I Got A Midwife FIRED And My Friends Say I Overreacted r/Relationships

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[00:00:38] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories.

[00:00:44] And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too.

[00:00:51] Let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:54] Much love guys!

[00:00:55] Now, today's first story comes from the Am I the Arsehole Here subreddit, from AmbitiousFrosting813.

[00:01:02] And says,

[00:01:03] Am I the arsehole here for unintentionally getting a midwife fired?

[00:01:07] Throw away for anonymity.

[00:01:09] This also happened a few months ago, but I've recently been told I took things too far.

[00:01:15] I'm active duty military.

[00:01:17] My wife and I began trying for a baby about two years after we got married.

[00:01:21] And after a few months, she got pregnant with our first child.

[00:01:25] About six weeks after she found out, I was deployed for a six month stint.

[00:01:30] Sadly, that meant I would miss all of our appointments, except the first one to confirm she was pregnant.

[00:01:35] Early in her pregnancy, she decided using a midwife would give her a better birth experience.

[00:01:41] And I was totally on board because she's the one giving birth and I wanted her to feel 100% confident in the people assisting.

[00:01:49] It had also been decided that the people in the room, aside from medical staff, would be me for obvious reasons and one of our mothers.

[00:01:57] My mum lives about an hour by car from the base I'm stationed at, while her mum lives a four hour plane ride away.

[00:02:05] Ideally, her mum would be able to get there in time, but she loves my mum too and was okay with her being there if labour went fast and her mum couldn't make it in time.

[00:02:14] Fast forward to me getting back from the deployment and her being really close to giving birth, like due in a week close.

[00:02:20] She was supposed to have an hour appointment that I would be able to go to, but ended up going into labour very early on the morning of the appointment.

[00:02:29] We go to the civilian hospital and they confirm she's in active labour.

[00:02:33] I called her mum, who immediately booked a flight that would have gotten her here at about noon.

[00:02:39] Then my mum, who came to the hospital a few hours later.

[00:02:42] A while later the midwife comes in to see my wife and was rude from the start.

[00:02:47] My wife told her I was back from deployment and she calmed down a little but was still clearly not happy I was in the room.

[00:02:55] Especially once I started cracking jokes to try and distract my wife from the pain of the contractions.

[00:03:00] Then the midwife glared at me and told me to take this seriously and have respect for my wife while she's in pain.

[00:03:07] I thought her hostility was weird, but was more focused on my wife and doing all I could to support her.

[00:03:14] As it got closer to noon, my wife was almost 9cm dilated and so I decided not to go pick her mum from the airport and had her take a cab instead.

[00:03:24] So I wouldn't have to leave for over an hour to drive to the airport.

[00:03:27] When her mum did get to the hospital, I left the L and D floor briefly to go downstairs and pay the cab driver so her mum wouldn't need to.

[00:03:35] As the cab was pulling up, I got a call from my mum telling me the ob and midwife were there and the baby was coming fast.

[00:03:42] Of course, I rushed back up there after tossing some cash to the cab driver so her mum and I could be there for the birth.

[00:03:49] When I got back to the L and D floor, my mum was in the waiting room since she had to step out to make the phone call and also knew she'd be waiting outside.

[00:03:58] I used the intercom to ask her to be let back in and to my surprise, I was denied entry.

[00:04:04] They said they had an order to not let me or anyone in to see my wife.

[00:04:08] I was really confusing so I asked why.

[00:04:11] And was just told I wouldn't be let in and not to tie them up on the intercom or security would be called.

[00:04:17] So the three of us waited outside.

[00:04:19] Since my wife didn't answer her phone as she was actively pushing our baby out.

[00:04:24] Well, over two hours later, she was able to call me back and asked where I had been.

[00:04:29] I told her the hospital staff wouldn't let me in but I had been in the waiting room trying to get answers for almost two and a half hours.

[00:04:36] Long story short, it was the midwife who told the desk staff that I wasn't to be let back in.

[00:04:42] She lied and said my wife had reported I was abusive and she didn't want me there.

[00:04:47] So not only did my poor wife have to give birth alone and without me or her mum there for support.

[00:04:53] I missed the birth of my daughter.

[00:04:55] It meant a lot to me to be there to see my baby come into the world.

[00:04:59] Because I missed so much of the pregnancy.

[00:05:01] And that was ripped away from me because this awful woman didn't like that I never showed up to a single appointment the entire pregnancy.

[00:05:08] Despite being told by my wife that I was deployed.

[00:05:11] So, with my wife's support, I filed a formal complaint about the midwife.

[00:05:15] And she ended up getting fired by the OB's office.

[00:05:19] My wife is naturally on my side but some of our friends have said I was wrong to make such a big deal out of it and taken away the woman's livelihood.

[00:05:26] Was I the asshole for reporting her? Which caused her to lose her job.

[00:05:31] I'd like the perspective of people outside the situation.

[00:05:34] Edit, I took some advice and contacted JAG military lawyers to meet with the attorney about taking further steps.

[00:05:43] Have a meeting scheduled for Monday afternoon to discuss what can and should be done to ensure this doesn't happen to anyone else in the future.

[00:05:50] Thanks to everyone who offered support.

[00:05:52] And screw those who DM me to tell me I'm garbage for being in the military and deserve to die because they think I hit my wife.

[00:05:59] You all have a place saved in hell.

[00:06:02] Edit 2

[00:06:03] Since some people are so caught up on me paying for my mother-in-law's cap and the jokes I was making with my wife.

[00:06:09] I'll clear it up.

[00:06:10] I made jokes because she asked me to distract her from the pain by making her laugh.

[00:06:15] We were both making jokes, not just me.

[00:06:17] I also paid for my mother-in-law's cap because my wife told me to make sure I went down and paid.

[00:06:23] And also because it was the right thing to do since she didn't choose to take the cab.

[00:06:27] That was my choice since it was last minute.

[00:06:31] Absolutely not the asshole for reporting that whenever you see medical malpractice.

[00:06:36] It is important to report it because you may not be the first person this has happened to.

[00:06:41] And it might not be just you know not letting people in the delivery room.

[00:06:45] There could be all sorts of other stuff going on in the background.

[00:06:48] I'm not saying that it is, but you never know and that needs to be investigated.

[00:06:52] And not only did you miss the opportunity to see your child being brought into the world.

[00:06:58] Your wife also lost her support that she was looking for in those moments.

[00:07:03] Yes, obviously the medical professionals are key there, but a wife also wanted her husband, mother or mother-in-law there with her, which was taken away.

[00:07:13] And wife was clearly worried about it because soon as you came back into the room she was like, where were you?

[00:07:18] So she was clearly worried about where you had disappeared to during that two and a half hours that you just her just disappeared.

[00:07:25] And she told a dangerous lie at the same time saying that your wife reported that you was abusive and she didn't want you there.

[00:07:35] That's incredibly messed up.

[00:07:37] But a commenter says, fuck that. Anyone who says you're the arsehole here is not your friend or family and they can kick rocks.

[00:07:44] And pound sand? I hadn't said that one in a while.

[00:07:47] That midwife was out of line. How dare she?

[00:07:50] I wish there was some way to give you back those moments. It's so unfair and unnecessary.

[00:07:55] I don't understand why people need to be so mean.

[00:07:59] Opie said aside from being mad about my wife having to go through it all alone.

[00:08:03] I'm mad that I wasn't the first one to hold my daughter.

[00:08:06] Our plan was for me to hold her first, then my wife, then whichever grandma won the coin toss.

[00:08:11] And yeah, the grandmas both decided to leave it up to either a coin toss or paper, rock, scissors. Lol.

[00:08:19] The wife and the baby now. Opie says they're both doing great.

[00:08:22] My wife had a rough recovery for the first month or so, but the baby was and is perfect.

[00:08:27] She's nine weeks now and I'm in love. I can't wait to get home every day and see the both of them.

[00:08:33] Another commenter says that shit could have gotten you court-martialed, no?

[00:08:37] What the midwife did was malicious and dangerous to you and your family.

[00:08:41] She deserves to be fired and worse.

[00:08:44] Opie says if it had been a military hospital, I would have been investigated for sure.

[00:08:49] Nothing would have been found, but it would have had career implications for sure.

[00:08:53] A commenter says it sounds like the jokes set her off.

[00:08:56] Then she started power-tripping.

[00:08:58] Midwives can act that way.

[00:09:00] I would file a complaint with a board of nursing and whatever licensing board midwives go through.

[00:09:04] Have some fun with it. Maybe even get an attorney.

[00:09:07] One thing we already know is that the medical group won't stand behind her.

[00:09:11] I doubt the hospital will either.

[00:09:13] Go get her.

[00:09:14] Opie says my wife was laughing at the joke, so she would have known we were just having fun.

[00:09:18] We never found out the gender beforehand, so we had a running joke where we both suggested outlandish names for either gender.

[00:09:26] I had a long list I would pull from when she had a particularly painful contraction.

[00:09:30] My wife labored without pain meds and I think she's amazing for doing that.

[00:09:34] I would have wanted all the drugs if I were having a baby.

[00:09:38] The commenter says it sounds like the civilian hospital is in a military community also.

[00:09:43] So she should be somewhat acquainted with deployments and what not.

[00:09:47] No, not the arsehole.

[00:09:49] You sound like a good husband who wanted to support his wife.

[00:09:52] To being denied entry because she had some hard on is disgusting and she deserved to be fired.

[00:09:57] I hope you received an apology from the OB.

[00:09:59] Opie said the OB was so apologetic.

[00:10:02] She assumed I had to leave the room for some reason and just didn't make it back in time.

[00:10:06] From the time my wife was determined to be ready to push to when our daughter was born was only about 15 minutes.

[00:10:13] My wife is an absolute rock star and pushed for all she was worth.

[00:10:17] So the baby came quickly.

[00:10:19] It wasn't until after that that the OB learned I was locked out of the unit along with both mums.

[00:10:24] I didn't blame the OB at all.

[00:10:26] The commenter says that midwife is awful and deserved to be fired.

[00:10:30] I didn't feel bad for a freaking second.

[00:10:32] She assumed you were abusive and ruined a very delicate, vulnerable and special moment for all of you.

[00:10:39] What was her excuse to not let in our mum?

[00:10:42] Was her mum suddenly abusive too?

[00:10:44] Opie said according to the OB she implied that she thinks all military members abuse their spouses.

[00:10:49] So she spoke up when my wife wouldn't for herself.

[00:10:53] But she had no answer for not letting my mother-in-law in.

[00:10:56] I wouldn't have been as upset if at least one of the mums was there.

[00:10:59] But she made sure no one was and that hurts me because my wife deserved to be supported.

[00:11:06] And the last commenter said to OP.

[00:11:07] Did your wife say anything after it was all over to her?

[00:11:10] Or anyone for that matter from the birth team or hospital before you filed?

[00:11:15] OP said she said she fell asleep shortly after the birth because she was exhausted.

[00:11:20] And I totally understand that.

[00:11:22] Then she woke up about 45 minutes later and asked the nurses if they knew where I was.

[00:11:27] Which is when one of them told her the midwife said no one was to be let in.

[00:11:31] Per my wife's request.

[00:11:32] She panicked for a minute and asked for her phone on the table.

[00:11:35] And that's when she saw all my missed calls.

[00:11:38] Most of the nurses were apologetic and said they had worked with the midwife for a long time.

[00:11:43] And didn't have a reason not to believe her.

[00:11:47] So OP comes back in to update the post and says we met with the attorney, the military one, on Monday.

[00:11:53] And it seems like I have a good case for going after her license.

[00:11:56] As well as possible defamation lawsuit.

[00:11:59] She's a certified nurse midwife.

[00:12:01] So she has a license that can be revoked or suspended.

[00:12:04] I'm not convinced it needs to be revoked altogether.

[00:12:06] But I do think she should be suspended for a while and forced to get more training in her field.

[00:12:12] The attorney assigned to me is a parent herself.

[00:12:15] And seemed genuinely appalled that someone would have to miss the birth of their child.

[00:12:18] Because a member of the medical staff used their influence to deny entry back into the maternity wing.

[00:12:24] Especially when it's for a made up reason that could have got me in a lot of trouble with the Navy.

[00:12:29] My wife was able to come with me to the meeting and had a brief conversation alone with the attorney.

[00:12:34] On the drive home she told me what they spoke about.

[00:12:37] And basically the attorney just needed to confirm that everything the midwife said about me being abusive was false and unfounded.

[00:12:45] But my wife told her I have never and would never lay a hand on her or my child.

[00:12:49] She asked if my wife felt any sort of emotional distress about me not being there for the birth.

[00:12:54] She confirmed that she does.

[00:12:56] And that's when it was decided that we would try to build a case for more than just possible medical malpractice.

[00:13:03] We don't care about any monetary gain.

[00:13:05] If we were awarded anything it would go into an educational account for our daughter or be donated to a charity.

[00:13:11] We are in agreement that the midwife should have to answer for what she did though.

[00:13:15] She took away a once in a lifetime experience for me.

[00:13:19] Even if we have more children.

[00:13:21] I'll never get back the lost experience of not seeing my first born coming to the world.

[00:13:26] So that's where things stand right now.

[00:13:29] Any further updates will most likely be a long way off since there's going to be a pending litigation soon.

[00:13:34] Thank you to almost everyone who commented and offered encouragement.

[00:13:38] It gave me the push I needed to seek out a legal remedy for the situation.

[00:13:43] My wife and I are truly thankful.

[00:13:45] And a lot of the comments below that were saying you know if the midwife had the balls to do this.

[00:13:51] What else she lied about made decisions for in the past and current patients.

[00:13:58] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:14:01] Anyways what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:14:04] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:14:07] And let's move on to another story.

[00:14:10] From visibleyesterday62 from the am I the arsehole subreddit.

[00:14:14] It says,

[00:14:15] Am I the arsehole for not offering to care for my unwell ex-husband?

[00:14:19] I, 56 female, have been married to my wife Angela, 56 female, for a year.

[00:14:25] And we're planning our first anniversary celebration with a trip overseas.

[00:14:29] I was very excited to spend this time with my wife but unfortunately my ex-husband Dan, 58 male,

[00:14:36] recent hospitalization is putting a damper on my plans.

[00:14:41] Backstory.

[00:14:41] I met Dan in college and we got married shortly after graduating when we found out that I was pregnant.

[00:14:47] At the time it felt like the right thing to do but looking back it was a bad idea.

[00:14:52] I resented having to put my career aspirations on hold in order to be a full-time caregiver.

[00:14:57] And Dan resented having to be the main financial provider.

[00:15:01] However, this did not stop him from constantly bringing it up whenever I asked him to help with the kids or the home.

[00:15:06] He also never defended me when his mother would stop by unannounced and the household wasn't up to the queen standard.

[00:15:15] I felt so exhausted and trapped and if it weren't for my kids, Junior, 34, Sarah, 32 female, Michelle, 29 female, and Mike, 29 male, I would have left years ago.

[00:15:29] Unfortunately, Dan did not have the same values as me and blindsided me with divorce papers.

[00:15:34] It was a rough process but after the first year of our divorce being finalized, I got my groove back and within the next four years, I was able to get a nice apartment and a good career.

[00:15:45] The present day.

[00:15:46] A couple of weeks ago, Dan was rushed to the hospital and while the doctors were able to save him, his health took a turn for the worse.

[00:15:54] His wife is now essentially working to provide for their kids while her parents watch them to save on daycare.

[00:16:00] I learned all of this through my children as I do not care to have any direct contact with Dan.

[00:16:05] But almost every time I talk to them, they always bring up how stressed and tired they are over having to look after their father.

[00:16:12] I thought I was just being a sympathetic ear but a couple of days ago, my children came together to confront me about my lack of willingness to offer assistance to their father.

[00:16:21] And as their mother, I should want to care for him to make their own lives easier.

[00:16:26] My children know that while I have a full-time job, I can make up my hours and they want me to come into his house at least twice a week to make sure he's clean and fed or pay for a nurse to come do it.

[00:16:37] I refuse stating that Dan and I have been divorced for years and that their step-mom can handle that.

[00:16:42] That's when they told me that she didn't care about their dad like they do and is almost likely hoping for him to pass so she can collect on his insurance policy as the legal wife.

[00:16:52] My daughter Sarah then began to cry and asked me if I cared whether or not she had a dad anymore while Junior and Mike thought that I was being bitter.

[00:17:01] Michelle asked me to put them first and that I can reschedule my anniversary trip with Angela.

[00:17:06] My former in-laws are also calling me to say that I need to do this and that I'm a horrible mom.

[00:17:12] Am I the asshole?

[00:17:15] Now this one came across to me as quite a simple one so I'm going to be interested in your thoughts on this but it was a simple not the asshole.

[00:17:23] You know, you divorce this guy. He's nothing to do with you anymore.

[00:17:27] He chose to divorce you. Why would you be paying for his care or getting involved in his life going to his house when he's got a wife as well?

[00:17:36] How many adults in this situation are caring for him and caring for someone depending on the severity of course, you know is really taxing.

[00:17:45] But you've got like four adult kids. You've got the wife. You've got the in-laws.

[00:17:50] I mean there seems like tons of people here and they all just seem to be guilting OP to care for him.

[00:17:55] But the first commenter says to OP,

[00:17:58] Not the asshole. It's genuinely sad how little your children and former in-laws care about your happiness.

[00:18:03] It must have been very difficult for you to hear those selfish words from your own kids.

[00:18:07] It raises the question as to whether anyone ever took your part during the marriage or its dissolution.

[00:18:13] Dan is not your problem. His wife and their children are not your problem.

[00:18:18] Your kids are all fully functioning adults who need to put their big girl slash big boy panties and deal with the situation on their own.

[00:18:26] Go with Angela. Perhaps the time together will help you heal from the hurt caused by the insensitive and demanding people back home.

[00:18:32] At the very least, it will reinforce that you made the right choice by starting a new life with her.

[00:18:38] Alarm Jellyfish says,

[00:21:39] What I take from this is that your grown ass kids were not able to take care of their own father. Not the asshole.

[00:21:46] Jess says,

[00:21:47] Sounds more unwilling than unable.

[00:21:50] Ghost3day says,

[00:21:50] Not the asshole.

[00:21:52] Yes, it is hard when you have an ill parent in the hospital.

[00:21:55] I've had the experience myself.

[00:21:56] Your children are four siblings who can divide the work between them.

[00:22:00] You have no obligation.

[00:22:01] Your children's demands are sounding very entitled.

[00:22:05] Junior Ad says,

[00:22:07] Seriously.

[00:22:07] I want to see my mum every day in the hospital for three weeks because I'm a freaking only child.

[00:22:12] There are four of them plus a wife.

[00:22:15] Lopey says,

[00:22:15] All my children have families of their own and my ex lives about 40 minutes to an hour away from all of them.

[00:22:22] So I imagine it's not as simple.

[00:22:24] Solo Throwaway says,

[00:22:25] There are four of them which means they can take turns going.

[00:22:29] They are just not willing to come up with a workable solution

[00:22:31] when it's so much more convenient for them to guilt, manipulate and shame you into taking on responsibilities that are no longer yours.

[00:22:38] The audacity of your children.

[00:22:40] Please don't make excuses for them.

[00:22:42] They are being very shitty to you right now.

[00:22:46] Edit.

[00:22:46] They don't care about you, your wellbeing, your new marriage, your happiness, etc.

[00:22:50] All they care about is their comfort and they are willing to sacrifice yours to ensure theirs.

[00:22:55] They are very selfish individuals.

[00:22:57] Maybe a break from them is necessary.

[00:22:59] They need to start seeing you as an individual with their own life, needs, etc.

[00:23:03] And not just an extension of their father or as a tool that can be taken out, used and then put away when it's no longer useful.

[00:23:10] Making OP look like the bad person in this situation is absolutely wild to me.

[00:23:16] It's making me think about what the history with these children was like growing up.

[00:23:22] Have they always been like this or is it just a moment where they're seeing their father really vulnerable, really not well.

[00:23:29] And now they're projecting in some kind of way.

[00:23:32] To me, it's just saying that there's a past history of this kind of behavior.

[00:23:35] Obviously, I don't fully know, but it just kind of feels like that to me.

[00:23:38] And the fact that no one could balance a schedule between this many adults is again crazy to me.

[00:23:44] Like caregiving is extremely difficult.

[00:23:46] I don't want to downplay that in any way.

[00:23:48] The conversations are difficult.

[00:23:50] Dealing with everything is extremely difficult.

[00:23:53] But just trying to relate in some way like coming when was caring for my father, we had meetings as a family about who's doing what.

[00:24:01] And we had a WhatsApp group about, you know, who's going to take him to the hospital on what day because I can't tell you how many appointments we went to.

[00:24:10] Checkup, chemo, lung drains, collecting and arranging various bits of equipment from the hospital as things progressed.

[00:24:17] But making a schedule for that made it just made it so much easier.

[00:24:21] I'm not saying it's easy, but it made it eat that situation easier.

[00:24:25] I just found it bizarre that nothing like that seemed to be happening in this story.

[00:24:29] Maybe it did.

[00:24:29] Like I said, we're getting a very small part of a story here, but it just felt like there was some background information about these kids and the way that they immediately turned on the OP, which was wild.

[00:24:40] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:24:43] What do you think is going on yourselves?

[00:24:45] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:24:48] And just a huge thank you for being here today.

[00:24:50] Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:24:56] So thank you so, so much.

[00:24:57] And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:25:00] Take care and much love.