I Gave The Bride An Ultimatum If She Wants Me In Her Wedding, Her Friend Is Out! r/Relationships

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[00:00:38] My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories.

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[00:00:48] Let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:51] Much love, guys.

[00:00:52] Now, today's first story comes from Bridesmaid Ultimatum and says,

[00:00:56] I'm either a**hole for refusing to be made of honor over a bridesmaid, causing her to get fired.

[00:01:03] The people in this story are my best friend, Jane, her brother, Elliot, and his girlfriend of two years, Kathy.

[00:01:10] Jane is marrying her fiance Tom in July and she asked me to be her maid of honor.

[00:01:15] This was sort of expected as Jane is essentially a sister to me.

[00:01:19] I was surprised, however, that she asked her brother's girlfriend, Kathy, to be a bridesmaid.

[00:01:24] Jane later confided that Kathy had kind of pressured her into it and she had done it to make Elliot happy.

[00:01:31] The issue is, Kathy hates me. Like, seriously hates me.

[00:01:36] She blames me for all the issues she has with Elliot and Jane's parents and for her not having a better friendship with Jane.

[00:01:42] She also thinks I'm trying to steal Elliot from her.

[00:01:46] I'm not, but also cannot handle whenever he and I disagree on anything and will go way overboard defending him and arguing with me.

[00:01:55] I was determined to put all this aside for Jane though.

[00:01:58] This was actually not going too badly, but last weekend we went to a bridal shop to choose bridesmaids' dresses.

[00:02:06] Jane mentioned that she wanted me and Elliot to walk down the aisle together, and Kathy lost it.

[00:02:12] She called me desperate, crazy, a pick-me, a fake, fat, and a bunch of other things.

[00:02:19] Looking back, I probably should have said more than I did, but at that moment I could see how everyone was looking at her and I didn't want them looking at me the same way.

[00:02:28] So, I literally just said, yeah, I'm not dealing with this, either she's out or I am, and picked my stuff up and left.

[00:02:37] I apologized to Jane for the drama and offered her a long weekend of babysitting and some flowers to make up for it, and she accepted so we're okay now.

[00:02:45] Because of this, Jane has said that Kathy can't be a bridesmaid anymore because she wants me as maid of honor.

[00:02:51] This has caused issues with Kathy and Elliot by extension.

[00:02:55] Both Elliot and Kathy have apologized and said Kathy will behave better for all the wedding events, but I'm not willing to budge.

[00:03:03] Jane's mother and my mother both think I should drop the ultimatum, and I don't want to make things hard on Jane, so I'm rethinking.

[00:03:10] But I know there's other things she will try to cause issues with me over, and I just don't know how long I can keep being the bigger person with her.

[00:03:18] So, am I the asshole for causing this drama?

[00:03:22] So, Lizzie quotes Opie and says she blames me for all the issues she has with Elliot and Jane's parents, and for her not having a better friendship with Jane.

[00:03:30] She also thinks I'm trying to steal Elliot from her, and then says why?

[00:03:34] This all seems kind of suspicious.

[00:03:36] She obviously behaved horribly, but I don't understand why she hates you so much in the first place, or why she feels like you are to blame for the issues she has with this family.

[00:03:45] ETA, not the asshole.

[00:03:48] Opie replied saying she feels like Elliot's dad hates her because he wanted Elliot to date me.

[00:03:53] This is not true. I don't know why he doesn't like her.

[00:03:57] She apparently thinks there's no room for her and Jane to be close because Jane already has a sister.

[00:04:02] Genuinely don't know why she thinks I'm trying to steal Elliot.

[00:04:06] We have never been close or friends.

[00:04:08] We have never been close slash friends.

[00:04:10] I've never given any indication that I want her boyfriend.

[00:04:13] We annoy the ever loving crap out of each other.

[00:04:17] I usually with stories with ultimatums, I usually come into it and say you know an ultimatum is never a good idea, but I just can't blame you in this.

[00:04:24] You know you're just calling out her shit behavior, and you're just done with it.

[00:04:28] I think in any situation if you was to drop out as a maid of honor the bride would have asked you why and you'd have had to give it up anyway.

[00:04:35] And there might have been just the same outcome.

[00:04:38] But excellent count says not the asshole.

[00:04:41] So I literally just said yeah I'm not dealing with this either she's out or I am and picked up my stuff and left.

[00:04:46] And says a very adult and de-escalating reaction.

[00:04:50] You handled that situation well.

[00:04:53] The opinion I share replies that and says I agree.

[00:04:56] OP if you are rethinking the ultimatum have a real heart to heart with Jane first.

[00:05:00] And never tell anyone about that conversation or even hint at Jane's true feelings.

[00:05:04] Keeping the ultimatum in place might actually be better for Jane.

[00:05:08] If she really doesn't want Kathy to be a bridesmaid you won't have trouble saying no otherwise.

[00:05:13] Lemmypet says not the asshole.

[00:05:15] Sounds like Jane didn't really want her to be bridesmaid in the first place and you gave her an out without compromising her relationship with Elliot.

[00:05:22] Don't budge.

[00:05:23] See if you can find out what Kathy's deal is because this isn't normal behavior.

[00:05:28] Obstru says you were verbally abused in public over something that wasn't even your decision let alone your fault based on what you've written.

[00:05:36] This is after other incidents with her.

[00:05:38] And quotes Jane's mother and my mother both think I should drop the ultimatum.

[00:05:43] And then says Jane's mother and your mother need to be sat down for a long chat on self esteem and disrespect if they think a public tirade like that is something that should be allowed.

[00:05:52] This isn't swallow your pride.

[00:05:54] This is stating that the level of toxic abuse you suffered was unacceptable and will not be repeated.

[00:06:00] Not the asshole.

[00:06:03] Sharkbiscuit says not the asshole.

[00:06:05] I think you handled the bridal shop situation perfectly.

[00:06:08] I know weddings are about the bride and groom but I wouldn't sacrifice my mental health for this nonsense.

[00:06:14] And Jane made the decision to keep you on.

[00:06:16] It's on her shoulders now.

[00:06:18] You just need to be there to support her.

[00:06:20] Also the worst part of all this.

[00:06:22] You still probably have to sit down at the same table as her at the wedding if the wedding party sits at the same table.

[00:06:28] So have fun with that awkwardness.

[00:06:31] But also have fun at your best friend's wedding and don't let Kathy get you down.

[00:06:35] Opie says we are both meant to be sitting at the family table so that will be fun.

[00:06:39] Flash sarcasm.

[00:06:41] Haven't seen the plan yet but hopefully I don't have to sit next to Kathy or Elliot lol.

[00:06:47] I'm sure if the bride is smart enough she will make the seating plan so that you're not next to each other or maybe even pre-empt that and discuss it beforehand because she doesn't want drama at a wedding.

[00:06:58] You don't want drama there.

[00:07:00] And well Kathy might but who knows.

[00:07:02] But Opie does update the post and says so I saw a lot of people saying they wanted an update and people were really kind offering advice so I thought I would provide some closure on this saga.

[00:07:12] I decided that it would be best to speak to Jane and confirm how she wanted to play it.

[00:07:16] I told her as much as I don't want to deal with Kathy I'm not seriously going to stick to the ultimatum.

[00:07:22] Jane said she is definitely not having Kathy as a bridesmaid and that she's sorry it even came to me having to say that.

[00:07:28] We agreed that Jane would handle any questions about Kathy and say that it wasn't about my ultimatum.

[00:07:34] On Jane and the bridesmaid thing.

[00:07:36] A lot of people were saying her aesthetic choice didn't make sense and you were partially correct.

[00:07:42] She admitted she mostly just didn't want Elliot and Kathy to be photographed together.

[00:07:46] I told her she's a complete moron.

[00:07:49] Affectionately.

[00:07:51] Thank you for not telling me because we could have prepared this better.

[00:07:54] Elliot and I also met up to talk.

[00:07:57] He explained that Kathy has a bad relationship with her family.

[00:08:00] That's why she was really hoping to bond with his.

[00:08:03] He also said she has a lot of insecurities and that she's projected a lot of these issues onto me.

[00:08:08] As for why he shed some light on this too.

[00:08:12] Elliot's best friend, my family by marriage, shared some things with her and kind of over egged some stories.

[00:08:18] And it set Kathy on this path of thinking I was Regina George basically.

[00:08:23] Elliot has tried to correct her but she won't hear it.

[00:08:26] As for her thinking I'm trying to steal him.

[00:08:29] Some of you were right.

[00:08:30] She does think that my hanging out with his family means I must not dislike him as much as I say.

[00:08:36] She thinks because I have a history of dating people close to him.

[00:08:39] Two people years apart.

[00:08:41] That I must secretly like him.

[00:08:43] Elliot agrees that this is crazy but Kathy just won't let go of this idea.

[00:08:47] As for us walking together.

[00:08:49] I said I would support him asking Jane if he could walk with another bridesmaid.

[00:08:53] But that if she insists I'm going to be on her side and Elliot agreed that was fair.

[00:08:58] He said he's been trying to be understanding of her issues but he sees now it was wrong to force a bridesmaid issue.

[00:09:04] And he's going to focus on helping Kathy in a way that doesn't involve everyone else from now on.

[00:09:09] I left it there in regards to Kathy because it's not my place to comment.

[00:09:14] Our conversation actually turned out to be pretty productive.

[00:09:17] Elliot and I aired out a lot of things from when we were kids that I guess were an overdue conversation.

[00:09:23] We'll never be best friends but we are getting a joint father's day gift for his dad so that's something.

[00:09:29] I'm still going to be as civil to Kathy because honestly she has a lot bigger issues than whatever issues she has with me.

[00:09:36] And adding to it just seems pointless.

[00:09:38] That's that. All's well that ends decently.

[00:09:42] All things considered.

[00:09:44] We will definitely be watching her for any drama at the wedding but for now that's it.

[00:09:48] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:09:51] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:09:54] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:09:57] And let's move on to another story.

[00:10:00] And our next story comes from electronicherd561 from the amithearsallheres subreddit that says

[00:10:07] Am I the arsehole here for dumping my girlfriend after moving in with her?

[00:10:12] I, 25 male, moved in with my girlfriend, 24 female, of 4 years, 3 weeks ago.

[00:10:18] She chose the place and although her name is on the lease, I paid half the deposit and paid the first month of rent as she couldn't afford it.

[00:10:26] I also paid the first month of bills.

[00:10:28] She works part time and has some savings she used to furnish the place according to her taste despite my objections.

[00:10:34] I felt she overspent and the money could have been spent on other things.

[00:10:39] She had a few friends over on Monday when I came home.

[00:10:42] She had ordered food and as I normally come home from work at 5, she was surprised to see me there an hour early.

[00:10:48] They were a little drunk and one of her friends made strange comments, which I thought nothing of due to the alcohol as I went to the bathroom to shower.

[00:10:56] When I came out of the shower, her other friends and sister was quoting me poetry they had written to my girlfriend and was quite handsy.

[00:11:04] I found that odd and asked her where she had heard that.

[00:11:07] She goes, we just read your love letters to her before watching a movie.

[00:11:11] My girlfriend was laughing with them.

[00:11:13] Her sister made a remark about how she wanted me to do her the way I do her sister because she had never felt that way.

[00:11:20] I was furious but due to her drunkenness thought it's impossible to talk to her.

[00:11:25] I left for my mother's house.

[00:11:27] On Tuesday, she called me 17 times but I ignored it.

[00:11:31] She also sent me many texts wanting to know why I wasn't home.

[00:11:35] On Wednesday, I told her in person how hurt I was for her sharing my intimate letters with her friends and for oversharing what we do in private.

[00:11:44] She said relax it was a joke and nobody got hurt.

[00:11:47] She said the girls were impressed with me and that is why they got a little handsy.

[00:11:52] She said once I gave her the letters, they were hers to share with whom she pleased.

[00:11:57] So I told her that I'm my own person and could make the decision to not share more of myself with her.

[00:12:02] Today, she came to my mother's apologizing.

[00:12:05] She wanted me to come back and talk it out with her.

[00:12:08] I told her no and that we were through.

[00:12:10] She wouldn't leave so I drove to my father's place where I am now.

[00:12:14] She kept texting me and telling me that I should be ashamed of myself for leaving her like that.

[00:12:19] She got her friends and sister to apologize to me and they told me to quit playing games and go home now that they had apologized.

[00:12:26] I told them I was home and that my name was not on the lease and I was not respected as an equal in her home so I no longer wanted to be with her.

[00:12:34] Luckily for me, I hadn't moved most of my stuff there.

[00:12:37] She kept phoning and texting and I blocked her.

[00:12:40] She then made a mutual male friend of ours contact me and tell me that I was being a bitch about it.

[00:12:45] So I blocked him too.

[00:12:47] Then his girlfriend texted me and told me not to take things out of proportion.

[00:12:51] I'm almost certain I did the right thing but maybe I should talk it out with her before cutting all contact.

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[00:14:12] Now it's one thing to make a huge mistake and to me it was a huge mistake and I wouldn't have blamed OP for leaving for the very first part of the story.

[00:14:22] But after you made that mistake being drunk or not, I know it's not an excuse.

[00:14:25] Doubling down, minimizing what your partner is feeling, sending multiple other people after him, even another guy to call him a bitch.

[00:14:34] And you were still seriously expecting this guy to stay with you.

[00:14:38] Absolutely not the arsehole in this situation and like you, I wouldn't be able to trust this person again.

[00:14:45] Especially after the way they acted after this all happened as well.

[00:14:49] And part of me is just wondering if she's just panicking that she can't afford her apartment anymore.

[00:14:54] But Zanav says,

[00:14:58] And then says odd she said that after you explicitly said it hurt you.

[00:15:01] Also, don't you love when people rope their friends into internal relationship disputes?

[00:15:06] Personally, I wouldn't want to sign up for a life of this so not the arsehole.

[00:15:10] Beth responds saying she thought a bloke calling him an emasculating name would shame him into coming back.

[00:15:16] Boy did sis read that wrong.

[00:15:18] OP deserves better than someone who thinks getting your boyfriend groped by your drunk friends is a fun joke.

[00:15:25] Absolutely, I didn't even mention that bit as well.

[00:15:29] Grateful Dad says not the arsehole.

[00:15:31] Can you imagine what this situation would be viewed as if this was a guy treating a girl this way?

[00:15:36] She comes home and his friends are drunk.

[00:15:38] They've gone through her intimate stuff that she's given him.

[00:15:41] He talks to them about their sex lives and they've all come up to her and start being handsy with her

[00:15:46] and telling her how great she is and to fuck them in the same way.

[00:15:49] And later on call her to apologize to her and tell her she's being too sensitive and a bitch for not coming back.

[00:15:54] And a final comment from that girl on Reddit who says so many red flags.

[00:15:58] First, her name is on the lease but you had to pay the deposit and rent for the first month's utilities.

[00:16:03] Which is fine until you added that she couldn't afford it.

[00:16:06] Second, she went behind your back and shared intimate details about your relationship to her friends and makes jokes of it.

[00:16:13] Third and final point, when you told her she hurt you, she involved so many people to message you and tell you you are an arse.

[00:16:20] I'm paraphrasing but you get it.

[00:16:22] These points tell me that she does not see you as an equal, a partner and she doesn't respect boundaries literally at all.

[00:16:29] It's her world and you were just living in it.

[00:16:32] Not the arsehole, the only loss right now is the money you spent to move in.

[00:16:36] But that's it, you're better off.

[00:16:38] Opie updates their post and says

[00:17:08] Opie goes into more details about what was in the letters from me, including her mentioning my sister by name and miscarriages.

[00:17:15] This forced my sister to tell my mother about it, even though it brought up a lot of trauma for her.

[00:17:20] At the moment, my sister is not talking to me because she felt I shouldn't have shared that with anyone.

[00:17:25] I agree, it was a violation on my part even though I was looking for emotional support from my girlfriend.

[00:17:31] My ex took down the post in hopes of getting me to meet with her.

[00:17:35] When she realized that wouldn't happen, she put up another one telling her side of the story.

[00:17:40] There were several parts and in it she was looking for the letters to show her followers.

[00:17:45] But I knew where she kept them and took them when I went to collect my stuff.

[00:17:49] I burned all of them.

[00:17:51] I won't be writing letters to any new romantic partners anytime soon.

[00:17:55] My sister has been to my mother's a few times trying to get me to help out with the rent as according to my ex's reasoning,

[00:18:02] if I hadn't agreed to pay for the rent, she wouldn't have overspent on setting up her new home the way she wanted.

[00:18:08] Even if she sells the stuff she won't get the original price for it.

[00:18:11] So she feels it's my fault for making her lose money.

[00:18:15] She did contact the landlord, filmed for her TikTok viewers while she was on the phone to him

[00:18:20] and he denied her breaking the lease without penalties.

[00:18:23] She has to pay the remainder of the months.

[00:18:25] I asked her for my deposit through my friend while he was on the loudspeaker to her, so I could hear her side without having to speak.

[00:18:32] Knowing full well I wouldn't get my part but at least he tried.

[00:18:36] She called him a lot of names, then phoned him back and apologized because she wanted him to tell me to phone her

[00:18:43] so she could straighten out the misunderstanding and we could get back together.

[00:18:47] She has now taken down all the posts about me.

[00:18:50] Don't know if she will upload them again once it dawns on her that we are through.

[00:18:54] She phoned my brother again to make me speak to her so she could explain.

[00:18:58] And he met her a few hours ago.

[00:19:00] He finally gave her the key as she was told either she could take it or we would return it to the landlord.

[00:19:06] He picked up a call from her an hour after he dropped off the keys.

[00:19:10] She wanted to talk to me and forgive her as she had seen how she made a mistake and that it wouldn't happen again.

[00:19:16] She wanted me to return the love letters but my brother told her they were burnt.

[00:19:21] She had a go at him so my brother cut her off.

[00:19:24] She phoned back more apologetic and said what did she have to do to make me go back.

[00:19:29] He asked her if she would be okay with me sharing her nudes and a clip she has sent me with my male friends.

[00:19:34] He asked her this without okaying it with me first.

[00:19:37] She said she wouldn't be okay with it.

[00:19:39] I guess the double standard has completely turned me off as she told my brother that if you receive something through a romantic relationship

[00:19:46] then it stays between four eyes.

[00:19:49] It's not that she doesn't understand what she did is wrong.

[00:19:52] It's that she expects me to be okay with it as in her mind her feelings matter more in the relationship.

[00:19:58] She also thinks that me being taller and bigger than her shouldn't have felt threatened by her friends or sisters as I was in not really in harms way.

[00:20:07] He then blocked her as she phoned him several times over and left him crying messages and then some angry messages to delete her nudes.

[00:20:15] Her sister left an angry message with a friend that helped me with asking for the deposit.

[00:20:20] And she threatened him that if I ever leak nudes I wouldn't live to regret it.

[00:20:24] She told him to pass on the message to me.

[00:20:26] There is something she is very insecure about sharing her body and she doesn't want me to share that without her consent.

[00:20:32] I'm getting a new number as I can do so with my current payment plan.

[00:20:36] I'm going forward with this and hoping that I make better decisions in the future.

[00:20:40] Thank you for all that helped me with good advice.

[00:20:43] In a couple of top comments from that one someone says her double standard and that of a sister are seriously disgusting.

[00:20:49] You got rid of the cancer in your life bro. Forward and upward.

[00:20:53] Next comment says I'm sorry that happened to you. Please don't stop being the sweet, emotionally available man you are.

[00:20:59] Don't let a few hoodrats ruin it for the rest of women.

[00:21:02] You're going to find someone that appreciates your effort and keeps your heart safe.

[00:21:06] Good luck and for god sake tell your family to stop taking her calls.

[00:21:10] Opie says they have already blocked her but her sister and her turned up at my mothers.

[00:21:14] My mother won't open the door to them anymore as she finds it quite harassing.

[00:21:18] And then Opie says on her sister. I gave her a real apology.

[00:21:22] She accepted it but needs a small break from me to get her thoughts sorted out.

[00:21:26] She said I can still pick up my niece when I want to.

[00:21:29] Don't worry about me and my sister. We're ok.

[00:21:31] She is more upset about making it to TikTok.

[00:21:34] I was kind of left wondering after that one what her behavior was like before.

[00:21:39] Because the whole moving into a new place and expecting him to pay immediately.

[00:21:44] And the behavior with her friends, the handsy, the sexual harassment.

[00:21:48] And the very selfish behavior afterwards where basically she was blaming him for it.

[00:21:53] And telling him you know almost like to stop taking it so seriously kind of thing.

[00:21:57] It just left me thinking whatever kind of behavior is Opie not mentioned in that post.

[00:22:02] Because she doesn't seem like a very nice person from what I've read there.

[00:22:05] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:22:09] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:22:12] And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:22:16] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:22:20] So thank you so much for being involved and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:22:24] Take care and much love.

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