it's not her fault she is bad at cooking. I pointed out it is. She is embarrassed because not being able to hold a knife properly is embarrassing for an adult. My wife thinks I'm a huge jerk.

[00:15:09] And Opie edits the post a bit later. But TD says, Not the arsehole. Does she do the dishes or help clean up? I don't think it really matters which partner does the cooking necessarily. As long as the other is helping. And the standard deal that almost everyone seems to follow is that if one person cooks, the other person cleans up. In my house, my wife usually cooks and I usually clean. Which is fine because she enjoys cooking and is good. I'm okay. I can cook but she is definitely better. My mom and stepfather though are essentially the opposite.

[00:15:39] She got home from work late usually isn't a great cook anyways. So he cooks and she does the dishes. And yes, it is kind of pathetic that she can't even use a knife. Even if you aren't a good cook, you should be able to at least figure out how to hold a knife. That's just silly. Opie says, No, not really. I usually clean as I cook so not much to do. And I didn't really count putting your dish in the dishwasher to be much. Edit. You seem to be the top comment. Can you add a judgment to your info?

[00:16:08] Which they then said not the arsehole. Crimson Knight says everyone sucks here. Your mom shouldn't have called her pathetic. And I can see why your wife would be hurt that you didn't say anything to defend her. You shouldn't have called her pathetic either. That isn't constructive and will only make her feel hurt and defensive. It isn't fair for her to expect you to do all the cooking. And needs to make reasonable effort to learn. Especially something as basic as holding a knife. Does she not have a parent who could teach her?

[00:16:35] It might not necessarily be her fault that she never learned when she was young. But she does need to be open to learning more now that it does all fall on you. As an adult, she's the only one responsible now for her gaps in knowledge. And has ample resources to fill them. At this point, it's weaponized incompetence on her part since she refuses to even try. Insulting someone is the best way to kill their want to learn. If you and your mom make this a negative experience for her, she will not want to learn.

[00:17:03] You need to sit down and have an adult conversation with her. That cooking everything has been too much on you. And you'd like to bond with her through helping her learn to cook. Maybe you could even get one of those subscription boxes like HelloFresh once a week. An easy meal with all the ingredients and recipe to follow. And you too can make a couple of nights out on it. And that leads us on to our sponsor. I'm just joking, I'm just joking. Hellcat says not the arsehole. These comments are wild.

[00:17:30] Every adult should know basic cooking skills in order to feed themselves. Such as using a knife safely to cut fruit. She had this coming to her one way or another, honestly. Wombat says not the arsehole. Your wife should at least know how to cut fruit and some basic dishes. She seems lazy by not even trying or asking how to go about things if she really doesn't know. I understand your frustration and your mom's as well. But maybe you should try to have an honest conversation about it again. There's clearly an imbalance. That shouldn't be the case.

[00:18:00] Opie says she literally fucked up mac and cheese. Like the box stuff. I can't tell if she's doing it on purpose or something. I can't live like this. I can't take on all the food for the rest of my life. Holidays will suck. We're supposed to host Thanksgiving. Stop spinning like that says pathetic is a pretty vicious thing to call someone. Not every opinion needs to be voiced aloud. I suspect you liked your mom slamming your wife's lack of cooking skills because it felt like a win for you. But it felt like a loss for your wife.

[00:18:30] And it felt like another loss when you just sat there and let her eat that attack. I suspect the effect of it all is that your wife will be much more resistant to helping with the cooking. So this will turn out to be a lose-lose situation. Arg says everyone sucks here. Your mom's comments are rude and shitty. Your wife's lack of interest in learning the bare minimum is shitty. Letting your mom insult your wife to her face is shitty. I don't care how true it is. I would never let my parents say something like that to my partner.

[00:18:59] ETA I don't let my mummy fight my battles. And one more comment from Low Act who says everyone sucks here. Your mother. The comment was unnecessary. Yeah dear let me show you how to do it so you don't get messy. Isn't hard to say. Thinking it's pathetic a 30 year old can't even cut fruit is reasonable but no need to be rude in her home. Your wife. While not many people can be innovative cooks. Everyone can learn to cook. Recipes abound with instructions online. Recipes abound with instructions online.

[00:19:29] Your wife just has no desire to upset the status quo. You. You should have defended your wife. Even if true. What your mom said was rude and uncalled for. Even if you agree with it. Disrespect of your wife should not stand in your own home. Also I assume you two were together at least a couple of years before marriage. It takes a lot of effort to be so unobservant. You didn't know your future spouse didn't or couldn't cook. So after all this. Obi came in with her edit and says I cannot keep up.

[00:19:58] Over 2,000 comments and I have things to do. If you're asking for info it may already be answered in previous comments. So the update is I definitely think it's weaponized incompetence. I suggest marriage counseling and cooking classes. If things don't change I will be out. I will make this very clear. Also for those asking it was strawberries. She was smushing them and cutting them up with the stem still on. And the comments were back and forth on this.

[00:20:25] Between not the arsehole and everyone sucks here. And if I'm being totally honest. I was kind of like on the everyone sucks here side. Just looking at it from like the initial outcome. What you was expecting from this conversation. Calling her pathetic. What are you. How would you expect that outcome to go. You can have a conversation. You can say that you're getting overwhelmed with doing all the cooking. And it may very well be weaponized incompetence. But calling someone pathetic. Like the everyone sucks here comments were saying. Is eventually going to get you nowhere.

[00:20:55] It's just going to have a negative outcome. And it just seems like it's going that way. Like if you want to make things work. If you love someone. Why wouldn't you talk about it. And say that I'm getting overwhelmed with the cooking. I need you to take some of the responsibility for it. I need you to learn to cook. I can help you with that. And then see where it goes from there. If it does come out that is weaponizing competence. Then you can deal with it from that point of view. But coming out with pathetic immediately. You know it's just. It's just. It's always a negative outcome from there on isn't it.

[00:21:23] But what do you guys make of this situation. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart. For getting involved in today's stories. Your love. Your support. Your time. Always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.