I GHOSTED My Ex As She's Married But My Friends Are Angry At Me r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

[00:00:08] And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider in the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too.

[00:00:13] And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] Now today's first story comes from a throw away account from the amitheyasslehere subreddit and says amitheyasslehere for ghosting my ex because she's married now.

[00:00:28] My friend thinks I'm an arsehole for blocking my ex, who is married, because she keeps calling and messaging me.

[00:00:35] I wanted to ask if what I am doing is right or should I keep in touch with her.

[00:00:39] I dated Lisa for 4 years and we broke up 2 years ago.

[00:00:43] Lisa told me she didn't see a future with me and wanted to call things off.

[00:00:48] There were many reasons and I knew it was coming.

[00:00:50] Lisa came from a wealthy family and we met in college. Our relationship was great during the college years.

[00:00:57] However, after we graduated and got jobs, it became clear to her that I would never be able to provide the lifestyle she was used to.

[00:01:04] She hated the small apartment we rented because I wanted to pay off my student loan quickly.

[00:01:10] And she resented that I couldn't afford to take her on nice vacations.

[00:01:14] It sucked but I couldn't blame her.

[00:01:17] I loved Lisa deeply but I also knew she deserved the life she wanted.

[00:01:22] After we broke up, we still had lingering feelings and stayed friends for a few months.

[00:01:26] We had mutual friends and would meet regularly.

[00:01:29] I never hated Lisa.

[00:01:31] In fact, I cherished the moment over the 4 years we were together.

[00:01:35] But I was also acutely aware that we came from different worlds and that she shouldn't have to settle because of me.

[00:01:42] Still, it was hard to let go completely and sometimes I wondered if I'd truly get over her.

[00:01:47] We drifted apart after Lisa started dating a family friend.

[00:01:52] I met him a few times at parties.

[00:01:54] He knew Lisa and I had dated.

[00:01:56] And though he was polite, I started avoiding her and focused on work.

[00:02:01] Eventually, I moved to another city and lost touch with Lisa.

[00:02:04] I heard from mutual friends that she got married 6 months ago.

[00:02:08] I wasn't invited to the wedding but I was happy for her.

[00:02:12] I also dated someone briefly last year but right now, my career is my main focus.

[00:02:18] That's what I need to believe.

[00:02:19] 3 weeks ago, out of the blue, I got a call from an unknown number.

[00:02:23] It was Lisa.

[00:02:25] She started with small talk and we caught up on each other's lives.

[00:02:28] She told me about the new house she and her husband had just bought and how busy she had been.

[00:02:33] I told her about my work and my new life.

[00:02:36] It was nice, like catching up with an old friend.

[00:02:39] She gave me her new number and the call lasted about 20 minutes.

[00:02:43] Although I found it odd, I figured she might have thought about me and decided to reach out.

[00:02:48] The next day, she messaged me and sent a few photos of her new house.

[00:02:52] I complimented her on them.

[00:02:54] Two days later, she called me again, saying she was driving and thought about chatting.

[00:02:59] We talked about my new city, my new friends and even gossiped about our old mutual friends.

[00:03:04] Then she started sending me photos from a recent party where they all met up.

[00:03:08] Over the next two weeks, Lisa began calling me almost every day.

[00:03:13] I ignored most of her calls, but she always said she had free time and wanted to talk.

[00:03:18] She started sending me TikToks, memes and messages, initiating conversations all the time.

[00:03:23] At first, I brushed it off, thinking she was just being friendly.

[00:03:27] But it felt wrong.

[00:03:29] Lisa is married and I shouldn't be talking to her so frequently.

[00:03:33] The more she reached out, the more unsettled I became.

[00:03:36] Was she unhappy in her marriage?

[00:03:38] Was she just lonely?

[00:03:39] Or was I reading too much into it?

[00:03:42] Last Friday, I finally messaged her, saying that it felt inappropriate for us to talk so

[00:03:46] often, given that she's married now.

[00:03:49] She replied almost immediately, saying there's nothing wrong with us being good friends like

[00:03:53] before.

[00:03:54] I didn't want to continue, so I told her we needed to stop talking for a while because

[00:03:58] I needed to focus on work.

[00:04:01] After that, I blocked her number.

[00:04:03] She called our mutual friend Jess, crying about how I was rude and blocked her.

[00:04:07] Jess told our other friends and some of them called me, saying I was being unreasonable

[00:04:12] to treat Lisa that way and cut her off.

[00:04:15] I don't understand how no one sees that it's wrong for Lisa to call her ex when she's happily

[00:04:19] married after more than a year of no contact.

[00:04:22] It doesn't make sense.

[00:04:24] But maybe I'm the one who's missing something.

[00:04:27] Am I being unreasonable with Lisa or was it right for me to block her for both our sakes?

[00:04:31] And if I'm right, why do I still feel so conflicted?

[00:04:36] Nah, this is a not the arsehole from me.

[00:04:38] It does, the way that you worded it, it feels very inappropriate.

[00:04:42] And does the husband know?

[00:04:44] It kind of felt like he doesn't know.

[00:04:47] It wasn't confirmed in the post, but I'm just left wondering why she's getting in touch.

[00:04:52] Is she reminiscing about their old relationship?

[00:04:55] Is she just trying to be a friend or is there something else going on?

[00:04:59] It just kind of feels though that the husband doesn't know about it.

[00:05:03] So, you know, it just feels like it's something that's going to explode further down the line here.

[00:05:08] But Charlie loves tuna says not the arsehole.

[00:05:11] Simple question and test.

[00:05:12] Ask her since there's nothing wrong with us being good friends.

[00:05:16] Does her husband know?

[00:05:17] And she can add him to the text group.

[00:05:18] I'm pretty sure we both know the answer.

[00:05:22] Big Bob C says you didn't ghost her.

[00:05:24] You told her exactly why you were blocking her.

[00:05:27] I would send her the following.

[00:05:28] It bothers me that you're choosing to get back in touch with me after you were married

[00:05:31] and sharing all the wonderful things you have in your life that I couldn't provide you soon enough.

[00:05:36] I don't think it's intentional on your part and I do not feel inadequate.

[00:05:40] But the message I'm getting from you is that you think I was.

[00:05:43] I wasn't good enough to be your partner in life and you've found a man who is.

[00:05:47] You should be directing your emotional energy towards him, not to a old friend.

[00:05:52] You are not close enough to invite to your wedding.

[00:05:55] Due promotion says not the arsehole.

[00:05:57] She still wants you.

[00:05:58] Obviously.

[00:05:59] This can only go bad with you made the villain in the story.

[00:06:02] For your mental health, you have to put up the wall.

[00:06:05] Staying friends is one thing but communicating multiple times a day means she wants a daily relationship with you.

[00:06:11] I don't know what she is thinking.

[00:06:12] She may want you to be a side piece.

[00:06:14] She may just want to string you along.

[00:06:16] Maybe she feels bad because she wants you but wants cash also.

[00:06:20] Who knows?

[00:06:21] That said, she gave you the full court press and tried to ramp back into contact with you.

[00:06:25] She went from zero to 60 in a few days.

[00:06:28] She wants something that is missing something.

[00:06:29] And one more comment which says not the arsehole.

[00:06:32] Honestly, it's really inappropriate for her to be calling her ex and I'd be wary that she's working towards starting an affair with you.

[00:06:39] It just has the I got married for the security and the lifestyle but I'm not happy with my choice vibes and you're her backup plan.

[00:06:45] And perhaps she is unhappy but that's her issue to solve.

[00:06:49] Don't let her drag you into her issues.

[00:06:51] She needs to fish your cut bait.

[00:06:54] Accept her life or do something about it without having anyone to fall back on.

[00:06:59] So, one and a half months later OP comes in and says I posted one and a half months ago regarding going no contact with my ex girlfriend Lisa after she tried to rekindle our friendship.

[00:07:10] Lisa married her husband Jason six months ago and I wanted to respect their marriage and blocked her after I felt we were crossing a line.

[00:07:17] My friend was very critical of me because I was ignoring her.

[00:07:20] Most of you agreed that I did the right thing.

[00:07:23] Things have been really crazy since then and many of you asked for an update.

[00:07:27] I wanted to respect Lisa's privacy but as things settled down, I am again not sure if I'm doing the right thing and need advice on my situation.

[00:07:35] Sorry for the long post but too many things have happened and I wanted to get this off my chest.

[00:07:40] After I blocked Lisa, she called my friend Jess and wanted to talk to me one last time.

[00:07:45] I initially declined but finally caved in and told her that it would be the last time we would talk.

[00:07:51] Lisa called me on Saturday morning and told me that she wanted to talk to me because she needed help and does not know if she can trust anyone.

[00:07:59] She sounded awful and had to calm her down but she told me what was going on.

[00:08:03] Lisa told me that after we broke up, she met her husband Jason within a few months.

[00:08:09] Jason asked her out for a date in front of her mum and her mum insisted that she at least give Jason a chance.

[00:08:15] Jason was a charmer and then quickly became official.

[00:08:18] Jason was everything I was not.

[00:08:21] He came from a wealthy family and had everything figured out.

[00:08:24] He took her on all the vacations I could never afford and Lisa loved this life where she does not have to worry about things like loans, money, when she was with me.

[00:08:33] They had a grand wedding but Lisa told me that things quickly started going south.

[00:08:37] One night she was hanging out with Jason's friends and one of his college friends started flirting with her and touched her inappropriately.

[00:08:45] Lisa was shocked and told Jason immediately.

[00:08:47] Jason was drunk and told Lisa to loosen up and enjoy the party and did not confront the friend.

[00:08:53] As months went by, Lisa found proof that Jason and his friends were doing drugs and Jason had slept with most of his friends' wives and it was a common thing in their friend group.

[00:09:02] She suspects it happened during the time they were dating and also a few times after they were married.

[00:09:08] She confronted Jason but he just got mad at her and told her that she is being too uptight.

[00:09:14] Things got messy and Lisa told me that there was some instances of physical abuse, though she did not go into many details.

[00:09:21] Lisa wanted to leave Jason and told her mum about it.

[00:09:24] However, her mum told her that it's too early in their marriage and instead Lisa should work harder to make Jason happy so that he does not need to look at other women.

[00:09:33] Lisa never told any of our mutual friends about this because they all love Jason.

[00:09:37] Mostly because he paid for all the parties, restaurants, etc.

[00:09:41] And Lisa just felt very lonely and helpless.

[00:09:44] That is when she got a burner phone and started messaging me on it.

[00:09:48] She apologized to me for getting me involved in her mess but asked me if I can buy her a ticket to my city so that she can get it far away from Jason and everyone and figure out what to do next.

[00:09:59] She could not buy the tickets because Jason had access to all her cards and accounts and she could not trust any of her friends back home because Jason might know about it.

[00:10:07] I was really angry with the whole situation and agreed to help her.

[00:10:12] I got the tickets immediately and did not email her any details.

[00:10:16] I only told her the confirmation numbers when packed and reached the airport.

[00:10:19] She flew to my city and is staying in my guest room.

[00:10:23] As expected, all hell broke loose as soon as she called her parents to tell them that she had left Jason and is with me.

[00:10:30] She told them and our friend why she did what she did.

[00:10:33] However, everyone just thought we had an affair and she left Jason for me.

[00:10:37] Jason was really angry and demanded her to come home or they are done.

[00:10:41] His parents called her to plead to come back and talk about things calmly.

[00:10:45] Her dad refused to talk to her while her mum flew to my city and we all met and she told her what happened.

[00:10:51] Her mum was more worried about their reputation than what Lisa went through in the last few months.

[00:10:56] It was just sickening.

[00:10:58] Lisa is looking for lawyers to file a divorce and has refused to talk to Jason since she came here.

[00:11:03] Jason has not made an attempt to visit her and initially sent a lot of threatening messages.

[00:11:09] I feel he was advised not to send any more incriminating messages to her

[00:11:12] and the messages from him suddenly stopped and there is radio silence.

[00:11:16] Lisa is currently living with me for the last month.

[00:11:19] She has offered to pay me rent but I have told her to just save up for any legal fees as it seems her parents might cut her off.

[00:11:26] Many of our mutual friends still refuse to believe what Jason did and some feel that we are having an affair.

[00:11:32] Many of them have completely stopped talking to Lisa and me and even removed us from their socials.

[00:11:38] Lisa looks like an empty shell of herself.

[00:11:40] She was the most kind, fun person when we were together.

[00:11:43] Even though she keeps a brave face, she just bursts into tears randomly.

[00:11:47] I feel she has still not told me the whole story on what Jason did to her

[00:11:51] but I am just going to be a good friend and give her the space she needs.

[00:11:55] I honestly am not sure how to feel.

[00:11:57] Everything happened so suddenly.

[00:11:58] I never had time to react and think if what I am doing is right.

[00:12:02] I don't know how I got into a situation where my married ex is now living with me.

[00:12:06] I cannot kick her out and I want to be there to support her in such a horrible time.

[00:12:11] However, a part of me also does not know if what I am doing is right as she is still a married woman

[00:12:17] and I do not want to be labelled as a homewrecker or a cheater.

[00:12:20] Any advice would be appreciated.

[00:12:24] Permission West says,

[00:12:25] Just don't sleep with her.

[00:12:27] Somehow you will make everything worse if you do.

[00:12:29] You are too close to it already.

[00:12:31] Brenda says,

[00:12:32] Whoa, what a wild ride.

[00:12:34] Although it seems like you made the right decision in blocking her at first.

[00:12:37] I am happy you are able to intervene and support her during a difficult time.

[00:12:41] It is terrible when people put their reputation before the welfare of others.

[00:12:45] I am sending Lisa my best wishes and hoping that everything turns out well for her in the end.

[00:12:50] Opie says,

[00:12:51] It is just crazy to see Lisa go through so much in the last few months.

[00:12:54] And no one is standing in her corner.

[00:12:57] I also hope she finds strength.

[00:12:59] And I know people don't think straight in these kind of situations,

[00:13:04] but I like literally face palmed when they said that Lisa told them that she's now living with her ex.

[00:13:10] I was like, Oh, why, why?

[00:13:12] And there was a bunch of comments after this one.

[00:13:15] Some people saying that they're glad that they was able to help Lisa out of an abusive situation.

[00:13:20] People commented on Opie saying they don't want to be labeled as a homewrecker or cheater.

[00:13:24] And basically saying, you know, that ship's already sailed.

[00:13:26] I doubt anyone's going to believe you otherwise now.

[00:13:29] Especially if Jason twists it as well.

[00:13:32] Other people saying that like comments just don't sleep with her.

[00:13:35] Do not do it.

[00:13:36] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:13:40] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:13:42] And let's move on to another story.

[00:13:46] Quick warning before we get into our next story.

[00:13:49] If you're eating right now, you may want to skip this story.

[00:13:52] If you're a germaphobe, you will definitely want to skip this story.

[00:13:56] You've been warned.

[00:13:58] Much love to ya.

[00:14:00] Now, our next story comes from the am I overreacting subreddit from plants and poison who says,

[00:14:06] Am I overreacting?

[00:14:07] Not stand a night at my new boyfriend's house with his pillow situation.

[00:14:13] Oh dear.

[00:14:16] Okay.

[00:14:18] I 28 female went over to my boyfriend's 25 male house for the first time.

[00:14:23] Been dating about a month.

[00:14:24] And I had somehow never noticed his pillow situation before.

[00:14:28] When I noticed, I made a comment about how long he's had the pillows.

[00:14:32] And apparently, he's been using them since he was a kid.

[00:14:35] So I asked him if he had any other pillows.

[00:14:37] And he said he just had the pillow on the left of the first picture.

[00:14:41] Which we're covering a sec.

[00:14:42] But that his cat usually sleeps on it.

[00:14:44] I said I don't really want to sleep on those pillows.

[00:14:46] And I'd prefer to sleep at my own place.

[00:14:49] With clean pillows.

[00:14:50] His response?

[00:14:51] He waited for a minute and then said,

[00:14:53] He'd be sad to see that I would choose something as small as pillows come between us spending the night together.

[00:14:59] But that if I needed to go, that he understood.

[00:15:02] I ended up going home and spending the night at my own house instead.

[00:15:05] I asked if I could bring my own pillows and gently suggested he get rid of his.

[00:15:10] He said it was totally fine for me to bring a pillow.

[00:15:13] But that he wouldn't get rid of his.

[00:15:14] As they are sentimental.

[00:15:16] I feel like I can't even kiss him or anything while we're sleeping.

[00:15:19] Because I don't want him to get his gross pillow-ness all over me.

[00:15:22] And my clean pillows.

[00:15:24] I'm scared to click the link for the pillows.

[00:15:26] I mean, I'm thinking, you know, just change the cover.

[00:15:29] Okay, I've clicked the link and there's no cover.

[00:15:32] And those pillows, oh boy.

[00:15:33] I can smell and taste the mustiness through the picture.

[00:15:37] For the podcast users who ain't going to be able to see the picture.

[00:15:39] Let's, I'll try to explain it in some way.

[00:15:43] So imagine there's two pillows there.

[00:15:45] And you know the old way that you can make old maps.

[00:15:48] Like you get an A4 piece of paper.

[00:15:50] You get an old wet tea bag.

[00:15:52] And then you splash it all over the page to make like an old map.

[00:15:55] Make it look old and scrolly.

[00:15:57] Imagine an oversaturated version of that.

[00:16:00] That's the color we're talking of here.

[00:16:02] And for me, I can sleep generally in most places.

[00:16:06] But I wouldn't be sleeping on those pillows.

[00:16:08] That's for sure.

[00:16:09] They may be sentimental.

[00:16:10] But you know, you can't expect someone else to be sleeping on those.

[00:16:13] And that can't be good for your skin.

[00:16:15] However, I am wondering about the sentimental side of things.

[00:16:19] Why are these pillows sentimental to him?

[00:16:21] Not that it's an excuse, but I am curious.

[00:16:24] But ShibaSpot says, my first thought was, what's so bad?

[00:16:28] It's the same color as my pillowcases.

[00:16:30] Second thought, oh God.

[00:16:33] There's no case.

[00:16:34] There's no case.

[00:16:35] Kill it with bleach and fire.

[00:16:37] And then they added like some sound effect.

[00:16:39] And then SpookyStrike says, lol, that was my thought too.

[00:16:43] I thought they were meant to be kind of tan slash camel hair colored pillows.

[00:16:46] An actual camel is cleaner than these things.

[00:16:50] Complete Design says, and quotes the, he'd be sad to see that I'll be choosing something as small as pillows to come between us spending the night together.

[00:16:58] And then says you can just as easily turn that statement right back around at him.

[00:17:02] I'm disappointed you're choosing your sentimental nasty ass pillows over us spending a night together.

[00:17:08] I'm pretty chill.

[00:17:09] There is no fucking way I could sleep on those pillows.

[00:17:12] And Boom says, you're definitely not overreacting.

[00:17:15] It looks like one of those pillows has a dick print on the second slide.

[00:17:18] So, OP came in with her update and said, FHQ because this blew up immediately and I couldn't imagine keeping up with replies.

[00:17:27] Does he know I posted this?

[00:17:29] Yes, I actually wrote this after we talked last night and I've shown it to him since it blew up.

[00:17:34] Do they smell bad?

[00:17:35] Surprisingly, not really.

[00:17:37] Just musty, which is surprising for us all.

[00:17:40] Is he clean otherwise?

[00:17:42] Yes, he is.

[00:17:43] Which is why this was weird.

[00:17:45] His mattress is totally clean and newish and has a protector on it.

[00:17:48] And he cleans his sheets when he does his laundry.

[00:17:51] Weekly.

[00:17:52] So clean about his cats and litter too.

[00:17:54] No stray litter.

[00:17:56] I have to walk over.

[00:17:57] Does he wash his ar-

[00:17:58] Who's-

[00:18:00] Who asked that?

[00:18:01] Does he wash his arse?

[00:18:04] As we have show-

[00:18:06] As we have showered together.

[00:18:07] Yes, he actually spends a lot of time showering and washing himself.

[00:18:11] Comically so.

[00:18:13] I'm still lost on that one, but okay.

[00:18:16] Okay, I talked to him about this and he was totally willing to make some changes.

[00:18:20] Especially after reading some of the comments, lol.

[00:18:23] And said he wants to buy new pillows and bedding, but that he didn't know where to go.

[00:18:27] So, we went on a little date to Ikea and got him a duvet, duvet cover, two new pillows and pillowcases.

[00:18:33] I want to work on getting him sheets that aren't navy blue, but one battle at a time.

[00:18:38] It was very cute and we both feel very good about how we're going to communicate in the future.

[00:18:43] The sentimental comment.

[00:18:45] Apparently, he didn't know how to phrase it, but was still really respectful.

[00:18:49] But you all were mostly right.

[00:18:51] They were one of the few things he took with him when he got kicked out by his parents when he was 15.

[00:18:56] Ah, there we go.

[00:18:57] So they are sentimental.

[00:18:59] However, we communicated that they could be sentimental from the closet and that he deserves to sleep comfortably.

[00:19:05] And cleanly.

[00:19:07] Lol.

[00:19:09] Bored reader says, okay, but you haven't told us the really important part.

[00:19:14] Has he managed to get his dick and balls print on the new pillow shit?

[00:19:17] What?

[00:19:19] Oh, he says, we actually are doing a memorial art piece for it.

[00:19:23] Need to find a big canvas though.

[00:19:26] Your dog says, please tell me you double tap those pillows.

[00:19:29] They could rise from the dead and come for you guys.

[00:19:33] Opie says, we have not yet.

[00:19:35] It's only been like a day.

[00:19:36] I genuinely want to see what they look like washed.

[00:19:38] Not using anymore, but washed.

[00:19:40] And then from there, encourage them to be put to rest.

[00:19:43] Kicked out at 15 years old.

[00:19:45] That dude's been through some shit.

[00:19:48] But I'm glad it did work out for them and they was able to have like a good conversation about it.

[00:19:55] No explosive drama.

[00:19:57] Just those nasty ass pillows got to go in the cupboard.

[00:19:59] They can be sentimental over there, which, you know, absolutely.

[00:20:03] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:20:06] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:20:09] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:20:12] Just a huge thank you for being here today.

[00:20:14] Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time.

[00:20:17] Always means the absolute world to me.

[00:20:19] So thank you so, so much.

[00:20:20] And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:20:23] Take care and much love.